Latest / Cash Confident with Brie Sodano / How Identity and Paradigms Influence Financial Choices

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How Identity and Paradigms Influence Financial Choices · Cash Confident with Brie Sodano

• 0:01
  Speaker 1: Welcome to the Cash Confident podcast.
• 0:03
  Speaker 1: I'm Brie Sedano, your fearless host, personal finance expert and the visionary behind the revolutionary Cash Confident community.
• 0:10
  Speaker 1: Get ready to embark on an electrifying journey where we redefine the rules of money and empower women to harness the immense power to craft a life they truly, truly desire.
• 0:22
  Speaker 1: This podcast is the ultimate resource, meticulously crafted, for women who are ready to unleash their financial prowess and embrace a life of abundant success.
• 0:32
  Speaker 1: We leave no stone unturned as we delve into the depths of money management, mindset mastery and the undeniable influence of emotions on your financial decisions.
• 0:43
  Speaker 1: Prepare to rise above the societal limitations and break free from the chains that have held you back, as we equip you with the tools and knowledge to make bold, confident choices with your cash.
• 0:55
  Speaker 1: We believe that true financial power begins with knowledge, and that is exactly what we deliver.
• 1:02
  Speaker 1: So buckle up, my fierce and ambitious friends, as we embark on this transformative journey to becoming Cash Confident together.
• 1:10
  Speaker 1: Hello, hello everyone.
• 1:18
  Speaker 1: In our last episode we talked about mapping mindsets, and so we talked about thoughts, we talked about beliefs and we talked about judgments, and if you haven't listened to that episode, I would really go back and listen, because it's kind of the base level of information.
• 1:35
  Speaker 1: For what we're going to talk about today, which is identity and paradigms, which is another juicy juicy topic, and this kind of also goes into mapping the mindset, but it's more of a complex and nuanced view.
• 1:50
  Speaker 1: It's more of the way things really are, where last episode we've kind of just talked about belief, structures as structures, all right.
• 1:59
  Speaker 1: So today we're going to get into identity and to paradigms.
• 2:03
  Speaker 1: So when humans are being formed and I mean maybe your first 10 years of life, your learning, your subconscious is mapping everything.
• 2:16
  Speaker 1: Your little kid brain is putting in neural pathways for how to be a human.
• 2:24
  Speaker 1: And so this is language, love, family, the way that we talk to each other, the way that we spend money, the way that we don't spend money, what food we eat, our flavor profiles, what sounds, our tongues, can make everything, everything, everything.
• 2:38
  Speaker 1: So, like, by the time you're 12, you're pretty much a human, like you're not an adult human, but you know everything that there is to know about being a human.
• 2:52
  Speaker 1: Whether or not that's all right is probably not, because, let me get into this so when we're kids, our conscious brain, the part of our brain that really does a lot of questioning and is like does this make sense?
• 3:03
  Speaker 1: Isn't really on board.
• 3:04
  Speaker 1: Yet that part of our brain doesn't really come online to wear a little bit older, I don't know.
• 3:09
  Speaker 1: Let's say seven to 12.
• 3:11
  Speaker 1: So when you're younger, you're just subconscious.
• 3:15
  Speaker 1: You're just in your subconscious all the time.
• 3:17
  Speaker 1: That's why little little kids are.
• 3:21
  Speaker 1: You can't trust them.
• 3:22
  Speaker 1: You're like were you going to climb?
• 3:24
  Speaker 1: That that's not for climbing.
• 3:26
  Speaker 1: Were you going to eat that rock?
• 3:26
  Speaker 1: That is probably going to kill you.
• 3:28
  Speaker 1: Like, were you going to do these things that are clearly dangerous?
• 3:33
  Speaker 1: It's because they literally don't have the prefrontal cortex to question their decisions.
• 3:38
  Speaker 1: They're like you know what I want to do?
• 3:40
  Speaker 1: Stick my hand in there.
• 3:41
  Speaker 1: That's why we have to watch them all the time, because we take our conscious brain and protect them from their own subconscious, which is just trying to figure it all out.
• 3:53
  Speaker 1: And so, in time, our brain starts to give meaning to certain experiences, which then becomes a part of our identity.
• 4:03
  Speaker 1: It can become part of our identity not every single thing.
• 4:06
  Speaker 1: So identity is a set of beliefs that are like mental and emotional homeostasis.
• 4:17
  Speaker 1: That's the best way that I think I have to put it.
• 4:19
  Speaker 1: It's what separates us from, not us.
• 4:21
  Speaker 1: It's the I am Right, so it's like I know who I am, I know who you are, and like our where.
• 4:29
  Speaker 1: It's like our mental realm, our emotional realm, our energetic realm, our physical realm, all kind of tied together in one set of thoughts, one set of beliefs, one set of judgments, and they will construct our identity.
• 4:45
  Speaker 1: Now, identity is very important when it comes to money, when it comes to increasing wealth and abundance, and here's why it's because money is an area of life where changes impact everything.
• 5:01
  Speaker 1: Right, so it let's just say you were to have, you were to go from wherever you're making now to $2 million a year, or you were to get, you know, $10 million in a settlement or a lottery ticket or something.
• 5:16
  Speaker 1: It would change where you're able to live, it would change how freely you're able to travel, it would change the food that you eat, the way that you're able to educate your children, the level to which you can afford spectacular healthcare, what investments you could be in Like.
• 5:34
  Speaker 1: It will change most areas of your life.
• 5:38
  Speaker 1: And so money, when increasing financial abundance, is something that can be very, very upsetting to the identity, because it's not just one thing that changes, it changes most of most of our reality.
• 5:53
  Speaker 1: And so, when it comes to financial identity, we have to really look at who we think we are and who we think we're not, because a lot of times it's at the identity level where people are really separating themselves from the success that they want.
• 6:09
  Speaker 1: So this may look like somebody wants to start a business but simultaneously has subscribed to the idea that they're not in sales, that sales people are wrong we talked about that last episode or that they want to make a big impact but they actually don't want to have a lot of money, because people who have a lot of money are greedy assholes or they want this but they don't want to be like those people.
• 6:39
  Speaker 1: So on that identity level we've said we're on this side of our judgments.
• 6:44
  Speaker 1: We're not on that side of our judgments, and the thing that your brain always wants to do is it wants to keep you congruent with who you think you are.
• 6:52
  Speaker 1: So your ideas of self are critically important to the reality that you're going to create.
• 7:01
  Speaker 1: So a lot of times we talk about B, do have type goals, and it's you have to be the person to do the things, to have the stuff that you want, and so when we talk about being the person, oftentimes that does involve stretching, growing, changing your identity.
• 7:18
  Speaker 1: You have, sometimes you have to reinvent aspects of yourself.
• 7:21
  Speaker 1: And so identity, that's a really, really juicy place to start to look at.
• 7:27
  Speaker 1: So I'll give you some tips.
• 7:28
  Speaker 1: So when we're, when we say an I am, a sentence that starts with I am, we are giving instructions to our subconscious brain that that is part of our identity.
• 7:40
  Speaker 1: Now, where this gets a little screwed up for people is most of the time they're doing they're saying I am an observation of something that just happened, but while they're saying that I am, they're giving their future self instructions.
• 7:52
  Speaker 1: So it is not an observatory, like your mind will say it, like it's an observation, but your subconscious hears that as future instructions.
• 8:02
  Speaker 1: So I will tell you this for years I said things like I am such a disaster, I am a hot mess, right, those were two of my go to sentences.
• 8:12
  Speaker 1: And at that point in my life I was running late, I was dropping my coffee, I was drinking probably more than I should have, you know, I was forgetting to return phone calls.
• 8:23
  Speaker 1: And that's not because those, those actions were congruent with a disaster and a hot mess.
• 8:28
  Speaker 1: I stopped saying those things.
• 8:31
  Speaker 1: I'm not a hot mess.
• 8:32
  Speaker 1: I mean, I might have been a hot mess then, but it was really because I was instructing myself to be a hot mess, and shifting that piece of my identity allowed me to grow and expand.
• 8:44
  Speaker 1: So I stopped taking hot mess actions because I didn't need to be congruent with being a hot mess.
• 8:51
  Speaker 1: An identity is something that, as you grow and expand in your human experience and in your money and all the things, it's something that there's.
• 9:00
  Speaker 1: There are core pieces to your identity that are never going to change, like the essence of who you are.
• 9:05
  Speaker 1: But your judgments, your beliefs, the way that you see things, a lot of those things need to need to grow and expand.
• 9:12
  Speaker 1: Otherwise you'll just be the same.
• 9:15
  Speaker 1: You'll always have the same reality, you'll always have the same everything and you'll have a very I don't know small, maybe boring, existence.
• 9:25
  Speaker 1: And so as we stretch our identity, it helps us.
• 9:33
  Speaker 1: It's an important part of also stretching our financial comfort zone is that identity level, and so the places to look are really just in all three of those things that we're talking about.
• 9:45
  Speaker 1: So it's like who do I think I am, what do I think is possible for me or for people like me, and where are my walls of separation.
• 9:56
  Speaker 1: Where are my walls of separation between me and people who probably already have things that I would like to have Right?
• 10:05
  Speaker 1: Because if we're judging those people is wrong, bad, selfish, greedy, you know, whatever, we're very likely not going to be able to take the actions to end up where they are, which is, you know and I will also say this the other thing about judgments on the identity level.
• 10:23
  Speaker 1: So it's like things that we think are like good or bad, or right or wrong.
• 10:27
  Speaker 1: The judgments that you have about your close friends or your parents or your relatives are going to be more impactful than, like, the judgments that you have.
• 10:37
  Speaker 1: They're a little bit further away, like Jeff Bezos or Elon Musk People love to, or Kim Kardashian, people love to judge them.
• 10:44
  Speaker 1: So the stuff that's up close, you know you want to look for those judgments and see, all right.
• 10:49
  Speaker 1: Well, if I believe that someone's always wrong for getting her nails done, what does that mean about me?
• 10:55
  Speaker 1: It means that I'm probably not willing to invest in my self-care, at least at the level of appearance.
• 11:00
  Speaker 1: You know, I was just doing this activity with some of my clients, and so one of my clients was telling me some of her judgments of this woman.
• 11:10
  Speaker 1: She knows who runs late.
• 11:13
  Speaker 1: And I was like, hmm, that judgment to me says that you know the idea that people would be waiting for you would make you bad and wrong.
• 11:24
  Speaker 1: And she's like, absolutely.
• 11:25
  Speaker 1: And I was like, all right.
• 11:26
  Speaker 1: And so if you're never willing to be on the other side of that, I said it sounds to me like you would be constantly bending over backwards for other people's time, not being able to set boundaries with your own time taking phone calls after work hours, answering emails early in the morning, that's it.
• 11:45
  Speaker 1: And she was like absolutely.
• 11:47
  Speaker 1: And I was like, yeah, because that judgment that you have about this other woman making you wait means that if you were to make people wait, you would be wrong.
• 11:59
  Speaker 1: And since that judgment is so big, like she was really like some kind of way about this other woman's time management you know it wasn't just like a little judgment, it was there was a lot of, there's a lot of fire in that judgment that that judgment on her identity and it was on an identity level has her.
• 12:18
  Speaker 1: That impacts so much of her life.
• 12:20
  Speaker 1: And so we had to start to question that judgment and take that judgment down for her to be able to set boundaries with work and really like this.
• 12:31
  Speaker 1: This is going to help her in a path to making more money, because people who see themselves as very successful and very important take their time.
• 12:40
  Speaker 1: They're not rushing, they're not worried about about time in such a way, and so if she wants that level of power over time, she's going to have to be both Right and we're not.
• 12:54
  Speaker 1: And where I'm not going with this is this woman is not going to end up being like blatantly disrespectful of other people's time or being a big jerk about it.
• 13:02
  Speaker 1: That's not where we're going.
• 13:06
  Speaker 1: So when we break down the judgment, it's not that we're gonna be bad, it's just that when we see it as good and bad, it's more of a too simplistic of a view.
• 13:17
  Speaker 1: It's not quite as helpful, all right.
• 13:20
  Speaker 1: So those are some things that you can know about your financial identity and the areas that you wanna be thinking about.
• 13:25
  Speaker 1: As far as that goes is like earning, spending, saving, debt, giving, receiving.
• 13:30
  Speaker 1: You even wanna look at your judgments of rich people and poor people and you wanna start to see all of your I am statements and the things that you think are available to you or not available to you, or what you would have to do or not do to be a good earner, saver, spender, et cetera.
• 13:45
  Speaker 1: Like you wanna take that to your journal and start to just look and see.
• 13:51
  Speaker 1: Well, what does my identity say about this?
• 13:53
  Speaker 1: Because if you wanna construct a reality that's very different than your identity, your identity has to move.
• 14:00
  Speaker 1: Like you can't, you cannot do it.
• 14:02
  Speaker 1: Like you can't construct a whole reality that would make you very incongruent with your identity.
• 14:07
  Speaker 1: It won't happen.
• 14:08
  Speaker 1: Your brain will freak out.
• 14:08
  Speaker 1: You won't be able to take the actions.
• 14:10
  Speaker 1: Like you'll self-sabotage backslide, get in your own way every single step of the way because you're asking yourself to be incongruent with who you think you are.
• 14:18
  Speaker 1: All right.
• 14:20
  Speaker 1: So the next thing that I wanna talk about is paradigms, and paradigms are also sets of belief structure.
• 14:25
  Speaker 1: They're just not about the self.
• 14:26
  Speaker 1: And paradigms are another place where super, super juicy mindset work happens.
• 14:32
  Speaker 1: So paradigms, again, it's a set of thoughts, beliefs, judgments on a certain topic, so hustle culture.
• 14:41
  Speaker 1: That's a whole paradigm, right, and so it may be underpinned by beliefs.
• 14:46
  Speaker 1: Like you have to work hard to make money.
• 14:48
  Speaker 1: Productivity is what makes you worthy.
• 14:50
  Speaker 1: I'll sleep when I'm dead.
• 14:53
  Speaker 1: You know.
• 14:55
  Speaker 1: Those are some of the things that like thoughts, those beliefs and all of that together contributes to a set of actions, behaviors and emotional states that keeps people hustling.
• 15:08
  Speaker 1: Right, so that's a paradigm.
• 15:11
  Speaker 1: Another one is like diet culture.
• 15:12
  Speaker 1: Right, like diet culture is a massive paradigm and it's super conflicted.
• 15:20
  Speaker 1: Right, where these belief structures don't even make sense in the context of their own thing.
• 15:26
  Speaker 1: Right, like you'll hear people saying you should eat small meals six times a day, some people saying you should fast 16 hours a day, some people saying you shouldn't eat fat, some people saying you shouldn't eat carbs, some people saying you need to exercise this much and other people saying you don't need to exercise that much.
• 15:44
  Speaker 1: And there's like diet culture.
• 15:48
  Speaker 1: The paradigm is mind blowing when you start to really look at it.
• 15:52
  Speaker 1: Like what would I need to do or not do to be, I don't know whatever my ideal size, and the advice is super conflicting, right, so that's a paradigm.
• 16:07
  Speaker 1: That's a massive paradigm in our culture.
• 16:08
  Speaker 1: And like American society.
• 16:10
  Speaker 1: So, when it comes to mindset, paradigms are also a place where we wanna start to look, and so that's starting to look at belief structures that are all of the belief structures within a certain context, because that's the place where we start to see where conflicts arise, and conflicts inside of our belief structure or inside of our judgments can be super, super upsetting and painful, and I'm gonna give you a story to like break this down.
• 16:44
  Speaker 1: So when I was a stock broker before I opened up Cash Confident as a business, I also had small kids, so I was working.
• 16:54
  Speaker 1: I was new at being a financial advisor at the time that I'm talking about, and I believed that I needed to be available to take evening appointments with my clients to be able to grow my business, to be able to be a good advisor, to be able to meet people where they were at right.
• 17:09
  Speaker 1: So I needed to be able, I needed to see clients at night to be basically good at my job and to be successful.
• 17:17
  Speaker 1: Now that belief conflicted with the belief that I needed to be home with my family and cook dinner and be with my little kids to be a good mom, and so, no matter what I did, I was wrong and it was incredibly, incredibly painful and I felt was I mean, I sat on my kitchen floor for probably a year and cried basically every morning because these were two things that I so wanted to be good at.
• 17:45
  Speaker 1: I really, really wanted to be good at the thing that I was doing professionally.
• 17:49
  Speaker 1: I wanted to really make a name for myself, really help people, and also I really wanted to be a good mom.
• 17:55
  Speaker 1: You know I love my kids and so I couldn't win.
• 18:00
  Speaker 1: I set myself up to be wired for pain and that was really within two different paradigms.
• 18:04
  Speaker 1: So it's like my motherhood paradigm really conflicted with my work paradigm.
• 18:11
  Speaker 1: Then there was like an additional paradigm of what it takes to be a good wife.
• 18:14
  Speaker 1: That really also conflicted with those other two things and, which is interesting enough, is my ideas about being a good wife.
• 18:21
  Speaker 1: I don't even know where these really ideas came from.
• 18:23
  Speaker 1: I was raised by my single dad, so he didn't have a wife.
• 18:27
  Speaker 1: I mean, him and my mom got divorced when I was a little kid and my dad didn't get married again until I think I was 21 or 22.
• 18:35
  Speaker 1: So I didn't even know what a wife would even do, right.
• 18:40
  Speaker 1: But I had these ideas of what it looked like to be a good wife and so I thought I'd find it.
• 18:46
  Speaker 1: I thought to be a good wife I would have to keep my house really clean, which you guys you probably don't really know me personally because this is a podcast.
• 18:54
  Speaker 1: But I'm not a super tidy person, I'm just not.
• 18:57
  Speaker 1: So then I would believe that if my house was clean, I was a good wife.
• 19:01
  Speaker 1: But when you're trying to keep your house clean with two small children, you pretty much can't be a good mom because, I don't know, I was losing it with my kids.
• 19:09
  Speaker 1: You know, like I'd be vacuuming, they'd be crunching Cheetos on the floor, right, and so that was just such a painful place in my existence because I couldn't be good in these major areas of my life, not because I was doing anything wrong, not because I wasn't good enough, but because these belief structures were causing me to always be on the wrong side of my judgment, and these were massively important areas of my life, and so I was basically mentally wired for pain, and this happens all of the time with clients, and so it's just a super interesting thing.
• 19:46
  Speaker 1: So paradigms again, to like, explore paradigms.
• 19:51
  Speaker 1: You wanna write, you wanna grab your journal and start to think about your thoughts about certain topics, your beliefs about certain topics, what you would have to do or not do to be good in those areas, and then you can start to see oh my goodness, I really think that to you know, be a healthy person, I need to do 12 things and they all conflict.
• 20:15
  Speaker 1: I can never be that Like, I can't do it.
• 20:18
  Speaker 1: There's too many conflicts and you'll see how much.
• 20:22
  Speaker 1: I don't know.
• 20:24
  Speaker 1: Outside influences really impact people and when you wanna shift your paradigms and like the thing about paradigms that's really cool is when you start to create them on purpose, your life gets so much easier.
• 20:35
  Speaker 1: So that's some of the work that I do with my clients on paradigms.
• 20:39
  Speaker 1: Paradigms are I think this is probably as far as we can go in podcast form, because they're a little tricky there's a lot of nuances.
• 20:45
  Speaker 1: There's a lot of like sub-cultural paradigm topics.
• 20:51
  Speaker 1: So, like I'll notice different paradigms and clients that are 60, then in clients that are 35, around like, the social conditioning is also part of the paradigms and that's definitely changed over the years.
• 21:02
  Speaker 1: Paradigms are different.
• 21:04
  Speaker 1: If you grew up, let's say, in poverty or lower middle class or middle middle class or upper middle class, or if you grew up super wealthy, the paradigms there around money, wealth, life incredibly different.
• 21:16
  Speaker 1: Education is another paradigm.
• 21:18
  Speaker 1: Health wait, health, what's it called?
• 21:23
  Speaker 1: Health?
• 21:23
  Speaker 1: That's a diet.
• 21:25
  Speaker 1: Culture, that's a paradigm.
• 21:26
  Speaker 1: What is required to be successful in life?
• 21:29
  Speaker 1: That's a paradigm.
• 21:30
  Speaker 1: So paradigms are on a specific topic, but then they all play together inside the landscape of your mind.
• 21:40
  Speaker 1: All right, so I hope you learned something.
• 21:42
  Speaker 1: We went a little deep today, so I don't know.
• 21:46
  Speaker 1: I just hope you were with me and learned something, and I hope you did, and please feel free to share this with everybody.
• 21:55
  Speaker 1: All right, I love you.
• 21:56
  Speaker 1: I appreciate you.
• 21:57
  Speaker 1: Thank you for hanging out with me and listening.
• 21:58
  Speaker 1: Bye, it was my pleasure and joy to talk with you today.
• 22:06
  Speaker 1: Thank you for listening.
• 22:07
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• 22:14
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• 22:19
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• 22:44
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• 23:03
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