Latest / The Erica Show / Catching Up WIth JoCos Kendall Mariah on Her NEW BOOK - This Little Fire Of Mine

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Catching Up WIth JoCos Kendall Mariah on Her NEW BOOK - This Little Fire Of Mine · The Erica Show

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Speaker 1: Do you want to five? It is the Erica Show.
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Speaker 2: Kendall Mariah y'all Benson native a Joco girl from Campbell University.
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Speaker 1: She's a mama who's adopted.
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Speaker 2: A beautiful baby girl, army wife, which thank you for
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Speaker 2: you and your husband's service. Of course, content creator with
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Speaker 2: like nearly a million collective followers, and of course now
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Speaker 2: it is author this little fire of mine is here.
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Speaker 2: It just debuted on Tuesday, right, yes, yes, yes, yes, Okay,
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Speaker 2: that's so exciting. And so I started reading all the
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Speaker 2: details about it. I was like, ooh, yes, this is
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Speaker 2: where I'm at in life right now. I can't wait
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Speaker 2: to hear about it. So tell us about the book.
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Speaker 3: Yeah, so thanks for having me on. I'm so excited.
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Speaker 3: First of all, I have to say that, you know,
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Speaker 3: growing up here in North Carolina and in a small
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Speaker 3: town really gave me a very specific kind of view
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Speaker 3: of the world. I grew up with faith, and I
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Speaker 3: had a great loving church. But then once I got
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Speaker 3: Mary to moved away with military, lost and all, I
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Speaker 3: started experiencing things in a new way in a new leans,
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Speaker 3: and I started really kind of going through what a
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Speaker 3: lot of people know now is called deconstruction, But many
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Speaker 3: people like to look at that word as a bad word,
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Speaker 3: as a coast word, And it's kind of like if
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Speaker 3: you said to our doubt in the nineties at church,
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Speaker 3: who would look at you like your hand on some
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Speaker 3: bells starts spinning with some sort of extracism, right. But
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Speaker 3: the truth is is deconstruction is really just asking questions.
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Speaker 3: And if you have ever rode in the car with
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Speaker 3: a four year old, my brain kind of works with that.
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Speaker 3: I'm going to ask you a question about every single thing, Well,
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Speaker 3: why does that work? Or how does that happen? Or
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Speaker 3: why are we doing what we're doing just because somebody
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Speaker 3: said so? So that's kind of the antithesis of where
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Speaker 3: all this got started.
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Speaker 2: Well, and you know what, I'm in the middle of
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Speaker 2: a study called experiencing God right now, and it's like,
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Speaker 2: when people ask questions, they say, that is God at work?
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Speaker 2: So really, you doing that deconstruction? Is God at work
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Speaker 2: in your life?
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Speaker 1: Anyway?
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Speaker 3: Yeah? No, And I absolutely believe that, because do we
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Speaker 3: really ask questions about things we don't care about? I mean,
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Speaker 3: I don't think so, you know, I think about different
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Speaker 3: friendships or relationships in my life. And if I'm checked out.
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Speaker 3: Then I don't care enough to ask questions about what's
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Speaker 3: going on or how what's going on? Or why are
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Speaker 3: they not talking to me? Or why did they say that?
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Speaker 3: When we actually care, we have questions that we analyze
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Speaker 3: and sometimes scrutinize the decisions or information that we've been given.
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Speaker 2: And of course i'm personally you get told to do something,
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Speaker 2: but I'm like, but why, I don't understand it.
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Speaker 1: It doesn't make sense.
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Speaker 3: Yes, And that's exactly, and I need to logically understand
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Speaker 3: the reasoning behind that. And if you're I think you
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Speaker 3: and I avers of our age where we grew up
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Speaker 3: in a time with church and like purity culture, and
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Speaker 3: there was just all this messaging to women, especially in
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Speaker 3: the two thousands. You know, we were told them what
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Speaker 3: our bodies should and shouldn't look like, what we should
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Speaker 3: and shouldn't wear, where we should and shouldn't be. There's
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Speaker 3: just a lot I talk about shame and sexuality. And
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Speaker 3: then for me that convoluted the messaging I was receiving
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Speaker 3: about what God thought about me or you know, how
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Speaker 3: I should feel about myself. And so it took a
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Speaker 3: lot of time effort in conversations with there for some
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Speaker 3: people to understand in my twenties that I had really
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Speaker 3: missed the mark on understanding what God actually said about me,
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Speaker 3: and I was thinking and believing in a way that
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Speaker 3: was really created by man, and I was supposed it
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Speaker 3: wasn't supposed to be a part of my spiritual practice
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Speaker 3: to even begin with.
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Speaker 2: And then of course living all over as a military wife.
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Speaker 2: How did that open the door for your brain to
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Speaker 2: start thinking differently or how did it change you when
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Speaker 2: you moved to different places?
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Speaker 3: Yeah, I think it's you know, even people with just
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Speaker 3: go on vacation, I think it can open your mind
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Speaker 3: to like you just really can't experience some things through
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Speaker 3: a book or TV or movies or you know, social media.
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Speaker 3: You have to kind of be immersed in it. And
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Speaker 3: then when living in a different place, you know, just
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Speaker 3: amplifies that. And going from you know, small town here
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Speaker 3: in China to I moved to Washington State and look
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Speaker 3: after I graduated college.
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Speaker 1: You won't play anyways clear across the country.
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Speaker 3: Girl, Literally they cannot understand the words coming out of
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Speaker 3: my mouth.
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Speaker 1: I'm sure they're like, what'd you say?
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Speaker 3: Literally? Okay. They have a place called Dutch Bros. Which
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Speaker 3: is kind of like seven brods that drive their coffee's
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Speaker 3: place and they have funky names for different coffees. And
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Speaker 3: I order an ice slight nocha at the coffee shop,
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Speaker 3: but it's I get everywhere, basic white girl drink. Well,
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Speaker 3: this poor little like seventeen year old guy that was
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Speaker 3: taking my order luked aim and he said, we don't
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Speaker 3: have that. I'm like, yes, you do, like you of
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Speaker 3: course you have, like I see it on your mini.
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Speaker 3: And after repeating myself like three times, he said, we
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Speaker 3: don't serve an ass like mocha and part of my language.
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Speaker 3: But I was mortified. But you know, the language barrier
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Speaker 3: was just exemplary of just the complete difference of culture
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Speaker 3: of going from the Southeast to the Pacific Northwest, and
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Speaker 3: you know, people have vastly different experiences, not just culturally
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Speaker 3: but demographically, associoeconomically, and I'm being away from my village
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Speaker 3: and away from my family. Really maybe pay attention to
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Speaker 3: those things in a much more magnified way.
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Speaker 2: And of course you've got a huge, massive following where
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Speaker 2: people you know, are glued to you. But you did
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Speaker 2: this in a very authentic way and it kind of
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Speaker 2: shaped the book as well.
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Speaker 3: Right, Yeah, It's very interesting to me. You know, I
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Speaker 3: grew up on social media. I've been chronically online since
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Speaker 3: the Exanga days. If you remember that, what is it O? Yes,
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Speaker 3: I was the original Joco underscore girl on Exanga oh wow,
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Speaker 3: back on two thousand and six. So I've just been online.
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Speaker 3: I'm doing what I've always done. But I was one
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Speaker 3: of the people down the pandemic that had extra time
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Speaker 3: on my hands and put it towards social media even
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Speaker 3: more and telling my story. And I think because of
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Speaker 3: you know, being blonde hair and from the South, do
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Speaker 3: have a lot of stereotypical beliefs about what we look
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Speaker 3: like or what we think because of the way we look.
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Speaker 3: And I was challenging those beliefs or those questions that
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Speaker 3: I was having and saying them out loud. And I
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Speaker 3: really think that can probably conceptualize a lot of what's
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Speaker 3: in the book. And what I do is I'm saying
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Speaker 3: those quiet parts out loud that you might be thinking
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Speaker 3: or you might be scared to say, or your hand
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Speaker 3: in a meaning to ask or at church. But I
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Speaker 3: call it soul freetion. I literally just feel it in
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Speaker 3: my body that if I don't let it out of
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Speaker 3: my mouth or get it out of my system. I'm
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Speaker 3: going to spontaneously combust and that has shaped so much
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Speaker 3: of my faith and just approached the social media both.
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Speaker 2: Now when you do that or even writing in the book,
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Speaker 2: have you ever deleted stuff because as a girl who's
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Speaker 2: in the community and doing stuff with church and this
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Speaker 2: and that or pta mama, you know, you post it
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Speaker 2: and then you're like, well, I better take that down
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Speaker 2: because somebody's not going to like that. Have you ever
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Speaker 2: been through that phase in your you know, journey with
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Speaker 2: social or even with the book you took something out?
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Speaker 3: Yeah, for sure. I mean I think we all have
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Speaker 3: to be matured in us to realize sometimes when we
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Speaker 3: need to edit ourselves. You know, there was a situation
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Speaker 3: in last year where in like hees a moment anger,
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Speaker 3: I participated in a trend that had a curse for
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Speaker 3: it and it like dropped the F bomb And even
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Speaker 3: though I wasn't saying the S bomb, it was just
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Speaker 3: in the sound right or for me, he social works
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Speaker 3: and how that goes, So I was ain't really thinking
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Speaker 3: about the fact that it was there. And you know,
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Speaker 3: I text on the screen had no thing to do
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Speaker 3: with it. But you know, I got caught out for it,
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Speaker 3: you know, just how it wasn't probably the best example
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Speaker 3: of my faith or my beliefs, and you know, my
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Speaker 3: leadership in church, and they were correct, they were correct
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Speaker 3: on that front. But now again at this in the
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Speaker 3: same hand, you know, there's things that I post online
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Speaker 3: every day and having the last couple of weeks that
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Speaker 3: people were like, I really wish you would have posted
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Speaker 3: that because it makes people uncomfortable or I'm not just
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Speaker 3: staying away from the hard topics of the hot topics
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Speaker 3: that are going on in current events, because it keeps
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Speaker 3: the peace. And I think that's a lot of where
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Speaker 3: the tension is right now the church is more people
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Speaker 3: are more concerned with keeping the peace than calling out,
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Speaker 3: you know, some of the really simple and harmful behaviors
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Speaker 3: towards other Christians, but also beyond that, just towards our neighbor.
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Speaker 3: And that's that's not just affecting our witness, but you
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Speaker 3: know the message of Jesus too.
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Speaker 2: Now, how is this book different than a typical, you know,
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Speaker 2: faith based book. What would be different about this book
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Speaker 2: and why do we need to have it?
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Speaker 3: I think the main thing is is is I am
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Speaker 3: not coming with this like I don't know this, yes,
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Speaker 3: Like I'm not wearing all whites with like farmhouse esthetic,
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Speaker 3: and I'm not wearing a straw hat, and like there's
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Speaker 3: this certain Christian woman vibe that I think our generation
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Speaker 3: millennials have grown up with over the last fifteen twenty
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Speaker 3: years that everything just feels so peaceful and if you
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Speaker 3: believe in God, it's serene and just ethereal. And I'm
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Speaker 3: gonna wear this linen dress everywhere I go. And my editor,
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Speaker 3: you know, she said that, you know, my the weather
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Speaker 3: right is very like unflappably and unshakably honest, Like I'm
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Speaker 3: not gonna beat around the bush. I'm going to call
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Speaker 3: it for what it is. And you know, I talk
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Speaker 3: about some really hard things like experiencing the losses of a
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Speaker 3: loved one through suicide and how that I find my
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Speaker 3: view of hell. I talk about, you know, mental health.
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Speaker 3: I talk about racism, social injustice, and you know, going
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Speaker 3: through things like culture and sexuality and sexual assault, all
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Speaker 3: the things that we were told in church that we
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Speaker 3: just sleep in the brook under the rug and we
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Speaker 3: act like don't at exist, then it goes away. But
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Speaker 3: it didn't go away. And that's what you know built
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Speaker 3: this frustration and the soul frition of me. And as
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Speaker 3: I mentioned before, I'm trying to say and have the
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Speaker 3: conversations that nobody else wants to because now being the
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Speaker 3: mother of a daughter is I don't want her to
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Speaker 3: experience the same hurt and the same misinterpretations as the
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Speaker 3: love of God that I believe is what we truly
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Speaker 3: should find in the Bible.
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Speaker 2: I love that it just seems like it's a very
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Speaker 2: down to earth like book where so for me, I
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Speaker 2: love me some Jesus, but I am really flawed and
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Speaker 2: I know that, but I don't want to be ashamed
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Speaker 2: to share that because many of us are.
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Speaker 1: It's just we're scared to talk about it.
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Speaker 2: So I feel like this book is going to meet
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Speaker 2: a lot of women where they are in their journey
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Speaker 2: right now.
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Speaker 3: Yeah, that's absolutely My prayer is that you know wherever
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Speaker 3: you are in your faith journey, whether you're likening, you've
9:53
Speaker 3: grown up in the church, and you know when Sunday night,
9:55
Speaker 3: Wednesday night, Sunday morning, you know I'm preparing to go tonight,
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Speaker 3: you know that sort of thing, or you're somebody that
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Speaker 3: you know sees it from afar and you're like I
10:03
Speaker 3: would not touch that with a ten foot pole. I
10:06
Speaker 3: think you can take something from it if you're that
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Speaker 3: person says I would touch it from a ten point
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Speaker 3: foot pole. Because of the harm that is happening from
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Speaker 3: Christians and by Christians, I hope that you read a
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Speaker 3: book like this and you say, oh wow, not all
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Speaker 3: Christians are like that. There are Christians that wrestle with
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Speaker 3: these same things. Like there's a whole chapter of like
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Speaker 3: what happens when Christians don't look like christ Like from
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Speaker 3: the worst bullying and just hate that I've received online
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Speaker 3: from hate accounts and all kinds stuff, I can guess
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Speaker 3: ninety nine percent of the time, I'm going to score
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Speaker 3: their profile and it's going to have Jesus follower in
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Speaker 3: their profile or a Bible verse. And it's like these
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Speaker 3: inconsistencies add up and effects are witnesses, and it's why
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Speaker 3: a lot of people have walked away from faith or
10:48
Speaker 3: you know, never want to be a part of it.
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Speaker 3: So I think there's also a lot of women that
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Speaker 3: are like us, that are kind of suffering in silence
10:55
Speaker 3: or feeling this itch or tension of I know what
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Speaker 3: I know about God and what I feel in my
11:01
Speaker 3: spirit is true, but everybody else is just yelling yeah,
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Speaker 3: and I can't break through the noise. And so those
11:07
Speaker 3: are the people that I think may get the most
11:09
Speaker 3: out of it. But so many people have already said
11:12
Speaker 3: to heay like listening to the audible version, it's like writing
11:14
Speaker 3: in the car with me, because I'm gonna tell you
11:15
Speaker 3: if any story, then we we'll have a serious conversation.
11:18
Speaker 3: And I write just like I talk, which I apparently
11:22
Speaker 3: is a not a common thing, like how did you
11:24
Speaker 3: want me to write? Like was this supposed to be
11:26
Speaker 3: a dissertation? So it's going to feel very conversational. It's
11:30
Speaker 3: so easy read with some you know, more hard hitting
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Speaker 3: questions and hopefully affirming stories that make you feel like
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Speaker 3: you're not alone, you're not crazy. And maybe it's not
11:40
Speaker 3: you that it's messed up. Maybe it's actually part of
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Speaker 3: the church that's messed up right now, and we've got
11:44
Speaker 3: some things to work through.
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Speaker 2: And also, so I have been doing some international trips
11:48
Speaker 2: and i'm'll send your book to somebody in the Philippines
11:51
Speaker 2: because she just reached out to me and she's like, listen,
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Speaker 2: I'm trying to be an example for my family and
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Speaker 2: my kids. But I feel like as much as I
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Speaker 2: read the Bible or I read devotionals, I'm not getting anything.
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Speaker 2: She doesn't feel anything, and she feels guilty, and so
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Speaker 2: I didn't really know the right answer to tell her.
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Speaker 2: But I'm like, I almost center her this book right here,
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Speaker 2: centered that.
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Speaker 3: Oh my gosh, I love you for that so much,
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Speaker 3: and I have such a heart for those people. I
12:15
Speaker 3: lead a Bible study on Wednesday nights online in a
12:17
Speaker 3: little Facebook community called Unapologetic with ken Murah, and I've
12:20
Speaker 3: done it for nine years now, but it's made for
12:23
Speaker 3: you know, people like that. They're like, I'm trying to
12:25
Speaker 3: learn more about the Bible. I'm trying to learn more
12:27
Speaker 3: about scripture, but I'm not having this super charismatic experience
12:31
Speaker 3: like tingly feeling or you know, like I'm levitating when
12:35
Speaker 3: I read the Bible, which is sometimes the expectation. But
12:39
Speaker 3: for some of us, like myself, who are neuro divergent specifically,
12:43
Speaker 3: that's not how I respond to scripture. It's much more
12:46
Speaker 3: intellectual thing, like I need to go into it, dive deep,
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Speaker 3: ask questions, figure out the context, and then I need
12:52
Speaker 3: to chew on it and you know, and really try
12:54
Speaker 3: to figure out the interpretation. I'm not just going to
12:57
Speaker 3: read one line and be like, Wow, Okay, now all
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Speaker 3: my day these problems are solved, and I'm just gonna
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Speaker 3: walk in peace, you know what.
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Speaker 2: So I've been in studies before where people are like, oh,
13:05
Speaker 2: I get it, and I'm like, yo, I ain't get
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Speaker 2: it because I ain't getting nothing.
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Speaker 1: Like I'm like, you're telling a lie. But that I mean,
13:11
Speaker 1: we're all different.
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Speaker 2: But for me, I'm like, you, I need to sit
13:14
Speaker 2: and really think through it and try to understand, because
13:16
Speaker 2: if you don't see it, it's hard to believe sometimes,
13:18
Speaker 2: so you're trying to really figure it out, you know.
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Speaker 3: Yeah. Well, and I think some double studies and you know,
13:24
Speaker 3: just to depend on the approaching, and they're going to
13:26
Speaker 3: skip a lot of important detail for people like us
13:29
Speaker 3: who who they need the logical explanation of things, you know,
13:33
Speaker 3: who may need to understand the context of the scenes
13:36
Speaker 3: that you're sitting in, Like why is the woman at
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Speaker 3: the world to begin with?
13:40
Speaker 1: Yeah, why is she doing over there?
13:42
Speaker 3: Yeah? If it's not safe for women, that doesn't make
13:44
Speaker 3: any sense. And why is there a group of men
13:46
Speaker 3: just standing there waiting to taunt her? You know, I've
13:48
Speaker 3: got so many questions and they're like, no, don't worry
13:51
Speaker 3: about that, just focus on Jesus. Since the interaction, I'm like,
13:54
Speaker 3: what's what Jesus interaction would be a lot more powerful.
13:56
Speaker 3: And if I understood why she was there to be
13:58
Speaker 3: in with right, you know. So even I talk about
14:01
Speaker 3: that in the book where the best religious class religion
14:04
Speaker 3: class I took in college and I went to you know,
14:06
Speaker 3: ken We University at Christian School was actually an art
14:09
Speaker 3: class that had nothing to do with religion. And it's
14:11
Speaker 3: because my professor was taking us through the process of
14:14
Speaker 3: how to ask better questions when it came to art
14:16
Speaker 3: and archstruy, Oh, I love that be better artists. And
14:19
Speaker 3: that shifted my perspective not just on art, but it's
14:22
Speaker 3: just in my perspective on business, it perspection, and my
14:25
Speaker 3: prospect dead on faith. Like we can have all the
14:28
Speaker 3: facts in the world, but if we're not asking the
14:30
Speaker 3: right questions and sitting with the right you know, information
14:35
Speaker 3: and chewing on it and trying to come up with
14:37
Speaker 3: our own context and understanding, you know, asking well, why
14:40
Speaker 3: are they standing that layel, why did the artists choose
14:43
Speaker 3: those colors? Or you know, really trying to figure it out.
14:46
Speaker 3: We're all in getting the safe value answer. We should
14:48
Speaker 3: be able to stare at a piece of art for
14:49
Speaker 3: multiple hours and get something new out of that.
14:52
Speaker 2: You know, I feel like we can use that in
14:55
Speaker 2: everyday life too, when we all have opposing views and
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Speaker 2: to really just ask the questions to understand instead of
15:00
Speaker 2: hating on each other.
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Speaker 3: Girl, girl, that'll preach. Yes, That's what I've been saying
15:04
Speaker 3: so many times recently. You know when things have felt
15:07
Speaker 3: so tentious, is I feel like we've generally just forgotten
15:09
Speaker 3: how to sit with each other. Yeah, Like, if I
15:12
Speaker 3: don't understand or don't agree with you, then maybe I
15:15
Speaker 3: just need to sit down and understand where you come from,
15:17
Speaker 3: or say hey, Erica, So I see that word don't
15:20
Speaker 3: see eye to eye on us, and I have my
15:23
Speaker 3: own perspective, but I would love to hear yours because
15:25
Speaker 3: clearly you're passionate about it, and there's a reason you've
15:27
Speaker 3: come to that conclusion. So I would love to hear
15:29
Speaker 3: it because I care about it you and I want
15:30
Speaker 3: to know. And I think if we come with that
15:32
Speaker 3: kind of open mindedness and just out of genuine love
15:36
Speaker 3: because I care about you, it's a totally different approach
15:39
Speaker 3: and it's disarming. You know, your friend or whoever doesn't
15:41
Speaker 3: have to be on the defense about everything right, and
15:45
Speaker 3: we can just literally human better, like be a better
15:48
Speaker 3: human boy, interacting in a much more kind and graceful way.
15:53
Speaker 3: And if for Christians, isn't that kind of like the goal?
15:55
Speaker 2: Well, I'm so excited to check out your book. I
15:57
Speaker 2: got to meet you too. I'm like, oh, I got
15:59
Speaker 2: to go. I'm about to see you sometime in a
16:01
Speaker 2: book signing or whatever. But this little fire of mine?
16:04
Speaker 2: Where's it available?
16:05
Speaker 1: Amazon? Where else can people get it?
16:07
Speaker 3: Yes? Amazon, if you're in Raleigh. I have signed copies
16:10
Speaker 3: at Crabtree Valley Burns and Noble and at the Village
16:13
Speaker 3: Barns and Noble. But you can get it target online,
16:15
Speaker 3: Amazon dot com, you know, whatever your favorite shopping place is.
16:19
Speaker 3: And I think it's already in a couple of local libraries,
16:21
Speaker 3: so you can check it out there too.
16:22
Speaker 2: This is huge Gash bad self Joco girl representing, So
16:26
Speaker 2: I love that.
16:26
Speaker 3: Thank you,