Latest / Start Your Comeback: Rebuilding after Divorce, Empty Nest, and Loss of Spouse / Symphony of Parenting: Secrets to Successful Co-Parenting and Single Parenthood Support

Transcript

Symphony of Parenting: Secrets to Successful Co-Parenting and Single Parenthood Support · Start Your Comeback: Rebuilding after Divorce, Empty Nest, and Loss of Spouse

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Is there a major life transition benching you?
• 0:02
  Speaker 1: I know you may be asking what's next?
• 0:06
  Speaker 1: What's my purpose?
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: What if?
• 0:08
  Speaker 1: Because I've asked those too.
• 0:11
  Speaker 1: Welcome to the Start your Comeback Podcast.
• 0:14
  Speaker 1: I'm Toni Thrash, a certified life coach, and I want to share the tools and practical steps to help you create a winning game plan to move into your new adventure.
• 0:25
  Speaker 1: Hi, welcome back.
• 0:57
  Speaker 1: You are listening to episode 73.
• 1:01
  Speaker 1: For the last couple of weeks, if you've been listening, I've been talking about parenting through divorce.
• 1:06
  Speaker 1: I talked about being consistent with your kids and how important that is.
• 1:12
  Speaker 1: That's episode 71.
• 1:14
  Speaker 1: Last week, in episode 72, I discussed avoiding the trash talking about your ex in front of your kids.
• 1:21
  Speaker 1: This week is such an important topic and I can't stress it enough.
• 1:26
  Speaker 1: Please know how difficult this is to do, but it is so important, not just for you as a parent, but more importantly, for your children.
• 1:39
  Speaker 1: We just don't realize that children transition every few days to a different home.
• 1:44
  Speaker 1: The questions they ask are sincere, like I want to see dad, but it's not his turn to have them.
• 1:53
  Speaker 1: What do you do?
• 1:54
  Speaker 1: Maybe they want to see their dog that they miss, or maybe they want to sleep in their own bed and they ask why they can't.
• 2:02
  Speaker 1: This step has a very fine line and one that is important not to cross.
• 2:08
  Speaker 1: First, let me acknowledge I know you, as a parent, have needs, concerns, fears and worries.
• 2:15
  Speaker 1: I am not talking about putting yourself on a shelf to be dealt with later Quite the opposite.
• 2:22
  Speaker 1: But it will sound like this this is not a do this or else statement, but one that includes the best and healthy choices for you and, most importantly, your children at this time.
• 2:35
  Speaker 1: These next few steps will require a quiet determination and an all-in mindset.
• 2:43
  Speaker 1: As a parent, you want the pain of the divorce and the feelings that they're having not to force its way into their heart permanently.
• 2:53
  Speaker 1: As your children transition from home to home, it can be dicey understanding all the emotions and anxiety it causes as they do this.
• 3:03
  Speaker 1: This is a normal occurrence when you share custody of your children.
• 3:08
  Speaker 1: Please know you can add increased anxiety and stress, or you can instill a peaceful re entry.
• 3:17
  Speaker 1: Here are my top 10 things to ensure the emotional stability of your children.
• 3:24
  Speaker 1: To ensure the emotional stability of your children, the first one do not in any way make your child feel guilty about wanting to see their other parent.
• 3:32
  Speaker 1: Don't say I wish you didn't have to go to their other parent.
• 3:37
  Speaker 1: Regardless of how you feel, your children need to see their other parent Sometimes, even if it's inconvenient.
• 3:46
  Speaker 1: Number two make sure that you have a schedule that works for both you and the other parent and, if you can be flexible, that helps your children even more.
• 4:00
  Speaker 1: They do not need to feel like they are a burden.
• 4:03
  Speaker 1: They do not need to be put in the middle.
• 4:07
  Speaker 1: Number three do everything in your power to make sure they have two of everything.
• 4:13
  Speaker 1: Yes, you heard that right Two of everything, one at each parent's house School supplies, clothes, toothbrushes, favorite toys, blankets, etc.
• 4:25
  Speaker 1: This will ensure, or at least ensure there will be fewer trips back and forth because they forgot something.
• 4:33
  Speaker 1: Number four if they are old enough for school, then make sure they have a designated spot to do homework with the fewest distractions.
• 4:42
  Speaker 1: This is imperative.
• 4:44
  Speaker 1: When your children return to you, don't pummel them with a thousand questions.
• 4:52
  Speaker 1: Give them some space.
• 4:53
  Speaker 1: Have their favorite snack or meal ready or, if they're a teenager, just give them some alone time to process.
• 5:01
  Speaker 1: Make your home welcoming and peaceful so when they walk in the door they feel at home.
• 5:07
  Speaker 1: I promise after a couple of hours they will break down everything that happened over the weekend and tell you everything.
• 5:18
  Speaker 1: Number six be consistent in your rules.
• 5:20
  Speaker 1: I'm sure I said this in episode 71, but the rules may be different at the other parent's home, but you need to maintain your schedule.
• 5:30
  Speaker 1: But you need to maintain your schedule.
• 5:32
  Speaker 1: It's so hard to do, but in the long run your children will be adjusted to these rules.
• 5:39
  Speaker 1: It can be confusing at times and they may struggle, but just remember, maintain your consistency.
• 5:49
  Speaker 1: It is okay to do things different than is happening at the other parent's house.
• 5:53
  Speaker 1: Your rules, your consistency, are your rules and consistency.
• 5:59
  Speaker 1: Number seven keep a calendar with all their activities listed on it so they can see what is ahead.
• 6:06
  Speaker 1: Put it where they're going to see it every day.
• 6:09
  Speaker 1: Maybe it's on the refrigerator door at eye level.
• 6:12
  Speaker 1: Maybe it's a calendar on their bathroom door or their bathroom mirror or wherever they're going to see it on the daily basis.
• 6:21
  Speaker 1: While they are in your home, make sure you share this calendar with your co-parent so everyone has the opportunity to be on the same page.
• 6:32
  Speaker 1: Then there is minimal miscommunication.
• 6:37
  Speaker 1: This way your children at least have a visual of what's happening and when.
• 6:45
  Speaker 1: Number eight do not let your children be your counselor, because often children will be worried about a parent and then take on the role of trying to fix whatever needs fixing.
• 6:58
  Speaker 1: That is not their job.
• 7:00
  Speaker 1: It is your job to make sure you are healthy and getting whatever therapy you need.
• 7:06
  Speaker 1: Please, above all else, let your children be children.
• 7:10
  Speaker 1: Number nine it is best to keep open lines of communication with your co-parent.
• 7:18
  Speaker 1: It may prove to be difficult depending on your circumstances, but it is so important that you don't hide information from them.
• 7:29
  Speaker 1: Better to disagree than to feel lied to.
• 7:34
  Speaker 1: Number 10, please assure your children.
• 7:38
  Speaker 1: It's not their fault.
• 7:39
  Speaker 1: Remember they are children and did not ask to live in separate homes.
• 7:43
  Speaker 1: Remember to remind them they are loved by both of you.
• 7:47
  Speaker 1: It's so important that you carry the burden of the divorce so your children don't have to add that to their shoulders.
• 7:55
  Speaker 1: Maintaining open communication, setting consistent routines and putting your differences aside in front of the children can ensure their emotional well-being.
• 8:07
  Speaker 1: Now, this doesn't mean that they don't need to go to therapy.
• 8:10
  Speaker 1: They may need therapy too.
• 8:11
  Speaker 1: Whatever the case may be, I just need you to hear this You're doing a great job as a single parent, doing your best to try to keep the lines of communication open and work toward the emotional stability of your children.
• 8:27
  Speaker 1: Please hear me say great job, keep doing it.
• 8:32
  Speaker 1: Well, that's it for this week.
• 8:34
  Speaker 1: Join me next week as I continue the symphony of parenting as I discuss what in the world do we do with a Disneyland parent?
• 8:43
  Speaker 1: I promise you won't want to miss this.
• 8:45
  Speaker 1: I'll see you next time.
• 8:47
  Speaker 1: Hey, thanks for listening.
• 8:49
  Speaker 1: I don't take it for granted that you're here.
• 8:51
  Speaker 1: You didn't listen by mistake.
• 8:53
  Speaker 1: If you want to reach out, you can DM me on Instagram at Tony Thrash Until next week.
• 9:00
  Speaker 1: Remember, there's still time left on the clock.
• 9:03
  Speaker 1: Let's get you off the bench to start your comeback.
• 9:06
  Speaker 1: I want to give a special shout out to Country Club for the original music.
• 9:10
  Speaker 1: You can find them on Instagram at Country Club.