Latest / The Inspired Speaker Network / How to Stay Positive Without Ignoring Your Real Feelings featuring Tif Loeffler

Transcript

How to Stay Positive Without Ignoring Your Real Feelings featuring Tif Loeffler · The Inspired Speaker Network

• 0:07
  Welcome to Evolving With Elle, where a capable woman recognizes what she's managing, understands
• 0:17
  the responsibilities that she's carrying, and chooses self-honoring over self-abandonment,
• 0:25
  and decides to continue, change, or release.
• 0:31
  I am Elle. I bring the mirror, the map, and the method. You choose how you show up in a way that honors your capacity.
• 0:41
  So let's lean in, learn, and evolve together.
• 0:47
  I have a guest for you. She is super positive, super warm, and a very lovely person to be around.
• 0:59
  I love her energy. We are both in the Inspired Podcast Network.
• 1:06
  Her name is Tif Loeffler, and her podcast is Positively Yours.
• 1:13
  So as we are here on Evolving With Elle, when capable women carry too much, we need Tif.
• 1:23
  Because you may hear the Positively Yours and just kind of say, oh, she's just going to be like
• 1:30
  sappy, saccharine, and just not grounded. And I will tell you, please take that belief out of your head.
• 1:41
  This woman is grounded and practical. So without further ado, let's bring in Tif.
• 1:50
  LJ, that was so beautiful. Thank you. And you know what? There are times where
• 1:57
  I'm not sure how grounded I am, and that's okay. And yes, it is so wonderful to hear that because
• 2:04
  being grounded is a reminder to me that, you know, we're on the planet.
• 2:08
  So we may as well just be on the planet. And I am so excited to be here in this moment with you.
• 2:15
  And I really love that intro. That was divine. Thank you, my dear.
• 2:20
  You are welcome, Tif. So in this season, we have been talking about
• 2:29
  how many times as people we don't celebrate ourselves. So to open up and just to bring
• 2:38
  this forward, because all of the get all of everyone who's been on this season has talked
• 2:43
  about something that they are proud of, that they didn't think about celebrating at the time.
• 2:52
  And now you get to choose. It's not based on what anybody else says. It's based on what Tif says.
• 2:59
  So as you talk about what you're proud of and what you want to celebrate,
• 3:04
  share more about who you are and what you want to bring to this session, to our interview discussion.
• 3:10
  Oh, I love it. Yeah, I know all of it. Oh, yes. Thank you. I love that you're asking that question.
• 3:17
  That is so kind of you. It's so kind of you because I feel we're kindred spirits in that sense of
• 3:24
  letting people know it's okay to celebrate. We want to celebrate more. We are put on this
• 3:28
  earth to have fun and celebrate. We are put on this earth to have adventure and experiences
• 3:35
  and connect with each other. And thank you for giving me the opportunity to just think about that.
• 3:39
  And if I were to pick something that I think, huh, I am proud of myself for it and grateful,
• 3:48
  but I guess I hadn't thought about celebrating it, is that, well, we are recording this in
• 3:54
  late August 2026. And I had a great summer. And I really want to celebrate that I had a great
• 4:03
  summer because I'm all about, hey, let's have a great day. And it was really great to have a
• 4:08
  great summer. Now, was every single second of it great? No. But here was the fun part that I want
• 4:13
  to celebrate is that I set the intention this summer that I am having a great summer. This
• 4:20
  is a great summer because I was continuing with some financial issues that I was really hoping
• 4:27
  were going to be cleared up. And they weren't. And also, you know what? I did everything that
• 4:32
  I could do on my end. But there are things that people aren't finishing on their end. And guess
• 4:37
  what? I have no control over that. So I do appreciate the serenity prayer in the, you know,
• 4:43
  helping accept things I cannot, you know, like the things I can't change the things. Yeah,
• 4:48
  I can't change and the wisdom to know the difference. And boy, I've been really working
• 4:52
  on that wisdom. See, it's okay that you can't remember it, because in my heart, I remember it,
• 4:57
  that I get to celebrate what I could change. And that was to make a choice to have a great summer.
• 5:04
  So here's how I had a great summer. A couple of ways. My youngest brother and I, we, we live
• 5:11
  together with my mom and dad, but also we don't, we don't connect all the time. Like there are days
• 5:19
  hardly ever talk. So I decided, Hey, let's get together this summer. And on Thursdays, not every
• 5:24
  Thursday, but every other Thursday, we're going to go out and do something. And we have, it's
• 5:28
  fun. I started an herb garden this year and I had done that in forever. And I got to give a
• 5:35
  shout out to my, my youngest brother for doing that because he helped me with that. And that
• 5:39
  has been so much fun. And did everything go as planned? No, I didn't know about taking care of
• 5:46
  the cilantro and it went to seed. And, you know, it's just so funny to talk about like, if there's
• 5:50
  anybody guarding, they'll be like, Oh yeah. For many of us who don't guard, we'd be like, what?
• 5:53
  Okay. I have cherry tomatoes growing, you know, it's just so exciting. And I'm celebrating that,
• 6:01
  that. And I guess if I were to say one more thing is celebrating, taking the time to connect with
• 6:09
  people that I care about this summer and having fun. And that could be just simply giving them
• 6:14
  a call. Now, if I were to add some extra special this summer, you and I are here on your podcast.
• 6:20
  And I want to thank you for that. And that is just like so exciting to me. And I'm just like,
• 6:23
  oh my gosh, thank you. And I'm celebrating that too. And now that I've, I feel like I want to do
• 6:28
  this. Like now that I celebrated that. Yay. Thank you. I want to leave, want to feel it.
• 6:34
  Cause you had mentioned something about how do you feel that in your body? And I want to thank
• 6:37
  you for that because how often are we like, yes, I am now thinking about the celebration of what
• 6:42
  it's like, but are you feeling it? And I feel it as an energy. Like I want to move my hands
• 6:48
  because I'm so excited about it. I just want to be like, ah, jazz hands, spirit fingers,
• 6:53
  you know, doing all the things. Thank you for that. Yeah. And that just feels really good.
• 6:58
  So thank you very much for asking that question. And I hope that everyone who's listening,
• 7:04
  I just want, let's just take a moment and let's just pick today. Was there one thing today that
• 7:09
  you could celebrate? It does. It, it just can be absolutely anything and just go, oh, cool.
• 7:15
  I can celebrate that. And there's always time to celebrate always. And thank you.
• 7:21
  You're welcome Tif. And before we move on to, to more, I want to reflect because, you know,
• 7:28
  on this podcast, I bring the mirror, the map and the method, and I want to bring a mirror to what
• 7:34
  you just shared. If you don't mind reflecting on it. So what I heard you say that stood out the
• 7:43
  most, a couple of things, one, you were intentional. You made a choice and said, I am
• 7:51
  choosing to have a great summer. Second intention and choice is in my relationship, in my role as
• 8:03
  a sibling, I am going to intentionally connect with my brother, a relationship that you value
• 8:14
  in your role as a sister slash friend potentially. For sure. Okay. Thank you. And you, you are
• 8:24
  welcome because what I love to talk about is the different role identities that we have.
• 8:30
  And in those role identities, each of them has a relationship attached to it.
• 8:39
  Yeah. And in what you shared Tif,
• 8:44
  by you and your brother connecting the way that you did and setting that intention,
• 8:51
  you each had a responsibility in the relationship. And when I say responsibility,
• 8:59
  it's the privileged thing that task that you both chose to do and you were accountable for,
• 9:09
  you entrusted it with each other, like, Hey, we're going to spend these Thursdays together. How,
• 9:15
  you know, every other, you know, and then you didn't, it didn't sound like you had
• 9:23
  a rigid expectations of each other. When I say rigid expectations, you're like, Oh no,
• 9:31
  you're the man. You should be tilling this soil and preparing it for me to plant these seeds.
• 9:37
  Right. Yeah. That's the rigid expectation I'm talking about, but you guys had like this
• 9:44
  structure. So you guys had expectations of we're going to meet on Thursday. That's an
• 9:48
  expectation. That's not a rigid one. It's one you both chose. And by doing that,
• 9:57
  you guys were able to flow. It set a structure for you to have a great summer with your brother
• 10:06
  and with yourself because you found something that you enjoyed in planting that garden and having
• 10:15
  the cherry tomatoes and the cilantro lesson. Yeah. Didn't go well, but you learned something
• 10:21
  in that too is exciting. So I just really wanted to reflect on that. And that's part of,
• 10:32
  well, let me let the floor is yours. As you heard me reflect on that with you,
• 10:40
  what comes up for you? I feel like I take a breath on this. That was so powerful. Thank you,
• 10:52
  everybody. I so love having LJ in my life. And here is a new reason that was at first,
• 11:07
  I don't know how to describe it. It was almost too much. And I want to thank you so much for
• 11:10
  taking me through a process of hearing what I said. You were celebrating through that with me.
• 11:20
  And it was so weird because at first I kind of felt guilty. Like, Oh my God, I can't believe
• 11:25
  like it's her podcast. Why are we talking about the stuff that... And then as you were talking,
• 11:32
  I'm like, Hey, but guess what? This is, this is not, what can we say? No, I love saying this.
• 11:38
  Hey, babe, it's not about you. Okay. This is like, we're talking big picture here too. I mean,
• 11:42
  you know, it is about us, but it's not about us. And I love it. My ego is, is cheeky and goes,
• 11:48
  Hey, guess what? You're fine. Don't worry. It's, it's all good. And then as I listening, I thought,
• 11:55
  wow, that is so amazing of you to do that. Thank you. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to
• 12:01
  hear what I said through your, through you. And it was a mirror. And if I were to
• 12:13
  just say one thing about having a great day is that the only thing better than a great day
• 12:23
  is more than one great day. So becoming familiar with experiencing a great day,
• 12:30
  knowing what it looks like, experiencing those cool feelings and having them not be so foreign,
• 12:36
  but have them be familiar. And that's what I experienced through all of that. So everyone,
• 12:41
  I just want to say that was, wow. That was like through me. Whew. Thank you, LJ. I was not
• 12:46
  expecting my reactions and some of them I were, and some of them I wasn't. And then,
• 12:52
  and then I realized, wow, this is like really cool. So thank you for,
• 12:55
  thank you for that gift. That was awesome. You are more than welcome.
• 13:04
  And that is what we all get to create with each other and for each other. And so many times
• 13:15
  we don't have it. We don't have that space where we can come in, share something that means
• 13:25
  something to us, means something to you, those listening, and then have someone celebrate it with
• 13:34
  you. And what I want to offer those listening is you actually have an opportunity to do that with
• 13:42
  me on Wednesdays because we have elevating conversations on Wednesdays. And that is
• 13:49
  actually going to be happening today after Tif and I finish our conversation. And what happens
• 13:57
  on these Wednesdays is kind of like what's happening in this interview. It's a discussion,
• 14:04
  no stress, just asking questions with safety, curiosity, and a heart genuinely to see you,
• 14:19
  to understand you, to get to know you. Because let's face it, as capable, heart-centered,
• 14:29
  professional women, especially those of us with children, how many of us have the time
• 14:37
  or the energy to pause and just celebrate? And that's why Tif is here because she has
• 14:51
  some wisdom around being able to fill it in your body, being able to pause. And remember Madre,
• 15:00
  she was in another episode and she also has a pause framework as well, right? And Tif,
• 15:09
  we're closing out this season with Tif. She's like the cherry on top around how to
• 15:18
  make it through celebrating ourselves and pulling out, okay, who were we being in order to accomplish
• 15:28
  that thing? Then when we had the conversations with you, we were talking about how sometimes
• 15:37
  we can have those conflicts with others that we're in relationship with our roles, with ourselves,
• 15:44
  and just kind of how to be comfortable in the conflict and make our way through it, right?
• 15:55
  Then with Madre, the body, feeling it in our body, like what Tif was saying,
• 16:03
  I didn't expect to feel all that. And some of it was, some of it, I didn't. But with the mind-body
• 16:10
  connection, you're that one person. You're feeling the emotions in your body. You have
• 16:16
  these thoughts going through your mind. It's all happening. And then with Christine Gold,
• 16:24
  we talked about surfing your edge, being able to step on the edge of your comfort zone,
• 16:32
  a little bit out of what's familiar so you can stretch and expand your comfort zone.
• 16:40
  And then we have Zakiya, who is going to be talking about behaviors and just kind of how you
• 16:48
  show up. And so why not end this season with the host of Positively Yours? Okay. So with that,
• 17:02
  Tif, thank you for allowing me to kind of share what we've been through. That was awesome.
• 17:07
  Really? Talk about celebrating. Yes. So the floor is yours, Positively Yours,
• 17:16
  hosts and queen. Let's go. Oh my gosh. Thank you. Well, I was really excited that we got here so
• 17:27
  quickly in the sense that you, well, you reached out to me and you're like, will you be on my
• 17:33
  podcast? I'm like, oh my gosh, I'm so excited. Yes, yes, yes, yes. And then trying to find a
• 17:37
  time. And it was so exciting. It's like, oh my gosh, it's already here. And I was like,
• 17:41
  ooh, what am I going to talk about? About the having a great day? Because I love evolving with
• 17:48
  Elle. I love, love, love, love, love. It's just thank you for that. And spoiler alert, I'm going
• 17:54
  to ask you for that link for tonight because I get to show up. And I know I'm so excited. I'm so
• 18:00
  excited that that worked out. So everybody, excuse me. I just had to share that because I was so
• 18:04
  excited. And it's just another way of having a great day. The number one way I have a great day
• 18:11
  every day, each and every day is connection. And I call it the key of C because I love music.
• 18:21
  And there is a key of C and there's also a C chord. But you don't have to be an expert at
• 18:27
  music. I'm not. I just love music. And I love the key of C. And for me, the number one key of C,
• 18:31
  that it's connection. So I love connecting. And I thought, ooh, what can I bring to this podcast
• 18:39
  to offer a bit of guidance? And I really appreciate you, Elle, for giving me that opportunity. And I
• 18:47
  was, I was kind of, I do love playing with acronyms. And I love, or, you know, just like
• 18:55
  ABC123. So I came up with something. And thanks for letting me share it with y'all.
• 19:01
  Because, and even though I live in the northern United States, I like saying y'all because I think
• 19:06
  it's sweet. And also, well, Canada's to the north. So I have many friends that I'm southerner to,
• 19:12
  so I think it works out. But I, I wanted to, I wanted to run this by you and see what you think.
• 19:20
  So it is up to a choice. And that's another key of C is choice. Always have an opportunity to
• 19:26
  make a choice. And Elle has inspired me so much today already. So much. For your audience, I just,
• 19:36
  I have to give you so many kudos. You have inspired me throughout this whole journey of
• 19:40
  us creating our podcast. Our connection has been, has been so deep in such a short amount of time.
• 19:48
  I just want to let you know how much you mean to me. And I really have been inspired. And every
• 19:52
  time I hear you speak, I'm like, oh my gosh, oh my gosh. Okay, cool, cool, cool, cool.
• 19:56
  And then I listen. It's so great. And I love what you talked about celebration. And I love
• 20:01
  that you remind me about choices. And so I thought, okay. And also,
• 20:08
  I am all about an authentic positivity. Because we don't want to be toxic in our positivity. We
• 20:14
  cannot have our world collapse and be like, oh, no, that's okay. And I do have my moments of that
• 20:19
  in the past. That's okay, too. And it's really, it's really exciting to be back in more of a,
• 20:25
  okay, I can, I can be who I am. I can be authentic and be positive. Okay, so there's a great day,
• 20:31
  how to have a great day. All right. There's so many ways. And I want people to know that
• 20:36
  having a great day, yes, is within your realm. And I know that there will be those days
• 20:42
  where it's nigh impossible. There will be those few days where your world is shattered. And I
• 20:47
  understand that. And, and, and instead of saying, I've heard the term the good, the bad, and the
• 20:53
  ugly. For having a great day, the good, the bad, and the not so good. And I know I talk about a
• 21:00
  great day, but I just want the great day to be a great day. But the good, the bad, the not so
• 21:03
  good. When you're having a great day, it's all good. I want to offer this to help you anchor into
• 21:09
  that good day. And when the day is not so good, I want this to offer this to you as a reshift to
• 21:18
  direct you back into a great day. And when the day is bad, you know what? I get that. And this is to
• 21:24
  help you get through the day. Get through that moment, just one breath at a time. Because I
• 21:29
  understand that too. And so I will go at this through the lens of a good day. Hey, we're having
• 21:36
  a good day. How are we going to have a good day? And I came up with PFA. That's my little acronym,
• 21:43
  like PFA and PFA. And P is for pause. I don't know about you, but we run through our day, Al.
• 21:51
  At the end of the day, it's like, did I even take a breath? Okay, we got to take a pause.
• 21:55
  So the P is for pause. Yes, did I eat? Thank you. All right. Marie Curie, can you not relate to
• 22:02
  her? It's like, I passed out because I haven't eaten. It's like, yeah, I know because you were
• 22:06
  running through your day. And we're all, we all have our moments. We're like, okay. So pausing.
• 22:12
  And the pausing is because it is wonderful to have awareness throughout the day, as many times as you
• 22:18
  can, if you can even start with one. And before I continue, I want to make two announcements that
• 22:24
  even though this can be your biggest distractor, it can also be your biggest helper. You can set
• 22:28
  a timer, even once a day for, I'm going to take a moment and we go through PFA. Okay. And first
• 22:35
  one is pause. Yes. And then I have F and it is for feeling, to feel, because we do have a body.
• 22:43
  We are here in this body, in this three-dimensional world. Yes. And the power is always in the present
• 22:51
  moment, feeling. And so just to have that moment is extraordinary. And then A for me is action,
• 23:03
  because it is good to think about things, to ponder on things, to imagine things.
• 23:08
  And yet, if that's all we do, and we never take action, then how do we create that great day? And
• 23:14
  so that, thank you for letting me bring action into it, because for me, that is the choice.
• 23:19
  I will now take action. Even if the action is, I got to go take a nap. Even if the action is,
• 23:24
  I am now going to have a bite to eat. Thank you. That's an amazing action. Thank you. Because you
• 23:29
  feeling something and you're taking action. So thanks for letting me just talk about the PFA.
• 23:35
  That's just something I wanted to share because I was inspired by you, even more so on
• 23:44
  the other part that I wanted to talk about is just, I like talking about things in little groups,
• 23:50
  not huge, because it's all about the little, I mean, the little things make up everything.
• 23:56
  And I just wanted to come up. A seed is a little thing that can grow into a big thing. So yes.
• 24:03
  And what you're planning right now with PFA, that's a seed. Oh, thank you. I'm just so into
• 24:11
  gardening now. It's just so fun. It's just like a rediscovery. So thank you for that. Yay. And yes,
• 24:17
  thank you. I just love that, that you reminded me of that. Thank you. And so you're welcome.
• 24:24
  I think about, because it's hard to remember lots of things all at once.
• 24:30
  You see me glancing down. It's because I am looking at notes and you know what? I like that
• 24:34
  because you do need a couple. We can't keep it all in our head. It's okay, people. You know,
• 24:38
  it's okay to write things down and then still forget them sometimes. It's okay to get reminders.
• 24:44
  And I just wanted to give us a reminder and I'm going to use it three, two, one.
• 24:48
  And the three, two, one is first. Now this is for again, any days, good, bad, not so good.
• 24:57
  Because I think so often we're just focused on how, how do I say this? It's just back in the day
• 25:02
  and it could be medieval times. It could be ancient times. It can be caveman times.
• 25:09
  We had to focus on if something was bad because we didn't want to do it again. We needed some
• 25:14
  guidance there. We're living in a world where, thank you, where the rules of survival have
• 25:20
  changed a lot, but our brain is still back there thinking I have to focus on that, focus on that,
• 25:25
  focus on that. And so I'm, and also, I also want to say this, you know what? I'm not saying anything
• 25:33
  new. There are other people who've said the same thing and that's okay. I just want to say to all
• 25:38
  of us, we get to express ourselves in the way that is unique to us, knowing that we are drawing
• 25:45
  upon the wisdom of the ages. And I think that is an amazing thing. Now it's always good to give
• 25:50
  credit where credit is due. Yes. Always, because I'm very big on that. I certainly wouldn't want
• 25:56
  to, I'm trying to, a penny saved is a penny earned. Guess what? I did not come up with that.
• 26:01
  So I'm not going to say, yeah, that was my own thing. I was so awesome. Wasn't it? I believe
• 26:05
  that was Ben Franklin. So, you know, again, but it's hard to even to say a penny for your
• 26:14
  thoughts because they're not minting pennies anymore. So that's kind of an interesting thing,
• 26:17
  but I don't want to get back to the three, two, one. So I'm doing kind of like a little three,
• 26:20
  two, one. What are some more seeds I could plant? Just a few. And just to make it real simple.
• 26:27
  So three is just take three deep breaths. And Elle, if you would please with me now,
• 26:33
  we're just going to take three nice breaths. And as Elle is inhaling and exhaling, I just want to
• 26:40
  say, there's no right way to do this or wrong way to do this. It's just, just take three breaths.
• 26:48
  The reason we're doing this is again, this is an example of a pause because you might have,
• 26:55
  even if it's a great moment, I want you to savor that great moment. If you're having a
• 27:00
  not so great moment, then I want you to be able to redirect. And when you're having a absolutely
• 27:07
  not great moment, I don't want you to stay stuck in the suffering of it. There will be moments of
• 27:17
  pain and suffering. They're just moments, but I want to stress moments. If things get extended,
• 27:24
  that is a choice for the most part. There are exceptions, but for the most part. So
• 27:29
  just taking three deep breaths. Wow. You are now centered in your body again. You're in the present
• 27:34
  moment. This is where the power is. And then this is kind of fun. This is where the playtime is.
• 27:40
  Two resets after you pause, because we need to either anchor in an awesome thing that's happening
• 27:50
  or we need to hop off that awful thing that's not feeling good and get onto a new, I'm just
• 27:59
  Our brain has all these beautiful neurons, and they're wiring and firing all the time,
• 28:04
  and they wire and fire together and they grow stronger. So let's say that I'm having a great
• 28:10
  time with Elle on this podcast, which I am. Taking a couple deep breaths just to say, yeah,
• 28:16
  I'm here right now. Instead of thinking about anything else in the past or future, no,
• 28:19
  we're here right now on this podcast. And I'm going to take a sip from this cup.
• 28:23
  And this cup has a blend of peppermint and ginger tea.
• 28:31
  That sounds good. It's very spicy. I just tried it for the first time last night, and I like it.
• 28:35
  And I'm going to add cinnamon next time. So what's the point of this? No, it's fun because
• 28:41
  it's helping me stay in a feeling mode in this moment. Now, Elle, please allow me because I
• 28:51
  We are mostly made of water and rain comes down from the heavens. And I encourage us all
• 28:56
  to take sips of water whenever possible. It's also a wonderful way to, again,
• 29:01
  have this nice feeling moment because we're using some of our five senses.
• 29:05
  All right. And then another one, just because it doesn't have to all about taste, but
• 29:11
  I do love to eat. You can also take your thumb and index finger as another example of something
• 29:18
  you can do for that. Two resets for after your pause. This I learned specifically in this way
• 29:25
  from positive intelligence, which I think is brilliant that you just take your thumb and
• 29:29
  index finger. You lightly rub them together with just such attention that you can feel your own
• 29:36
  unique fingerprints. Now, if you like, you can close your eyes unless you're driving them. Please
• 29:41
  don't. And you can breathe through this. And it's just for a moment. And this is an option.
• 29:45
  Then you can open your eyes. And what did we just do there? Well, we just,
• 29:49
  it is either a welcome break in a thought pattern or something that's happening that's not great,
• 29:59
  not good. Or if we're just having a moment, it's just like, you know what? I just need to take a
• 30:03
  moment. Life is good. Life is great. I'm having a great day. Okay, cool. And so that is, so the
• 30:11
  three, two, one, three breaths. As you pause. Yeah, thank you. And then just two kind of fun.
• 30:19
  Just think of something like I have a poster on my wall. It's a calendar. And it's from
• 30:25
  Alice in Wonderland, the Disney movie in the 1950s. And I just love that poster. And it's
• 30:31
  beautiful. It has beautiful saturated color. It's very rich. It's and I love looking at it and just
• 30:37
  looking at something beautiful. I'm looking at some someone beautiful right now. Her name is
• 30:42
  Elle. She looks magnificent in that pink. I have to celebrate that again with you.
• 30:47
  And it ties into the number one. What's the one stand for? How about a compliment? I love giving
• 30:54
  compliments. And so there I just one action that you can do, which is also part of your C note.
• 31:02
  A compliment. Yes. And you can compliment others. And sometimes it's easier to compliment others
• 31:08
  than yourselves. That's okay. You can even compliment yours. It doesn't matter what
• 31:11
  you're complimenting yourself on. Now, of course, there's so many things to compliment with Elle.
• 31:15
  Her hair is so glorious. I could get lost in her eyes. They are just they are dynamic. They are
• 31:22
  just so powerful and beautiful. I love that color lip is fabulous. Again, that color on you that
• 31:27
  pink. I celebrate it. I love the background that you have that beautiful, the beautiful blues on the
• 31:32
  wall of those paintings. So cool. And you know, that was very easy to do a natural because it's
• 31:39
  what I felt in my heart. Complimenting myself depends on the day. But everybody, I'll just
• 31:44
  give you like one bonus. Like you can compliment yourself on anything. I got up this morning.
• 31:50
  I compliment myself on that. That's an accomplishment and a compliment. I'll
• 31:55
  compliment myself on the fact that I remember to wear a nice sparkly necklace because it was
• 31:58
  very special occasion to be here with Elle. I can compliment myself on the fact that I
• 32:05
  did write down some notes. I mean, it's fun for me to be off the cuff, just like,
• 32:09
  oh, we're just going to freestyle. But then what's well, it's nice to have something. Oh,
• 32:12
  yes, that's what I wanted to talk about. And I also would like to compliment our mentor,
• 32:18
  Danielle Benson, who is our leader for our podcast group, our Inspired Speaking Network,
• 32:28
  because I love that she talks about the power of threes. And I want to tie back to what we talked
• 32:34
  about earlier when there was the celebration of the summer and then you mirrored it back to me.
• 32:40
  And then we talked about it again. And that was so powerful. Do we give ourselves time
• 32:47
  to work through things and to go through something three times is very powerful. And that's what
• 32:53
  Danielle has taught us. And so thank you for letting me share that, Elle, with your audience,
• 32:58
  because she is also a wonderful woman to work with. And I thank her so much for bringing us
• 33:04
  together. And I thank you so much for all of your inspiration for me. It's like we've only just
• 33:10
  met. And yet look, look at where we are. We have podcasts. They are awesome. And yes. So thank you
• 33:21
  for letting me let me share that. And I want to compliment you, Miss Tif, because you shared
• 33:33
  some wonderful wisdom with your PFA, the pause, feel and take action. You take three breaths as
• 33:42
  you pause. You anchor in two moments of feeling and then you have that C-note action to compliment
• 33:54
  yourself and others. And as you were sharing, Tif, I was thinking about how in the threes
• 34:04
  that you were talking about, the good, the bad and the not so good, right? I want to start with
• 34:13
  the bad really quick. Yeah. Because one, that's where our brain goes first. So let's go where our
• 34:23
  brain goes first. I'm not going to fight against that. Why not? Why resist? So we, as women,
• 34:33
  we have so many different roles in life, right? What role do I want to pick to talk about this
• 34:40
  bad thing? Hmm. I'll talk about work. Okay. At work, we have supervisors, we have co-workers,
• 34:51
  we have people that we serve, so to speak, or that, sorry, I don't like the word serve,
• 34:58
  people that we collaborate with. Okay. And when we collaborate with those individuals,
• 35:06
  I have had experiences where I've done my part in the collaboration and someone else hasn't done
• 35:18
  their part and they want to make me have a bad day by going to my supervisor and saying,
• 35:28
  Elle didn't do what she was supposed to, to then take the attention off of themselves.
• 35:37
  And I'm like, when I have, when I've had those days, I, I say some words, okay.
• 35:49
  Vocalize it. Yes. I say some words. I might, um, hit something, something, not someone,
• 35:59
  um, I might throw something against the wall. I remember this episode on Grey's Anatomy where
• 36:07
  Joe was throwing something soft against the wall because it allowed her to get that energy out of
• 36:15
  her body. And when we are having those bad kind of days or what, what I'm describing the action
• 36:24
  that I took on those bad days was, I didn't always pause. Sometimes I went straight to the feeling
• 36:34
  and I sat in the feeling. I know Tif, you said, don't do that. But before I met you,
• 36:41
  it depends. Yeah. But before I met you, I would stay in the, in that heavy, I'm having a bad,
• 36:51
  no good kind of day. I don't know whoever said that quote, whatever. I just remember as a kid,
• 36:57
  this bad, horribly bad, no good kind of day. Don't know the author. It wasn't me. All right. So,
• 37:04
  and I would sit in that for a long time because again, our brains are like, that was a threat
• 37:14
  that threatened my livelihood by someone putting something on me that really wasn't mine. And
• 37:20
  because I didn't know to be in control of myself and be able to take a deep breath and say, that
• 37:28
  has nothing to do with me. Let me bring my receipts and say, Nope, I did this. I did this. I did this.
• 37:34
  I'm a detailed person. So that's all I had to do. I didn't have to sit in my anger. Right? And then
• 37:40
  I could have made that choice to have a different day. And that, but the action that I actually took
• 37:49
  was sitting in it way longer than I probably should have to next section. I didn't just do
• 37:55
  one. I would complain to coworkers. I do. Can you believe what he just did? I said the same thing
• 38:02
  and he just mansplained it. What the, you know, no shade on dudes, but Hey, it happens. Right?
• 38:10
  Cause women I've had women do it to me too. So I just wanted to bring a specific example to kind of
• 38:17
  bring some levity here. So I love it. Thank you. Yes. And having those bad days,
• 38:24
  that is really a true thing. And then for those bad days that you don't have control over Tif,
• 38:36
  I had two of them when my parents passed away. Yeah. Absolutely no control over that.
• 38:46
  And there's definitely no timeline on the grief that happens. And I could be having a good day.
• 39:00
  And then I don't remember what day it is, but guess what my body does. And I'm like,
• 39:09
  why am I so agitated and easily all the different things, right? Yeah. And I'm like, Oh,
• 39:20
  it's June. This is the month my dad passed away. And that's why it's important to have
• 39:31
  that mind body connection because your body remembers. And if we don't take that time to
• 39:39
  pause, breathe it in, go ahead and think, and then feel, take those two moments to feel and get
• 39:50
  in the moment. And then for me, my action, my C action was to cry, which is okay. Because after
• 40:06
  I cried Tif and everybody on the other side of that, I was like, Oh man, my dad was hilarious.
• 40:17
  Okay. So when you guys see me being silly or making crazy puns or references to movies,
• 40:26
  books and whatnot, that is my dad coming out. That's my dad. So, and it's like,
• 40:36
  I'm both of my parents and though they are not physically on this earth, they're in me.
• 40:44
  So I could take that day where it's heavy and it's grief. And then because grief is actually a bowl
• 40:54
  of emotions. It's a mix. It's a stew of emotions. And then I could say, Huh,
• 41:03
  I feel better. I've cried. I've acknowledged my dad. I remember, I may remember some things that
• 41:12
  I don't appreciate, but I also remember the lessons underneath some of that stuff.
• 41:16
  And then I can laugh and have be who I am because he helped shape me and mold me as well.
• 41:27
  So no matter what kind of day we're having, we can have that choice. We can set that intention
• 41:36
  and we can have our C moment, whatever the C is, the note of C as we pause, feel, take action.
• 41:48
  ABC one, two, three. Yeah. Maybe you and me. Yes. I couldn't resist cause I, oh, thank you.
• 41:58
  Wow. Yeah. And that's the practicality and the groundedness of what you were saying.
• 42:06
  And as I said to you guys, Tif, when we say positively yours,
• 42:13
  look, she gave you a ABC three, two, one framework, some action that you can actually
• 42:22
  take with you. Like right now, just, just take that gift of being able to pause, feel, take action.
• 42:32
  And one of those actions compliment yourself. And I love that because that ties into being
• 42:41
  able to start with what you can celebrate and who are you being? What at these, this is who you are
• 42:52
  at your heart. And when you begin to take notice and compliment yourself and say, Hey, like for me,
• 43:03
  I, I, all of the appreciation that has been aimed my way. Let me be honest. I've sometimes wanted
• 43:14
  to hide. Yeah. Okay. Because I'm like, I'm actually being appreciated. My cup is being
• 43:23
  filled with appreciation because I'm connected with Tif and we are connected. And we're,
• 43:31
  we're going to share this connection moment with others to where you all can feel it too.
• 43:40
  And when you might be having a day, that's good. You can listen to this and be even better. If
• 43:47
  you're having a not so good day, you can be like, Oh wait, it's not so good, but I can choose to
• 43:53
  make it good. And if you're having a bad day, you can make it a not so bad day. That's right.
• 43:59
  Everything. You can just take one level up, change. That's a C no and change where you are.
• 44:09
  Yeah. Yeah. This is just so awesome. And I, I really wanted, and I hope you were fine with me
• 44:19
  using some of my own life experience just to show how your, what you gave to us is
• 44:28
  applicable. It's grounded. It's, it's action that we can take. The floor is yours. What is,
• 44:37
  what you got? I feel like I just, I was so, thank you so much for, thank you for being
• 44:47
  you. Thank you for being you. Thank you for bringing that. I was so grateful. I was so
• 44:51
  grateful. I got to say it one more time. So grateful when you were talking about,
• 44:57
  talking about work, that was awesome. And yeah. And thank you for reminding me that
• 45:04
  it's, it's, it's also fun to play. Cause when I was putting, as I, as I put that together and
• 45:09
  then I try to remember like, you know, the three breaths and you're going to take at least one
• 45:12
  compliment. You can do as many of these as you need, right? It's just, do you need to take six?
• 45:17
  Yes, please take six. I usually start with just a couple of different sensory things like either,
• 45:23
  you know, you can, you can even snap your fingers. You go, you're like this
• 45:29
  cause you're hearing your own voice or doing this and looking at things and touching, tasting,
• 45:36
  feeling, smelling. Again, that's just, you can take your pick and then a compliment. But again,
• 45:43
  just do whatever you need to do with those. So thanks for letting me,
• 45:47
  thanks for letting me workshop that a bit more. And thank you because this, our lives are a
• 45:52
  playground. We're here to play. We really are here to play. And thank you for letting me play
• 45:58
  here. It's fun. It's fun to be with you and I feel so blessed and I appreciate you.
• 46:05
  It's fun to be with you Tif. And I can't wait till after we get off here
• 46:11
  because we're going to play some more. Because that is so important what you just said,
• 46:20
  to play. Creativity is a form of play. It's fun. Laughter. I love to color. That's one of my sensory
• 46:33
  things. And I was on Facebook. I need to find her because she's going to be on my podcast again.
• 46:42
  She's going to be on my podcast because we were coloring and I was so used to, I'm, I'm,
• 46:49
  I'm a detailed person. I already told y'all that, right? So when I colored,
• 46:54
  I would color inside the lines. But when I got on and I'm, I will find, I will find it and put
• 47:03
  it in the show notes so you guys can hear about, um, and see what I did because I colored outside
• 47:10
  the lines. I used markers, crayons, matte colors, and I just colored on the page. And it was so fun
• 47:23
  to color outside the lines, to make something beautiful that most people would be like,
• 47:32
  did a kid do that? But guess what? Children play. They experiment. And that is what we get to do,
• 47:44
  even as adults, because we can sit in these rigid rules, these expectations that we never
• 47:54
  chose. And we can be sticks in the mud and held captive because the rules hold you captive and
• 48:01
  hold you small and they're not yours. You didn't choose them. Not necessarily. It could have been
• 48:07
  passed down from society, from culture, whatever. Right. Yeah. But when we step into what I call
• 48:16
  expectancy, expect and see, because expectations aren't bad. We can expect like, Hey, I'm going to
• 48:25
  have a good day. And I expect to have a good day. Right. You're going, and then you're going to wait
• 48:32
  and see what actually happens throughout your day. Right. So you can be going, you're, you're, you set
• 48:37
  the intention, you got the expectation of having a good day. And then, as I said, someone from work
• 48:43
  does something, gets your dander up, touches a nerve. And you're like, wait a minute. I said
• 48:49
  that I'm going to, that I expect to have a good day. I get to make a choice here.
• 48:54
  Am I going to allow this person to get me off my intention? No. So I'm going to feel, I'm going to
• 49:03
  express, I'm going to express, get it out of my body in that moment because it's okay to feel.
• 49:09
  And guess what? Feelings can change, change that feel, express it and change, move on. And then
• 49:18
  you keep going throughout your day. And then you see, Hey, look at me. I, uh, I changed my feeling
• 49:27
  after I expressed it. That's real important. I don't know how many times I'm going to tell you
• 49:32
  that, but that's real important. I learned, I learned that from Alexa. Cause she was like,
• 49:40
  a lot of times people feel, believe that in order to get through something, you got to journal,
• 49:48
  go to counseling, everything else. But sometimes it's being grounded in your body and feeling it
• 49:53
  through, which is also what you said, Tif. So we'll have a conversation with Alexa in a future
• 50:00
  season, by the way, express it, express. Yes. And then figure out, huh, I've expressed it.
• 50:09
  Now, what do I want to do again? Intention and choice. Yeah. And you can live in that
• 50:16
  experimentation of the playfulness of what's possible throughout your day. And Tif, you gave
• 50:27
  possibilities, the PFA, the three, two, one, and, and it's expandable. You do with it. You still
• 50:38
  have a choice. It's just the small seed that you introduced to us, Tif. And then we get to plant it
• 50:48
  in our lives, take action on it, implement it, and see what happens to where we can have this
• 50:58
  framework that we can flow within and play and be ourselves celebrating, complimenting
• 51:10
  all the things, all the things. This has been so fun. Oh, I'm so I've, I've, I'm having so much
• 51:19
  fun. I've had so much fun. You are, you're amazing. And you are too, Tif. You are beyond
• 51:30
  amazing as well. And for our, our audience, I know you gave us the PFA and the three, two, one,
• 51:39
  was there any thing else that you want our audience to know about? Please share what you want.
• 51:49
  Oh my gosh, you're so sweet. I want to go, well, how much time do we have?
• 51:52
  Take hours. No, it doesn't have to. Here's, if I could talk, cause as I, you know, I'm trying to be
• 52:01
  all, it's fun to create and then you want to be clever. And I admit it took a lot of time with
• 52:08
  that acronym or, you know, those three letters, cause I would run it through different things
• 52:12
  and make sure that it wasn't contradictory to something else. And, and then I just thought,
• 52:17
  yeah, you know what? That's a, that's okay. I think if I were to end on a fun note,
• 52:25
  it would be, there's that ease and flow. And it, it's just that reminder. I love Dr. Michael
• 52:33
  Beckwith and there is one of his, I'll have to share it with you all. It's, it's on, I think,
• 52:40
  I can't remember where it's on, but he just, he kind of jokes around the, oh, I'm breaking it
• 52:45
  hard. Just making it so hard. And it's just, it's so funny. And then he just talks about the,
• 52:51
  that there's that ease and flow when I think it's called your law, your life. And, and when
• 52:59
  you are being you, then that's, that's just, it's just all you need. It's just all there
• 53:06
  and it's beautiful. And so thanks for letting me just remind everyone that I know we can make it
• 53:12
  hard, but we can also allow ourselves some grace with this ease and flow and just take it one step
• 53:20
  at a time, one moment at a time, one breath at a time. And I truly want to remind us and not just
• 53:27
  plant a seed, but plant thousands of them at one time, everywhere around you. The power is always
• 53:34
  in the present moment. Like right now, this is where it's at. This is where it's always at.
• 53:40
  And the more we can anchor ourselves and ground ourselves and connect ourselves to this moment,
• 53:47
  and it is so much more fun. It is so much easier when you're with people that you love. And I love
• 53:51
  you, Al. And thank you for letting us connect to have these moments together and just be here. Like
• 53:56
  I'm not thinking about what happened before or what we're going to do next. Although I'm excited
• 53:59
  that I'm going to be on that next call with you, but I'm here now with you. So the power of now
• 54:05
  and to just take that pause and just take a breath. Just if that's all, just take a pause,
• 54:10
  take a breath, just acknowledge where you're at. And just if you can save it, great. If you can't,
• 54:18
  then take action on something else. It's okay. Like it doesn't even have to be in any order,
• 54:22
  but the power is now. So thank you for that. Letting me just share that the power is now,
• 54:27
  and it's been awesomely powerful being with you. I feel powerful and happy and I'm having a great
• 54:34
  day with you. So thank you. Thank you, Tif. And I want to echo what you just said. The power
• 54:43
  is in the present. And as capable women juggling so many different roles and so many different hats,
• 54:56
  we can get stuck in the past and like, oh, I can't believe I did that.
• 55:01
  Oh, and then we're just in our heads about it. I wish I would have done it this way. I wish
• 55:09
  I would have done it that way. And we're just ruminating. But Tif just gave us the greatest
• 55:15
  gift to say that our power is in the present. And the tools, the resource that she gave us,
• 55:29
  P3 is pause and take three breaths. That brings you back to the present. F feel two anchoring
• 55:42
  items, action in your body, fingertips lightly that anchors you in taking a sip of tea.
• 55:53
  You're present. You're in the now. And then a one, an action to compliment. And I'm going to
• 56:05
  say compliment yourself. I like that. Yes, I want to claim that with you. Thank you.
• 56:11
  Yeah. So this has been an awesome time with you, Tif. And one other thing I want to like,
• 56:22
  leave you guys with on the inspired speaker podcast network, Tif hosts positively yours.
• 56:32
  Please listen. The link will also be in the show notes. Thank you guys so much for joining us and
• 56:42
  having fun with us today and just appreciating yourselves breathing, doing the PFA. Hopefully
• 56:51
  your eyes open as you were driving. And with that, we are going to sign off so we can do
• 56:58
  elevating conversations that happen every single Wednesday where we can continue to elevate each
• 57:05
  other. Take care everyone.