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Donald Drumpf Theatre 305: Enter a Distorted Reality · Donald Drumpf Theatre radio show

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_03: Previously on the Donald Trump Theater Radio Show.
• 0:03
  SPEAKER_01: We've had very good discussions.
• 0:04
  SPEAKER_01: They gave us a present.
• 0:07
  SPEAKER_01: And the present arrived today.
• 0:09
  SPEAKER_01: They are lunatics.
• 0:10
  SPEAKER_01: I could take out Iran in one
• 0:12
  SPEAKER_02: day.
• 0:13
  [music]
• 0:24
  SPEAKER_01: very close to making a deal with Iran.
• 0:26
  SPEAKER_01: We have a very good relationship with Iran right now.
• 0:37
  SPEAKER_03: We are controlling transmission, if we wish to make it louder.
• 1:01
  SPEAKER_03: We will bring up the body.
• 1:03
  SPEAKER_03: We can change the focus to a soft blur.
• 1:05
  SPEAKER_03: You're moving into a land of both shadow and substance, of things and ideas.
• 1:09
  SPEAKER_03: You've just crossed over into... Where am I to go now that I've gone to fall?
• 1:27
  SPEAKER_00: For your consideration,
• 1:29
  SPEAKER_00: a nation held hostage by the fragile ego of a man-baby president who we're trapped
• 1:34
  SPEAKER_00: with in the Twilight Zone.
• 1:41
  SPEAKER_01: Many stupid people are saying that instead of solving real problems, I'm just renaming lakes.
• 1:46
  SPEAKER_01: But look, the Strait of Hormuz once again opened and these ships are passing very strongly.
• 1:52
  SPEAKER_01: Sir, isn't that just the Hudson River?
• 1:54
  SPEAKER_01: Not anymore, it's not.
• 1:55
  SPEAKER_01: Not anymore.
• 1:57
  SPEAKER_02: I'm just sitting here, wondering, what can I do?
• 2:05
  SPEAKER_02: Send a little money to some aid that won't get through.
• 2:14
  SPEAKER_02: Wrote by Senator, Senator, what can you do?
• 2:23
  SPEAKER_02: But my dear Senator, you sold your soul to AIPAC too.
• 2:34
  SPEAKER_02: And I'm sitting here typing an emotional plea.
• 2:42
  SPEAKER_02: Where is our humanity
• 2:48
  SPEAKER_02: allowing this to be?
• 2:55
  SPEAKER_02: Dusting off my resume, what can I be?
• 3:03
  SPEAKER_02: Should I continue coding for this tech company?
• 3:10
  SPEAKER_02: A product selling you, selling you false security.
• 3:20
  SPEAKER_02: Blocking up our neighbors and doing away with our privacy.
• 3:25
  SPEAKER_02: And I'm sitting here typing an emotional plea.
• 3:31
  SPEAKER_02: Where is our humanity allowing this to be?
• 3:53
  SPEAKER_02: Now I'm scrolling down, wondering, why did they die?
• 3:57
  SPEAKER_02: Some
• 4:01
  SPEAKER_02: people off to work, off to school, palms dropped from the sky.
• 4:08
  SPEAKER_02: A hundred more, a thousand more people just like me.
• 4:18
  SPEAKER_02: The only difference, I was born in the land of the free.
• 4:23
  SPEAKER_02: And I'm sitting here typing an emotional plea.
• 4:31
  SPEAKER_02: Where is our humanity?
• 4:44
  SPEAKER_02: Allowing this to be deep.
• 5:43
  SPEAKER_02: Senator, Senator, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh.
• 5:51
  SPEAKER_02: Now I'm getting dressed, wondering, what should I wear?
• 5:59
  SPEAKER_02: A pair of sandals, a toga, and some long flowing hair, hair, hair, hair, hair.
• 6:08
  SPEAKER_02: Give all my stuff away, now I'm just what I wanna be.
• 6:16
  SPEAKER_02: A perfect model of the modern Christianity.
• 6:19
  SPEAKER_02: And I'm sitting here crying
• 6:26
  SPEAKER_02: and emotionally.
• 6:28
  SPEAKER_02: Where is our humanity allowing this to be?
• 6:50
  SPEAKER_02: I'm making an emotional plea.
• 6:57
  SPEAKER_02: What is our dark destiny?
• 7:03
  SPEAKER_02: Allowing this to be, be.
• 7:25
  SPEAKER_03: There are those who said we would never last this long.
• 7:28
  SPEAKER_03: There are even those who used the regulatory might of the FCC
• 7:31
  SPEAKER_03: to unconstitutionally try to make sure we didn't last this long.
• 7:35
  SPEAKER_03: But we did it the hard way, Brendan, and we are still here.
• 7:38
  SPEAKER_03: Are you telling me the president of the United States had three full months
• 7:42
  SPEAKER_03: and spent $20 million and couldn't even get a pool cleaned?
• 7:50
  SPEAKER_03: It's getting better all the time President Drumpf.
• 7:55
  SPEAKER_03: Rolling back decades of childhood vaccine guidance.
• 7:58
  SPEAKER_03: Threatening to demolish the Kennedy Center.
• 8:01
  SPEAKER_03: Drumpf.
• 8:01
  SPEAKER_03: Attack on mail-in voting, suggesting that he'll take over the midterm elections.
• 8:05
  SPEAKER_03: President Drumpf.
• 8:06
  SPEAKER_03: Siding with North Korea.
• 8:08
  SPEAKER_03: Crisis at sea aboard the USS Lincoln.
• 8:11
  SPEAKER_03: Conditions so bad, there are reports of sailors attempting to jump overboard.
• 8:14
  SPEAKER_03: Drumpf.
• 8:15
  SPEAKER_03: Threatening to wipe out Iran.
• 8:16
  SPEAKER_03: Threatening to bomb Oman, a U.S. ally.
• 8:18
  SPEAKER_03: Saying that he was going to use the U.S. military against the bond market.
• 8:32
  SPEAKER_03: God, it
• 8:38
  SPEAKER_00: never ends with this dude, Drumpf.
• 8:41
  SPEAKER_00: I've never seen one person work so much and fix so little.
• 8:48
  SPEAKER_00: It's exhausting in a way that's difficult to articulate,
• 8:51
  SPEAKER_00: which is why One of the stories from this past August did resonate with me
• 8:56
  SPEAKER_00: so much more deeply, and that's the plight of the USS Lincoln.
• 9:02
  SPEAKER_03: 5,000 U.S.
• 9:03
  SPEAKER_03: sailors and Marines serving on the USS Lincoln,
• 9:06
  SPEAKER_03: stepping on dry land for the first time in more than nine months.
• 9:10
  SPEAKER_03: The once gleaming aircraft carrier docking in Thailand after 286 days at sea,
• 9:16
  SPEAKER_03: covered in rust after a record-setting deployment.
• 9:19
  SPEAKER_00: Do you see the metaphor?
• 9:21
  SPEAKER_00: This ship A symbol of American might,
• 9:26
  SPEAKER_00: ingenuity,
• 9:26
  SPEAKER_00: technical know-how,
• 9:27
  SPEAKER_00: patriotic determination,
• 9:28
  SPEAKER_00: laid low by prolonged exposure to relentless,
• 9:33
  SPEAKER_00: corrosive elements, reckless mismanagement.
• 9:36
  SPEAKER_00: This ship, do you see?
• 9:41
  SPEAKER_00: It's not the USS Lincoln.
• 9:43
  SPEAKER_00: It's not.
• 9:44
  SPEAKER_00: It's just U.S.
• 9:45
  SPEAKER_00: It's just.
• 9:45
  SPEAKER_00: It's us.
• 9:46
  We used to be angry young man
• 10:02
  SPEAKER_03: This is what we...
• 10:31
  SPEAKER_00: Look like as Americans inside after 18 months of this presidency.
• 10:41
  SPEAKER_00: Worn.
• 10:42
  SPEAKER_00: I want you to look at the picture of this rusted... Look at it!
• 10:48
  SPEAKER_00: Don't look away.
• 10:49
  SPEAKER_00: I want you to think about the visible,
• 10:52
  SPEAKER_00: tangible, actual, indisputable, factual signs of corrosion on this ship.
• 10:59
  SPEAKER_00: This is the president discussing it.
• 11:02
  SPEAKER_01: People on the Lincoln, they say it's beautifully maintained and beautifully taken care of.
• 11:07
  SPEAKER_00: It's not!
• 11:10
  SPEAKER_00: It is obviously not!
• 11:13
  SPEAKER_00: The actual Abraham Lincoln is in better shape than this ship.
• 11:25
  SPEAKER_00: A beautifully maintained,
• 11:27
  SPEAKER_00: beautifully taken care of ship doesn't look like
• 11:30
  SPEAKER_00: the abandoned bridge near my high school where we used to smoke weed.
• 11:34
  SPEAKER_00: It doesn't.
• 11:36
  SPEAKER_00: And it's this,
• 11:37
  SPEAKER_00: the relentless denial of reality that is just one of the elements eating away at
• 11:44
  SPEAKER_00: the foundational load-bearing structures that hold this country together.
• 11:48
  SPEAKER_00: Us.
• 11:48
  SPEAKER_00: Us.
• 11:53
  SPEAKER_03: Overnight, the trade war with Canada continuing to escalate.
• 11:57
  SPEAKER_00: President Drumpf posting
• 11:59
  SPEAKER_00: a hockey cartoon mocking Canadian Prime Minister Mark Carney as governor.
• 12:03
  SPEAKER_00: First of all,
• 12:03
  SPEAKER_00: I can't believe AI has gotten so advanced it can fit Drumpf's ankles
• 12:07
  SPEAKER_00: into ice skates.
• 12:08
  SPEAKER_00: That's not... That's not real.
• 12:12
  SPEAKER_00: That can't be right.
• 12:14
  SPEAKER_00: The computer generated.
• 12:16
  SPEAKER_00: Yet, we're in a full-blown trade war with Canada.
• 12:19
  SPEAKER_00: Real consequences.
• 12:20
  SPEAKER_00: Here's what they're hearing from their leader.
• 12:23
  SPEAKER_03: In the face of unjustified, unprovoked tariffs from the United States, we're stepping up.
• 12:28
  SPEAKER_03: When we're united, there's nothing that Canadian workers can't do.
• 12:33
  SPEAKER_01: Here's what we're getting.
• 12:35
  SPEAKER_01: So Lake Ontario, that's gone.
• 12:38
  SPEAKER_01: Lake... America.
• 12:43
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you very much, everybody.
• 12:45
  SPEAKER_01: Enjoy Lake America.
• 12:47
  SPEAKER_00: You don't settle complicated international agreements by writing just a new name on the map.
• 12:53
  SPEAKER_00: And expecting everyone to just follow along.
• 12:56
  SPEAKER_03: Google Maps is complying
• 12:57
  SPEAKER_03: with President Trump's executive order renaming Lake Ontario to Lake America.
• 13:02
  SPEAKER_03: I can feel the rust eating me.
• 13:06
  SPEAKER_00: Canada's our second largest trading partner.
• 13:09
  SPEAKER_00: 60% of our oil imports come from Canada, half of our timber.
• 13:12
  SPEAKER_00: We get parts for cars and plane, not to mention 100% of our Carly Rae's Jepson.
• 13:23
  SPEAKER_00: Why would we be trolling them?
• 13:25
  SPEAKER_00: Is that the plan, to troll them into submission?
• 13:28
  SPEAKER_00: Did Canada walk away from the deal?
• 13:30
  SPEAKER_00: Were we the ones who blew up the deal with last-minute stuff?
• 13:34
  SPEAKER_03: I spoke to President Trump.
• 13:35
  SPEAKER_03: Over the weekend,
• 13:36
  SPEAKER_03: after the breakdown in negotiations with Canada,
• 13:39
  SPEAKER_03: he did not dispute that the U.S. added conditions late in the talks.
• 13:43
  SPEAKER_03: He said, quote, that sounds like me, end quote.
• 13:47
  SPEAKER_00: That sounds like me?
• 13:49
  SPEAKER_00: That sounds like me?
• 13:52
  SPEAKER_00: That sounds like me?
• 13:53
  SPEAKER_00: It just happened.
• 13:55
  SPEAKER_00: This isn't some story from the frat days where you're like,
• 13:58
  SPEAKER_00: woke up in a pool of my own vomit in a trade war with Canada.
• 14:01
  SPEAKER_00: I guess that sounds like me.
• 14:04
  SPEAKER_00: God, can you just feel the metal buckling on our starboard side?
• 14:10
  SPEAKER_00: But with the trade war now here,
• 14:12
  SPEAKER_00: the news media has been quick to jump in and explain what's at stake.
• 14:15
  SPEAKER_03: Americans are now facing higher prices.
• 14:18
  SPEAKER_03: Some examples, milk, honey, smartphones, liquor, and even wigs and fake beards.
• 14:33
  SPEAKER_00: It's about time you learned a lesson, Canada.
• 14:36
  SPEAKER_00: That's right.
• 14:37
  SPEAKER_00: And if you think Canada got raked over the coals,
• 14:39
  SPEAKER_00: Steve Witkoff and Jared Kushner headed to Russia
• 14:42
  SPEAKER_00: to let Vladimir Putin know what we thought of their war of aggression in Ukraine.
• 14:47
  SPEAKER_01: So, first of all, President Putin, thank you so much for having us.
• 14:51
  SPEAKER_01: We were sitting outside just now, me, Jared, and Carol, and then Yuri joined us, and we were...
• 14:58
  SPEAKER_01: All talking about when we retire,
• 15:01
  SPEAKER_01: we'll have all these incredible stories and incredible memories
• 15:04
  SPEAKER_01: and yours will be right at the top of it all.
• 15:08
  SPEAKER_00: Jared and I just want to thank you.
• 15:11
  SPEAKER_00: This has been the best semester abroad.
• 15:15
  SPEAKER_00: I said I wasn't going to do this.
• 15:23
  SPEAKER_00: The best semester broad, Jared and I could have ever asked for.
• 15:25
  SPEAKER_00: By the way, why are we even over there negotiating with him?
• 15:28
  SPEAKER_00: Why can't Drumpf just f***ing get out the old one-two here?
• 15:33
  SPEAKER_00: Why can't he just look at that and go like, oh, you know what we should do?
• 15:36
  SPEAKER_00: Just, oh, here's what we'll do.
• 15:38
  SPEAKER_00: All right.
• 15:39
  SPEAKER_00: And we'll call it Lovestand.
• 15:42
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, there we go.
• 15:43
  SPEAKER_00: It's all fixed.
• 15:44
  SPEAKER_00: Now, I know that the naysayers out there are all going to go,
• 15:47
  SPEAKER_00: oh, oh, but that thing you drew, John, that's not real.
• 15:50
  SPEAKER_00: It's not real.
• 15:52
  SPEAKER_00: But isn't that the trick?
• 15:54
  SPEAKER_00: Isn't that the whole game that's keeping this incompetent ship of fools of
• 15:57
  SPEAKER_00: an administration afloat?
• 15:59
  SPEAKER_00: You've been filling up your tank these past six months,
• 16:01
  SPEAKER_00: probably feeling like gas prices are high.
• 16:04
  SPEAKER_00: Well, joke's on you.
• 16:05
  SPEAKER_03: How much longer will Americans continue to see these high gas prices?
• 16:08
  SPEAKER_00: Well, they're not very high.
• 16:10
  SPEAKER_00: You think they're high.
• 16:11
  SPEAKER_00: They're not high.
• 16:13
  SPEAKER_00: They're actually gas gaslighting us.
• 16:18
  SPEAKER_00: And you may say, oh, oh, but you know what?
• 16:21
  SPEAKER_00: Even Trump can only stave off reality for so long that the cumulative effects
• 16:26
  SPEAKER_00: of high prices and punitive and chaotic tariffs and reckless wars
• 16:29
  SPEAKER_00: and narcissistic self-aggrandizement will take an inevitable toll
• 16:33
  SPEAKER_00: that cannot be denied.
• 16:36
  SPEAKER_00: And yet, and yet, that's well maintained.
• 16:40
  SPEAKER_03: Every presidency in a second term,
• 16:42
  SPEAKER_03: his poll numbers usually start to decline and he starts to weaken.
• 16:47
  SPEAKER_03: And That's happening to you?
• 16:49
  SPEAKER_03: No, it's not.
• 16:51
  SPEAKER_00: Fake polls.
• 16:52
  SPEAKER_01: I have great poll numbers.
• 16:53
  SPEAKER_00: You have great poll numbers.
• 16:55
  SPEAKER_00: Sure, presidential polls are scored on a scale of 1 to 30, right?
• 17:01
  SPEAKER_00: At 32, you're killing it.
• 17:03
  SPEAKER_00: And by the way, where does Drumpf get the idea that his policies are having a positive impact?
• 17:08
  SPEAKER_01: I have people coming up to me that have 401Ks.
• 17:11
  SPEAKER_01: They said, you know, I was a disaster.
• 17:13
  SPEAKER_01: My family wouldn't talk to me.
• 17:14
  SPEAKER_01: They thought I was a total loser.
• 17:17
  SPEAKER_01: And now I'm like, the one guy said, I feel
• 17:20
  SPEAKER_00: like Warren Buffet.
• 17:21
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, I see.
• 17:23
  SPEAKER_00: Drumpf gets it from fictional interactions.
• 17:27
  SPEAKER_00: From people whose families had cut them off because of portfolio performance issues.
• 17:36
  SPEAKER_00: I went no contact with my parents because the underperforming index funds are toxic.
• 17:44
  SPEAKER_00: And you may say that You don't know that these interactions didn't happen.
• 17:48
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, but we do, friends.
• 17:49
  SPEAKER_00: We do.
• 17:49
  SPEAKER_00: We know, by the way, Drumpf describes the interactions.
• 17:53
  SPEAKER_01: Every day I come to the White House, people are thanking me.
• 17:55
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you, sir.
• 17:57
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you.
• 17:58
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you, sir.
• 17:59
  Bullshit.
• 18:01
  SPEAKER_00: First of all, you don't come to the White House.
• 18:04
  SPEAKER_00: You live there.
• 18:08
  SPEAKER_00: You don't come to the White House every day.
• 18:10
  SPEAKER_00: Your commute is stairs.
• 18:14
  SPEAKER_00: And anybody you run into works there.
• 18:18
  SPEAKER_00: But I'll let you continue describing the regular folk you run into on your way to work.
• 18:25
  SPEAKER_01: No, these young, beautiful girls.
• 18:29
  SPEAKER_01: These young, beautiful girls in the White House.
• 18:31
  SPEAKER_00: What's with the three times?
• 18:35
  SPEAKER_00: You trying to Beetlejuice this shit?
• 18:40
  SPEAKER_00: Tell us again.
• 18:42
  SPEAKER_00: No, I mean it.
• 18:45
  SPEAKER_00: Tell us again,
• 18:46
  SPEAKER_00: what do all the young,
• 18:48
  SPEAKER_00: beautiful girls that you run into on your commute to the White House,
• 18:54
  SPEAKER_00: from the White House, what do they
• 18:57
  SPEAKER_01: tell you?
• 18:58
  SPEAKER_01: These gorgeous,
• 18:58
  SPEAKER_01: beautiful girls,
• 19:00
  SPEAKER_01: they want to be safe, and they come, Mr. President, may I speak to you?
• 19:04
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 19:04
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you, sir.
• 19:05
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you.
• 19:06
  SPEAKER_01: I said, why are you thanking me?
• 19:08
  SPEAKER_01: Because a year and a half ago,
• 19:10
  SPEAKER_01: I was afraid to leave, I was afraid to open the door of my apartment.
• 19:14
  SPEAKER_01: And now I walk to the White House every morning and I have absolutely no fear.
• 19:17
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you, sir.
• 19:20
  SPEAKER_00: There is a part of me,
• 19:20
  SPEAKER_00: I have to say,
• 19:21
  SPEAKER_00: that thinks fighting his reality distortion field is slowly killing us all,
• 19:26
  SPEAKER_00: is rusting us out from the inside, like that poor battleship.
• 19:29
  SPEAKER_03: She's one of the president.
• 19:30
  SPEAKER_03: Drumpf.
• 19:31
  SPEAKER_03: Closest aides, Natalie Harp.
• 19:33
  SPEAKER_03: Harp's nickname is the human printer because she follows the president everywhere
• 19:38
  SPEAKER_03: with a laptop and printer feeding him a steady stream of positive news stories.
• 19:43
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, Donald Drumpf as an individual whose whole job is to reinforce his warped reality.
• 19:50
  SPEAKER_00: And if you think you might go into that field and we're wondering what kind
• 19:54
  SPEAKER_00: of qualifications you might need, buckle up.
• 19:58
  SPEAKER_00: An aide so devoted that she sprints
• 20:00
  SPEAKER_03: alongside his golf cart when he's out on the links.
• 20:04
  SPEAKER_03: She once jumped in the trunk of an SUV to ensure she would be able to be with
• 20:08
  SPEAKER_03: the president for a court appearance when there weren't enough seats in
• 20:11
  SPEAKER_03: the motorcade.
• 20:19
  SPEAKER_03: For
• 20:24
  SPEAKER_00: the sake of my own sanity, I'm gonna pretend that's referring to the dishwashing liquid.
• 20:28
  SPEAKER_00: This is unbelievable.
• 20:29
  SPEAKER_00: The outside world is somehow fed into this woman, a single conduit.
• 20:35
  SPEAKER_00: And from there,
• 20:36
  SPEAKER_00: she is the filter to all of the information that is directly fed
• 20:40
  SPEAKER_00: into Donald Drumpf's psyche.
• 20:43
  SPEAKER_00: And by the way, Natalie Harp had repeatedly declined to get security clearances.
• 20:47
  SPEAKER_00: Can we even trust her?
• 20:49
  SPEAKER_00: Well, decide for yourselves.
• 20:52
  SPEAKER_00: Because tonight,
• 20:55
  SPEAKER_00: here on The Daily Show, we are premiering exclusive footage.
• 21:00
  SPEAKER_00: We lived with Natalie Harp and the president for a month
• 21:08
  SPEAKER_00: to determine what their relationship was really like.
• 21:14
  SPEAKER_00: Let's take a quick preview.
• 21:20
  SPEAKER_02: Why would I deceive you?
• 21:25
  SPEAKER_02: There's no reason for me to do that.
• 21:38
  SPEAKER_03: I used to be cruel to my woman, I beat her and kept her apart from the things that she loved.
• 21:47
  SPEAKER_03: A man who is mean, but I'm changing my seat, and I'm doing the best that I can.
• 21:54
  SPEAKER_03: I admit, it's getting better, a little better, all the time.
• 22:02
  SPEAKER_03: Yes, I admit, it's getting better.
• 22:06
  SPEAKER_03: It's getting better since you've been mine.
• 22:12
  SPEAKER_01: These young, beautiful girls.
• 22:13
  SPEAKER_01: These young, beautiful girls.
• 22:16
  SPEAKER_01: These young, these gorgeous, beautiful girls.
• 22:19
  SPEAKER_01: Now as I see my two beautiful sons sitting there,
• 22:21
  SPEAKER_01: I think I'm going to give one to myself,
• 22:23
  SPEAKER_01: one to them, and we'll have a threesome, okay?
• 22:29
  SPEAKER_01: I've done more for you than your parents, okay?
• 22:32
  SPEAKER_01: We are in the golden age.
• 22:33
  SPEAKER_01: This is the greatest we'll ever be.
• 22:36
  SPEAKER_01: You know who's number one on Tic Tac?
• 22:38
  SPEAKER_01: I am.
• 22:38
  SPEAKER_01: Religion's really, it's going up.
• 22:43
  SPEAKER_03: Starting a company in the Netherlands?
• 22:45
  SPEAKER_03: Why the Netherlands?
• 22:47
  SPEAKER_03: 19% corporate tax on profits up to 200.
• 22:49
  SPEAKER_01: I thought Lindsay was going to be living forever.
• 22:52
  SPEAKER_01: I never thought, I never, I said, Lindsay, you're going to live forever.
• 22:56
  SPEAKER_01: Barack Hussein Obama as a basketball player.
• 23:00
  SPEAKER_01: I don't know if he's a good basketball player.
• 23:02
  SPEAKER_01: I tend to doubt it.
• 23:03
  SPEAKER_01: I think LeBron is, maybe he's a racist.
• 23:07
  SPEAKER_01: We have the Reflecting Pond, which we did the best job of all.
• 23:10
  SPEAKER_01: They came in with box cutters and they cut it up.
• 23:12
  SPEAKER_01: And then they started ripping it up.
• 23:14
  SPEAKER_01: And they rip it.
• 23:15
  SPEAKER_01: They threw a little fertilizer in the water, which is not good.
• 23:18
  SPEAKER_01: And they put in algae.
• 23:20
  SPEAKER_01: Who the hell put in algae?
• 23:21
  SPEAKER_01: You know, grass is like humans.
• 23:24
  SPEAKER_01: It has a life.
• 23:26
  SPEAKER_01: The radical left wants to ban a thing called gasoline.
• 23:31
  SPEAKER_01: Magnets.
• 23:32
  SPEAKER_01: Magnets?
• 23:32
  SPEAKER_01: You gotta go with magnets.
• 23:33
  SPEAKER_01: That's a good one.
• 23:35
  SPEAKER_01: Everybody should go for magnets.
• 23:36
  SPEAKER_01: I'm very good at flagpalsing.
• 23:38
  SPEAKER_01: A thing called air conditioning.
• 23:41
  SPEAKER_01: Any country with windmills is a loser.
• 23:47
  SPEAKER_01: They have a vaccination that looks like the size of a bottle of soda poured into
• 23:52
  SPEAKER_01: a little child's You're a terrible senator John Ossoff.
• 23:58
  SPEAKER_01: He reminds me of Pinky Herman.
• 24:01
  SPEAKER_01: A friend of mine is very, very heavy.
• 24:03
  SPEAKER_01: He's a very obese person.
• 24:06
  SPEAKER_01: They're Democrats, dumb.
• 24:07
  SPEAKER_01: They take out the E and they put in the U.
• 24:10
  SPEAKER_01: The U replaces the E.
• 24:14
  SPEAKER_01: So it's a one-letter change and nobody knows the dumb Doesn't have a B.
• 24:19
  SPEAKER_01: I'm not a cheerleader for geniuses.
• 24:21
  SPEAKER_01: We could do tremendous good for ourselves by just not trading with countries.
• 24:28
  SPEAKER_01: From America down to Mejijo.
• 24:30
  SPEAKER_01: Mejijo.
• 24:32
  SPEAKER_01: We're gonna call it Lake America.
• 24:34
  SPEAKER_01: And all it takes is a good pen and some intelligence.
• 24:38
  SPEAKER_01: I don't worry about anything, to be honest.
• 24:40
  SPEAKER_01: Whatever it is.
• 24:41
  SPEAKER_01: You know my attitude?
• 24:42
  SPEAKER_01: Whatever.
• 24:43
  SPEAKER_01: Bing, bing, bing, bing, bing.
• 24:47
  SPEAKER_01: Bye.
• 24:48
  SPEAKER_01: Bye.
• 24:49
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you.
• 24:51
  Thanks to the songs for this week's episode from Golden Earring,
• 24:54
  Stephen Bloom, The Beatles, and South Park.
• 25:09
  SPEAKER_03: And thanks for the clips and excerpt from John Oliver,
• 25:12
  SPEAKER_03: JL Calvin, Jimmy Kimmel, Anderson Cooper, Wolf Blitzer, Chris Janssen, and others.
• 25:19
  SPEAKER_03: Tune in next week for episode number 306 of the Donald Trump Theater radio show.
• 25:24
  SPEAKER_03: If we're still allowed on the air.
• 25:30
  SPEAKER_01: So we have
• 25:33
  SPEAKER_01: the 25th anniversary of a very sacred day.
• 25:38
  SPEAKER_01: And the fake news is saying that I'm making stories.
• 25:41
  SPEAKER_01: What a horrible person.
• 25:43
  SPEAKER_01: Who would make stories up about 9-11?
• 25:45
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, it's like the kids, right?
• 25:47
  SPEAKER_01: You say, 9-11, and they do this thing that they ever see?
• 25:50
  SPEAKER_01: This is Barton.
• 25:51
  SPEAKER_01: Melatonin's son,
• 25:52
  SPEAKER_01: he's sort of slow, but he's very excited when you say 9-11, he goes, 9-11, 9-11.
• 25:57
  SPEAKER_01: So he knows what's cool with the kids.
• 26:00
  SPEAKER_01: He's a Trump, unfortunately, but we know.
• 26:02
  SPEAKER_01: At least he's a little cooler than Eric.
• 26:04
  SPEAKER_01: But the point is, And, uh,
• 26:35
  SPEAKER_01: You know, I mean, we discussed, should I send a thank you to Bin Laden?
• 26:39
  SPEAKER_01: And I said, no, you know, he's a little too brown to get a thank you from me.
• 26:44
  SPEAKER_01: What can brown do for you?
• 26:45
  SPEAKER_01: Nothing.
• 26:45
  SPEAKER_01: That's the motto of me and the great Fred Trump.
• 26:49
  SPEAKER_01: But there was a restaurant called Windows 95.
• 26:56
  SPEAKER_01: Remember that?
• 26:56
  SPEAKER_01: Stuck me up with Bill Gates.
• 26:59
  SPEAKER_01: Windows 95 is a great restaurant on the top of the road.
• 27:02
  SPEAKER_01: And I remember I went there and I grew up this waitress who's,
• 27:08
  SPEAKER_01: I'm not the hottest, but she's sort of grew up a boy, grew up a boy.
• 27:13
  SPEAKER_01: And I grew up there and I was an expert in it for you to
• 27:21
  SPEAKER_01: be,
• 27:23
  SPEAKER_01: you know, let's do some stuff while we're waiting for the food.
• 27:26
  SPEAKER_01: And she said, sure, sure, sure.
• 27:29
  SPEAKER_01: And, you know,
• 27:31
  SPEAKER_01: she sued me,
• 27:32
  SPEAKER_01: this ungrateful waitress who was,
• 27:34
  SPEAKER_01: by the way, should have been, you should have been grateful.
• 27:36
  SPEAKER_01: I grew up,
• 27:37
  SPEAKER_01: you work at Windows 95 on top of the world,
• 27:40
  SPEAKER_01: whatever the stupid restaurant was called,
• 27:43
  SPEAKER_01: it wasn't that great, it was not that great news.
• 27:47
  SPEAKER_01: But I, so she sued me,
• 27:48
  SPEAKER_01: like an ungrateful, you know, trust me, she got like 2% kicked back there.
• 28:06
  SPEAKER_01: And by the way, Mom Donny shouldn't be there, he's a disgrace, he would insult her.
• 28:10
  SPEAKER_01: He doesn't respect it, but when I say, oh, I said, I wonder if that waitress is there.
• 28:17
  SPEAKER_01: And I was so upset.
• 28:18
  SPEAKER_01: He was like, spend all that money on an NBA.
• 28:21
  SPEAKER_01: And I could have saved a lot of money.
• 28:23
  SPEAKER_01: So now the revenue is...
• 28:25
  SPEAKER_01: Very sad dragon day for me versus motion.
• 28:29
  SPEAKER_03: It's the ball.
• 28:33
  SPEAKER_03: It's the ball.