Latest / The You Project / #2211 Asked and Answered - Harps (PT2)

Transcript

#2211 Asked and Answered - Harps (PT2) · The You Project

0:00
Speaker 1: Good A team, Welcome back for installment two of our
0:04
Speaker 1: Q and A. I hope you enjoyed yesterday. Let's continue
0:06
Speaker 1: on without any further ado. Christy Mav says, can I
0:12
Speaker 1: talk about statn's Christy, I'm going to say no, just
0:16
Speaker 1: because I am not I understand what they are, I
0:18
Speaker 1: understand the theory behind how they work. She wants to
0:22
Speaker 1: know the impact on the human body. I am not
0:25
Speaker 1: qualified to talk with any authority on that. I can
0:28
Speaker 1: talk about it, but I probably know about as much
0:31
Speaker 1: as the next person. Maybe a little bit more maybe,
0:33
Speaker 1: but I'm definitely not in a position where I feel
0:37
Speaker 1: the world is going to benefit from my opinion on that.
0:40
Speaker 1: But what I will do, because I know you've been
0:42
Speaker 1: banging on about this a while, Christy, Chrissy and me
0:46
Speaker 1: in that a loving way, I'll get someone on the
0:49
Speaker 1: podcast who is an expert and we'll explore it. Tracy
0:54
Speaker 1: Roberts says, I'd love to know how much you spend
0:58
Speaker 1: on coffee a week. That's very random, all right, Well,
1:01
Speaker 1: my cuffee is five point fifty. Generally I get two
1:04
Speaker 1: a day. It's eleven bucks. There's seven days in a week.
1:07
Speaker 1: I'm going to go give or take seventy seven bucks.
1:10
Speaker 1: That was the easiest question ever. Thanks Tracy, John Cameron,
1:15
Speaker 1: John Cameron, thanks for the opportunity from John, not me.
1:19
Speaker 1: John Cameron, thanks to the opportunity. I'd like to know
1:21
Speaker 1: if you believe positive self talk is a useful adjunct
1:25
Speaker 1: to awareness and habit management. I am going to say
1:31
Speaker 1: I believe it is. I don't have sitting in front
1:34
Speaker 1: of me any evidence of any data, any papers, any statistics,
1:38
Speaker 1: any research, but my experience is not. But I'm a
1:46
Speaker 1: big self talker in that way. But I I do
1:53
Speaker 1: a little bit where I will often say to myself,
1:56
Speaker 1: come on, harps, come on, harps. I don't know if
1:59
Speaker 1: that's positive, but I coach myself a little bit at times.
2:04
Speaker 1: And I also, you know, there are times when, for example,
2:07
Speaker 1: I'm going to go talk to a very big group
2:09
Speaker 1: might be a thousand people. I've done a version of
2:12
Speaker 1: that many times. And part of me is fearful because
2:17
Speaker 1: part of me is insecure, part of me is self doubt,
2:20
Speaker 1: part of me is self sabotaged. Part of me is
2:23
Speaker 1: this is going to be the day that you fuck up.
2:27
Speaker 1: And in that moment, I tend to you know, I don't.
2:31
Speaker 1: I'm not the Hey, you can do anything, come on, champ.
2:34
Speaker 1: I don't do that. But I'm aware that I've done
2:38
Speaker 1: a version of this many times, so I have an
2:41
Speaker 1: awareness I might have the emotion. So one is cognitive,
2:44
Speaker 1: one is emotion. The emotion is I feel this, I
2:48
Speaker 1: feel scared, I feel not good enough, I feel insecure.
2:52
Speaker 1: The intellect, the knowledge, the prefrontal cortex, is the awareness
2:56
Speaker 1: that I have done this. Greg, You've done this and
2:59
Speaker 1: you've survived. And not only have you done it, you
3:02
Speaker 1: keep doing it and people ask you back. That's not arrogance,
3:05
Speaker 1: that's history. You've got a history of doing this and
3:09
Speaker 1: going okay because people pay you to keep doing it.
3:13
Speaker 1: So sometimes the awareness and the knowledge right is enough
3:20
Speaker 1: to turn around that insecurity. And I think also, look,
3:25
Speaker 1: I'm an expert in this bit. But to me, what
3:28
Speaker 1: is the self talk like? What are we talking about?
3:30
Speaker 1: Are we talking about positive affirmations looking in the mirror?
3:34
Speaker 1: Are we talking about talking out loud when you're about
3:37
Speaker 1: to run out and playform? Come on aarbs. I don't know.
3:41
Speaker 1: I think I think generally speaking, it ain't gonna hurt
3:46
Speaker 1: and it might help Ashley Rule Why don't our bodies.
3:54
Speaker 1: Why don't our bodies grow symmetrically when we train. I'm
3:58
Speaker 1: right handed, but my left is bigger, same way each side.
4:03
Speaker 1: Actually that is I've never been asked that question. I'm
4:07
Speaker 1: not an authority on this, but I'm going to say, Okay,
4:11
Speaker 1: a small percentage of the time because of what people
4:15
Speaker 1: do in their life predominantly or their job or their
4:18
Speaker 1: you know. I guess a really obvious example would be
4:22
Speaker 1: somebody whose job is to hit a tennis ball and
4:25
Speaker 1: to play tennis. And I remember there are many. In fact,
4:28
Speaker 1: every professional tennis player there is an irregularity or there
4:33
Speaker 1: is a there is a difference between one side and
4:36
Speaker 1: the other. And that's because they play left handed. So
4:38
Speaker 1: everything's bigger, shoulder, a tricep, bicet for hand strength, everything's better, bigger,
4:44
Speaker 1: stronger on one side. That's a byproduct of what they do.
4:47
Speaker 1: A lot other than that, I do not know the mechanism.
4:52
Speaker 1: In other words, I don't know what makes it do that.
4:56
Speaker 1: But it's got to be genetic, it's got to be well,
5:00
Speaker 1: this is my guess. This is my educator guess. I
5:03
Speaker 1: have not researched this, but I am bigger on one side. Also,
5:06
Speaker 1: I'm bigger on the left side. Now I'm like you.
5:10
Speaker 1: I lift the weights the same weights both sides. I
5:13
Speaker 1: do everything equally. I do as many things as I
5:17
Speaker 1: can bilaterally, which means if I've got a twenty kilo
5:21
Speaker 1: dumbell in my left hand, I've got a twenty kilo
5:24
Speaker 1: dumbell in my right hand. It shifts a bit. When
5:27
Speaker 1: we're doing things where we're just moving one thing with
5:31
Speaker 1: both sides of our body, we can kind of prefer
5:34
Speaker 1: or advantage one side a bit. But yeah, I think
5:42
Speaker 1: not for everyone. Like you're the opposite here, which is interesting.
5:45
Speaker 1: For most people, they're dominant. You know. So I'm left handed,
5:50
Speaker 1: my left side is bigger. What's hilarious. And I understand
5:53
Speaker 1: that most kind of left shoulder arm form is quite
5:57
Speaker 1: a bit bigger. I mean, not stupid, but I've been
6:01
Speaker 1: asked many times, do you know your left side is
6:04
Speaker 1: bigger than your right side? When people when I'm if
6:06
Speaker 1: I'm speaking in a T shirt, I'm at an event
6:09
Speaker 1: Jean's T shirt, people will go, your left arm is
6:12
Speaker 1: observably bigger than your right arm, and I go, yeah,
6:15
Speaker 1: I know they both get the same treatment. So my
6:19
Speaker 1: thinking is that's got to be some genetic thing. There's
6:23
Speaker 1: nothing else that springs to mind to me that would
6:26
Speaker 1: cause that, unless that's in our DNA, or it's a
6:30
Speaker 1: byproduct of work or lifestyle or certain behaviors. So I
6:35
Speaker 1: don't think I helped at all, Ashley. But I did
6:37
Speaker 1: have a crack Deborah Joy. How are you? I think
6:41
Speaker 1: I've said already, Deborah, But thank you so much. I am.
6:45
Speaker 1: I'm okay, Like I'm not pretending I'm okay. I'm okay
6:51
Speaker 1: sometimes if like sometimes I will someone will. People have
6:56
Speaker 1: been sending me a million fucking photos lately, which is
6:58
Speaker 1: beautiful and gorgeous and sometimes emotional. So there are times
7:02
Speaker 1: when I get a picture of me and Dad from
7:05
Speaker 1: some uncle or auntie or relative, and I get a
7:09
Speaker 1: bit teary, and I stop, and I reflect and tell
7:12
Speaker 1: Dad I love him, and do what I do, and then,
7:17
Speaker 1: you know, collect myself and then just move on. So
7:20
Speaker 1: I allow myself to feel what I'm feeling. But I
7:24
Speaker 1: guess I'm not being hijacked by my emotions. But there's
7:28
Speaker 1: no denial, there's and I'm I'm just grooving along. And
7:32
Speaker 1: could I wake up tomorrow and feel kind of shit?
7:35
Speaker 1: One hundred percent. I could. I don't know if I will.
7:38
Speaker 1: But if I do feel shit, then you bump into
7:40
Speaker 1: me and you go, hey, are you feeling? I will
7:43
Speaker 1: say kind of shit because that's the truth. But how
7:46
Speaker 1: am I feeling? As I record this right now? I
7:50
Speaker 1: feel fine? Ah, Darren, Oh, my top inspirational three people. Okay,
7:59
Speaker 1: so the first one is going to sound naf but
8:01
Speaker 1: because of what's going on in my life. But I'm
8:05
Speaker 1: going to put my mum at the top of the list.
8:07
Speaker 1: Now that's just not some kind of obligatory you know,
8:11
Speaker 1: my mum is one of the most resilient people I know.
8:18
Speaker 1: For the last six months she has cared for my
8:20
Speaker 1: dad most of the time. When he wasn't in hospital,
8:24
Speaker 1: she cared for him. Mum ways at the moment, thirty
8:28
Speaker 1: seven kilos. She used to be five foot one. She's
8:31
Speaker 1: shorter than five foot now. She's eighty six years old.
8:34
Speaker 1: She does not complain. She's very stoic, she's very strong
8:43
Speaker 1: and until you know, twelve days ago, she would be
8:47
Speaker 1: at the hospital every day, sitting with Dad for hours
8:50
Speaker 1: and hours and hours, often when he was not conscious,
8:54
Speaker 1: often when he was unaware that she was there, and
9:00
Speaker 1: I'm inspired by people who people who do a lot
9:07
Speaker 1: with not a lot, do you know what I mean?
9:09
Speaker 1: There are other people that I could talk about that
9:11
Speaker 1: are famous, that have done awesome shit, but they I
9:15
Speaker 1: respect them, and I might even look up to them,
9:18
Speaker 1: and I might even get motivated by them at times,
9:23
Speaker 1: but it's not inspiration. Inspiration for me is inspiration for
9:29
Speaker 1: me is John, who I've spoken about too many times.
9:32
Speaker 1: But my friend who I've been helping along with my
9:35
Speaker 1: training partner Mark, I've been helping him rehab recover from
9:42
Speaker 1: an accident, a horrific, drastically life changing accident that he
9:47
Speaker 1: had eight years ago. I won't replay the whole thing,
9:50
Speaker 1: but yeah, he is somebody that has for what he
9:54
Speaker 1: has to work with. The guy who they said would
9:57
Speaker 1: be a quadriplegic, who would never walk, who would never
10:00
Speaker 1: do all of these things, He walks now, he talks,
10:05
Speaker 1: he has relationships. He's got challenges and limitations, but he's
10:13
Speaker 1: for the most part socially fully operational. He drives his
10:17
Speaker 1: car to the gym. He comes to the gym when
10:20
Speaker 1: he's in pain, which is every day. He's never in
10:23
Speaker 1: zero pain. There's always he's always in the you know
10:27
Speaker 1: the three four to ten range on the pain scale.
10:34
Speaker 1: He inspires me, there, look, they're probably more, but I
10:37
Speaker 1: don't want to just grab a name for the sake
10:39
Speaker 1: of rounding out the top three. Let me just have
10:42
Speaker 1: a This is not good thinking on a podcast. That's
10:45
Speaker 1: not great fucking podcasting, is it? But nobody else there
10:50
Speaker 1: are a million people, but nobody that springs to mind
10:56
Speaker 1: right now, Kirsty Mead asks how much of who we
10:58
Speaker 1: are as genuinely our choice and how much is shaped
11:03
Speaker 1: by experiences? Or I think a good question also, Kirsty,
11:09
Speaker 1: is how much of who we are as genetic? So
11:13
Speaker 1: I think a reason now, if we're just talking physiology,
11:18
Speaker 1: well obviously it's a big part genetic. But also even
11:22
Speaker 1: with physiology, let's say you've got certain of course you've
11:25
Speaker 1: got certain genetics. And while we can't change our genetics
11:29
Speaker 1: per se, we can manipulate our genetics. In other words,
11:34
Speaker 1: we can waste them, we can abuse them, we can
11:38
Speaker 1: do the worst thing with them. Or we can optimize them.
11:42
Speaker 1: We can optimize our ability, our genetic potential. I do
11:48
Speaker 1: not I have okay genetics, but not amazing genetics. But
11:52
Speaker 1: I know that at sixty two The only way that
11:57
Speaker 1: I can get better, the only way that I can
12:00
Speaker 1: stay strong, healthy, functional, operational, or maybe even improve is
12:06
Speaker 1: by what I do, not what I was born with.
12:12
Speaker 1: So that's from a physiological point, from an emotional and
12:15
Speaker 1: a psychological point. You ask a very clever question, and
12:20
Speaker 1: how much of who we are? I don't want to
12:24
Speaker 1: get too semantic, but it's like, what are we talking
12:27
Speaker 1: about when we say who we are? Are we talking
12:31
Speaker 1: about our personality? Are we're talking about our behavior? Are
12:36
Speaker 1: we talking about our body? Are we talking about the
12:39
Speaker 1: way that we interact, the way that we exist? In
12:42
Speaker 1: that there are so many things. My first question, if
12:45
Speaker 1: we were chatting is I would say, to you, define
12:48
Speaker 1: what you mean by who we are? Good questions forget
12:54
Speaker 1: other good questions. So I think a lot of I'm
13:00
Speaker 1: just going to kind of guess what I think you mean.
13:02
Speaker 1: I think a lot of who we are in terms
13:06
Speaker 1: of our behavior, our decisions, how we show up in
13:09
Speaker 1: the world, how we're perceived by others, is I think
13:13
Speaker 1: a lot more is shaped by programming and experiences and
13:19
Speaker 1: school and family and relationships and media and social media
13:25
Speaker 1: and all of those things. A lot more is shaped
13:26
Speaker 1: by that than we know, or we are fully aware
13:29
Speaker 1: of I think too consciously. I don't think we change
13:34
Speaker 1: who we are, but I think we can change how
13:37
Speaker 1: we are. And again this comes down to another really
13:43
Speaker 1: interesting area of conversation and science and psychology is identity
13:48
Speaker 1: self identity. So for a long time I got my identity,
13:53
Speaker 1: my sense of self who I am, who I am
13:55
Speaker 1: to the world through my body and through how strong
14:00
Speaker 1: or fit or whatever, because I had a false belief,
14:05
Speaker 1: and that false belief was that essentially my worth, my identity,
14:11
Speaker 1: myself is what I look like and this body that
14:15
Speaker 1: I live in, because I learned a few bad lessons early,
14:18
Speaker 1: one of them being the more attractive or the more
14:21
Speaker 1: in shape I am, the more popular I seem to be,
14:25
Speaker 1: or the more attention I seem to get. That's a
14:27
Speaker 1: bad lesson to learn. But I think what you're getting
14:31
Speaker 1: at is the real challenges to figure out how we
14:36
Speaker 1: are in the world and how we are for ourself
14:40
Speaker 1: and how we are for our others. And this is
14:44
Speaker 1: really pressing into this component of your question was about,
14:49
Speaker 1: which is about choice. And I don't think we become
14:54
Speaker 1: different by choosing to be different. I think we become
14:58
Speaker 1: a different version of how we are by doing the
15:03
Speaker 1: work that creates that change. Everybody makes choices that they
15:08
Speaker 1: do not follow through. On most people, I think most
15:13
Speaker 1: people that make big choices or decisions or profound I
15:16
Speaker 1: am going to do this, change that, and become that
15:19
Speaker 1: most people don't actually do it. Is my belief, is
15:24
Speaker 1: my opinion, is my experience and observation. The way that
15:29
Speaker 1: we become a different version of us, still us at
15:36
Speaker 1: our core, but more articulate, or more patient, or stronger,
15:40
Speaker 1: or more adaptable or more knowledgeable, or the way that
15:46
Speaker 1: we get these benefits or these adaptations is by going
15:50
Speaker 1: into a process and doing what's required to become different.
15:58
Speaker 1: You can read a book about how to be an
16:00
Speaker 1: amazing concert pianist for a year. You can read books
16:07
Speaker 1: for three years on how to be a brilliant musician,
16:11
Speaker 1: But until you get on the piano, until you pick
16:14
Speaker 1: up the instrument, until you start, or your shit because
16:18
Speaker 1: you've never been on that instrument. And of course you're
16:21
Speaker 1: shit because you haven't played, and you're embarrassed to be
16:24
Speaker 1: shit because all your friends are good, so you're like,
16:26
Speaker 1: fuck that. I'll just keep reading the books. No, you
16:29
Speaker 1: need to go at the start, at the beginning, I
16:32
Speaker 1: will not be good. I will not be great to
16:34
Speaker 1: listen to. I will have no skill because I haven't
16:38
Speaker 1: developed the skill. How you become the better version of
16:42
Speaker 1: you is in the doing. It's always in the doing.
16:46
Speaker 1: Thanks for your question, Kirsty. Mitch McDuff, Oh, how do
16:53
Speaker 1: you deal with someone who regulates their emotions by taking
16:58
Speaker 1: out their frustration on others? Mitch? After an hour of
17:03
Speaker 1: doing this, I don't know that my brain is up
17:06
Speaker 1: to answering this question, but I'll just give you my thoughts.
17:11
Speaker 1: People who take out their emotions or take out their
17:14
Speaker 1: frustration on you, I think again, and I'm not trying
17:20
Speaker 1: to avoid the question. I don't have a simple answer
17:22
Speaker 1: because I don't think it's a simple question, because I
17:24
Speaker 1: think there are a lot of variables. My real answer
17:28
Speaker 1: would be it depends. But then taking that further, how
17:33
Speaker 1: do you deal with someone who regulates their emotions? Okay,
17:38
Speaker 1: for me, it would depend is this person? Does this
17:42
Speaker 1: person need to be in my life? If somebody is
17:46
Speaker 1: constantly being disrespectful, unpleasant, anti social, borderline rude to me, ah,
17:56
Speaker 1: I would I would on the person and depending on
18:01
Speaker 1: my take on them in the situation, I would either
18:05
Speaker 1: have a big boy conversation with them ah or I
18:14
Speaker 1: would eliminate them from my life. And that doesn't mean
18:19
Speaker 1: that just means I wouldn't have And I've done this
18:21
Speaker 1: many times with people who to me are rude, are inconsiderate,
18:26
Speaker 1: are selfish. And I'm not talking about the odd time.
18:29
Speaker 1: I'm talking about people who are consistently that who I
18:34
Speaker 1: And this is probably not very good coaching. This is
18:36
Speaker 1: me thinking out loud. And I'm happy to work with
18:40
Speaker 1: people who are hard work, by the way, But people
18:43
Speaker 1: who are battling something or dealing with something, but they
18:45
Speaker 1: have a good attitude, but what they're going through is
18:48
Speaker 1: not easily fixed. It's complicated there. But I'm all up
18:52
Speaker 1: for that. But people who regulate their emotions by taking
18:56
Speaker 1: out frustration on you are being selfish, They are being disrespectful,
19:00
Speaker 1: and they are not taking into account you or your
19:04
Speaker 1: feelings or your state. I personally would have as little
19:10
Speaker 1: to do with them as possible. Now, if that's somebody
19:14
Speaker 1: who is in your life by virtue of marriage or
19:22
Speaker 1: family or whatever, I'm not talking about our marriage a
19:26
Speaker 1: partner per se, but I just think I would try
19:33
Speaker 1: to I would try to manage the encounters I have
19:39
Speaker 1: with them and not give them the opportunity to open
19:44
Speaker 1: that door. I would not argue with them, I would
19:48
Speaker 1: not take them to task, I would not try to
19:52
Speaker 1: get them to see my point of view. And also,
19:57
Speaker 1: and this may or may not be the case, but
20:00
Speaker 1: you know, we need to remember that depending on what
20:02
Speaker 1: research you look at, somewhere between one two three four
20:05
Speaker 1: percent of the population are sociopaths. They don't understand others emotions,
20:14
Speaker 1: or if they do, they do not care. They don't
20:16
Speaker 1: have empathy like most of us do. Ah, they don't
20:22
Speaker 1: mind hurting people if there's an advantage in that. They
20:27
Speaker 1: don't mind ignoring people's needs or emotions. Now, I'm not
20:31
Speaker 1: saying every person who does that to us is a sociopath.
20:35
Speaker 1: That's not every second person. But you know, if you
20:40
Speaker 1: talk to enough people, bump into enough people, have relationships
20:44
Speaker 1: with enough people, work with enough people, you're definitely going
20:47
Speaker 1: to bump into reasonably frequently someone who gives no fucks
20:52
Speaker 1: about anybody but themselves. I don't think I answered your question,
20:57
Speaker 1: but I did talk about it. Thanks, Mitch. Lisa Khne says, Hi, Lisa,
21:05
Speaker 1: Hi Craig, what did you learn about me, what did
21:08
Speaker 1: you learn about you being on the other side of
21:10
Speaker 1: support guidance? Okay, so what I maybe knew these things
21:17
Speaker 1: or I had them reinforced. I don't know that there
21:21
Speaker 1: was any standout revelation or light bulb moment that I went,
21:25
Speaker 1: oh my god, I did not know that, but I
21:28
Speaker 1: kind of I realized that I'm pretty good under pressure.
21:37
Speaker 1: So that sound bragging, bragster, I hope it doesn't. It's
21:41
Speaker 1: just true. I'm not good a lot of other things,
21:43
Speaker 1: as I always say, but I'm pretty good under pressure.
21:46
Speaker 1: I'm pretty good when shit is hard and horrible and
21:49
Speaker 1: falling apart. I'm not a bad person to have on
21:51
Speaker 1: the team. Oh but being on the other side of support,
21:56
Speaker 1: right and guidance, Okay, I realized also, or maybe had
22:01
Speaker 1: underlined or reinforced the fact that I'm not I'm not
22:09
Speaker 1: always great at taking positive feedback or it depends what
22:17
Speaker 1: it looks like, who it is, why they're doing it,
22:19
Speaker 1: data all that. Not great at being helped or letting
22:27
Speaker 1: people help me, or and that's probably a whole podcast
22:31
Speaker 1: on itself on its own. Yeah, that's I don't know.
22:36
Speaker 1: That's probably tied into worthiness or lack of worse self
22:39
Speaker 1: worthiness and self esteem and all of that shit. But yeah,
22:46
Speaker 1: I the guidance bit, I'm not sure. It's like, sometimes
22:51
Speaker 1: people offer advice or guidance that you have not asked for,
22:56
Speaker 1: and while well intended, not always valuable, not always relevant,
23:03
Speaker 1: and not always particularly or can I say this, I
23:10
Speaker 1: guess it's just not that helpful because they don't understand
23:14
Speaker 1: they're looking at it. Sometimes people like my analogy is this.
23:19
Speaker 1: Let's say you go to a cinema and there's a
23:24
Speaker 1: two hour movie on, and you go to the door
23:27
Speaker 1: of the movie theater. You open the door of them theater,
23:31
Speaker 1: and you stand there and you watch thirty seconds of
23:34
Speaker 1: the two hour movie. Then you leave the theater. Then
23:38
Speaker 1: you go and tell people how the movie was, when
23:42
Speaker 1: you don't know actually how the movie was, because the
23:45
Speaker 1: one hour and fifty nine minutes and thirty seconds that
23:49
Speaker 1: you didn't see is being informed by the thirty seconds
23:54
Speaker 1: that you saw, so you don't really know. And while
23:59
Speaker 1: I will will say that virtually everyone's by the way,
24:05
Speaker 1: most of the if the support is like, hey, harps,
24:07
Speaker 1: we love you, hope things have got all that beautiful,
24:10
Speaker 1: loved it, appreciate it. So many nice words, so much
24:13
Speaker 1: nice feedback, all of that gorgeous. Appreciate it, genuinely grateful.
24:19
Speaker 1: But when people are kind of offering specific support or
24:23
Speaker 1: guidance that I didn't ask for, some of it that isn't,
24:32
Speaker 1: in my opinion, particularly helpful or particularly relevant, or they
24:38
Speaker 1: don't understand the one hour and fifty nine and a
24:40
Speaker 1: half minutes of what is actually going on. Their version
24:45
Speaker 1: of what's going on is the thirty second movie theater analogy.
24:51
Speaker 1: And by the way, have I ever done this? Have
24:53
Speaker 1: I tried to help or fucking intervene? Or of course
24:57
Speaker 1: I have. Did I get it wrong? Of course I did.
25:00
Speaker 1: Was my intention good? Of course it was. Did I
25:02
Speaker 1: fuck up? Yes? Did I create a problem? Hopefully not really?
25:06
Speaker 1: And and none of these people have really created a
25:10
Speaker 1: problem at all. But it's just not always what people
25:14
Speaker 1: think is going to be helpful is not always actually
25:17
Speaker 1: helpful to the person on the other side. While I
25:20
Speaker 1: appreciate the love and the care and the intention. Having
25:23
Speaker 1: said that, there were also still are a lot of
25:27
Speaker 1: people who have been super generous, kind, supportive, loving, compassionate, empathetic, aware,
25:35
Speaker 1: who were just brilliant, And I just loved it. I
25:37
Speaker 1: loved it. I valued it. I treat it like a gift,
25:43
Speaker 1: and I'm trying to become better. That's a terrible word,
25:48
Speaker 1: but fucking that's an ignorant word. I should come up
25:51
Speaker 1: with a better one. But I'm a bit tired. But
25:53
Speaker 1: I need to be better at letting people, Ah, I
25:58
Speaker 1: guess love me in the way that they want to
26:00
Speaker 1: love me or share that love or show that love
26:03
Speaker 1: or kindness. Yes, so what do I learn? I think
26:08
Speaker 1: on my work in progress. I do not think I'm
26:10
Speaker 1: very good at that, but I'm trying. Thanks for your
26:15
Speaker 1: hard question, Lisa, Lisa, Karen Griffin. Anything on nervous system
26:20
Speaker 1: regulation and cortisol when your body feels stuck. Yeah, see
26:26
Speaker 1: this is a big Karen, if you don't mind, I'm
26:29
Speaker 1: not going to not talk about it, but I'm going
26:31
Speaker 1: to touch on it because this is a bigger conversation
26:34
Speaker 1: than now. But you know, when our nervous system is
26:42
Speaker 1: in chaos, or we are being aware in a state
26:45
Speaker 1: of hypervigilance or anxiety, or we feel overwhelmed and our
26:52
Speaker 1: sympathetic nervous system is going nuts, you know, the fight
26:55
Speaker 1: or flight when there's not a real reason, right, not
27:00
Speaker 1: a real reason like the problem. If there's a problem
27:04
Speaker 1: is maybe a one out of ten, but my response,
27:07
Speaker 1: my nervous system response, my endocrin system response, hormones and
27:12
Speaker 1: so on, is an eleven. When the problem is a one, Well,
27:15
Speaker 1: there's a disconnect and there's a disproportionate response, and that
27:20
Speaker 1: disproportionate response is not created by the one out of
27:23
Speaker 1: ten problem, but rather my eleven out of ten interpretation
27:29
Speaker 1: of the one out of ten. So how do we
27:33
Speaker 1: manage our mind? Because our mind drives these responses, or
27:37
Speaker 1: our brain more accurately drives these responses. So when we
27:43
Speaker 1: are interpreting something as a potential catastrophe or major threats
27:48
Speaker 1: when in fact it's not going to be, then we
27:53
Speaker 1: have this the tigers coming through the front of my
27:57
Speaker 1: cave response, when in reality it's three butterflies just hovering
28:02
Speaker 1: around the bloody tree outside. And so being able to
28:07
Speaker 1: in the moment regulate or self regulate our physiology. There
28:13
Speaker 1: are no miracle cures, but there are things that actually
28:16
Speaker 1: work which seem boring. So a reasonably quick response for me,
28:25
Speaker 1: some of the times where I feel my nervous system
28:28
Speaker 1: response is disproportionate to the actual problem, where I start
28:33
Speaker 1: to feel short of breath, or I start to feel
28:36
Speaker 1: a little overwhelmed creeping in or I feel anxious, which
28:41
Speaker 1: by the way, is not very often, but it happens.
28:44
Speaker 1: I will just do a form of box breathing, which
28:48
Speaker 1: I've spoken about many times on here, which is say,
28:51
Speaker 1: breathe in for five seconds, hold your breath, breathe out long,
28:56
Speaker 1: or breathe out, you know, kind of with a level
28:58
Speaker 1: of intensity for five seconds. Pause, breathe in for five seconds, pause,
29:04
Speaker 1: breathe out for five seconds, pause, and so on. And
29:07
Speaker 1: what that does is, you know that generally downregulates things
29:14
Speaker 1: that switches us out of sympathetic into parasympathetic nervous system state.
29:20
Speaker 1: It slows down heart rate rate, it slows down respiration,
29:24
Speaker 1: it lowers blood pressure, and it alters what is happening
29:28
Speaker 1: biochemically or in terms of hormones and things in our body.
29:32
Speaker 1: So the cortisol starts to dip and so on. But
29:36
Speaker 1: this is not a one solution fits all kind of thing.
29:42
Speaker 1: But yeah, that I think one of the biggest challenges
29:47
Speaker 1: and I'm avoiding it a bit here as in going
29:50
Speaker 1: into deep Karen, But one of the biggest challenges is
29:54
Speaker 1: managing because those nervous system responses. Those other physiological responses breathing, adrenaline, cortisols,
30:01
Speaker 1: all that they are responses to what you think is
30:05
Speaker 1: happening or what you think might happen. If not, they
30:12
Speaker 1: can be an involuntary response due to something from a
30:17
Speaker 1: trauma in the past. Like we see soldiers who come
30:21
Speaker 1: back who have got PTSD and a car drives past
30:24
Speaker 1: and it backfires and they are on the ground and
30:28
Speaker 1: they are in a state of severe anxiety and overwhelm
30:31
Speaker 1: within one or two seconds. They didn't think that that
30:35
Speaker 1: just happened as a byproduct of an experience which is
30:39
Speaker 1: a deep set past trauma which still lives in the present.
30:45
Speaker 1: And so for those people just to get out of that,
30:48
Speaker 1: there is no quick fix. So it is really big
30:51
Speaker 1: and really complicated. But for just for kind of general
30:55
Speaker 1: I'm a bit nervous, I'm a bit anxious, I'm a
30:57
Speaker 1: bit apprehensive, feeling in that kind of heightened, not comfortable,
31:02
Speaker 1: short of breath state. Things like box breathing can help
31:08
Speaker 1: self regulate, but again it's a big conversation. Kylie Pape
31:16
Speaker 1: says the importance of daily intentions and writing that shit
31:21
Speaker 1: down daily intentions and writing that shit down. Love your journal,
31:27
Speaker 1: Love your journal. I'm wondering if you can recreate with
31:30
Speaker 1: lots of your get Yeah, okay, so I've created a
31:35
Speaker 1: long time ago a journal, a kind of a daily
31:37
Speaker 1: accountability kind of diary. Really, I think, look, different things
31:45
Speaker 1: work for different people, right, I think for a lot
31:48
Speaker 1: of people, not all, but a lot of people, you know,
31:52
Speaker 1: having an early morning or a daily ritual of not
31:56
Speaker 1: only setting your intentions right, which is a little bit
31:59
Speaker 1: woo woo, it's good. But I think, as Kylie says,
32:03
Speaker 1: writing that shit down, I think personally creating an actual
32:09
Speaker 1: to do list for the day is what I like
32:15
Speaker 1: about it is it's now out of my head and
32:18
Speaker 1: my thoughts and my intentions, and it's on this bit
32:20
Speaker 1: of paper. It's now not a psychological or emotional thing.
32:24
Speaker 1: It's a physical thing in my hand or on my
32:27
Speaker 1: pad or on my desk. Right, So the theoretical has
32:31
Speaker 1: become a practical, and I'm either going to cross those
32:35
Speaker 1: things off that list or I'm not. Now that's accountability.
32:39
Speaker 1: Motivation matters, inspiration matters, intentions matter, but getting the shit
32:44
Speaker 1: done is what really matters. Great intentions don't necessarily lead
32:49
Speaker 1: to great behavior, great outcome or great actions or great outcomes.
32:54
Speaker 1: So I think realizing that if you are like me,
32:58
Speaker 1: you are a probably amotional creature. Doesn't mean you're overwhelmed
33:02
Speaker 1: or controlled by emotions, but you're probably an emotional person
33:06
Speaker 1: in that you feel good and bad, and in that
33:07
Speaker 1: you have happiness and sadness, and in that you have
33:12
Speaker 1: greater and less inspiration and motivation. So the writing down,
33:17
Speaker 1: the intentions, the diary, the journal, the to do list,
33:21
Speaker 1: that is all really just different versions of accountability. And
33:25
Speaker 1: so you know, things like that keepers accountable. Habits, hard
33:31
Speaker 1: wired habits keep us accountable. As I'm recording this now,
33:36
Speaker 1: it's a sixteen PM at Sunday night, as I said before,
33:40
Speaker 1: and I know that I still have four thousand steps
33:44
Speaker 1: of my daily ten thousand requirement because I've been doing
33:46
Speaker 1: shit today to do and I know that when I
33:50
Speaker 1: finish this podcast, I'll go outside, I put on my jacket,
33:52
Speaker 1: I'll maybe listen to a podcast, and I will do
33:55
Speaker 1: the four thousand steps. Do I feel like doing the
33:58
Speaker 1: four thousand steps? No? I don't. Am I excited? No,
34:01
Speaker 1: I'm not. But is there any thought in my mind
34:03
Speaker 1: of not doing it? No? Because I have built a
34:06
Speaker 1: daily habit over two two and a half years of
34:09
Speaker 1: ten thousand steps every day. It's not optional. It's not
34:12
Speaker 1: something I do when it's fun, quick, easy, or painless.
34:14
Speaker 1: It's not because I'm excited about doing it. Sometimes i am,
34:21
Speaker 1: but sometimes like tonight, oh, this is just a thing
34:24
Speaker 1: I need to get done because my non negotiables, my habits,
34:28
Speaker 1: are what keep me moving in the direction I want
34:31
Speaker 1: to move and keep me being the person I want
34:34
Speaker 1: to be. If I don't have rules, if I don't
34:36
Speaker 1: have structure, if I don't have accountability, if I don't
34:39
Speaker 1: have process, if I don't have habits which are a
34:43
Speaker 1: reflection of my purpose and my values, then I might
34:48
Speaker 1: not do it. And so the challenge for us is
34:52
Speaker 1: to use whatever we need to use to ensure that
34:58
Speaker 1: when we are not in that state of inspiration or
35:01
Speaker 1: excitement or motivation, or there is no cheer squad, there
35:05
Speaker 1: is no trophy at the end, that we have in
35:09
Speaker 1: place what needs to be in place to ensure the
35:12
Speaker 1: behavior is continuous. Because when we talk about change, when
35:17
Speaker 1: we talk about transformation, when we talk about outcomes, when
35:20
Speaker 1: we talk about goals, the creator of all of those
35:24
Speaker 1: things is the behavior. It's the behavior which is why
35:28
Speaker 1: there are many gifted, talented, genetically blessed people who are
35:34
Speaker 1: chronic underachievers, not because they're not potentially amazing, brilliant, or successful,
35:41
Speaker 1: but because they just don't do the things. They just
35:45
Speaker 1: don't consistently do the things because not all, but some
35:50
Speaker 1: of them are constantly finding reasons I put that word
35:54
Speaker 1: in inverted commas, to not do it. Here's the thing
35:58
Speaker 1: about success, growth and non negotiable behaviors. If you want
36:04
Speaker 1: to find a way to not do it and give
36:08
Speaker 1: yourself a very legitimate sounding reason in inverted commas, you'll
36:12
Speaker 1: find one. And some people have been finding a reason
36:17
Speaker 1: to not start or not continue literally for fucking decades,
36:22
Speaker 1: and they are invariably the people who are not where
36:25
Speaker 1: they want to be. They're not in a state that
36:29
Speaker 1: they want to be in, they're not in a career
36:32
Speaker 1: that they want to be in, and they're not producing
36:35
Speaker 1: the results that they have wanted to produce for a
36:37
Speaker 1: long time. I don't say this to be harsh. I
36:41
Speaker 1: say this because I have seen this thousands of times.
36:46
Speaker 1: As with anything, you can get offended by what I'm saying,
36:50
Speaker 1: you can perhaps take action because of what I'm saying,
36:53
Speaker 1: you can think about it, you can process it, you
36:56
Speaker 1: can agree, you can disagree. It doesn't matter. But what
37:00
Speaker 1: matters is where you are now, where you want to be,
37:04
Speaker 1: how you are now, how you want to be, and
37:07
Speaker 1: what you are prepared to actually really do to create
37:13
Speaker 1: the outcomes you want. All right, that's not all of them,
37:17
Speaker 1: but that's nearly all of them. But wow, it's been
37:19
Speaker 1: a while, so I'm going to pull the pin. Nick McDonald,
37:24
Speaker 1: apologies to you and the few others that I have
37:27
Speaker 1: on my list, but I've been banging on for over
37:31
Speaker 1: an hour and a half or so, so I'm going
37:34
Speaker 1: to pull the pin. Walk those steps, eat some food,
37:39
Speaker 1: and have a little sleep and he sleep, sleep all right. Team,
37:43
Speaker 1: Thanks for love, Thanks for the support. Feel free to
37:49
Speaker 1: provide feedback. Feel free to jump on the tee yp
37:55
Speaker 1: I'm tired. I'm tired, anyway, suck it up, harps to
38:00
Speaker 1: jump on the typ group page on Facebook become involved.
38:04
Speaker 1: I personally would love to see that become more of
38:08
Speaker 1: a chat room in a healthy good way where people
38:14
Speaker 1: are in this space, talking, sharing, encouraging, supporting. A yeah,
38:22
Speaker 1: a healthy version, a healthy online place where nobody's trying
38:26
Speaker 1: to sell shit. Nobody's trying to get any leverage, nobody's
38:30
Speaker 1: trying to win, nobody's arguing. If you disagree, cool, disagree,
38:35
Speaker 1: you don't need to argue. But I am very encouraged
38:40
Speaker 1: by what we see on there, which is a lot
38:41
Speaker 1: of positive stuff, and we could build that, We could
38:44
Speaker 1: grow that and make that a space not where we're
38:47
Speaker 1: just talking about this podcast, but also where we feel
38:53
Speaker 1: we're relatively safe to go in and jump in the
38:55
Speaker 1: group and go, hey, team, I'm struggling with this today.
38:59
Speaker 1: Any thoughts I is any experience, and again you know
39:03
Speaker 1: we're not nobody's prescribing anything. We're just sharing thoughts, ideas
39:08
Speaker 1: and experiences. Alrighty right, I'm off. I'm off. My dad
39:14
Speaker 1: used to say I'm off like a bride's ninety. I
39:17
Speaker 1: don't know if in twenty twenty six you can say that.
39:21
Speaker 1: So I definitely won't say that, But if my dad
39:24
Speaker 1: was around, he might say that.