Latest / Amazing Life Breakthrough / Ep 31 | Social Media FOMO: Every Day Can Be Like a Birthday

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Ep 31 | Social Media FOMO: Every Day Can Be Like a Birthday · Amazing Life Breakthrough

• 0:06
  SPEAKER_00: Have you ever felt totally fine about a decision?
• 0:09
  SPEAKER_00: Right up until the moment you saw the pictures, like you were steady, you were clear, you were even proud of yourself for being responsible.
• 0:18
  SPEAKER_00: And then one scroll later, it hits you in the chest.
• 0:21
  SPEAKER_00: The laughter, the group photo, the cake, the moment you weren't in, and suddenly your mind starts rewriting history.
• 0:28
  SPEAKER_00: I should have gone.
• 0:29
  SPEAKER_00: I could have made it work.
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_00: What was I thinking?
• 0:32
  SPEAKER_00: If you've ever had that experience, you're not dramatic, you're not weak, you're just human.
• 0:39
  SPEAKER_00: Social media has a way of turning a normal, reasonable decision into a regret highlight reel.
• 0:46
  SPEAKER_00: And I want to slow down with you for a second because this is exactly where a lot of people get stuck, not in what they chose, but in what their mind does after the fact.
• 0:57
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to Amazing Life Breakthrough.
• 1:00
  SPEAKER_00: I'm Steve Klein, and in this episode, we are staying with a theme we touched on recently, FOMO, the fear of missing out.
• 1:06
  SPEAKER_00: But we're going to take it into a real life family story and a deeper, more freeing shift.
• 1:12
  SPEAKER_00: Because what I want you to walk away with today is this.
• 1:15
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes you really do miss something, and even then, you can be okay.
• 1:20
  SPEAKER_00: You can stay loving, you can stay connected, you can stay at peace.
• 1:25
  SPEAKER_00: And I also want to offer one simple idea that's been changing the way I think about all of this.
• 1:30
  SPEAKER_00: Every day can be like a birthday.
• 1:32
  SPEAKER_00: Not literally, no one needs cake every day, but the spirit of it, the meaning of it, the intentionality of it, the way a birthday reminds you, this person matters.
• 1:44
  SPEAKER_00: So let me take you into the story.
• 1:46
  SPEAKER_00: I have a dear uncle in Colorado, and his son, my cousin, someone I grew up knowing pretty well.
• 1:53
  SPEAKER_00: Their birthdays are one day apart, and this year it was one of those milestone years.
• 1:58
  SPEAKER_00: I won't give you exact ages, but you know what I mean.
• 2:01
  SPEAKER_00: Those years where you pause a little, where you realize time is moving, where you want to market, because life is worth noticing.
• 2:09
  SPEAKER_00: And the cool part about their birthdays being one day apart is that you can celebrate both of them together.
• 2:15
  SPEAKER_00: It becomes this special little pocket of family joy.
• 2:19
  SPEAKER_00: Now I've actually been to one of these celebrations before.
• 2:23
  SPEAKER_00: I live about 1,300 miles away, but I happened to be there once on a business trip and I swung by.
• 2:30
  SPEAKER_00: I showed up in person, hugged people, said happy birthday was present for the moment, and it mattered.
• 2:37
  SPEAKER_00: So this year I knew instinctively that something was being planned.
• 2:41
  SPEAKER_00: That's how my family works, a party forms.
• 2:44
  SPEAKER_00: It happens, and people show up.
• 2:46
  SPEAKER_00: But this year was different for me, and I knew I wasn't going to make it.
• 2:50
  SPEAKER_00: I had pressing business items, I had to handle, real responsibilities, the kind you can't neglect, especially right now.
• 2:57
  SPEAKER_00: And I knew that if I tried to force a trip, I'd be paying for it on the other side, not just financially, mentally, stress-wise, work-wise.
• 3:07
  SPEAKER_00: So I made the call, I made the decision, and now to be honest, they didn't invite me to the party.
• 3:12
  SPEAKER_00: Knowing I was so far away, they didn't want me to feel obligated to come.
• 3:17
  SPEAKER_00: But I also knew instinctively that if they knew I was even thinking about coming, they would have welcomed me, they would have encouraged me, they would have said, of course, come.
• 3:28
  SPEAKER_00: And I knew what would happen inside me if I opened that door.
• 3:31
  SPEAKER_00: I'd feel the pull, I'd feel the guilt, I'd feel like I was choosing between love and responsibility, even though that's not actually what it was, so I didn't contact them.
• 3:42
  SPEAKER_00: And I even talked to another cousin on the phone, encouraging them to go.
• 3:46
  SPEAKER_00: And while I was encouraging them, part of me was quietly wishing I could go too, but I stayed with my decision.
• 3:52
  SPEAKER_00: And here's what s surprised me about it.
• 3:55
  SPEAKER_00: When the event came and went, I didn't think anything of it, and I was fine.
• 4:00
  SPEAKER_00: Fine that is until until I saw the photos, that's when the regret showed up.
• 4:05
  SPEAKER_00: And it wasn't just a simple, oh, that looks fun.
• 4:08
  SPEAKER_00: It was deeper than that.
• 4:10
  SPEAKER_00: It was that sinking thought, did I miss something I won't ever get back?
• 4:15
  SPEAKER_00: And I want to pause right there because that's the exact moment this episode is for.
• 4:21
  SPEAKER_00: That question, Did I miss something I won't get back?
• 4:25
  SPEAKER_00: can trigger a whole spiral your mind starts making the moment bigger, heavier, more permanent than it actually is.
• 4:33
  SPEAKER_00: It starts saying things like, You should have prioritized this, you chose wrong.
• 4:38
  SPEAKER_00: You're going to regret this forever.
• 4:40
  SPEAKER_00: You're not a good family member.
• 4:43
  SPEAKER_00: You weren't there when it mattered.
• 4:45
  SPEAKER_00: And you can go from one photo to a whole courtroom trial in your head.
• 4:50
  SPEAKER_00: So I had to step back and tell myself the truth.
• 4:52
  SPEAKER_00: The truth is, I've seen my cousin plenty of years.
• 4:55
  SPEAKER_00: I visited my uncle plenty of times.
• 4:57
  SPEAKER_00: They both know how much I love and care for them.
• 5:00
  SPEAKER_00: There's no question about the relationship.
• 5:02
  SPEAKER_00: And also, this matters, my decision wasn't made out of indifference.
• 5:07
  SPEAKER_00: It was made out of responsibility.
• 5:10
  SPEAKER_00: In that moment, the only one suffering was me.
• 5:13
  SPEAKER_00: Because the story I was telling myself wasn't I missed a party.
• 5:17
  SPEAKER_00: The story was I missed being the kind of person I want to be.
• 5:21
  SPEAKER_00: And that's where the real work is.
• 5:23
  SPEAKER_00: What most people eventually discover is that regret isn't always about the event you missed.
• 5:28
  SPEAKER_00: It's often about the meaning you attach to it.
• 5:31
  SPEAKER_00: So let's talk about that meaning for a second.
• 5:34
  SPEAKER_00: Why do milestone moments hit us so hard?
• 5:37
  SPEAKER_00: Because they symbolize something bigger.
• 5:39
  SPEAKER_00: A milestone birthday isn't just a birthday.
• 5:42
  SPEAKER_00: It's a reminder that time is moving.
• 5:44
  SPEAKER_00: It's a reminder that people won't always be here.
• 5:47
  SPEAKER_00: It's a reminder that childhood is gone, seasons change, and someday is not guaranteed.
• 5:54
  SPEAKER_00: So when you see the photos, you are not just seeing cake, you are seeing time.
• 5:58
  SPEAKER_00: The time between the visits.
• 6:00
  SPEAKER_00: And when you see time, you start doing mental math.
• 6:03
  SPEAKER_00: Am I showing up enough?
• 6:05
  SPEAKER_00: Am I missing too much?
• 6:07
  SPEAKER_00: Am I present?
• 6:09
  SPEAKER_00: Am I choosing what matters?
• 6:11
  SPEAKER_00: That's why it stings.
• 6:12
  SPEAKER_00: And listen, some of that sting can be good.
• 6:15
  SPEAKER_00: It can wake you up.
• 6:16
  SPEAKER_00: It can remind you to love well.
• 6:18
  SPEAKER_00: It can push you toward being more intentional.
• 6:20
  SPEAKER_00: But the problem is when the sting turns into punishment, it can be counterproductive.
• 6:25
  SPEAKER_00: Because punishment doesn't make you more loving, it makes you more anxious.
• 6:29
  SPEAKER_00: So, so here's what quietly changes everything.
• 6:32
  SPEAKER_00: You can honor the feeling without obeying the guilt.
• 6:35
  SPEAKER_00: You can say, Yeah, I wish I was there.
• 6:37
  SPEAKER_00: And also say, I made the best decision I could with the information and responsibilities I had.
• 6:43
  SPEAKER_00: Both can be true.
• 6:44
  SPEAKER_00: And when both are true, you don't have to spiral.
• 6:47
  SPEAKER_00: Now let's connect this to what we talked about earlier in our FOMO conversation.
• 6:51
  SPEAKER_00: FOMO is that fear that if you're not there, you're missing out on something important, something you can't replace.
• 6:59
  SPEAKER_00: And a lot of the time, FOMO is lying.
• 7:02
  SPEAKER_00: A lot of the time, you didn't miss out on anything life-changing.
• 7:05
  SPEAKER_00: You missed a moment, and you'll have other moments.
• 7:08
  SPEAKER_00: But sometimes you really do miss something meaningful.
• 7:11
  SPEAKER_00: And the goal isn't to pretend it didn't matter.
• 7:14
  SPEAKER_00: The goal is to respond in a healthy way, to take the regret and turn it into love instead of turning it into shame.
• 7:21
  SPEAKER_00: Because shame says, beat yourself up.
• 7:24
  SPEAKER_00: Love says, learn from this and show up differently next time.
• 7:28
  SPEAKER_00: So what does healthy response look like when you see the photos and feel that hit?
• 7:33
  SPEAKER_00: First, it looks like separating two things, the reality of what you missed.
• 7:38
  SPEAKER_00: The story you're telling yourself about what it means.
• 7:41
  SPEAKER_00: The reality might be I missed a family party.
• 7:44
  SPEAKER_00: The story might be I'm a bad family member.
• 7:47
  SPEAKER_00: Those are not the same.
• 7:49
  SPEAKER_00: The reality might be I wasn't physically there.
• 7:52
  SPEAKER_00: The story might be, I don't care.
• 7:55
  SPEAKER_00: But that's not true.
• 7:57
  SPEAKER_00: The reality might be I chose work responsibilities.
• 8:00
  SPEAKER_00: The story might be I always choose wrong.
• 8:03
  SPEAKER_00: Also not true.
• 8:05
  SPEAKER_00: So instead of letting the story run wild, you bring it back to reality and you remind yourself, love is not measured only by presence at one event.
• 8:13
  SPEAKER_00: Love is measured by patterns, by consistency over time, by care, by connection, by showing up in the ways you can.
• 8:21
  SPEAKER_00: Now I want to say this carefully because I don't want this to become a permission slip for isolation.
• 8:27
  SPEAKER_00: If you're constantly missing everything and telling yourself, it's fine, maybe it's not fine, maybe you actually do want to recalibrate.
• 8:34
  SPEAKER_00: But recalibration is different than self-attack.
• 8:37
  SPEAKER_00: Recalibration is, okay, that mattered.
• 8:40
  SPEAKER_00: I want to align my life better.
• 8:42
  SPEAKER_00: Self-attack is, I'm terrible.
• 8:45
  SPEAKER_00: One leads to growth, the other leads to anxiety.
• 8:49
  SPEAKER_00: So here's where the breakthrough lives for today.
• 8:51
  SPEAKER_00: Turning birthdays into a mindset, not just an event.
• 8:55
  SPEAKER_00: Because what is a birthday really?
• 8:57
  SPEAKER_00: It's a day where we pause and say, you matter.
• 9:00
  SPEAKER_00: It's a day where we celebrate someone's existence.
• 9:02
  SPEAKER_00: It's a day where we choose attention, connection, and appreciation on purpose.
• 9:08
  SPEAKER_00: And here's the thought that's been landing with me.
• 9:11
  SPEAKER_00: What if we didn't wait for special days to do that?
• 9:13
  SPEAKER_00: What if we didn't rely on milestone moments to be intentional?
• 9:17
  SPEAKER_00: What if we lived in a way where ordinary days carried some of that same spirit?
• 9:22
  SPEAKER_00: Every day can be like a birthday, not with balloons, but with intention.
• 9:26
  SPEAKER_00: And when you live that way, FOMO starts to lose power.
• 9:30
  SPEAKER_00: Because you're no longer living on an emotional diet of big moments or nothing.
• 9:35
  SPEAKER_00: You're building a life where love is practiced regularly.
• 9:39
  SPEAKER_00: So let's make this practical.
• 9:41
  SPEAKER_00: What does it look like to treat ordinary days like a birthday?
• 9:44
  SPEAKER_00: It looks like sending the text you don't have to send.
• 9:47
  SPEAKER_00: It looks like making the call you've been postponing.
• 9:49
  SPEAKER_00: It looks like leaving the voice message that says, I was thinking about you, I love you, I'm grateful for you.
• 9:56
  SPEAKER_00: It looks like being the person who celebrates people while they're alive and reachable, not only when a calendar tells you to.
• 10:35
  SPEAKER_00: Next time I'm in Colorado, I want to take you to lunch or spend time together.
• 10:41
  SPEAKER_00: That's not a dramatic fix, but it's a real move that you can take.
• 10:45
  SPEAKER_00: And real moves are what build a breakthrough life.
• 10:48
  SPEAKER_00: Here's another angle that helped me.
• 10:51
  SPEAKER_00: Timing.
• 10:52
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes we judge past decisions with information we didn't have at the time.
• 10:57
  SPEAKER_00: We look back and go, I should have known.
• 10:59
  SPEAKER_00: But you didn't know.
• 11:01
  SPEAKER_00: You made a call based on what was true then, what you could handle, what you needed to prioritize.
• 11:06
  SPEAKER_00: Then you know what?
• 11:07
  SPEAKER_00: That matters.
• 11:08
  SPEAKER_00: Because a lot of mature decisions are not about choosing good versus bad.
• 11:12
  SPEAKER_00: They're about choosing good versus good.
• 11:14
  SPEAKER_00: Work responsibilities can be good.
• 11:16
  SPEAKER_00: Family moments can be good.
• 11:18
  SPEAKER_00: And you can't always do both at full intensity all the time.
• 11:22
  SPEAKER_00: So if you're listening and you've been beating yourself up for missing something, let me say this clearly.
• 11:28
  SPEAKER_00: You're allowed to trust the decision you made at the time.
• 11:32
  SPEAKER_00: And you're also allowed to take the feeling you have now and let it shape a future decision you may have.
• 11:37
  SPEAKER_00: And that is wisdom.
• 11:39
  SPEAKER_00: That's how you grow without living in shame.
• 11:42
  SPEAKER_00: Now I want to offer one more gentle reframe, especially for those milestone moments.
• 11:47
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes we think the only meaningful way to love someone is to be present on the big day.
• 11:52
  SPEAKER_00: But the deeper truth underneath this is presence is powerful.
• 11:57
  SPEAKER_00: And so is pursuit.
• 12:00
  SPEAKER_00: Pursuit is reaching out, pursuit is initiating, pursuit is choosing the relationship even when it's not convenient.
• 12:06
  SPEAKER_00: Pursuit is, I wasn't there, but I'm here now.
• 12:09
  SPEAKER_00: And I think for a lot of people, this becomes the real test of love, not did you make it to the party?
• 12:15
  SPEAKER_00: But yes, do you stay connected?
• 12:17
  SPEAKER_00: Do you keep the relationship warm?
• 12:19
  SPEAKER_00: You show people they matter in ordinary time because ordinary time is most of life.
• 12:25
  SPEAKER_00: Now let's turn this outward because I don't want this episode to just be about my family story.
• 12:30
  SPEAKER_00: I want to ask you, where is FOMO showing up in your life right now, at this moment in time?
• 12:37
  SPEAKER_00: Is it family events?
• 12:38
  SPEAKER_00: Is it social gatherings?
• 12:39
  SPEAKER_00: Is it opportunities?
• 12:41
  SPEAKER_00: Is it trips?
• 12:42
  SPEAKER_00: Is it something you see online that makes you feel behind?
• 12:45
  SPEAKER_00: And when it shows up, what does it do to you?
• 12:48
  SPEAKER_00: Does it make you second guess everything?
• 12:50
  SPEAKER_00: Does it make you restless?
• 12:51
  SPEAKER_00: Does it make you resent your responsibilities?
• 12:53
  SPEAKER_00: Does it make you feel like you're always choosing wrong?
• 12:56
  SPEAKER_00: If so, I want to give you something simple to do in the moment you see the photos, the moment regret starts rising.
• 13:03
  SPEAKER_00: Try this.
• 13:04
  SPEAKER_00: Instead of asking, did I miss out?
• 13:07
  SPEAKER_00: Ask, how can I love from here?
• 13:10
  SPEAKER_00: That question is a game changer because the first question traps you in the past.
• 13:15
  SPEAKER_00: The second question puts you back in agency.
• 13:17
  SPEAKER_00: How can I love from here?
• 13:20
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe that means sending a message, maybe that means planning a visit, maybe that means creating a small moment with someone in your life today, maybe that means letting go of the fantasy that you can be everywhere at once.
• 13:32
  SPEAKER_00: And that last one matters.
• 13:34
  SPEAKER_00: Because some of us are carrying an impossible expectation to be present for everything, for everyone, all the time, while also running our lives.
• 13:44
  SPEAKER_00: That expectation will burn you out.
• 13:46
  SPEAKER_00: So instead, what if you adopted a healthier goal?
• 13:49
  SPEAKER_00: Not never miss anything, but but live intentionally where you are.
• 13:54
  SPEAKER_00: That's the heart of every day can be like a birthday.
• 13:57
  SPEAKER_00: You don't need a big event to be meaningful.
• 13:59
  SPEAKER_00: You need attention, you need appreciation, you need one small act of love.
• 14:04
  SPEAKER_00: Now let's land this with a simple listener challenge.
• 14:07
  SPEAKER_00: Something that makes this episode real, not just thoughtful.
• 14:11
  SPEAKER_00: Before the day ends, create one birthday moment for someone.
• 14:15
  SPEAKER_00: Not literally singing, not buying gifts, just the spirit of it.
• 14:19
  SPEAKER_00: Pick one person and do one small act that says you matter.
• 14:23
  SPEAKER_00: Here are a few options.
• 14:25
  SPEAKER_00: Send a text that's more than hey, try.
• 14:29
  SPEAKER_00: I was thinking about you today, and I'm grateful for you.
• 14:33
  SPEAKER_00: Leave a voice message.
• 14:34
  SPEAKER_00: Voice messages carry warmth that texts don't.
• 14:37
  SPEAKER_00: Write a short note in your phone you can send later, even if now isn't the right moment.
• 14:42
  SPEAKER_00: If they're local, make a plan.
• 14:45
  SPEAKER_00: Can we grab coffee sometime soon?
• 14:47
  SPEAKER_00: I'd love to catch up.
• 14:48
  SPEAKER_00: Or do something even simpler.
• 14:50
  SPEAKER_00: If you live with someone, put your phone down for ten minutes and give them your full attention.
• 14:55
  SPEAKER_00: That is a birthday level gift in today's world.
• 14:59
  SPEAKER_00: And if you're the one who missed something, if you're feeling that regret, this is also your move.
• 15:04
  SPEAKER_00: Reach out to the person you missed.
• 15:06
  SPEAKER_00: Don't lead with guilt, lead with love.
• 15:09
  SPEAKER_00: You can say, I saw the pictures and it looked like such a great celebration.
• 15:14
  SPEAKER_00: I love you.
• 15:15
  SPEAKER_00: I'm grateful for you.
• 15:16
  SPEAKER_00: I'm sorry I missed it.
• 15:17
  SPEAKER_00: I want to see you next time I'm in town.
• 15:20
  SPEAKER_00: That kind of message doesn't drain the relationship.
• 15:23
  SPEAKER_00: It strengthens it.
• 15:25
  SPEAKER_00: Because it communicates what's true.
• 15:27
  SPEAKER_00: You care.
• 15:28
  SPEAKER_00: And that brings me to the last thing I want to leave you with.
• 15:32
  SPEAKER_00: FOMO tells you you're missing your life.
• 15:35
  SPEAKER_00: But intentional living says my life is here, and I'm going to love well from here.
• 15:40
  SPEAKER_00: That's the shift.
• 15:41
  SPEAKER_00: Not chasing every moment, not spiraling when you miss one, but staying aligned with your values, responsibility, and love both, and then choosing connection in the days that follow.
• 15:52
  SPEAKER_00: So yes, sometimes you miss something, and yes, sometimes it stings, but you don't have to punish yourself.
• 15:58
  SPEAKER_00: You can let it remind you what you care about, and then you can act on that care in an ordinary moment that becomes extraordinary because you showed up.
• 16:07
  SPEAKER_00: Did you find value out of this podcast?
• 16:10
  SPEAKER_00: If so, would you consider helping us out financially?
• 16:13
  SPEAKER_00: Head over to our Patreon account at patreon.comslash Steve Klein.
• 16:18
  SPEAKER_00: Also, if this message helped, follow or subscribe and share it with someone who struggles with regret after missing moments.
• 16:25
  SPEAKER_00: And today, create one birthday moment for someone.
• 16:29
  SPEAKER_00: Love from where you are.
• 16:31
  SPEAKER_00: I'll talk to you next time and remember to live life to the fullest.