Latest / The Habit Lab / Episode 64: From Hustle to Trust- habits of provision

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Episode 64: From Hustle to Trust- habits of provision · The Habit Lab

• 1:08
  Speaker 1: We all have areas in our life we might feel stuck or overwhelmed.
• 1:12
  Speaker 1: So join me, jenna Zint, habit Coach, teacher and Follower of Jesus, as we go after little bits of better by building offensively small habits that create big impact.
• 1:23
  Speaker 1: This is the Habit Lab Podcast.
• 1:25
  Speaker 1: Hello, welcome to Habit Lab.
• 1:43
  Speaker 1: I am Jenna Zint.
• 1:44
  Speaker 1: This episode comes from 2024.
• 1:45
  Speaker 1: No, it's current, it is now 2025.
• 1:46
  Speaker 1: But this was like I feel like it was the big overarching theme of what the Lord was teaching me all of 2024.
• 1:52
  Speaker 1: And you know how like it's almost funny how slow processes are, because I'm still in it.
• 1:58
  Speaker 1: It's not like this arrival point, but anyways.
• 2:02
  Speaker 1: So I'm going to call this episode from hustle to trust and it's just been lessons on provision and I alluded to it, I think, in my over-responsibility podcast a little bit.
• 2:15
  Speaker 1: So I was like I'm going to dive in.
• 2:16
  Speaker 1: But it was just 2024, started the year, and the Lord said that something in my life, like I was trying to get some direction about where to go to do this thing, take this opportunity, sign this deal, like whatever.
• 2:32
  Speaker 1: And then I just felt clearly I didn't hear yes or no, I just heard that this deal was not my provider and I was.
• 2:39
  Speaker 1: You know when you like pray and you really need clear direction, and you're like, okay, and you get.
• 2:45
  Speaker 1: You get, you hear something and you're like, but does that mean yes or does that mean no?
• 2:49
  Speaker 1: And then, and then one week I'd be like it means no.
• 2:52
  Speaker 1: Clearly, right, it means no.
• 2:53
  Speaker 1: And then the next week I'd be like, well, I think it doesn't mean yes.
• 2:56
  Speaker 1: But what if I think it means yes, but it's really because I just want it to happen, but it's a no, and then I'm being disobedient.
• 3:02
  Speaker 1: I don't know if I'm alone in that, but sometimes it's just funny to me when you're seeking something from the Lord and you get what you hear him say but you don't know the application.
• 3:14
  Speaker 1: As we've just been slowly reading the New Testament the last couple of years, I used to think maybe something was I don't know off in me, but I realized how often that's how Jesus answers the Pharisees so often when they ask him questions.
• 3:30
  Speaker 1: And I think it's this multi-dimensional, because a lot of times that word then in this season meant this, and then I could see how it applied over here this way, and then it's almost like when I want it in my human brain to be just one application for this moment, ready, set, go apply immediately.
• 3:49
  Speaker 1: Versus like I think he's just I don't know, even watching how the Bible literally ties into itself and that prophecy from the Old Testament was fulfilled in the Old Testament and then Jesus double fulfilled it when he came in the New Testament and then also maybe there's a potential fulfillment of future events too.
• 4:10
  Speaker 1: And it's like fulfillment of future events too and it's like, oh, your word is not like my ability to hear you or get stuff like directional input from you is not actually what's broken, it is actually how you speak and I think this is multidimensional.
• 4:24
  Speaker 1: So like me not being as impatient or wanting direct application or literalness, like actually holding things a little more open hand and be like okay.
• 4:33
  Speaker 1: So I know that that's the only sure thing that I felt in that season where I was like yes or no, and then I heard that this is not your provider, like cool, but it invited me into this, like slow unfolding, multi-level application, slightly different meaning and different seasons, healing from my past.
• 4:54
  Speaker 1: It was just stunning.
• 4:55
  Speaker 1: So I just love if anyone else feels ever like they get, they ask God for a directional word and they get this like you're like okay, but what?
• 5:03
  Speaker 1: Don't worry, you're not alone.
• 5:05
  Speaker 1: Jesus did it all the time to the Pharisees.
• 5:08
  Speaker 1: I just do.
• 5:08
  Speaker 1: I do think he's just so much more relational.
• 5:10
  Speaker 1: He's not looking for robots.
• 5:11
  Speaker 1: He wants us to like what.
• 5:13
  Speaker 1: Is it the matter of kings to seek out and dig the mysteries out of it?
• 5:18
  Speaker 1: I think it's how we just see the evidence of that too in the Bible, and how many layers and meanings and applications and allegories and numbers there is.
• 5:26
  Speaker 1: So, that being said, the next application that I heard from the Lord about that like this is not your provision was probably a couple weeks later.
• 5:37
  Speaker 1: It was like you actually have counted.
• 5:39
  Speaker 1: This is provision.
• 5:41
  Speaker 1: You are more, I guess, full of faith about something being your provision than me.
• 5:49
  Speaker 1: Like I just kind of started, he started opening my eyes to how much I was, I, my faith in him providing was actually nestled in the opportunities or the deals or the job offers or I don't know, like positions or promotions than it was him Like, and therefore it would be more fickle.
• 6:12
  Speaker 1: Or like my faith wasn't as concrete Cause it was like if they went away or if they changed, I thought this was you, you know, or what did this mean?
• 6:20
  Speaker 1: Did I miss it?
• 6:20
  Speaker 1: Did they miss it.
• 6:21
  Speaker 1: Who's in the wrong?
• 6:22
  Speaker 1: And I just have stopped Like it just set me 2024 on this journey of like oh, actually, like that is evidence that my fate, my like I'm putting my trust in this thing, this job, this opportunity, as my provision, not you.
• 6:36
  Speaker 1: So it just kind of started going like a really almost like an untangling, a ball of like wow, if you would have asked me, do I trust God as my provider, I would have said yes.
• 6:46
  Speaker 1: But when, after 2024, and just slowly, the Holy Spirit kind of showing me different ways, maybe that wasn't as accurate, or how my actions or thought patterns were giving me evidence of a different belief than what the right Christian answer that I would say, or even what my prayers would be, and I realized like, okay, so I said I trusted God as your provider, but actually I had more.
• 7:12
  Speaker 1: So I said I trusted God as your provider, but actually I had more.
• 7:15
  Speaker 1: My trust was more in like my ability to hustle with the opportunity he put before me than it was in like his provision.
• 7:22
  Speaker 1: And I was like, oh my gosh.
• 7:23
  Speaker 1: And it just started.
• 7:24
  Speaker 1: Gosh, it's just been a stunning slow healing, pondering, meditating, watching it pop up again, or or this way or oh, why did I react that way?
• 7:35
  Speaker 1: I'm like, oh, it's the whole provision thing.
• 7:37
  Speaker 1: It was like, how many times in 2024?
• 7:39
  Speaker 1: And circle back to be like, oh yeah, this is that thing you're working on slowly all year long.
• 7:45
  Speaker 1: And I just realized in this that, like, my faith in him as a provider was actually like kind of more when I looked.
• 7:53
  Speaker 1: I would just encourage you, if you ever what you say the right answer is versus your beliefs, your emotions, your reactions, your triggering, like when you get more curious and nuanced, I'm like, oh, actually, I'm like five degrees off here.
• 8:07
  Speaker 1: My like faith is actually I show up more like God as a provider where I am the employee more than I'm the daughter.
• 8:17
  Speaker 1: And that was probably the second half of my 2024 journey of like, oh man, my faith is in his provision of opportunity.
• 8:25
  Speaker 1: Oh, the implication of that mindset is I'm an employee, I'm not a daughter.
• 8:30
  Speaker 1: So I just realized how much that had seeped into.
• 8:35
  Speaker 1: I think it kind of ties, dovetailing it back into the over-responsibility podcast where, like that mindset of it's up to me I have to work harder, I'm owning more than my share.
• 8:45
  Speaker 1: It's obviously my faith and my relationships, but then finances this was kind of what was highlighted specifically last year for me and I just was curious.
• 8:53
  Speaker 1: I was like who out there, like as you're listening, have you ever felt like you're trusting God but actually deep down you're still kind of trying to earn his provision?
• 9:03
  Speaker 1: And I think evidence of this is like the shaky, like uncertainty of if I miss it or don't do the right thing or don't do it quick enough, almost like a scarcity, like I'll miss the opportunity.
• 9:15
  Speaker 1: I think a lot of people I wouldn't have said that I had a scarcity mindset before last year's unpacking with the Lord about this whole, my real beliefs about provision.
• 9:23
  Speaker 1: But I realized my scarcity wasn't that he didn't have all the resources and all the funds.
• 9:29
  Speaker 1: I believed that.
• 9:29
  Speaker 1: But what I did?
• 9:30
  Speaker 1: I had the scarcity mindset like if I don't work hard enough now, in this moment, I might miss the opportunity.
• 9:37
  Speaker 1: Ooh, I feel the Holy Spirit.
• 9:42
  Speaker 1: So actually I'm curious I bet a few of you can relate as you're listening like, oh, maybe you believe he has infinite resources, but your lack mindset is actually in, you're going to miss the window of opportunity.
• 9:51
  Speaker 1: I feel the Holy Spirit like really strong, you guys and I think it was this huge like, oh, I would have told you I did not have a lack mindset, but I realized I did.
• 10:00
  Speaker 1: I had this employee grab it while the going's good, you know strike, while the iron's hot, kind of FOMO urgency.
• 10:10
  Speaker 1: That really fed into my over responsibility as well.
• 10:13
  Speaker 1: But that was like that is such an employee mindset.
• 10:15
  Speaker 1: That is not a daughter.
• 10:17
  Speaker 1: Like a good dad doesn't put his daughter on a hamster wheel with like, earn your dinner or earn my love or earn like if you work hard enough, fast enough to beat this person out of that thing, like actually know what he has meant for me.
• 10:34
  Speaker 1: There is not this like FOMO urgency, lack mentality that I was.
• 10:38
  Speaker 1: That was like really driving some of my work ethic.
• 10:43
  Speaker 1: So as I like dove into this employee versus daughter mindset, I just realized one of the things that the Lord highlighted was like, oh, my trust was in that I believed that he would give me an opportunity for work.
• 10:55
  Speaker 1: Like that was his provision is the opportunity.
• 10:57
  Speaker 1: And then I then had to labor and it was like I don't know how to explain it, but it was like this one for one exchange, His provision or his grace or his blessing was the chance, like the job, but then I would get what I worked for, or however hard I hustled, or, you know, dig deep, like whatever my capacity was, and at one point I was like, oh, like the Lord just was like.
• 11:20
  Speaker 1: That sounds so much more like a paycheck and that idea of a provider is like you have me as a boss, not a dad, and I'm thinking like have me as a boss, not a dad, and I'm thinking like I was thinking of God as a boss who provides based on my hustle, and I was like, oh, my gosh, you're right.
• 11:40
  Speaker 1: Employees get one for one the hour they work, they clock in, they get what they work minus taxes and whatever else comes out of your paycheck.
• 11:49
  Speaker 1: But it's this like paycheck exchange which is not as relational.
• 11:53
  Speaker 1: There's an element of relationship and trust and provision, but it is not the same as like.
• 11:59
  Speaker 1: Sometimes I would just have to imagine like what if I had I don't know one of those million like bazillionaire dads who literally like an actual physical dad in the natural who was good and kind and generous and literally had no lack and had all the resources and anything I want, he would be excited.
• 14:03
  Speaker 1: You know, of course, in my best interest to give it to me.
• 14:05
  Speaker 1: Would that be the same as an employee?
• 14:09
  Speaker 1: And I just could see how different of trust in his provide provision would be when I'm how I would go expecting a boss's provision versus a dad's provision.
• 14:22
  Speaker 1: And I was like, oh, I have been like so off here.
• 14:27
  Speaker 1: And then two, I kind of realized in this employee mentality that I had with interacting with God as a provider, my faith was actually kind of rooted in my work ethic, more like I will hustle, I will grind, I'm gonna be the first one there, I'm gonna be the last one to leave, I'll do the hard things, like even frankly, on some level it was became my high capacity, my over responsibility, became a badge of honor for a bit.
• 14:52
  Speaker 1: And then I've worked through it.
• 14:52
  Speaker 1: But I didn't realize how my faith really was in my work ethic, more than God's identity.
• 14:58
  Speaker 1: And and I was like, ooh, I have more faith in my ability to hustle than him as a generous benevolent, not just getting what I earned but blessing me because of who he is, not what I've done.
• 15:13
  Speaker 1: And this, this all sounds like, yeah, you've heard it before, but I just, if you sit and chew on it with your own life and be like, ooh, do I actually think when I'm praying for something like I get that not everyone has this struggle.
• 15:26
  Speaker 1: I think more those of us who are in over responsibility, maybe, who had um, who are more naturally like shame, shame, on the shame spectrum.
• 15:35
  Speaker 1: I think other people, like my husband, would tend to be more on the blame spectrum.
• 15:38
  Speaker 1: So I get that not everyone would relate to this mindset.
• 15:43
  Speaker 1: But I was like, oh, I am so deep in this.
• 15:46
  Speaker 1: This is why I'm such a hard worker.
• 15:48
  Speaker 1: Yes, I see the value in it.
• 15:50
  Speaker 1: But then also, when I started looking at my work ethic because again I realized my faith was in my work ethic more than it was in God's identity I was like what is in my motivation?
• 16:01
  Speaker 1: Sometimes I think of it like looking in my tank and I'm like what is in this motivation for being a hard worker?
• 16:06
  Speaker 1: And I'm like, oh, part of me feels like it's never enough.
• 16:10
  Speaker 1: Part of me is afraid of missing an opportunity.
• 16:13
  Speaker 1: And then there's another part of me that feels like I'm always behind and that was like that big shift, like I said, with the lack mindset of like, oh, some of my work ethic is not just purely beautifully motivated, it's actually lack fear motivated and that was just kind of eye opening for me, like, okay, so flip switching from an employee.
• 16:34
  Speaker 1: So I was like, okay, that's what an employee shows up and that's how an employee interacts with their provider.
• 16:39
  Speaker 1: Who's a boss?
• 16:39
  Speaker 1: What would a daughter like act, interact or expect her dad to?
• 16:45
  Speaker 1: And I was like, well, daughters don't just, don't just get what they earn.
• 16:49
  Speaker 1: Like I had to, like I could actually get.
• 16:52
  Speaker 1: Oh, I feel teary.
• 16:53
  Speaker 1: I'm like he could give me something that I did nothing for and I I just haven't experienced that.
• 16:59
  Speaker 1: That wasn't.
• 17:00
  Speaker 1: I'll tell you a little story about my childhood in a second.
• 17:02
  Speaker 1: But I was like I actually feel like just a sense of compassion, of like I don't know what that's like.
• 17:09
  Speaker 1: I've never been in a season of life where or had someone who just gave me what I didn't earn, people who had affinity or affection for me or had blessed me it's probably because I'd really hustled or served them in some way and then they repaid me.
• 17:25
  Speaker 1: Maybe it was more than I deserve, maybe there's some generosity in there, but this idea that an actual daughter understands the provision of her dad where she didn't earn it, and I was like it almost felt wrong to me.
• 17:36
  Speaker 1: I'm like, well, that's where laziness lives and how could you be a good steward and all these things.
• 17:41
  Speaker 1: And I felt like if any of you have those natural hesitations while you're listening, I think if you're healing from being an employee like your relationship with God, from the employee mindset like I'm describing, who is over responsible and has more faith in your hustle than you know like, and you're a super hard worker, that it's almost like someone who's never drank being afraid of being an alcoholic.
• 18:03
  Speaker 1: It's like so far on the other end of the spectrum.
• 18:04
  Speaker 1: So I just invite you to just be curious about what you think and feel and what arises in you.
• 18:09
  Speaker 1: If you like, play with these ideas.
• 18:10
  Speaker 1: Um, because I was actually almost afraid of like well, that's going to give me permission to be lazy.
• 18:14
  Speaker 1: And then what does stewardship look like?
• 18:17
  Speaker 1: And responsibility and the the Lord's like whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
• 18:20
  Speaker 1: You're being a martyr over here and you're not actually living in the fullness.
• 18:24
  Speaker 1: If you get over on that and we can adjust you there, I'm not actually afraid of you overcompensating.
• 18:29
  Speaker 1: I just want you to get out of this little self-made jail that you're living in.
• 18:32
  Speaker 1: I'm like okay, okay.
• 18:34
  Speaker 1: So a daughter mentality of expecting a generous dad who gives out of love, not out of a paycheck of what I've earned.
• 18:42
  Speaker 1: And then also to me.
• 18:44
  Speaker 1: I feel a little teary.
• 18:46
  Speaker 1: A father doesn't dock your pay when you mess up, and that was something that, like even when I would pray for.
• 18:53
  Speaker 1: You know, our finances have been all over the place since my Turbans for Tots business shut down and a lot of my mentality or questions I was asking at the beginning were like what did I do wrong to get this?
• 19:03
  Speaker 1: Where did I miss it?
• 19:05
  Speaker 1: And then, when we were praying for provision in this next season, I was like I would have these resistance in my head pop up, of like.
• 19:12
  Speaker 1: But I don't know if you deserve it because you didn't do well, or I can tell you how you messed up or you overspend or you're not great on a budget, or could he actually trust he gives to who he trusts?
• 19:24
  Speaker 1: I don't know that he can trust you like this mentality.
• 19:26
  Speaker 1: And at some point the Lord was just showing me he was like a father that's more of an employee boss mentality than a daughter or dad as a provider.
• 19:35
  Speaker 1: And I don't again, it's not because you deserve it or you earn it, it's because of who I am and I don't punish you or I don't dock your pay when you make a mistake.
• 19:45
  Speaker 1: I actually invite you into a learning process and I'm not afraid of your free will.
• 19:52
  Speaker 1: And it's not like three strikes and you're fired, like there is this like tentative nature of if I make too many mistakes it's all gone and that's just not how a dad works, shows up.
• 19:59
  Speaker 1: So just to me it was like this deep, like wow, the evidence, when I was like walking back, what does an employee mindset look like for someone who knows their provider aka their boss, and what does a daughter mindset look like for someone who knows their provider aka their dad?
• 20:13
  Speaker 1: And I was like I am so deep in boss-employee relationship with the Lord, like wow.
• 20:20
  Speaker 1: And then just thinking more about the dad and it's his provisions because of who he is, not because what, how hard I worked, not because I stayed up late that one night and didn't miss that opportunity and got the email in, then got the provision, then got the special promotion, you know all the things like there's not a lack of provision, there's not an, it's not just simply based on what I earn, like that was some of when we were like when you read the Old Testament, and it's like their crop produced a 30, 60, 100 fold.
• 20:48
  Speaker 1: I was like, oh, that's like, daughter, return the one for one, the clock in and you get what you earned is an employee, but the generosity of a dad and you can actually see the math how it pans out.
• 21:00
  Speaker 1: It's not a one for one in daughtership.
• 21:02
  Speaker 1: And I was like, oh, okay, that's because who you are.
• 21:05
  Speaker 1: And even cool, like for me, when I was reading I don't remember where in the Old Testament I was reading that and was watching the you know man, I can't remember, but it was like they got 30 fold one year and then 60 fold and a hundred fold and then it was like every.
• 21:18
  Speaker 1: Therefore, everyone around them knew that whatever Old Testament guy's name was was blessed by the Lord and the Lord was with them and they saw the goodness of the Lord.
• 21:28
  Speaker 1: Like all these things of like, it revealed his generosity, revealed God's nature, not the person's nature, because I did think I have a fear of like, almost like an employee has a fear of getting too much because you might stand out and then you know whatever.
• 21:42
  Speaker 1: But a daughter like the idea that a daughter is because of who my dad is like any provision or generosity to get, not because of who I am.
• 21:50
  Speaker 1: It just kind of relieves that.
• 21:52
  Speaker 1: And the other day the reason this podcast actually came out is the other day I have been thinking you know, this has just been a year long process with the Lord.
• 22:00
  Speaker 1: Sometimes, you know, when you hear people and they share things like pastors, you like you're like, wow, god told you all that in a day or an afternoon or a week this is like a year process of walks.
• 22:12
  Speaker 1: And then, recognizing my resistance and my fears when things would happen, I was like, oh, I think that's more of the lesson.
• 22:18
  Speaker 1: Of God is my provider and I'm not an employee and I'm a daughter, and what would a daughter show up as?
• 22:22
  Speaker 1: That's kind of just what I would say.
• 22:25
  Speaker 1: Like, if you're recognizing, you landed with me more on the employee mindset of provision for the Lord versus the daughter mindset, like just increasing your awareness when there's a need for provision, what does your faith look like?
• 22:37
  Speaker 1: Is it an employee mentality or is it a daughter?
• 22:39
  Speaker 1: And then, if you notice it's employee more often, be like, okay, what would it?
• 22:43
  Speaker 1: Why is this employee?
• 22:45
  Speaker 1: And like, think through it, like maybe the flaws in your logic when you actually vocalize it or follow the lead of oh yeah, that's clearly employee when I look behind the curtain.
• 22:54
  Speaker 1: But then if?
• 22:55
  Speaker 1: Then I asked myself, I would ask myself, like what is?
• 22:58
  Speaker 1: What would a daughter think like in this scenario If I had a daughter, if I was the daughter of a trillionaire?
• 23:02
  Speaker 1: Think like in this scenario, if I was the daughter of a trillionaire, what would she look like, think, expect, and it just like slowly started shifting me.
• 23:09
  Speaker 1: So it was not this one and done, it was not this hour encounter.
• 23:19
  Speaker 1: It's been a year of this process for me and the other day, on Saturday, I was driving and I saw one of my first cars.
• 23:24
  Speaker 1: I had a white Honda Accord 2001.
• 23:26
  Speaker 1: I bought it.
• 23:29
  Speaker 1: It was the first one that I bought with a loan.
• 23:31
  Speaker 1: I bought it for like $6,000.
• 23:33
  Speaker 1: And my car payment was like, I think, maybe 97 or $117 a month.
• 23:38
  Speaker 1: It was very little, but anyways, I saw this car, I saw what was very close to my first car, drove by and I realized it started me on this whole process of when I thought that I bought it.
• 23:51
  Speaker 1: And I remember, like before, that I actually bought my first car too, and I remember my mom telling me, like from a young age when we would like get birthday money, we had to save money for our first car, because if I ever wanted to drive a car, what she told me was that I needed, if I ever wanted to buy a car or have a car in high school, it would be up to me to save to be able to pay for the car.
• 24:13
  Speaker 1: And then that was true.
• 24:14
  Speaker 1: I have purchased all of my cars my whole life and I actually totally get that.
• 24:21
  Speaker 1: That is a work ethic.
• 24:22
  Speaker 1: It teaches you responsibility, all those things.
• 24:25
  Speaker 1: So I don't think my mom, in doing that, was wrong and we haven't decided.
• 24:30
  Speaker 1: Our kids are way too young.
• 24:32
  Speaker 1: We'll for sure get them to contribute because we don't want the other end of the spectrum, entitlement or not understanding value for things.
• 24:38
  Speaker 1: But what I realized like my little kid takeaway, like my interpretation of that.
• 24:43
  Speaker 1: But what I realized like my little kid takeaway, like my interpretation of that lesson, life lesson was that provision is up to me.
• 24:49
  Speaker 1: And as I was watching my white Honda drive pass, I actually ended up pulling out behind it.
• 24:53
  Speaker 1: So I was thinking for a while about it.
• 24:55
  Speaker 1: I realized like, oh, and then I remember my mom explaining and you have to have enough for insurance and if you ever want gas, you're going to have to pay for your gas.
• 25:03
  Speaker 1: And it was just this deep line of like oh, this is a lot of money.
• 25:07
  Speaker 1: So then I started working and had multiple jobs.
• 25:13
  Speaker 1: Oh, I forgot.
• 25:14
  Speaker 1: I wonder how much of that is rooted in this lack, since I was 14, I would have so many jobs because I knew one day I was going to have to pay for that and I wasn't going to have Like it was like I started behind is what it felt like.
• 25:22
  Speaker 1: And I remember our school was like 25 miles away and often I wouldn't have very I mean, I was not great with money, so it's not, like you know, impulsive seven shopper over here.
• 25:33
  Speaker 1: But also I was a teenager, in high school, so I didn't have crazy jobs, but once I would pay for my insurance and a few other things I had, I would.
• 25:41
  Speaker 1: It'd be hard for me to cover gas to get to and from my school and there'd be times that I would literally go pay in quarters and dollar bills which again, in and of itself is not bad, but it really it just rooted this fear and this.
• 25:55
  Speaker 1: I can only trust me and however hard I work will be the momentum my life has, will be the momentum my life has.
• 26:09
  Speaker 1: And I think the reality of that self-sufficiency was that I saw my parents did the same thing, like my mom would pay for in single dollar bills, you know, for her gas, and she would rarely fill it up because she was on such a tight budget and her parents gifted her a car.
• 26:21
  Speaker 1: So it was this awareness, like my mom wasn't a jerk, she didn't have anything.
• 26:24
  Speaker 1: So it was just this like oh, wow, as I'm sitting here driving behind my white car, I'm like I could feel the waves of this is deeply rooted Provision being up to me, jenna, being an employee, and provision being like a boss mentality was like a deep childhood message of self-sufficiency.
• 26:46
  Speaker 1: And of course I'm like of course this makes sense why it kind of dovetails into over-responsibility too.
• 26:50
  Speaker 1: But it grew up with me with this understanding that hard work isn't optional, hard work's not just admirable, hard work equals survival.
• 27:01
  Speaker 1: If you don't work, if you don't take that babysitting job and don't go to that friend's house or you can't, you know, miss out on that youth group thing because you got offered a job, it was almost like you were desperate.
• 27:12
  Speaker 1: I felt like I was desperate for any scraps given to me.
• 27:15
  Speaker 1: I just had to say yes because hard work was survival.
• 27:17
  Speaker 1: I wouldn't.
• 27:18
  Speaker 1: I remember times being like, oh, if I don't say yes, I won't be able to drive to school because I won't have enough gas money.
• 27:23
  Speaker 1: Like, okay, I gotta, I gotta do this.
• 27:26
  Speaker 1: And then in college we knew to like we had to go to college.
• 27:29
  Speaker 1: We're from the South.
• 27:30
  Speaker 1: That was like non-negotiable four-year school.
• 27:32
  Speaker 1: But then also like from a very young age, you will be, you have to go to college and you will be paying for it.
• 27:38
  Speaker 1: So you need to get really good grades to get scholarships or you will not be able to financially afford college.
• 27:45
  Speaker 1: And again, not blaming my mom, not saying that any of that is true or like sorry, untrue, and there's no, there could be no malicious intent.
• 27:54
  Speaker 1: She made me a hard like.
• 27:55
  Speaker 1: These really good life lessons made me a hard worker at the beginning, but it it also I'm just.
• 28:01
  Speaker 1: I've realized as I saw my old car this Saturday I was processing.
• 28:05
  Speaker 1: I was like, oh, fear of hard work is survival, was like from a car and literally getting to school and if I couldn't get to school I wouldn't get good enough grades to then would.
• 28:15
  Speaker 1: Then it's like if I mess up this level and I don't work my tail off till I'm exhausted, it will thwart the next thing, which will thwart the next thing, and it's like a house of cards and it yeah, it just showed me how deep this was.
• 28:28
  Speaker 1: And then I did, I got a.
• 28:29
  Speaker 1: I worked so hard in high school I actually got special permission to like take all the grade above me's grades Cause I realized if I didn't my GPA would drop and then I wouldn't be at the you know the top three of my class and I'd probably get less scholarships.
• 28:45
  Speaker 1: And then the Lord was so gracious and I got so many scholarships and it was wonderful.
• 28:50
  Speaker 1: But I think the difference for me was recognizing how early on, the message of hard work was not optional or just good character, it was essential to my survival.
• 29:00
  Speaker 1: Like, oh, okay, so this is where that came from.
• 29:03
  Speaker 1: So then when I was in the car, I actually started crying.
• 29:06
  Speaker 1: When I was like processing all of this with the Lord on my drive to my bar class at like seven in the morning and I messaged my friend shout out to Stacy for my random musings, you got.
• 29:15
  Speaker 1: So anyways, I just it made me this message of self-sufficiency in childhood, specifically with being a hard worker.
• 29:23
  Speaker 1: It made me a hard worker.
• 29:25
  Speaker 1: I have a great work ethic, but at the cost of learning how to trust.
• 29:30
  Speaker 1: I didn't actually get the almost like had to grow up too early, and I know other people have crazy stories so I actually don't think my story's out of the normal.
• 29:41
  Speaker 1: I'm imagining a lot of you have a variation of this story, so I'm just trying to connect the dot of oh, you probably learned as well to trust in your provision as a worker over a daughter If you didn't have parents, you had to grow up too early to provide for yourself if you didn't have parents who were able to do that for you, and that's probably like deeply rooted.
• 30:01
  Speaker 1: I almost think the over-responsibility often goes hand in hand with some level of this mindset, of employee mindset, with interacting with God as your provider too.
• 30:10
  Speaker 1: So, that being said, this season, probably a couple months ago, like two months ago, I realized, like I've well, one since Terms for Taught has ended, well, one since Terms for Taught has ended discovered habits had such up and down finances versus, like, the abundance we had while my Etsy shop was flourishing In this, so all of the things kind of combined.
• 30:37
  Speaker 1: I am closer to the Lord that I've been in decades decades, like probably since high school and a lot of it like when I was on a walk with Lauren just processing that I was like, oh, so much of this is kind of the unexpected blessing of being financially in a tough spot.
• 30:55
  Speaker 1: It's not been optional, like God's not been an optional fill-in, like because I need him quote unquote for my daily bread.
• 31:02
  Speaker 1: I have, like my financial instability heightened my awareness of God's provision and actually because of my daily dependency, it deepened my intimacy with him.
• 31:15
  Speaker 1: And then it's created this habit where I'm like, oh, I'm actually I feel blessed that I have to come back every day for my daily bread for provision, because the intimacy and friendship that was reawakened when I didn't need you in a season where I do need you, I'm that I have to come back every day for my daily bread for provision because the intimacy and friendship that was reawakened when I didn't need you in a season where I do need you, I'm like, oh, I actually.
• 31:31
  Speaker 1: It kind of shifted my mindset when I saw how much fruit had grown from this season of like being in need and now I've kind of dubbed it.
• 31:38
  Speaker 1: I actually I'm like what if I?
• 31:39
  Speaker 1: I don't remember if it was the Lord or me, but he was like what if, instead of thinking like the instability of being you know your finances, what if you flip it and think of it the gift of dependency like the fruit of being financially more unsettled than you've been, has actually been a beautiful intimacy with me.
• 32:00
  Speaker 1: That like, maybe like that you love, and it's changed your life and your husband's life and your kid's life.
• 32:06
  Speaker 1: And I'm like, oh my gosh, so this mindset shift, instead of fearing financial uncertainty, actually seeing it as an invitation to trust deeper, to walk more closely on a daily basis.
• 32:17
  Speaker 1: I was like, okay, so for me, one of my little habits of Actually it was cool as the Lord was showing me, getting me out of the employee mindset and more of a daughter, I kind of felt more it's like putting down your favorite tool and you're like you mean things could just come to me that I haven't earned, like are you sure it feels like uncovered, like I was so used to?
• 32:37
  Speaker 1: Like, okay, tell me where to go, I've got my hammer, I'll go build whatever you tell me to build.
• 32:41
  Speaker 1: Give me the hammer and the nails.
• 32:42
  Speaker 1: I'll like work 12 hours a day.
• 32:44
  Speaker 1: I got this.
• 32:44
  Speaker 1: But he's like hey, what if you just wait and I'm going to help you and provide for you and be like?
• 32:49
  Speaker 1: And he's like and put down your hammer.
• 32:51
  Speaker 1: I'm like, it's like part of my body at this point, my work ethic, trust, like taking my trust out of my work ethic and my hustle Like I've kind of dubbed it like breaking up with my faith being in my ability to hustle.
• 33:10
  Speaker 1: And then he was like okay, what if in this process of dethroning hustle, what if you're not actually more, there's not a lack?
• 33:19
  Speaker 1: You actually then have to go almost like hook yourself up to instead of if you're unplugging from hustle, you have to then go plug into me and actually shift gears.
• 33:29
  Speaker 1: So what I do now is like he's like you're not covered, but you do need to invite me in when you're experiencing that emotion.
• 33:35
  Speaker 1: So my little habit for dethroning hustle is when I fear, when like a financial fear rises in me, I first I notice it and instead of reacting like those sound effects were very genuine, you're welcome, I one have compassion for myself in the moment, like, oh yep, that makes sense that that happened.
• 33:56
  Speaker 1: And now you're like, how will this work out.
• 33:58
  Speaker 1: But then, two, I just felt like the Lord was like, can you then invite me in?
• 34:04
  Speaker 1: Like hey, lord, this just happened, but you're not surprised by it.
• 34:07
  Speaker 1: And I actually like would you come in and step into the role, like almost like, come in so I can plug into you and will you be, will you provide, will you care for this need?
• 34:16
  Speaker 1: And it was, it's been so cool.
• 34:18
  Speaker 1: But like literally have to make a habit of renewing my mind and my mindset here with dethroning hustle, so it's not just unplugging but then plugging into him.
• 34:29
  Speaker 1: So that was the part, probably the last like month, that I was like oh, that was like the upgrade in the habit.
• 34:33
  Speaker 1: He's like, hey, now actually invite me in to be a provider.
• 34:36
  Speaker 1: There's not just meant to be a lack of a source, you actually have to connect with me.
• 34:40
  Speaker 1: I'm like oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, and that makes sense.
• 34:43
  Speaker 1: So just a real life testimony of like his provision and action as I've made the habit of unplugging from, you know, dethroning hustle to plugging into him for the provider and inviting him to all the little situations I had.
• 34:57
  Speaker 1: The interesting thing about being a life coach is when one client cancels or adjusts their schedule like if they were every week, and then they go hey, I'm going to stop working for you.
• 35:06
  Speaker 1: That's like hundreds of dollars of our family's budget, like it's just so much.
• 35:11
  Speaker 1: It's not the same, obviously, as like a nine to five.
• 35:13
  Speaker 1: That's just a secure paycheck.
• 35:14
  Speaker 1: So, and then obviously this nationally and internationally, the economy is just tighter than it's ever been.
• 35:21
  Speaker 1: So the other day I was on a call with a client that I've seen weekly for a year and they informed me they needed to go, their finances were shifting and they were going to go to every other week and I literally I was like, okay, yeah, totally makes sense, cause that is true, it makes sense.
• 35:34
  Speaker 1: And then I hung up and I was like I felt, like I said what was my habit?
• 35:38
  Speaker 1: I felt the financial fear rise and I noticed it and I wanted to spin out and be like, ah, what's going to happen.
• 35:44
  Speaker 1: But then I felt like the Lord was like okay, hey, invite compassion in.
• 35:47
  Speaker 1: I'm like, yep, that makes sense.
• 35:48
  Speaker 1: Actually, you feel that way, this shifts thing.
• 35:51
  Speaker 1: And then actually do the little prayer invite of like, hey, lord, can you please?
• 35:56
  Speaker 1: I was like, dear God, can you please provide for this recent need?
• 36:01
  Speaker 1: I just came across Amen.
• 36:03
  Speaker 1: Or like sincerely yours, if it's a text or email Anyways.
• 36:08
  Speaker 1: So just quickly like, okay, not fear.
• 36:10
  Speaker 1: Oops, realigning, of course that makes sense as compassion.
• 36:13
  Speaker 1: Hey God, I'm gonna need you to be provider.
• 36:15
  Speaker 1: I'm gonna like almost like turn in your receipt, like, can you cover this?
• 36:19
  Speaker 1: I'm gonna turn in my receipt.
• 36:20
  Speaker 1: And then it was so beautiful.
• 36:21
  Speaker 1: At my next coaching I usually have like a minute or two between calls the person gets on.
• 36:26
  Speaker 1: I hadn't talked to them for months and they were like hey, I just want to say before we hop in, I need to see you on a regular basis.
• 36:32
  Speaker 1: I need more like help and I need some healing and some focus and I'd really like to work with you on a regular basis.
• 36:39
  Speaker 1: Could we go every other week?
• 36:40
  Speaker 1: And instantly I felt like the Lord is like oh, see, see, I'm good at this.
• 36:47
  Speaker 1: When you invite me and I'm actually really good at this job, I'm like okay, thanks.
• 36:51
  Speaker 1: So then it was so sweet and I felt so loved, hang up next coaching call.
• 36:55
  Speaker 1: The person was like a discovery call and they're like okay, I want to work every other week with you for twice.
• 37:01
  Speaker 1: So then I was like oh, my gosh.
• 37:02
  Speaker 1: So we like settled that.
• 37:03
  Speaker 1: And then, after I got off the phone, I was like, wow, like I went from lack, invited you in, and now, at the end of the day, I'm actually two more what do you call it?
• 37:12
  Speaker 1: Meetings a month well off.
• 37:14
  Speaker 1: Like I went from a lack to an abundance simply by inviting you in.
• 37:18
  Speaker 1: I'm like, oh, you really are good at your job.
• 37:20
  Speaker 1: Like, wow, this is so much easier than the employee mindset I've been operating on for so many years.
• 37:25
  Speaker 1: But again, going back to the gift of dependency, if we didn't need that money, I would have missed the opportunity to invite him in and then I would have missed his provision.
• 37:35
  Speaker 1: I might not have seen it, like, if I didn't actually pray and then ask him to cover it.
• 37:39
  Speaker 1: I think we just get on autopilot specifically with the little things, like the little ways he shows up or the little requests.
• 37:45
  Speaker 1: It's easy to see him come in.
• 37:47
  Speaker 1: You know someone gets a whole $10,000 or a car or whatever but the little bits is what I notice.
• 37:54
  Speaker 1: I invite him into so much more and then also notice him showing up.
• 37:59
  Speaker 1: It feels like a million little love letters versus one grand, or little love notes instead of one grand gesture, if that makes sense and I'm like, oh, this is part of also the gift of this season of dependency is actually noticing real-time provision when I'm changing my habit.
• 38:19
  Speaker 1: And one more testimony I was thinking about this is we.
• 38:22
  Speaker 1: You know, we, coach, we have a few old Apple laptops that have varied from a decade old to, like you know, six years old, and one of them died, a couple like oh man, one of them died about six months ago, then Aaron's died probably about four months ago, and then my laptop actually died earlier this week and I was like no, we can't afford this and we also literally absolutely need it to do our job, all the things.
• 38:51
  Speaker 1: And then I just felt like the Lord was like, hey, invite me in, remember the habit, remember the habit of dethroning your hustle and inviting me in to cover the deficit as provider.
• 39:00
  Speaker 1: I'm like okay, so I did it.
• 39:05
  Speaker 1: And I just felt like he said why don't you actually invite people in to pray with you on Instagram?
• 39:08
  Speaker 1: So I posted a little picture in the stories and I'm going to be fully honest.
• 39:10
  Speaker 1: When I posted the picture about like, it said something like unusual prayer request, would you?
• 39:15
  Speaker 1: And I explained how my laptop had died all three had died and I asked if people would pray for the resurrection of my laptop, because God's in the business, or something like that, and I posted it.
• 39:23
  Speaker 1: And then, as I was sitting there like kind of chatting with Jesus, afterwards, I was like, oh, what am I hoping will happen?
• 39:30
  Speaker 1: Like what actually is my faith aimed at by doing that Almost like what was his invitation into or like unto, by inviting me to like post it and ask people to pray with me for it?
• 39:43
  Speaker 1: And I was like, oh, pardon me, like when you do, you don't give the right answer.
• 39:47
  Speaker 1: But you actually almost feel like you go into your little treasure box and you open it.
• 39:51
  Speaker 1: You're like what is in here?
• 39:52
  Speaker 1: You're like, oh, and I'm just going to be honest with you, I wanted to be transparent, pardon me.
• 39:57
  Speaker 1: I was like, oh, there's a bit of me, there's part of me that's like, oh, I hope someone super rich will see this and then just send me a new laptop.
• 40:04
  Speaker 1: That would be so sweet.
• 40:06
  Speaker 1: And then I brought that out and maybe, if that was the word of the Lord, like you know, if that's what I felt like in a different situation, that'd be okay, but in this one, the Lord was like yep, no, that's not how I'm going to okay.
• 40:22
  Speaker 1: So then I almost had to go on this process of weeding that out of my heart motivation and be like, okay, what are you going to do then?
• 40:25
  Speaker 1: So that's not how you're going to provide in this scenario and I'm not going to put my hopes up, because I also don't want to be someone who seems like it's a faux prayer request, actually hoping someone meets that need.
• 40:36
  Speaker 1: I was like, yeah, I don't want to actually be that kind of person, okay.
• 40:38
  Speaker 1: So then I was like I felt like the Lord was like I'm going to creatively provide and I wanted you to post it because you would miss it and it would be too mundane and you'd be on autopilot if you didn't post it.
• 40:49
  Speaker 1: And then I also want you to share the testimony when it happens.
• 40:52
  Speaker 1: And I was like, okay.
• 40:53
  Speaker 1: So I was like I don't think it's not going to be someone else.
• 40:57
  Speaker 1: The Lord's going to creatively provide.
• 40:58
  Speaker 1: I don't know what that means Fast forward.
• 41:00
  Speaker 1: Cool story is that we actually Aaron, came home.
• 41:03
  Speaker 1: We had tried for like 48 hours pretty diligently, with a few things and Googled things, to try to like resurrect it.
• 41:08
  Speaker 1: It wasn't like a oh, we'll turn on, you know, but we figured out this combo of half of the charger and that half of the charger with that outlet or yeah anyways was broken.
• 41:19
  Speaker 1: So it's not.
• 41:20
  Speaker 1: I would say it's like 20% alive it still.
• 41:24
  Speaker 1: It turns on and does all the things.
• 41:29
  Speaker 1: I feel like it's got one foot in the grave.
• 41:30
  Speaker 1: But the beautiful part is it actually is resurrected.
• 41:31
  Speaker 1: We were able to turn it back on and it was so cool and I was like, oh my gosh.
• 41:34
  Speaker 1: But Aaron came home and he knew about this and he was just kind of a little stressed from work.
• 41:38
  Speaker 1: He gets stressed with finances, pretty typical Whoever's the breadwinner, more of the breadwinner I feel like that's pretty normal MO Anyways.
• 41:45
  Speaker 1: And I told him that and then he was like I'm just feeling stressed.
• 41:48
  Speaker 1: I was like, okay, I felt like the Lord told me to invite people in and pray for it and I felt like he was going to creatively provide for us.
• 41:54
  Speaker 1: And, aaron, if it's not your word and you're the one who's probably going to be paying the bill, you know, if it doesn't happen, they're like sure, cool, I hope so.
• 42:02
  Speaker 1: You know he was gracious, he was not doubting in a, you know, unkind way or anything like that.
• 42:06
  Speaker 1: So fast forward.
• 42:09
  Speaker 1: That's like 20 minutes later we're sitting in the front yard, we're eating our dinner and Wesley, the kids are trying to save money for Nintendo Switch, and I told them they could, but I absolutely refused to give them any money because I don't want this.
• 42:22
  Speaker 1: I don't want a Nintendo Switch anytime soon.
• 42:24
  Speaker 1: So I'm happy for them to learn a long, slow lesson about this and then I'll get to figure out what our habits and parameters will be around using it.
• 42:32
  Speaker 1: So, long story short, wesley asked oh, they asked if they could put a couple dollars.
• 42:37
  Speaker 1: They were doing a bike wash.
• 42:38
  Speaker 1: Wesley, you'll have to post a video.
• 42:42
  Speaker 1: He made a sign he wrote in his kindergarten signature.
• 42:45
  Speaker 1: He taped it to our mail docs and he was using water balloons.
• 42:48
  Speaker 1: We have reusable water balloons as his method of washing the bikes and I was like sure, sure, sure, sure.
• 42:56
  Speaker 1: The longer these ideas happen, the more fun he's going to have and the slower we will get to the Nintendo Switch.
• 43:01
  Speaker 1: This is what I'm thinking in my head.
• 43:02
  Speaker 1: No problem, so anyways.
• 43:04
  Speaker 1: But they had asked if they could get a jar and, like a tip jar, put a couple singles in it, so people would believe it's a real thing.
• 43:11
  Speaker 1: So I said, sure, so we have a drawer.
• 43:13
  Speaker 1: One of our habits with our cousins is we stop sending gifts and we just send $5 with a handmade card to each cousin, and it just kind of simplifies it.
• 43:21
  Speaker 1: So every you know, every other year I get a little stack of $5 bills and just keep them.
• 43:27
  Speaker 1: So I went to that to find it, and when I pulled the envelope out, I found two more envelopes, you guys, totaling over $700, $100 bills of cash that I had forgotten about this summer, dollars, a hundred dollar bills of cash that I had forgotten about this summer.
• 43:45
  Speaker 1: Our neighbor's grandchild had burned down our fence and actually burned a couple of our bikes, and he had paid us the cash equivalent instead of filing an insurance claim, and we actually have slowly replaced all the bikes.
• 43:54
  Speaker 1: We got a couple.
• 43:56
  Speaker 1: Sorry, we got used better bikes, which was sweet of the Lord, but we'd forgotten.
• 44:01
  Speaker 1: So we've already paid for them out of, like, our normal bank account, the money.
• 44:05
  Speaker 1: We were rectified, and we just found $700.
• 44:07
  Speaker 1: So I came out with Aaron.
• 44:08
  Speaker 1: I was like, babe, talk about creative provision.
• 44:11
  Speaker 1: And I like explained it to him.
• 44:12
  Speaker 1: He's like, oh, okay, that's cool.
• 44:15
  Speaker 1: So, anyways, my point, though, is, in sharing this testimony is like actually the gift of dependency, is needing to invite him in and it has an opportunity to actually like a lot of chances to unlearn my employee mindset and learn my daughter mindset and my small habit of actually, when the fear happens, inviting him in and then watching.
• 44:35
  Speaker 1: Now I have enough, after going after the habit for a bit, enough evidence of testimonies that it's increased my faith with expectancy of like, oh, how is he going to show up as a dad?
• 44:45
  Speaker 1: And I just want you to go on that journey.
• 44:47
  Speaker 1: Whatever part of this you related to like creating a small tiny thought habit Maybe it's the question like how would a daughter respond?
• 44:55
  Speaker 1: Or what is my if I had to more nuance, define the motivation of my work ethic, or what does it look like my provision?
• 45:01
  Speaker 1: What is my if I had a more nuanced define the motivation of my work ethic?
• 45:03
  Speaker 1: Or what does it look like my provision?
• 45:05
  Speaker 1: What is my provision actually rooted in?
• 45:07
  Speaker 1: Just asking yourself any level of the questions that we've done and then creating a thought habit to dethrone whatever faulty mindset you have around God as your provider.
• 45:17
  Speaker 1: I just invite you to do it and I'd love to hear I love interacting with you guys the last I think a couple of times ago I asked you to do it and I'd love to hear I love interacting with you guys the last, I think a couple times ago, I asked you to interact.
• 45:23
  Speaker 1: So if you come up with like a little habit for yourself based on anything you heard, or even if just you and the holy spirit come up with it, shoot me a dm or an email being like yeah, I realized this was me and this is my little thought habit to dethrone hustle, or to show up more as a daughter, or invite God into the process, or notice the little wins more often.
• 45:42
  Speaker 1: Whatever it is, I'd love hearing it.
• 45:43
  Speaker 1: So just shoot me a little text, dm or email about what your habit takeaway is going to be for your thought habit around these concepts.
• 45:51
  Speaker 1: Okay, guys, I hope you have a great week.
• 45:53
  Speaker 1: Bye.