Latest / INSPIRE STORY / The Starship of Theseus (Season 2, Episode 1)

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The Starship of Theseus (Season 2, Episode 1) · INSPIRE STORY

• 0:27
  Speaker 1: Yes, doctor Kuzunde. Hi, I'm at the university. I'm your
• 0:32
  new assistant. My name is Ah.
• 0:34
  Speaker 2: You're just in time. I was about to turn on
• 0:36
  the machine. Come in, Come in, take off your shoes
• 0:40
  at the door, and meet me into laboratory.
• 0:43
  Speaker 1: Wow, this place is incredible. Wait a second, is that
• 0:47
  a three dimensional penrose triangle? Ah?
• 0:49
  Speaker 2: Yes, good eye.
• 0:52
  Speaker 1: I thought they were impossible.
• 0:55
  Speaker 2: Impossible, impossible. It's just a word that God you uses
• 1:00
  to challenge us scientists. Our pursuit is a noble one
• 1:05
  to break barriers, to challenge what is and what maybe,
• 1:09
  to get our hands dirty. And the name of Portress
• 1:12
  was a good of all mankind, speaking of God.
• 1:15
  Speaker 1: Oh my God, is that a mech suit?
• 1:17
  Speaker 2: Excellent use of segue. Yes, it is a fully functioning
• 1:21
  prototype modeled after my favorite anime, empowered by pure diesel.
• 1:27
  Never leave home without it. They hate me. It's a
• 1:29
  farmer's market. And over there is that indeed a genuine
• 1:33
  Jacalobe specimen. I performed the gene splicing on this fund myself.
• 1:38
  His name is mister Cheesers.
• 1:41
  Speaker 1: Why is he suspended in a vat of green liquid.
• 1:44
  Speaker 2: Because he was a naughty boy?
• 1:47
  Speaker 1: And why does it look like his eyes are following
• 1:49
  me wherever I go.
• 1:50
  Speaker 2: Because he's wanting you. I made him mortal, you see
• 1:54
  as a joke.
• 1:55
  Speaker 1: Wow, I was told that this research facility was cutting edge,
• 1:58
  but I had no idea just how advanced this operation
• 2:01
  was going to be.
• 2:02
  Speaker 2: Speaking of cutting edge, watch out for that light sword.
• 2:06
  Speaker 1: Whoa what is that?
• 2:08
  Speaker 2: As I'm sure you are aware, this facility is home
• 2:11
  to one of the top ten mul sophisticated weapons development
• 2:14
  programs in the entire city of Houston, Texas. The device
• 2:18
  you very nearly bumped into is a blade created entirely
• 2:22
  out of laser.
• 2:23
  Speaker 1: Like some kind of laser saber something like that.
• 2:26
  Speaker 2: They're still workshoppings in name anyhow enough dilly dalllying, let
• 2:29
  us get on vis the matter at hand, the machine.
• 2:35
  Take a look, unnamed assistant, what do you see?
• 2:39
  Speaker 1: Ah? Well, it looks like a large rectangular glass chamber
• 2:43
  with a folding door.
• 2:45
  Speaker 2: It's a repurposed telephone booth. I managed to acquire as
• 2:49
  a base device from a local scrap yard.
• 2:52
  Speaker 1: What is a telephone booth?
• 2:54
  Speaker 2: Many years ago you could find these things on every
• 2:57
  street corner. If you needed to make a phone call
• 3:00
  in private, you could sneak into one of these booths
• 3:03
  with your cell phone and avoid being disturbed by nosey nancies.
• 3:06
  Of course, these kiosks for primarily used by phonicating hoboes
• 3:10
  and superheroes in need of a Volde Hope change. But
• 3:14
  that's enough lamenting about ancient history. Let's talk about the future.
• 3:19
  I have three programmed the telephone booths to do something
• 3:22
  far more interesting. And why because God told me I
• 3:29
  couldn't now hand me that banana.
• 3:33
  Speaker 1: I'm sorry?
• 3:33
  Speaker 2: What the banana right there on the table? This one, No,
• 3:37
  not that one. I'm saving that one for lunch, the
• 3:40
  old spotted one behind it.
• 3:41
  Speaker 1: Here you are, professor.
• 3:42
  Speaker 2: SU's a plantain?
• 3:44
  Speaker 1: Oh? This one such an apple?
• 3:45
  Speaker 2: Are you serious?
• 3:47
  Speaker 1: Sorry? That's my first day?
• 3:48
  Speaker 2: Sh do I need to fetch it myself?
• 3:52
  Speaker 1: Got it here? You are professor, I mean doctor, I
• 3:55
  mean doctor, a professor.
• 3:56
  Speaker 2: Thank you. Now we begin teleportation process.
• 4:01
  Speaker 1: The word stand back. It is done.
• 4:09
  Speaker 2: Follow me, don't try and keep up tosi olarium. Please
• 4:17
  ignore your giant plant versus shark teeth.
• 4:20
  Speaker 3: Feed me.
• 4:22
  Speaker 2: Here it is the other teleport booth.
• 4:26
  Speaker 1: Oh my goodness, is that a banana? You actually teleported
• 4:30
  it across time? And space all the way here. This
• 4:32
  is incredible. You're going to revolutionize the transportation industry as
• 4:36
  we know it.
• 4:37
  Speaker 2: Yes, yes, I am rather pleased. The only question I've
• 4:41
  yet to answer is what to do? Is the original banana?
• 4:46
  Speaker 1: Come again? Follow me?
• 4:48
  Speaker 2: You see? Is it teleportation device works? By analyzing? Is
• 4:51
  it teleportes energy field compete to its submolecular level. Then
• 4:56
  this was the magic of quantum entanglement. The information is
• 5:00
  to the secondary location as a subject is then reconstructed
• 5:04
  in the exact same form, down to the atomic makeup
• 5:10
  because the particles are entangled and close. This allow him
• 5:13
  door behind us? Would you but alive that Location two
• 5:17
  will be perfectly identical in every single way to what
• 5:20
  was scanned at location von Uh huh?
• 5:24
  Speaker 1: What exactly did you mean by the original banana?
• 5:27
  Speaker 4: There?
• 5:28
  Speaker 2: You see right very left? It the banana remarkable, isn't it?
• 5:34
  You never know the difference because there is absolutely no difference,
• 5:40
  the size, the taste, the slipperiness. Anyway, hand me that
• 5:46
  vapor geiser, it's right there on the all behind the
• 5:48
  light rapier.
• 5:52
  Speaker 1: You mean this?
• 5:53
  Speaker 2: Thank you? There? Now, if we've converted the original banana
• 6:02
  into pure energy, which we can harness for the next teleportation.
• 6:08
  Speaker 1: If I may point something out, sir, it seems to
• 6:11
  me that what we've created here at the isn't a teleporder.
• 6:15
  It's just a replicator.
• 6:16
  Speaker 2: It can be balls like a shampoo and conditioner, or
• 6:19
  a wolf and a human. Oh oh, this is fascinating.
• 6:24
  What is the amount of energy if we get from
• 6:26
  vaporizing the original banana? Is significantly less than the amount
• 6:31
  necessary to power the as a replicator to move one banana.
• 6:37
  Speaker 1: I can't believe this. It's a good thing we started
• 6:39
  with the banana. Can you even begin to imagine the
• 6:42
  moral implications of replicating a conscious sentient being?
• 6:45
  Speaker 2: Fib alls are imagining it?
• 6:52
  Speaker 5: M Oh, why don't I have an assistant for this
• 7:00
  part of it? You're oh, that's why I don't him out. Ugh,
• 7:08
  but what are you doing?
• 7:10
  Speaker 2: What does it look like? I'm sciencing? Wait, let me
• 7:14
  out of here or in good time? First, I need
• 7:17
  to adjust the settings. Tell me approximately how many bananas
• 7:20
  do you weigh?
• 7:22
  Speaker 1: What?
• 7:22
  Speaker 2: Never mind, I'll guess.
• 7:24
  Speaker 1: Why are you doing this? You've already accomplished the holy
• 7:27
  grail of scientific achievement. You've developed a replicator. Show this
• 7:31
  to the community. And they'll show you the Nobel Prize.
• 7:34
  This machine can be used to solve world hunger, a
• 7:36
  mass of fortune with precious jewels, usher in a new
• 7:39
  era of peace on Earth.
• 7:41
  Speaker 2: Yeah, but I don't want to do any of that stuff.
• 7:43
  I won't to make a teleporter.
• 7:45
  Speaker 6: Why because I really really hate airports.
• 8:02
  Speaker 1: What where am I? Hello? Ah?
• 8:14
  Speaker 2: It worked? Come come in Please, there's someone I want
• 8:17
  you to meet.
• 8:18
  Speaker 1: Is that Cloney?
• 8:20
  Speaker 2: Stop?
• 8:20
  Speaker 1: Stop that? No, I'm not clone clone remarkable.
• 8:24
  Speaker 2: Tell me how does your molecular structure feel?
• 8:27
  Speaker 1: You feel fine? I guess no, normal him.
• 8:33
  Speaker 2: Any pain, temporal displacement, sensations of melting. These could be
• 8:38
  signs of rapid genome degradation.
• 8:40
  Speaker 1: Wait, that's the thing. I mean. I have a slight headache,
• 8:44
  But I had that before I woke up the telephone booth.
• 8:47
  Speaker 2: Yes, that's probably because I hit you over the head.
• 8:50
  Visus lead pipe for science. Now tell me which of
• 8:55
  the two of you should I vaporize into raw energy?
• 9:00
  Speaker 7: Ah?
• 9:02
  Speaker 1: Well, uh, I don't think I needed to see that.
• 9:06
  It looked horrible.
• 9:08
  Speaker 2: Yes, there's got to be a simpler way to do this.
• 9:11
  If I were to attach the vaporizer to the original
• 9:13
  transportation part. I could vaporize the original subject immediately after
• 9:18
  this scan is complete, but there remains a significant disparity
• 9:23
  between the energy necessary to transport and the amount harvested
• 9:26
  by this subject. This is going to require some more experimenting.
• 9:33
  Speaker 1: Did he feel any pain when you vaporized him?
• 9:35
  Speaker 2: Here see for yourself. Don't look at me like that,
• 9:43
  mister cheesers. You know how important my work is. He
• 9:47
  is going to go to the police. I could see
• 9:49
  it in his eyes. I can't be distracted by petty
• 9:52
  laws every single time I knock out or injure or
• 9:55
  vaporize and assistant.
• 9:58
  Speaker 1: Oh that thought.
• 10:01
  Speaker 2: A hello, you must be the new applicant Fosy apprenticeship.
• 10:06
  You're just in time. I was about to turn on
• 10:08
  the machine.
• 10:09
  Speaker 3: No, I'm your uber eats guy.
• 10:12
  Speaker 2: Oh tell me, mister Yoruba. Have you ever seen the
• 10:16
  two thousand and six psychological swiller The Prestige, directed by
• 10:20
  Christopher Nolan. No, hmm, I thought about the classic nineteen
• 10:25
  eighty six body horror film The Fly starring Jeff Goldbloom.
• 10:29
  Speaker 1: I don't think so perfect.
• 10:31
  Speaker 2: Would you like to make twenty bucks?
• 10:33
  Speaker 1: Look quick?
• 10:33
  Speaker 2: Sure, lovely, come right in, Take off your shoes. At zidor.
• 10:39
  Speaker 8: Wow, there are a lot of shoes here.
• 10:43
  Speaker 2: Why are there so many shoes? Because today has been
• 10:46
  a long day for science.
• 11:11
  Speaker 9: Meanwhile in the future.
• 11:23
  Speaker 10: Okay, that's enough work for one cycle computer.
• 11:28
  Speaker 2: What do you want, Nick Lai?
• 11:30
  Speaker 10: Send mom bought to my location. I need her to
• 11:33
  help me clean up this mess I've made.
• 11:35
  Speaker 3: Aren't you supposed to be working on repairing the ship.
• 11:38
  Speaker 11: You fool?
• 11:38
  Speaker 10: What does it look like I'm doing?
• 11:40
  Speaker 3: It looks like your play in the ship's gymnasium.
• 11:44
  Speaker 10: This is not play, you moronic electronic. This is target
• 11:48
  practice and defensive training. It is important for your captain
• 11:51
  to remain in tip top physical condition in case we
• 11:54
  should find ourselves in trouble.
• 11:56
  Speaker 3: But we are in trouble. The starships is floating in
• 12:01
  space without power and unless you repair the enes.
• 12:04
  Speaker 10: Yes, I know, blah blah blah, repairs are well under way.
• 12:08
  Speaker 1: No they're not.
• 12:08
  Speaker 10: But for now, I need to figure out how to
• 12:10
  deal with certain shall we say, glitches involving the vessel's
• 12:15
  leadership hierarchy. Ah, mom bod, you're just in time, and
• 12:21
  I see you brought my little princess with you.
• 12:23
  Speaker 2: Hello, Aileen, that's.
• 12:25
  Speaker 12: Captain to you, although I will accept Captain Alien or
• 12:30
  her Greatness, the High and Mighty Alien, if you're not
• 12:34
  into the whole breavity thing.
• 12:35
  Speaker 13: I call her sweetie.
• 12:37
  Speaker 11: Momby calls me sweetie because it makes me feel nice.
• 12:40
  Speaker 12: She also kisses my booboos, but she doesn't kiss anyone
• 12:43
  else's bobos mine, only.
• 12:46
  Speaker 10: Oh seizing valuable resources just like her. Old man, you're
• 12:50
  well on your way to becoming captain.
• 12:52
  Speaker 11: I am captain.
• 12:54
  Speaker 10: That's the spirit. What are you even doing in here
• 12:58
  destroying some sparring droids? It's quite therapeutic. Actually you should
• 13:02
  try it.
• 13:03
  Speaker 11: I told you to fix the batteries.
• 13:05
  Speaker 10: Oh, I thought you said to commit some battery honest mistake.
• 13:10
  It's just so hard to understand you sometimes with that
• 13:12
  mask on your face. You do know you can take
• 13:15
  it off anytime you want.
• 13:16
  Speaker 12: Right, Actually, no, I grow up on a dirty junk planet,
• 13:20
  and my lungs have grown accustomed to a certain level
• 13:23
  of pollution.
• 13:24
  Speaker 11: Without it, I might get sick.
• 13:26
  Speaker 10: Easy fix computer, Start a fire in the garbage room
• 13:30
  and open the vents to the main deck that ought
• 13:32
  to fill the halls with the smell of acrid rubber.
• 13:35
  And while you're at it, jettison the recyclables into the
• 13:37
  vacuum of space just because.
• 13:40
  Speaker 3: Alert you do not have access to the captain's command props.
• 13:44
  Speaker 10: What we still haven't gotten this resolved? This confusion over
• 13:48
  who is and isn't the captain. It's driving the crew crazy.
• 13:52
  We need to hammer this down once and for all.
• 13:54
  Perhaps a department head meeting is in order.
• 13:57
  Speaker 11: I called a meeting on the bridge fifteen spacemen minutes ago.
• 14:01
  You never showed up. That's why we're here now.
• 14:04
  Speaker 14: Hey, guys, sorry, I'm late. I just got the memo
• 14:07
  that we moved the meeting location. Did I miss anything?
• 14:09
  Speaker 9: What?
• 14:10
  Speaker 2: Wait?
• 14:11
  Speaker 11: Who's he?
• 14:12
  Speaker 10: Isn't that the prisoner?
• 14:14
  Speaker 3: I thought that guy was dead.
• 14:17
  Speaker 14: No, not dead, just stabbed in the neck joint of
• 14:19
  my armor. I almost died, but then at the last
• 14:22
  second I got better. By the way, what's the point
• 14:25
  of space armor if you can't protect the knives?
• 14:27
  Speaker 1: I mean, I'll know the answer.
• 14:29
  Speaker 14: The company that makes the armor has been lobbying the
• 14:31
  Galactic Empire for decades.
• 14:33
  Speaker 10: What is this grunt doing out of his cage?
• 14:36
  Speaker 3: Mom?
• 14:36
  Speaker 10: But would you please jettison him into the vacuum of space?
• 14:40
  Speaker 15: What?
• 14:41
  Speaker 16: Ah?
• 14:42
  Speaker 15: Believe me?
• 14:42
  Speaker 13: I would absolutely love to, but I'm afraid that's not
• 14:45
  your call.
• 14:46
  Speaker 11: We need someone to help us get the engine back online.
• 14:48
  Speaker 12: He has mechanical expertise, and we can always jettison into
• 14:52
  the vacuum of space later. Besides, he actually shows up
• 14:56
  when I schedule a meeting.
• 14:57
  Speaker 10: Well, excuse me for having better things to do with
• 15:00
  my time. Then sit around squabbling philosophy when my abilities
• 15:04
  can be better utilized elsewhere. This whole meeting could have
• 15:07
  been an email.
• 15:09
  Speaker 11: You wouldn't have read the email.
• 15:11
  Speaker 1: Guys, I just want to say I am loving the
• 15:14
  energy here.
• 15:15
  Speaker 17: This is great.
• 15:15
  Speaker 10: Keep going fine, prisoner, Sweep up these sparring droids and
• 15:20
  make me a grande latte with extra espresso. Make your
• 15:24
  own grande latte with extra espresso.
• 15:27
  Speaker 3: Both of you, make your own grande latte with extra
• 15:30
  espressha who alert and coming to brisfield detected? Prepare for
• 15:36
  a mildly unpleasant space quait and or immediate depth depending
• 15:41
  on these sides.
• 15:42
  Speaker 10: How am I supposed to work with all these distractions?
• 15:45
  Speaker 11: Computer divert all excess power to the shields.
• 15:48
  Speaker 3: Sure, yeah, all that excess power I have laying around
• 15:52
  that we're not using. Let me get right on it.
• 15:55
  Speaker 13: If we're about to be destroyed. I just want to say,
• 15:57
  it's been mediocre knowing you all, except for you, Sweetep,
• 16:00
  I love you.
• 16:02
  Speaker 1: If I might make a suggestion.
• 16:03
  Speaker 10: Oh my god, what is it now, prisoner?
• 16:07
  Speaker 14: Maybe I can look at the shield generator. I could
• 16:10
  probably get it running on auxiliary power. Though we don't
• 16:12
  necessarily have to die every time we run into a
• 16:15
  debris field.
• 16:17
  Speaker 10: Sure, just as soon as you finish cleaning up these droids, Nikolay,
• 16:21
  fine whatever, do what she says.
• 16:24
  Speaker 11: Thank you, Prisoner, I have a name, you know. Don't
• 16:28
  care follow me to the shield generator. This is strange.
• 16:37
  Speaker 10: What's that? Dear Eleen just told me her weakness clean air.
• 16:41
  I should be seizing on this opportunity, but for some
• 16:44
  reason I don't want to.
• 16:46
  Speaker 13: You seem to be developing a quantum of humanity. How interesting.
• 16:51
  Speaker 10: Don't get me wrong. It's a space day that ends,
• 16:53
  and why so I'm still scheming?
• 16:55
  Speaker 15: Computer.
• 16:55
  Speaker 10: Turn on my spy cameras in the shield room so
• 16:57
  I can listen in on Aleen's private conversation. I want
• 17:00
  to know if they're talking about me.
• 17:05
  Speaker 11: Okay, he is the shield generator. Just don't change into
• 17:09
  this settings Thunderclops will be furious if he gets back
• 17:12
  from the empire other ship and finds out you mess
• 17:14
  with this stuff.
• 17:16
  Speaker 14: What No, No, he's definitely not coming back. The Mothership
• 17:20
  is basically just a front for the Galactic Penal System,
• 17:23
  which is the largest for profit prison in the universe.
• 17:26
  The crewmates you sent away in my ship their Gonners.
• 17:29
  They'll be lucky if they die.
• 17:31
  Speaker 10: Oh oh, well, sounds like the others are doomed.
• 17:38
  Speaker 13: Well, if anyone can wriggle out of Dust's way at
• 17:40
  the last second, it's Guy.
• 17:47
  Speaker 9: Meanwhile, my.
• 17:52
  Speaker 2: Name is not Guy.
• 17:55
  Speaker 8: Sit up, buddy. You took a pretty nasty electrocution to
• 17:59
  the brain.
• 18:00
  Speaker 15: Yeah, there were sparks in everything. It was awesome.
• 18:06
  Speaker 2: Computer. You have to turn us around right now.
• 18:08
  Speaker 17: Why?
• 18:09
  Speaker 2: Because Aleen has no idea. What's really your board the
• 18:11
  starship mud Skipper. We need to stop her from turning
• 18:14
  the engines back on, or else she's gonna cause the
• 18:17
  end of the entire universe.
• 18:20
  Speaker 16: Whoa, whoa.
• 18:22
  Speaker 1: Season two is gonna be.
• 18:24
  Speaker 2: Awesome, Barry, Are you paying attention? This is important?
• 18:29
  Speaker 1: Sorry?
• 18:29
  Speaker 8: I was just using the Empire's Netflix account to watch
• 18:31
  the new trailer for the Great Universal bake Off Season
• 18:34
  two is coming out soon and it's gonna be off
• 18:36
  the chain. But yeah, I was listening, what are we
• 18:40
  talking about?
• 18:41
  Speaker 15: Guy here was saying that he's not guy and that
• 18:43
  somehow Aleen is going to destroy the entire universe.
• 18:48
  Speaker 2: Ah snap, dang, computer, turn us around.
• 18:51
  Speaker 17: I'm afraid I can't do that, Captain.
• 18:53
  Speaker 15: Oh, he said the thing?
• 18:55
  Speaker 17: Why not, We've already initiated return to base mode. My
• 18:59
  hands are tiede.
• 19:00
  Speaker 15: Don't worry, Guy or whatever your name is. We've been
• 19:03
  through worse situations together and always mostly made it out alive.
• 19:08
  Speaker 8: Yeah, Thunders, right on. We needed is for you to
• 19:11
  use that big old, delicious brain of ears to come
• 19:13
  up with a plan.
• 19:14
  Speaker 2: Okay, you're right, I just need some time to think. Computer.
• 19:19
  How long before this vessel reaches the Empire mothership?
• 19:22
  Speaker 9: Ten?
• 19:24
  Speaker 16: Ten?
• 19:24
  Speaker 2: What?
• 19:26
  Speaker 17: Nine?
• 19:27
  Speaker 16: What?
• 19:28
  Speaker 1: Say what you will about the Empire?
• 19:29
  Speaker 2: But they are efficient, Thundercla, can you disable the autopilot function?
• 19:33
  Speaker 15: Yeah? Probably. All I gotta do is find the automationship
• 19:37
  and disconnect it.
• 19:38
  Speaker 2: Okay, great, So are you looking for what?
• 19:41
  Speaker 15: Oh? I thought you were asking if I could. I
• 19:44
  didn't realize it was in.
• 19:46
  Speaker 2: Order, not so much an order as a polite suggestion.
• 19:48
  Speaker 15: Oky, dokie, let's see here four I were an automation
• 19:53
  is it just.
• 19:53
  Speaker 2: Me what I be?
• 19:56
  Speaker 11: Do?
• 19:56
  Speaker 8: Youn't mind if I turn up the thermostep I would
• 19:58
  degree okay, found.
• 19:59
  Speaker 15: The ship now to disconnected with the extreme prejudice.
• 20:02
  Speaker 2: Hi, yeah, computer, whoa that was amazing.
• 20:10
  Speaker 8: We narrowly avoided crashing into the mothership by like a
• 20:12
  space inch.
• 20:13
  Speaker 17: I know how exhilarating. I have had this much fun
• 20:17
  since my nephew's bachelor party.
• 20:19
  Speaker 2: I can't decide which part of what you just said
• 20:22
  confuses me the most.
• 20:25
  Speaker 17: Incoming call from the mothership.
• 20:27
  Speaker 2: Out and put it on the big screen.
• 20:28
  Speaker 9: Hey what, gibs? Who are you?
• 20:31
  Speaker 18: What's with the flyby? And why are you in an
• 20:34
  Empire space pod? And why is the automation ship disabled?
• 20:39
  A new that is logged in on our Netflix account?
• 20:43
  Speaker 2: Those are all very good questions.
• 20:44
  Speaker 16: Thank you. I made them up myself, just now on the.
• 20:48
  Speaker 2: Fly well to answer your question, don't mind ust nothing
• 20:51
  to see here. This is just a standard empirical space
• 20:55
  pod maneuverability testing.
• 20:56
  Speaker 16: Huh, that's weird. We aren't scheduled for any empirical space
• 21:01
  pod maneuverability tests today. I think, just to be safe,
• 21:05
  we're gonna blow you up.
• 21:06
  Speaker 2: Computer if they some maneuvers.
• 21:07
  Speaker 18: No, no, don't do that.
• 21:08
  Speaker 16: It'll make you harder to blow up.
• 21:10
  Speaker 2: Full speed ahead.
• 21:17
  Speaker 1: What was that?
• 21:17
  Speaker 9: Yeah?
• 21:18
  Speaker 8: Oh, it looks like the gas tank is empty. Those
• 21:20
  maneuvers must have drained us.
• 21:22
  Speaker 1: The gas tank.
• 21:24
  Speaker 2: These pods operated on gasoline.
• 21:27
  Speaker 1: I have no words.
• 21:28
  Speaker 15: I'm just speechless, right, bro, the mothership is charging up.
• 21:37
  It's ooh wah ray. That's the most powerful laser gun
• 21:41
  on the entire ship.
• 21:43
  Speaker 2: Computer, how long do we have before the ooh wa
• 21:46
  ray is charged up?
• 21:48
  Speaker 9: Ten?
• 21:48
  Speaker 10: Ten?
• 21:49
  Speaker 1: What?
• 21:49
  Speaker 17: Nine?
• 21:50
  Speaker 2: Oh? Come on?
• 21:52
  Speaker 17: Eight?
• 21:52
  Speaker 8: You gotta appreciate the consistency.
• 21:55
  Speaker 17: Seven.
• 21:56
  Speaker 15: I don't gotta do anything.
• 21:57
  Speaker 17: Six.
• 21:58
  Speaker 2: Computer transmit the allowing message to the Moshi. This is
• 22:02
  doctor kazun Tite, chief engineer of the starship Lightning Bug.
• 22:05
  I demand a parley with your leader as a matter
• 22:07
  of ultimate life and death.
• 22:12
  Speaker 16: Ah, but we already charged the lasers. It be a
• 22:15
  shame to let it all go to waste. It's like
• 22:17
  holding in a sneeze.
• 22:19
  Speaker 17: You know.
• 22:20
  Speaker 2: I assume you have access to the complete historical database
• 22:22
  of planet Earth. Look me up, then tell me, what
• 22:26
  would be a bigger waste laser blue balls or missing
• 22:28
  out of the information inside my brain?
• 22:32
  Speaker 16: Doctor Kazoundite is over five thousand years old.
• 22:37
  Speaker 2: Scan my bios if you don't believe me, Damn?
• 22:40
  Speaker 15: Who is this guy?
• 22:43
  Speaker 9: Meanwhile on the mother ship?
• 22:46
  Speaker 16: Hey, does anyone know what parley means?
• 22:50
  Speaker 13: It's a laired dessert with yogurt and granola and berry's.
• 22:53
  Speaker 16: I think this guy says he wants to have some
• 22:55
  parlay with our leader.
• 22:57
  Speaker 13: Who is our leader anyway?
• 22:58
  Speaker 16: Wouldn't that be the mothership corporal? Or is he talking
• 23:01
  about the regional arch duke.
• 23:03
  Speaker 10: I thought we were an autonomous collective.
• 23:05
  Speaker 15: He probably means the shift manager.
• 23:07
  Speaker 13: Why don't you just pull them up to be safe?
• 23:08
  Speaker 16: I would, But according to the Space Wikipedia, this guy
• 23:11
  is a five thousand year old scientist on every single
• 23:14
  most wanted list I can find.
• 23:16
  Speaker 13: Really, what's his name?
• 23:18
  Speaker 9: His name is?
• 23:18
  Speaker 16: Hang on a second, did you say that you thought
• 23:20
  we were an autonomous collective?
• 23:22
  Speaker 10: That's what I thought.
• 23:23
  Speaker 16: We're an empire for crying out loud.
• 23:26
  Speaker 13: Wait, I thought we were a galactic federation. That's what's
• 23:29
  printed on all of our uniforms.
• 23:30
  Speaker 10: Maybe it's both like a shampoo and conditioner, or a
• 23:33
  penal colony and a discount meat farm.
• 23:36
  Speaker 16: Look, I don't want to get into politics. All I
• 23:38
  know is the Emperor is the one who signs the paychecks,
• 23:40
  so he can call us whatever he wants.
• 23:42
  Speaker 3: What paychecks?
• 23:43
  Speaker 10: You're getting paid to be here?
• 23:45
  Speaker 16: You mean you guys aren't.
• 23:48
  Speaker 13: I was born into servitude. I survived by sucking the
• 23:51
  marrow from discarded bones.
• 23:53
  Speaker 10: I was told the air I breathe is a reward
• 23:55
  for my hard work.
• 23:57
  Speaker 16: Well I got this jout through the temp agency. Well
• 24:02
  this is awkward.
• 24:04
  Speaker 17: Meanwhile, tractor being detected. We are being drawn into the
• 24:08
  mothership docking bay.
• 24:10
  Speaker 15: They're powering down the ularra. We are saved.
• 24:14
  Speaker 8: Good job guy, even though I guess this is pretty
• 24:18
  much right back where we started before you tried to help.
• 24:21
  Speaker 17: And now I have interior damage from where your rob
• 24:24
  demon friend punched a hole in my panels.
• 24:27
  Speaker 15: Sorry about that.
• 24:28
  Speaker 17: Don't be I lighted.
• 24:31
  Speaker 15: You think they're going to charge us with damaging empire property.
• 24:35
  Speaker 8: It's a moot point if they're just going to kill
• 24:37
  us anyway.
• 24:38
  Speaker 2: Trust me, there are way bigger things to worry about
• 24:40
  right now than death.
• 24:43
  Speaker 9: Mean wild on the other side, of the chargehead galaxy
• 24:50
  on a volcano planet called Empire.
• 24:53
  Speaker 4: One minyets, yes, what is thy bidding?
• 25:03
  Speaker 2: Master?
• 25:04
  Speaker 19: Close the window. I grow weary of the sounds of
• 25:08
  the damned, with their insistent teeth gnashing and mercy for.
• 25:12
  Speaker 7: Begging, you will be done at once.
• 25:16
  Speaker 19: That's better. Now I can focus on my puzzle in peace.
• 25:34
  Speaker 7: Mm hm, my Lord, forgive me for asking, But is
• 25:45
  everything okay?
• 25:46
  Speaker 19: I'm so bored right now? Do you have any idea
• 25:49
  what it's like to have conquered more worlds than most
• 25:52
  mortals have even dreamt of, to be revered as a god,
• 25:57
  to have everything you could ever want given to you
• 26:00
  out of fear of brutal retaliation. Don't answer that it
• 26:04
  was rhetorical.
• 26:06
  Speaker 7: Yes, of course, very good, sir.
• 26:08
  Speaker 19: I mean, when was the last time someone even attempted
• 26:11
  to assassinate me?
• 26:13
  Speaker 20: Nobody would care?
• 26:14
  Speaker 19: Exactly? Where's the danger? Where's the excitement? The fun? I
• 26:21
  wake up every morning to the lamentations of my enemies.
• 26:25
  I conquer galaxies before lunchtime, Army surrender at the mere
• 26:30
  mention of my name, and then by the time afternoon
• 26:34
  rolls around, I'm back here fiddling away with my puzzles.
• 26:39
  Sometimes it feels like I'm just going through the motions.
• 26:43
  Never mind, you couldn't possibly comprehend the burden of greatness.
• 26:47
  I feel every waking moment.
• 26:50
  Speaker 11: Your genius is not for us to understand.
• 26:52
  Speaker 19: My Lord, I'm gonna go smoke some SpaceX and listen
• 26:56
  to my music. If anyone tries to bother me.
• 27:01
  Speaker 11: Oh, yes, great one as you wish. My Lord, did
• 27:07
  you hear that bad? The Emperor is getting bad.
• 27:10
  Speaker 7: I've never seen him like this before.
• 27:12
  Speaker 11: This is even worse than that Taybe his brother died
• 27:15
  his hair blonde.
• 27:17
  Speaker 20: The Emperor was so jealous of how good his brother looked,
• 27:19
  and he ordered us to execute.
• 27:21
  Speaker 15: Him on the spot.
• 27:22
  Speaker 11: Yes, and then we had to brd the entire Solar system.
• 27:26
  Speaker 20: We'res brisday party.
• 27:27
  Speaker 11: Ever, we have to do something. Hey, lominters, lament harder,
• 27:34
  Come on, put your backs into it.
• 27:36
  Speaker 20: Oh gosh, I have an idea.
• 27:44
  Speaker 11: Isn't that dangerous?
• 27:46
  Speaker 20: These are dangerous times on our volcanic planet of the damned.
• 27:49
  Do you remember back on the star destroyer Boogie Woogie,
• 27:52
  when we had too many prisoners to execute it note
• 27:55
  enough bullets to execute them all?
• 27:56
  Speaker 11: Ah, Yes, we forced them to fight each other as
• 27:59
  the death and a laviator areta good times.
• 28:02
  Speaker 20: Well, the Emperor really enjoyed watching it, didn't he?
• 28:05
  Speaker 7: What if we do something like that again?
• 28:08
  Speaker 11: I love it? But where are we going to find
• 28:10
  a bunch of disposable prisoners lying around?
• 28:15
  Speaker 9: Meanwhile? On the Empire mothership?
• 28:30
  Speaker 16: Hello? This is the Empire Mothership?
• 28:34
  Speaker 1: Mmmmm mmm hm.
• 28:39
  Speaker 16: Oh okay, sure, no problem?
• 28:44
  Speaker 1: Okay, see zu.
• 28:47
  Speaker 18: Kirp.
• 28:48
  Speaker 13: What is it?
• 28:49
  Speaker 16: That was the Emperor's personal minion? He wants us to
• 28:51
  round up a bunch of the prisoners and put them
• 28:53
  in a gladiatorial death match for the Emperor's amusement. Oh,
• 28:56
  that sounds like fun, and they'll be here in one cycle,
• 29:01
  one cycle. Crap, Take the grunt troopers and gather all
• 29:05
  the available prisoners in Conference Room A for a head count.
• 29:09
  Speaker 10: Me, why do I have to do it? You're the
• 29:11
  one getting paid exactly?
• 29:13
  Speaker 16: Gathering all the prisoners is a dangerous job. I clearly
• 29:16
  have more to live for than you do.
• 29:18
  Speaker 13: Okay, fine, Should we save a couple of grunt troopers
• 29:21
  to arrest the crew aboard the damaged pod?
• 29:24
  Speaker 17: No?
• 29:24
  Speaker 16: I have a much better idea for the welcoming party.
• 29:27
  Speaker 9: Me me, me me me while me me me me
• 29:31
  me me me while me me me me me me
• 29:36
  me me me Meanwhile, aboard the damaged pod.
• 29:45
  Speaker 17: Landing successful, prepare to be boarded.
• 29:49
  Speaker 2: Okay, Remember, whatever happens, we've all got to stick together. Okay,
• 29:53
  got got it?
• 29:54
  Speaker 16: Uh?
• 29:55
  Speaker 2: Oh not you computer? You have to stay here?
• 29:58
  Speaker 17: Oh is like, yeah, I see whatever? Opening bay doors.
• 30:11
  Speaker 13: Casp Hello everybody, mombot, I see you're familiar with mother
• 30:15
  bought technologies.
• 30:16
  Speaker 15: How lovely.
• 30:17
  Speaker 13: This means you already know what horrible and violent things
• 30:20
  I am capable of, so I won't need to threaten
• 30:22
  you in order to obtain compliance.
• 30:23
  Speaker 2: I thought mombots were supposed to be maternal, not violent.
• 30:27
  Speaker 13: We can be both, like a shampoo that's also a conditioner,
• 30:30
  or a radio play that's also an allegory for late
• 30:33
  stage capitalism. Now, should I kill one of you to
• 30:35
  a certain dominance?
• 30:36
  Speaker 8: No, we're already adequately afraid of you.
• 30:38
  Speaker 13: Wonderful, Come with me so I can process you for
• 30:41
  your interrogations. But first you all look famished. Would any
• 30:45
  of you like a nice cup of tea?
• 30:47
  Speaker 9: Ooh? Be continued.
• 31:00
  Speaker 10: This has been Starship Ludscape Season two, Episode one, Starship
• 31:06
  of Theseus written by Jack Townsend, featuring the voices of
• 31:11
  Andrew Ferry, Matthew Morris, Ellen, Jacks, James Laneus, Roby Gilmore,
• 31:18
  Matt Stanley, Erica dur Lauren, George Jeffrey Quash, John Cassaro,
• 31:25
  Merk Dreer, and Jack Townsend, with special guests The Dark
• 31:30
  Psomnium and Mister Creepy Pasta. Stay tuned for season two
• 31:35
  episode two, Beyond Blunderdome written by Matthew Morris, coming soon.
• 31:41
  Thank you so much for listening. Until next time,