Latest / onefjef / Conversations, Confessions & Cow Testicles

Transcript

Conversations, Confessions & Cow Testicles · onefjef

0:01
Yankee doodle went to down, riding on a pony, like a bird in the
0:09
sky, and going like a whale, me.
0:12
Very good, Jeffrey.
0:13
This is episode 49 of onefjef.
0:17
49 is a number with strange range.
0:20
It's the square of 7, which gives it a mystical reputation in
0:22
numerology, since 7 is often tied to introspection, luck, and spirituality.
0:27
In the United States, 49 instantly evokes the Gold Rush era 49ers.
0:33
The thousands of prospectors who rushed to California in 1849, chasing gold and
0:38
usually finding disappointment instead.
0:40
In many spiritual traditions, cycles of 49 days are associated with
0:45
transition, rebirth or mourning, especially in some Buddhist practices.
0:49
And psychologically, 49 has that peculiar unfinished feeling
0:53
because it sits one step below 50.
0:56
Close enough to feel significant, but just off round enough to feel slightly uneasy.
1:01
Can you believe it?
1:02
49 episodes of this podcast.
1:05
If you can believe it, then I will be surprised for both of us.
1:09
I will be amazed, surprised, and bewildered.
1:13
All of us listening, because I cannot believe that this is episode 49 of
1:21
this Here podcast that I began a little less than a year ago today.
1:28
As I've been editing this compilation episode, which is what
1:30
you're about to hear, it's been quite the trip down memory lane.
1:35
The things this podcast has brought into my life are immeasurable.
1:39
It's, it's really amazing, and I'm not even sure I'd be living in
1:43
Mexico City right now if it wasn't for this podcast, to be honest.
1:47
Yeah, I mean the podcast kind of flipped a switch, and um, I started finally,
1:52
well not finally, but I started living, living in earnest, doing all the things.
2:01
Not worrying so much, although I do still worry quite a bit about things,
2:04
but don't we all, don't we all, I appreciate all of you, my listeners, new
2:10
and old, young and old, Mexican, German, American, Canadian, Icelandic, whatever.
2:20
I love and appreciate you all.
2:22
There are quite a few podcasts out there these days, and I can't tell you how
2:28
meaningful it is to me that you yourself choose out of all those podcasts out
2:33
there, you choose this one to listen to.
2:36
So as I said, this episode is just a compilation of clips from the
2:42
last 48 episodes of this podcast.
2:45
Some short, some long.
2:47
Some funny, some poignant, so on and so on.
2:50
I would love to make a list for you so that if you're a new listener and
2:55
you're listening to this compilation and you're like, Oh, that sounds
2:58
like an interesting episode.
2:59
Which one is that?
3:01
But I, I, I didn't, I'm not doing that.
3:03
I'm sorry, but.
3:05
If you really want to know where a clip came from, and you
3:08
want to hear that episode, just email me, onefjefpod at gmail.
3:11
com, or, better yet, call me, 1 669 241 5882.
3:22
That was a good one.
3:23
That was a good one.
3:24
I don't care what you think.
3:26
Yes, give me a call or email me.
3:28
I'll tell you exactly what episode everything is from.
3:30
You can hear it right from the source, as it were.
3:33
In addition to being episode 49, this is also the last
3:36
episode of season 1 of onefjef.
3:40
I did not know at all when I was going to change seasons with podcasts.
3:45
It seems very arbitrary.
3:46
Nobody seems to have, there's no rule.
3:48
For a while, I thought I'll just do season 1 the entire time,
3:50
but then I moved to Mexico.
3:52
So, it seems like a perfect time to, you know, roll over the old clock, whatever
3:59
they say, you know, turn the page of the calendar, whatever, whatever metaphor
4:03
you want to use, and start season two.
4:05
And start season two with a new focus, which is going to be, as I've
4:08
said, about being an expat here.
4:12
In Mexico City, I'll be talking to expats.
4:15
I already have talked to some.
4:16
I'll be talking myself as I always do and I'll be doing other things, you know,
4:22
maybe some interpretive dance, which you won't be able to see because this
4:25
is an audio podcast But you never know.
4:27
Maybe there'll even be some video at some point.
4:29
It wouldn't that be exciting?
4:31
Yes.
4:31
Yes, it would be exciting.
4:33
Anyway, I will stop rambling now But wow, it's uh, yeah,
4:38
it's something else, isn't it?
4:40
I know this isn't as meaningful for you as it is for me, because I'm the one
4:43
who's made every single one of these episodes, but I'm kind of impressed
4:47
with myself, so hopefully you can be impressed with me with me, right?
4:53
Right.
4:55
As always, thank you for listening.
4:59
Thank you for being here.
5:01
Here's my dear friend, Chris Casey and I from the first, well, second episode,
5:05
but the first real episode of onefjef.
5:12
So this is the podcast.
5:13
This is it.
5:14
This is it right here.
5:15
This is, this is it.
5:16
We're doing it.
5:17
I'm, I'm, I'm doing it.
5:18
You're doing it.
5:19
We're, we're, we're, we're on the podcast.
5:21
I'm, I'm thrilled to be on it.
5:23
And, um, It really feels like, uh, it's been a long time coming, this podcast.
5:29
Right.
5:29
I've been thinking about this for years.
5:31
And, uh, then I learned how to do it at my last job, which will go unnamed.
5:36
And, uh, thought, hey, I've got this equipment.
5:38
It's not hard anymore.
5:39
Here's an easy way to make a million bucks.
5:41
Am I right?
5:42
Yeah, it's very easy, famously easy to make a million dollars.
5:45
Yeah, I think a couple months is all you need.
5:46
One or two months I think is pretty much the standard I've read.
5:49
I think the best strategy is to record like two or three episodes,
5:53
then let six or seven months go by.
5:56
That's the plan.
5:56
Then you do an update apologizing for why there's been a gap, and then another
6:01
year goes by, and then That is my plan.
6:03
Yeah.
6:04
Did you ever kill anybody?
6:06
Yeah.
6:07
Yeah.
6:07
Had an opportunity to do that.
6:09
What does that mean?
6:11
There's only one guy that I know for sure that I drew my M68 red
6:15
dot sight on and dropped him.
6:17
Okay.
6:17
Everything else was kind of Maybe I hit somebody, maybe I didn't.
6:21
Maybe we hit somebody.
6:23
And how was, I mean, did that shake you up at all?
6:25
Or did you just like think that was part of the job?
6:27
No.
6:27
We It ended up landing on a crew that was trying to prep an IED site.
6:32
They were being kind of brazen.
6:34
They were digging a hole in broad daylight and we just happened to be passing by.
6:38
And so my lead vehicle reports back to me and says, Hey, I think I've got
6:42
guys on the side of the road digging.
6:43
I'm like, okay, well go up, speed up and try to detain him.
6:47
Car takes off.
6:48
He takes off after the car, shoots it up with a machine gun.
6:52
Uh, the two other guys.
6:53
They see that Humvee, so they run the opposite way, which
6:55
just happens to be right at me.
6:57
And so between me and my gunner, we, uh, took the other, those two guys down.
7:00
War is such a strange thing, if you really break it down, because
7:03
these are just people thinking they're doing the right thing.
7:05
Right?
7:06
You're thinking that you're doing the right thing, and
7:08
it's just I never hated them.
7:09
I gotta be honest, I was never angry at anybody for trying to kill me.
7:11
Because nobody, everybody's just doing their quote unquote job,
7:14
and like, everybody's got, yeah.
7:16
It's just such an interesting dynamic, you know?
7:17
Yeah.
7:18
Um, I mean, it's like you think back to, what, was it World War I, where
7:21
they The, the Christmas Eve or whatever, when they all got together and hung out
7:24
soccer matches and Right, right, right.
7:25
Stuff like that.
7:26
Yeah.
7:26
Um, which they stopped obviously after that because Right.
7:29
God forbid, we, they were like, oh, you can't start seeing
7:31
the enemy as a human being.
7:32
I mean, I guess that's true in a way.
7:34
I mean, that would make it harder if you just played soccer with
7:36
somebody to start mm-hmm . Yeah.
7:39
I set off with the intention of it being a, um, six month, um, cycle ride.
7:44
Basically, I'd saved South America as a big trip.
7:49
Uh, so I looked at, um, I was working offshore at the time and, um, I
7:54
was looking at it and I thought, well, there's no train routes.
7:58
It'll all be by buses, which I didn't really fancy.
8:02
And then I thought about a motorbike, uh, but I've got no real history of
8:06
riding motorbike or maintaining one.
8:08
And I thought that sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
8:11
So, uh, I basically trialed a fold up bike in Burma for three weeks.
8:17
I've been flown into Bangkok and bought one.
8:20
Uh, and, uh, yeah, I was like, this is doable.
8:23
So then, um, it was just going to be a six month cycle trip, uh, back to Australia.
8:29
Uh, but by the time I got there, I thought I'd just as well cycle around Australia
8:34
whilst I've got the, uh, the visa, uh, and then during those two years, uh,
8:41
I was like, yeah, Japan might be nice.
8:44
Uh, and then I, Southeast Asia, uh, Northern India.
8:48
Uh, Kazakhstan.
8:50
You've done all these, you've biked across all these countries, all these places.
8:54
Yeah.
8:54
Wow.
8:54
Yeah.
8:55
Yeah.
8:56
Did you train before you started this whole adventure,
8:59
or did you just start doing it?
9:01
Yeah, I, um, I wasn't much of a cyclist, um, uh, and probably even
9:08
when I'm not cycling around the world, I, cycling's not something I,
9:13
um, think, oh, I'll get on the bike.
9:15
Huh.
9:16
Um, so.
9:18
I just find it the best way to travel.
9:21
If you truly get into a relationship with a tree, if you tend to the tree, if you
9:25
sit with a tree, if you meditate with this one tree over and over and over every
9:29
single day, it truly is such a teacher.
9:32
It starts, stuff starts happening.
9:34
Like it starts like giving you gifts, like.
9:38
Weird fucking shit starts happening.
9:40
Huh.
9:40
And do you have a tree that you do this with?
9:42
I do.
9:43
I have one that's it's so it's the tree that's right outside my bedroom window.
9:46
So it like protects my bedroom.
9:49
It's right over my bedroom and I feed it water and I also feed it.
9:54
So I use my menstrual blood and feed it menstrual blood every month.
9:58
And, um, so that's a whole thing.
10:01
So, because the menstrual blood has.
10:02
Like vitamins and minerals and stuff in it that is good for
10:05
plants, but then it's also your DNA.
10:07
And so the plant is like knowing your DNA and is like, you know, um, and then
10:13
the animals that come to that tree and like the squirrels and the birds and
10:17
like the life that lives in that tree.
10:19
And that tree will like, give me little gifts, like a pine cone from that tree
10:22
fell just like on my front doorstep and it protects my bedroom, you know,
10:27
and I just hang out and you can have.
10:29
I mean, you can get as weird as you want to get with it.
10:31
You can have conversations with it.
10:32
You can ask it its name.
10:33
You can like hang out fully with the tree.
10:36
You can fuck it.
10:37
You could fuck a tree.
10:38
I do kiss it.
10:39
Have you?
10:39
You've never fucked a tree, though, have you?
10:41
I've never fucked a tree.
10:41
Because that'd be great content if you had, this whole I do kiss it.
10:45
It's a real tree hugger to the next degree.
10:48
I love it.
10:49
I just, I couldn't do it because I don't have any menstrual blood, though.
10:52
I would have to like check a check off on it or something.
10:53
I use spit, too.
10:55
If I don't have anything else to offer, I'll just.
10:57
Use my spit, I'll spit on the tree.
10:59
But you do it respectfully, like at the base.
11:00
You're not spitting on the tree . Yeah, yeah, yeah.
11:02
It's not a disrespectful thing because a tree's language, if
11:05
you think about it, is water.
11:07
Mm-hmm . Is soil is nutrients.
11:09
Right.
11:09
And so speaking in its language is like, this is what I have to offer you
11:12
is the water for my, it's like dune.
11:14
I had a big weight fall on my foot when I was four years old.
11:17
Huh.
11:18
And crushed one of my toes.
11:19
And my mom didn't know what to do, you know, so she just picked me up and she
11:25
laid her hand on my foot and she prayed for it and it just went back to normal.
11:29
No kidding.
11:29
Just immediately.
11:30
Yeah, the pain went away, the color came back.
11:32
And do you attribute this to divine power?
11:35
Intervention of some sort?
11:36
That's a great question and I've thought about that a ton because as I've had
11:39
to kind of change the context, reframe it, I really think that What allowed it
11:45
was what we could call as a poetic term of faith, you know, and the power that
11:51
belief Can, I don't know how else to say it, like shift reality essentially.
11:56
No, I get it.
11:57
I mean there, there's, there's validity to the power of prayer.
11:59
I don't think it's just prayer though.
12:01
I think it's just energy being, you know.
12:03
Of course.
12:03
I have some arthritis in my toe.
12:05
I wonder if your mom could feed you.
12:06
You know, what's funny is, is She was a pastor in one of the biggest churches
12:11
here in Columbus for a long time.
12:13
And now she is a witch.
12:16
I mean, it's, it's a path.
12:17
Yeah.
12:18
Oh yeah.
12:18
Yeah, absolutely.
12:19
Absolutely.
12:20
Again, it's just discovering this relationship with energy
12:24
or the universe or whatever you
12:29
What made you move to Vegas?
12:31
I found my mother murdered in her home.
12:33
No kidding?
12:33
Two days after her 61st birthday.
12:35
Jesus Christ!
12:36
What do you know?
12:37
Did they find out why?
12:38
What were the Yeah, I took her to dinner for her 61st birthday,
12:42
April 12th, uh, April 22nd, 2012.
12:45
I found her April 25th, 2012, and covered up with her comforter in the hallway.
12:54
She was asleep in her bed, in a completely random cold case for eight years.
12:59
Um, and you know, I don't care where you live in the world, the safest
13:03
place in the world is supposed to be in your bed in your home.
13:05
Right, so they say, yeah.
13:07
And, uh, we, there was no forced injury.
13:09
We think he got in through a gas bedroom window.
13:13
At the time of the murder, 22 year old black kid.
13:16
Wow.
13:16
Rape, sir. Beats her to death and rapes her again post mortem.
13:20
Wow.
13:21
And didn't they steal anything?
13:23
The money out of her purse.
13:24
Right, right, right.
13:24
Little shit, little knick knack thing.
13:26
God, that's But the, the detective seemed to think it was sexually motivated.
13:31
Wow.
13:32
I'm sorry to hear that, man.
13:33
That's a, that's a nuts story.
13:34
Unbelievable.
13:35
Yeah.
13:36
Literally un fucking believable.
13:38
Yeah, no kidding, dude.
13:39
Especially when there's no, no You know, thank God for science and DNA.
13:46
Because they were never gonna get them.
13:48
There was no phone calls, emails, text messages.
13:52
They didn't, they were strangers.
13:53
Right.
13:54
And those are always the hardest murders to solve.
13:56
Sure, but now they solved it.
13:58
There's a guy in prison?
13:59
Oh yeah.
14:00
Oh good, well that's something anyway.
14:01
Yeah,
14:04
but thank God.
14:05
You know, he left his DNA, he left his semen and his blood, and that was enough.
14:09
Dude, but I thought he was going to get away with it, too.
14:11
Oh, he, he did get away with it for eight years.
14:14
Thanks, man.
14:14
Hey, enjoy your, uh, trip, Jef.
14:16
Yeah, man, thanks so much, man.
14:17
Good luck to you, my friend.
14:18
Patricia said she wanted to take me to have these tacos.
14:22
It's like a taco stand that just focused, I guess, on the head of the animal.
14:26
Beef.
14:27
Beef head, the cow head.
14:30
Um, so yeah, it had all the different parts from the head.
14:33
I'm not sure if there was a nose or whatever, but, uh Well, nose?
14:36
I'm not sure.
14:37
Yeah, I don't think anybody wants the nose.
14:38
But, yeah, the brain.
14:40
Yeah, we didn't have any brain, I don't think.
14:42
And eyes.
14:42
Oof, yeah, no.
14:43
Ear.
14:44
Yeah.
14:45
What's her favorite part of the cow head?
14:47
Is that favorite part for you?
14:48
Um, chicks.
14:49
I am more, I am not like an big, like a very normal person in right,
14:54
in head Tacos not big on the head.
14:57
Yes, I am, but not the normal parts, not the very, see, I
15:01
don't like the brain or eye.
15:03
Yeah.
15:03
I don't, I don't wanna do that.
15:05
Did they chop up the eye or is it just like looking right at
15:07
you in the taco, in the tortilla?
15:08
No, because it's not.
15:10
The I, I is pretty like just the nerve.
15:12
Oh, okay, so you don't have like a taco with like eyes staring at you.
15:15
No.
15:15
No, yeah, that'd be terrifying.
15:16
You cannot eat that part.
15:18
Right, but the tongue that you gave me was literally just, uh, a tortilla with just
15:24
a, just a tongue just sitting right there.
15:25
No questions about what that was.
15:27
Yeah, I believe that they cook it, but it was really just, it was shocking because
15:31
It's because in Mexico City they do it that way, but in other parts they chop it.
15:35
That would be helpful if they chopped it, yeah.
15:37
Yeah, so you don't realize if any of you are, like, eating, like, eye tacos.
15:42
Yeah, that would have been helpful for me.
15:44
I think in the other one that was mixed, you have a little bit of
15:47
everything, but you didn't realize what, which part you was eating.
15:51
Yeah, I took a bite of the tongue and yeah, not my favorite
15:56
thing, but I appreciate that.
15:58
I think it were not the best Not the best tongue?
16:01
No.
16:02
You can try again.
16:03
No, no.
16:04
Um, well, I don't know that I And even if you find machitos,
16:08
it will be Yeah, what's machitos?
16:11
The balls of the cow.
16:13
Oh, I don't want to, no.
16:14
Absolutely not.
16:15
I'm not eating testicles.
16:17
Have you eaten those?
16:19
No, but what do you prefer?
16:21
To eat that, or to eat Hmm Crickets.
16:27
I'd absolutely eat cricket over testicles.
16:30
Yeah.
16:31
For real.
16:32
I would eat a frog over testicles.
16:34
It would take a lot, a snake.
16:35
I would eat that over testicles.
16:36
Uh, yeah, probably that as well.
16:40
Over testicles?
16:41
Yeah.
16:42
I don't want to eat cow balls.
16:44
Okay.
16:45
I mean, you would eat testicles?
16:47
Yes, for sure.
16:48
With all the options that I said before.
16:50
Yes.
16:50
You'd go with the testicles.
16:51
Yes.
16:52
All right.
16:52
Well, I'd like to know how they are.
16:54
But I prefer that, the, um, like the chicken legs that we saw.
16:59
Like the chicken feet.
17:01
I don't know, maybe.
17:02
With the nails.
17:04
Well, I don't think you eat the nails.
17:05
Yes, I don't know how they do it, but yeah, they take the nails off and
17:11
sometimes they do it with salsa picante.
17:14
I would hope so.
17:15
And with lemon and salt.
17:19
Yeah, you gotta add.
17:20
Like the mango, but with chicken feet.
17:23
Yeah, I think you prefer?
17:25
Yeah, chicken feet, yeah.
17:26
Yeah, I mean you'd really have to spice the balls up a lot and
17:30
make them look as little if they didn't look like testicles at all.
17:32
You never have tried it.
17:34
Either have you, either have you.
17:35
But is it texture, the texture is different.
17:37
It's the knowledge of what I'm eating that's the problem.
17:40
But if we're talking about a penis that would be a whole different game.
17:47
So every time that you are eating chicken you are imagining the chicken.
17:51
What do you mean, imagine?
17:52
So, yeah, it's like, sometimes it's more about the texture than the taste, rather
17:56
than, yes, what it specifically is.
17:58
Okay, how about you?
17:59
Would you eat a duck vagina?
18:01
No.
18:01
See?
18:02
Because I don't love duck.
18:05
Okay, how about a cow vagina?
18:08
Isn't, they don't have, they know that you eat a vagina.
18:10
But if they, some, some places do.
18:12
They eat duck vaginas in China.
18:14
Tell me.
18:14
They sell duck vaginas in Chinatown.
18:16
They absolutely do.
18:17
Show me.
18:18
I mean, I can't do it right now, but next time I come, I'll bring some duck vaginas.
18:22
I think they might take them in customs, but Okay.
18:24
Yeah.
18:25
I went to the penis museum, and blue whales, I think it
18:29
is, have enormous penises.
18:34
Enormous.
18:35
Intimidating.
18:36
They also have a, like a cast, you know, like a clay cast or
18:41
whatever, of Jimi Hendrix's penis.
18:43
And yeah, yeah, that's um, also intimidating, but not even close
18:48
to the whale, because that, whew!
18:54
You'd have to wear special pants.
18:56
Is what I'm saying.
18:57
Another one's in love with the Empire State Building and she goes to New York,
19:01
goes to the Empire State Building and she puts her body up against it and
19:04
starts like humping it and a cop comes up and is like, I'm sorry, ma'am, you
19:08
can't, you can't, you can't do that.
19:10
What do you mean?
19:11
You don't.
19:12
Stop people from humping walls in New York City.
19:14
I thought they'd do shit like that.
19:15
All what?
19:15
I mean, this happens, this is what happens in the movie.
19:17
I'm, I'm the documentary.
19:18
Oh, I, so I'm just telling you right, what the reality was.
19:20
Yeah.
19:20
That's bullshit.
19:21
They should have let her finish.
19:23
Uh, I don't know what the law is about that particularly, but you pumping walls.
19:27
In New York City, like, you know, crackheads be humping walls.
19:30
Let them finish.
19:31
Yeah, I could kind of see it, but I could also see, like, the cops who
19:33
are working by one of the biggest tourist attractions in the entire city.
19:36
Yeah, you're scaring the kids, man.
19:38
Don't want a woman humping the building.
19:39
Stop fucking the building.
19:40
Please don't, please don't fuck the building.
19:42
We'd have to write it down, but There's something very, like, not romantic,
19:47
but, like, kind of epic about falling in love with, like, an iconic Like
19:52
building or structure like a Ferris wheel or an Empire State Building.
19:56
Like, that makes me want to write a movie about something like that.
19:59
Yeah, but there's love of the thing and then there's like wanting to fuck it.
20:02
Yeah, yeah, totally.
20:03
And that's, I, I think that the, uh, the Chrysler building
20:06
is a very attractive building.
20:08
I think it's a great building, but the, the distance from
20:11
here to me wanting to fuck it.
20:13
It's, it's quite a hike.
20:14
I really enjoyed working in hospitals and hanging out with doctors because
20:18
they seem to be uninhibited sexually.
20:23
Really?
20:24
And we talked about, like, why are you so uninhibited compared
20:28
to the normal Spanish person?
20:30
And generally their take was when you're around death, you lose sexual inhibition
20:39
because there's something about Sex that's very, it's about life, right?
20:46
Eros is life force, and so when you're around death, there's an
20:49
impulse to Cultivate the life for us.
20:54
How did you find out that these doctors were like sexually, um, like open?
21:00
By having sex with them.
21:02
Fair enough.
21:04
Fair enough.
21:04
At least some of them.
21:05
When you're our age, your culture was way cooler than when we are our age.
21:10
How's, how's that?
21:11
Like the social media, like.
21:12
Basically, social media is like, how, how quickly can we spread dumb ideas?
21:16
Yeah.
21:16
And so, like, the dumbest ideas become like, oh my god, this is
21:20
the most funny thing in the world.
21:21
I feel like social media is kind of killing our culture, because it then
21:25
gets passed down to a lot of younger kids, and there's not like a, do
21:28
you know, you know brain rot, right?
21:29
We don't have to spend very much time talking about it, but it's just
21:31
like, that's the kind of like, how quickly can dumb ideas spread, and
21:34
somehow people think it's funny, even though it's not funny at all.
21:37
What is unk status?
21:38
When you're like Older than someone like I go to ballet with these girls
21:44
that are going into freshman year They're like, wait, how old are you?
21:47
And I'm like, oh, I'm gonna be a junior.
21:48
They're like, wow, you've like reached on status I was like on status.
21:52
I thought you had to be like 20 to be like, you know what the rules
21:56
of the terminology were No, I mean Teen Gen Z slang is so stupid.
22:01
Yeah.
22:01
What do you got?
22:01
Give me some of this Have you heard of the Italian brain rot?
22:06
I've heard of brain rot, but not the Italian version.
22:09
Okay, there's like, there's that, do you know, like six, seven?
22:12
What does it mean, the Italian brain rot?
22:14
Well, there's a lot of Italian brain rot.
22:16
Don't want to play one on the mic.
22:17
Oh, is it just a type of video?
22:19
Yeah, yeah, play it on the mic.
22:22
Here we go.
22:24
This is gonna be really good.
22:25
All right, I mean, I'm excited for sure.
22:30
Is there a French brain rod or just just Italian?
22:33
No, it's just Italian.
22:33
All right,
22:38
cap.
22:52
I have no idea what's going on there.
22:55
I despise, I hate playing my saxophone alone.
22:59
Like in front of people.
23:01
It's my worst.
23:02
It's genuinely my worst fear.
23:03
Interesting.
23:04
Um, but like You know taking a test in math.
23:08
I don't care.
23:09
Why do you think the saxophone thing is such a big fear?
23:12
I don't know cuz like I are you good at it?
23:15
I'm fine.
23:16
It's like moderate, you know but I don't know it is just my
23:21
worst fear and I remember my My middle school band director.
23:25
I was sitting down.
23:26
I was doing this test And I was like, but he would make us play
23:29
in front of the whole class.
23:31
Wow.
23:31
Like the whole class.
23:32
It was like 50 kids.
23:32
Yeah And I broke down in tears playing like I was sobbing.
23:38
I was crying.
23:38
It was not good.
23:39
Yeah, I somehow finished the test I'm not really sure how my friends were like
23:42
comforting me, but like the whole class is comforting me, which is nice But also bad.
23:47
Yeah, anyway, so he he's like Mia stay after class.
23:51
I need to talk to you So I'm like, okay, this is just getting worse.
23:53
Yeah, and he comes up to me.
23:54
He's like, hey, you know, I got nervous When I was a kid, you know,
23:58
playing too, so like, don't worry, but I wouldn't get as worried as you.
24:03
And then he kind of just sent me off to class.
24:04
I was like great speech.
24:05
What'd you say?
24:06
Thanks for the pep talk.
24:07
Yes Okay Slowly we developed the philosophy that like quantity begets
24:15
quality where if we said no to an idea then it would stifle us and then we
24:22
We wouldn't know where to go next.
24:25
And so the answer was say yes to every idea in front of us Write the song
24:31
about whatever whoever just shouts out a random topic like pickle sandwich,
24:35
you know Tom was eating was cutting up pickles and putting them in bread and I
24:41
was like one of us said like We should do a song called pickle sandwich and
24:45
then as soon as he was done eating it We recorded it, you know, and what what
24:49
we find was like As soon as we're done pickle sandwich we got through that one
24:54
and then a new idea is going to present itself and if we're doing 35 songs in a
24:59
weekend there's going to be some far out wacky weird stuff that people don't like
25:06
but A few times throughout the weekend, we just accidentally would write, like,
25:10
what we considered to be, like, really good, interesting, compelling, uh, works.
25:15
And, you know, we loved all of it, but we're also aware of the fact
25:19
that, like, people might only like a few of them, but still, it was not
25:22
a waste of a weekend by any means.
25:24
Did you know that the poop stuff was gonna blow up like it did?
25:28
I mean, I, I highly suspected it would, I didn't, I didn't have, like, another
25:33
thing people say is like, what kind of like market research do you do?
25:37
Right.
25:37
Like, I don't even know how to do market research, like, my market
25:42
research is, uh, oh, wouldn't it be funny if I did X, Y, or Z, and then,
25:47
then I do it, and sometimes, uh, it goes over well, sometimes it doesn't.
25:52
Me and my friends had a WhatsApp.
25:54
And we were, plug your ears, listeners, we were sending our farts to each other.
25:59
Alex, there's nothing embarrassing about this at all.
26:01
This is, uh, one of, one of the funniest things that I've ever, I
26:04
still think about how, how genius this whole thing was, but keep it going.
26:08
I was, uh, yeah, go ahead.
26:09
Yeah.
26:09
So we, uh, like, yeah, we're recording and sending our farts around.
26:11
We're doing it for quite a while.
26:13
And, uh, how long were you doing it before?
26:14
How long, how long did this go for?
26:15
Uh, we ultimately did it for an entire calendar year.
26:18
Wow.
26:18
How many, so you got what?
26:19
365. Farts are every day.
26:22
Well, it wasn't every day.
26:23
Sometimes there would be a cluster and then maybe we could go by and
26:26
it would be sort of sad and silent and things would perk up again.
26:29
Who started it?
26:29
Was it you or the other person?
26:31
The actual, you know, the initial fart.
26:33
That's a great question.
26:34
I'd have to go back and look.
26:35
Thanks.
26:35
That's, that's, that's one for the, uh.
26:37
And you don't remember.
26:37
That's interesting.
26:38
I would be proud if I was the one who was, I would know.
26:40
I'd be like, yeah, I was the one who did the first.
26:43
Well, you know, yeah.
26:44
Fart humor has been a part of my life, uh, you know.
26:47
Forever.
26:48
So, oh, never goes away.
26:49
When did it?
26:49
Never goes away.
26:50
So anyway, we had this, this collection and we were, um, uh, the pandemic hit.
26:54
We were all sitting around fucking, and right around the time, the pandemic,
26:57
it was like the perfect storm.
26:58
If you know, we all remember NFTs and Crypto.
27:02
It's because everybody was in front of their computer all day long.
27:04
And so something as stupid as NFTs, it was like the perfect.
27:08
Yeah, um, the circumstances for them to take off, it was my idea.
27:12
I'm going to go, if the other guys who helped out are listening, I'm sorry.
27:14
I was my idea to turn it into an NFT.
27:18
We, the original thought was like, just as just a send up.
27:21
And so we ended up making, using OpenSea, which is sort of like the
27:24
eBay of NFTs, you know, we made, we made these, I found like a web 1.
27:29
0 gift generator and made a bunch of really ugly, stupid looking gifts
27:33
that just said the word fart and then a random number that I picked.
27:36
Like.
27:37
Part number 2041.
27:39
How many were there, do you know how many farts there were?
27:41
In total, I don't, but we don't, we didn't, we sold a random amount, so
27:44
we're also trying to sort of like Make fun of the scarcity, the artificial
27:49
scarcity that was a big part of NFTs, 10 or 1 of 20 unique, blah blah blah.
27:54
So we had these sort of random, exclusive seeming numbers, um, and made a website.
27:59
And then what we did is we posted to Reddit that like,
28:03
hey, like I'm selling farts.
28:05
And then we bought upvotes.
28:07
So it put it to the front of the NFT subreddit, and then somebody bought one.
28:11
Somebody bought a fucking NFT.
28:13
We were like, I can't believe it happened.
28:15
How much did they buy it for?
28:16
Uh, at the time, it was around 85.
28:19
Wow.
28:20
Of Ethereum.
28:21
So it wasn't, um, cash.
28:24
It was crypto.
28:25
It was real crypto in my wallet.
28:27
And, uh, and then we activated our network, so to speak.
28:32
And I had a friend who had a friend who had a friend who's
28:35
an editor at the New York Post.
28:37
And this is exactly the kind of shit they were looking for.
28:41
I think the reason it took off was because everybody hated this
28:46
NFT thing but couldn't quite put their finger on why, couldn't quite
28:49
articulate why, you know what I mean?
28:51
And it was just like, all right, this, this is it.
28:53
So like, and especially conservative media, because it feels like sort
28:57
of an elitist sort of endeavor, this like art elite crossover.
29:01
And I think the New York Post and the Fox News is of the world,
29:04
like, just fucking love it.
29:05
So they.
29:06
They ran with it, and uh, and it went crazy.
29:08
It was the most viral I've ever gone.
29:09
We were getting hit up, you know, I was on Kiss FM in Canada, I was
29:12
on Irish Radio, Tim Heidecker.
29:14
Now, as you know, people will buy anything.
29:17
The latest craze for so called non fungible tokens involves people
29:21
paying huge amounts of money for what are basically fancy gifts.
29:24
So Alex Ramirez Malice has taken this idea one stage further by selling a
29:29
year's worth of audio recordings of farts.
29:32
Alex joins us now on Newstalk.
29:33
Good afternoon, Alex.
29:35
Good afternoon, thanks for having me.
29:36
Uh, no, so, uh, just so people know, are these just your own farts, Alex, or or or
29:41
a group of farts from different people?
29:43
That's a great question.
29:44
So it's a collection of a year's worth of farts that were compiled
29:48
by five different artists.
29:50
For those of you who aren't aware, the contest was the first
29:53
person to actually just email the podcast at onefjefpod at gmail.
29:58
com.
29:58
You'd be surprised how long it took, but Um, can you just walk us through
30:02
the process there from like maybe you heard it a couple times on the podcast
30:06
and then From there to the decision and then of the actual writing the
30:10
email or in this case you recorded an audio message Which will play as well.
30:14
Yeah, um, thanks for asking.
30:17
Uh, you know
30:20
destiny comes knocking once and Maybe you're a little distracted, hungry, tired,
30:29
or just preoccupied with something else, and then destiny comes knocking again.
30:34
And you might be on the subway or engaged in some other activity, or
30:39
maybe it doesn't occur to you, but then destiny comes knocking a third time.
30:45
And, uh, it was in that third time that you mentioned the contest that I, um, I
30:50
remember I was walking down the street, uh, I had just purchased a 6 coffee,
30:55
and, um, I thought, you know what?
30:58
I need a prize.
30:59
And so I, yeah, I recorded a message, I sent it in, and, uh, Yeah, the
31:05
rest is, I mean, the rest is, you know, you know, the rest, you know,
31:08
I started like doing this thing with my friends in California for their
31:12
birthdays where I would, uh, write them.
31:14
First I was just writing like little poems and then they turned, they got longer
31:18
and longer and then they became more like they've morphed into these recordings
31:23
that I'll make that are sometimes songs.
31:25
Sometimes they're like mostly raps, like really ridiculous.
31:29
Uh, lengthy of sort of avant garde raps, you know, and they've become really
31:38
enjoyable for me to make, but also it's strange how, just to sort of clock what
31:45
I expect as far as, as far as a response.
31:48
And also what I get as far as a response, like if I'll send it, like
31:53
I'll notice like, oh, these two guys, they didn't, they didn't like laugh,
31:56
respond, they didn't hit the ha ha emoji back or like, oh, they didn't,
31:59
they didn't comment or anything.
32:00
Like one guy I am, or the biggest one was my manager for his 50th birthday.
32:05
I was like, I had just kind of started to do this and I was
32:08
like, do I do this for him?
32:09
He's not really like an old friend, like all these people from California are.
32:13
I don't know that he really deserves this.
32:14
Like that his friendship with me really fits in the same world.
32:17
But I was like, fuck it, I'll do it.
32:18
And so I did it for him.
32:19
And it was, again, I do it during the course of a day.
32:22
So I let it entirely occupy me for a full day.
32:26
But by the time that day's over.
32:28
I have to make a recording and send it off and then let it go.
32:31
And so I did this for him and it was a bit, it was a bit, it's
32:34
like two, three minutes long, this big rap about him for his 50th
32:37
birthday and he didn't say anything.
32:40
Didn't respond at all.
32:41
And I was so fucking mad.
32:44
I was so fucking mad.
32:45
I even later brought it up at one point.
32:47
I was like, did you like get that?
32:49
You know, like blah, blah, blah.
32:50
Like, did you receive it even?
32:52
He was like, oh yeah.
32:53
And he just sort of like blew it off.
32:54
Like, yeah, no, I got it.
32:56
And I was like, well, why wouldn't you say, you know what I mean?
32:58
Right.
32:59
Like this, no, I, I totally, this gift giving thing is, is a strange, our
33:05
relationship to our creative stuff.
33:07
So this, this is like things that I'm blatantly not doing for pay.
33:11
There's no pay coming, but still, there's an expectation of, of some
33:18
kind of acknowledgement of, you know.
33:21
People don't, I think, some people don't know how to
33:25
respond to artistic expression.
33:28
Um, you know, I, I think.
33:32
That's a part of it, maybe.
33:34
Is it because it's too intimate?
33:36
Possibly, yeah.
33:37
I think there's a, there's, there's probably levels there.
33:39
But I, but then again, I have like people like, oh, I made a
33:42
video, you know, just for random.
33:43
I was out camping in the woods.
33:45
I made this video of like the stars, these time lapses.
33:48
It's very cool.
33:48
I'm very proud of it.
33:49
It was the first creative thing I'd done in a long time and I
33:52
sent it out to a bunch of people and like, you know, 90 percent of
33:55
them, you know, no response at all.
33:57
Yeah.
33:58
Right.
33:58
Yeah.
33:58
Nothing.
33:59
I was up for all these directing jobs, these horrible movies,
34:02
and I wasn't getting them.
34:04
But there was one movie, and I was rea at that point I was like, I
34:08
don't think I can do this anymore.
34:09
This is just really hard.
34:10
This is brutal.
34:11
And, you know, I had two kids at that point, and I was
34:15
trying to just make a living.
34:17
And they sent me a script that was a teen movie that Working Title Films was making.
34:23
And I was like, you know, I think I can fix this one, even though
34:26
it was, it was a weird story.
34:27
It was about, um, a girl in Malibu who gets into trouble and gets sent
34:34
to a boarding school in England.
34:35
Okay.
34:36
But the ace in the hole that I had was that the White's brothers had
34:40
just made this movie for, they just made about a boy for working title.
34:44
And they called the head.
34:46
The head producer at Working Title and said, hey, you
34:48
should hire John to do this.
34:50
And I just, I interviewed really well for that movie.
34:53
It's all who you know.
34:54
And it's also, yeah, it is all you know.
34:55
But at that point, I also flew myself out to LA to meet with them in a room.
35:00
I knew that that was the only way I was going to get the job.
35:02
Yeah.
35:02
And not do it over the phone.
35:04
It was before Zoom, obviously.
35:05
Right.
35:06
And somehow I got that job.
35:08
And it was a big deal, you know, and that one that was crazy because we needed to
35:13
discover somebody It was we needed like the 16 year old girl and I met every Young
35:20
actress in Hollywood in a room with them.
35:22
Like it was just crazy And we were trying to decide who to hire and just
35:25
like long story short Like what ended up happening was we had narrowed down to a
35:31
couple of actresses that were gonna be in it And we were scanning locations.
35:35
We were we were probably Three months out from shooting the movie and we were gonna
35:40
hire somebody to be in it We were gonna be in London for a year doing post because of
35:45
the tax credits So got my kid Or at least Alex was old enough to go to school in
35:50
London and the movie fell apart and that was just that was And they did it in the
35:55
worst way possible When I got the job, it was so hard to get the job I was told this
36:00
is a go movie and it turns out that the head of the studio hadn't really approved
36:05
it So they told me they said you need to go out there and convince her You're gonna
36:11
make this movie and I put together a whole like it was before like pitch decks, but
36:16
I write pitch deck It's all those things and they called me right when I was about
36:19
to get on the plane or like a few hours before I was About to get in a plane.
36:22
They were like don't get on the plane got invited out onto the warp tour In 2005
36:27
that's big to basically be merch people.
36:30
Oh Okay.
36:32
So this is this is the reality of it, right?
36:34
It's we weren't We're a very well known band.
36:37
Of course.
36:37
We just happened to make the right friends at the right time that were like,
36:40
Hey, come out, uh, help us sell CDs.
36:44
And we're like, okay, can we bring our gear?
36:45
And they're like, sure, if you want to haul it around, I'm not going
36:48
to play it, but yeah, so we did.
36:50
And the very first day that we were there, we played on a stage.
36:56
Right outside of the main gates like the the parking lot stage.
37:01
We played that stage a handful of times But we also we were up at 6 a.
37:06
m.
37:06
Every day.
37:06
We were selling CDs in the lines We were helping, uh, we
37:11
were helping set up stages.
37:13
We were just carrying shit.
37:14
We're just being useful.
37:15
But you're networking and meeting people and Right, exactly.
37:19
And just wanting to be a part of it and contribute to this huge thing.
37:22
Like for me, that life I was living that summer I had made it.
37:26
For sure.
37:27
And we went from can we bring our stuff, sure, but you're focusing on selling
37:31
CDs, to, um, by the end of it we were in a tour bus and we were the, uh, the
37:38
everyday main act at the MySpace We lived on five dollar per diems per member.
37:46
We lived on the Wendy's value menu, right?
37:50
Our tour bus would stop at a Flying J with an attached Wendy's and We would
37:58
get out and file with guys that I had I remember my career was two people
38:04
in front of me in line at a Flying J He's a singer for a band called MXPX.
38:07
Like I had a poster of them on my wall, like all these bands Like huge bands.
38:14
I was surrounded by it day.
38:15
I was just like flying day part of that crowd.
38:17
They were just in line.
38:19
Wendy's.
38:20
Wendy's Rock and roll.
38:22
And guess what?
38:23
Spoiler alert, 90% of these bands had a $5 per meal budget.
38:29
If you could experience Pure Bliss, would you, a, would you be willing to
38:33
abandon your personality completely?
38:35
I don't know what pure bliss, um, entails.
38:40
Okay.
38:40
That's besides the point.
38:42
I mean, just if in theory there is a thing such pure blis, I
38:46
would like to know Exactly.
38:46
Course you can't know.
38:47
You can't know what it feels like.
38:49
It's, but it's, but if I blis, what if I, what if I abandoned my personality
38:52
for this and I'm disappointed by it?
38:53
I'm like, uh, wouldn't, not that great.
38:55
You wouldn't be, your personality is the part of you that's getting disappointed.
38:59
Oh, I see.
39:00
Um, would it be permanent?
39:02
I mean, you could, I guess you could get your personality back, but I
39:05
think once you experience pure bliss, you're probably not going to want
39:07
your personality back, I would hope.
39:09
My mom got me some heroin.
39:11
Oh, goodness.
39:13
And I'm tearing up a little bit, actually.
39:15
We drove out there, and I didn't sleep for like 11 days.
39:19
It was, it was Bad.
39:21
There's really no explanation for it.
39:23
I mean, you cannot describe it to someone who hasn't gone through it.
39:25
It's, it's a weird kind of hell.
39:27
But On the 11th day, I was laying on the floor and I was reading
39:33
this and all of a sudden I noticed the book was on my chest and I was
39:37
like, Oh my God, I just fell asleep.
39:40
And I looked at the clock and I'd been asleep for like 45 minutes and I
39:44
have never been so happy in my life.
39:46
I was like, that meant like, I'm beating it.
39:48
This is like really happening right now.
39:50
Like I'm not going to feel like that forever actually.
39:52
Yeah.
39:53
I was really like overflowing with a kind of joy.
39:58
He had just discovered what it meant to say olive juice, what
40:02
it meant to mouth olive juice.
40:05
What does that mean to someone?
40:06
So if you mouth, like if I, and for the audience I just mouth all juice.
40:13
That just Right.
40:14
Thank you for the, thank you for that.
40:15
It's no, no video.
40:16
So thank you for and, um.
40:19
Yeah, from across the room, that looks like you're saying
40:24
I love you to someone, right?
40:27
So he actually oversaw like the gym or the recess lunch period and all of the
40:36
girls are, you know, were always, all the kids really, boys and girls, were always
40:41
surrounding him wanting to talk to him.
40:43
Like he was just a charming teacher.
40:45
Yes.
40:45
Yes.
40:46
A cool charming teacher.
40:47
Yes.
40:47
And we had just discovered this olive juice thing.
40:51
And so of course we like all ran over to tell him like.
40:56
Mr. Collar, what do you think I'm saying to you right now?
41:00
Right, you know like and Then it was within a day or two from that
41:08
encounter that He would catch me from across the room like looking at me I
41:15
was looking at him and he would mouth olive juice to me and I was like, you
41:25
know, my God did what did he just say?
41:28
Did he just do that for me?
41:30
And I think I ran over and I asked him, I go, did you just mouth olive juice to me?
41:36
And he goes, yeah, but let's just shorten it to olive.
41:40
That way when I mouth it to you people won't know or think that
41:45
I'm saying that I love you.
41:47
Right.
41:49
And that's where it begins.
41:53
It wasn't because I had some sense of duty.
41:57
It was because there was nobody else to show up in the courtroom that day.
42:01
Right.
42:01
And so I show up in the courtroom and then it's like, well, are you willing
42:05
to And I had just been in South Africa meeting African children that our
42:11
women sing to from the prison program, thinking that I might try to adopt
42:16
one of these children from hospice care, but that wasn't going to happen
42:19
because of the South African government, the way they look at people like me.
42:22
Right.
42:23
And then I get back and then there's this African child who came here from Liberia
42:28
when he was three years old Yeah, sitting in the courtroom next to me that I only
42:32
knew his first name I didn't really know a whole lot about him and this magistrate
42:35
on my birthday Asking me will I say yes to taking this kid into my home and I
42:41
had this moment where I was like, okay I didn't really believe all of the stories
42:45
that I was taught about religion and God when I was growing up, but I do believe
42:49
in moments and I'm in a moment on my birthday, just having returned from
42:54
South Africa where I was thinking about adopting an African child that fell apart.
42:58
I cried for five days and now I'm in a courtroom on my freaking birthday.
43:01
I keep going back to that point and there is a 16 year old
43:04
African child sitting next to me.
43:06
And the judge is saying he needs a place to live, and I was like, okay.
43:12
And I literally brought him home, and I was like, not that day.
43:15
It was, it still took another 30 days.
43:17
Sure.
43:18
He walks in the door and I was like, okay, listen, I don't know how to cook.
43:22
I don't know what we're going to fucking do.
43:24
I don't know how I'm going to feed you.
43:25
I mean, we're just gonna have to go to like restaurants and stuff
43:28
because I don't know what I'm doing.
43:30
And then his best friend who was kind of navigating the foster system You
43:35
know, started kind of coming in and then all my friends who had kids were
43:39
like, two are so much easier than one.
43:41
Sure.
43:41
You know, so suddenly there's two, there's three of us and, you know, we
43:45
make it through meals and then they start putting weight on and I'm like,
43:49
okay, so I guess I'm figuring this out, you know, they're not starving.
43:53
Um, and then, you know, they overload the washing machine and they break
43:56
the dishwasher and, you know, all this stuff starts happening.
43:58
That's teenage life.
44:01
Teaching them how to drive and forcing them out of bed.
44:04
And then all of a sudden it was just like, oh, this is, this is normal.
44:11
This is life.
44:11
This is what it was supposed to be.
44:14
And yes, of course, I literally remember life before they were there.
44:19
Sure.
44:20
But I don't really remember who I was before they were there.
44:24
Hmm.
44:24
Because I didn't really understand who I was till they came along.
44:30
Meaning, Everything was about work prior to that.
44:36
I know that, but I don't really remember that in a way because they
44:42
kind of brought this other side to me that was kind of all lurking there,
44:47
I guess, lurking in the background.
44:50
And when it stepped in to take over the spot that it was supposed to
44:54
occupy, That was when I kind of knew.
44:57
Oh, yeah, I've come.
44:57
I now know who I am.
44:59
I'm at the Trump store in Branson, Missouri, and it is something else indeed.
45:06
I've never seen so many Trump things in my entire life.
45:12
There's an animatronic Trump out front.
45:14
Many, many hats.
45:16
One of the hats said, I'll be voting for Barron.
45:19
That's fun.
45:20
Another one said Gulf of America, and another one just said titties, but in a
45:24
red white and like an American flag font.
45:27
Like, not a font, but like it's a American flag vibe.
45:31
So I guess it's okay to say titties.
45:34
I really want to interview the guy who's the purveyor of the store,
45:37
but I also don't want to do that.
45:42
All right, so I just went to the Jesus store.
45:44
I think it's called Everything Jesus.
45:46
And, um, honestly, the similarities between that and
45:50
the Trump store are striking.
45:53
The vibe is strikingly similar.
45:55
So that's fun.
45:56
Hello everyone, it's Fefri.
45:59
Do you remember me?
46:01
Uh, from Christmas.
46:03
It was many years ago.
46:05
But, Jef played it on this podcast, uh, for Christmas this year.
46:10
And people seemed to love it.
46:12
So he's very busy packing for He's going to Where is he going?
46:19
He told me where he was going, but I forgot.
46:25
It's, uh, oh, it's the weather!
46:27
No, we'll do the weather later.
46:29
Jef called me.
46:30
He said, Fafri, hello, Fafri.
46:35
Are you eating a candy cane?
46:37
And I say, yes, of course I'm eating a candy cane.
46:40
He said, well, take it out of your mouth.
46:43
Listen to this.
46:46
And he said, I am very busy because I am moving to Where is he, say?
46:54
Anyway, he was moving, and he said, Fefri, I need your help.
46:59
I need you to do the podcast this week.
47:03
And I took the candy cane out of me mouth and I said, All right,
47:09
and then he hung up and he didn't he didn't tell me what to do.
47:13
He just said Do the podcast so I don't know
47:19
It's been many years.
47:20
I've gotten older.
47:22
You've gotten older too and we've all There's still the sound effects
47:28
So look at, ah, oh, there's a, oh, there's a ship coming in, everyone.
47:34
There's a ship.
47:36
Look out, look out.
47:37
I wonder what, is it bringing candy canes?
47:41
Nope.
47:41
There, there's a candy cane.
47:44
Remember the candy cane song, everyone.
47:46
The one thing that hasn't changed about me, Fefri, is
47:50
that I still love candy canes.
47:53
I love them so much.
47:59
Did you read the article in the Times about the happiness study, the longest
48:02
happiness study that's ever been done?
48:04
Oh, I think I did.
48:04
The Harvard, uh.
48:05
I don't know what school.
48:06
I think they're Harvard students.
48:07
What it was, but it was like 50 years or something.
48:09
Yeah.
48:10
I mean, essentially it was the stuff that was like other people.
48:13
It was like doing things for other people, being with other people, talking to other
48:17
people, interacting with other people.
48:19
These are the things that generally bring us happiness.
48:21
Isn't that baffling?
48:22
Why is it in a time of ultimate freedom and material abundance that
48:27
we do that less than ever before?
48:29
Is there just some, something broken with the human software?
48:32
I just saw on the side of the highway, two giant, looked like, um, windshield
48:37
washer fluid jugs, full of, uh, I mean, I can only assume it was urine.
48:43
So, just on the side of the road there.
48:46
I, I mean, I understand your inclination to put the jugs of urine, I mean, get
48:52
them out of your car or truck or whatever as quickly as possible, but like, you
48:57
were clearly holding them for a while.
48:59
I mean.
48:59
Like you have two, two jugs.
49:01
So there was one jug that was full and you, you drove around
49:05
with that for quite some time.
49:07
And then you filled up the other jug and that's when you decided, No, we
49:12
can't drive around with this, with two bottles, two jugs, two windshield
49:17
washer fluid jugs of urine in my car.
49:20
I'm just gonna stop right here on the side of the highway and put them
49:24
nicely on the side of the highway for somebody else to clean up.
49:28
And then I went and had dinner at this pizza place, pizza
49:31
slash brewery or something.
49:33
It was good.
49:35
And, uh, I was sitting next to this guy at the bar and I start talking to him.
49:38
And this guy, like, he was about my age, I think.
49:42
He just moved here six months ago from Mexico.
49:45
He lived in Mexico for, he lived in Escondido for 13 years doing
49:50
some sort of real estate thing.
49:52
My mom and I, uh, own and operate 12 beachfront homes.
49:56
That's nice.
49:57
Which is great, but right now there's no rentals because people
50:01
are afraid to cross the border.
50:03
While he was living in Escondido, like, he was apparently abducted by the cartel
50:08
or some cartel adjacent, you know, thugs.
50:12
And, um, held for ransom.
50:15
Before I moved here, I was kidnapped by the cartel.
50:17
Were you really?
50:18
And I was tortured.
50:19
Really?
50:20
And they took me for a hundred grand and three of my homes.
50:22
Okay, tell me the story.
50:23
So, and they kidnapped my stepson too, and that's, that's what
50:27
made me cough up the money.
50:28
When they touched him, I was like, that's it, they're done here.
50:31
Um, and then when I left, I exposed them all.
50:33
Normally, you know, I would think that this kind of story is, isn't true.
50:38
But it also turns out he's a very, very hardcore Christian.
50:41
Why'd you end up in Salida?
50:43
Um, I'm a Christian missionary.
50:44
I met, um, yeah, I met a woman, uh, named Valerie whose sister works here.
50:49
Cindy.
50:51
Yep.
50:51
Who's awesome.
50:52
She's a fucking rock star.
50:55
Yeah, Cindy's awesome.
50:56
So anyway, uh, I met her, um, in Mexico doing Christian missionary trip.
51:01
Well, not missionary trips, but like outreach with the church.
51:03
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
51:04
And like mostly helping people with, um, drug addiction, uh, people trying
51:08
to stop doing prostitution, Yeah.
51:10
Uh, mental health issues.
51:11
Yeah.
51:12
I'm a psychologist.
51:13
Okay.
51:13
So, and a Christian counselor as well.
51:16
Which surprised me because he'd been swearing up a storm and drinking
51:18
like a fish, which I, you know, I'm sure, you know, there's Christians
51:21
who do these things and, but it was.
51:24
It was surprising in a way.
51:25
We had an interesting conversation, but at one point he did say that he doesn't
51:30
wear a helmet when he rides his bike.
51:34
I said something, oh, we were talking about skiing.
51:36
And I said, it's nobody wore helmets back then.
51:38
It's so crazy to me to think back when I used to ski when I was a kid.
51:40
I'm not gonna wear a helmet now.
51:42
You should wear a helmet, dude.
51:43
Why?
51:43
Because it's like so dangerous.
51:45
You'd be able to die all the time.
51:47
Yeah, right.
51:47
I used to ride motorcycles and about 500 and 1, 000 with no helmet on.
51:51
That seems reckless.
51:53
Um, yeah, but I finished.
51:55
Yeah, you didn't die, but I mean, you know, I'm just saying.
51:57
I don't know.
51:59
Even in the army when they handed me a Kevlar, I wouldn't wear that shit.
52:01
Why not?
52:02
Because I believe that if God wants to take me out, then
52:05
that's what's going to happen.
52:06
God's steering the ship.
52:08
So, if God's going to take him, God's going to take him whether he's
52:12
wearing a helmet or not, I guess?
52:14
That's what it sounded like.
52:15
Which seems like flawed reasoning to me, but, you know, much of
52:19
Christianity does rely on some semblance of flawed reasoning, doesn't it?
52:23
My grandmother was kidnapped by German soldiers from the Ukraine
52:28
when she was pregnant with my mother.
52:29
Wow.
52:30
And, uh, she was born in Bergen Belsen.
52:33
And my grandmother made amazing sugar cookies, and that's why
52:37
Hitler moved them to Hamburg.
52:39
No kidding.
52:40
So my, my grandmother made sugar cookies for Hitler.
52:43
People understand, um, that, uh, you know, you only speak Mpoko.
52:49
But, uh, it was, uh, evident when I, um, ordered the, um, breakfast the other
52:53
day and all I heard was, uh, fritter and up until then I'd had chicken fritters,
52:58
so I thought this, yeah, for breakfast.
53:00
And, uh, I ended up with a quarter of a, um, fried guinea pig.
53:04
And I was like, yeah.
53:07
Right.
53:07
But they eat a lot of guinea pig down there.
53:08
They love it.
53:09
Did you try it?
53:10
How was it?
53:10
Well, I had to.
53:11
It was basically what I ordered that breakfast.
53:14
Yeah, there's not a lot of meat on it, surprisingly.
53:16
Right, right, right.
53:17
I think, um, probably much the same as trying to eat a parrot.
53:21
Yeah.
53:21
Was it good?
53:22
Uh, no.
53:24
Every time that I went to Ohio, it was a nightmare in customs,
53:27
uh, immigration, because Mexicans don't go there for tourists.
53:32
It's not a place that you usually go for.
53:35
Ah!
53:36
I wanted to To visit Ohio.
53:39
I wonder, Ohio is so attractive to me.
53:42
Let's go to Ohio for holidays.
53:43
All right, Patricia, that's enough.
53:46
But I know that some people, mainly in your podcast, they love to live
53:51
in Columbus and they love Ohio.
53:55
Well, it's good for them.
53:57
I can say my experience is not a mistake that I will be like, wow.
54:02
But yeah, I appreciate it.
54:04
I I would say at this point that if you come to Ohio, I'll show you a great
54:08
time in Ohio, but I honestly don't know that, that I actually, I mean.
54:14
Ohio's not a popular state.
54:16
Last night we had a musical chairs competition, and just for, you
54:20
know, funsies, as we were, like the night before we were discussing
54:24
the logistics of the musical chair competition, I looked up on ChatGPT.
54:30
All I wrote was musical chairs.
54:32
And Chachapiti's response was Musical chairs is basically the most polite
54:36
way humans have found to recreate the feeling of societal collapse.
54:41
You've got a bunch of people circling around limited resources to the
54:44
rhythm of an external force they can't control, pretending they're
54:47
chill, until suddenly music stops.
54:50
Everyone panics.
54:51
Shoves, and someone ends up sitting on the floor wondering how it all went wrong.
54:56
It's capitalism with fewer lawsuits.
54:58
And again, the prompt was just musical chairs.
55:01
We really just wanted the rules musical chairs.
55:03
Not that there's rules, it's pretty clear, it's an easy game.
55:05
But I wanted to see what AI would say about what the rules of the Instead
55:10
I got a treatise on the nature of capitalism and societal collapse.
55:15
Which again, I appreciated it.
55:16
I think it's great.
55:17
It's poetry.
55:18
And it's true.
55:20
People want to talk, you know, people want to, yeah, yeah.
55:24
And, and that's just, it gives another good excuse.
55:28
If you really think about it to actually have a longer conversation in the real
55:33
world, you would just, you know, disappear in the phone, disappear in awkward moment
55:39
or a pause where, uh, I'm going to go now.
55:41
No, let's just stay in this awkwardness.
55:43
It is awkward.
55:44
It is uncomfortable.
55:46
Nobody likes pauses, you know?
55:48
Right.
55:49
But you also don't want to over chat it.
55:51
And right now, even just sitting here and reflecting on it's like, yeah,
55:55
it's, you know, I will remember this.
55:58
Oh, good to know.
56:00
See?
56:00
I will, you know, maybe like in 10 years, I'm going to be having
56:03
like a manual announcer, you know, but, but I will remember this one
56:09
because this is a new experience.
56:11
Oh, well, I'm glad.
56:11
And this is not a type of experience of like, well, you know, I'm not being
56:19
I'm just being a human with all my flaws and, you know, all
56:23
my stuff, just like you are.
56:25
That's what I want the thing to be, you know?
56:29
Yeah.
56:36
And there you go.
56:37
Those are some of the highlights.
56:39
And low lights and mid lights of season one of one F Jeff,
56:44
I hope you enjoyed that.
56:45
My only regret is that I didn't have time to like go through everything
56:49
with like a comb because I'm sure that I missed moments that were great.
56:52
But you know, we only have so much time in this life and we need to
56:56
decide how much time we're going to, um, give to everything we do.
57:01
And in this case, I gave.
57:03
A lot of time editing this episode, but I'd like to have a team
57:08
because I'm the one who's judging.
57:09
Maybe there's stuff that you would like better, but again, the show is mine.
57:13
So of course the opinions are all mine.
57:16
Anyway, I hope you enjoyed listening to that and uh,
57:20
going down memory lane with me.
57:22
If there's any clips in there that you particularly liked and wanted to hear the
57:24
full episode of, just let me know and I will let you know what episode it's from.
57:28
I'll even send you a link to that episode.
57:29
How about that?
57:30
Boom!
57:32
Please do like, rate, subscribe, and review.
57:34
These things help me, uh, in some way that I'm not entirely clear upon,
57:38
but I have been told that this is something that I'm supposed to say.
57:42
And a podcast outro.
57:44
And if you have not been following my Instagram and or TikTok pages, you
57:49
should be because I've been releasing videos on those, uh, of me talking.
57:54
So you'll be able to see me.
57:55
You can follow me on Instagram at onefjefpod, and you can follow me
57:58
on TikTok, TikTok, TikTok, TikTok, TikTok, TikTok, TikTok, TikTok,
58:04
TikTok, TikTok, Like the clock.
58:08
It's at onefjefpodcast, because onefjefpod was taken.
58:13
By who, I don't know, but I will find out and I will make them
58:16
regret choosing that username.
58:18
Okay, so follow me on both of those things and follow me anywhere else.
58:22
If you're on the internet and you stumble across some stumble across
58:26
some social media that's from the podcast, just follow it immediately.
58:29
Like it, follow it, send it to all your friends.
58:31
You know what else you should send to your friends?
58:33
Send this episode to three people that you know.
58:36
Just three or two.
58:38
I'll settle for one, but it'll be disappointing to me.
58:40
So please try for three.
58:43
Do it right now.
58:43
Send it to three people that you like or that you don't like.
58:47
Spread the word about this podcast because that's how things like this grow.
58:53
Why did I say grow like that?
58:54
I have no idea.
58:55
And also, I know you've been waiting for it.
58:58
Patreon subscribers, thank you so much for supporting the podcast
59:01
through the entire first season.
59:03
I truly appreciate.
59:05
Your support and your commitment and your love and your, you
59:10
know, lack of body odor.
59:12
I don't know what else.
59:13
I appreciate all of it.
59:14
I think you're great people.
59:15
I hope that you feel good about your support for the podcast.
59:19
I hope that you Are proud to have supported this podcast and I hope that
59:24
you will maybe increase your donation for season two if you're so inclined.
59:30
If not, it's totally fine.
59:31
I feel sleazy even asking you to gimme more money.
59:34
And if you are not a patron subscriber, join the elite, the elite.
59:40
Onefjef, Patreon family.
59:43
If you know, you know, patreon.
59:45
com slash onefjef.
59:46
Go there, sign up for as little as 5 a month.
59:49
That's about 100 pesos.
59:52
You can get some extra content.
59:56
I don't, there's a bunch of random stuff on there at this point.
59:58
You'll get early access to some episodes.
59:59
You'll get some photos.
1:00:01
You'll get some episodes that nobody else gets to hear, but
1:00:06
most of all, you'll get the.
1:00:09
Satisfaction of knowing you're supporting an independent podcast that
1:00:12
I am giving to you for free, gratis.
1:00:15
Gratis?
1:00:16
Si.
1:00:19
For no money, you're not paying anything for this.
1:00:22
Have you noticed that?
1:00:23
I hope you have, because it's true.
1:00:25
But if you'd like to pay money for it, and you feel guilty about
1:00:28
not paying money for it, patreon.
1:00:29
com slash onefjef, even if you don't feel guilty.
1:00:32
You can even donate 25 a month, and then you'll be, like, the elite of the elite.
1:00:37
And if you want to be the king of the elite, you can donate.
1:00:40
100 a month, and then you'll get a crown of some sort.
1:00:45
I don't know what I, I, you know, I'll try to get a crown made if you do that.
1:00:50
And I'm going to end this final episode of season one of onefjef
1:00:56
with a poem called Meditations in an Emergency by Cameron Awkward Rich.
1:01:06
I wake up and it breaks my heart.
1:01:10
I draw the blinds and the thrill of rain breaks my heart.
1:01:14
I go outside, I ride the train, walk among the buildings, men in
1:01:18
Monday suits, the flight of doves.
1:01:20
The city of tents beneath the underpass, the huddled mass, old women hawking roses
1:01:24
and children, all of them break my heart.
1:01:29
There's a dream I have in which I love the world.
1:01:32
I run from end to end like fingers through her hair.
1:01:36
There are no borders, only wind.
1:01:39
Like you, I was born.
1:01:41
Like you, I was raised in the institution of dreaming.
1:01:45
Hand on my heart.
1:01:47
Hand on my stupid heart.
1:01:51
I'll see you next week.
1:01:53
Very good, Jeffrey.