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06 - Alice's Adventures in Wonderland - Lewis Carroll · Thrilling Adventures - Daily

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  Speaker 1: Chapter six, Pig and Pepper. For a minute or two
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  Speaker 1: she stood looking at the house and wondering what to
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  Speaker 1: do next, when suddenly a footman in livery came running
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  Speaker 1: out of the wood. She considered a footman because he
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  Speaker 1: was in Livery, Otherwise, judging by his face only, she
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  Speaker 1: would have called him a fish, and rapped loudly at
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  Speaker 1: the door with his knuckles. It was opened by another
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  Speaker 1: footman in Livery, with a round face in large eyes
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  Speaker 1: like a frog, and both footmen, Alice noticed, had powdered
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  Speaker 1: hair and curls all over their head. She felt very
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  Speaker 1: curious to know what it was all about, and crept
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  Speaker 1: a little way out of the wood to listen. The
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  Speaker 1: fish footman began by producing from under his arm a
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  Speaker 1: great letter, nearly as large as himself, and this he
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  Speaker 1: handed over to the other, saying, in a solemn tone,
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  Speaker 1: for the Duchess an invitation from the Queen to play croquet.
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  Speaker 1: The frog footman repeated, in the same solemn tone, only
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  Speaker 1: changing the order of the words a little, from the
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  Speaker 1: Queen an invitation for the duchess to play croquet. Then
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  Speaker 1: they both bowed, and their curls got entangled together. Alice
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  Speaker 1: laught so much as that she had to run back
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  Speaker 1: into the wood for fear of their hearing her. And
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  Speaker 1: when she next peeped out, the fish footman was gone,
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  Speaker 1: and the other was sitting on the ground near the door,
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  Speaker 1: staring stupidly up into the sky. Alice went timidly up
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  Speaker 1: to the door and knocked. There's no sort of use
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  Speaker 1: in knocking, said the footman, and that for two reasons.
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  Speaker 1: First because I'm on the same side of the door
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  Speaker 1: as you. Secondly, because they are making such a noise
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  Speaker 1: inside that no one could possibly hear you. And certainly
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  Speaker 1: there was a most extraordinary noise going on within, a
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  Speaker 1: constant howling and sneezing, and every now and then a
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  Speaker 1: great crash, as if a dish or a kettle had
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  Speaker 1: been broken to pieces. Please, then, said Alice, how am
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  Speaker 1: I to get in? There might be some sense in
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  Speaker 1: your knocking, The footman went on, without attending to her,
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  Speaker 1: if we had a door between us, for instance, if
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  Speaker 1: you were inside, you might knock and I could let
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  Speaker 1: you out. You know, he was looking up into the
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  Speaker 1: sky all the time he was speaking. And this, Alice thought,
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  Speaker 1: decidedly and civil. But perhaps he can't help it. She
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  Speaker 1: said to herself. His eyes are so very nearly at
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  Speaker 1: the top of his head. But at any rate he
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  Speaker 1: might answer questions, How am I to get in? She
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  Speaker 1: repeat aloud. I shall sit here, the footman remarked, till tomorrow.
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  Speaker 1: At this moment, the door of the house opened, and
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  Speaker 1: a large plate came skimming out straight for the footman's head.
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  Speaker 1: It just grazed his nose and broke to pieces against
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  Speaker 1: one of the trees behind him. Or next day maybe,
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  Speaker 1: The footman continued in the same tone, exactly as if
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  Speaker 1: nothing had happened. How am I to get in? Asked
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  Speaker 1: Alice in a louder tone. Are you to get in
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  Speaker 1: at all? Said the footman, that's the first question, you know,
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  Speaker 1: It was no doubt. Only Alice did not like to
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  Speaker 1: be told. So it's really dreadful, she muttered to herself,
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  Speaker 1: the way all these creatures argue. It's enough to drive
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  Speaker 1: one crazy. The footman seemed to think this a good
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  Speaker 1: opportunity for repeating his remark with variations. I shall sit here,
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  Speaker 1: he said, on and off for days and days. But
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  Speaker 1: what am I to do, said Alice. Anything you like,
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  Speaker 1: said the footman, and began whistling. Oh, there's no use
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  Speaker 1: in talking to him, said Alice desperately. He's perfectly idiotic,
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  Speaker 1: and then opened the door and went in. The door
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  Speaker 1: led right into a large kitchen which was full of
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  Speaker 1: smoke from one end to the other. The Duchess was
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  Speaker 1: sitting on a three legged stool in the middle, nursing
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  Speaker 1: a baby. The cook was leaning over the fire, stirring
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  Speaker 1: a large caldron which seemed to be full of soup.
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  Speaker 1: There's certainly too much pepper in that soup, Alice said
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  Speaker 1: to herself, as well as she could for sneezing, there
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  Speaker 1: certainly was too much of it in the air. Even
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  Speaker 1: the Duchess sneezed occasionally, and as for the baby, was
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  Speaker 1: sneezing and howling alternately without a moment's pause. The only
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  Speaker 1: two creatures in the kitchen that did not sneeze were
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  Speaker 1: the cook and the large cat, which was laying on
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  Speaker 1: the hearth and grinning from ear to ear. Please, would
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  Speaker 1: you tell me, said Alice, a little timidly, for she
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  Speaker 1: was not quite sure whether it was good manners for
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  Speaker 1: her to speak. First, Why you are cat grins like that?
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  Speaker 1: It's a cheshure cat, said the Duchess, and that's why pig.
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  Speaker 1: She said the last word with such sudden violence that
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  Speaker 1: Alice quite jumped, But she saw in another moment that
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  Speaker 1: it was addressed to the baby and not to her,
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  Speaker 1: so she took courage and went on again. I didn't
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  Speaker 1: know that Cheshire cats always grinned. In fact, I didn't
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  Speaker 1: know that cats could grin They all can, said the Duchess,
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  Speaker 1: And most of them do. I don't know any of that, do,
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  Speaker 1: said Alice, very politely, feeling quite pleased to have gotten
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  Speaker 1: into a conversation. You don't know much, said the Duchess,
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  Speaker 1: and that's a fact. Alice did not like it all
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  Speaker 1: the tone of this remark, and thought it would be
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  Speaker 1: as well to introduce some other subject of conversation. While
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  Speaker 1: she was trying to fix on one, the cook took
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  Speaker 1: the caldron of soup off the fire and at once
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  Speaker 1: set to work throwing everything within her reach at the
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  Speaker 1: Duchess and the baby. The fire irons came first, then
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  Speaker 1: followed a shower of saucepans, plates, and dishes. The Duchess
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  Speaker 1: took no notice of them even when they hit her,
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  Speaker 1: and the baby was howling so much already that it
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  Speaker 1: was quite impossible to say whether the blows hurt it
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  Speaker 1: or not. Oh please mind what you're doing, cried Alex,
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  Speaker 1: jumping up and down an agony of terror. Oh there
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  Speaker 1: goes as precious nose as an unusually large saucepan flew by,
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  Speaker 1: and very nearly carried it off. If everybody minded their
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  Speaker 1: own business, this said the Duchess in a horse growl.
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  Speaker 1: The world would go around a deal faster than it does,
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  Speaker 1: which would not be an advantage, said Alice, who felt
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  Speaker 1: very glad to get an opportunity of showing off a
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  Speaker 1: little of her knowledge. Just think of what work it
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  Speaker 1: would make of her the day and night. You see,
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  Speaker 1: the earth takes twenty four hours to turn around on
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  Speaker 1: its axis. Talking of axis, said the Duchess, chop off
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  Speaker 1: her head. Alice glanced rather anxiously at the cook to
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  Speaker 1: see if she meant to take the hint, but the
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  Speaker 1: cook was busily stirring the soup and seemed not to
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  Speaker 1: be listening. She went on again, twenty four hours, I think,
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  Speaker 1: or is it twelve? I? Oh, don't bother me, said
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  Speaker 1: the Duchess. I never could abide figures, And with this
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  Speaker 1: she began nursing the child again singing a sort of
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  Speaker 1: lullabye to it as she did so, and giving a
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  Speaker 1: violent shake at the end of every line, speak roughly
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  Speaker 1: to your little boy, and beat him when he sneezes.
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  Speaker 1: He only does it to annoy because he knows it teases.
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  Speaker 1: And then the chorus, in which the cook and the
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  Speaker 1: baby joined Wow Wow Wow. While the duchess saying the
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  Speaker 1: second verse of the song, she kept tossing the baby
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  Speaker 1: violently up and down, and the poor little thing howled
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  Speaker 1: so that Alice could hardly hear the words, I speak
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  Speaker 1: severely to my boy and beat him when he sneezes,
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  Speaker 1: for he can thoroughly enjoy the pepper when he pleases.
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  Speaker 1: Wow wow Wow. Here you might nurse it a bit
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  Speaker 1: if you like, The duchess said to Alice, flinging the
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  Speaker 1: baby at her as she spoke, I must go and
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  Speaker 1: get ready to play croquet with the Queen. And she
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  Speaker 1: hurried out the room, and the cook threw a frying
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  Speaker 1: pan after her. She went, but just missed her. Alice
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  Speaker 1: caught the baby with some difficulty, as it was a
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  Speaker 1: queer shaped little creature, and held out its arms and
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  Speaker 1: legs in all directions, just like a starfish, thought Alice.
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  Speaker 1: The poor little thing was snorting like a steam engine
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  Speaker 1: when she caught it, and kept doubling itself up and
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  Speaker 1: straightening itself out again, so that altogether for the first
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  Speaker 1: minute or two, it was as much as she could
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  Speaker 1: do to hold it. As soon as she had made
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  Speaker 1: out the proper way of nursing it, which was to
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  Speaker 1: twist it up in a sort of knot, and then
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  Speaker 1: keep tight hold of its rear end and left foot
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  Speaker 1: to prevent its undoing itself, she carried it into the
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  Speaker 1: open air. If I don't take this child away from me,
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  Speaker 1: thought Alice, they're sure to kill it in a day
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  Speaker 1: or two. Wouldn't it be murder to leave it behind?
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  Speaker 1: She said the last words out loud, and the little
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  Speaker 1: thing grunted in reply. It had left off sneezing by
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  Speaker 1: this time. Don't grunt, said Alice. That's not at all
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  Speaker 1: a proper way of expressing yourself. The baby grunted again,
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  Speaker 1: and Alice looked very anxiously into its face to see
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  Speaker 1: what was the matter with it. There could be no
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  Speaker 1: doubt that it had a very turn up nose, which
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  Speaker 1: was more like a snout than a real nose. Also,
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  Speaker 1: its eyes were getting extremely small for a baby altogether.
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  Speaker 1: Alice did not like the look of the thing at all.
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  Speaker 1: But perhaps it's only sobbing, she thought, and looked into
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  Speaker 1: its eyes again to see if there were any tears. No,
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  Speaker 1: there were no tears. If you're going to turn into
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  Speaker 1: a pig, my dear, said Alice, seriously, I've got nothing
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  Speaker 1: more to do with you mine now. The poor little
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  Speaker 1: thing sobbed again or grunted, it was impossible to say which,
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  Speaker 1: and then went on for some while in silence. Alice
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  Speaker 1: was just beginning to think to herself, now what am
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  Speaker 1: I supposed to do with this creature when I get home?
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  Speaker 1: When it grunted again so violently that she looked down
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  Speaker 1: into its face with some alarm. This time, there could
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  Speaker 1: be no mistake about it. It was neither more or
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  Speaker 1: less than a pig, and she felt that it would
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  Speaker 1: be quite absurd for her to carry it any further.
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  Speaker 1: So she let the little creature down, and felt quite
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  Speaker 1: relieved to see it trot away quietly into the woods.
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  Speaker 1: If it had grown up, she said to herself, it
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  Speaker 1: would have made a dreadfully ugly child, But it makes
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  Speaker 1: a rather handsome pig. I think and she began thinking
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  Speaker 1: of her other children she knew who might do very
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  Speaker 1: well as pigs, and was just saying to herself, if
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  Speaker 1: one only knew the right way to change them. When
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  Speaker 1: she was a little startled by seeing the cheshire cat
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  Speaker 1: sitting on the bow of a tree just a few
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  Speaker 1: yards off. The cat only grinned when it saw Alice,
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  Speaker 1: and it looked good natured, she thought. Still, it had
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  Speaker 1: very long claws and a great many teeth, so she
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  Speaker 1: felt that it ought to be treated with respect. Cheshire Puss.
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  Speaker 1: She began rather timidly, and she did not at all
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  Speaker 1: know whether it would like the name. However, it only
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  Speaker 1: grinned a little wider. Come, it's pleased so far, thought Alice,
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  Speaker 1: and she went on, would you tell me please which
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  Speaker 1: way I ought to go from here? That depends a
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  Speaker 1: good deal on where you want to go, said the cat.
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  Speaker 1: I don't much care where, said Alice. Then it doesn't
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  Speaker 1: matter which way you go, said the cat, so as
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  Speaker 1: long as I go somewhere, Alice added with explanation. Oh,
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  Speaker 1: you're sure to do that, said the cat, if only
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  Speaker 1: you walk long enough. Alice felt that this could not
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  Speaker 1: be denied, so she tried another question, what sort of
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  Speaker 1: people live about here? In that direction, the cat said,
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  Speaker 1: waving its right par round, lives a hatter, and in
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  Speaker 1: that direction, waving the other paw, leaves a march here.
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  Speaker 1: Visit either you like? They're both mad, But I don't
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  Speaker 1: want to go among mad people. Alice remarked, Oh, you
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  Speaker 1: can't help that, said the cat. We're all mad here.
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  Speaker 1: I'm mad, you're mad. How do you know I'm mad?
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  Speaker 1: Said Alice. You must be, said the cat, or you
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  Speaker 1: wouldn't have come here. Alice didn't think that proves it
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  Speaker 1: at all. However, she went on, and how do you
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  Speaker 1: know that you're mad to begin with? Said the cat.
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  Speaker 1: A dog's not mad? You grat that? I suppose so,
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  Speaker 1: said Alice. Well, then the cat went on. You see
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  Speaker 1: a dog growls when it's angry and wags its tail
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  Speaker 1: when it's pleased. Now I growl when I'm pleased and
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  Speaker 1: wag my tail when I'm angry. Therefore I'm mad. I
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  Speaker 1: call it purring, not growling, said Alice. Call it what
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  Speaker 1: you like, said the cat. Do you play croquet with
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  Speaker 1: the Queen today? I should like it very much, said Alice.
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  Speaker 1: But I haven't been invited yet, you'll see me there,
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  Speaker 1: said the cat, and vanished. Alice was not much surprised
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  Speaker 1: at this, she was getting so well used to the
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  Speaker 1: queer things happening. While she was still looking at the
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  Speaker 1: place where it had been, it suddenly appeared again by
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  Speaker 1: the bye. What became of the baby? Said the cat.
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  Speaker 1: I'd nearly forgotten to ask. It turned into a pig,
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  Speaker 1: Alice answered, very quietly, just as if the cat had
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  Speaker 1: come back in a natural way. I thought it would,
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  Speaker 1: said the cat, and vanished again. Alice waited a little
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  Speaker 1: half expecting to see it again, but it did not appear.
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  Speaker 1: After a minute or two, she walked on in the
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  Speaker 1: direction in which the march Hare was said to live.
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  Speaker 1: I've seen hatteras before, she said to herself. The march
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  Speaker 1: Hare will be much more interesting, and perhaps, as this says, may,
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  Speaker 1: it won't be raving mad, at least not so mad
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  Speaker 1: as it was in March. She said this, she looked up,
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  Speaker 1: and there was the cat again, sitting on the branch
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  Speaker 1: of a tree. Did you say, pig or fig? Said
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  Speaker 1: the cat. I said pig, replied Alice. And I wish
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  Speaker 1: that you wouldn't keep appearing and vanishing so suddenly you
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  Speaker 1: make one quite giddy, all right, said the cat, And
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  Speaker 1: this time it vanished quite slowly, beginning with the end
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  Speaker 1: of the tail and ending with the grin, which remained
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  Speaker 1: some time after the rest of it had gone. Well.
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  Speaker 1: I've often seen a cat without a grin, thought Alice.
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  Speaker 1: But a grin without a cat, It's the most curious
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  Speaker 1: thing I ever saw in all my life. She had
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  Speaker 1: not gone much further before she came in sight of
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  Speaker 1: the house of the march Hare. She thought it must
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  Speaker 1: be the right house, because the chimneys were shaped like ears,
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  Speaker 1: and the roof was thatched with fur. It was such
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  Speaker 1: a large house that she did not like to go
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  Speaker 1: nearer till she had nibbled some more of the left
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  Speaker 1: hand bit of a mushroom, and she raised herself about
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  Speaker 1: two feet high. Even then, she walked up towards it
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  Speaker 1: rather timidly, saying to herself, suppose it should be raving mad.
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  Speaker 1: After all, I almost wish I'd gone to the hatter instead.
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  Speaker 1: End of Chapter six