Latest / The Parenting Podcast / Parenting Hacks: Cracking the Baby Sleep Code | Ep. 94

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Parenting Hacks: Cracking the Baby Sleep Code | Ep. 94 · The Parenting Podcast

• 0:06
  Hello, amazing parents.
• 0:08
  You've tuned in to the Parenting Podcast with your host, Cheryl Lang.
• 0:14
  Today we're handling a universal real life challenge in parenting, exploring the many facets of baby sleep.
• 0:24
  Or not.
• 0:26
  Now, whether or not this is your first baby, when your sleeping plan didn't work perfectly, have you ever felt like you were messing it all up?
• 0:37
  Or have you been so frustrated because this baby is not sleeping like her brother did?
• 0:45
  Hmm.
• 0:46
  The problem is baby sleep can be a little tricky back and forth.
• 0:51
  Shaped by your parenting style, circumstances, and even your baby's personality or current needs.
• 0:59
  In this episode, we're breaking down the pros and cons of different sleep approaches and offering general principles to guide you.
• 1:08
  From regimented schedules to co sleeping, we'll cover it all.
• 1:13
  Stay with us as we journey through the different parenting philosophy, lend ideas, and help you evaluate a balance between rest for your little one and some much needed shut eye for yourself.
• 1:27
  So, are you ready to crack the baby sleep code together?
• 1:40
  CHeryl: We're not going to talk about one particular question that I got from an individual parent today, okay?
• 1:47
  CHeryl: In fact what we're going to address when you google top questions asked by parents across the internet This is in the top three Yeah, okay.
• 2:01
  CHeryl: How do I get my baby or infant to sleep?
• 2:05
  CHeryl: Oh, the sleep.
• 2:06
  Christie: The sleep question.
• 2:08
  Christie: Everybody's Money piece right there, sleep.
• 2:11
  Ellen: Regardless of your age.
• 2:14
  Christie: All ages, it's important.
• 2:15
  Christie: Yes, because
• 2:16
  CHeryl: we adults, remember, we were earlier talking about trying to get to sleep and staying
• 2:21
  Christie: asleep.
• 2:22
  Christie: Well, the problem with sleep is if you don't have it, not only do you have a bad night, but then you have a bad day.
• 2:27
  Christie: Instead it goes around you.
• 2:30
  Christie: It is a struggle.
• 2:31
  Christie: And you don't know what you have till it's gone.
• 2:36
  Ellen: I've had my kids tell me to go take a nap.
• 2:38
  Christie: And they weren't being
• 2:39
  Ellen: disrespectful.
• 2:40
  Ellen: They were like, Mom, I think you need a nap.
• 2:42
  Ellen: And they were right.
• 2:43
  Ellen: I needed a
• 2:43
  Christie: nap.
• 2:44
  CHeryl: one of the things, uh, You have to be really careful because when you have grandchildren and you talk to them about just blah, blah, blah, blah, they always take it back to mom and dad.
• 2:55
  CHeryl: So I'm always going to think, wait what context do I want this said?
• 2:58
  CHeryl: Because something we began saying, and this is not the tiny ones.
• 3:03
  CHeryl: This is when children are older and they would say, but mom, I'm not sleepy.
• 3:08
  CHeryl: And so we would say, well, you don't have to go to sleep, but you have to be quiet and you can't move.
• 3:13
  CHeryl: Hmm.
• 3:14
  CHeryl: And they go, Well, if I do that, I'll fall asleep.
• 3:17
  CHeryl: Really?
• 3:18
  CHeryl: You know, so I say that to my grandchildren when they're visiting.
• 3:23
  CHeryl: And so I found out, oh, they take that home.
• 3:25
  CHeryl: Gaia says, We don't have to go to sleep.
• 3:28
  CHeryl: I think I need to explain a little bit of that.
• 3:33
  CHeryl: Context.
• 3:34
  CHeryl: All right.
• 3:35
  CHeryl: So what would y'all say?
• 3:37
  CHeryl: How about your experiences?
• 3:38
  CHeryl: Okay.
• 3:38
  CHeryl: Did you have great one, one method that worked with your family?
• 3:44
  CHeryl: Did it work?
• 3:45
  CHeryl: Like, being a new mom, what did you do with your babies?
• 3:49
  CHeryl: It's everything.
• 3:49
  CHeryl: Young moms are tired.
• 3:51
  CHeryl: Yes.
• 3:52
  CHeryl: Because of what they've been through and the family.
• 3:54
  CHeryl: And then as you have more children, you can't go take all the naps.
• 3:58
  CHeryl: Right.
• 3:59
  CHeryl: And so I really do want us to look at this.
• 4:03
  CHeryl: What were your experiences?
• 4:04
  Christie: Well...
• 4:06
  Christie: So I was given early on some advice in the form of a book of really strict sleep training for babies.
• 4:14
  Christie: And I thought, okay, this is great.
• 4:16
  Christie: And I followed it.
• 4:17
  Christie: This is the answer.
• 4:18
  Christie: And it worked.
• 4:19
  Christie: And then I had another baby and it worked again.
• 4:22
  Christie: So I really thought I had the sleep thing figured out.
• 4:26
  Christie: Yeah.
• 4:26
  Christie: And then I had a friend who had her first baby when I had my second baby.
• 4:31
  Christie: And I just kept telling her, well, you just need to Do the five steps in this book like I do.
• 4:36
  Christie: You will have a sleeping child.
• 4:38
  Christie: And then I got my third baby.
• 4:39
  Christie: And that was a different story.
• 4:41
  Christie: And I actually had to call that friend and apologize for being I wasn't ugly to her.
• 4:46
  Christie: I just was prideful and thinking I was doing all the right things.
• 4:49
  Christie: I cracked the code.
• 4:50
  Christie: Yeah, but this Third baby taught me.
• 4:53
  Christie: I had not.
• 4:54
  Christie: Yeah, because she was more challenging.
• 4:55
  Christie: She slept when she wanted to and that wasn't as often as the first two.
• 4:59
  Christie: So yeah.
• 5:00
  Christie: Sleep is individual much.
• 5:01
  Christie: It sure is
• 5:02
  CHeryl: very much.
• 5:03
  CHeryl: Ellen, what about you?
• 5:04
  CHeryl: I know
• 5:04
  Ellen: my first experience with my oldest child was really horrible about the sleep thing.
• 5:09
  Ellen: He had colic, which.
• 5:11
  Ellen: Back in those days, they didn't really do very much other than tell you he has colic, which means his tummy always hurt.
• 5:19
  Ellen: And so he cried a lot.
• 5:22
  Ellen: And my husband was gone a lot.
• 5:23
  Ellen: I mean, for days on end.
• 5:26
  Ellen: Because of military.
• 5:26
  Ellen: Yeah, he was in the military and he was out in the missile field.
• 5:29
  Ellen: There's no phones out there.
• 5:30
  Ellen: And then I didn't live close to family.
• 5:32
  Ellen: So I was kind of sort of had to figure it out on my own.
• 5:36
  Ellen: And, um, I just.
• 5:38
  Ellen: You know, we bought in those days, it was called a snuggly.
• 5:41
  Ellen: It was the beginning of the front packs and these were handmade.
• 5:45
  Ellen: I mean, it was really cool, but basically he lived in a snuggly for the first year of his life.
• 5:51
  Ellen: So to get him to go to sleep.
• 5:53
  Ellen: So since then I've had neck surgery, but that's, that's, that's a.
• 5:57
  Ellen: So I know, but no bitterness
• 5:59
  CHeryl: and he just had to have
• 6:01
  Ellen: that.
• 6:02
  Ellen: Yes, he did.
• 6:03
  Ellen: He didn't.
• 6:03
  Ellen: He had to kind of be upright because of his tummy.
• 6:06
  Ellen: And I didn't fully understand that doctors did kind of now I guess they can offer some medication that can help them with their tummies, but they didn't back then.
• 6:15
  Ellen: And um, so to me that was really hard because I was a new mom.
• 6:19
  Ellen: My husband was gone a lot and I was tired, so I just walked around with this growing baby a lot in the snow because when I went to put him down, that woke him up.
• 6:29
  Christie: With your first baby, kind of like my friend I was talking about, you probably felt like I'm doing everything wrong, what's wrong
• 6:35
  Ellen: with me.
• 6:35
  Ellen: Yes, absolutely.
• 6:37
  CHeryl: And that is the thing.
• 6:39
  CHeryl: Mom's you're not doing something wrong.
• 6:41
  CHeryl: Yeah.
• 6:41
  CHeryl: Okay.
• 6:42
  CHeryl: It is individual.
• 6:44
  CHeryl: It's style.
• 6:45
  CHeryl: I want us in a few weeks I want us to talk about parenting styles because the different philosophies Um, it play into this, the health of your children, your circumstances, and just laid back babies.
• 6:59
  CHeryl: You must have had laid back babies and, and yeah,
• 7:02
  Christie: they were just rhythmic and, and just follow the schedule.
• 7:05
  Christie: All, all my kids eventually.
• 7:08
  Christie: Except for the one like to sleep and and we're just kind of on their own little schedules But yeah, one out of four gunkle girls do not like sleeping
• 7:18
  CHeryl: Well mine slept through the night by 10 o'clock.
• 7:20
  CHeryl: I mean by 10 years old But I I would I had the same struggle.
• 7:25
  CHeryl: I knew nothing and we went back to University town because Bill's getting his master's and I had no one speaking into it I didn't know what to do and I can remember saying Bill, do I put her to bed at, is the proper time seven, seven, 15, eight, 15.
• 7:44
  CHeryl: So what is that perfect time that my baby needs?
• 7:49
  CHeryl: we didn't know, but he said, sweetheart, why don't you just choose something and then just do that regularly.
• 7:55
  CHeryl: But so she trained me very well.
• 7:58
  CHeryl: Okay.
• 7:59
  CHeryl: Because I didn't have the book and.
• 8:01
  CHeryl: My predisposition would be, that's too harsh.
• 8:03
  CHeryl: I was going to say, you don't want the book.
• 8:06
  CHeryl: I would not have lean towards very regimented schedule, but I didn't know what to do.
• 8:13
  CHeryl: And so I thought if I let her cry, I was being negligent.
• 8:18
  CHeryl: And she would grow up with this terrible thing deep in her heart that her mother didn't love her.
• 8:23
  CHeryl: So I thought, Going to sleep was make it or break it for her peace and her future, her future mental health and well being.
• 8:34
  CHeryl: I just didn't know.
• 8:35
  CHeryl: I had no balance.
• 8:37
  CHeryl: So if she went beep, I picked her up.
• 8:40
  CHeryl: Of course, that trained both of us really, really well.
• 8:44
  CHeryl: And, uh, I've actually found out looking when I was trying to go, Okay, what are the different methods that different people have?
• 8:53
  CHeryl: And one's something called a graduated chair method.
• 8:57
  CHeryl: And that's a little bit of what I finally ended up doing with her that I cannot stay in here until she falls asleep.
• 9:06
  CHeryl: Because she, my children would never put them down and fall asleep, like your kids.
• 9:10
  CHeryl: And so, I would pat on the back and then move a little bit away and move a little bit away.
• 9:16
  CHeryl: Oh,
• 9:16
  Ellen: they know when you walk out the door.
• 9:18
  Ellen: Uh huh.
• 9:19
  Ellen: They have
• 9:19
  Christie: like a radar.
• 9:20
  Christie: Yeah, I used to say my kids could smell me.
• 9:22
  Christie: Yes.
• 9:23
  Christie: I think that's true.
• 9:24
  Christie: Which I
• 9:24
  CHeryl: think is true, yeah.
• 9:25
  CHeryl: I think so, too.
• 9:25
  CHeryl: Or you just have your one finger on their back.
• 9:28
  CHeryl: Yes.
• 9:28
  CHeryl: The moment you pick up that one finger.
• 9:30
  CHeryl: They know.
• 9:31
  CHeryl: So, I would not necessarily recommend this because it wasn't balanced.
• 9:37
  CHeryl: It interfered.
• 9:38
  CHeryl: If Bill hadn't been in school.
• 9:40
  CHeryl: Because he was studying, working, or going to school.
• 9:43
  CHeryl: I wouldn't have had any normal life outside of trying to get that baby to bed every night.
• 9:49
  CHeryl: Yeah.
• 9:50
  CHeryl: So, for me, I know that wasn't, I knew that wasn't balanced.
• 9:55
  CHeryl: I began to learn.
• 9:56
  CHeryl: And so then, my second child was a little easier...
• 9:59
  CHeryl: He went to sleep a little better and so I began shaping what you talked about you were forced with your third one.
• 10:07
  CHeryl: I kind of realized I need to listen to his rhythms and then kind of shape his sleeping.
• 10:14
  CHeryl: So I think I came on a much more balanced thing by my second child.
• 10:19
  CHeryl: Well, and
• 10:19
  Christie: balanced is the perfect word because I, this might be a bold statement, but I don't know that there's any philosophy in parenting on any topic that is follow it to the T and it's always right for every kid.
• 10:33
  Christie: I just haven't come across one yet.
• 10:35
  Christie: And so I think pulling from different parents Thoughts and philosophies and ideas and balancing all of that is balancing it for that particular child whatever their needs are.
• 10:46
  Ellen: Because you kind of said it.
• 10:47
  Ellen: You think you got it down.
• 10:48
  Ellen: Uh huh.
• 10:49
  Ellen: And the next kid comes along.
• 10:51
  Ellen: Yeah.
• 10:51
  Ellen: Because I remember um, with, with My first two, the people in our lives were old enough to be our parents that were our mentors and, you know, kind of give us, so they had really old school advice, like lay him in bed and let him cry, which was horrible.
• 11:08
  Ellen: I can remember jumping in the shower so I didn't have to listen to a baby cry and then I couldn't take anymore and had to go get him.
• 11:14
  Ellen: For me, that never worked.
• 11:16
  Ellen: I'm not talking about the little, eh, settle down, crying.
• 11:19
  Ellen: I'm talking about now we're hysterical
• 11:21
  Christie: because mom knows the shift from fussing to losing
• 11:26
  CHeryl: it.
• 11:26
  CHeryl: Well, and so let's look at different approaches and let's talk about the pros and cons.
• 11:32
  CHeryl: Because like some of those books, the books that came out later, and it may have been the one you read, it was very clear you put them down at this time and you do not pick them up again.
• 11:43
  CHeryl: Yeah.
• 11:43
  CHeryl: And it was very regimented.
• 11:45
  CHeryl: It was...
• 11:47
  CHeryl: Uh, definitely a schedule superimposed on the child, regardless of their individual needs or their size, or just the entire situation.
• 11:58
  CHeryl: So there are pros and cons.
• 12:00
  CHeryl: The pro of that is it's very convenient and it works well.
• 12:04
  CHeryl: And I can remember my daughters, when they babysat, They named the name of the book and they go, we love to babysit for those children because you take a man at 702 and you put them down and they don't make a peep the night.
• 12:19
  CHeryl: There's, it's, it worked well to be efficient and
• 12:25
  Christie: produces very good looking kids that make you feel really good about yourself.
• 12:29
  Christie: But I will say too.
• 12:31
  Christie: Maybe I'm painting the picture a little more perfect than it was because there were times that I would break the rules quote unquote of the book and What that left me feeling was a bunch of shame that I was doing it wrong And so I just go back to you know any one method you don't have to hold fast to the whole thing that you're being sold because I know now, I was doing what was right for my child in that moment.
• 12:57
  Christie: I, I, I knew...
• 12:59
  Christie: you picked them up?
• 13:00
  Christie: Yeah.
• 13:00
  Christie: Yes.
• 13:00
  Christie: And so the book would have been much stricter...
• 13:03
  Christie: Right.
• 13:03
  Christie: on, you know, the when to go in and when to help them and when to pat on them and all of that.
• 13:08
  Christie: But it, to me, it was, it was making me feel shame every time I...
• 13:12
  Christie: Quote, unquote, broke the rule.
• 13:13
  Christie: So you're saying,
• 13:14
  Ellen: really, no legalism when it comes to sleeping because things vary.
• 13:20
  Ellen: Right.
• 13:20
  Ellen: How your child feels that day.
• 13:21
  Ellen: How does that book
• 13:21
  Christie: know if my baby, if I had broccoli and my baby's breast milk made them gassy?
• 13:26
  Christie: You know, they don't know that.
• 13:27
  Christie: So why would I apply that to...
• 13:31
  Christie: So these are
• 13:31
  Ellen: general principles, general ideas to help each family figure out how to get their child to sleep.
• 13:38
  Ellen: And what might work in the early years is a little different when they get older.
• 13:42
  Ellen: Right.
• 13:43
  Ellen: You know, because they
• 13:44
  CHeryl: change.
• 13:45
  CHeryl: I
• 13:46
  Ellen: think for my for my family.
• 13:48
  Ellen: We just used whatever worked.
• 13:51
  Ellen: You know, we lived a life where we moved every three years.
• 13:54
  Ellen: Yeah, we had a lot of stuff going.
• 13:57
  Ellen: Sometimes my husband wasn't home for weeks at a time and so I just had to figure out what worked.
• 14:03
  Ellen: And usually if it was too structured, because in the end it falls on whoever's trying to put the child to bed.
• 14:10
  Ellen: It falls on your shoulders.
• 14:11
  Ellen: Yeah.
• 14:11
  Ellen: As to what's gonna happen.
• 14:13
  Ellen: And I can just remember many times just kind of crying'cause I was so tired.
• 14:18
  Ellen: Mm-hmm.
• 14:18
  Ellen: and my baby did not wanna go to sleep or my little one didn't wanna go to sleep.
• 14:22
  Ellen: And just really, really frustrated And um, At the same time, I never appreciated people that had their little kids at, you know, 10 o'clock at night running around the house, their little toddlers, because they're exhausted.
• 14:37
  Ellen: And because the parents didn't believe in a bedtime.
• 14:40
  Ellen: All that to say, there's lots of methods out there.
• 14:44
  Ellen: And I think you have to find what's comfortable for you as the mom and dad as The parents, and then you can kind of do that, but be, do it with flexibility, understanding that maybe in another year we do something a little different.
• 14:57
  Ellen: I mean, I would have loved it if every time I wanted my child to go to sleep, I just laid him down and patted him on the back, but you know, it didn't usually work that way.
• 15:05
  CHeryl: You mentioned one about letting the child decide the bedtime.
• 15:09
  CHeryl: Because there's a movement, and there are books, and there are probably apps and websites, and a name for it.
• 15:16
  CHeryl: I don't know what the name would be.
• 15:17
  CHeryl: Free range.
• 15:18
  CHeryl: Free range.
• 15:19
  CHeryl: Yeah.
• 15:20
  CHeryl: And so, now.
• 15:22
  CHeryl: This is enabling the child to make decisions and, and doing that aspect of, it's a gentleness, but it's saying you help determine your future.
• 15:34
  CHeryl: And so they're trying, I think, to equip and have the child go on that.
• 15:38
  CHeryl: Um, I'm trying to think of the pro of it would be that, but what do y'all think?
• 15:43
  CHeryl: There's
• 15:43
  Christie: some pros too, and more time with, you know, if you're, if the parents work, there's more time with the family as a unit in the evening.
• 15:52
  Christie: Um, A little less strict and structured could be good in some ways.
• 15:58
  CHeryl: Okay, so what would be the negatives of free range?
• 16:02
  Christie: Well, I think kids crave structure, whether they know it or not.
• 16:05
  Christie: They like a predictable schedule and rhythm.
• 16:08
  Christie: And, and sometimes that's contrary to the parents.
• 16:11
  Christie: Personality type, but I think kids really do best when things are predictable.
• 16:17
  Ellen: And they get overtired.
• 16:19
  Ellen: And then they become really miserable, and then everybody's miserable.
• 16:22
  Ellen: Because I think you have to see, the sleep thing in particular, has to be something that fits the whole family.
• 16:28
  Ellen: You know, if my husband's on one rhythm and I'm on a different, and then the baby's on a different one, that puts a lot of stress and tension on the family.
• 16:38
  CHeryl: Ellen, when you're saying the children get overtired, I will tell you, that's the time my children didn't want to go to sleep.
• 16:44
  CHeryl: Right.
• 16:45
  CHeryl: Yes.
• 16:45
  CHeryl: They're not thinking clearly.
• 16:46
  CHeryl: I don't know what flips inside of children and babies, but they don't go to sleep when they're overtired.
• 16:53
  CHeryl: Right.
• 16:53
  CHeryl: So that might be one, another negative.
• 16:55
  CHeryl: Right.
• 16:56
  Ellen: Because they're just
• 16:56
  Christie: overstimulated.
• 16:57
  Christie: Yeah.
• 16:58
  Christie: And I think, I think for me, if it's not the first child, that was often the time I got with my older kids once the baby went down, you know, when I put the baby down a little earlier, maybe an hour or so earlier than the older kids.
• 17:12
  Christie: So, you know, that would segregate a little bit that way so I could have one on one time with my older children.
• 17:18
  Christie: And your spouse and your spouse.
• 17:19
  Ellen: Ultimately, you know, you get some time or
• 17:21
  Christie: alone, you know?
• 17:22
  Christie: Yes, that's true.
• 17:23
  Christie: Get back.
• 17:23
  CHeryl: You know, it's interesting.
• 17:24
  CHeryl: We're talking about this very practical area.
• 17:27
  CHeryl: Yeah, but It's our philosophy, you know, and it's
• 17:31
  Ellen: loaded with guilt Cheryl.
• 17:32
  Ellen: Wow, you know, I think that that's kind of what we're all saying If you felt like you didn't find the right way to do it, you felt guilty.
• 17:39
  Ellen: I'm not a good parent I can't get my baby to sleep and because then After a while, it's their schedule, not ours.
• 17:48
  Ellen: And I think that's a philosophical thing you kind of have to weigh.
• 17:51
  Ellen: You know, um, we had a lifestyle where we needed to have a schedule.
• 17:56
  Ellen: Mike sometimes had to get up at 5, 5.
• 17:58
  Ellen: 30 in the morning.
• 17:59
  Ellen: So having a baby up till midnight, you know, even if I was the primary caregiver at that moment, was still very disruptive.
• 18:06
  CHeryl: well, and then there's, co sleeping, okay, where the baby doesn't have a bed separate from the parents.
• 18:14
  CHeryl: What do y'all think about, and I know in non Western cultures, there's a lot more family togetherness in sleeping.
• 18:23
  CHeryl: But sometimes they don't
• 18:23
  Ellen: have a choice.
• 18:24
  Ellen: That's right.
• 18:24
  Ellen: They don't have
• 18:25
  CHeryl: one bed.
• 18:25
  CHeryl: Yeah.
• 18:26
  CHeryl: For everybody.
• 18:26
  CHeryl: So, this is people that have a choice.
• 18:28
  CHeryl: Yes.
• 18:28
  CHeryl: Okay, so let's address that.
• 18:29
  CHeryl: What about co sleeping?
• 18:30
  CHeryl: Did you do it?
• 18:31
  CHeryl: What would be the pros and the cons of these choices?
• 18:35
  Christie: Well, the pro is it's really convenient.
• 18:37
  Christie: Yeah, sure.
• 18:37
  Christie: Um, you know, with my last two kids, I did a lot of put them in their bed at the first half of the night, but then when they'd wake up for the night feeding, bring them in bed with me to nurse them, and then co sleep for the rest of the night.
• 18:49
  Christie: You know, the nine until morning, and that was that was very convenient because they're right there.
• 18:55
  Christie: I didn't have to get up to go get them again.
• 18:57
  Christie: And, and they did probably sleep a little better because they were warm and cozy
• 19:01
  CHeryl: with mom.
• 19:01
  CHeryl: Well, and going to sleep is very easy because everybody's cozy and cuddly.
• 19:06
  CHeryl: Babies do well and young children do right.
• 19:09
  CHeryl: So it's a, uh, tearless, comfortable, easier, connect the warm fuzzy.
• 19:17
  Christie: Okay, I'm gonna stop you at the comfortable and the con because there's nothing like waking up with a Toddler foot in your eye for them,
• 19:27
  CHeryl: rather than their own lonely bed, separate and
• 19:30
  Ellen: all the feeling like you have to protect your child from your husband rolling over on your child because he sleeps better than you do.
• 19:40
  CHeryl: Ellen, tell the story about you lost your baby one time in the house.
• 19:43
  CHeryl: Oh,
• 19:43
  Ellen: yeah, because we did, we did co sleeping, kind of like you did, Christy, where we tried to start out in the bed.
• 19:49
  Ellen: So one of our babies I just finished nursing him.
• 19:52
  Ellen: And, um, I guess I fell back to sleep and I woke up and I couldn't find him.
• 19:57
  Ellen: And I went into this absolute panic.
• 20:00
  Ellen: It's still dark.
• 20:01
  Ellen: I'm searching the bottom of the sheets.
• 20:03
  Ellen: Finally, my husband said, It's okay.
• 20:05
  Ellen: It's okay.
• 20:05
  Ellen: I got him.
• 20:07
  Ellen: He had taken him out of my arms when I was sound asleep and put him on his chest and was just enjoying him.
• 20:13
  Ellen: But I'm in a complete panic because I thought I've lost my
• 20:15
  Christie: baby.
• 20:15
  Christie: My goodness, that would panic you.
• 20:18
  CHeryl: And some people and some medical professionals are concerned about the safety of the baby in bed.
• 20:25
  CHeryl: So If you're considering this, you might want to do your research
• 20:29
  Christie: and decide.
• 20:29
  Christie: They have some great co sleepers that pull up right up to the bed now.
• 20:33
  Christie: Yes.
• 20:34
  Christie: You know, bassinets that have one side free and lots of
• 20:37
  Ellen: options.
• 20:37
  Ellen: That's eventually what we had.
• 20:39
  Ellen: So I could just roll over, because we had a waterbed, so I could just kind of roll over Swim over to the side.
• 20:44
  Ellen: And put the baby.
• 20:46
  Ellen: That's why the babies want to sleep with us.
• 20:47
  Ellen: We had this nice warm
• 20:48
  CHeryl: waterbed.
• 20:49
  CHeryl: So, okay, so those are some of the benefits.
• 20:53
  CHeryl: What would be some of the negatives or the cons?
• 20:55
  CHeryl: The
• 20:55
  Christie: toddler foot in the eye.
• 20:59
  Christie: And I don't, I mean, I say I slept better.
• 21:02
  Christie: I got, maybe got more sleep, but it wasn't quality sleep because I was kind of conscious all night of, you know, who was rolling around and, and you're just, you've got a baby there and you know, not to mention, well, that's probably TMI, sometimes you wake up in a puddle of breast milk and yeah, I mean, it's just not good quality sleep, but if it's the only sleep you can get, then,
• 21:24
  CHeryl: or this is what you prefer, right?
• 21:27
  CHeryl: I will say from a number of moms that I've talked to, um, they chose co sleeping, and most of those were several children in, and so that's kind of when the child quit co sleeping was when the new baby took over, you know, and, um, those that have come to me about it struggling because it's kind of hard to break the habit, and A lot of times it's their youngest who's really gotten up in age, but they've never had to learn to sleep in their bed.
• 22:01
  CHeryl: So one of the negatives or the concerns about it is, is the children don't develop that ability to sleep on their own and the self soothing of going back to sleep.
• 22:13
  CHeryl: There's no progression in that and that can be hard.
• 22:18
  CHeryl: And then, uh, obviously if you're married.
• 22:22
  CHeryl: Uh, that brings in another dynamic of just the two of you being in bed together and everything that goes on in a bed.
• 22:29
  CHeryl: Sorry honey, don't squish the baby.
• 22:32
  CHeryl: And so forth.
• 22:33
  CHeryl: Yes.
• 22:33
  CHeryl: But some of these are the negatives.
• 22:35
  CHeryl: And, uh, I remember, I've just, a number of moms have come to me about that.
• 22:40
  CHeryl: How do I kind of get myself out of this trap?
• 22:43
  CHeryl: I don't know how to do it.
• 22:45
  CHeryl: And one of them, because her daughter was, I don't even know.
• 22:50
  CHeryl: Six?
• 22:51
  CHeryl: I'm not sure.
• 22:52
  CHeryl: And so she actually purchased, I don't know what the name of it is, but there are all kinds of things you can purchase for everything.
• 22:59
  CHeryl: And she purchased a whole scheduled type thing to begin a whole plan for moving your baby out.
• 23:09
  CHeryl: And how to, Gently teach them how to sell soon and move out even at age five or whatever she was so I'm
• 23:19
  Ellen: sure there's something on YouTube, right?
• 23:21
  Ellen: Everything's on YouTube, you know, if you're really struggling
• 23:24
  CHeryl: But any other negatives that you see in the co sleeping?
• 23:28
  CHeryl: Well,
• 23:28
  Christie: I think You know, bedtime is, is a time for mom to just shut her brain off.
• 23:33
  Christie: Yes.
• 23:33
  Christie: And so if you have a child that is actually sleeping, it's a great way to separate a little bit and just restore some of your mental sanity and it makes you a better mom during the day.
• 23:45
  Christie: So even though it feels like you're being more attentive by having them close to you, you might give them better quality care in the day if you're getting that mental break and.
• 23:54
  Christie: And I
• 23:55
  Ellen: don't know if I mentioned this, but I can remember with my first one, just going into the shower and crying because I was so exhausted.
• 24:02
  Ellen: And that's not a good place to be either.
• 24:05
  Ellen: But I think, you know, this too shall pass.
• 24:09
  Ellen: And so I think we have to realize, you know, eventually they will sleep in their own bed unless you really want them in their bed till they're 12.
• 24:17
  Ellen: But most of the time they will go to their own bed as you slowly start doing it.
• 24:21
  Ellen: Yeah,
• 24:22
  CHeryl: so I think what we're saying and then also what the experts say, unless they have an agenda, but most experts say, find what works for you and your family, the individual things.
• 24:36
  CHeryl: And again, it goes back to philosophy.
• 24:38
  CHeryl: Well, some people say, no, our bed is our domain, and the child has to learn to live in their domain of their bed.
• 24:46
  CHeryl: that's a philosophy that's different from what a co sleeper would say.
• 24:48
  CHeryl: And you
• 24:49
  Ellen: want to, as a couple, make sure you're on the same
• 24:52
  CHeryl: page.
• 24:53
  CHeryl: Right.
• 24:54
  CHeryl: I will say that was sort of an issue with some of the, particularly the co sleeping more, very gentle approach, very child centered approach.
• 25:05
  CHeryl: Right.
• 25:06
  CHeryl: Uh, is the couple wasn't necessarily in agreement on it.
• 25:09
  CHeryl: Mm hmm.
• 25:10
  CHeryl: And so that was part of the problem.
• 25:12
  CHeryl: And so that's a great point that we talk about together, what do we do, or let's be ignorant together.
• 25:19
  CHeryl: Let's
• 25:19
  Christie: figure it out together.
• 25:20
  Christie: Find a plan that everyone's living happily
• 25:22
  CHeryl: with.
• 25:23
  CHeryl: And I'm telling you, science doesn't offer, this is the one thing that's really best that meets all the needs of the children.
• 25:31
  CHeryl: and the parents and the family and works really well.
• 25:35
  CHeryl: If you're paying for that, someone sold you a bill of goods.
• 25:39
  CHeryl: Well, I
• 25:40
  Ellen: mean, we're all grown adults and some
• 25:42
  CHeryl: of us are still having trouble sleeping.
• 25:45
  Ellen: I guess it's just a universal problem that happens with the human body.
• 25:49
  CHeryl: It sure is, but I'm hoping we've given sort of a bigger picture here and some of the practical ideas.
• 25:56
  CHeryl: For those of you that are trying to...
• 25:58
  CHeryl: Work your way through getting that baby to sleep.
• 26:01
  CHeryl: Yes.
• 26:01
  CHeryl: Okay.
• 26:02
  CHeryl: So thank y'all very much.
• 26:04
  CHeryl: Okay.
• 26:05
  CHeryl: So moms, wake up.
• 26:06
  CHeryl: We have something we want to tell you.
• 26:09
  CHeryl: Remember, hang in there, keep loving, keep persevering because it's worth it.
• 26:21
  As we wind down today's episode, remember that parenting is not a one size fits all journey.
• 26:28
  And baby sleep is just one part of that adventure.
• 26:33
  It's shaped by your unique circumstances, parenting style, and this particular baby.
• 26:41
  There's no universal rulebook to follow.
• 26:46
  We've explored different sleep approaches and discussed their pros and cons.
• 26:51
  And highlighted the importance of flexibility.
• 26:54
  Remember, what works today might not work tomorrow.
• 27:00
  The key is finding out what fits your family's rhythms and philosophy.
• 27:07
  We encourage you to get in touch with us through our website, social media platforms, or by dropping us a line at contact at theparentingpodcast.
• 27:17
  com.
• 27:18
  We genuinely value your experiences and questions.
• 27:23
  I'm so glad you joined us today.
• 27:26
  Keep an ear out for our next episode where we'll continue providing you with helpful insights and stories of hope that will strengthen your journey through parenthood.
• 27:36
  TPP is your support for today and in the years ahead.