Latest / Uncluttered and Unfiltered: The Podcast For Women Over 50 / WOMEN OVER 50 ON THE MEL ROBBINS "LET THEM" THEORY AND BOOK

Transcript

WOMEN OVER 50 ON THE MEL ROBBINS "LET THEM" THEORY AND BOOK · Uncluttered and Unfiltered: The Podcast For Women Over 50

• 1:03
  Welcome to Uncluttered and Unfiltered, the podcast urging
• 1:07
  you to let it go and don't look back, with nationally acclaimed
• 1:11
  professional organizer Christine Stone and self-proclaimed Hot
• 1:16
  Damn Mess radio and TV personality Eden Kendall.
• 1:20
  Welcome everybody to Uncluttered and Unfiltered, the podcast for
• 1:23
  women over 50. My name is Eden Kendall.
• 1:25
  Christine Stone is a professional organizer, so any
• 1:29
  organizing tips you take away from this will certainly only be
• 1:32
  from her and not me. But be careful, you might just
• 1:36
  learn something. How are you good?
• 1:37
  How are you after the race? Oh well, How?
• 1:40
  Am I? I just sat there and like,
• 1:42
  clapped and you know. We we have a very, very big
• 1:46
  weekend event here in North Florida called the Donna
• 1:50
  Marathon weekend. And our mayor, coincidentally,
• 1:53
  she's now our mayor, but she used to be a news anchor.
• 1:56
  Found Donna Deegan, who has had three bouts with breast cancer,
• 2:01
  has this gigantic marathon weekend to finish breast cancer.
• 2:06
  It's called the marathon to finish breast cancer.
• 2:08
  I ran the half marathon and it goes right by your house.
• 2:10
  Yes, which is so fun. Isn't that funny?
• 2:13
  Yeah. I love that I get a chance to
• 2:14
  see you. But it was fun.
• 2:15
  But what what happened the next day was this always happens on a
• 2:19
  Sunday. So I ran this half marathon.
• 2:22
  A lot of people ran the full marathon.
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  A lot of people was for the first time I try to go every
• 2:27
  year. We had photos here at the TV
• 2:30
  station and that was on Monday and I only had one pair of shoes
• 2:35
  to match my dress and these are full length photos.
• 2:38
  I couldn't get them on my feet. See I have these really high
• 2:41
  heeled shoes, could not get them on my feet the next day after
• 2:44
  the race. But I had no choice.
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  I had to cram them in and walk around in these shoes because
• 2:49
  they were what I had chosen ready for the photos.
• 2:51
  But you know, first world problems as they.
• 2:54
  Well, I laughed so hard that I'm sitting there just clapping
• 2:58
  away, telling my husband I can't see far away.
• 3:00
  I can only see close up, find her and let me know so I can
• 3:04
  videotape it. And he kept saying the whole
• 3:06
  time, that's her. No, it's not, that's her.
• 3:09
  No, it's not. I'm like, I'm not going to take
• 3:11
  you seriously in a minute. I'm going to miss it.
• 3:14
  So that that's what happens. As you're older, you have to say
• 3:17
  which one do you want to see better up close or far away you
• 3:20
  have. To make these choices.
• 3:21
  You have to make these hard choices.
• 3:23
  I saw YouTube before you saw right, so I was able to run and
• 3:25
  get right in your faces and I loved it and I loved having that
• 3:28
  video afterwards. Oh my God, it was very.
• 3:30
  Rarely do I ever get to see. I always want to see.
• 3:32
  Do I look like I'm dying? Do I look like I'm having fun?
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  And I Oh, no, you look like you were having fun.
• 3:37
  I look like I was dying just watching people running.
• 3:40
  I'm like, that looks painful. Like I would have commentaries
• 3:44
  of like, God, that maybe I should go give them something.
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  You know what I mean? Some people look like they are
• 3:50
  in pain, yes. I mean, and that that's very
• 3:53
  often is me too, but not in this case.
• 3:55
  Not in this case. So today's episode is about a
• 3:58
  book that is sweeping the nation.
• 4:00
  It's by Mel Robbins, who we. Love, I love Mel.
• 4:04
  And she has written a book along with her daughter Sawyer called
• 4:08
  the Let Them Theory. And this was after making some
• 4:13
  videos from her podcast where she was talking about the Let
• 4:17
  Them theory. And it went so viral that she
• 4:20
  thought, I need to make this into an entire book.
• 4:22
  Yes, there was some backlash as to whether or not did she really
• 4:25
  create the Let Them theory. I don't know that she ever
• 4:28
  really said she created it. But whether she did or she
• 4:30
  didn't, she's the one who wrote a book.
• 4:33
  So that's what we're talking about today.
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  And I think when you get as big as she is, you're going to have
• 4:40
  backlash because people want to, you know, poo poo all over
• 4:43
  whatever good things are happening.
• 4:44
  So I kind of ignore that a little bit.
• 4:46
  Did. You let them.
• 4:47
  You just said I. Just said, you know what, you're
• 4:49
  going to always have those detractors and people who are
• 4:54
  not happy for your success, whatever it may be.
• 4:58
  It's, I mean, listen, I I think she's amazing.
• 5:01
  I. Yes.
• 5:02
  So. When she speaks, she speaks at
• 5:06
  you so confidently, like when she says listen and do this.
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  She even has a book or a podcast called This is What You Should
• 5:12
  Do. She's very specific and
• 5:14
  intentional. But when we discussed the idea
• 5:17
  that we should read this book and also the Brooke Shields book
• 5:20
  and talk about it on the podcast, I didn't realize you
• 5:24
  were stressing. Out.
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  Oh my God, why? Because I wrote this down
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  because I couldn't even remember the last time I read a book.
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  I mean, a real book was the James Fry when was on Oprah's
• 5:37
  book club. Million Little Pieces.
• 5:38
  Oh. OK, that's been a minute.
• 5:42
  OK. And Prince of Tides.
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  Oh my gosh, so my kids even bore me.
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  When I came out, right, no, I wasn't even married.
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  OK. So I was like, how am I gonna do
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  this? And then my daughter said, do it
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  on tape. And I like, you know, Audible,
• 5:59
  Audible. And I go, what?
• 6:02
  She goes, you can listen to it. So I go on and I'm listening,
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  but I don't want to tell you because I feel like I'm
• 6:10
  cheating. What does she know?
• 6:14
  And I'm an I consider myself a prolific reader.
• 6:17
  I read, I'm always reading a book.
• 6:20
  But here's here's what I guess I should also mention when I tell
• 6:25
  people I'm reading a book, I'm not reading and I'm listening.
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  To OK, why do you know that? Every single book that I've read
• 6:32
  since you've known me, I have only listened to it because in
• 6:36
  my mind it's the same thing. I've absorbed everything that
• 6:40
  the author wrote and what I love about when I read a book, read a
• 6:45
  book that is a a memoir, I feel like the author told me their
• 6:50
  life story. Personally, like Cher, I feel
• 6:53
  like I know her right now so well because she just read me
• 6:56
  her life story. So it's it's great.
• 6:59
  And the narration on the Let Them book.
• 7:01
  Is fantastic, is fantastic. You feel like she's your best
• 7:04
  friend and you're sitting at her house and she's telling.
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  I thought that I thought that's better than reading the book.
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  Sorry, everybody, but I really, really did.
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  I thought that her the way she even gets emotional while she's
• 7:18
  reading it, it just feels more authentic and more real in my
• 7:22
  opinion. It was great.
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  I so now what we aim to do is discuss the book, the premise,
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  not in a way where you don't need to go out and get the book
• 7:32
  right, but in a way where if you're never going to go out and
• 7:35
  get the book, you at least can benefit from the words that we
• 7:38
  read. But I think you you're going to
• 7:40
  want it. And also at least some of her
• 7:41
  podcasts where she discusses it. Getting opinion from women over
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  52 because you and I both had a couple of opinions.
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  We did. Not everything will get in agree
• 7:52
  with well, not everything was really relatable to people over
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  50 either, like some of the things so.
• 7:59
  Yeah, it's a 2 fold premise. It's let them let me.
• 8:03
  So let them means, oh, your friends all went out and had a
• 8:07
  happy hour and they didn't invite you and you only just
• 8:10
  found out from seeing it on social media.
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  Let them, let them. They're grown women.
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  They can invite who they want to invite, but let me think about,
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  should I do some reaching out on my own?
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  Should I be the one maybe suggesting some get together so
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  they know I'm game for the next one?
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  Should I, you know, drop these friends?
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  What should I be doing about it? So let them and then let me.
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  So most of it is common sense. I thought a lot of it was, and
• 8:42
  what happened was I couldn't get the Jerry Maguire scene out of
• 8:47
  my head. Let me help you once.
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  She said it once. I'm like, oh God, now I can't
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  get that Cuba Gooding Junior Tom Cruise scene out of my head
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  because that's all I kept thinking, Let me help you.
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  But one of the things I love too was she was talking about her
• 9:07
  son's prom. And this was a classic example
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  of using the let them philosophy, which is he didn't
• 9:15
  put a lot of planning into his prom.
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  He asked her at the last minute, the date he he is asked by his
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  mom, Mel Robbins, does he want a corsage?
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  And he's like, Nope, she doesn't need a corsage.
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  She does not let them. She goes and gets a corsage
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  anyway because she's like going to be the hero if at the last
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  minute he needs a corsage. And then not only that doesn't
• 9:40
  plan for where they're going to go eat afterwards.
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  There's a reservation and she's losing her mind versus what let
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  them would be, which is let them go.
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  Let them let them show up to the restaurant and not get a table.
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  Let them stand in the rain because they didn't plan.
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  Let them let these things happen.
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  And I am that mom that would have bought that corsage.
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  Oh, I am the mom. It like I don't know what
• 10:02
  happened but my older daughter said oh I need a boot near.
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  I said the prom is tomorrow. Well I need 1 so of course I run
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  out all over town, people even. Because every.
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  Prom is the same time. Exactly.
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  And even the woman at the florist like bullied me and was
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  like, you're waiting until now. I said it's a long story.
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  Is there any way? I mean, I've done that so many
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  times. So that really rang true for me.
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  But especially when you have girls, you feel like you need to
• 10:39
  step in and you know better and you've been there.
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  And, you know, I, I just think that that really was exactly
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  what a lot of moms tend to do. They just step in and say, you
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  can't do this without making a reservation.
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  You can't. You know, I think now hindsight,
• 10:57
  I might have let them, Yeah, you know.
• 10:59
  Yeah, and that's exactly what happened there.
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  She went ahead and she did pull that corsage out when the girl
• 11:04
  gave him a boutonniere. Only after she did that did she
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  realize in a very embarrassed state, that she had made her own
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  corsage. So it was kind of an
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  embarrassing situation. Now the girl's like, oh OK, I'll
• 11:17
  wear it and the the sun's. Furious.
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  Whereas that's when sometimes you just, as you said, have to
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  let. So another part of the book that
• 11:26
  really stood out to me, and I've struggled with this.
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  I want to save my whole life and now I'm just going to stop.
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  So I say is when someone has an issue with something you do,
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  they think that maybe you're, I don't know, a pain in the neck
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  when you're doing this or they just have these little beefs
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  with you. It doesn't mean they don't love
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  and like you, right? And that's something that for
• 11:49
  me, I always have stressed uncontrollably about.
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  If I do or say something that I know might have been a misstep,
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  I think that person is going to hate me.
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  And in reality, you have things your husband does that drive you
• 12:03
  crazy. There are things that my
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  daughter does or my son does that I don't love.
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  About that. But I love them unconditionally.
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  I think with friends some and coworkers and what have you,
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  sometimes you think if you make a mistake that you're they're
• 12:17
  just not going to like you anymore.
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  That's just not the case. So I took that away from this
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  book. If you're a regular listener to
• 12:24
  this podcast, you know that I, Eden, just went back into a
• 12:27
  career situation where I have to actually get dressed and be seen
• 12:31
  in public. Well, it's not just public, it's
• 12:33
  TV. Well, that is true, but even if
• 12:35
  it weren't for TV, I'd still be starting from Ground Zero
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  because my style has changed, the trends have changed.
• 14:20
  I wrote it down because I was pretty impressed with the five
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  whys. Yeah, let's talk about that.
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  The reason why I liked that so much, and it's the premise is if
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  something bothers you about somebody else five times, you're
• 14:35
  supposed to ask, ask yourself why.
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  So you dwindle it down to the real reason by the 5th why.
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  That's what I took away from. It So let's put that in
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  practice. How can we do that?
• 14:44
  All right, let's say the daughter doesn't have a
• 14:48
  boutonniere and it's the day before.
• 14:50
  Why are you upset? Right, because you don't want
• 14:54
  her to. You don't want her to be the
• 14:56
  only one that didn't do a boutonniere.
• 14:59
  Well why? Why would you be upset that she
• 15:02
  isn't the only because she would feel out of place?
• 15:06
  Well, why would she feel out of place?
• 15:09
  You know, like you're really dwindling it down to the point
• 15:12
  where you're like, really, it's about you.
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  That's what I think the 5th why is always like, well, why do you
• 15:19
  care? Yeah, well, how is this your?
• 15:20
  Right, right. How is this your issue?
• 15:23
  So you could do that with someone who drinks too much,
• 15:26
  someone who you know doesn't have the same values as you.
• 15:30
  Anything that you kind of differ, it's like, well, why
• 15:33
  does that bother you really? What is that?
• 15:38
  I just love really. I never really thought of it
• 15:41
  that way before. You have to keep asking why.
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  And to me, that was a really kind of eye opening thing.
• 15:49
  Yeah, because 9 out of 10 things that I worry about or or stress
• 15:53
  about that keep me laying awake looking at the ceiling at night
• 15:57
  are either a text that somebody didn't reply to.
• 16:00
  What could they be thinking? What could they possibly be
• 16:02
  thinking? Well, why?
• 16:03
  Why do why does it matter, right?
• 16:06
  Why, right. And also things that are never
• 16:09
  going to happen but could potentially happen, right.
• 16:12
  And for example, you know, say you have a job that this is not
• 16:18
  a personal experience at all, but say, you know, you have a
• 16:21
  job at a business that you don't think is going to be a
• 16:26
  successful business, You know, and you want to look for a new
• 16:28
  job, but you know, it's going to make everyone else upset.
• 16:30
  And why why are you not going to move on that?
• 16:34
  You know, there are just a lot of different.
• 16:36
  You have. To talk to yourself more than we
• 16:37
  do I. Think, yeah, it's it's about
• 16:40
  finding out really, what is the bottom line problem that's
• 16:44
  making you so upset about this? And without being defensive when
• 16:49
  you're talking also to the person, you know, without,
• 16:52
  you're not allowed to be defensive.
• 16:54
  You're not allowed to make statements.
• 16:57
  It's always, well, why, Why do you feel this way?
• 17:00
  And they say, I don't know, I just do.
• 17:03
  And not nagging them, not going on and on and on about it,
• 17:08
  which, you know, sometimes you can be like, especially as
• 17:11
  women, I'm not trying. Right, Right, right.
• 17:14
  Right. Exactly.
• 17:15
  So that was a big one for me and also friendships later in life I
• 17:22
  that really made a lot of sense because you know me, we always
• 17:25
  talk everybody about what a homebody I am and it really made
• 17:28
  sense. Like if you want to be included
• 17:32
  in things, then make an effort. If you want, if you move
• 17:36
  somewhere new and you have no friends, make an effort.
• 17:39
  And people think everybody should come to them and
• 17:43
  everybody should call them and include them.
• 17:46
  And I love that. It kind of turned that whole
• 17:49
  thing around. Like no, you, you reach out to
• 17:52
  people, you make an effort if. They, if they rather than feel
• 17:55
  slighted, right? If somebody has a party and
• 17:59
  you're not invited, and this is the example we used earlier, let
• 18:03
  them, but let me do things now that are more actively moving
• 18:10
  towards solidifying my friendship.
• 18:12
  So there are parties that I get invited to, right?
• 18:14
  And that's the difference between just saying let them and
• 18:18
  then also figuring out, OK, I'm going to let them do their thing
• 18:22
  and I'm not going to get myself all wrapped up in it, but I'm
• 18:25
  also going to take some action and I'm not going to sit back
• 18:27
  and let it happen again. Because if, you know, fool me
• 18:29
  once, shame on you twice, shame on me kind of thing.
• 18:32
  That's not something from the book.
• 18:34
  That's just saying like, if that keeps happening, sometimes a
• 18:38
  pattern really is a pattern. And if you're the only
• 18:40
  consistent in that. Pattern.
• 18:42
  Then yes, you have to think, OK, I've got to do something
• 18:45
  different. I love the section, even though
• 18:47
  it doesn't apply to me on dating because when she's talking to
• 18:50
  these young women and saying if you're getting nothing back in
• 18:55
  your text, that's how he feels, how he feels, you have to.
• 19:00
  If they want to show you who they are, let them, right?
• 19:04
  Don't go out of your way to make excuses for them.
• 19:06
  Let them show you who they are. And then I can't remember
• 19:09
  exactly how she said it, but it was something to the effect of
• 19:12
  if you're wondering if you're confused there, there's your
• 19:16
  answer. Because if you're wondering if
• 19:19
  he likes you and you think he does, there's your answer.
• 19:21
  If you're confused about his feelings, there's your answer,
• 19:25
  because when he if he has legitimately good feelings and
• 19:28
  good intentions or she it's going to, it's not going to be a
• 19:33
  confusing situation. It's going to be crystal clear.
• 19:37
  Right, well, and I saw in TikTok one of these where they put a
• 19:41
  bunch of Carrie and Big scenes together, but they they put them
• 19:45
  together for how pathetic she was.
• 19:48
  On constant the city. Yeah, and constantly, you know,
• 19:52
  going after him even though he wasn't interested.
• 19:55
  And they, they clipped them all together.
• 19:57
  And I thought about that because I'm like, Oh my God, when you
• 20:00
  see it like that, you're like, gosh, she was just driving that
• 20:05
  man insane and like kind of just really.
• 20:09
  Inappropriate when you see it all lined up together and not
• 20:12
  letting him make any moves or any feelings really towards her,
• 20:17
  of course, until the movie. But it just yeah.
• 20:21
  I mean, like, it's great for younger people in my opinion, to
• 20:25
  be reading that chapter because with social media and
• 20:27
  everything, people read into things when they're dating that
• 20:31
  I mean. Well, there's a great country
• 20:34
  song called. If he wanted to, he would.
• 20:36
  Right. And it's like, you know, just
• 20:38
  'cause he wished you happy birthday on your birthday.
• 20:41
  Right. You know he didn't text you and
• 20:43
  say let's get back together, 'cause guess what?
• 20:45
  If you wanted to, he would he. Would.
• 20:47
  And that's kind of the deal with most people in this world.
• 20:49
  If, you know, if they wanted to, they would.
• 20:52
  I mean, I've made millions of excuses for people over the
• 20:54
  years, and I'm sure people have done that for me.
• 20:57
  But at the end of the day, you got to let people show you who
• 21:01
  they are. I agree.
• 21:03
  And the other part that I loved was rescuing people.
• 21:06
  You need to step back and allow adults to face consequences for
• 21:10
  their actions. I have to be honest.
• 21:12
  I don't think I did that until my late 50s, honestly.
• 21:17
  Maybe, yeah, Late 50s. Oh yeah.
• 21:19
  Oh yeah. I had to, like, fix everything.
• 21:22
  I had to. Yeah, I'm a fixer.
• 21:25
  And I had to, you know, I couldn't just sit back and watch
• 21:29
  a train wreck. Now I I can do it.
• 21:32
  It's not easy, by the way. It took a lot of work, but I
• 21:37
  knew better. I could fix the situation if
• 21:40
  they would just listen, you know what I mean?
• 21:42
  And after. This book is for really is the
• 21:45
  fixers out there. Yeah, I'm a former fixer, but.
• 21:48
  Fixers and the naggers. I'm the naggers and I'm the
• 21:51
  fixer. The fixer because I have all the
• 21:53
  answers. And if you would just listen,
• 21:56
  your life would be so much easier.
• 21:57
  And people have to learn on their own.
• 22:00
  And that's what that's why I said some things in this book
• 22:02
  are common sense, because I kind of learned that way before this
• 22:05
  book. And you have to let people,
• 22:09
  they're grown adults, let them fall, let them make mistakes,
• 22:13
  let them do things you wouldn't approve of.
• 22:16
  They're grown adults. They're grown ass.
• 22:20
  Yes, and you just have to let them be.
• 22:23
  And yeah. So as long as we're on the
• 22:26
  subject of Mel Robbins, there's something else she made a video
• 22:29
  about. And I just love it so much.
• 22:31
  And I, I, I've never done this. If I did anything, my husband
• 22:35
  would think I'm crazy. And I know you're never going to
• 22:37
  do it, but it's called Slytherin.
• 22:38
  Have you ever seen her video about Slytherin?
• 22:40
  She suggests, look this up, Mel Robin Slytherin, that when you
• 22:46
  wake up in the morning, you should slither out of bed.
• 22:49
  And then she does it. She's in her bed.
• 22:52
  And if I wasn't wearing a dress right now and these ridiculous
• 22:55
  shoes that I can't walk in, I would show you.
• 22:57
  But she slithers out of her bed and she basically slides into
• 23:04
  the bathroom or wherever she's got to go next and doesn't even
• 23:07
  stand up until she's been out of the bed for like at least 1520
• 23:10
  seconds. She's just Slytherin from the
• 23:12
  bed. Her idea being that that's how
• 23:14
  you're going to very gradually get out of bed and wake up in
• 23:16
  the morning. You're going to slither out of
• 23:18
  the bed. You're looking at me like it
• 23:20
  makes sense. Yeah, well, only because I'd be
• 23:22
  the one that would like not be able to get up like I'd have, I
• 23:25
  told you. This before I think I have now
• 23:27
  that I think about it, but it's obviously not made an impression
• 23:30
  on you. Why would you want to do that?
• 23:33
  I don't know. I would never want to do that.
• 23:36
  I know you wouldn't. You know me.
• 23:37
  I would never slip out. Of bed or do.
• 23:39
  You No, I don't bolt out of bed because I don't get up to an
• 23:44
  alarm. I automatically get up around
• 23:46
  5:30, quarter six automatically. It's just in my clock.
• 23:50
  So I lay in bed and like, you know, watch TV for 15 minutes,
• 23:56
  watch the news for 15 minutes. But I I'm not a pop out of bed
• 24:01
  kind of person. I have to gradually, slowly get
• 24:05
  up well. I'll find this and I'll put it
• 24:07
  on our Instagram stories or in our ladies only Facebook.
• 24:10
  I'm going to make a prediction, though.
• 24:12
  She is the Oprah of this generation.
• 24:15
  She's going to have her own talk show.
• 24:17
  She's going to have many, many books in her future and she is
• 24:22
  going to be what Oprah was to us, to this next generation.
• 24:26
  I think it's fantastic. Everyone needs an Oprah in their
• 24:28
  generation. But that's my prediction just
• 24:32
  from listening to this book. She has that very Oprah feel to
• 24:37
  her and she's highly connected in the world of having people on
• 24:43
  her podcast, and I just think she's going to just take this
• 24:48
  ball and roll with it, which is fantastic, so.
• 24:52
  Yeah, she's got some pearls of wisdom in that book for sure.
• 24:54
  And if you have a daughter? Oh, I agree.
• 24:58
  Like you gave it to your daughter.
• 24:59
  So anyway, we want to tell you how much we appreciate you being
• 25:03
  with us for this podcast. We hope you're listening to it.
• 25:05
  And if you want to see it, stay, stay tuned for all different
• 25:08
  ways for you to watch this and join us on our ladies only
• 25:13
  Facebook page. It's called uncluttered and
• 25:15
  unfiltered ladies only. We'll let you write in and.
• 25:19
  And we're doing Brooke Shields book next.
• 25:22
  Yeah, next month. So ladies, if you want to read
• 25:25
  along, but I am excited for that book.
• 25:28
  I really am. I've heard, I've heard her talk
• 25:30
  about it on different social medias and on, you know, the
• 25:34
  Today show and stuff. So I'm excited to read that
• 25:37
  book. Me too.
• 25:38
  Me too. It's called.
• 25:39
  Well, not really. Read.
• 25:40
  Listen. Shields is not allowed to get
• 25:42
  old is what it is. So one of the things in Mel
• 25:45
  Robbins book she talks about is the difference between let it go
• 25:48
  and let them. So even if someone comes along
• 25:51
  and writes a book called Let Them and says that it's
• 25:55
  different than Let it Go, you can still read Let them and then
• 25:59
  let it go. And don't look back.