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Half Your Staff Doesn't Remember That Tuesday · The Healthy Church Staff Podcast

• 0:07
  SPEAKER_00: Today is the 25th anniversary of 9-11.
• 0:12
  SPEAKER_00: And I don't know about you, but I know, and I remember exactly where I was sitting right here at this computer when I found out about 9-11.
• 0:23
  SPEAKER_00: It was a different computer, but right here in this room in this same seat.
• 0:28
  SPEAKER_00: It was a different seat.
• 0:29
  SPEAKER_00: You know exactly what I mean.
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_00: You know exactly what happened, where you were, all the circumstances around.
• 0:35
  SPEAKER_00: It's probably melded right into your memory from 25 years ago.
• 0:40
  SPEAKER_00: And maybe you're planning this weekend to mention that.
• 0:45
  SPEAKER_00: I think that's a good thing.
• 0:46
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you've got a video package, maybe a moment of silence, or what I just did, the remember where all of us were, talk.
• 0:55
  SPEAKER_00: And that's really good.
• 0:56
  SPEAKER_00: But one thing that I think that's really important is that this Sunday, if you say anything about 9-11, half the room's gonna remember it vividly, and the other half might not, because the the other half of the room was maybe either in diapers or maybe not even born yet.
• 1:17
  SPEAKER_00: And this goes for your staff as well.
• 1:20
  SPEAKER_00: You may just be asking them to lead with a memory that they don't have, and that's what we're talking about today on the Healthy Church Staff Podcast on this very, very special day of remembrance.
• 1:32
  SPEAKER_00: This isn't anything about patriotism, this is about leading a mixed memory staff without faking grief or forgetting the ones who still carry it.
• 1:42
  SPEAKER_00: So if you have a sizable staff, you probably have two different rooms and one staff meet.
• 1:48
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, two different group sets of people.
• 1:50
  SPEAKER_00: 25 years later, your team is probably split.
• 1:54
  SPEAKER_00: Some were probably in middle school or college, maybe a first job, and they remember the room going silent.
• 2:00
  SPEAKER_00: Others know that that Tuesday from textbook and footage and YouTube videos, not from living it because they were either too young or they just weren't even born yet.
• 2:11
  SPEAKER_00: So, same church, same people, same staff meeting, but yet two different relationships to the anniversary.
• 2:20
  SPEAKER_00: Good leaders will still build that template, they'll still figure out exactly what to say and how to say it.
• 2:28
  SPEAKER_00: But this, these kind of days are really hard, especially with different generations.
• 2:32
  SPEAKER_00: You want you set out with the right motive, right?
• 2:35
  SPEAKER_00: You wanted to honor the day.
• 2:36
  SPEAKER_00: You weren't trying to stage or remember any trauma.
• 2:40
  SPEAKER_00: You just wanted a little bit of reverence, right?
• 2:42
  SPEAKER_00: You wanted the church to mark 25 years with dignity.
• 2:46
  SPEAKER_00: Um keep that motive, but lose the assumption that shared language equals shared memory.
• 2:52
  SPEAKER_00: Honor is not a video package that asks half of your team to invent a lived past.
• 2:58
  SPEAKER_00: Honor is telling the truth about who remembers and who is learning to remember really well.
• 3:04
  SPEAKER_00: So here, I'm not asking you to skip the anniversary, I'm not asking you to make more of it on this weekend, but I know many churches are going to at least mention 9-11.
• 3:14
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not saying younger staff don't care.
• 3:16
  SPEAKER_00: They absolutely do care.
• 3:17
  SPEAKER_00: They just don't understand the way that it didn't hit them the way that it hit us that actually lived through it.
• 3:23
  SPEAKER_00: We're gonna have the same exact thing with COVID in about 20 years, believe me.
• 3:28
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm saying that you lead this weekend like a shepherd, but a shepherd with mixed memory staff and a mixed memory congregation, not like a nostalgia producer.
• 3:39
  SPEAKER_00: Nostalgia producers assume one room, one story, one script.
• 3:43
  SPEAKER_00: Shepherds ask who is in the room and what each person needs before Sunday asks something of them.
• 3:50
  SPEAKER_00: And the ones who still carry it need care before just lip service from a stage.
• 3:57
  SPEAKER_00: The ones who only know history need permission to lead with respect without pretending that they stood in that silence.
• 4:04
  SPEAKER_00: Make it practical before the weekend hits.
• 4:07
  SPEAKER_00: Here's a couple of questions that I think could help.
• 4:10
  SPEAKER_00: This is not a template, but a couple of questions.
• 4:14
  SPEAKER_00: This week I know it's Friday, but before Sunday, before the anniversary weekend, get your staff in a real room.
• 4:23
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you can do this, maybe even in an email, but I'd prefer a real room if you could.
• 4:28
  SPEAKER_00: Ask two questions out loud.
• 4:30
  SPEAKER_00: Who among us lived that day as an adult or a teen, and what do you need from us this week?
• 4:38
  SPEAKER_00: Who among us knows it is history, and how do we lead without faking a memory that we don't have?
• 4:45
  SPEAKER_00: And then plan the weekend from those answers.
• 4:48
  SPEAKER_00: It could be that moment of silence stays and the we all remember line just leaves.
• 4:53
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe a staffer who lived it wants to speak or wants to sit in the back.
• 4:58
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe younger staff frame the day for kids who have no category at all for this event.
• 5:04
  SPEAKER_00: Same reverence, different honesty.
• 5:08
  SPEAKER_00: And here's the cultural punch.
• 5:10
  SPEAKER_00: The culture you are building when anniversary Sundays like this assume shared memory, the staff is going to learn some things.
• 5:17
  SPEAKER_00: They're going to learn that, hey, my grief is content, my lack of memory is a problem, and then I need to hide.
• 5:22
  SPEAKER_00: Performance beats truth.
• 5:24
  SPEAKER_00: And that's not pastoral leadership, that's production just with some remembrance talk and speak around it.
• 5:32
  SPEAKER_00: Here's it.
• 5:33
  SPEAKER_00: What I want you to remember, churches that love their people mark hard anniversaries with clarity, and they care for the ones that carry it, and they are honest for the ones who don't.
• 5:44
  SPEAKER_00: And make a a weekend plan that doesn't make anybody fake what they never lived.
• 5:50
  SPEAKER_00: Here's the bottom line for today.
• 5:52
  SPEAKER_00: Lead the 25th anniversary like a shepherd of a mixed memory staff, not like a nostalgia producer who assumes everybody remembers that Tuesday in the same way.
• 6:05
  SPEAKER_00: It's a heavy day for those that lived it, and for my kids who t were alive, but they don't remember it in the same way that we do.
• 6:15
  SPEAKER_00: They all carry a different perspective than what I or my wife does or other members of my generation.
• 6:23
  SPEAKER_00: Somebody has to mark the day with care.
• 6:25
  SPEAKER_00: And you're not a bad leader for wanting a reverent Sunday, but you need to be a better leader than when half of your team isn't performing a memory that they don't have, and the other half isn't a clip for the video package.
• 6:39
  SPEAKER_00: That's really kind of the balance.
• 6:41
  SPEAKER_00: I just wanted to put that out in front of you today as you think about what you're going to do, what you're going to say, if you're going to do or say anything, just remember that those people in the room are going to approach 9-11 from very different views.
• 6:53
  SPEAKER_00: Not politically at all.
• 6:55
  SPEAKER_00: I'm just saying from a generational standpoint, what they remember or what they don't remember, and how that hits them personally.
• 7:02
  SPEAKER_00: It's a very emotional day for a lot of people in this country.
• 7:06
  SPEAKER_00: So I hope that you will have a great weekend and that God will guide you as you talk about this if you do during your services.
• 7:13
  SPEAKER_00: All right, that's it for today.
• 7:14
  SPEAKER_00: We'll be back here on Monday for the Healthy Church Day.