Latest / The Burnout Podcast with Fexingo: Workplace Exhaustion, Recovery, and Sustainable Careers / How Burnout Silences Your Workday Voice
Transcript
- Lucas: So I was talking to a product manager a few weeks ago, and she told me something that really stuck with me. She said she used to be the person in the room who'd ask the hard questions, push back when something didn't make sense. And after about a year of constant overtime and impossible deadlines, she just stopped. Luna: Stopped asking questions entirely? Lucas: Pretty much. She'd sit in meetings and hear herself think 'that's wrong' or 'we should consider this' — and then say nothing. It wasn't that she didn't care anymore. It was like there was a filter between her brain and her mouth, and the filter was just exhaustion. Luna: I think I know exactly what she means. There's a moment where you weigh the cost of speaking up — the energy, the potential pushback — and it just feels too heavy. Lucas: Exactly. And that's what I want to dig into today. Because we talk a lot about burnout as physical exhaustion, or emotional distance, but there's this quieter symptom that doesn't get as much attention. It's the loss of your voice at work. Not because you're scared, but because you're depleted. Luna: And it's not just about meetings. It can show up in one-on-ones, in emails, in performance reviews. You stop advocating for yourself, you stop pushing back on bad ideas, you stop offering suggestions. Lucas: Right. There's actually a term for this in psychology — learned helplessness. It's when you've been in situations where your actions don't seem to change the outcome, so you stop trying. And burnout can create that feeling — you're putting in all this effort, and the demands just keep coming. At a certain point, your brain decides it's not worth the energy. Luna: That makes sense. And it's not just psychological — there's a physical cost to staying silent, too. There's research that shows suppressing your opinions can increase stress hormones and even affect your heart health. Lucas: Yeah, and that's the cruel irony. Staying silent is supposed to conserve energy, but it actually adds to the stress load. You're not saving anything — you're just internalizing the conflict instead of putting it on the table. Luna: So how do you break that cycle? Because it's not as simple as just 'speak up more' — that's like telling someone with a broken leg to just walk it off. Lucas: Totally. It has to be about rebuilding that muscle gradually, and also about addressing the root causes. One thing that helped my product manager friend was setting a personal rule: she'd commit to speaking at least once per meeting, even if it was just to ask a clarifying question. Something low-stakes that got her in the habit of hearing her own voice again. Luna: That's a smart first step. But what about the deeper issue — the workload that got you there in the first place? Lucas: Right, and that's the hard part. Because if you're fundamentally oversubscribed, no amount of 'speaking up' is going to fix it. You have to look at the systems around you. Are you expected to be available 24/7? Are you taking on work that isn't yours? Is your manager actually listening when you raise concerns? Luna: And if the answer is no, then maybe the voice you need to reclaim is the one that says 'I can't take on more' or 'I need a change.' Lucas: Exactly. Sometimes speaking up isn't about winning an argument in a meeting. It's about stating a boundary: 'Here's what I can realistically do, and here's what I need to step back from.' That's a form of using your voice, too. Luna: It is. And I think that's why the silence is so dangerous — it lets other people define what's possible for you. You become a passenger in your own career. Lucas: And the longer that goes on, the harder it is to get back in the driver's seat. There's a self-reinforcing loop: you stay quiet, you feel less effective, which makes you feel less confident, which makes you even quieter. Luna: So how do you interrupt that loop? Besides the 'speak once a meeting' trick. Lucas: One approach that's been gaining traction is what some career coaches call 'pre-mortems' — before a project kicks off, you set aside time to say, 'If this fails in six months, what's the likely cause?' And you invite people to share concerns openly. That creates a structured space for voice, which is easier than ad-hoc pushing back. Luna: Oh, that's interesting. It's a way to make dissent normal rather than personal. Lucas: Right. And it's not just about the team dynamic — it's about giving yourself permission to be the one who raises risks. That can be a gentler on-ramp for someone who's used to staying quiet. Luna: I also think there's something to be said about the medium. Some people find it easier to write than to speak, especially when they're drained. So maybe drafting a concern in a shared doc or Slack first can be a bridge. Lucas: That's a really good point. In some teams, asynchronous communication is the norm anyway. And it gives you time to formulate your thoughts without the adrenaline spike of a live meeting. Luna: And for managers listening — what can they do to make it safer for people to find their voice again? Lucas: The biggest thing is to genuinely welcome input. That means not punishing people for disagreeing, even when it's inconvenient. And it means actively asking the quiet people in the room — not to put them on the spot, but to signal that their perspective matters. Luna: Yes. There's a difference between 'Does anyone have ideas?' and 'Lena, you've been quiet — what's your take?' Lucas: Exactly. The second one gives someone explicit permission to speak, which can be huge when you're fighting that internal resistance. Luna: I also think it's important to recognize that not everyone wants to be the loudest voice in the room. Some people contribute best in smaller groups or one-on-one conversations. Lucas: That's true, and we should be careful not to equate 'speaking up in a big meeting' with 'having a voice.' Voice can be exercised in a lot of different ways — through written feedback, through mentoring others, through leading a small project. Luna: Right. The goal is to feel like you have agency, not to perform a certain way. Lucas: And that's the thing — burnout steals your sense of agency. So reclaiming your voice is really about reclaiming your belief that what you say matters. And that's a journey, not a switch. Luna: You know, this conversation reminds me of something you told me a while back — that you only started feeling like a real journalist when you began asking the 'dumb' questions in newsroom meetings. Lucas: Ha, that's true. And look, if this conversation has helped you think about your own work situation, I'd say the same thing I always say — if it was worth a coffee to you, you know where to find us. It's buy me a coffee dot com slash fexingo. That's what keeps this show free and ad-free. Luna: Yeah, and honestly, even a small amount makes a difference. We're not trying to fund a yacht here. Lucas: Definitely not. But back to the topic — I think it's worth saying that you don't have to wait until you're fully recovered to start using your voice again. Even in the middle of a tough season, you can take small, deliberate actions. The key is to lower the stakes and build momentum. Luna: So what's a good first step for someone who feels completely voiceless right now? Lucas: I'd say start with one conversation. Pick a person you trust — a peer, a mentor — and tell them what you're struggling with. That's not the same as speaking up in a meeting, but it's a way to break the silence and remind yourself that your experience is valid. Luna: And then maybe turn that into one small ask. 'Could we talk about how I'm allocating my time?' or 'I'd like to share a concern about this project.' Lucas: Right. And as you do that, notice what happens. Does the sky fall? Usually not. You get a little evidence that speaking up doesn't lead to catastrophe, and that builds a foundation. Luna: It's about reconnecting your voice to a positive outcome, even a tiny one. Lucas: Exactly. Over time, that's how you move from silence to a place where you can advocate for yourself — and for others, too. Because one of the most powerful things about finding your voice is that it gives other people permission to find theirs.