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Whats It Like Having A Brother Thats Blind ? · Blind But Now I See

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Back at it for another episode of the Blind Man
• 0:01
  Speaker 1: i C Show. I am your host, FOBC Note the Hood,
• 0:04
  Speaker 1: Ray Charles, Blind Poppy, if you nasty, the voice of
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: the disabls.
• 0:10
  Speaker 2: Damn what else that I'm forgetting the.
• 0:12
  Speaker 1: Official blonde stuff. But that's I'm forgetting the official blonde stuffer.
• 0:15
  Speaker 1: And today you already know what. The podcast is sponsored
• 0:18
  Speaker 1: by two sixty five Canal Street WTF Media Studio. They're
• 0:23
  Speaker 1: not sponsoring, but they sponsoring. And we in the studio,
• 0:26
  Speaker 1: we locked in. I got my boy Wolf with me.
• 0:30
  Speaker 1: That's my producer engineer. And today is one of those
• 0:36
  Speaker 1: I feel good episodes.
• 0:37
  Speaker 3: You know.
• 0:39
  Speaker 2: I got the call from my baby sister.
• 0:42
  Speaker 3: I got the call it field episode. You know. She
• 0:44
  Speaker 3: been calling me like she want to start a podcast.
• 0:47
  Speaker 1: And I said, damn, she talking in my feel you know,
• 0:49
  Speaker 1: because this one right here gonna be a doctor in another.
• 0:53
  Speaker 3: Year, another year, year and a half year.
• 0:55
  Speaker 2: Yeah, we pushing, you know, I'm like, you know, she
• 0:59
  Speaker 2: the brains. You know, I'm the street, the club, the hood,
• 1:03
  Speaker 2: you know.
• 1:04
  Speaker 1: So for her to call me, I said, wait, hold
• 1:06
  Speaker 1: up the doctor one lessons from me. It's something you
• 1:09
  Speaker 1: can help me with. I felt like I graduated out
• 1:11
  Speaker 1: of Harvard when she called me. But we ain't gonna
• 1:14
  Speaker 1: waste no more time.
• 1:16
  Speaker 2: What you want?
• 1:16
  Speaker 3: Wait?
• 1:16
  Speaker 2: Hold on, what do you want to be called?
• 1:19
  Speaker 4: So my name is obviously I'm want to be called
• 1:21
  Speaker 4: by my name, right, my name is Branda. Yeah, that's
• 1:24
  Speaker 4: who I am.
• 1:24
  Speaker 1: That's my name because I would have called you your nickname,
• 1:26
  Speaker 1: I ain't gonna put.
• 1:27
  Speaker 3: It out there. No, my name is Miranda.
• 1:29
  Speaker 4: But people are gonna know me and won't know me
• 1:31
  Speaker 4: as you know, doctor Felder Online one. So that's what
• 1:35
  Speaker 4: we're going with. But yeah, definitely call doctor Felder online
• 1:38
  Speaker 4: one fell online one.
• 1:40
  Speaker 2: Yes, do you want to change that? Because that people
• 1:41
  Speaker 2: know my name? People gonna know my last name and shit,
• 1:45
  Speaker 2: I don't know.
• 1:45
  Speaker 1: You might got to change that, but nah, so you know,
• 1:49
  Speaker 1: telling people, give the people a little bit of who
• 1:51
  Speaker 1: you are.
• 1:52
  Speaker 4: Okay, So my name is as I said before, my
• 1:55
  Speaker 4: name is Miranda Felder, and I am here to talk
• 1:57
  Speaker 4: about my podcast.
• 1:58
  Speaker 3: It's a new venture for me.
• 1:59
  Speaker 4: But something I definitely always wanted to do is called
• 2:02
  Speaker 4: doctor Felder.
• 2:03
  Speaker 3: Online one on Instagram.
• 2:05
  Speaker 4: We are d R period Feather Underscore on Underscore line
• 2:10
  Speaker 4: Underscore one because I want to make sure you guys
• 2:12
  Speaker 4: got that. There's doctor Felder Online one and that's my
• 2:17
  Speaker 4: Instagram name. I'm starting a podcast that will be dropping
• 2:20
  Speaker 4: in March of twenty twenty five. So I'm just here
• 2:22
  Speaker 4: to just let people know about the podcast and what
• 2:24
  Speaker 4: we got going on. So that's why I caught you
• 2:26
  Speaker 4: up because I was like, you already have a platform.
• 2:28
  Speaker 4: I need to be on your platform, letting your people know,
• 2:30
  Speaker 4: letting your audience know what we got going on. I
• 2:33
  Speaker 4: have a bachelor's in psychology. I have a master's in
• 2:36
  Speaker 4: school counselor and a certification. I just got a master's
• 2:40
  Speaker 4: in education. I just finished the requirements for that yesterday
• 2:44
  Speaker 4: and I will have a SID and clinical in school
• 2:46
  Speaker 4: psychology in about a year to two years. So that's
• 2:50
  Speaker 4: who I am and what I am so into. And
• 2:52
  Speaker 4: I'll be called you know, I'm Branda today, but soon
• 2:54
  Speaker 4: I'll be doctor Felder Online one.
• 2:55
  Speaker 2: So and you know what I mean.
• 2:58
  Speaker 1: Run down my condense, you I think the King's but
• 3:01
  Speaker 1: two semesters I got wanted to have credit.
• 3:04
  Speaker 2: I ran off of my mother finance. You ain't check.
• 3:07
  Speaker 4: She gotta see this, and then she's gonna come and
• 3:08
  Speaker 4: call you up and actually have she still.
• 3:11
  Speaker 2: Asked me money.
• 3:12
  Speaker 1: I ran over the check, you feel me. I bought
• 3:15
  Speaker 1: some nice game and all that ship and then the
• 3:18
  Speaker 1: second turn around there and give me no check, and
• 3:19
  Speaker 1: I stopped going.
• 3:21
  Speaker 3: Ya gonna the end of the story, She's gonna be
• 3:23
  Speaker 3: real upset.
• 3:23
  Speaker 1: And then let me tell you the crazy thing about
• 3:25
  Speaker 1: it is, I got wanted to have credit, and that
• 3:28
  Speaker 1: was at math and human sexuality.
• 3:31
  Speaker 3: So that's only that's the only thing you was good at.
• 3:33
  Speaker 3: No psych. We wasn't good in.
• 3:34
  Speaker 1: Sight, no English, fel, no biology, felt art, feul, music, fel,
• 3:42
  Speaker 1: human sexuality. I passed And that's that she counted as
• 3:45
  Speaker 1: a half a credit.
• 3:45
  Speaker 3: Wow, maybe that's what you're good at. Maybe she stick
• 3:48
  Speaker 3: to doing that.
• 3:49
  Speaker 1: Yeah, y'all think I'm going back to school for it.
• 3:53
  Speaker 1: But what is we expected from this podcast? What is
• 3:58
  Speaker 1: your reasons of wanting to start it podcast? Because you
• 4:00
  Speaker 1: could have did anything. Yeah, you could have went to
• 4:04
  Speaker 1: different hospitals to talk to people.
• 4:06
  Speaker 2: Yeah, why a podcast?
• 4:09
  Speaker 3: So I'm going to give you a few reasons.
• 4:10
  Speaker 4: So the first thing I'm going to ask you is
• 4:13
  Speaker 4: how many doctors do you know that you can call
• 4:14
  Speaker 4: right now that you know?
• 4:15
  Speaker 2: No, personally, I don't know doctors.
• 4:19
  Speaker 4: Okay, how many black doctors do you know that you
• 4:21
  Speaker 4: can call right now and speak to them? I don't
• 4:24
  Speaker 4: know exactly exactly right. So that's one of the reasons
• 4:31
  Speaker 4: why I started. I think like for a long time,
• 4:33
  Speaker 4: I realized I had like this epiphany, and I was
• 4:35
  Speaker 4: sitting on there for a while. Me and You've had conversations.
• 4:37
  Speaker 4: I also had conversations with one of my best friends
• 4:39
  Speaker 4: who also had a podcast. It's like, I am a
• 4:41
  Speaker 4: black doctor from Brooklyn, right, and I'm over here sitting
• 4:46
  Speaker 4: on my potential, and I know a lot of things.
• 4:47
  Speaker 4: I've always felt like, oh, I want to help people
• 4:49
  Speaker 4: on a small platform, But why be small when you
• 4:51
  Speaker 4: could be big?
• 4:52
  Speaker 3: Right?
• 4:53
  Speaker 4: So I felt like I wanted to start a podcast
• 4:55
  Speaker 4: to help people a lot of the stuff that's going
• 4:57
  Speaker 4: on with mental health and people suffering from mental health.
• 4:59
  Speaker 4: It's my people, and I'm sitting here with this information
• 5:03
  Speaker 4: and I'm not helping my people.
• 5:04
  Speaker 3: I'm from Brooklyn. I'm the regular girl next door. Right.
• 5:08
  Speaker 4: I grew up in the hood. I grew up in Brooklyn.
• 5:10
  Speaker 4: Beat all the odds. I was born to a single mother,
• 5:15
  Speaker 4: teenage mother. Statistically to say that I would to be
• 5:18
  Speaker 4: a teenage mother and I beat those odds. And here
• 5:20
  Speaker 4: I am with all this education and I know all
• 5:22
  Speaker 4: this stuff, and I'm sitting here and I'm not helping people.
• 5:25
  Speaker 3: I'm selling myself short. So I was like, yeah, it's
• 5:28
  Speaker 3: cool for.
• 5:28
  Speaker 4: Me to go into schools, hospitals like you said, and
• 5:30
  Speaker 4: I'm gonna be able to help these people in small ways.
• 5:32
  Speaker 4: But I'm not small, I'm big. So podcast is the
• 5:36
  Speaker 4: next thing for me. I need to be able to
• 5:37
  Speaker 4: touch people all around the world and help people all
• 5:39
  Speaker 4: around the world. I'm sitting on this knowledge and I'm
• 5:41
  Speaker 4: not spreading it.
• 5:43
  Speaker 3: I think. Another thing that made me realize that I
• 5:44
  Speaker 3: needed to speak.
• 5:45
  Speaker 4: More about what I know is I had a friend,
• 5:47
  Speaker 4: a close friend, who told me that she was suffering
• 5:49
  Speaker 4: with mental health and even thought about suicide. And to me,
• 5:52
  Speaker 4: that was crazy because I was just like, I'm your friend,
• 5:55
  Speaker 4: and I have the resources, and if you felt like
• 5:58
  Speaker 4: you couldn't come to me and as your friend and
• 6:00
  Speaker 4: tell me these things, what am I really doing?
• 6:01
  Speaker 3: Am I really helping? Am I really using all this
• 6:03
  Speaker 3: knowledge that I know? Know?
• 6:05
  Speaker 4: So I was like, you know what, I have the potential,
• 6:07
  Speaker 4: I have the knowledge. I used to tell like little
• 6:10
  Speaker 4: stories on Instagram. People probably gonna watch the crud. But
• 6:12
  Speaker 4: I used to tell these stories on Instagram. I am
• 6:14
  Speaker 4: a storyteller, Like this is what I do. Now I'm
• 6:16
  Speaker 4: gonna use my voice for good purpose and be able
• 6:18
  Speaker 4: to get my knowledge and.
• 6:19
  Speaker 3: Put this school.
• 6:20
  Speaker 4: All these degrees, I'm gonna put them to work in
• 6:21
  Speaker 4: a different way. So not just helping people of course
• 6:24
  Speaker 4: in schools in the hospitals. But now I want to
• 6:25
  Speaker 4: laune your platform. I think that was important. So here
• 6:28
  Speaker 4: I am sure I'm keeping a real Jall you do
• 6:31
  Speaker 4: not talk like this. She's city girl up one thousand.
• 6:37
  Speaker 3: But now I'm doctor Veldla.
• 6:39
  Speaker 2: She can't.
• 6:39
  Speaker 1: She came on talking a professional and all that. This
• 6:42
  Speaker 1: is the block Nazi podcast. Just say the halfway.
• 6:46
  Speaker 2: I'm giving both.
• 6:46
  Speaker 3: No, I'm just halfway your podcasts. I've given them both.
• 6:50
  Speaker 4: And like that's I think that's gonna be the good
• 6:51
  Speaker 4: thing about like the podcast and the page. It's just
• 6:53
  Speaker 4: like you're not only gonna see like the business side
• 6:57
  Speaker 4: or the mental health side.
• 6:58
  Speaker 3: Like I'm gonna give you all of that. I'm gonna
• 6:59
  Speaker 3: give you the tip, I'm going to give you the struggle.
• 7:00
  Speaker 3: I'm going to give you a day in life.
• 7:02
  Speaker 4: And what I do you seeing me run around you,
• 7:05
  Speaker 4: seeing me with my family, I'm not here to see
• 7:07
  Speaker 4: him act like you know I'm some big, big doctor
• 7:09
  Speaker 4: like No, I'm very much like I said, I grew
• 7:11
  Speaker 4: up in Brooklyn bedsty. I've had family members on family
• 7:14
  Speaker 4: members on my father house. They on my father's side,
• 7:17
  Speaker 4: they suffer from alcoholism. I've seen people in my family
• 7:20
  Speaker 4: suffer with these mental health illnesses that I'm studying every day.
• 7:23
  Speaker 4: So it's like to see these things firsthand. And I
• 7:26
  Speaker 4: have people who are going through these things, and I
• 7:28
  Speaker 4: have the knowledge. What am I going to school for?
• 7:30
  Speaker 4: Not only need to help strangers, to help my people,
• 7:32
  Speaker 4: you know.
• 7:32
  Speaker 3: What I mean. So it was important for me to
• 7:34
  Speaker 3: do this stuff.
• 7:35
  Speaker 1: So, so from you coming from a place like this,
• 7:39
  Speaker 1: how do you escape it?
• 7:40
  Speaker 2: How do your mind get clear from this?
• 7:42
  Speaker 3: You know what? I'm not even gonna lie to you.
• 7:44
  Speaker 4: Before I came to that, I said, he's gonna ask
• 7:45
  Speaker 4: me that what do I do to maintain my owness?
• 7:47
  Speaker 3: Because I know he's going to ask that.
• 7:49
  Speaker 1: Everybody comes to me and tell me their problems, but
• 7:51
  Speaker 1: it's like trying to deal with a person problems and
• 7:55
  Speaker 1: still trying to keep myself from jumping off that edge
• 7:58
  Speaker 1: because every day it is a yeah, it's like I
• 8:02
  Speaker 1: find different ways. So it's like A listen to music,
• 8:04
  Speaker 1: I listen to podcasts. I keep busy so I won't
• 8:06
  Speaker 1: go into that dark space. So what do you do
• 8:10
  Speaker 1: for me?
• 8:10
  Speaker 4: It's multiple things, right, and you gotta find Like you said,
• 8:12
  Speaker 4: you gotta find what works for you for me very
• 8:15
  Speaker 4: and I mean it's cold heartily like everybody's gonna say.
• 8:17
  Speaker 4: It's different stuff, spa journal in and all those things
• 8:20
  Speaker 4: are good, meditation, all those things.
• 8:21
  Speaker 3: Is your way.
• 8:22
  Speaker 4: I promoted. I have patience who use them. But for me,
• 8:24
  Speaker 4: it's like legit, like me being social. When I'm social,
• 8:28
  Speaker 4: when I'm with my friends, I tell my friends all
• 8:30
  Speaker 4: the time. They heal me every time we hang out.
• 8:31
  Speaker 4: They heal me when I'm with my friends. Even with
• 8:34
  Speaker 4: my family, I do certain things to make sure that
• 8:36
  Speaker 4: my mental health is intact. So whether that's like I
• 8:39
  Speaker 4: have a friend, I'll go sit on her couch and
• 8:40
  Speaker 4: we don't say nothing to each other, but we together,
• 8:42
  Speaker 4: we're in the same room. Everything that needs to be
• 8:44
  Speaker 4: said is sad. We'll have conversation, but we don't talk
• 8:47
  Speaker 4: at the same time. Sometimes we'll have music playing, we
• 8:49
  Speaker 4: both on our phone, but she's there, she's present. You
• 8:51
  Speaker 4: get what I'm saying, because I'm going I'm in a
• 8:53
  Speaker 4: mental space where I obviously talk to her about what's happening,
• 8:56
  Speaker 4: but I just need to be around somebody, like I
• 8:58
  Speaker 4: need to be social at that moment.
• 8:59
  Speaker 3: So that's what I need to do.
• 9:01
  Speaker 4: My family helps me, Like you know, I call you
• 9:03
  Speaker 4: some mornings I'm going through you know, going through what
• 9:05
  Speaker 4: I'm going through me and you will have a conversation
• 9:07
  Speaker 4: and you'll be the start of my day. Like you
• 9:08
  Speaker 4: get what I'm saying. You gotta set the tone. Oh boy,
• 9:12
  Speaker 4: you gotta set the tone. My nephews is a big
• 9:14
  Speaker 4: part of my mentor health, making sure my mentor heal
• 9:15
  Speaker 4: are good.
• 9:16
  Speaker 3: I call them.
• 9:16
  Speaker 4: They joking, they jake, they joking and you know, joking
• 9:20
  Speaker 4: around for me, that's it.
• 9:21
  Speaker 3: So I think for me, it's really being social.
• 9:23
  Speaker 4: Like sometimes I need I'll call my friend, I need
• 9:24
  Speaker 4: to have dinner, but we'll have dinner and that's that
• 9:26
  Speaker 4: helped me.
• 9:27
  Speaker 3: Sometimes I go to my friend couch. That helps me.
• 9:29
  Speaker 3: Sometimes it's jumping on the phone.
• 9:30
  Speaker 4: So for me, it has definitely been being social and
• 9:32
  Speaker 4: then sometimes too, like I'll take a break, right like
• 9:36
  Speaker 4: sometimes I can't be doctor fel though, like I need
• 9:39
  Speaker 4: a second. Like so sometimes it's me saying like I
• 9:42
  Speaker 4: can't take on your problem because right now I need
• 9:45
  Speaker 4: to make space for me. And I think that was
• 9:47
  Speaker 4: something that before I used to feel like I couldn't
• 9:48
  Speaker 4: do right. But imagine you're being a therapist to strangers
• 9:52
  Speaker 4: all day, you're studying all day, and then I got
• 9:54
  Speaker 4: to be a therapist to people in my family and
• 9:56
  Speaker 4: then be a therapist to people in my friend my friends.
• 9:58
  Speaker 4: It's a lot, you get what I'm saying, And so
• 10:00
  Speaker 4: knowing when that I need to be social and when
• 10:02
  Speaker 4: I needed to be about me and I kind of
• 10:04
  Speaker 4: need somebody else, and knowing when I just need a
• 10:06
  Speaker 4: second to be myself.
• 10:08
  Speaker 3: I also don't.
• 10:08
  Speaker 4: Want to neglect the fact that, like I've have been
• 10:10
  Speaker 4: to therapy throughout my you know, my school has mandated
• 10:13
  Speaker 4: that time for me to go to therapy, so I
• 10:15
  Speaker 4: have experience sitting down with a therapists and talking about
• 10:18
  Speaker 4: my problems and stuff like that. So I'm all in
• 10:19
  Speaker 4: for all of those things. I feel like all therapists
• 10:22
  Speaker 4: need a therapist, Yeah, Yeah, they say that all therapists
• 10:24
  Speaker 4: need a therapist, so that's definitely important.
• 10:27
  Speaker 3: I definitely promote that as well.
• 10:28
  Speaker 1: All right, So another question, how can how do you
• 10:31
  Speaker 1: separate from work to like going.
• 10:36
  Speaker 2: Like for instance, like me, I was an EMT.
• 10:38
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I don't talk about that much on this podcast,
• 10:41
  Speaker 1: but I was an EMT and when I went on rotations,
• 10:43
  Speaker 1: we had to pick a kid up from school that
• 10:45
  Speaker 1: was going in and out of conscious.
• 10:48
  Speaker 2: In my heart, I sat there said, this kid can't
• 10:50
  Speaker 2: die on me.
• 10:51
  Speaker 1: So like, I'm giving my all to this kid to
• 10:53
  Speaker 1: make sure this kid is great because at the end
• 10:55
  Speaker 1: of the day, like and I have no kid at
• 10:56
  Speaker 1: this time, but it's like I looked at it like
• 10:58
  Speaker 1: I have a niece, I have kids that's around me
• 11:01
  Speaker 1: that I love.
• 11:02
  Speaker 2: So I'm doing my best.
• 11:04
  Speaker 1: So opposed to you, you dealing with people that talks
• 11:07
  Speaker 1: about wanting to commit suicide. They feel like they're worthless
• 11:11
  Speaker 1: when you leave out of that session. How do you
• 11:15
  Speaker 1: not be effected by it?
• 11:16
  Speaker 4: Yeah, a lot of people will tell you all these
• 11:18
  Speaker 4: taxes that they do to leave you behind, but the
• 11:19
  Speaker 4: truth is you don't. And I'll say that when you
• 11:22
  Speaker 4: would just speaking, I'll say that because even when I
• 11:24
  Speaker 4: was like a school counselor, I had a kid who
• 11:27
  Speaker 4: started experiencing and showing signs of like a psychotic breakdown.
• 11:30
  Speaker 4: And this was a kid that I love like I
• 11:32
  Speaker 4: love like you would have thought this kid was my family,
• 11:34
  Speaker 4: but I loved him right, and he started experiencing things
• 11:38
  Speaker 4: and hallucinations and delusions and stuff like that. And this
• 11:41
  Speaker 4: was a kid that I had to eventually had to
• 11:43
  Speaker 4: separate myself from because it was becoming like detrimental to
• 11:46
  Speaker 4: whatever we had going.
• 11:47
  Speaker 3: On in the school.
• 11:48
  Speaker 4: And I was his school counselor, and it was hard,
• 11:51
  Speaker 4: like it was hard like I felt, you know, I
• 11:53
  Speaker 4: wanted to obviously help this kid. I wanted to save him,
• 11:55
  Speaker 4: but understanding in my head that I can't save everybody,
• 11:58
  Speaker 4: you know what I mean. I do the best that
• 12:00
  Speaker 4: I can. I give all that I can, and once
• 12:02
  Speaker 4: that's done, it's the rest is up to them and
• 12:05
  Speaker 4: it's up to their family and their other support system.
• 12:08
  Speaker 4: But I just know that I put my best forward.
• 12:09
  Speaker 4: So when I walk away from a situation, I'm never
• 12:11
  Speaker 4: walking away with regret.
• 12:12
  Speaker 3: I'm never walking away.
• 12:14
  Speaker 4: You know, I'm going to be sad, but I'm never
• 12:16
  Speaker 4: walking away like I could have done more, because I
• 12:18
  Speaker 4: always try to do my best, but it's hard. I've
• 12:20
  Speaker 4: definitely went home and thought about, you know, kids that
• 12:23
  Speaker 4: I had to leave and that was going through situation.
• 12:26
  Speaker 4: I definitely leave sessions and I'm thinking about my patient. Oh,
• 12:29
  Speaker 4: is they going to be right? You know they're suffering
• 12:31
  Speaker 4: from depression or that stuff. They're suicidal. I'm worrying about them.
• 12:34
  Speaker 4: Are they going to be alive tomorrow? Like you know,
• 12:36
  Speaker 4: you're going to think about those things. I'm a human being,
• 12:39
  Speaker 4: and then you grow to care about them. But like
• 12:40
  Speaker 4: I said, I think for me, the best thing to
• 12:42
  Speaker 4: do is just put my best foot forward, give them
• 12:44
  Speaker 4: all that I can, and then I walk away with
• 12:47
  Speaker 4: no regrets from whatever happens at the end of that.
• 12:50
  Speaker 2: Okay, how long you've been doing this far?
• 12:52
  Speaker 4: Oh my god, you don't really make me show my
• 12:55
  Speaker 4: I'm young though, No, don't say forever because I'm young.
• 12:58
  Speaker 3: I want people to know that I'm young.
• 13:00
  Speaker 4: I've been a school counselor in schools for seven years,
• 13:04
  Speaker 4: and throughout my whole time, I've always been like counseling.
• 13:07
  Speaker 4: I've worked in like group homes with girls, and I
• 13:09
  Speaker 4: acted as like counselor. I worked in facilities, so I've
• 13:13
  Speaker 4: been doing this I'll say well over ten years, but
• 13:15
  Speaker 4: I was a school counselor for seven years. But I've
• 13:17
  Speaker 4: been doing this ever since I got my undergrad and
• 13:19
  Speaker 4: i finished at twenty one, I've been in the field
• 13:21
  Speaker 4: providing people with some type of counselor in the therapy.
• 13:24
  Speaker 1: So being in this game for so long, what are
• 13:27
  Speaker 1: some of the signs that you see a person is
• 13:31
  Speaker 1: having that breakdown, that.
• 13:33
  Speaker 2: That person is on the edge, ready to go ahead over.
• 13:36
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I think everybody's different.
• 13:38
  Speaker 4: I think everybody's different because everybody some people you don't
• 13:41
  Speaker 4: see no signs, right, So a person could be depressed,
• 13:45
  Speaker 4: still social, still hanging out, still doing any thing, and
• 13:47
  Speaker 4: go home at it and cry and hoping that they die,
• 13:49
  Speaker 4: like you never know. So I think for everybody it's
• 13:51
  Speaker 4: important to know that it looks different. Some people will
• 13:54
  Speaker 4: show you signs. They'll be home, they'll you know, it'll
• 13:56
  Speaker 4: be sadness. Some people straight out tell you. I've had
• 13:58
  Speaker 4: people tell me before that you know, I'm suicidal and
• 14:03
  Speaker 4: don't have a plan. Some people do have a plan,
• 14:05
  Speaker 4: like this is how I want to die. So I
• 14:07
  Speaker 4: think that It's hard to say because everybody looks it
• 14:09
  Speaker 4: looks different. All I can say is that check on
• 14:12
  Speaker 4: your friends. And not only that, not only check on
• 14:14
  Speaker 4: your friends, but check on.
• 14:15
  Speaker 3: Your strong friends.
• 14:16
  Speaker 4: Because sometimes you think the strong friend got it all
• 14:19
  Speaker 4: under control and it's handling well, and they're going home
• 14:21
  Speaker 4: and they're suffering.
• 14:23
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 14:23
  Speaker 3: So even the people.
• 14:24
  Speaker 4: Who are not crying or who are not telling you
• 14:26
  Speaker 4: that they're not feeling okay, they're not feeling themselves or
• 14:28
  Speaker 4: not showing the signs of what we're used to it.
• 14:30
  Speaker 4: Sometimes people will smile on your face and go home
• 14:32
  Speaker 4: and they're miserable or they're sad, or they're thinking about suicide,
• 14:36
  Speaker 4: and they think that life will be better without them.
• 14:38
  Speaker 4: So check on them too. Yeah, like, check on them too,
• 14:41
  Speaker 4: you know what I mean.
• 14:42
  Speaker 3: It's important. Yeah.
• 14:43
  Speaker 1: I was too strong for my own self to a
• 14:45
  Speaker 1: point I was just like I got a chat ready
• 14:47
  Speaker 1: to check out.
• 14:48
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I was too strong for myself.
• 14:49
  Speaker 1: And it's like, men, don't never feel like you too
• 14:53
  Speaker 1: strong to sit and tell somebody that you are fucked up,
• 14:58
  Speaker 1: you are hurt, and you need help, you reaching out
• 15:02
  Speaker 1: for help. Never feel like you're too strong for that,
• 15:04
  Speaker 1: because at the end of the day. We all need somebody.
• 15:08
  Speaker 1: You all need somebody.
• 15:09
  Speaker 2: And what is the for.
• 15:13
  Speaker 1: The hood, the people that's in the back the hood people.
• 15:15
  Speaker 1: What is the difference between the psychiatrists and the therapist,
• 15:18
  Speaker 1: because like when people hear those two words, they feel
• 15:21
  Speaker 1: like they're the same. Yeah, So what are the difference
• 15:25
  Speaker 1: psychiatrists and a therapy.
• 15:26
  Speaker 4: The only real difference is psychologists and a psychiatrists, right,
• 15:29
  Speaker 4: Psychiatrists are people that prescribe medicine. So those psychologists and
• 15:34
  Speaker 4: a psychiatrist.
• 15:35
  Speaker 2: Oh I learned saying I just call the therapist.
• 15:38
  Speaker 4: So a psychologist is essentially a therapist too, like they're therapy,
• 15:41
  Speaker 4: like they do therapy, like they.
• 15:42
  Speaker 3: Can do therapy.
• 15:43
  Speaker 4: But the difference was psychiatrists psychiatrists they more so like
• 15:46
  Speaker 4: prescribe medicine, you know what I mean. So psychologists don't
• 15:48
  Speaker 4: prescribe medicine, but they can do tests, and they can
• 15:50
  Speaker 4: do you know, testing, they could do diagnoses and things of.
• 15:53
  Speaker 3: That nature, and they provide therapy.
• 15:55
  Speaker 4: With my degree, I can work in both schools or
• 15:57
  Speaker 4: I can work in clinical settings. So I can work
• 15:59
  Speaker 4: in school as a psychologist diagnosing kids with even like
• 16:02
  Speaker 4: a learning disability and learning you know, stuff like that.
• 16:06
  Speaker 4: But in terms of if I work in like a
• 16:08
  Speaker 4: medical field, if I work in like a hospital, I'll
• 16:10
  Speaker 4: be doing more of like testing an assessment, So testing
• 16:13
  Speaker 4: you for like to see if like maybe like schizophrenia,
• 16:17
  Speaker 4: bipolar and stuff like that on a different scale.
• 16:19
  Speaker 2: Whisper special now because you look like you look like you've.
• 16:23
  Speaker 1: Seen s well, start talking. She started whisper like like
• 16:26
  Speaker 1: she's telling my business.
• 16:28
  Speaker 4: Yeah, it's just it's just but they all, like I said,
• 16:30
  Speaker 4: they all, you know, have the powers essentially to provide
• 16:33
  Speaker 4: therapy and give therapy.
• 16:36
  Speaker 1: Yeah, scenario, Well, if have you ever been in a
• 16:41
  Speaker 1: predicament where you felt like you needed a therapist?
• 16:44
  Speaker 2: No, I never have.
• 16:45
  Speaker 5: I've been open to that idea more these days, but
• 16:47
  Speaker 5: I've never really thought about needing a therapist before.
• 16:50
  Speaker 3: All right, let's so let's talk about this. But since
• 16:52
  Speaker 3: I'm here, and then go.
• 16:54
  Speaker 4: Right, because here we go, and I want to go
• 16:56
  Speaker 4: back to what you said a little bit too, Like
• 16:58
  Speaker 4: you talked about the time that, like, you know, you
• 16:59
  Speaker 4: were suffering, and I think even you was a perfect
• 17:01
  Speaker 4: example because I don't like you. Notice I don't like
• 17:05
  Speaker 4: to talk about like mental health with the family. I
• 17:06
  Speaker 4: don't because y'all call me. One, I think I have
• 17:09
  Speaker 4: all the answers, which I don't like. And then two,
• 17:12
  Speaker 4: I feel like I feel like sometimes I'll say something
• 17:16
  Speaker 4: like that, look like a little I would like that,
• 17:18
  Speaker 4: look like a little anxiety of depression.
• 17:20
  Speaker 3: I'll be like, no, that's not what it is. You
• 17:22
  Speaker 3: can't do that.
• 17:23
  Speaker 4: You cannot diagnose some right mind you like you feel
• 17:26
  Speaker 4: like I'm expert in the family, But y'all feel like,
• 17:27
  Speaker 4: I don't want to say that.
• 17:28
  Speaker 3: But I think like when you to go back to
• 17:30
  Speaker 3: what I was saying, when.
• 17:30
  Speaker 4: You was going through like your depression and look very different,
• 17:32
  Speaker 4: because today you would be good. We would try to
• 17:35
  Speaker 4: come get you and take you out and we would
• 17:37
  Speaker 4: do stuff and you would be right, and then we
• 17:38
  Speaker 4: would get a phone call maybe some artist she was
• 17:40
  Speaker 4: flipping out, he was having a bad day. I think
• 17:42
  Speaker 4: with you, your days, your bad days that you show
• 17:45
  Speaker 4: were sporadic, so like one day you would be okay
• 17:48
  Speaker 4: and like we will be hanging out and we'd be
• 17:49
  Speaker 4: finding the next day you'll call me and you'll be crying,
• 17:51
  Speaker 4: like and you'll bela, today is not a good day.
• 17:52
  Speaker 3: And I didn't.
• 17:53
  Speaker 4: Understand that people because we were being honest, right, So
• 17:59
  Speaker 4: that's that's what yours would look like like that that like,
• 18:02
  Speaker 4: that's how yours was different because, like I said, with
• 18:04
  Speaker 4: the people that was out with us, maybe the night before,
• 18:06
  Speaker 4: they would see you out hanging out, ol Chris so
• 18:08
  Speaker 4: strongky outside this and this, it would be good. But
• 18:10
  Speaker 4: they'm not knowing about that breakdown that you had the
• 18:12
  Speaker 4: following day after just being out and being social.
• 18:15
  Speaker 3: You get what I'm saying.
• 18:16
  Speaker 2: People still, yeah, damn, he's strong. How are you strong? Yeah?
• 18:19
  Speaker 1: But people don't understand it takes a lot for me
• 18:22
  Speaker 1: to be this strong, Like it takes a lot for
• 18:26
  Speaker 1: me to keep a smile on my face to walk
• 18:29
  Speaker 1: because at the end of the day, it's like it's
• 18:31
  Speaker 1: mental health triggers me every day, not seeing my child,
• 18:36
  Speaker 1: not being able to have I'm free. I have my
• 18:39
  Speaker 1: freedom by my independence of getting up and just going
• 18:43
  Speaker 1: I do that shit now. But just getting in a
• 18:44
  Speaker 1: car and driving off and ship like that. I that
• 18:50
  Speaker 1: that shit can weighs on mental health. Then it's like
• 18:54
  Speaker 1: at one time people are, oh, you know, maybe you're suffering.
• 18:58
  Speaker 2: You got depression.
• 19:00
  Speaker 1: Uh, I'm like, I don't got no fucking depression, Because
• 19:03
  Speaker 1: like in the hood. When you hear oh, mental health,
• 19:06
  Speaker 1: you think of a check, So you trying to say
• 19:08
  Speaker 1: I need a check, Like what the like?
• 19:11
  Speaker 2: Nothing just wrong with me?
• 19:13
  Speaker 1: But then so much shit was happening at one time,
• 19:15
  Speaker 1: CJ graduating that triggered my mental health.
• 19:18
  Speaker 2: You graduated, triggering my mental health.
• 19:21
  Speaker 1: Not being able to come to your basketball game triggering
• 19:23
  Speaker 1: my mental health, running behind Tati in the streets triggering
• 19:26
  Speaker 1: my mental health. So it was like it was just
• 19:27
  Speaker 1: so much shit to a point, It's like I went
• 19:30
  Speaker 1: from being a lead person to not have to be
• 19:34
  Speaker 1: the fallback person. It's like I'm not first no more.
• 19:37
  Speaker 1: I felt I felt like I was in first. That
• 19:39
  Speaker 1: shit weighed on my mental health. All that should happened
• 19:42
  Speaker 1: at one time. It's so I'm like, man, maybe they
• 19:45
  Speaker 1: better without me. I took my course, Like I ran
• 19:49
  Speaker 1: my course.
• 19:50
  Speaker 2: It's done. I did what I had to do.
• 19:51
  Speaker 1: All right, cool, let me let me just move out
• 19:53
  Speaker 1: the way, let me make anybody, like everybody life like easier.
• 19:58
  Speaker 2: And shit went from there.
• 20:00
  Speaker 3: Yeah, And I think that's important.
• 20:02
  Speaker 4: And I like, you know, not to say, like to
• 20:04
  Speaker 4: downplay whatever you went through all of that, but I
• 20:06
  Speaker 4: think like I can speak from the perspective of being
• 20:08
  Speaker 4: your family even being watching you go through all that, right,
• 20:11
  Speaker 4: and not only that being your family member for a
• 20:13
  Speaker 4: long I tell people this all the time.
• 20:15
  Speaker 3: Yeah, we got other siblings. For for a long time,
• 20:17
  Speaker 3: it was just.
• 20:18
  Speaker 4: Me and you, right, it was just me and you,
• 20:20
  Speaker 4: Me and I tell Mommy this all the time. Me
• 20:21
  Speaker 4: and you went through the struggle with her. We like
• 20:23
  Speaker 4: we went through the struggle with our mother. Where the
• 20:25
  Speaker 4: other ones when they came along, she was a little
• 20:26
  Speaker 4: bit you know, she was more established or whatever. She
• 20:28
  Speaker 4: was easy, right, it was easier for them. But watching
• 20:31
  Speaker 4: you go through that, and then me being second second born,
• 20:34
  Speaker 4: and then me feeling like I used to depend on
• 20:36
  Speaker 4: you for a lot of things, right, I depend on
• 20:37
  Speaker 4: you for a lot. I used to feel like I
• 20:39
  Speaker 4: did not need a license because you need you drove.
• 20:41
  Speaker 4: I used to really think that, like I don't have
• 20:43
  Speaker 4: to get a license. My brother have a license. I
• 20:45
  Speaker 4: don't have to drive. When that happened, it was like,
• 20:47
  Speaker 4: oh snap, like, girl, you gotta go get a license
• 20:50
  Speaker 4: because your brother can't drive. Now, right, certain things now
• 20:53
  Speaker 4: it was just like your brother's not around to kind
• 20:55
  Speaker 4: of do or be there.
• 20:56
  Speaker 3: You have to figure it out.
• 20:57
  Speaker 4: And I felt like Mommy kind of took over, like
• 21:01
  Speaker 4: kind of like shelled you like you were the baby
• 21:04
  Speaker 4: now and everybody else had to step up and figure
• 21:06
  Speaker 4: it out. Right, So I'm next to line, right, I remember,
• 21:08
  Speaker 4: I never got I think I had a conversation with
• 21:10
  Speaker 4: mommy and I said, she said, I don't have to
• 21:12
  Speaker 4: worry about you because I know, like you're my kid.
• 21:15
  Speaker 3: You got it, you got it right.
• 21:16
  Speaker 4: So she got she has to kind of like help
• 21:18
  Speaker 4: you a little bit more because of your situation. Help
• 21:21
  Speaker 4: CJ because he's the baby. Helped Tatiana because she got
• 21:24
  Speaker 4: kids right. But she's like, you're the kid. I don't
• 21:26
  Speaker 4: worry about like you're the kid. I know that's that's okay, right.
• 21:29
  Speaker 4: And I didn't know whether to feel like that was
• 21:31
  Speaker 4: a compliment or like my way like you know, but
• 21:34
  Speaker 4: not to say that I don't need my mom because
• 21:36
  Speaker 4: my mom is there. My mom is, you know, number
• 21:38
  Speaker 4: one of my number one support Systember what she was
• 21:40
  Speaker 4: really saying.
• 21:40
  Speaker 3: Is like I know that you, like I know that
• 21:43
  Speaker 3: you're okay.
• 21:44
  Speaker 4: You get what I'm saying. I know that you're going
• 21:45
  Speaker 4: to be okay. And I was like, and then that
• 21:48
  Speaker 4: for me a click and I was just like like, yeah,
• 21:50
  Speaker 4: I'm okay. So now one of my other siblings just
• 21:53
  Speaker 4: need her a little bit more. So I got to
• 21:54
  Speaker 4: be you understand what I'm saying. I gotta be a
• 21:56
  Speaker 4: right But watching you go through that depression and PTSD was.
• 21:59
  Speaker 2: Taught that shit kicked.
• 22:01
  Speaker 3: It was tough.
• 22:02
  Speaker 2: That shit w withh my ass, PTSD with my ass.
• 22:06
  Speaker 4: And then imagine you imagine you knowing all these hy
• 22:09
  Speaker 4: I'm in school, I'm learning all these techniques, and I'm
• 22:10
  Speaker 4: doing all these things, and one of the people that
• 22:13
  Speaker 4: you care about the most you can't help.
• 22:15
  Speaker 3: You can't help.
• 22:16
  Speaker 4: I know all this information, I know all of these things,
• 22:19
  Speaker 4: all these techniques. I'm out here helping all these people,
• 22:21
  Speaker 4: and I can't help my brother.
• 22:22
  Speaker 3: That's crazy.
• 22:24
  Speaker 2: Shit was real.
• 22:27
  Speaker 1: PTSD is saying real depression anxiety. Don't try to turn
• 22:34
  Speaker 1: to medication. Don't try to turn to the proper medication.
• 22:39
  Speaker 1: Don't turn to the street phomases. Don't turn into the alcohol.
• 22:43
  Speaker 2: I did it.
• 22:44
  Speaker 1: It made me even worse, It made me a moster,
• 22:46
  Speaker 1: kept people away. It's not the right path to go down.
• 22:49
  Speaker 1: I lived it, I've been through it. I can tell
• 22:52
  Speaker 1: you about it. That shit is not good. It's not harmful.
• 22:56
  Speaker 2: It's like that because it's true, but it's bad.
• 23:03
  Speaker 1: But I made it the way I'm here that I'm
• 23:06
  Speaker 1: here today to talk about it. I'm not scared to
• 23:08
  Speaker 1: tell somebody when I'm having a bad day, when I'm
• 23:11
  Speaker 1: going when I'm having a bad day, or I call
• 23:13
  Speaker 1: everybody and I'm screaming, I'm.
• 23:15
  Speaker 3: Cursing you, Like I'm not you be screaming. I'll be like,
• 23:19
  Speaker 3: but wait, what happened?
• 23:20
  Speaker 1: Banging on the walls, I'm punching overs now They like,
• 23:23
  Speaker 1: I gotta run to this nigga.
• 23:24
  Speaker 2: What's going on now?
• 23:26
  Speaker 4: And then everybody and like one thing I love about us,
• 23:28
  Speaker 4: like as a family, everybody's like getting in their cars
• 23:30
  Speaker 4: ready to come over there, like come where you're at, Like, okay.
• 23:32
  Speaker 3: You grabbing a bad day? Let us all come.
• 23:34
  Speaker 2: Like it started off with just two people on the
• 23:35
  Speaker 2: phone to ten people.
• 23:38
  Speaker 3: Oh he having a bad day, he's having a bad day. Yeah,
• 23:41
  Speaker 3: he's having a bad day. Yeah.
• 23:42
  Speaker 2: I don't seen people run out of church. They come
• 23:43
  Speaker 2: in to come run to me.
• 23:46
  Speaker 1: And that's why I'm like, yo, I got a support system,
• 23:49
  Speaker 1: Like what about the people that don't got support systems?
• 23:52
  Speaker 4: And you know, that's where it gets tough, Like you know,
• 23:54
  Speaker 4: it's people who don't have support system. But there's outlets,
• 23:56
  Speaker 4: there's resources out there where you can definitely, you know,
• 24:00
  Speaker 4: seek help and talk to somebody. I personally feel like
• 24:04
  Speaker 4: it's good to kind of speak to somebody who don't
• 24:06
  Speaker 4: know you and who's neutral.
• 24:07
  Speaker 2: That's just my opinion.
• 24:08
  Speaker 4: I think that sometimes, you know, I'll be telling my
• 24:11
  Speaker 4: friends stuff and you'd be ready to crash out. And
• 24:13
  Speaker 4: my friends are very biased because they're my friends and
• 24:15
  Speaker 4: they love me, and my family they love me, so
• 24:16
  Speaker 4: they gonna tell me I'm not bugging. But I think
• 24:18
  Speaker 4: to go sit down with a therapist and kind of say, well,
• 24:20
  Speaker 4: this is what's happening, and this is why I'm feeling
• 24:23
  Speaker 4: this way right, and kind of figuring out why you
• 24:25
  Speaker 4: keep repeating these patterns. I want people to understand that
• 24:28
  Speaker 4: a therapist job and therapy is not to fix you.
• 24:32
  Speaker 4: My job is not to give you advice on what.
• 24:34
  Speaker 3: You should do.
• 24:35
  Speaker 4: That's not what I do at the therapist. You have
• 24:37
  Speaker 4: the answers. I am here to help you figure out
• 24:39
  Speaker 4: these things, right. I'm here to allow you to talk
• 24:41
  Speaker 4: through those and figure these things out on your own
• 24:43
  Speaker 4: because that's essentially what you do.
• 24:45
  Speaker 3: And people don't get that.
• 24:46
  Speaker 4: People say, oh, I don't want to go tell a
• 24:48
  Speaker 4: stranger my business, so you want to go sit here
• 24:50
  Speaker 4: and tell your best friend or your dirty laundry, and
• 24:52
  Speaker 4: knowing that they can go tell somebody.
• 24:54
  Speaker 3: You get what I'm saying.
• 24:55
  Speaker 4: So I think that kind of having like that person
• 24:56
  Speaker 4: who's neutrue and kind of being able to talk to
• 24:58
  Speaker 4: somebody who don't know, it's kind of better than talking
• 25:01
  Speaker 4: to somebody that you know.
• 25:03
  Speaker 1: And coming from a person that went to therapy and
• 25:05
  Speaker 1: once upon a time in my life, don't run away
• 25:09
  Speaker 1: from it, really sit down and try it out. Because
• 25:13
  Speaker 1: I went to therapy. I wasn't open to it, but
• 25:16
  Speaker 1: I was forced to because I was wilding out on
• 25:18
  Speaker 1: everybody around me. I was tweaking, so they checked me in,
• 25:23
  Speaker 1: but just being there. I went there for four weeks
• 25:26
  Speaker 1: and every week it is like we wasn't getting nowhere
• 25:27
  Speaker 1: further because as he asked me questions, I'm limiting my
• 25:31
  Speaker 1: answers because it's like, Nigga, I don't.
• 25:34
  Speaker 2: Know you, you.
• 25:35
  Speaker 1: Can't relate to me, So why is I'm sitting here
• 25:37
  Speaker 1: pulling myself out to you? For so every week he like, Okay,
• 25:42
  Speaker 1: mister Pheller, we gonna try next week.
• 25:44
  Speaker 2: Okay, mister Pheller, be gonna try next week. He tapped
• 25:47
  Speaker 2: me on. He said, next week, I'm gonna get you.
• 25:49
  Speaker 2: I said, you think so? He said yeah.
• 25:51
  Speaker 1: I said, we're gonna see. And I came in In the
• 25:54
  Speaker 1: following week. I'm like, all right, this nigga is just
• 25:57
  Speaker 1: sucking up my fucking coverage. That's how I felt spending
• 26:00
  Speaker 1: your money. Because the third week, he's like, oh, you
• 26:02
  Speaker 1: got shot? Yeah, he said, how did it feel? I'm
• 26:05
  Speaker 1: like it bounds, it hurts. He said, oh, I don't
• 26:08
  Speaker 1: know about that type of pain. The only thing I
• 26:09
  Speaker 1: fell off the bike and straight my knee, and I'm like,
• 26:12
  Speaker 1: I know this nigga didn't trying to compare a gunshot
• 26:14
  Speaker 1: won to a bike.
• 26:15
  Speaker 2: For then he like, oh, where you live at? It's
• 26:18
  Speaker 2: roughly you live out. I'm in Brooklyn.
• 26:19
  Speaker 1: Oh, I'm more the way along galland bro. We can't
• 26:23
  Speaker 1: we can't compare you. But then in that fourth week,
• 26:26
  Speaker 1: he said, how do your son look? I said, uh,
• 26:33
  Speaker 1: have you been paying attention? He said, happy, I Sound'm blind.
• 26:35
  Speaker 1: I can't see my son. He said, no, describe him there,
• 26:39
  Speaker 1: I know always when now he looked. I took my
• 26:40
  Speaker 1: phone out. He said, no, put your phone away. How
• 26:42
  Speaker 1: he looked, and I got quiet for a minute. I said,
• 26:46
  Speaker 1: you're trying to be fucking funny. He like, no, just
• 26:49
  Speaker 1: tell me how he looked. Describe the what you know
• 26:51
  Speaker 1: him as. And as I'm describing him, I start crying.
• 26:55
  Speaker 1: He said, you're not that tough. I broke you. He said,
• 26:58
  Speaker 1: now we could get on with our session. I said,
• 27:00
  Speaker 1: I'm glad you felt that way because you're not going
• 27:02
  Speaker 1: to see me next week. And I never went back
• 27:06
  Speaker 1: left out. It's like everything was happening at one time.
• 27:08
  Speaker 1: I left out. I'm walking up the block. Now you're
• 27:10
  Speaker 1: christ you from Methodist. I'm walking up the block to
• 27:13
  Speaker 1: catch a cab. One of my friends I went to
• 27:15
  Speaker 1: high school with that was in an EMT class that
• 27:18
  Speaker 1: passed it.
• 27:18
  Speaker 2: You can't let you, Chris. I turned around. Now you
• 27:21
  Speaker 2: call me Chris. I'm like, you gotta know me.
• 27:23
  Speaker 1: Because people don't call me no Christmas Street. So as
• 27:26
  Speaker 1: I gave him a pan to be brought it in,
• 27:28
  Speaker 1: I felt that patch. I said, Damn, this is where
• 27:33
  Speaker 1: I'm supposed to be at. I'm not supposed to be blind.
• 27:35
  Speaker 1: I supposed to be on this fucking EMT truck. Like
• 27:37
  Speaker 1: I worked hard for this shit. But I mean, they
• 27:39
  Speaker 1: denied me for DM EMT and they fought for me
• 27:42
  Speaker 1: because I was I was on probation. They fought for
• 27:45
  Speaker 1: me to take this test. I'm going through loopholes to
• 27:49
  Speaker 1: get to this test. First time I took it, I
• 27:52
  Speaker 1: felt it. I bought books from bars and nobles. I
• 27:55
  Speaker 1: worked hard for this ship. And then I'm like for
• 27:58
  Speaker 1: this ship to get stashed away from me. Then they
• 28:00
  Speaker 1: don't got no answers for me to see again. I'm like, nah,
• 28:04
  Speaker 1: this is too much.
• 28:04
  Speaker 2: I went home. I'm in that room and them voices
• 28:07
  Speaker 2: started in my head like just check out. And then
• 28:11
  Speaker 2: I'm looking like I'm getting up. I'm walking to the.
• 28:14
  Speaker 1: Window and I'm like, damn, it's the window the key
• 28:16
  Speaker 1: to go to check out. Then I go back to
• 28:19
  Speaker 1: the bed, I sit down, I'm drinking. I'm like, damn,
• 28:22
  Speaker 1: what the fuck. Then Sean Andre he talking to me,
• 28:25
  Speaker 1: talking to me, and I'm just I'm zoning him out
• 28:26
  Speaker 1: my hearing shit.
• 28:28
  Speaker 2: I'm leaving down this.
• 28:29
  Speaker 1: I'm walking down the stairs. I'm hearing the voices in
• 28:31
  Speaker 1: my like just go. You waste the time taking them space.
• 28:35
  Speaker 1: I'm like, damn, what the fuck. I woke up, I
• 28:38
  Speaker 1: used the bathroom. I came back, them noises in my
• 28:40
  Speaker 1: head again. I said, fuck it with them pills. I
• 28:43
  Speaker 1: took one pill and let me go to sleep.
• 28:45
  Speaker 2: Now, these sleeping pills, that the fuck is I got?
• 28:47
  Speaker 1: Just subscribe to me. I took that one pill. I'm
• 28:51
  Speaker 1: not sleeping now, I'm walking around the house, my body
• 28:54
  Speaker 1: feeling sluggish.
• 28:57
  Speaker 2: I took another pill.
• 28:58
  Speaker 1: I'm not sleeping, but my eyes just getting low. I'm
• 29:01
  Speaker 1: like this man, fuck this shit. I'm tired of this shit.
• 29:05
  Speaker 1: I'm tired of living this life. I took all the
• 29:08
  Speaker 1: fucking pills. Next thing, you know, when I took it,
• 29:12
  Speaker 1: the noise is stopped. But then I'm just hearing like
• 29:16
  Speaker 1: flashing in my head like good times.
• 29:19
  Speaker 2: And then the last flash of my son. I said, damn,
• 29:22
  Speaker 2: I'm leaving him. Bum. I stuck the pill down my
• 29:26
  Speaker 2: throw it all up. I'm on the.
• 29:28
  Speaker 1: Floor because now, like for that moment, like them pills
• 29:31
  Speaker 1: start kicking in because now I'm weak now, and I
• 29:34
  Speaker 1: hear Sean like, yo, bro, what the fuck is you doing?
• 29:37
  Speaker 2: Bro? I said, Sean, leave me alone? Bro.
• 29:40
  Speaker 1: He like, I gotta call the amblets. I said, no,
• 29:43
  Speaker 1: leave me alone, just let it, just let it go, bro.
• 29:46
  Speaker 1: He crying, He grabbed me DAEs he grabbing on me.
• 29:49
  Speaker 1: I'm like, damn, what the fuck I just tried to do.
• 29:53
  Speaker 1: But for that moment, it was just like I don't
• 29:55
  Speaker 1: want to be here no more.
• 29:57
  Speaker 2: Boom.
• 29:57
  Speaker 1: I go to the hospital. Now they're like, let me,
• 30:00
  Speaker 1: let me see. We gotta pump anything.
• 30:01
  Speaker 2: Out of you.
• 30:02
  Speaker 1: They took the blood. They're like, n it's not in
• 30:05
  Speaker 1: his system. He's like, how need pills you took? I said,
• 30:08
  Speaker 1: I mean pills is on that fucking bottle. He said,
• 30:10
  Speaker 1: he took the whole bottle and nothing in your system.
• 30:13
  Speaker 1: He said, God with you.
• 30:15
  Speaker 2: I said.
• 30:17
  Speaker 1: This gud ship were talking about, all right, I'm ready
• 30:20
  Speaker 1: to go go with you going upstairs.
• 30:25
  Speaker 2: I'm like, now, I'm like, what you mean I'm going
• 30:30
  Speaker 2: up stairs?
• 30:31
  Speaker 3: Uh huh?
• 30:31
  Speaker 1: He said, no, you're going up stairs you try to
• 30:34
  Speaker 1: commit suicide. I'm like, I ain't going up no fucking stairs.
• 30:39
  Speaker 2: The two big niggas came and told me wrong.
• 30:43
  Speaker 1: One took my goddamn nigga, the other one strap me
• 30:48
  Speaker 1: ride through the hospital.
• 30:49
  Speaker 2: People were looking like, yo, what's wrong?
• 30:51
  Speaker 1: And I'm looking like yo, y'all fucking embarrassing me like this,
• 30:54
  Speaker 1: like what the fuck?
• 30:55
  Speaker 2: Boom?
• 30:56
  Speaker 1: I goes upstairs. Now They're like, oh, anything shooting, you
• 31:00
  Speaker 1: gotta take off. I'm like, I'm not doing this shit.
• 31:03
  Speaker 1: Them ben niggas told me wrong. They came and got it,
• 31:06
  Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying.
• 31:07
  Speaker 2: I'm sitting in there.
• 31:08
  Speaker 1: I'm like, I am ass, why the cup is not
• 31:10
  Speaker 1: coming from this table? They're like, no, you can't lift
• 31:12
  Speaker 1: the cups up? What I'm going to the bathroom? She
• 31:15
  Speaker 1: opening and I'm like, miss, what are you doing?
• 31:17
  Speaker 2: Oh? You can't pee by yourself? What? Then I'm walking
• 31:21
  Speaker 2: the Walmart food up? You got crazy? I don't want
• 31:24
  Speaker 2: to go. I'm crazy, but they coming to hug meigg it?
• 31:27
  Speaker 2: Can I get a hug? Can I get a kiss?
• 31:29
  Speaker 1: I'm far arming them, I'm like, And then that reality check,
• 31:31
  Speaker 1: I'm not supposed to fucking be here.
• 31:33
  Speaker 2: What the fuck is going on here? That's your reality
• 31:36
  Speaker 2: that was my reality check. I'm like, they got me
• 31:38
  Speaker 2: in there with somebody that's really crazy. I'm not crazy.
• 31:42
  Speaker 2: I'm sitting up there and they making noise and he
• 31:44
  Speaker 2: punching the gate and all this shit. I'm like, and
• 31:46
  Speaker 2: I'm blind.
• 31:46
  Speaker 1: I'm like, what the fuck is Like, Yo, y'all not
• 31:48
  Speaker 1: gonna put me in my own room or something.
• 31:50
  Speaker 2: They're like, Nah, crazy people be with crazy people.
• 31:53
  Speaker 3: You can't call it crazy.
• 31:54
  Speaker 1: They got some type of diagnosis psyching, No, psychotic.
• 31:58
  Speaker 3: I'm not all people are psychotic. Some people.
• 32:00
  Speaker 2: It's like, well those types.
• 32:01
  Speaker 3: There was there that I was having psychotic episodes.
• 32:03
  Speaker 2: These type of people don't be with these type of people. Okay,
• 32:06
  Speaker 2: people's coming to my room. Dog, Can I get a hug? No?
• 32:09
  Speaker 4: And I think I think, like what you're saying is
• 32:10
  Speaker 4: to us, like everybody mental health struggles is on a
• 32:14
  Speaker 4: different you get what I'm saying. So these are people
• 32:16
  Speaker 4: you kind of were. You kind of felt like you
• 32:19
  Speaker 4: were people who meant their mental stability was like stream
• 32:22
  Speaker 4: like you know what I mean, They wasn't stable all right? Like,
• 32:24
  Speaker 4: so these are people that you It sounds like what
• 32:27
  Speaker 4: we're experiencing some type of maybe psychotic break maybe like
• 32:30
  Speaker 4: some type of hallucinations, delusions and all those things. And
• 32:32
  Speaker 4: it kind of sounds like maybe you had at home
• 32:35
  Speaker 4: you was having like because you talked about like voices
• 32:37
  Speaker 4: and stuff like that. Maybe you was having some type
• 32:38
  Speaker 4: of psychotic episode. But by the time they got you
• 32:41
  Speaker 4: to the hospital and the pills was out your system,
• 32:44
  Speaker 4: it seems that you your mental health, you was a little
• 32:46
  Speaker 4: bit of the Yeah, you was a little bit more
• 32:48
  Speaker 4: stayed with than the people you might telling.
• 32:50
  Speaker 2: You what to do. And I'm like, yeah, like, yo,
• 32:54
  Speaker 2: where's the curtains.
• 32:55
  Speaker 1: How I'm washing out with no curtains. They're like, oh,
• 32:57
  Speaker 1: you gotta wash it. I like, miss how I'm sleeping
• 33:00
  Speaker 1: you at the end of my bed. We gotta watch you.
• 33:03
  Speaker 1: You're going twenty four hour walkch I'm like And then
• 33:05
  Speaker 1: for that moment, I sat there and I really had
• 33:07
  Speaker 1: to sit there and ask myself, is I'm really crazy?
• 33:10
  Speaker 1: Is I'm really fucked up?
• 33:12
  Speaker 2: Like?
• 33:12
  Speaker 1: Do I really want to check out this? That then
• 33:15
  Speaker 1: it's like I isolated myself from calling any of one
• 33:18
  Speaker 1: of y'all. But then I called my big mom and
• 33:21
  Speaker 1: I'm listening my son just talking at me for I'm
• 33:23
  Speaker 1: coming to your house, and I'm just like, damn, I
• 33:25
  Speaker 1: was ready to leave all of this. Nah, I gotta
• 33:28
  Speaker 1: find a different way. I gotta do something different. I
• 33:30
  Speaker 1: gotta but I ain't gonna lie. I was in there
• 33:32
  Speaker 1: for seventy two hours, and I was the best sleep
• 33:34
  Speaker 1: of it.
• 33:35
  Speaker 2: I'm not even.
• 33:36
  Speaker 1: Gonna hold you don't go there though, people the best?
• 33:39
  Speaker 3: Now you telling you go to the cycle?
• 33:42
  Speaker 1: Nah, no, no, lie, Because it's like I had time
• 33:44
  Speaker 1: to be with myself and really think everything over.
• 33:48
  Speaker 2: It's like, and then I was beating.
• 33:51
  Speaker 1: Myself up from getting shot to a point I didn't
• 33:53
  Speaker 1: forgive myself, so that all that shit just waded allong
• 33:57
  Speaker 1: me until a point I'm like, alright, Christopher, you kids,
• 34:00
  Speaker 1: change it, let it go. I came home and just
• 34:04
  Speaker 1: seeing like the presence of what I mean in people,
• 34:07
  Speaker 1: It's like, damn, I can't check out that even when
• 34:10
  Speaker 1: it's hard, I can't check out. I can't and I'm
• 34:13
  Speaker 1: here the fucking age to talk about it. To save them,
• 34:16
  Speaker 1: I say, to save the mother, to save your life,
• 34:19
  Speaker 1: to save a person life. On the other end, but
• 34:21
  Speaker 1: you never know what a person going through when they're
• 34:22
  Speaker 1: on that couch. You never know what a person going
• 34:24
  Speaker 1: through when they just laying in that bed, hopeless, when
• 34:26
  Speaker 1: they at that deaths at the work, when they just
• 34:29
  Speaker 1: just sitting there, Like, check up on the people that
• 34:33
  Speaker 1: you love, Just.
• 34:34
  Speaker 2: Send them a text. That shit means it's a lot.
• 34:37
  Speaker 2: I love you. Are you okay? Just the worst of it?
• 34:39
  Speaker 2: I love you. That does a lot? Yeah, does a lot.
• 34:42
  Speaker 2: But enough of me. Back to what.
• 34:46
  Speaker 3: So?
• 34:46
  Speaker 2: Yeah, Now, what y'all was saying.
• 34:48
  Speaker 4: No, So, what I was saying is I think that
• 34:50
  Speaker 4: you made like all these points. But one of the
• 34:53
  Speaker 4: things I think too, like you spoke about too is
• 34:54
  Speaker 4: second therapist is like, you'll go to these places and
• 34:57
  Speaker 4: these facilities, and there's people who don't look like you,
• 35:00
  Speaker 4: or people who haven't experienced some of the things. Not
• 35:03
  Speaker 4: saying that, you know, people who have differences can't work
• 35:06
  Speaker 4: together in a therapeutic setting. And I'm not saying that,
• 35:09
  Speaker 4: but it's important that we have minority doctors. It's important
• 35:13
  Speaker 4: that it's important that I become a black doctor and
• 35:17
  Speaker 4: so I can see black kids and help black individuals,
• 35:20
  Speaker 4: because it's tough when you feel like you can't relate
• 35:22
  Speaker 4: to somebody. You don't want to tell me your story,
• 35:23
  Speaker 4: right because they may judge you. If I hit that
• 35:25
  Speaker 4: you up here and you living in the mansion and
• 35:27
  Speaker 4: you got all this money, I'm less likely to want
• 35:30
  Speaker 4: to tell you my story right. Where if I know
• 35:32
  Speaker 4: that you could relate to what I'm saying, and I'm
• 35:33
  Speaker 4: saying certain things I'm bound to open up, right, I'm
• 35:36
  Speaker 4: saying things like, yo in the hood, this is and
• 35:37
  Speaker 4: this It's like, oh okay, I get that, Like I understand,
• 35:40
  Speaker 4: like you may know that this therapists went through that struggle. Okay,
• 35:43
  Speaker 4: she do understand what I'm saying. I think that now
• 35:45
  Speaker 4: in this generation, a lot of people don't go to
• 35:48
  Speaker 4: therapy is because they don't have We don't have black
• 35:50
  Speaker 4: therapists who are relatable need.
• 35:52
  Speaker 3: We don't have the.
• 35:53
  Speaker 4: Course, right, So if you got to pay, paying for
• 35:55
  Speaker 4: therapy out of pocket is a lot of money. So
• 35:57
  Speaker 4: unless you have insurance, and sometimes your insurance are covered.
• 36:01
  Speaker 1: Sometime, yeah, shirvice don't cover the doctors that you really want,
• 36:04
  Speaker 1: right to give you the bullshit doctors.
• 36:07
  Speaker 2: And that's what it was.
• 36:07
  Speaker 1: It's hard for me to find a black like I
• 36:10
  Speaker 1: want to go back to therapy, right, you feel me?
• 36:12
  Speaker 1: Because it's it's day by day I do still go
• 36:16
  Speaker 1: through a lot and I.
• 36:18
  Speaker 2: Need a therapist to talk to.
• 36:20
  Speaker 1: But it's no black therapists out here that you hit
• 36:24
  Speaker 1: them up. Oh I charge one to fifty hour, I
• 36:27
  Speaker 1: charge to under the hour. Oh we don't take your
• 36:29
  Speaker 1: courage and then you got your pocket and then it's
• 36:32
  Speaker 1: like I'm paying out my pocket.
• 36:33
  Speaker 2: I'm on disability. It's like, how I'm really doing this?
• 36:37
  Speaker 1: Honestly speaking, I feel like they should open up. No
• 36:40
  Speaker 1: matter what coverage you have, you should be able to
• 36:42
  Speaker 1: go to any fucking body.
• 36:44
  Speaker 2: At the end of the day.
• 36:45
  Speaker 1: Yeah, your health, your mental health is more valuable than anything.
• 36:50
  Speaker 1: It's like, I feel like they should open it up
• 36:54
  Speaker 1: so we could turn our mental health to mental health.
• 36:57
  Speaker 1: And it's like I feel like they isolated and people
• 36:59
  Speaker 1: not get and a proper help because we don't.
• 37:01
  Speaker 3: Have the resources.
• 37:03
  Speaker 1: We can't sit down with the people that look like us,
• 37:05
  Speaker 1: that understand us, that might been through the hood with.
• 37:07
  Speaker 3: Not a lot of people. It's not out of us.
• 37:09
  Speaker 4: It's not such your handful of black dolocers. It's not
• 37:11
  Speaker 4: a lot of us. Like you said, course, not only
• 37:14
  Speaker 4: that accessibility, right, it's not you're not finding these places.
• 37:18
  Speaker 4: These places are not on the corner and best side
• 37:21
  Speaker 4: or down said you gotta go to the city to
• 37:24
  Speaker 4: find a therapist. You gotta do that, or like one
• 37:26
  Speaker 4: thing I tell people all the time. The best thing
• 37:27
  Speaker 4: that COVID did in terms of mental health was opened
• 37:29
  Speaker 4: up the platform a telehealth platform where people could receive
• 37:32
  Speaker 4: therapy in the comfort of their home and in virtually
• 37:35
  Speaker 4: you get what I'm saying. I think that that opened
• 37:37
  Speaker 4: up a lot of different doors of people who are
• 37:38
  Speaker 4: scared to walk into, you know, a therapist building, people
• 37:42
  Speaker 4: who it's.
• 37:43
  Speaker 3: Not They can't.
• 37:44
  Speaker 4: I don't want to get on the train every day
• 37:45
  Speaker 4: and go to the city to see a therapist, right,
• 37:47
  Speaker 4: so people who now can do that in the comfort
• 37:49
  Speaker 4: of their home. I have patients who feel like that,
• 37:50
  Speaker 4: like being able to you know, just zoom in is
• 37:53
  Speaker 4: better for them, and they're comfortable they're home, they can
• 37:56
  Speaker 4: feel more comfortable talking in that sentence. So I think
• 37:58
  Speaker 4: that COVID definitely opened up different platforms for people to
• 38:00
  Speaker 4: be able to use for their mental health. And that's
• 38:03
  Speaker 4: why I'm here today, so that more people know about
• 38:05
  Speaker 4: them resources. One of the good resources that I know
• 38:09
  Speaker 4: about is an app. Actually you can get it right
• 38:10
  Speaker 4: on your iPhone. It's talk Space. I think that that's
• 38:13
  Speaker 4: that's cool. I know Space, Yeah, those those two platforms.
• 38:17
  Speaker 4: I really like Talkspace because I know people who sponsor
• 38:20
  Speaker 4: me talk Space. I know people who actually use talkspace.
• 38:22
  Speaker 4: But talkspace is really good. You can see a therapist
• 38:25
  Speaker 4: and they tend to take a lot of insurance or whatever.
• 38:27
  Speaker 4: And now only that if they don't take insurance, they
• 38:29
  Speaker 4: have like payments where you can do like little payment
• 38:30
  Speaker 4: things and situations. Also, what I didn't know what I started,
• 38:34
  Speaker 4: I didn't figure out until I went to school, is
• 38:36
  Speaker 4: that a lot of schools that have programs that mine
• 38:39
  Speaker 4: where psychologists are at, like training psychologists and training. They
• 38:43
  Speaker 4: have a training clinic, so you can literally go to
• 38:46
  Speaker 4: a clinic and see somebody like me who's in training
• 38:49
  Speaker 4: but who has the tools and stuff like that, and
• 38:52
  Speaker 4: you can get you can get therapy from them. And
• 38:55
  Speaker 4: they'll have courses as low as zero dollars up to
• 38:57
  Speaker 4: fifty dollars like the courses Arrange I'm depending on where
• 38:59
  Speaker 4: you at. That's another cheap way to get therapy into
• 39:02
  Speaker 4: you know, may suttain your mental health.
• 39:07
  Speaker 1: But talk space, what's the other world say, better health
• 39:12
  Speaker 1: sponsored me? I'm talking about mental health here. I'm an
• 39:16
  Speaker 1: advocate of mental health. Wait, so let's go back.
• 39:19
  Speaker 4: So, so, like tell us why you feel like even
• 39:21
  Speaker 4: though you're interested, why why you didn't seek any services
• 39:23
  Speaker 4: like you don't know where to go, Like what we
• 39:25
  Speaker 4: got going.
• 39:25
  Speaker 5: On, I just didn't really feel compelled to go seek
• 39:29
  Speaker 5: it out, Like I didn't feel like what I was
• 39:31
  Speaker 5: going through was demanding enough.
• 39:35
  Speaker 2: I'm trying to look for a better word.
• 39:37
  Speaker 3: I didn't really know.
• 39:38
  Speaker 5: It's not until recently that I even realized that, like,
• 39:41
  Speaker 5: because sometimes trauming things that we go through in the
• 39:43
  Speaker 5: black experience is so normal that it wasn't until like
• 39:47
  Speaker 5: I'm you know, becoming more of a man, becoming more
• 39:49
  Speaker 5: comfortable in my in my skin, and I'm realizing like,
• 39:52
  Speaker 5: oh shit, like that's not normal. Yeah, you know what
• 39:54
  Speaker 5: I mean. So I'm just not realizing that there are
• 39:57
  Speaker 5: some things that I could even sit down with a
• 39:58
  Speaker 5: professional and discuss. I'm just thinking, ain't nothing, really, it's
• 40:02
  Speaker 5: nothing to talk about. You realize, like, oh but it
• 40:05
  Speaker 5: is right, it is, though.
• 40:07
  Speaker 2: You know what I mean.
• 40:07
  Speaker 3: So I'm definitely open to it.
• 40:09
  Speaker 5: But you know, we all I think it's it's levels
• 40:11
  Speaker 5: to trauma's trauma is it's a spectrum. And I just
• 40:15
  Speaker 5: thought always, because you know, my story was not as
• 40:17
  Speaker 5: severe as some people's like your brothers, obviously, that it
• 40:20
  Speaker 5: just wasn't for me. But then I'm learning that, Like,
• 40:23
  Speaker 5: you know, there is a space for me to get
• 40:24
  Speaker 5: in there, though you know it doesn't have to you know,
• 40:26
  Speaker 5: it's a spectrum, you know, and everything is about conditioning,
• 40:29
  Speaker 5: Like what how do you handle what happened to you?
• 40:32
  Speaker 5: It doesn't matter that somebody else's situation is so much
• 40:34
  Speaker 5: more like extreme. It's like it could be extreme to
• 40:38
  Speaker 5: you too, based on what level you at. So you know,
• 40:40
  Speaker 5: I'm definitely open.
• 40:41
  Speaker 3: To it, right, And I think that's important.
• 40:43
  Speaker 4: And I think like too, like you said, like we
• 40:44
  Speaker 4: go up in these black families, like we didn't talk about.
• 40:47
  Speaker 3: No mental health growing up. Like I don't want people
• 40:49
  Speaker 3: to think we did not talk about no mental health
• 40:51
  Speaker 3: growing up.
• 40:52
  Speaker 2: Like we was born into this world with mental health.
• 40:54
  Speaker 3: We was not talking about no mental health.
• 40:55
  Speaker 4: We was not talking about how our experiences are affecting us.
• 40:59
  Speaker 4: We didn't talk about how our childhood experience is affected.
• 41:01
  Speaker 4: We did not talk about that stuff. So I want
• 41:03
  Speaker 4: people to understand that this is not something that was
• 41:05
  Speaker 4: talked about in my family, a lot of a lot
• 41:07
  Speaker 4: of black families exactly. And what they say is what
• 41:10
  Speaker 4: happens in this house stays in this house. Right, So
• 41:12
  Speaker 4: you keep a lot of things within this. It wasn't
• 41:14
  Speaker 4: until I actually started going to school and learning and
• 41:18
  Speaker 4: I was able to be like, this isn't no no, no, no, no,
• 41:21
  Speaker 4: this has a name, Like you get what I'm saying, Like,
• 41:23
  Speaker 4: this is called something. We're not gonna just say, oh,
• 41:26
  Speaker 4: this happened and we put it in the back of
• 41:28
  Speaker 4: our head because it happened at seven.
• 41:30
  Speaker 3: No, the thing that happened to you at.
• 41:31
  Speaker 4: Seven is the reason why you're acting like that at
• 41:33
  Speaker 4: twenty seven, right, So you want to acknowledge that, And
• 41:35
  Speaker 4: I think that that's where people, people, you know, try,
• 41:38
  Speaker 4: especially in black communities, people forget the things that happen
• 41:41
  Speaker 4: in our childhood definitely affect us and us not being
• 41:45
  Speaker 4: able to talk about it as kids or feeling like
• 41:48
  Speaker 4: we don't have to work through it because the way
• 41:49
  Speaker 4: we was raised is definitely impacting the adults that were becoming. Yes,
• 41:53
  Speaker 4: it definitely is, and I want people to know that.
• 41:55
  Speaker 4: But I definitely understand where you're coming from because, like
• 41:58
  Speaker 4: I said, in my household was the same way. But
• 42:00
  Speaker 4: now as an adult, and now that I have this
• 42:02
  Speaker 4: knowledge and I know it's that, I'm like, no, this
• 42:04
  Speaker 4: is trauma, right, This trauma is impacting the way I
• 42:08
  Speaker 4: deal with certain situations. And this needs to be addressed
• 42:11
  Speaker 4: if I want to be a better person, or if
• 42:12
  Speaker 4: I want to be a you know, be a better
• 42:14
  Speaker 4: be a better friend, be a better sibling, be a
• 42:17
  Speaker 4: you know, a future one day, be a better mom,
• 42:18
  Speaker 4: like all these things that I wanted to become. This
• 42:21
  Speaker 4: thing is going to impact the person that I am
• 42:23
  Speaker 4: in the future. So it's important for me to address it.
• 42:25
  Speaker 4: And I think that that's what people miss out on it. Like,
• 42:27
  Speaker 4: you get what I'm saying. Even people who had great lives.
• 42:30
  Speaker 4: You could be living with a family who was very
• 42:32
  Speaker 4: well off and had great situations.
• 42:34
  Speaker 3: All of those things impacted who you are. Now you
• 42:37
  Speaker 3: get what I'm saying.
• 42:38
  Speaker 4: Your social all these things impact us. All these things
• 42:41
  Speaker 4: condition us to be certain ways. And I want people
• 42:43
  Speaker 4: to know, no matter how small you feel like the
• 42:46
  Speaker 4: things you went through or your trauma is or you know,
• 42:50
  Speaker 4: maybe I got a good life. You know, I have
• 42:52
  Speaker 4: a good life, so I shouldn't have mental health issues.
• 42:54
  Speaker 3: It happens.
• 42:55
  Speaker 4: Everybody is struggling, and I want that's important. That's one
• 42:58
  Speaker 4: thing that I wanted to definitely let it be known.
• 43:00
  Speaker 4: Today everybody is struggling, and there's a place for everybody.
• 43:03
  Speaker 4: It don't have to be as extreme as you being
• 43:05
  Speaker 4: in a psych ward. It could be you going to therapy,
• 43:08
  Speaker 4: even if it's once every two weeks, once a month.
• 43:10
  Speaker 4: We have there's different level than different resources out there
• 43:13
  Speaker 4: for everybody's to address whatever they're struggling with.
• 43:15
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and I feel like everybody don't think you one
• 43:18
  Speaker 1: of them. Ah, I don't go through mental health. I
• 43:20
  Speaker 1: don't go through this. You just don't realize it because
• 43:24
  Speaker 1: growing up, I don't lost friends that's died that still
• 43:28
  Speaker 1: impacts me today when they birthdays come around or good
• 43:32
  Speaker 1: memories come around. It's times like I really have to
• 43:38
  Speaker 1: shut up and just sit back with my mother talk
• 43:40
  Speaker 1: because I sit back and I look and say, this
• 43:42
  Speaker 1: woman is strong. And that's why I feel like I
• 43:45
  Speaker 1: am as strong as I am because it's like I
• 43:47
  Speaker 1: seen my mother go through the impossible and never broke
• 43:53
  Speaker 1: down in front of us and kept it going.
• 43:55
  Speaker 2: I don't know what happened behind them closed doors, right,
• 43:57
  Speaker 2: but a lot of people don't know.
• 43:58
  Speaker 1: Like it was me and my mom and Branda in
• 44:00
  Speaker 1: that shelter and she was rough, Like my mother is
• 44:04
  Speaker 1: staying up for us to sleep.
• 44:06
  Speaker 3: We was in the shows in the Bronx for us
• 44:09
  Speaker 3: to sleep.
• 44:10
  Speaker 1: It was to She's making it work for a better
• 44:12
  Speaker 1: life and everything and being that woman is strong as
• 44:15
  Speaker 1: fucked to today.
• 44:16
  Speaker 2: I appreciate her.
• 44:18
  Speaker 1: Like I said, we've been through the storm and my
• 44:22
  Speaker 1: mother like she and to this day she still want
• 44:25
  Speaker 1: to carry people luggage and shit and I'm like, my
• 44:27
  Speaker 1: people is grown, Let let shit be, let it go.
• 44:31
  Speaker 1: But she feel like she got that cape on. She
• 44:33
  Speaker 1: can save everybody. It's like people like her need a therapist,
• 44:39
  Speaker 1: the lock into a therapist, the unpack because you bottled
• 44:42
  Speaker 1: you I just sh bottled up so much that you
• 44:44
  Speaker 1: really don't understand how much like your cup is really
• 44:48
  Speaker 1: being overflood felled.
• 44:50
  Speaker 4: And I think, like, you know, I'm not going to
• 44:52
  Speaker 4: I'm not going to tell her story or to here
• 44:53
  Speaker 4: and say what she's going through, right, but I think
• 44:55
  Speaker 4: like too, she's being pulled in so many different ways.
• 44:57
  Speaker 4: I think that that's important to those and I think
• 44:59
  Speaker 4: like like I said, like people sit here, look at me,
• 45:00
  Speaker 4: and I'll say like, oh, she you know, she's gonna
• 45:03
  Speaker 4: be a doctor, she's going to be a this and
• 45:04
  Speaker 4: she's a.
• 45:04
  Speaker 3: Srapence and she help other people.
• 45:05
  Speaker 4: I have bad days, right, and I think, like, you know,
• 45:08
  Speaker 4: like I've called you a couple of times I have
• 45:09
  Speaker 4: bad days, or I called the number one person on
• 45:11
  Speaker 4: my phone is mommy. Mommy is like she sets my
• 45:14
  Speaker 4: tone like so yeah. So like I feel like my
• 45:16
  Speaker 4: mom is like a fixer, like she can fix anything.
• 45:18
  Speaker 4: Like I'll come to her and be like, I broke something,
• 45:21
  Speaker 4: I don't know how to fix it. She's gonna figure
• 45:22
  Speaker 4: out how to go back together.
• 45:23
  Speaker 1: So we even finished. If the fixer keep fixing, who
• 45:27
  Speaker 1: fixed the fix her?
• 45:28
  Speaker 4: That's and that's why I'm here to tell y'all way
• 45:30
  Speaker 4: I can go to get fixed. I'm here to tell
• 45:33
  Speaker 4: y'all you're I'm here to tell y'all.
• 45:34
  Speaker 3: Not even that.
• 45:35
  Speaker 4: But you gotta you you be in the fixer. You
• 45:37
  Speaker 4: gotta want to fix it. I think that's where we're
• 45:40
  Speaker 4: at too, Like a lot and I just I'm saying,
• 45:42
  Speaker 4: like with us and our family, but I think like
• 45:44
  Speaker 4: people in the community, I think that a lot of
• 45:46
  Speaker 4: people it is very real and they're like, do I
• 45:50
  Speaker 4: even want to fix myself? Or do I want to
• 45:51
  Speaker 4: fix this? Or like I said, oh, maybe this is
• 45:54
  Speaker 4: not that big of a deal. I think that people
• 45:55
  Speaker 4: are still in that stage. So I think that once
• 45:58
  Speaker 4: we get out of feeling like, once we get out
• 46:00
  Speaker 4: of the fear of fixing whatever's going on, then we
• 46:03
  Speaker 4: can get down to Okay, this is where you can
• 46:04
  Speaker 4: go to fix it, right. And I think, like, like
• 46:06
  Speaker 4: you said, a lot of people times people hear mental health,
• 46:08
  Speaker 4: they think psych ward that is not all they or
• 46:12
  Speaker 4: people that hear oh you know, maybe like even people
• 46:14
  Speaker 4: you know, I want to advocate a little bit for
• 46:15
  Speaker 4: people who have like kids who possibly has been diagnosed
• 46:20
  Speaker 4: or are being tested. It doesn't always mean check, it
• 46:23
  Speaker 4: doesn't always mean your kid. You understand what I'm saying.
• 46:26
  Speaker 3: All these all these.
• 46:27
  Speaker 4: Stigmas that surrounded around it, and I think that's why
• 46:28
  Speaker 4: a lot of people don't seek these resources.
• 46:30
  Speaker 3: There's too much stigma.
• 46:32
  Speaker 4: So I've had people say I'm not getting my kid tested, like,
• 46:35
  Speaker 4: ain't nothing wrong with my.
• 46:36
  Speaker 2: Kid, people ain't gonna see my kid on.
• 46:38
  Speaker 4: Exactly my kid is not and that doesn't even mean that,
• 46:41
  Speaker 4: or people not gonna see my kid in this classroom
• 46:42
  Speaker 4: with less kids, or nothing's wrong with my kids.
• 46:45
  Speaker 3: But meanwhile, your kid can't your kid can't do three to.
• 46:47
  Speaker 2: Your math your kid is suffering.
• 46:50
  Speaker 3: You get what I'm saying.
• 46:50
  Speaker 4: So I want people to know, like, if people don't
• 46:53
  Speaker 4: take nothing away from this episode, you know, of course
• 46:55
  Speaker 4: I want people to follow me and follow my podcast
• 46:57
  Speaker 4: and definitely come out for the events and look out
• 46:59
  Speaker 4: for all the things that were happening.
• 47:00
  Speaker 3: But I want people to know that.
• 47:01
  Speaker 4: It is okay to seek resources for your mental health.
• 47:04
  Speaker 4: It is okay if your kid is going through something
• 47:07
  Speaker 4: and they need mental health services, if they need to
• 47:10
  Speaker 4: be diagnosed, if they have any learning disabilities, all these
• 47:13
  Speaker 4: things are okay to seek helpful And I think that
• 47:15
  Speaker 4: once as a community, especially like the black community, we
• 47:18
  Speaker 4: get past that because the people that are suffering the
• 47:21
  Speaker 4: most mental health is minority. So I want people to
• 47:23
  Speaker 4: know that, and we are the people who seek resources
• 47:25
  Speaker 4: the least. So I want people to definitely know that.
• 47:28
  Speaker 4: But I want people to take that first step to
• 47:30
  Speaker 4: kind of say, like, I need some type of support.
• 47:32
  Speaker 4: It's not working because what stays in this house, where
• 47:34
  Speaker 4: goes on this house, stayed in his house.
• 47:36
  Speaker 3: It's not working no more.
• 47:36
  Speaker 4: We're going through bigger things that we weren't going through
• 47:40
  Speaker 4: in the nineties and the eighties and the nineties. We're
• 47:41
  Speaker 4: going through something that we need. We need something else
• 47:44
  Speaker 4: because this isn't working. It's not working anymore. So I
• 47:47
  Speaker 4: want people to know that it's okay to seek services
• 47:49
  Speaker 4: for mental health.
• 47:49
  Speaker 1: Shout out to Charlotte Maagine for his Mental Health Explorer
• 47:52
  Speaker 1: every year. It's definitely needed. We need more people to
• 47:56
  Speaker 1: step up and be advocates at I want to be
• 47:59
  Speaker 1: a mental health advocate. I want to be a street
• 48:02
  Speaker 1: victim like gun violence advocate. I feel like it's way
• 48:05
  Speaker 1: more I should be doing that. I'm not doing that.
• 48:08
  Speaker 1: I really had to check myself to sit and say,
• 48:10
  Speaker 1: like I have a second I have the opportunity to
• 48:14
  Speaker 1: have this second chance to just save the.
• 48:17
  Speaker 2: World, and I'm gonna do it. And know a lot
• 48:20
  Speaker 2: of people it only.
• 48:21
  Speaker 1: Take one minute to just call a person just to
• 48:24
  Speaker 1: check up on them, tell them you love them, check
• 48:27
  Speaker 1: on how you How is your day? Are you okay?
• 48:30
  Speaker 1: Do you need something? Do you need a Sometimes it's
• 48:33
  Speaker 1: not even just money. A person just needs somebody just
• 48:35
  Speaker 1: to listen to them, just to vent. Just take that
• 48:39
  Speaker 1: one minute out your busy day, because when they going,
• 48:41
  Speaker 1: you're gonna wish you you would have done that. Don't
• 48:45
  Speaker 1: And I don't know if they fixed it, whatever the
• 48:49
  Speaker 1: case mean, but that suicide hotline shit is bullshit. I'm
• 48:54
  Speaker 1: gonna be rare with it. I called them numerous times.
• 48:58
  Speaker 1: They had me on a hole for five minutes, Oh
• 49:00
  Speaker 1: my god, for five minutes. Don't you know what I
• 49:03
  Speaker 1: could have done in that five minutes. I'm gonna honestly
• 49:06
  Speaker 1: be rare, like I feel like it's bullshit, and it's
• 49:09
  Speaker 1: like who else probably would have called and didn't get
• 49:12
  Speaker 1: through and checked out.
• 49:14
  Speaker 4: But they also have a platform now. I know, I
• 49:15
  Speaker 4: don't know when you called, but they also have a
• 49:17
  Speaker 4: platform now with since COVID, they have one where you
• 49:20
  Speaker 4: can like text them too if you don't necessarily want.
• 49:22
  Speaker 3: To call it.
• 49:23
  Speaker 2: That's way before the texting because they.
• 49:25
  Speaker 4: Have one now you can call in and you can
• 49:27
  Speaker 4: like this, and they have platforms where you can absolutely
• 49:29
  Speaker 4: like text them and they will sit and text you back.
• 49:32
  Speaker 1: It wasn't not when I was there because I ain't
• 49:34
  Speaker 1: gonna lie. So they doing better because I ain't gonna lie.
• 49:36
  Speaker 1: It's like when I was going through. I was going through,
• 49:37
  Speaker 1: I didn't want to call nobody and put my problems
• 49:40
  Speaker 1: on nobody.
• 49:41
  Speaker 2: I caught sirih I said called suicide. They called it.
• 49:45
  Speaker 2: I ain't need no number, no nothing. And I'm on
• 49:47
  Speaker 2: the phone and I'm just sitting there this shit. Five minutes.
• 49:49
  Speaker 1: I'm rocking back and forth and I'm crying cause it's
• 49:51
  Speaker 1: like I'm at the edge of really hurting myself to
• 49:55
  Speaker 1: really checking out five fucking minutes. Once the five minutes
• 49:58
  Speaker 1: is over, like I hung up, I said, what the fuck?
• 50:02
  Speaker 1: They got me on hold for so long for I
• 50:04
  Speaker 1: started listen to rod Wave and all that.
• 50:06
  Speaker 2: I started feeling better. Then I realized the music is
• 50:08
  Speaker 2: like therapy.
• 50:08
  Speaker 1: The therapy, I go, I turn the showers on, not
• 50:11
  Speaker 1: going to shower, I let the showers run on me.
• 50:13
  Speaker 3: Did you did you know that music therapy is the
• 50:16
  Speaker 3: thing too, y'all?
• 50:17
  Speaker 2: I know? Okay, yeah, I had.
• 50:19
  Speaker 1: I had a therapist a couple of years ago, and
• 50:22
  Speaker 1: we did a session like that on this show and
• 50:25
  Speaker 1: we listened to the song and she said, how did
• 50:26
  Speaker 1: the song make you feel like people understand Ride Wave
• 50:29
  Speaker 1: dark Cloud. I listened to that song and I cried
• 50:32
  Speaker 1: because it's like the ship He's saying it represents my life,
• 50:36
  Speaker 1: and it's like it hit to me, like when he
• 50:39
  Speaker 1: said he they gotta pray for what he did to me,
• 50:42
  Speaker 1: like he got they gotta pray what they did. That
• 50:44
  Speaker 1: ship sticks with me like he got a he gotta
• 50:48
  Speaker 1: pay for what he did to me. But once I
• 50:50
  Speaker 1: let that ship go and I forgave the shooter and
• 50:53
  Speaker 1: I forgave myself, life became better. But that's what's how
• 50:58
  Speaker 1: I was so pissed off. I called him twice and
• 51:00
  Speaker 1: I was on hold for a long ass time, and
• 51:02
  Speaker 1: I said it there. I said, damn, what if that
• 51:06
  Speaker 1: that person that wasn't as strong as me was on
• 51:08
  Speaker 1: this on this shit for five minutes and checked out?
• 51:11
  Speaker 2: Right now, y'all want to fill up the phone and
• 51:12
  Speaker 2: say hello, are you there on another line? Y'all? Bullshit?
• 51:15
  Speaker 2: We gotta do better. Yeah, I'm gonna start my own
• 51:17
  Speaker 2: fucking hotline.
• 51:18
  Speaker 4: It's definitely like I said, it's definitely other platforms and
• 51:20
  Speaker 4: stuff that you could put and let people know about.
• 51:22
  Speaker 3: But that's also important.
• 51:23
  Speaker 4: But I think I'm glad you did talk about that,
• 51:26
  Speaker 4: because it's all different kinds of therapy, not just traditional.
• 51:28
  Speaker 4: When you come and you said, some people you gotta
• 51:30
  Speaker 4: find a therapist that works for you. Some people do
• 51:32
  Speaker 4: music therapy. It's all different types of therapy. Right, So
• 51:35
  Speaker 4: some people able to express itself to the music, some
• 51:37
  Speaker 4: people do the traditional music music.
• 51:40
  Speaker 3: It's group therapy. It's all types of therapy out there,
• 51:42
  Speaker 3: so I don't want people to.
• 51:43
  Speaker 2: Think it's just one way, the group therapy with the
• 51:44
  Speaker 2: blonde people.
• 51:45
  Speaker 3: Yeah, they have group therapy.
• 51:46
  Speaker 4: We specializing in people who you know, who suffer from
• 51:49
  Speaker 4: some type of trauma. They'll have, you know, different kinds
• 51:53
  Speaker 4: that address whatever you're going through mentally. And I think
• 51:56
  Speaker 4: it's important to find that the therapy that works for you,
• 51:59
  Speaker 4: and to find that the group that works for you
• 52:01
  Speaker 4: or the therapist that works for you. And it may
• 52:03
  Speaker 4: not be easy the first time. You may take you
• 52:04
  Speaker 4: a couple of chances, you know, a couple tries until
• 52:06
  Speaker 4: you find somebody. But it's definitely somebody out there for you.
• 52:09
  Speaker 1: So before we get out of here, right, just telling
• 52:13
  Speaker 1: people about the podcast. Why is it important to follow
• 52:18
  Speaker 1: the podcast? Why is it important to I lock into
• 52:21
  Speaker 1: your page, the updates, everything, give it.
• 52:24
  Speaker 2: I give the.
• 52:25
  Speaker 1: World who doctor Fell, the underscore, line one, and everything
• 52:30
  Speaker 1: else going on in just tell the world.
• 52:33
  Speaker 3: So you gotta put it on you definitely gotta put
• 52:34
  Speaker 3: it on the podcast so people could be failing.
• 52:36
  Speaker 2: We definitely gonna do it.
• 52:37
  Speaker 4: It's important to like to share and cut your notifications
• 52:41
  Speaker 4: on just because we're gonna be having really really big
• 52:43
  Speaker 4: events coming up, especially in twenty twenty five. The podcast
• 52:46
  Speaker 4: is going to drop in twenty twenty five. I'm planning
• 52:47
  Speaker 4: on having a big event where I want people to
• 52:49
  Speaker 4: come out. It's also important because up there I'll be
• 52:52
  Speaker 4: giving tips about mental health me personally. So it's kind
• 52:55
  Speaker 4: of like I get a little free game, little free therapy, right,
• 52:58
  Speaker 4: but I'll be up there giving tips about to manage
• 53:00
  Speaker 4: the mental wealth, definitely providing resources, which is extremely important
• 53:03
  Speaker 4: to people. Like I said, we're gonna have events, the
• 53:06
  Speaker 4: podcast is gonna be dropping, We're gonna have special guests,
• 53:08
  Speaker 4: and we're gonna aim I'm trying to.
• 53:10
  Speaker 3: Target all audiences.
• 53:11
  Speaker 4: So when I speak about mental health, I'm not only
• 53:13
  Speaker 4: I'm not only talking about people who are struggling with
• 53:16
  Speaker 4: anxiety depression, but I'm talking about mothers who are struggling
• 53:19
  Speaker 4: with postpartum I'm talking about people who went through traumatic
• 53:22
  Speaker 4: events and are struggling.
• 53:23
  Speaker 3: I'm speaking about people who don't want.
• 53:24
  Speaker 4: To go to therapy and are against it and are
• 53:27
  Speaker 4: there to say listen be I'm against it. I'm speaking
• 53:30
  Speaker 4: about people who are successful in their own way, whether
• 53:33
  Speaker 4: it's day to day living nine to five, and expressing
• 53:35
  Speaker 4: to me how they're able to manage their mental health too.
• 53:38
  Speaker 4: So I think the podcast is going to be so
• 53:41
  Speaker 4: dope because I'm going to have a range of people.
• 53:43
  Speaker 4: It's not just gonna be one targeted audience. It's going
• 53:45
  Speaker 4: to be like, you're gonna be able to say, oh wow,
• 53:47
  Speaker 4: I'm going through that, Oh oh why I went through that?
• 53:50
  Speaker 4: And I want that for us. I want that for
• 53:52
  Speaker 4: our community. I want you to be able to connect
• 53:54
  Speaker 4: with me at events. I want you to show up
• 53:56
  Speaker 4: to these mental health events and get the resources I'm
• 53:59
  Speaker 4: here to spread and tell you where I can go.
• 54:01
  Speaker 2: I never had a question.
• 54:02
  Speaker 4: Chris to be there, right, He'll be there, no.
• 54:09
  Speaker 3: Blarge step there.
• 54:13
  Speaker 4: And I also think, you know, it'll be a way
• 54:15
  Speaker 4: for people to connect with me. I think like for
• 54:16
  Speaker 4: other black women who are interested in becoming doctors. I
• 54:20
  Speaker 4: know I have people who reached out to me and
• 54:22
  Speaker 4: asked me about the process, and I share my information privately,
• 54:25
  Speaker 4: but now I want to put it out publicly, like
• 54:27
  Speaker 4: this is what you do?
• 54:30
  Speaker 1: Question, can't answer it and all that you can. I
• 54:32
  Speaker 1: got she'd be nice to y'all because she's not nice.
• 54:35
  Speaker 3: I am nice to you.
• 54:36
  Speaker 4: I want to I'm gonna be nice and I'm definitely
• 54:38
  Speaker 4: gonna get you out a game. And I feel like
• 54:39
  Speaker 4: that's important because nobody gave me the game. The game
• 54:41
  Speaker 4: or how how you could become a doctor?
• 54:43
  Speaker 3: What you have to do? What is the steps you
• 54:44
  Speaker 3: have to do?
• 54:44
  Speaker 4: You could take this route, you could take that that route,
• 54:47
  Speaker 4: and I kind of figured it out as I went along.
• 54:49
  Speaker 4: So anybody who's who see me and be like, oh,
• 54:52
  Speaker 4: I want to go to school and I want to
• 54:53
  Speaker 4: be a clinical psychologist or I want to be a
• 54:55
  Speaker 4: school psychologist. I'm gonna tell you how you could do it,
• 54:57
  Speaker 4: where you should look, where you should start. I'm not
• 54:58
  Speaker 4: having no game from game from our people anymore. I'm
• 55:01
  Speaker 4: giving the information. So it's important that you guys follow me.
• 55:04
  Speaker 4: I'm on Instagram at doctor d r period feld Underscore
• 55:09
  Speaker 4: on underscore line Underscore one because doctor felders always online one.
• 55:13
  Speaker 2: So all right, forgot it? What got to say?
• 55:19
  Speaker 3: Man?
• 55:19
  Speaker 5: I think you did great. I think this is amazing.
• 55:21
  Speaker 5: I'm looking forward to listening to your podcast.
• 55:23
  Speaker 1: Oh thank you Oh no, I see a connection with
• 55:25
  Speaker 1: the halfway up because you know Wilf you're talking.
• 55:27
  Speaker 2: I mean, man could do something like he like a doctor.
• 55:31
  Speaker 2: Umar heard. I'm just saying, you say he like a doctor.
• 55:35
  Speaker 2: I might need.
• 55:35
  Speaker 4: Wolf to come sit down and talk to me about
• 55:37
  Speaker 4: some mental health and what's going on.
• 55:38
  Speaker 3: We got to talk about some stuff that's going on.
• 55:40
  Speaker 3: I'm here for it.
• 55:41
  Speaker 1: You know, we'll be saying some words about the dictionary
• 55:43
  Speaker 1: and all that shit. You know, it's like y'all going
• 55:46
  Speaker 1: back and forth because on the couch there like this
• 55:49
  Speaker 1: in the house and all that ship.
• 55:50
  Speaker 2: But let's not forget.
• 55:53
  Speaker 1: For the love of blond poppy, Yes, for the love
• 55:56
  Speaker 1: of blond poppy, ladies, Blahni NYC and me, we set
• 56:02
  Speaker 1: up you setting up some auditions.
• 56:04
  Speaker 2: Oh, Brando, we need Melly to sponsor the podcast for.
• 56:08
  Speaker 1: The Wow putting me on the spot the sponsor for
• 56:14
  Speaker 1: the love of Blonde Poppy.
• 56:16
  Speaker 3: Wow.
• 56:16
  Speaker 1: You got the restaurant will so tell them to bring
• 56:18
  Speaker 1: the food in. They are calling for that.
• 56:20
  Speaker 4: I'm gonna give them a shot because they're one of
• 56:22
  Speaker 4: my favorite restaurants right now in Brooklyn. So go check
• 56:24
  Speaker 4: out Brooklyn Residency. Then Bedsty gratefuld great bunch on a Sunday.
• 56:32
  Speaker 3: You put me on the spot.
• 56:33
  Speaker 4: I'm gonna definitely connect y'all so that you can do
• 56:35
  Speaker 4: y'all thing and see see what y'all can do here.
• 56:38
  Speaker 3: I think I'll do amazing things.
• 56:39
  Speaker 1: But shout out to podcast. Yeah we got some work
• 56:43
  Speaker 1: coming up. But for the lover of Blonde Poppy, definitely, ladies,
• 56:47
  Speaker 1: if you needed some sexy chocolate.
• 56:49
  Speaker 2: You know Nick his.
• 56:50
  Speaker 3: Lips like l l oh, God, Now this is a love.
• 56:55
  Speaker 2: I could sing a tune or two, you know, make
• 56:57
  Speaker 2: it like damn.
• 56:59
  Speaker 1: His touch is just that touch tap into for the
• 57:03
  Speaker 1: love Blonde Poppy.
• 57:04
  Speaker 2: You know I got my dog wolf producing. You want
• 57:07
  Speaker 2: to pick some girls? Can you know my type?
• 57:09
  Speaker 3: I am not. I am not. I want to be health.
• 57:14
  Speaker 2: I love all women. You feel me, dumb, show it,
• 57:20
  Speaker 2: dick body, yady yachties.
• 57:25
  Speaker 4: That's enough my heart. Every I just want to do
• 57:29
  Speaker 4: mental health. I just want to help people. I want
• 57:32
  Speaker 4: to do I want to do mental health.
• 57:34
  Speaker 3: I don't want to I don't want to play connecting,
• 57:36
  Speaker 3: dating connecting.
• 57:37
  Speaker 4: I don't want to do it or not. I don't
• 57:39
  Speaker 4: want to play love doctor. I just want to be doctor.
• 57:41
  Speaker 4: Feather online one.
• 57:42
  Speaker 2: That's it.
• 57:42
  Speaker 1: But you know where you can find me at Blonde
• 57:45
  Speaker 1: and I see n y s each and every Wednesdays.
• 57:48
  Speaker 2: We dropping that heat before we can follow you at.
• 57:51
  Speaker 5: You can find me an underscore wolf Taylor at the
• 57:53
  Speaker 5: Halfway Up podcast from somewhere saying some ship all the time.
• 57:58
  Speaker 1: Still a wait for that invitation and follow my new page,
• 58:02
  Speaker 1: the official Underscore Blond Stepper, be going up, be going viral.
• 58:05
  Speaker 1: I'm showing y'all my everyday life data and check out
• 58:09
  Speaker 1: to get the the merch coming soon. That that blah
• 58:12
  Speaker 1: blah see merch coming soon, b b b. Let you
• 58:15
  Speaker 1: know where you could get that from. And we're just
• 58:18
  Speaker 1: gonna leave on. Tell a friend, tell a friend, turn
• 58:22
  Speaker 1: your mental health into mental wealth, and we out of here,
• 58:26
  Speaker 1: Blond Stepper