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What Do You Do When a Parent Seems Fine but Their Decisions Aren't? · Becoming Financially Confident

• 0:37
  Maybe
• 0:37
  you're
• 0:37
  living
• 0:38
  in
• 0:38
  one
• 0:38
  of
• 0:38
  the
• 0:38
  hardest
• 0:39
  kinds
• 0:39
  of
• 0:39
  uncertainty.
• 0:40
  There
• 0:40
  is
• 0:41
  not
• 0:41
  a
• 0:41
  clear
• 0:42
  crisis,
• 0:43
  not
• 0:43
  a
• 0:43
  clear
• 0:43
  diagnosis,
• 0:45
  not
• 0:45
  a
• 0:45
  moment
• 0:46
  where
• 0:46
  everybody
• 0:46
  finally
• 0:47
  agrees
• 0:47
  something
• 0:47
  is
• 0:48
  wrong.
• 0:49
  Just
• 0:49
  this
• 0:49
  long,
• 0:50
  confusing,
• 0:51
  heartbreaking
• 0:52
  gray
• 0:52
  area.
• 0:54
  Your
• 0:54
  parent
• 0:55
  still
• 0:55
  sounds
• 0:55
  normal.
• 0:56
  They
• 0:56
  can
• 0:57
  hold
• 0:57
  a
• 0:57
  normal
• 0:57
  conversation,
• 0:59
  and
• 0:59
  they
• 0:59
  still
• 0:59
  seem
• 1:00
  fine
• 1:00
  to
• 1:00
  people
• 1:00
  who
• 1:01
  only
• 1:01
  see
• 1:01
  them
• 1:01
  for
• 1:02
  a
• 1:02
  few
• 1:02
  minutes.
• 1:03
  And
• 1:03
  yet
• 1:04
  you've
• 1:04
  seen
• 1:04
  things
• 1:05
  changed.
• 1:06
  You've
• 1:06
  seen
• 1:06
  their
• 1:06
  judgment
• 1:07
  change.
• 1:08
  You've
• 1:08
  seen
• 1:08
  their
• 1:09
  reactions
• 1:09
  change,
• 1:11
  a
• 1:11
  trust
• 1:11
  change
• 1:13
  and
• 1:13
  decisions
• 1:14
  change.
• 1:15
  And
• 1:15
  now
• 1:15
  you're
• 1:16
  carrying
• 1:16
  a
• 1:16
  question
• 1:16
  that
• 1:17
  feels
• 1:17
  almost
• 1:17
  impossible.
• 1:19
  How
• 1:19
  do
• 1:20
  you
• 1:20
  protect
• 1:20
  someone
• 1:20
  you
• 1:21
  love
• 1:21
  when
• 1:21
  the
• 1:21
  danger
• 1:22
  isn't
• 1:22
  obvious
• 1:23
  enough
• 1:23
  for
• 1:23
  everyone
• 1:23
  else?
• 1:25
  But
• 1:25
  it's
• 1:25
  already
• 1:25
  obvious
• 1:26
  to
• 1:26
  you?
• 1:27
  That's
• 1:28
  what
• 1:28
  we're
• 1:28
  talking
• 1:28
  about
• 1:28
  on
• 1:28
  today's
• 1:29
  show.
• 1:38
  Hello,
• 1:38
  friend.
• 1:39
  I'm
• 1:39
  Ralph
• 1:40
  Estep
• 1:40
  Jr.
• 1:40
  And
• 1:41
  I
• 1:41
  want
• 1:41
  to
• 1:41
  welcome
• 1:41
  you
• 1:41
  to
• 1:42
  Financially
• 1:42
  Confident
• 1:43
  Christian.
• 1:44
  Today
• 1:44
  we're
• 1:44
  talking
• 1:45
  about
• 1:45
  something
• 1:45
  that
• 1:46
  is
• 1:46
  deeply
• 1:46
  painful,
• 1:47
  especially
• 1:48
  when
• 1:48
  money
• 1:48
  and
• 1:49
  family,
• 1:50
  aging
• 1:50
  and
• 1:51
  fear
• 1:51
  all
• 1:51
  get
• 1:51
  tangled
• 1:52
  together.
• 1:53
  So
• 1:53
  today
• 1:54
  isn't
• 1:54
  just
• 1:54
  about
• 1:54
  finances.
• 1:56
  It's
• 1:56
  about
• 1:56
  loving
• 1:57
  a
• 1:57
  parent.
• 1:58
  It's
• 1:58
  about
• 1:59
  seeing
• 1:59
  troubling
• 1:59
  changes
• 2:00
  and
• 2:00
  not
• 2:01
  knowing
• 2:01
  when
• 2:01
  concern
• 2:02
  becomes
• 2:02
  responsibility.
• 2:04
  And
• 2:05
  if
• 2:05
  right
• 2:05
  now
• 2:05
  you're
• 2:06
  carrying
• 2:06
  that
• 2:06
  kind
• 2:06
  of
• 2:06
  stress,
• 2:08
  I
• 2:08
  want
• 2:08
  you
• 2:08
  to
• 2:08
  know
• 2:08
  you're
• 2:09
  not
• 2:09
  overreacting
• 2:10
  just
• 2:10
  because
• 2:10
  other
• 2:10
  people
• 2:11
  don't
• 2:11
  see
• 2:11
  what
• 2:11
  you
• 2:11
  see.
• 2:13
  Let's
• 2:13
  get
• 2:13
  to
• 2:13
  today's
• 2:14
  listener
• 2:14
  question.
• 2:15
  Listener
• 2:15
  writes
• 2:16
  this
• 2:16
  Ralph
• 2:17
  I
• 2:17
  think
• 2:17
  my
• 2:17
  mom
• 2:18
  may
• 2:18
  have
• 2:18
  early
• 2:19
  stage
• 2:19
  dementia,
• 2:20
  but
• 2:20
  I'm
• 2:21
  stuck
• 2:21
  in
• 2:21
  this
• 2:21
  horrible
• 2:22
  gray
• 2:22
  area
• 2:22
  where
• 2:22
  she
• 2:23
  still
• 2:23
  seems
• 2:23
  mostly
• 2:24
  fine
• 2:24
  to
• 2:24
  everyone
• 2:25
  else.
• 2:26
  She's
• 2:26
  in
• 2:26
  her
• 2:26
  late
• 2:27
  60s.
• 2:27
  She
• 2:28
  lives
• 2:28
  independently,
• 2:29
  carries
• 2:29
  on
• 2:29
  conversations
• 2:30
  normally,
• 2:31
  remembers
• 2:32
  names,
• 2:32
  goes
• 2:32
  to
• 2:33
  dinner
• 2:33
  with
• 2:33
  friends.
• 2:34
  If
• 2:34
  you
• 2:34
  met
• 2:35
  her
• 2:35
  casually,
• 2:35
  you
• 2:35
  probably
• 2:36
  wouldn't
• 2:36
  think
• 2:36
  anything
• 2:37
  was
• 2:37
  wrong.
• 2:38
  But
• 2:38
  over
• 2:38
  the
• 2:38
  last
• 2:39
  year
• 2:39
  or
• 2:39
  two
• 2:39
  years,
• 2:40
  her
• 2:40
  judgment
• 2:41
  and
• 2:41
  decision
• 2:41
  making
• 2:42
  have
• 2:42
  gotten
• 2:42
  increasingly
• 2:43
  bizarre
• 2:44
  and
• 2:44
  impulsive
• 2:44
  in
• 2:45
  ways
• 2:45
  that
• 2:45
  are
• 2:45
  very
• 2:46
  unlike
• 2:46
  her
• 2:46
  old
• 2:47
  self.
• 2:48
  Here's
• 2:48
  the
• 2:48
  biggest
• 2:49
  example.
• 2:50
  She
• 2:50
  recently
• 2:50
  made
• 2:51
  an
• 2:51
  offer
• 2:51
  on
• 2:51
  a
• 2:52
  house
• 2:52
  she
• 2:52
  openly
• 2:52
  admitted
• 2:53
  she
• 2:53
  had
• 2:53
  no
• 2:53
  intention
• 2:54
  of
• 2:54
  buying
• 2:55
  because
• 2:55
  because
• 2:55
  she
• 2:55
  wanted
• 2:56
  to
• 2:56
  prove
• 2:56
  a
• 2:56
  point
• 2:56
  during
• 2:57
  negotiations.
• 2:58
  She
• 2:59
  ended
• 2:59
  up
• 2:59
  losing
• 2:59
  almost
• 3:00
  $30,000
• 3:01
  in
• 3:01
  earnest
• 3:02
  money
• 3:02
  over
• 3:02
  it.
• 3:03
  She
• 3:04
  still
• 3:04
  doesn't
• 3:04
  fully
• 3:04
  grasp
• 3:05
  why
• 3:05
  this
• 3:05
  was
• 3:05
  so
• 3:05
  irrational
• 3:06
  or
• 3:06
  alarming.
• 3:08
  There
• 3:08
  are
• 3:08
  also
• 3:08
  smaller
• 3:09
  things.
• 3:10
  She's
• 3:10
  accused
• 3:10
  my
• 3:11
  sister
• 3:11
  of
• 3:11
  trying
• 3:11
  to
• 3:11
  steal
• 3:12
  from
• 3:12
  her.
• 3:13
  She
• 3:13
  randomly
• 3:13
  accused
• 3:14
  me
• 3:14
  of
• 3:14
  trying
• 3:14
  to
• 3:14
  poison
• 3:15
  her.
• 3:15
  She's
• 3:16
  isolating
• 3:16
  from
• 3:17
  family
• 3:17
  and
• 3:17
  longtime
• 3:18
  friends.
• 3:19
  She
• 3:19
  spends
• 3:19
  tons
• 3:19
  of
• 3:20
  time
• 3:20
  inside
• 3:20
  of
• 3:20
  herself
• 3:21
  and
• 3:21
  blows
• 3:22
  off
• 3:22
  important
• 3:22
  engagements
• 3:23
  minutes
• 3:23
  before
• 3:23
  she's
• 3:24
  supposed
• 3:24
  to
• 3:24
  arrive.
• 3:26
  The
• 3:26
  problem
• 3:26
  is,
• 3:26
  I
• 3:26
  know
• 3:27
  she
• 3:27
  will
• 3:27
  absolutely
• 3:28
  refuse
• 3:28
  any
• 3:28
  suggestion
• 3:29
  of
• 3:29
  cognitive
• 3:30
  testing
• 3:30
  or
• 3:30
  even
• 3:31
  mentioning
• 3:31
  dementia.
• 3:33
  She
• 3:33
  interprets
• 3:33
  it
• 3:34
  as
• 3:34
  an
• 3:34
  attack
• 3:35
  or
• 3:35
  people
• 3:35
  trying
• 3:35
  to
• 3:36
  take
• 3:36
  away
• 3:36
  her
• 3:36
  independence.
• 3:38
  I'm
• 3:38
  terrified
• 3:39
  she's
• 3:39
  going
• 3:39
  to
• 3:39
  slowly
• 3:40
  burn
• 3:40
  through
• 3:40
  retirement
• 3:41
  savings
• 3:41
  or
• 3:42
  make
• 3:42
  some
• 3:42
  catastrophic
• 3:43
  legal
• 3:43
  or
• 3:44
  financial
• 3:44
  mistake
• 3:45
  before
• 3:45
  anything
• 3:46
  is
• 3:46
  bad
• 3:46
  enough
• 3:46
  for
• 3:47
  doctors
• 3:47
  or
• 3:47
  the
• 3:48
  rest
• 3:48
  of
• 3:48
  the
• 3:48
  family
• 3:48
  to
• 3:48
  intervene.
• 3:50
  Ralph,
• 3:50
  how
• 3:50
  do
• 3:51
  you
• 3:51
  get
• 3:51
  someone
• 3:51
  evaluated
• 3:52
  if
• 3:52
  they
• 3:52
  refuse?
• 3:54
  At
• 3:54
  what
• 3:54
  point
• 3:55
  do
• 3:55
  you
• 3:55
  involve
• 3:55
  attorneys
• 3:56
  and
• 3:56
  powers
• 3:57
  of
• 3:57
  attorney?
• 3:57
  Financial
• 3:58
  controls?
• 3:59
  I
• 4:00
  feel
• 4:00
  like
• 4:00
  I'm
• 4:00
  watching
• 4:00
  someone
• 4:01
  slowly
• 4:01
  remove
• 4:02
  the
• 4:02
  guardrails
• 4:02
  from
• 4:02
  their
• 4:03
  own
• 4:03
  life
• 4:04
  while
• 4:04
  everyone
• 4:05
  else
• 4:05
  seems
• 4:06
  to
• 4:06
  think
• 4:06
  she's
• 4:07
  fine.
• 4:08
  Thank
• 4:09
  you
• 4:09
  so
• 4:09
  much
• 4:09
  for
• 4:10
  sending
• 4:10
  that
• 4:10
  in.
• 4:11
  And
• 4:12
  actually
• 4:12
  we're
• 4:12
  going
• 4:13
  through
• 4:13
  that
• 4:13
  right
• 4:13
  now
• 4:13
  with
• 4:14
  my
• 4:14
  mother
• 4:14
  in
• 4:14
  law.
• 4:15
  She's
• 4:15
  actually
• 4:15
  in
• 4:16
  an
• 4:16
  advanced
• 4:16
  nursing
• 4:17
  care
• 4:17
  facility
• 4:17
  because
• 4:18
  she
• 4:18
  has
• 4:18
  advanced
• 4:18
  dementia.
• 4:20
  But
• 4:20
  in
• 4:20
  so
• 4:20
  many
• 4:21
  ways.
• 4:21
  I
• 4:21
  look
• 4:21
  at
• 4:22
  your
• 4:22
  email
• 4:22
  and
• 4:23
  it
• 4:23
  points
• 4:23
  to
• 4:23
  things
• 4:24
  that
• 4:24
  I
• 4:24
  saw
• 4:24
  along
• 4:24
  the
• 4:24
  way.
• 4:25
  And
• 4:25
  even
• 4:25
  in
• 4:26
  my
• 4:26
  practice,
• 4:27
  I've
• 4:27
  had
• 4:28
  to
• 4:28
  make
• 4:28
  that
• 4:28
  uncomfortable
• 4:29
  call
• 4:29
  to
• 4:29
  a
• 4:30
  family
• 4:30
  member
• 4:30
  and
• 4:30
  say,
• 4:31
  hey,
• 4:31
  your
• 4:31
  mom
• 4:31
  came
• 4:31
  in
• 4:31
  to
• 4:32
  get
• 4:32
  her
• 4:32
  taxes
• 4:32
  done
• 4:33
  and
• 4:33
  something
• 4:34
  just
• 4:34
  isn't
• 4:35
  right.
• 4:36
  And
• 4:36
  loving
• 4:37
  someone
• 4:37
  in
• 4:37
  cognitive
• 4:38
  decline
• 4:39
  often
• 4:39
  means
• 4:39
  acting
• 4:40
  earlier
• 4:40
  than
• 4:40
  what
• 4:41
  feels
• 4:41
  comfortable.
• 4:43
  Because
• 4:43
  waiting
• 4:44
  for
• 4:44
  certainty
• 4:44
  can
• 4:45
  become
• 4:45
  very
• 4:45
  expensive
• 4:46
  and.
• 4:47
  And
• 4:47
  very
• 4:47
  dangerous.
• 4:49
  So
• 4:49
  how
• 4:49
  do
• 4:49
  we
• 4:50
  address
• 4:50
  this
• 4:50
  today?
• 4:51
  I
• 4:51
  want
• 4:51
  to
• 4:51
  start
• 4:52
  by
• 4:52
  reaffirming
• 4:53
  something.
• 4:54
  You
• 4:54
  got
• 4:54
  to
• 4:54
  trust
• 4:54
  what
• 4:55
  you're
• 4:55
  seeing
• 4:55
  without
• 4:55
  becoming
• 4:56
  reckless.
• 4:57
  The
• 4:57
  kind
• 4:58
  of
• 4:58
  situation
• 4:58
  you're
• 4:59
  in
• 4:59
  is
• 4:59
  emotionally
• 5:00
  exhausting
• 5:01
  because
• 5:02
  you're
• 5:02
  dealing
• 5:02
  with
• 5:02
  patterns.
• 5:03
  Not
• 5:03
  one
• 5:03
  dramatic
• 5:04
  event.
• 5:04
  It
• 5:04
  wasn't
• 5:05
  like
• 5:05
  you
• 5:05
  said
• 5:05
  to
• 5:05
  me,
• 5:05
  hey,
• 5:06
  my
• 5:06
  mom
• 5:06
  was
• 5:06
  trying
• 5:07
  to
• 5:07
  go
• 5:07
  somewhere
• 5:07
  and
• 5:08
  she
• 5:08
  couldn't
• 5:08
  figure
• 5:08
  it
• 5:09
  out.
• 5:10
  A
• 5:10
  lot
• 5:10
  of
• 5:11
  cognitive
• 5:11
  decline
• 5:12
  starts
• 5:12
  in
• 5:12
  judgment.
• 5:13
  Like
• 5:13
  you've
• 5:13
  mentioned,
• 5:14
  impulse
• 5:15
  control,
• 5:16
  paranoia,
• 5:17
  and
• 5:17
  personality
• 5:18
  changes.
• 5:18
  Not
• 5:18
  just
• 5:19
  memory
• 5:19
  lapses.
• 5:19
  A
• 5:19
  lot
• 5:20
  of
• 5:20
  people
• 5:20
  think,
• 5:20
  well,
• 5:20
  they
• 5:20
  just
• 5:21
  forget
• 5:21
  things.
• 5:21
  That's
• 5:21
  not
• 5:22
  always
• 5:22
  where
• 5:22
  it
• 5:22
  starts.
• 5:23
  Sometimes
• 5:24
  it's
• 5:24
  in
• 5:24
  judgment
• 5:24
  or
• 5:25
  that
• 5:25
  impulse
• 5:25
  control
• 5:26
  or
• 5:26
  paranoia.
• 5:27
  And
• 5:27
  when
• 5:28
  someone
• 5:28
  can
• 5:28
  still
• 5:29
  sound
• 5:29
  normal
• 5:29
  in
• 5:30
  cannibal
• 5:30
  conversation,
• 5:32
  family
• 5:32
  members
• 5:32
  often
• 5:33
  second
• 5:33
  guess
• 5:33
  themselves.
• 5:34
  Wait
• 5:34
  a
• 5:34
  minute.
• 5:34
  I
• 5:34
  don't
• 5:35
  think
• 5:35
  there's
• 5:35
  anything
• 5:35
  wrong
• 5:35
  here.
• 5:37
  That
• 5:37
  house
• 5:38
  offer
• 5:38
  and
• 5:38
  that
• 5:38
  lost
• 5:39
  earnest
• 5:39
  money
• 5:40
  aren't
• 5:40
  just
• 5:40
  quirky
• 5:41
  mistakes.
• 5:42
  That's
• 5:42
  a
• 5:42
  lot
• 5:42
  of
• 5:43
  money
• 5:43
  we're
• 5:43
  talking
• 5:43
  about.
• 5:43
  That's
• 5:44
  a
• 5:44
  serious
• 5:44
  financial
• 5:45
  judgment
• 5:46
  issue.
• 5:47
  But
• 5:47
  the
• 5:47
  problem
• 5:47
  is
• 5:48
  false
• 5:48
  accusations,
• 5:50
  growing
• 5:50
  isolation,
• 5:51
  impulsive
• 5:52
  decisions
• 5:52
  together
• 5:53
  create
• 5:53
  a
• 5:54
  pattern
• 5:54
  that
• 5:54
  deserves
• 5:55
  your
• 5:55
  attention.
• 5:55
  That's
• 5:56
  why
• 5:56
  I'm
• 5:56
  so
• 5:56
  happy
• 5:56
  that
• 5:56
  you
• 5:57
  wrote
• 5:57
  in
• 5:57
  today.
• 5:58
  This
• 5:58
  isn't
• 5:58
  a
• 5:59
  time
• 5:59
  to
• 5:59
  panic.
• 6:00
  But
• 6:00
  you
• 6:00
  also
• 6:00
  shouldn't
• 6:01
  dismiss
• 6:01
  what
• 6:01
  you've
• 6:02
  observed
• 6:02
  just
• 6:03
  because
• 6:03
  others
• 6:03
  haven't
• 6:04
  seen
• 6:04
  it
• 6:04
  yet.
• 6:05
  When
• 6:06
  judgment
• 6:06
  changes
• 6:07
  before
• 6:07
  memory
• 6:07
  becomes
• 6:08
  obviously
• 6:08
  impaired,
• 6:09
  family
• 6:09
  members
• 6:10
  often
• 6:10
  miss
• 6:10
  the
• 6:11
  danger
• 6:11
  until
• 6:11
  the
• 6:12
  damage
• 6:12
  is
• 6:12
  already
• 6:13
  done.
• 6:13
  And
• 6:14
  unfortunately,
• 6:14
  I've
• 6:14
  had
• 6:15
  to
• 6:15
  intervene
• 6:15
  in
• 6:15
  a
• 6:16
  lot
• 6:16
  of
• 6:16
  those
• 6:16
  situations.
• 6:17
  So
• 6:17
  here's
• 6:18
  the
• 6:18
  next
• 6:18
  thing
• 6:18
  I
• 6:18
  want
• 6:18
  to
• 6:18
  encourage
• 6:19
  you,
• 6:19
  stop
• 6:20
  arguing
• 6:20
  about
• 6:20
  labels
• 6:21
  and
• 6:21
  start
• 6:22
  documenting
• 6:22
  behavior.
• 6:24
  Here's
• 6:24
  the
• 6:24
  thing,
• 6:25
  you've
• 6:25
  already
• 6:25
  kind
• 6:25
  of
• 6:25
  mentioned
• 6:26
  it.
• 6:26
  If
• 6:26
  you
• 6:26
  lead
• 6:27
  with
• 6:27
  dementia,
• 6:28
  you're
• 6:28
  probably
• 6:29
  going
• 6:29
  to
• 6:29
  get
• 6:29
  resistance.
• 6:30
  You've
• 6:30
  already
• 6:30
  said
• 6:31
  your
• 6:31
  mother's
• 6:31
  resisting
• 6:32
  that.
• 6:32
  You're
• 6:32
  going
• 6:32
  to
• 6:32
  get
• 6:32
  defensiveness
• 6:34
  or
• 6:34
  you
• 6:34
  make
• 6:34
  it
• 6:34
  outright
• 6:35
  hostility.
• 6:35
  Like
• 6:35
  I
• 6:36
  hear
• 6:36
  your
• 6:36
  mom
• 6:36
  saying,
• 6:37
  you're
• 6:37
  not
• 6:37
  taking
• 6:37
  away
• 6:37
  my
• 6:38
  independence.
• 6:38
  I
• 6:39
  get
• 6:39
  that
• 6:39
  as
• 6:40
  an
• 6:40
  independent
• 6:40
  adult,
• 6:41
  I
• 6:41
  don't
• 6:41
  want
• 6:41
  somebody
• 6:42
  to
• 6:42
  take
• 6:42
  away
• 6:42
  my
• 6:43
  independence
• 6:43
  either.
• 6:44
  So
• 6:45
  we've
• 6:45
  got
• 6:45
  to
• 6:45
  have
• 6:45
  a
• 6:46
  shift.
• 6:46
  We've
• 6:46
  got
• 6:47
  to
• 6:47
  shift
• 6:47
  to
• 6:47
  something
• 6:47
  a
• 6:48
  little
• 6:48
  bit
• 6:48
  differently
• 6:48
  here.
• 6:49
  We
• 6:49
  got
• 6:49
  to
• 6:49
  shift
• 6:50
  to
• 6:51
  diagnosis
• 6:52
  language.
• 6:53
  And
• 6:53
  what
• 6:53
  I
• 6:53
  mean
• 6:53
  by
• 6:53
  that
• 6:54
  is
• 6:54
  concrete
• 6:55
  examples
• 6:56
  of
• 6:56
  these
• 6:56
  things.
• 6:57
  Examples
• 6:57
  of
• 6:58
  safety
• 6:58
  concerns,
• 6:59
  examples
• 7:00
  of
• 7:00
  financial
• 7:01
  issues,
• 7:02
  examples
• 7:02
  of
• 7:03
  medical
• 7:03
  concerns.
• 7:05
  The
• 7:05
  best
• 7:05
  way
• 7:05
  to
• 7:05
  handle
• 7:05
  that
• 7:06
  is
• 7:06
  write
• 7:06
  a
• 7:06
  written
• 7:07
  log,
• 7:07
  put
• 7:08
  on
• 7:08
  there
• 7:08
  a
• 7:08
  log
• 7:08
  with
• 7:08
  the
• 7:09
  date,
• 7:09
  the
• 7:09
  incident,
• 7:10
  what
• 7:10
  the
• 7:11
  financial
• 7:11
  loss
• 7:12
  was,
• 7:12
  any
• 7:13
  missed
• 7:13
  appointments,
• 7:14
  those
• 7:14
  accusations,
• 7:16
  any
• 7:16
  confusion,
• 7:17
  and
• 7:18
  any
• 7:18
  unusual
• 7:19
  decisions
• 7:20
  as
• 7:20
  part
• 7:21
  of
• 7:21
  that.
• 7:21
  Save
• 7:22
  emails,
• 7:23
  save
• 7:23
  text
• 7:23
  messages,
• 7:24
  voicemails,
• 7:25
  any
• 7:25
  financial
• 7:26
  records,
• 7:26
  when
• 7:26
  appropriate
• 7:27
  and
• 7:27
  lawful,
• 7:27
  like
• 7:27
  in
• 7:27
  your
• 7:28
  case,
• 7:29
  that
• 7:29
  loss
• 7:29
  of
• 7:30
  money
• 7:30
  from
• 7:30
  that
• 7:30
  earnest
• 7:31
  money
• 7:31
  is
• 7:31
  a
• 7:31
  big
• 7:31
  one.
• 7:33
  If
• 7:33
  you've
• 7:33
  got
• 7:33
  siblings
• 7:34
  or
• 7:34
  trusted
• 7:34
  relatives
• 7:35
  that
• 7:35
  have
• 7:35
  seen
• 7:35
  concerning
• 7:36
  behavior,
• 7:36
  ask
• 7:37
  them
• 7:37
  to
• 7:37
  document
• 7:38
  those
• 7:38
  same
• 7:38
  things
• 7:38
  as
• 7:39
  well.
• 7:39
  You
• 7:40
  also
• 7:40
  might
• 7:40
  want
• 7:40
  to
• 7:40
  reach
• 7:40
  out
• 7:41
  to
• 7:41
  doctors,
• 7:41
  attorneys,
• 7:42
  and
• 7:42
  eventually
• 7:43
  courts
• 7:44
  because
• 7:44
  they
• 7:44
  can
• 7:44
  help
• 7:44
  you
• 7:45
  respond
• 7:45
  better
• 7:45
  to
• 7:46
  patterns
• 7:46
  of
• 7:46
  facts
• 7:47
  than
• 7:47
  general
• 7:47
  statements.
• 7:48
  But
• 7:48
  here's
• 7:48
  the
• 7:48
  thing
• 7:48
  you
• 7:49
  gotta
• 7:49
  remember,
• 7:49
  you
• 7:50
  got
• 7:50
  to
• 7:50
  get
• 7:50
  professional
• 7:51
  eyes
• 7:51
  involved
• 7:52
  in
• 7:52
  wise,
• 7:53
  realistic
• 7:53
  ways.
• 7:54
  You've
• 7:54
  already
• 7:55
  said
• 7:55
  your
• 7:55
  mom
• 7:56
  refuses
• 7:56
  cognitive
• 7:57
  testing.
• 7:58
  You
• 7:58
  might
• 7:58
  still
• 7:58
  be
• 7:58
  able
• 7:58
  to
• 7:59
  communicate
• 7:59
  concerns
• 8:00
  to
• 8:00
  her
• 8:00
  primary
• 8:00
  care
• 8:01
  doctor
• 8:01
  privately.
• 8:02
  You
• 8:02
  might
• 8:02
  be
• 8:03
  able
• 8:03
  to
• 8:03
  call
• 8:03
  and
• 8:03
  say,
• 8:03
  hey,
• 8:03
  listen,
• 8:04
  I
• 8:04
  know
• 8:04
  you
• 8:04
  can't
• 8:04
  talk
• 8:05
  about
• 8:05
  this
• 8:05
  situation.
• 8:06
  They're
• 8:06
  not
• 8:06
  going
• 8:06
  to
• 8:06
  freely
• 8:07
  discuss
• 8:07
  her
• 8:07
  care
• 8:07
  with
• 8:08
  you.
• 8:08
  But
• 8:08
  you
• 8:09
  might
• 8:09
  be
• 8:09
  able
• 8:09
  to
• 8:09
  send
• 8:09
  some
• 8:10
  information
• 8:10
  in.
• 8:11
  Send
• 8:11
  in
• 8:11
  that
• 8:11
  log
• 8:12
  we
• 8:12
  talked
• 8:12
  about.
• 8:12
  Send
• 8:13
  in
• 8:13
  those
• 8:13
  emails.
• 8:14
  Write
• 8:14
  a
• 8:14
  concise,
• 8:15
  factual
• 8:15
  letter
• 8:16
  before
• 8:16
  your
• 8:16
  mom's
• 8:17
  next
• 8:17
  appointment
• 8:17
  describing
• 8:18
  the
• 8:18
  changes
• 8:19
  you've
• 8:19
  observed.
• 8:19
  Because
• 8:20
  maybe
• 8:20
  the
• 8:20
  doctor
• 8:20
  could
• 8:21
  then
• 8:21
  have
• 8:21
  a
• 8:21
  conversation
• 8:22
  with
• 8:22
  her.
• 8:23
  But
• 8:23
  as
• 8:24
  you're
• 8:24
  doing
• 8:24
  that,
• 8:24
  be
• 8:25
  very
• 8:25
  cautious.
• 8:26
  Focus
• 8:26
  on
• 8:27
  behaviors,
• 8:28
  not
• 8:28
  conclusions.
• 8:29
  Say
• 8:30
  things
• 8:30
  like
• 8:30
  this.
• 8:30
  She
• 8:31
  lost
• 8:31
  $30,000
• 8:32
  in
• 8:32
  earnest
• 8:33
  money
• 8:33
  after
• 8:33
  making
• 8:34
  an
• 8:34
  offer
• 8:34
  she
• 8:35
  never
• 8:35
  intended
• 8:35
  to
• 8:36
  honor.
• 8:36
  Not
• 8:37
  just,
• 8:37
  hey,
• 8:37
  I
• 8:37
  think
• 8:37
  my
• 8:38
  mom
• 8:38
  has
• 8:38
  dementia,
• 8:39
  the
• 8:39
  doctor's
• 8:39
  not
• 8:39
  going
• 8:40
  to
• 8:40
  work
• 8:40
  with
• 8:40
  that.
• 8:41
  Now,
• 8:41
  if
• 8:41
  there's
• 8:42
  an
• 8:42
  immediate
• 8:42
  safety
• 8:43
  issue,
• 8:44
  if
• 8:44
  there's
• 8:44
  financial
• 8:45
  exploitation,
• 8:46
  if
• 8:46
  she's
• 8:47
  neglecting
• 8:47
  herself,
• 8:48
  if
• 8:48
  she's
• 8:48
  thinking
• 8:49
  delusional,
• 8:50
  that
• 8:50
  could
• 8:50
  put
• 8:51
  her
• 8:51
  or
• 8:51
  others
• 8:51
  at
• 8:52
  risk,
• 8:52
  you
• 8:52
  might
• 8:52
  need
• 8:53
  to
• 8:53
  contact
• 8:53
  adult
• 8:54
  protective
• 8:54
  services
• 8:55
  right
• 8:55
  now
• 8:55
  or
• 8:55
  local
• 8:56
  aging
• 8:56
  agency
• 8:57
  or
• 8:57
  even
• 8:58
  emergency
• 8:58
  services,
• 8:59
  depending
• 8:59
  upon
• 8:59
  the
• 8:59
  severity.
• 9:00
  You
• 9:00
  might
• 9:01
  come
• 9:01
  upon
• 9:01
  your
• 9:01
  mom
• 9:02
  and
• 9:02
  she
• 9:02
  is
• 9:02
  completely
• 9:03
  out
• 9:03
  of
• 9:03
  it.
• 9:04
  It's
• 9:04
  not
• 9:04
  outside
• 9:05
  the
• 9:05
  Realm
• 9:05
  to
• 9:05
  call
• 9:06
  911
• 9:06
  at
• 9:06
  that
• 9:07
  point
• 9:07
  she
• 9:07
  could
• 9:07
  be
• 9:07
  having
• 9:08
  a
• 9:08
  medical
• 9:08
  issue
• 9:09
  like
• 9:09
  a
• 9:09
  stroke
• 9:09
  or
• 9:09
  something
• 9:10
  like
• 9:10
  that.
• 9:11
  So
• 9:11
  don't
• 9:11
  lose
• 9:11
  sight
• 9:12
  of
• 9:12
  that.
• 9:12
  It's
• 9:13
  also
• 9:13
  a
• 9:13
  great
• 9:14
  time
• 9:14
  to
• 9:14
  consult
• 9:14
  an
• 9:15
  elder
• 9:15
  law
• 9:15
  attorney
• 9:16
  in
• 9:16
  your
• 9:16
  state,
• 9:17
  even
• 9:17
  if
• 9:17
  you
• 9:17
  don't
• 9:18
  have
• 9:18
  to
• 9:18
  take
• 9:18
  any
• 9:18
  action,
• 9:19
  legal
• 9:20
  action
• 9:20
  right
• 9:20
  now
• 9:20
  to
• 9:21
  go
• 9:21
  have
• 9:21
  that
• 9:21
  meeting
• 9:22
  with
• 9:22
  them.
• 9:23
  Because
• 9:23
  when
• 9:23
  a
• 9:23
  person
• 9:24
  won't
• 9:24
  voluntary
• 9:25
  step
• 9:25
  towards
• 9:25
  help,
• 9:26
  your
• 9:26
  next
• 9:26
  step
• 9:27
  is
• 9:27
  often
• 9:27
  quiet
• 9:28
  preparation
• 9:28
  behind
• 9:29
  until
• 9:29
  you
• 9:30
  get
• 9:30
  a
• 9:30
  louder
• 9:30
  confrontation.
• 9:32
  Which
• 9:32
  means
• 9:32
  you've
• 9:33
  got
• 9:33
  to
• 9:33
  understand
• 9:33
  the
• 9:34
  legal
• 9:34
  and
• 9:34
  the
• 9:34
  financial
• 9:35
  tools
• 9:35
  before
• 9:35
  you
• 9:36
  need
• 9:36
  them.
• 9:36
  This
• 9:37
  is
• 9:37
  where
• 9:37
  a
• 9:37
  lot
• 9:37
  of
• 9:38
  families
• 9:38
  wait
• 9:38
  too
• 9:38
  long.
• 9:39
  I've
• 9:39
  seen
• 9:39
  this
• 9:40
  so
• 9:40
  many
• 9:40
  times.
• 9:41
  Let's
• 9:41
  talk
• 9:42
  about
• 9:42
  a
• 9:42
  couple
• 9:42
  things.
• 9:43
  A
• 9:43
  financial
• 9:43
  power
• 9:44
  of
• 9:44
  attorney
• 9:44
  only
• 9:45
  works
• 9:45
  if
• 9:45
  your
• 9:46
  mom
• 9:46
  still
• 9:46
  has
• 9:46
  legal
• 9:47
  capacity
• 9:47
  and
• 9:48
  is
• 9:48
  willing
• 9:48
  to
• 9:48
  sign
• 9:49
  it.
• 9:49
  A
• 9:49
  lot
• 9:49
  of
• 9:49
  people
• 9:49
  say,
• 9:49
  well
• 9:50
  let
• 9:50
  me
• 9:50
  get
• 9:50
  this
• 9:50
  power
• 9:50
  of
• 9:50
  attorney
• 9:51
  so
• 9:51
  mom
• 9:51
  can
• 9:52
  sign
• 9:52
  this.
• 9:52
  Well,
• 9:52
  guess
• 9:52
  what,
• 9:53
  if
• 9:53
  she
• 9:53
  doesn't
• 9:54
  have
• 9:54
  the
• 9:54
  capacity
• 9:54
  to
• 9:55
  understand
• 9:55
  what
• 9:55
  she's
• 9:56
  signing,
• 9:56
  that's
• 9:57
  going
• 9:57
  to
• 9:57
  be
• 9:57
  of
• 9:57
  no
• 9:57
  value.
• 9:58
  Once
• 9:59
  that
• 9:59
  capacity
• 10:00
  is
• 10:00
  compromised
• 10:01
  and
• 10:01
  she
• 10:01
  refuses
• 10:02
  cooperation,
• 10:03
  the
• 10:03
  only
• 10:03
  choice
• 10:04
  you
• 10:04
  may
• 10:04
  have
• 10:05
  at
• 10:05
  that
• 10:05
  point
• 10:06
  is
• 10:06
  looking
• 10:06
  at
• 10:06
  guardianship
• 10:07
  or
• 10:08
  what
• 10:08
  they
• 10:08
  call
• 10:08
  conservatorship
• 10:09
  and,
• 10:09
  and
• 10:09
  that
• 10:10
  depends
• 10:10
  on
• 10:10
  your
• 10:10
  state
• 10:10
  law.
• 10:11
  And
• 10:11
  that
• 10:11
  process
• 10:12
  can
• 10:12
  be
• 10:12
  expensive,
• 10:13
  it
• 10:14
  can
• 10:14
  be
• 10:14
  emotionally
• 10:14
  painful
• 10:15
  and
• 10:16
  it's
• 10:16
  super
• 10:16
  time
• 10:17
  consuming.
• 10:17
  That's
• 10:18
  why
• 10:18
  early
• 10:18
  legal
• 10:18
  advice
• 10:19
  matters.
• 10:20
  So
• 10:20
  I
• 10:20
  would
• 10:20
  encourage
• 10:21
  you
• 10:21
  meet
• 10:21
  with
• 10:21
  that
• 10:21
  elder
• 10:22
  law
• 10:22
  attorney
• 10:23
  now.
• 10:23
  Learn
• 10:24
  what
• 10:24
  those
• 10:24
  options
• 10:25
  are,
• 10:25
  where
• 10:25
  you
• 10:25
  live,
• 10:25
  because
• 10:26
  every
• 10:26
  state's
• 10:26
  different.
• 10:27
  Learn
• 10:27
  what
• 10:27
  documentation
• 10:28
  you
• 10:28
  need
• 10:29
  to
• 10:29
  keep
• 10:29
  and
• 10:29
  what
• 10:30
  thresholds
• 10:30
  actually
• 10:31
  trigger
• 10:31
  actions.
• 10:32
  If
• 10:33
  she's
• 10:33
  got
• 10:33
  current
• 10:33
  accounts
• 10:34
  or
• 10:34
  real
• 10:35
  estate
• 10:35
  transactions
• 10:36
  or
• 10:36
  large
• 10:36
  summit
• 10:37
  risk.
• 10:37
  Ask
• 10:38
  about
• 10:38
  what
• 10:39
  protective
• 10:39
  steps
• 10:40
  you
• 10:40
  can
• 10:40
  make
• 10:40
  available
• 10:41
  right
• 10:41
  now
• 10:42
  without
• 10:42
  overstepping
• 10:43
  the
• 10:43
  law.
• 10:43
  You
• 10:44
  might
• 10:44
  want
• 10:44
  to
• 10:44
  discuss
• 10:44
  things
• 10:45
  like
• 10:45
  account
• 10:45
  monitoring,
• 10:46
  maybe
• 10:47
  credit
• 10:47
  freezes.
• 10:48
  Look
• 10:48
  at
• 10:48
  her
• 10:49
  beneficiaries
• 10:49
  on
• 10:50
  her
• 10:50
  accounts,
• 10:51
  trusted
• 10:51
  contact
• 10:52
  forms
• 10:52
  at
• 10:52
  financial
• 10:53
  institutions
• 10:54
  and
• 10:54
  how
• 10:54
  to
• 10:55
  respond
• 10:55
  if
• 10:55
  exploitation
• 10:56
  becomes
• 10:56
  a
• 10:56
  concern.
• 10:57
  Unfortunately,
• 10:58
  I've
• 10:59
  seen
• 10:59
  this
• 10:59
  so
• 10:59
  many
• 11:00
  times.
• 11:01
  Someone
• 11:01
  will
• 11:01
  get
• 11:02
  in
• 11:02
  this
• 11:02
  state.
• 11:02
  Like
• 11:03
  I
• 11:03
  had
• 11:03
  one
• 11:03
  client,
• 11:03
  I'll
• 11:03
  never
• 11:03
  forget
• 11:04
  it,
• 11:04
  she
• 11:04
  got
• 11:04
  in
• 11:04
  this
• 11:05
  state
• 11:05
  and
• 11:05
  every
• 11:06
  person
• 11:06
  that
• 11:06
  had
• 11:06
  charitable
• 11:07
  contribution
• 11:08
  organizations
• 11:08
  was
• 11:09
  sending
• 11:09
  her
• 11:09
  emails
• 11:10
  and
• 11:10
  this
• 11:10
  lady
• 11:10
  was
• 11:10
  writing
• 11:10
  checks
• 11:11
  after
• 11:11
  checks.
• 11:12
  She
• 11:12
  was
• 11:12
  spending
• 11:13
  money
• 11:13
  like
• 11:13
  it
• 11:13
  was
• 11:13
  crazy
• 11:14
  because
• 11:15
  people
• 11:15
  were
• 11:15
  exploiting
• 11:16
  her.
• 11:17
  But
• 11:17
  the
• 11:17
  best
• 11:17
  time
• 11:18
  to
• 11:18
  learn
• 11:18
  the
• 11:18
  legal
• 11:19
  guardrails
• 11:19
  is
• 11:19
  before
• 11:20
  the
• 11:20
  next
• 11:20
  financial
• 11:21
  fire
• 11:21
  starts.
• 11:22
  It's
• 11:22
  not
• 11:22
  a
• 11:22
  good
• 11:22
  time
• 11:23
  to
• 11:23
  put
• 11:23
  out
• 11:23
  the
• 11:23
  fire.
• 11:24
  You
• 11:24
  got
• 11:24
  to
• 11:24
  figure
• 11:24
  out
• 11:24
  how
• 11:25
  do
• 11:25
  you
• 11:25
  protect
• 11:25
  that.
• 11:26
  And
• 11:26
  part
• 11:27
  of
• 11:27
  this
• 11:27
  is
• 11:27
  also
• 11:28
  how
• 11:28
  to
• 11:28
  protect
• 11:29
  your
• 11:29
  heart
• 11:29
  while
• 11:30
  you
• 11:30
  protect
• 11:30
  what
• 11:30
  you
• 11:31
  can
• 11:31
  still
• 11:31
  be
• 11:31
  protective
• 11:32
  for
• 11:32
  your
• 11:32
  mom.
• 11:33
  And
• 11:34
  this
• 11:34
  part
• 11:34
  hurts
• 11:35
  because
• 11:35
  the
• 11:36
  person
• 11:36
  you
• 11:36
  love
• 11:36
  may
• 11:36
  still
• 11:37
  look
• 11:37
  like
• 11:37
  themselves
• 11:38
  on
• 11:38
  the
• 11:38
  outside,
• 11:39
  but
• 11:40
  they're
• 11:40
  becoming
• 11:40
  less
• 11:40
  like
• 11:41
  themselves
• 11:41
  in
• 11:41
  crucial
• 11:42
  ways.
• 11:43
  And
• 11:43
  be
• 11:43
  prepared.
• 11:44
  You
• 11:44
  might
• 11:44
  get
• 11:44
  accused
• 11:44
  of
• 11:45
  things,
• 11:45
  you
• 11:45
  might
• 11:45
  get
• 11:46
  misunderstood,
• 11:47
  you
• 11:47
  might
• 11:47
  get
• 11:47
  shut
• 11:48
  out.
• 11:48
  And
• 11:48
  all
• 11:49
  you're
• 11:49
  doing
• 11:49
  is
• 11:49
  trying
• 11:49
  to
• 11:50
  help.
• 11:50
  And
• 11:51
  that
• 11:51
  doesn't
• 11:51
  mean
• 11:51
  you're
• 11:52
  wrong.
• 11:53
  Sometimes
• 11:54
  loving
• 11:54
  well
• 11:54
  in
• 11:55
  a
• 11:55
  crisis
• 11:55
  means
• 11:55
  being
• 11:56
  willing
• 11:56
  to
• 11:56
  be
• 11:56
  misread.
• 11:58
  If
• 11:58
  you
• 11:58
  have
• 11:58
  to,
• 11:58
  bring
• 11:59
  in
• 11:59
  one
• 11:59
  or
• 11:59
  two
• 11:59
  calm,
• 12:00
  credible
• 12:00
  people,
• 12:01
  and
• 12:01
  especially
• 12:02
  relatives,
• 12:03
  maybe
• 12:03
  your
• 12:03
  pastor
• 12:04
  that
• 12:04
  she
• 12:04
  trusts,
• 12:04
  a
• 12:05
  physician
• 12:05
  or
• 12:06
  a
• 12:06
  longtime
• 12:06
  friend
• 12:07
  she
• 12:07
  still
• 12:07
  respects,
• 12:07
  and
• 12:07
  say,
• 12:08
  hey,
• 12:08
  mom,
• 12:08
  let's
• 12:08
  have
• 12:08
  a
• 12:08
  conversation.
• 12:10
  But
• 12:10
  keep
• 12:10
  your
• 12:10
  language
• 12:11
  steady.
• 12:12
  Focus
• 12:12
  on
• 12:13
  the
• 12:13
  important
• 12:13
  things,
• 12:14
  her
• 12:14
  safety,
• 12:15
  her
• 12:15
  support,
• 12:16
  and
• 12:17
  wise
• 12:17
  planning,
• 12:17
  because
• 12:18
  you
• 12:18
  already
• 12:18
  know
• 12:18
  if
• 12:19
  you're
• 12:19
  trying
• 12:19
  to
• 12:19
  take
• 12:19
  away
• 12:20
  her
• 12:20
  independence,
• 12:21
  if
• 12:21
  you're
• 12:21
  trying
• 12:21
  to
• 12:21
  take
• 12:22
  away
• 12:22
  her
• 12:22
  control,
• 12:22
  she's
• 12:23
  going
• 12:23
  to
• 12:23
  battle
• 12:24
  that.
• 12:25
  But
• 12:25
  at
• 12:25
  the
• 12:25
  same
• 12:25
  time,
• 12:26
  here's
• 12:26
  another
• 12:26
  thing
• 12:26
  you
• 12:26
  want
• 12:26
  to
• 12:26
  consider.
• 12:28
  Caregiver
• 12:28
  stress.
• 12:29
  A
• 12:30
  lot
• 12:30
  of
• 12:30
  people
• 12:30
  don't
• 12:30
  think
• 12:30
  about
• 12:31
  this.
• 12:31
  You've
• 12:32
  got
• 12:32
  to
• 12:32
  get
• 12:32
  support
• 12:32
  for
• 12:32
  yourself
• 12:33
  as
• 12:33
  well,
• 12:34
  because
• 12:34
  that
• 12:35
  stress
• 12:35
  can
• 12:35
  start
• 12:35
  long
• 12:36
  before
• 12:36
  someone
• 12:36
  officially
• 12:37
  becomes
• 12:37
  a
• 12:38
  caregiver.
• 12:39
  I
• 12:39
  hear
• 12:39
  it
• 12:39
  in
• 12:39
  the
• 12:40
  tone
• 12:40
  of
• 12:40
  your
• 12:40
  voice
• 12:40
  today.
• 12:41
  And
• 12:42
  you're
• 12:42
  not
• 12:42
  betraying
• 12:42
  your
• 12:43
  parent
• 12:43
  by
• 12:43
  taking
• 12:43
  danger
• 12:44
  seriously.
• 12:44
  You're
• 12:45
  actually
• 12:45
  honoring
• 12:46
  them
• 12:46
  by
• 12:47
  refusing
• 12:47
  to
• 12:47
  ignore
• 12:48
  it.
• 12:49
  So
• 12:49
  if
• 12:49
  I
• 12:49
  was
• 12:49
  walking
• 12:50
  through
• 12:50
  this
• 12:50
  right
• 12:50
  now,
• 12:50
  personally,
• 12:52
  I
• 12:52
  tell
• 12:53
  you
• 12:53
  not
• 12:53
  to
• 12:53
  wait
• 12:53
  for
• 12:54
  one
• 12:54
  dramatic
• 12:54
  collapse
• 12:55
  before
• 12:55
  you
• 12:55
  prepare.
• 12:55
  Start
• 12:56
  gathering
• 12:56
  those
• 12:56
  facts.
• 12:58
  Talk
• 12:58
  to
• 12:58
  the
• 12:58
  professionals.
• 12:59
  Start
• 12:59
  learning
• 13:00
  that
• 13:00
  legal
• 13:00
  path
• 13:00
  in
• 13:01
  your
• 13:01
  state,
• 13:02
  and
• 13:02
  start
• 13:02
  separating
• 13:03
  what
• 13:03
  feels
• 13:03
  awkward
• 13:04
  from
• 13:04
  what
• 13:04
  is
• 13:04
  actually
• 13:05
  wise.
• 13:06
  Your
• 13:07
  peace
• 13:07
  isn't
• 13:07
  going
• 13:07
  to
• 13:08
  come
• 13:08
  from
• 13:08
  pretending
• 13:08
  this
• 13:09
  isn't
• 13:09
  happening.
• 13:10
  Peace
• 13:10
  is
• 13:11
  going
• 13:11
  to
• 13:11
  come
• 13:11
  from
• 13:11
  facing
• 13:12
  it
• 13:12
  soberly
• 13:13
  and
• 13:13
  faithfully.
• 13:15
  But
• 13:15
  I
• 13:15
  want
• 13:15
  to
• 13:15
  take
• 13:15
  this
• 13:15
  a
• 13:16
  little
• 13:16
  deeper.
• 13:17
  One
• 13:17
  of
• 13:17
  the
• 13:17
  hardest
• 13:18
  parts
• 13:18
  of
• 13:18
  this
• 13:18
  situation
• 13:19
  like
• 13:19
  this
• 13:20
  is
• 13:20
  that
• 13:20
  grief
• 13:21
  often
• 13:21
  shows
• 13:22
  up
• 13:22
  before
• 13:22
  a
• 13:22
  loss
• 13:22
  becomes
• 13:23
  official.
• 13:24
  And
• 13:24
  that's
• 13:24
  what
• 13:25
  you're
• 13:25
  really
• 13:25
  doing
• 13:25
  right
• 13:25
  now.
• 13:26
  You're
• 13:27
  grieving
• 13:27
  that
• 13:27
  relationship
• 13:28
  you
• 13:28
  had
• 13:28
  with
• 13:29
  your
• 13:29
  mother.
• 13:30
  You're
• 13:31
  grieving
• 13:31
  those
• 13:31
  changes
• 13:32
  that
• 13:32
  other
• 13:32
  people
• 13:32
  may
• 13:33
  not
• 13:33
  even
• 13:33
  recognize
• 13:34
  yet.
• 13:35
  You're
• 13:35
  grieving
• 13:35
  that
• 13:36
  trust.
• 13:37
  You're
• 13:37
  grieving
• 13:38
  peace.
• 13:39
  You're
• 13:39
  grieving
• 13:39
  that
• 13:40
  version
• 13:40
  of
• 13:40
  your
• 13:40
  parent
• 13:41
  that
• 13:41
  felt
• 13:41
  predictable
• 13:42
  and
• 13:42
  steady.
• 13:42
  Hey,
• 13:43
  as
• 13:43
  a
• 13:43
  kid,
• 13:44
  we
• 13:44
  look
• 13:44
  up
• 13:45
  to
• 13:45
  mom
• 13:45
  and
• 13:45
  dad.
• 13:46
  They
• 13:46
  were
• 13:46
  the
• 13:46
  rocks.
• 13:47
  They
• 13:47
  were
• 13:47
  the
• 13:47
  people
• 13:47
  that
• 13:47
  were
• 13:48
  predictable
• 13:48
  and
• 13:48
  steady.
• 13:49
  And
• 13:49
  then
• 13:50
  add
• 13:50
  money
• 13:50
  to
• 13:50
  it.
• 13:51
  And
• 13:51
  the
• 13:51
  grief
• 13:52
  gets
• 13:52
  mixed
• 13:52
  with
• 13:52
  fear,
• 13:53
  because
• 13:54
  now
• 13:54
  you're
• 13:54
  fearing
• 13:54
  what
• 13:54
  they're
• 13:55
  going
• 13:55
  to
• 13:55
  do
• 13:55
  next.
• 13:56
  You
• 13:56
  start
• 13:56
  to
• 13:57
  fear
• 13:57
  how
• 13:57
  bad.
• 13:57
  It
• 13:57
  could
• 13:58
  get
• 13:58
  you
• 13:59
  fear
• 13:59
  that
• 13:59
  if
• 13:59
  you
• 13:59
  act,
• 14:00
  you're
• 14:00
  going
• 14:00
  to
• 14:00
  look
• 14:00
  cruel,
• 14:00
  you're
• 14:01
  going
• 14:01
  to
• 14:01
  look
• 14:01
  like
• 14:01
  the
• 14:01
  bad
• 14:01
  guy.
• 14:02
  But
• 14:03
  you
• 14:03
  also
• 14:03
  have
• 14:03
  this
• 14:03
  fear.
• 14:04
  If
• 14:04
  you
• 14:04
  don't,
• 14:05
  you're
• 14:05
  going
• 14:05
  to
• 14:05
  live
• 14:05
  with
• 14:05
  regret.
• 14:07
  And
• 14:07
  if
• 14:08
  that's
• 14:08
  where
• 14:08
  you
• 14:08
  are
• 14:08
  right
• 14:09
  now,
• 14:09
  I
• 14:09
  want
• 14:10
  to
• 14:10
  remind
• 14:10
  you
• 14:10
  of
• 14:10
  something
• 14:11
  important.
• 14:12
  God
• 14:12
  sees
• 14:13
  all
• 14:13
  that
• 14:13
  is
• 14:14
  is.
• 14:14
  God
• 14:14
  sees
• 14:15
  what's
• 14:15
  hidden.
• 14:16
  He
• 14:16
  also
• 14:16
  sees
• 14:17
  that
• 14:17
  burden
• 14:17
  you're
• 14:17
  carrying
• 14:18
  in
• 14:18
  private.
• 14:19
  And
• 14:19
  he
• 14:19
  isn't
• 14:20
  asking
• 14:20
  you
• 14:20
  to
• 14:20
  control
• 14:21
  everything.
• 14:22
  He's
• 14:22
  actually
• 14:23
  asking
• 14:23
  you
• 14:23
  to
• 14:23
  walk
• 14:23
  in
• 14:24
  wisdom,
• 14:25
  to
• 14:25
  tell
• 14:25
  the
• 14:25
  truth
• 14:26
  and
• 14:27
  yes,
• 14:27
  to
• 14:27
  take
• 14:27
  that
• 14:27
  next
• 14:28
  faithful
• 14:28
  step.
• 14:30
  Sometimes
• 14:30
  love
• 14:31
  sounds
• 14:31
  gentle.
• 14:33
  Sometimes
• 14:33
  love
• 14:33
  sounds
• 14:34
  firm.
• 14:35
  And
• 14:36
  sometimes
• 14:37
  love
• 14:37
  starts
• 14:37
  preparing
• 14:38
  for
• 14:38
  a
• 14:38
  storm
• 14:39
  before
• 14:39
  anyone
• 14:39
  else
• 14:40
  believes
• 14:40
  the
• 14:40
  weather
• 14:40
  is
• 14:41
  changing.
• 14:43
  So
• 14:43
  here's
• 14:43
  my
• 14:43
  encouragement
• 14:44
  for
• 14:44
  you
• 14:44
  today.
• 14:45
  You
• 14:46
  don't
• 14:46
  need
• 14:46
  perfect
• 14:46
  certainty
• 14:47
  to
• 14:47
  begin
• 14:47
  wise
• 14:47
  preparation.
• 14:49
  Here's
• 14:49
  your
• 14:49
  win
• 14:49
  for
• 14:50
  today.
• 14:50
  I
• 14:50
  want
• 14:51
  to
• 14:51
  encourage
• 14:51
  you
• 14:51
  to
• 14:51
  start
• 14:51
  writing
• 14:52
  a
• 14:52
  private
• 14:53
  written
• 14:53
  timeline
• 14:54
  of
• 14:54
  these
• 14:54
  concerning
• 14:55
  incidents.
• 14:56
  Put
• 14:56
  the
• 14:56
  date,
• 14:57
  put
• 14:57
  what
• 14:57
  happened,
• 14:58
  who
• 14:58
  witnessed
• 14:59
  it,
• 14:59
  and
• 14:59
  any
• 14:59
  financial
• 15:00
  impact.
• 15:01
  And
• 15:01
  then
• 15:01
  schedule
• 15:02
  one
• 15:02
  consultation
• 15:03
  either
• 15:03
  with
• 15:03
  her
• 15:04
  doctor's
• 15:04
  office
• 15:04
  to
• 15:04
  share
• 15:05
  your
• 15:05
  concerns
• 15:05
  or
• 15:06
  with
• 15:06
  that
• 15:06
  elder
• 15:06
  law
• 15:07
  attorney
• 15:07
  in
• 15:07
  your
• 15:07
  state.
• 15:08
  This
• 15:08
  is
• 15:08
  a
• 15:09
  very
• 15:09
  difficult
• 15:09
  situation,
• 15:10
  but
• 15:11
  I
• 15:11
  know
• 15:11
  it's
• 15:11
  a
• 15:11
  situation
• 15:12
  you
• 15:12
  can
• 15:12
  get
• 15:12
  through.
• 15:13
  Let's
• 15:13
  get
• 15:13
  to
• 15:14
  our
• 15:14
  Bible
• 15:14
  verse
• 15:14
  for
• 15:14
  today.
• 15:15
  Our
• 15:15
  Bible
• 15:15
  verse
• 15:16
  for
• 15:16
  today
• 15:16
  comes
• 15:16
  from
• 15:17
  Ecclesiastes
• 15:18
  chapter
• 15:18
  7,
• 15:18
  verse
• 15:19
  12.
• 15:20
  It
• 15:20
  says,
• 15:20
  for
• 15:21
  wisdom
• 15:21
  is
• 15:21
  a
• 15:21
  defense,
• 15:22
  as
• 15:22
  money
• 15:22
  is
• 15:23
  a
• 15:23
  defense.
• 15:24
  But
• 15:24
  the
• 15:24
  excellency
• 15:25
  of
• 15:25
  knowledge
• 15:26
  is
• 15:26
  that
• 15:26
  wisdom
• 15:27
  gives
• 15:27
  life
• 15:27
  to
• 15:27
  those
• 15:28
  who
• 15:28
  have
• 15:28
  it.
• 15:30
  Money
• 15:30
  matters
• 15:31
  in
• 15:31
  a
• 15:31
  situation
• 15:31
  like
• 15:32
  this,
• 15:32
  of
• 15:32
  course,
• 15:34
  but
• 15:34
  wisdom
• 15:34
  is
• 15:34
  what
• 15:35
  helps
• 15:35
  protect
• 15:35
  life,
• 15:36
  it
• 15:36
  helps
• 15:36
  protect
• 15:37
  relationships
• 15:38
  and
• 15:38
  it
• 15:38
  protects
• 15:39
  the
• 15:39
  future
• 15:39
  when
• 15:39
  difficult
• 15:40
  decisions
• 15:40
  have
• 15:41
  to
• 15:41
  be
• 15:41
  made.
• 15:42
  And
• 15:42
  unfortunately,
• 15:42
  I
• 15:43
  think
• 15:43
  you're
• 15:43
  facing
• 15:43
  some
• 15:44
  very
• 15:44
  difficult
• 15:45
  situations.
• 15:46
  How
• 15:46
  about
• 15:46
  we
• 15:47
  pray
• 15:47
  together?
• 15:48
  Heavenly
• 15:48
  Father,
• 15:49
  I
• 15:49
  lift
• 15:49
  up
• 15:50
  the
• 15:50
  person
• 15:50
  who's
• 15:50
  carrying
• 15:51
  this
• 15:51
  quiet,
• 15:51
  painful
• 15:52
  burden
• 15:52
  right
• 15:52
  now.
• 15:53
  And
• 15:53
  you
• 15:54
  know
• 15:54
  how
• 15:54
  confusing
• 15:54
  it
• 15:55
  is
• 15:55
  when
• 15:55
  something
• 15:55
  feels
• 15:56
  wrong
• 15:57
  but
• 15:57
  everyone
• 15:57
  else
• 15:57
  can't
• 15:58
  see
• 15:58
  it.
• 15:59
  You
• 15:59
  know
• 15:59
  the
• 15:59
  fear,
• 16:00
  you
• 16:00
  know
• 16:01
  the
• 16:01
  grief,
• 16:01
  that
• 16:01
  second
• 16:02
  guessing
• 16:03
  and
• 16:03
  that
• 16:03
  way
• 16:04
  to
• 16:04
  trying
• 16:04
  to
• 16:04
  protect
• 16:05
  someone
• 16:05
  they
• 16:05
  love.
• 16:06
  Please
• 16:06
  give
• 16:07
  them
• 16:07
  wisdom
• 16:07
  that
• 16:07
  is
• 16:08
  steady,
• 16:08
  Lord,
• 16:08
  and
• 16:08
  not
• 16:09
  reactive.
• 16:10
  Give
• 16:10
  them
• 16:10
  courage
• 16:11
  that
• 16:11
  is
• 16:11
  calm
• 16:12
  and
• 16:12
  not
• 16:12
  harsh.
• 16:13
  Give
• 16:14
  them
• 16:14
  this
• 16:14
  sermon
• 16:15
  as
• 16:15
  they
• 16:15
  document
• 16:15
  concerns
• 16:16
  and
• 16:16
  seek
• 16:16
  that
• 16:16
  professional
• 16:17
  help
• 16:17
  and
• 16:18
  make
• 16:18
  some
• 16:18
  very
• 16:19
  difficult
• 16:19
  decisions.
• 16:20
  Lord,
• 16:21
  protect
• 16:21
  their
• 16:21
  loved
• 16:22
  one
• 16:22
  from
• 16:22
  further
• 16:22
  harm.
• 16:23
  Protect
• 16:24
  this
• 16:24
  family
• 16:24
  from
• 16:24
  panic
• 16:25
  and
• 16:25
  division
• 16:26
  and
• 16:26
  deception.
• 16:27
  And
• 16:27
  Lord,
• 16:27
  where
• 16:28
  the
• 16:28
  situation
• 16:28
  feels
• 16:29
  lonely.
• 16:30
  Remind
• 16:30
  them
• 16:30
  that
• 16:30
  you
• 16:31
  are
• 16:31
  present,
• 16:31
  faithful
• 16:32
  and
• 16:32
  near
• 16:32
  in
• 16:32
  all
• 16:33
  of
• 16:33
  the
• 16:33
  storms.
• 16:34
  Show
• 16:35
  them
• 16:35
  the
• 16:35
  next
• 16:35
  right
• 16:35
  step
• 16:36
  today
• 16:36
  and
• 16:37
  give
• 16:37
  them
• 16:37
  peace
• 16:37
  to
• 16:38
  take
• 16:38
  it.
• 16:38
  And
• 16:39
  I
• 16:39
  ask
• 16:39
  this
• 16:39
  in
• 16:39
  Jesus
• 16:40
  name.
• 16:41
  Amen
• 16:43
  friend,
• 16:43
  the
• 16:44
  kind
• 16:44
  of
• 16:44
  burden
• 16:44
  that
• 16:45
  you're
• 16:45
  carrying
• 16:45
  is
• 16:45
  heavy
• 16:46
  and
• 16:47
  you're
• 16:47
  not
• 16:47
  weak
• 16:47
  for
• 16:48
  feeling
• 16:48
  worn
• 16:48
  down
• 16:48
  by
• 16:49
  it.
• 16:50
  So
• 16:50
  start
• 16:50
  early
• 16:50
  in
• 16:51
  this,
• 16:51
  stay
• 16:52
  factual,
• 16:52
  get
• 16:53
  wise
• 16:53
  counsel,
• 16:54
  and
• 16:54
  don't
• 16:55
  ever
• 16:55
  wait
• 16:55
  for
• 16:55
  total
• 16:56
  certainty
• 16:56
  before
• 16:56
  taking
• 16:57
  responsible
• 16:57
  steps.
• 16:59
  And
• 16:59
  maybe
• 16:59
  right
• 17:00
  now
• 17:00
  you're
• 17:00
  watching
• 17:00
  a
• 17:00
  loved
• 17:01
  one
• 17:01
  make
• 17:01
  decisions
• 17:01
  that
• 17:01
  worry
• 17:02
  you,
• 17:02
  or
• 17:03
  if
• 17:03
  you're
• 17:03
  navigating
• 17:04
  this
• 17:04
  kind
• 17:04
  of
• 17:04
  gray
• 17:04
  area
• 17:05
  yourself.
• 17:05
  I
• 17:05
  want
• 17:05
  to
• 17:05
  hear
• 17:06
  from
• 17:06
  you.
• 17:06
  Leave
• 17:07
  me
• 17:07
  a
• 17:07
  voicemail
• 17:09
  at
• 17:09
  financiallyconfidentchristian.com/voicemail.
• 17:12
  You're
• 17:12
  not
• 17:12
  alone
• 17:12
  in
• 17:12
  this,
• 17:13
  and
• 17:13
  I
• 17:13
  really
• 17:13
  want
• 17:13
  to
• 17:13
  reach
• 17:14
  out
• 17:14
  and
• 17:14
  help
• 17:14
  you
• 17:14
  or
• 17:15
  help
• 17:15
  your
• 17:15
  loved
• 17:15
  one.
• 17:16
  Again,
• 17:16
  that's@financiallyconfidentchristian.com/voicemail.
• 17:20
  Thank
• 17:20
  you
• 17:20
  so
• 17:21
  much
• 17:21
  for
• 17:21
  joining
• 17:21
  me
• 17:21
  today.
• 17:22
  I
• 17:22
  just
• 17:22
  want
• 17:22
  to
• 17:22
  encourage
• 17:23
  you
• 17:23
  to
• 17:23
  stay
• 17:23
  financially
• 17:24
  savvy.
• 17:25
  May
• 17:25
  God
• 17:25
  bless
• 17:25
  you
• 17:26
  and
• 17:26
  you
• 17:27
  have
• 17:27
  a
• 17:27
  truly
• 17:27
  great
• 17:27
  day.