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If I’m Not Useful, Will I Still Be Loved? · A Capture Deep Vibs A Positive Space For Inspiration And Embracing Of Heart

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: There's a question most women never say out loud. If
• 0:04
  Speaker 1: I stop being useful, will I still be loved? If
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  Speaker 1: that hits something in you, then this video is for you.
• 0:11
  Speaker 1: When was the last time you felt like yourself? Not
• 0:15
  Speaker 1: someone's support system, not the responsible one, not the caring one,
• 0:19
  Speaker 1: just you. Someone asks how you are, you say, I'm good.
• 0:24
  Speaker 1: And you are, technically. Nothing's wrong. You're not falling apart.
• 0:29
  Speaker 1: But somewhere underneath that, you don't feel much of anything.
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  Speaker 1: Not sad. Not happy. Just empty. The worst part is
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  Speaker 1: you don't even feel like you're allowed to say that.
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  Speaker 1: Because you have people who love you, and you're doing
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  Speaker 1: what you're supposed to be doing. So what is there
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  Speaker 1: to even complain about? Somewhere along the way, you learned
• 0:52
  Speaker 1: rules that nobody ever said out loud. Like be the
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  Speaker 1: one who holds it together, but don't make anyone uncomfortable
• 0:58
  Speaker 1: or have standards. But don't be high maintenance. Speak up,
• 1:02
  Speaker 1: but don't start conflict. Want more, but don't ask for
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  Speaker 1: too much. And nobody really forced you. You just learned
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  Speaker 1: that being easy to love meant being easy to need.
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  Speaker 1: So you got good at reading the room, anticipating what
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  Speaker 1: people need before they ask. Adjusting yourself so nobody ever
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  Speaker 1: has to say anything. And it works. People do like you.
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  Speaker 1: They trust you. They rely on you. But slowly, you've
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  Speaker 1: begun to stop asking for what you want. You've just
• 1:35
  Speaker 1: gotten really used to being the steady one. You have
• 1:39
  Speaker 1: been over-adapting. It's not about success or gratitude. You have
• 1:45
  Speaker 1: been slowly erasing parts of yourself so that you can
• 1:48
  Speaker 1: be easier to love. So no one ever has to
• 1:51
  Speaker 1: question keeping you. You become whoever the moment needs. The
• 1:55
  Speaker 1: calm one, the caring one, the supportive one. And you
• 1:59
  Speaker 1: do it well. You do it really well. So well
• 2:02
  Speaker 1: that eventually you don't know who you are when nobody
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  Speaker 1: needs you. And underneath all of that is a fear.
• 2:11
  Speaker 1: If I stop being useful, will I still be loved?
• 2:15
  Speaker 1: That question whether you ever said it out loud shapes
• 2:19
  Speaker 1: how you show up in every relationship. This is pretty interesting.
• 2:24
  Speaker 1: We recently talked about why so many men feel empty too.
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  Speaker 1: And on the surface, it looked completely different. Men lose
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  Speaker 1: themselves in achievement, in stoicism, in being the provider. Women
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  Speaker 1: lose themselves in being needed, in being easy, in making
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  Speaker 1: sure everyone's okay. Different paths. Same disappearing act. Same root fear.
• 2:48
  Speaker 1: Am I enough if I'm not useful? And then you're
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  Speaker 1: told to fix it with self-care. Take a bath, light
• 2:54
  Speaker 1: a candle. And look, those things are not bad, but
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  Speaker 1: self-care assumes you have a self left to care for.
• 3:02
  Speaker 1: And if your entire identity is built around being needed,
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  Speaker 1: the bath ain't gonna fix it. The candles don't fix
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  Speaker 1: it either. The problem isn't really stress, it's disappearing. So,
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  Speaker 1: if you stopped over-functioning tomorrow, what would actually happen? Would
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  Speaker 1: everything fall apart? Or would other people finally step up?
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  Speaker 1: Sometimes the exhaustion isn't from life being hard, it's from
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  Speaker 1: carrying more than your share. Because you're afraid of what
• 3:33
  Speaker 1: it would mean if you didn't. When you don't know
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  Speaker 1: who you are outside of your role, you reach for
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  Speaker 1: things that make you feel needed, like perfectionism, people-pleasing, endless productivity,
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  Speaker 1: scrolling until you're too tired to think. And that makes
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  Speaker 1: you feel busy, valued, in control. But it doesn't give
• 3:52
  Speaker 1: you an identity. Who are you when you are not performing?
• 3:57
  Speaker 1: The way back probably isn't a new routine, or a
• 4:00
  Speaker 1: habit tracker, or a morning ritual. It's probably smaller than that.
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  Speaker 1: It's one honest moment. What do I actually want right now?
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  Speaker 1: Not what keeps the peace, not what makes me look good,
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  Speaker 1: not what's expected, but what's true. Start there. Practice saying
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  Speaker 1: no without explaining yourself. Let someone be disappointed and don't
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  Speaker 1: spiral about it. Let someone solve their own problem and
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  Speaker 1: notice that the world doesn't end. Build something that belongs
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  Speaker 1: to just you. Not your role, not your responsibilities, but
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  Speaker 1: something that would still matter even if nobody applauded it.
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  Speaker 1: There is a part of you that refuses to disappear.
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  Speaker 1: You've just been pouring out for so long that you
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  Speaker 1: forgot to pour anything back into yourself. So that part
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  Speaker 1: of you has gotten hidden, but not lost. So you
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  Speaker 1: don't need to become someone brand new. You just need
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  Speaker 1: to be able to notice when you're disappearing again and
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  Speaker 1: decide that this time you're not going to pretend that
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  Speaker 1: you aren't. If this resonated with you, you might also
• 5:11
  Speaker 1: want to watch our video on why modern men feel empty.
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  Speaker 1: The experience looks different, but the core feeling is often
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  Speaker 1: the same. Thank you so much for being here and
• 5:20
  Speaker 1: we'll see you soon.