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What Better Boundaries With Your Teen Actually Look Like · IMPACT: Parenting with Perspective

• 0:00
  Ben: I'm Ben Pugh and you're listening to IMPACT! Parenting with Perspective.
• 0:06
  Ben: This podcast is all about helping parents manage the mental and emotional drama that comes with parenting teens so they can focus on what's most important.
• 0:17
  Ben: Building rock solid relationships and having a powerful impact on their teen's life.
• 0:22
  Ben: Join me each week as I dive into real tools to help you and your teen turn struggles into strengths.
• 0:31
  When I talk about creating better boundaries with your teen, I think a lot of parents get the wrong picture.
• 0:39
  A lot of times parents think,"Well, that means more rules, or bigger consequences, or finally getting my teen to listen." Maybe you think better boundaries means figuring out the magic words that will make your teenager put down the cellphone, quit the games, and finally do his homework, or clean his room.
• 1:01
  And maybe you're picturing that he'll finally come home on time and stop arguing.
• 1:06
  But that's not really what I mean by better boundaries.
• 1:10
  In fact, you could have more rules, more consequences, and more control than you have right now, and actually have worse boundaries.
• 1:21
  So today, I want to paint a picture for you.
• 1:25
  What do better boundaries with your teen actually look like?
• 1:29
  What would change for you, and what would change for your teenager?
• 1:35
  And what starts happening inside your family when everyone gets clear about what you're responsible for as the mom, as the parent, and what belongs to your teenager, and how you're going to handle the stuff that applies to both of you?
• 1:53
  Because better boundaries is probably going to look different than you think, and there's one change in particular that will probably surprise you.
• 2:05
  A lot of parents think,"Oh, well, when I get better boundaries, parenting my teen will be easier." Your teen doesn't necessarily become easier, but parenting with better boundaries gets clearer.
• 2:19
  It makes your role easier.
• 2:22
  So let's talk about what this could actually look like in your home.
• 2:27
  If you've been listening for the past few weeks, you've heard me talk a lot about boundaries, and you might be thinking,"Okay, Ben" I get it.
• 2:36
  Boundaries are important.
• 2:38
  But what does this actually look like in my house?
• 2:41
  Because right now, maybe boundaries look like this.
• 2:46
  Maybe you tell your teen to get off his phone and he says,"In a minute." And then 20 minutes later, you remind him, and then you remind him again, and eventually you're mad, he's mad, and now you threaten to take the phone away, and somehow you both start arguing about whether you said 9:00 or 9:30 a few days ago.
• 3:08
  Or maybe in your home it's grades, and you're checking the school app and you're asking about missing assignments, you're reminding your teen to study for the test, and you're trying to figure out whether or not he emailed his teacher, and now you're the one more stressed about his schoolwork than he is.
• 3:27
  And that's the kinda stuff I want to discuss today.
• 3:30
  Not perfect parenting, not a teenager who never pushes back.
• 3:35
  I want to show you what starts changing when your boundaries get better.
• 3:43
  And as we go through these, I want you to pay attention to which one makes you think,"Oh, man, we don't have that, but I wish we did," because that might show you a good starting place for you and your family.
• 4:00
  So let's discuss the surface problem.
• 4:04
  These are the problems that are easy to see, and if you're like a lot of moms out there, this might be your current reality, where maybe you feel responsible for getting your teen to do what he's supposed to do, and you remind him, and you lecture, and you check, and you negotiate, and you threaten, and then in the end you come and rescue him.
• 4:29
  Or maybe your teen pushes back or sees if he can just wait till you forget, and now you are becoming more and more controlling because your teen seems so irresponsible.
• 4:41
  Maybe your reality is that because you have taken care of so many of these things for your teen, he is less responsible, and you're just carrying all of the responsibility, and you're frustrated, and your teen is frustrated.
• 4:57
  This could easily apply to video games, chores, homework, grades, bedtime, curfew, waking up on time for school.
• 5:09
  And here's what can make this so confusing.
• 5:13
  If you're like most parents, you look at the situation and you think,"We need a better rule." I usually think rather than more rules or better rules, we just need to get clearer on who is responsible for what.
• 5:29
  So that's the surface problem.
• 5:32
  Everything you can see, the fighting, the arguing about cell phones, the lack of responsibility from your teen.
• 5:39
  Here is the deeper pattern that is often underlying the surface.
• 5:45
  A lot of moms focus on,"How do I make my teen do what he's supposed to do?
• 5:51
  How do I get him to care?
• 5:53
  What consequence will finally work and make my teen do blank?" Or maybe,"How do I stop my teenager from arguing with me?
• 6:05
  How do I get him to respect me?" The boundary becomes something that's designed to control the teen, and that's the underlying pattern.
• 6:15
  That's the underlying problem, that puts your peace as your teen's mother dependent upon your teen's behavior.
• 6:26
  And honestly, a lot of boundary problems are really more ownership problems, because you're controlling things that your teen should control.
• 6:36
  You're being the one who's responsible because your teen won't do it.
• 6:41
  And the problem is, you're not getting clear about what is within your control as a mom, what your teen needs to control and be responsible.
• 6:50
  You have no clarity about what you're willing to do as a mom and what your teen gets to do, what is within his power to decide.
• 7:01
  And you probably don't have clarity about what happens next.
• 7:07
  And this is where better boundaries can actually be completely different.
• 7:14
  Because instead of asking,"How do I get my teenager to get better grades or clean his room or cooperate," or whatever it is, you start asking, What can I actually control here?
• 7:26
  What am I responsible for?" And so that underlying pattern where you focus on your teen and,"How do I get my teen to change, and how do I make my teen do blank?" Its foundation is usually in an old belief that goes something like,"Well, a good boundary would get my teen to do what he's supposed to do." A lot of parents believe,"If I had better boundaries, then my teen would do exactly as I told him.
• 7:58
  He would get better grades.
• 8:00
  He would be more responsible." But I wanna help you shift to a new belief, which is, a good boundary makes responsibility clear for you and him, and it helps you lead as a parent while giving your teen some responsibility, whether he likes the boundary or not And there's an important distinction there because you don't need your teen to agree with a boundary for it to be good.
• 8:32
  You don't need your teen to actually take responsibility for you to be clear on what you're responsible for and what your teen is responsible for.
• 8:45
  Your teen can dislike the boundary.
• 8:48
  He can think that the boundary is so stupid, he can let you hear about it and complain, and he can push back, and he should tell you that you should parent a different way, and you can still have a healthy boundary.
• 9:02
  And when you start to understand that, that is a major win.
• 9:06
  That makes parenting so much easier.
• 9:10
  I want to share a few things that will help you have better boundaries and that will help you understand what will change in your home when you start creating better boundaries, when you get boundaries with buy-in.
• 9:26
  Possibly one of the most powerful things is that as a parent, as a mother, you will know who you are, what's within your control, and who you want to be.
• 9:40
  Better boundaries start with you.
• 9:43
  They don't start with your teen.
• 9:45
  They start with you being clear about who you want to be, what's within your control.
• 9:51
  Instead of,"How do I make my teenager get off his cell phone?" You might ask,"What am I willing to do here?
• 9:58
  Am I willing to even provide a cell phone?
• 10:02
  Am I willing to pay for a cell phone?
• 10:04
  If he's going to have a cell phone, what needs to happen?
• 10:08
  Or what agreements do we need to get in place?
• 10:11
  What's gonna happen if he doesn't follow the agreements?" Maybe it's video games, maybe it's homework, maybe it's doing chores around the house.
• 10:22
  When you can shift your focus to who do you want to be as a parent, rather than what do I need my teenager to do?
• 10:30
  When it comes to grades, maybe you're constantly checking your teen's grades.
• 10:35
  Maybe you're constantly asking about homework, or emailing his teachers for him and reminding him and arguing.
• 10:43
  That's one of the patterns that I call parenting from the outside in.
• 10:47
  You're focused on these things that are outside of yourself.
• 10:51
  And parenting from the inside out is where you get to decide,"Who am I going to be as his mom?
• 11:00
  You know what?
• 11:01
  If he's going to refuse to do school, who do I want to be?
• 11:07
  Do I want to be the mom that goes to class with my teenager and sits right next to him?
• 11:12
  Do I wanna be the mom who emails his teachers?" Maybe you'll start to explore,"Who do I want to be?" Maybe you're the mom that's like,"Look, I will provide resources.
• 11:24
  I'll get you a tutor.
• 11:25
  I will help if you ask me to help." But you establish certain expectations.
• 11:32
  Like,"Look, if you don't get B's and above, you can't borrow the family car on the weekends." The truth is, this isn't about getting your teen to do what you want.
• 11:46
  It's about understanding who you want to be regardless of how your teen shows up.
• 11:54
  Not all teens are gonna get straight A's.
• 11:56
  If your teen struggles in school, who do you want to be?
• 12:00
  If your teen could get good grades but refuses, who do you want to be?
• 12:04
  What do you want to provide?
• 12:06
  In my home, like, I think school is largely overrated.
• 12:11
  School is not preparing our kids for the future.
• 12:14
  But I expect my kids to put forth a good effort.
• 12:18
  I expect them to do their best.
• 12:20
  I expect them to be polite, respectful.
• 12:23
  And if that doesn't happen, they might lose privileges in my home And something interesting happens when you stop carrying the responsibility for your teenager.
• 12:37
  And I'll be honest, at first, your teen might actually carry less responsibility.
• 12:42
  He might be like,"Awesome.
• 12:44
  If Mom's not gonna make me do it, I'm not gonna do it." And that scares a lot of parents.
• 12:49
  They're like,"Oh, no, my teen is gonna fail." But if you immediately take over and grab that responsibility back, your teen has no reason to learn how to take on more responsibility.
• 13:03
  Your teen isn't going to suffer the consequence that will show him,"Oh, dang, this is why I need to be responsible for that." the first really important thing is that sometimes a lot of moms will focus on things outside of themselves.
• 13:23
  How do I get my teen to do blank?
• 13:26
  But when a boundary starts with you, you can start to get clear on who you want to be and what you want to control.
• 13:35
  The first part of setting better boundaries is knowing who you are as a mom, who you want to be, and what is actually within your control.
• 13:45
  The second thing that really helps up-level your boundaries is when your teen knows what belongs to him.
• 13:55
  So the first one is mom knowing,"Hey, what belongs to me?
• 13:58
  What's within my control?
• 14:00
  Who do I wanna be?" The next one is your teen starting to understand what belongs to him.
• 14:06
  Now, you can't control whether or not your teen knows what belongs to him.
• 14:10
  You can't control whether or not your teen takes responsibility.
• 14:15
  But the truth is, boundaries with buy-in create responsibility.
• 14:21
  It isn't like,"Well, Mom makes me do this." No.
• 14:25
  It's,"Here's what I agreed to do, and here's what happens if I don't follow through, and I'm responsible for that." And that distinction is important.
• 14:36
  Your teen gets ownership.
• 14:39
  They're responsible for whether or not they follow through, whether or not they remember, whether or not your teen complains, and sometimes even how he accomplishes whatever it is you agree upon.
• 14:53
  Maybe it's better grades.
• 14:55
  A lot of times, parents, you can tell your teen the what.
• 15:01
  Like,"Look, you need to have B's and above.
• 15:04
  You need to get off your game by 10 o'clock." And your teen is responsible for the how.
• 15:13
  "Well, how am I going to maintain B's and above?
• 15:16
  You know what?
• 15:17
  I'm not really gonna do homework.
• 15:19
  I'm just gonna cram the night before a test." Awesome.
• 15:22
  If that works, fantastic.
• 15:25
  Some teens will be like,"Look, I'm responsible for keeping B's and above if I wanna borrow the car on the weekends.
• 15:31
  I'm going to go to study hall.
• 15:32
  I'm gonna do my homework the first day I get it." As a parent, you might be responsible for the what.
• 15:39
  Empower your teen to be responsible for the how.
• 15:42
  When it comes to, like, video games, they need to be turned off by 10.
• 15:46
  You've said the what.
• 15:48
  Let your teen figure out how.
• 15:50
  "Well, dang, I always forget.
• 15:51
  Maybe I should set an alarm in my phone so I have a reminder.
• 15:55
  Maybe I can have my friends that I'm playing online with remind me.
• 15:59
  Maybe I just need to set a rule, like I don't join a new game after 9:30 because I'm not gonna be done by 10." And that way, as a mom, you don't have to be the reminder system.
• 16:11
  You're not the one who's responsible for how it happens.
• 16:16
  You're going to let that be on your teen, and now your teen starts to understand, this is what I'm responsible for." And that's exactly how boundaries with buy-in starts to create responsibility.
• 16:30
  Now, the next one is boundaries with buy-in really help your agreements, your boundaries, your expectations get clearer.
• 16:42
  And a lot of parents really struggle with boundaries because their boundaries are too vague.
• 16:48
  The parent might say,"Look, don't play so many video games," or,"You need to help out more around the house," or,"You know what?
• 16:57
  You need to get your homework done," or,"You need to go to bed at a decent time," or,"You need to be respectful." You know, those are all so vague.
• 17:05
  What your teen thinks is a decent time for bed will probably be very different from what you think is a d- a decent time.
• 17:14
  Better agreements, they start to answer some of the ambiguity.
• 17:20
  They start to clarify some of the vagueness.
• 17:24
  Like, what are we agreeing to here?
• 17:26
  Like, when do you think is an appropriate time for you to go to bed on a school night?
• 17:31
  Have a discussion.
• 17:33
  How are you going to remember to get off your video game by a certain time?
• 17:37
  How are you gonna remember t- to take the trash out?
• 17:40
  What do you think would be fair if you don't go to bed on time?
• 17:44
  What do you think would be fair if you don't take the trash out when you're supposed to?
• 17:49
  What'll happen if you don't take the trash out?
• 17:53
  And this clarity is probably more important than strictness.
• 17:59
  A lot of parents are really strict when it comes to boundaries, but it's hard for them to be strict, and their teen resents them because they don't fully understand because of a lack of clarity.
• 18:12
  And so if you can start to create clarity in your boundaries, it'll make boundaries easier.
• 18:19
  It will up-level your boundaries.
• 18:20
  You'll start to have boundaries with buy-in.
• 18:24
  And a lot of times parents are like,"Well, we just need tougher consequences." You might not need tougher consequences.
• 18:32
  You might just need more clarity.
• 18:35
  You might just need fewer surprises.
• 18:38
  So, like, get the clarity ahead of time.
• 18:42
  All right, another thing that y- when you start building boundaries with buy-in, this is actually going to give your teen a voice.
• 18:51
  And I know a lot of parents don't really want their teen to have a voice, and this is where I'm different.
• 18:58
  This is why I've created Boundaries with Buy-In.
• 19:01
  This is why Boundaries with Buy-In is so different.
• 19:04
  I think it's important for your teen to have a voice.
• 19:08
  Now, your teen having a voice does not mean that they have veto power.
• 19:13
  You're still in charge.
• 19:15
  You're still the parent.
• 19:18
  You still lead.
• 19:19
  But instead of announcing every decision that you've decided,"Well, here's what's going to happen.
• 19:26
  Here's your consequence.
• 19:27
  You didn't take the trash out," you talk about it, you explore, you ask questions, you listen to your teen.
• 19:35
  Then you build the agreement together where it's appropriate.
• 19:41
  Like,"What do you think would be fair if you don't take the trash out before the garbage can gets dumped?" You're giving your teen a voice.
• 19:50
  And questions like,"What do you think is fair?
• 19:53
  What do you think would help you remember?
• 19:55
  What might get in your way?
• 19:58
  If this doesn't happen, what do you think we should do to deal with the consequences?" These are important.
• 20:05
  This is not you surrendering your authority as a parent.
• 20:10
  This is you using your authority in a way that empowers your teenager.
• 20:16
  Because leadership, parenting doesn't mean making every decision by yourself.
• 20:21
  Sometimes good leadership means helping your teenager know how to make a decision with you Another thing you'll start to see in your home with boundaries, with buy-in, is that consequences aren't invented in the heat of the moment, and sometimes this is one of the biggest changes.
• 20:42
  A lot of parents fall into the trap of like,"Well, if my teen doesn't follow through, I get angry, and I just make up a consequence on the spot.
• 20:52
  No Xbox for a week, no phone." And oftentimes that's just going to escalate.
• 20:59
  Your teen is gonna argue, you're gonna lecture, and now the whole thing has a icky feeling a- about it.
• 21:06
  You're upset, they're upset, and it just feels like a punishment.
• 21:12
  The better way, like this will look completely different in your home.
• 21:16
  You're going to discuss the likely outcome before it becomes a problem.
• 21:23
  For example, you could say if your phone isn't turned in by 10:30, you're gonna leave it with me tomorrow night." That's clear.
• 21:32
  It's not in the heat of the moment like,"Oh my goodness, it's 11 o'clock, you didn't turn your phone in.
• 21:37
  Um, give it to me now." No, it's like,"Look, if you don't do this, there's a consequence, and here's what it is." It's not a courtroom, it's not a lecture.
• 21:47
  You're not making it up on the spot and hoping it's so painful that it'll motivate him.
• 21:53
  Think about how much calmer you could be if you didn't have to decide what the consequence was while you were mad.
• 22:03
  Think about how much calmer your teen would be if he wasn't surprised by a consequence in the heat of the moment.
• 22:11
  That alone can change the entire feeling, the entire energy around boundaries.
• 22:19
  That's one of the biggest things that changes in people's homes when they start doing boundaries better.
• 22:27
  The next thing that's going to help you up-level your boundaries, and this is one of the things that you're gonna realize in your home when you start implementing this, pushback is okay.
• 22:37
  And this is important because better boundaries doesn't mean that your teen is just going to happily agree with everything that you say and say,"Oh, thank you, Mom, you're so fantastic." And he's not gonna follow through every time, and he's not gonna stop being a strong-willed teenager.
• 22:55
  He might say,"This is stupid.
• 22:58
  None of my friends have this rule.
• 23:00
  What, you don't trust me?
• 23:01
  Why do you even care about this?" The thing is, your teen pushing back does not mean that the boundary failed You can let your teen push back.
• 23:14
  You can let them complain about the boundary.
• 23:16
  You can let them think it's stupid.
• 23:20
  And the thing is, you don't have to defend yourself.
• 23:23
  You don't have to justify the boundary.
• 23:25
  You don't have to lecture your teen.
• 23:27
  You don't have to change the rule or the decision, and you don't have to get into a punishing emotion.
• 23:36
  Your teenager is allowed to hate the boundary, and you can still hold it without getting upset.
• 23:44
  That is emotional authority, and that's how we lead Now, the next thing that you'll notice, like when you start building better boundaries, when you create some buy-in in your home, you're gonna start to realize that you get less reactive, and This might be one of the most visible changes that you'll see.
• 24:07
  Now, you don't have to chase your teen.
• 24:09
  You don't have to remind them a thousand times.
• 24:11
  You don't have to argue.
• 24:12
  You don't have to prove you're right.
• 24:15
  You don't have to try and get your teen to understand or make him agree with you.
• 24:19
  You can just know,"This is who I am as a mom, and this is the boundary." And now you're not getting upset, and your teen can say,"I'll do it later." And now, instead of the old way, where you'd be like,"Well, that's what you always say.
• 24:35
  I've asked you a thousand times," you'll just start to say,"Okay.
• 24:39
  We agreed it would be done by 7:00.
• 24:42
  You get to decide when and how you do it before then, and if it doesn't happen, we've both agreed on the consequence." And then stop.
• 24:51
  Just leave it.
• 24:54
  And this might be the best test that's gonna show you whether or not boundaries are getting better in your home.
• 25:03
  Are you becoming less reactive?
• 25:06
  Are you becoming less responsible for managing your teenager, and is your teenager becoming less reactive?
• 25:14
  Is your teenager becoming more responsible for managing himself?
• 25:18
  Because that's the direction.
• 25:20
  That's the goal.
• 25:22
  let's bring all of this together.
• 25:26
  With better boundaries, you're going to know who you are as Mom.
• 25:31
  You're gonna know who you want to be.
• 25:32
  You're gonna know what you can control and what you can't.
• 25:36
  You're gonna have to remind less, argue less, say less, and your teen is gonna follow through more, and you're both going to be less reactive.
• 25:48
  And you're gonna stop trying to get instant agreement from your teen.
• 25:53
  You're gonna stop feeling like you have to rescue your teen.
• 25:57
  And here's the beauty of it.
• 25:58
  Here's what's gonna change for your teen.
• 26:01
  Your teen is gonna have a voice.
• 26:03
  Your teen is going to know,"Oh, this is what's expected of me," and he's gonna know what happens next.
• 26:09
  "Well, dang, I didn't get the grades that I agreed to do, so I'm not gonna get to use the car this weekend." And your teen is going to get to experience the consequence, which is gonna help him carry more of that responsibility, and he's gonna start to learn and understand, this is how my decisions create my results And the most beautiful thing, it's gonna change your relationship with your teen.
• 26:37
  There's gonna be fewer surprise consequences, s- fewer moments where you're both just escalating and getting upset.
• 26:46
  There will be less nagging, less micromanaging, less confusion, and there will be more trust, more honest conversations, and more connection between you and your teen.
• 26:59
  So when I say that I want you to have better boundaries with your teenager, I'm not picturing this perfect house with more rules where your teen does exactly what you want.
• 27:12
  Instead, I'm picturing a mom who knows who she is and who she wants to be.
• 27:20
  And I'm picturing a teenager who knows what he's responsible for, who knows that he can have a voice, and that it's part of his job to help come up with solutions.
• 27:32
  I'm picturing a home where there are clearer agreements, fewer surprises, less chasing, more responsibility.
• 27:41
  And I'm picturing a teen who is allowed to have feelings and to have an opinion without those feelings running the family.
• 27:52
  I'm picturing a mom who can lead without losing emotional control and who can lead without needing to control her teen.
• 28:02
  I want to invite you, to pick one boundary.
• 28:06
  Don't overhaul your whole family.
• 28:07
  It's gonna drive them nuts.
• 28:10
  But I want you to pick one boundary, and I want you to explore,"Where am I carrying the responsibility that probably belongs to my teenager?" Maybe it's gaming, maybe it's a cell phone, maybe it's grades or chores or homework.
• 28:28
  And then I want you, once you've identified that one thing, I want you to explore,"What am I responsible for?
• 28:35
  And what is my teen responsible for?
• 28:38
  And where is our current agreement about what the expectation is or what should happen?
• 28:43
  Where is that unclear?" And here's the thing: Don't dive in and try and fix it all.
• 28:49
  Not yet.
• 28:50
  First, I want you to notice it And if you just identified something and you thought,"Yeah, I know what I want to address, but I have no idea how to actually change this without creating another fight or another argument," that's exactly why I created Boundaries with Buy-In.
• 29:15
  And Boundaries with Buy-In is open right now, and this is a six-week program that I created specifically to help moms of strong-willed teenage sons.
• 29:28
  And I'm trying to help moms build the kind of boundaries that I've been describing today.
• 29:34
  Not harsher boundaries, not more punishments, and not some system to finally force your teenager to do what you want them to.
• 29:44
  No, we're going to do something that is going to make a lasting change.
• 29:50
  We're gonna help you get clear about what matters to you, who you want to be, what you're responsible for and what your teen is responsible for, and how to start creating those agreements in a way that give your teenager a voice while still allowing you to be the parent and to lead.
• 30:10
  Over the six weeks, we're going to start with why your boundaries keep turning into power struggles, and then we'll work on you, how you want to show up, how you want to lead, and how you want to hold the boundary without losing your cool when your teen pushes back.
• 30:29
  And you're gonna get clear about your values and which things actually deserve a, a boundary.
• 30:36
  Because one of the biggest mistakes that I see parents make is they're trying to control way too many things.
• 30:43
  And you're going to learn exactly how to create boundaries with buy-in in your home.
• 30:51
  And I'll walk you through how to do this, how to give your teen a voice without giving him veto power, how to get clear about what while giving your teen ownership over the how, how to create clear agreements so that everybody knows what's expected and what happens if an agreement isn't met.
• 31:11
  No more late-night surprises.
• 31:14
  And then, and this might be the most important part, we're going to work on what happens when it doesn't go perfectly.
• 31:22
  Because I promise it's not gonna go perfect.
• 31:24
  You still have a teenager, and he's still gonna push back sometimes.
• 31:28
  He's still gonna forget things.
• 31:30
  He's still going to make choices that you don't agree with.
• 31:34
  And I want you to have a place where you can learn how to hold the boundary without going back to yelling or controlling or rescuing or threatening your teen or just giving in because you're tired of the fighting.
• 31:51
  And each week, you're gonna get a training, you're gonna learn some real skills, and you're gonna get a workbook, and we're also gonna have live coaching and Q&A where you can actually bring your real-life situations and get support and feedback.
• 32:10
  So this isn't just,"Well, here's some good parenting information.
• 32:13
  Good luck." No, if you're struggling with video games, bring the video game situation.
• 32:19
  We'll work on that.
• 32:21
  If you're fighting about school, bring the school issues.
• 32:23
  We'll talk about that.
• 32:25
  If bedtime is a disaster, bring bedtime to the Q&A.
• 32:30
  If you've got a teenager who argues about everything, those are things that we'll work together in Boundaries with Buy-In, and we'll work through it together.
• 32:42
  And right now, you can join Boundaries with Buy-In as a founding member for just$597 Don't wait, because enrollment closes this Sunday, September twenty-seventh.
• 32:56
  If you've been listening to these recent episodes thinking,"This sounds great, but I don't know how to actually do this with my teenager," I want you to come join us.
• 33:07
  You don't need to wait for your teenager to become more motivated.
• 33:11
  You don't need him to suddenly realize,"Oh dang, Mom has been right all along." You don't need him to agree to get coaching.
• 33:19
  You can start changing the pattern from your side, from within, and that's really what this entire program is about.
• 33:30
  You lead first.
• 33:31
  You get clear.
• 33:32
  You become more grounded.
• 33:33
  You stop carrying responsibility for things that are actually your teen's responsibility, and you learn how to invite your teenager to step into that role of responsibility.
• 33:47
  So if the version of the family that I've just described in this episode sounds like what you want, clearer boundaries, less fighting, more responsibility, and a better relationship with your teen, I'd love to help you build it.
• 34:03
  Simply go to benpughcoaching.com/bwb.
• 34:11
  Stands for Boundaries With Buy-In.
• 34:14
  You can just go to benpughcoaching.com/bwb to learn more and to join us.
• 34:21
  And again, enrollment closes Sunday, September twenty-seventh.
• 34:26
  And I hope I get the chance to work with you inside Boundaries with Buy-In.
• 34:31
  I promise it'll be a game-changer for you and your family.
• 34:35
  I'll see you soon