Latest / Project Candor: Ordinary People. Unexpected Stories / Normal Was Not Being There with Jim Sabellico | Ship's Log #38

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Normal Was Not Being There with Jim Sabellico | Ship's Log #38 · Project Candor: Ordinary People. Unexpected Stories

0:00
Jim Sabellico: No matter how much money I made that day, no matter how many sales I had, no matter what, it's not helping me feel connected with my life, connected with my kids.
0:26
Jeanne: Welcome to Project Candor, the podcast where ordinary people share unexpected stories.
0:31
Jeanne: I'm your host, Jeanne Andersen, and I'm glad you're here.
0:34
Jeanne: Every episode, we sit down with someone living a real life, not a highlight reel, and we find the moments that actually shaped who they became.
0:43
Jeanne: Today's conversation is a great example.
0:46
Jeanne: Jim Sabellico is an entrepreneur marketing expert and host of the No Half Cakes Podcast.
0:53
Jeanne: After building multiple seven and eight-figure businesses, he discovered that success isn't just about money, it's about creating a life you won't regret.
1:02
Jeanne: Now he helps entrepreneurs redefine what success really means, simplify their growth, and build businesses that align with their purpose.
1:10
Jeanne: Welcome, Jim.
1:11
Jeanne: Thanks for joining Project Candor.
1:14
Jim Sabellico: Thank you.
1:14
Jim Sabellico: I'm excited to be here.
1:16
Jeanne: Before we get into the hard stuff, I want to start at the beginning, if that's okay.
1:21
Jeanne: Of course.
1:23
Jeanne: When you were building those early businesses, chasing the numbers, the growth, the recognition, what story were you telling yourself about what success was going to feel like when you got there?
1:36
Jim Sabellico: I would say you paint this really rosy picture of what the future will look like and imagine that all of your problems will be magically solved.
1:47
Jim Sabellico: And it just isn't the case.
1:50
Jim Sabellico: You know, looking back on it, I think the concept was hey, if you just work a little bit harder, if you just make a little bit more, all of your problems will go away.
2:01
Jim Sabellico: And that money will solve all your problems.
2:03
Jim Sabellico: And the reality is that you just end up getting more expensive problems.
2:08
Jim Sabellico: And you know, it's it's not obviously always the case, and and there there's some variety in that.
2:14
Jim Sabellico: But that was the story that I definitely told myself was hey, just work a little harder now, and you know, you'll be able to solve all your problems, and then you'll just have all this wonderful free time that you can just do whatever you want.
2:26
Jim Sabellico: And uh it just didn't quite pan out that way.
2:30
Jeanne: Okay.
2:30
Jeanne: Well, see, now I am I'm admire people that can build businesses that are seven and eight figures.
2:37
Jeanne: So I'm in awe of you for doing that.
2:39
Jeanne: Um, but at the same time, I took a different route and I was in the corporate world trying to go up your next title was you know, climbing that ladder, climbing that ladder.
2:48
Jeanne: And I think I didn't have the experience of owning that much uh revenue or that big of a pie, I guess.
2:57
Jeanne: But I did experience that climbing the ladder and the empty feeling, like the higher you get, the better it is, and then getting there and thinking, no, recognition is not everything.
3:09
Jeanne: So I just did want to call out that I do admire you for what you have done.
3:14
Jim Sabellico: Well, I appreciate that.
3:16
Jim Sabellico: It's uh I I wish I could say the same, to be honest.
3:21
Jim Sabellico: You know,
3:22
Jeanne: Really
3:22
Jim Sabellico: Looking, yeah, looking back on all of that stuff, uh, most of it feels sort of empty.
3:29
Jim Sabellico: Um just from the perspective of what's it really worth?
3:34
Jim Sabellico: Like what good has it done?
3:36
Jim Sabellico: And I obviously enjoy those businesses and and so reap the fruit of that currently, and uh it allowed me to be where I am now and and all of that stuff.
3:47
Jim Sabellico: But I think just from the perspective of you know, as a society, we look at, hey, that was an awesome accomplishment, and we gloss over the accomplishments of people who are, you know, maybe volunteering at their local school or whatever it is, and somehow that's not celebrated as much.
4:06
Jim Sabellico: And um, you know, it's trying to to live with that sometimes is a little bit difficult.
4:14
Jeanne: Well, I actually love what you just said because uh that's what Project Candor is about is trying to give people a red carpet that don't get that recognition and then finding out who they truly are as a person.
4:23
Jeanne: So your story's awesome, and I've got more questions.
4:27
Jeanne: So my next question is take me back to that birthday moment.
4:32
Jeanne: I think we're going there anyway.
4:34
Jeanne: You came home late, your son's cake was half gone.
4:37
Jeanne: What did you feel standing in front of that moment?
4:40
Jeanne: And when did you realize it wasn't just about the birthday?
4:44
Jim Sabellico: Yeah, so I felt empty, um very unsettled that you know I didn't know necessarily who I was anymore.
5:01
Jim Sabellico: So, right, you you build up this image of yourself and your identity as you're this successful business person and you can do anything you want, and you've kind of got this Midas touch feeling.
5:12
Jim Sabellico: And when you spend so much of your time in and on the business, that's kind of how you define right who you are and your level of success.
5:21
Jim Sabellico: You're able to show up at work, make a bunch of money, and you feel like you know you're a successful person, you've accomplished the task.
5:28
Jim Sabellico: And then when you get home and you're standing there and it's it's kind of that quiet, awkward moment where you realize all of that stuff doesn't really matter.
5:38
Jim Sabellico: Like it's not helping me in this moment.
5:41
Jim Sabellico: No matter how much money I made that day, no matter how many sales I had, no matter what, it's not helping me feel connected with my wife, connected with my kids, right?
5:53
Jim Sabellico: And and none of those things came as a byproduct of the business.
5:58
Jim Sabellico: And so when you're standing there, you start to question, hey, who the heck are you?
6:03
Jim Sabellico: Are you truly successful?
6:05
Jim Sabellico: Have you wasted all this time?
6:06
Jim Sabellico: Like, where do you go from here?
6:08
Jim Sabellico: Uh so you know, being present in that moment, super difficult thing to do.
6:15
Jim Sabellico: Uh obviously I'm I'm grateful for it now, but you know, standing there, it's it's a very lonely place.
6:26
Jeanne: And I bet when you were standing there and your son was looking at you going, Oh, dad, I'm so glad you're home.
6:31
Jeanne: I'm so glad you're home.
6:32
Jeanne: No condemnation coming from him at all, and that just gets you even harder.
6:38
Jim Sabellico: Yeah.
6:39
Jim Sabellico: And I mean it's difficult when you look at from the kid perspective, right?
6:43
Jim Sabellico: Because six-year-old kid, he's not thinking about you know that stuff.
6:46
Jim Sabellico: For him, it's relatively normal, right?
6:48
Jim Sabellico: He's used to dad goes to work before I wake up and comes home, I'm ready for bed.
6:53
Jim Sabellico: That was normal for him.
6:55
Jim Sabellico: Um, so he didn't necessarily know otherwise.
6:58
Jim Sabellico: He didn't say, hey, dad's always here, and he just had missed my birthday and he was devastated.
7:02
Jim Sabellico: It was just normal life.
7:04
Jim Sabellico: And to be honest, I think that's even worse, right?
7:06
Jim Sabellico: When when that's their definition of normal, is you not being around.
7:12
Jeanne: Ooh, that does hit hard.
7:15
Jeanne: Wow.
7:16
Jeanne: I remember my son when I was working really hard on a project, and um, I I just was still on the computer, and I didn't even realize how long I was still on the computer.
7:26
Jeanne: I was working remote at the time, and I had a team that was, you know, in Pennsylvania and Texas and in New York City.
7:33
Jeanne: And um, we were just really busy, and he came over and said, Mom, I'm really hungry.
7:40
Jeanne: And I said, Well, I'll um I'm gonna make dinner in a little while.
7:44
Jeanne: And he says, It's seven o'clock.
7:46
Jeanne: And I felt awful.
7:49
Jeanne: Oh, that was kind of a big turning point for me, but I still kept working, but I did try to pull it in some.
7:56
Jeanne: But yeah, I can I can sympathize with that feeling.
8:00
Jim Sabellico: Yeah.
8:02
Jeanne: You talked openly about being on the edge of divorce and being overweight, having kids who really didn't know you, all while the business looked great from the outside.
8:11
Jeanne: What was the hardest part of holding both of those realities at the same time?
8:18
Jim Sabellico: I would say probably initially taking responsibility for it.
8:22
Jim Sabellico: Um, you know, especially when you spend so long looking at yourself as a successful person.
8:28
Jim Sabellico: Uh, you don't want to look at yourself as a failure in any area, and you don't want to be the one to take responsibility for, hey, maybe I should have showed up better.
8:37
Jim Sabellico: Um looking at kind of how you show up for yourself, for your family, I think it's a really difficult thing to do, especially in that moment when you kind of feel lost already.
8:51
Jim Sabellico: Because you don't want to look at yourself as less than.
8:55
Jim Sabellico: You don't want to look at yourself and say, you know, hey, guess what?
8:59
Jim Sabellico: You're not in the best shape.
9:00
Jim Sabellico: Uh, you don't have the greatest marriage.
9:02
Jim Sabellico: Because it it feels almost like you know, you're pouring salt in the wound.
9:06
Jim Sabellico: But the reality of it is, you know, if you can be honest with yourself and do it from a place of love, it doesn't need to be, hey, I'm the worst uh and tear yourself down, but just at least understand, hey, what's my starting point?
9:20
Jim Sabellico: Like, where am I at, truly, and to understand, hey, maybe my relationship isn't the best, maybe my spiritual health isn't the best.
9:29
Jim Sabellico: Okay, now what?
9:31
Jim Sabellico: Like, let's start from there and and do something better about it.
9:34
Jim Sabellico: But uh, you know, I I think the hardest part is really having that honest conversation with yourself, especially in that moment, to really understand where are you and how you know, how should you prioritize your time moving forward to not be in that spot anymore.
9:54
Jeanne: Right.
9:55
Jeanne: That had to be really tough because I mean, you've been working for a while, you knew your your routine, even though your routine was long and you committed to a lot of hours and so forth, and to a lot of people that were working for you.
10:08
Jeanne: Um, but you did have to re redefine what success looked like for you, and I guess that was your first real shift.
10:15
Jeanne: So how did you start redefining that success?
10:19
Jeanne: I mean, because you had businesses, so you had to do something, you had to sell them or whatever.
10:24
Jeanne: So, how did that start?
10:25
Jeanne: How did what did you do?
10:27
Jim Sabellico: Uh well, immediately number one was be angry, uh, you know, if we're being honest.
10:32
Jim Sabellico: So it was just angry at my wife for, hey, how dare you not wait for me while I'm out working hard and providing for our family, that sort of thing.
10:42
Jim Sabellico: Um I was angry at my clients for paying me money and giving me more work to do, which sounds insane, but you know, you're sitting there being upset that you have so much, so much uh, you know, work going on in your business.
10:56
Jim Sabellico: And it was an awkward first couple weeks.
11:00
Jim Sabellico: Um, because again, I you know, I think I was really hiding from that conversation with myself.
11:05
Jim Sabellico: But getting around what I call a picture of possibility, so getting around a mentor for me, someone who was living the life that I wanted at that point, right?
11:19
Jim Sabellico: And and being able to spend some time with them to look behind the scenes and see how do they show up in business and what does their relationship look like with their kids, with their family, what's their health look like?
11:30
Jim Sabellico: Uh just getting to spend some time around someone else to show you that it's possible for me kind of gave me permission to chase the same thing.
11:41
Jim Sabellico: And it's a tremendous reason why I still do this to this day and have these conversations is to to hopefully be that for somebody else, where they can say, Hey, it's possible for me too.
11:52
Jim Sabellico: I don't have to live this way.
11:53
Jim Sabellico: Uh that guy figured it out, and and to be very clear, not to say that that guy has all the answers, but it was possible for that guy, so it could be possible for me.
12:04
Jim Sabellico: And I think that's the part that I really want people to hear.
12:08
Jim Sabellico: In no way am I saying I hold all of the answers to solve all your problems.
12:13
Jim Sabellico: Nobody does.
12:15
Jim Sabellico: Okay, everyone's got their own unique journey, and no matter what journey you're on, there is a path for you.
12:23
Jim Sabellico: I don't know it.
12:24
Jim Sabellico: Okay, and anyone who tells you they know it is lying to you to sell you something just to be odd.
12:29
Jim Sabellico: But what you can do is spend some time around people who've gone down that path for themselves, figured some things out, because it it becomes possible, right?
12:40
Jim Sabellico: It's it's the four-minute mile that no one thought anyone could ever run a mile in under four minutes until someone did.
12:45
Jim Sabellico: And then once they did, how many more people began to do the same thing because they saw that it was possible?
12:51
Jim Sabellico: And uh for me, that was the biggest turning point was was really understanding that it is possible to still crush in business and do all these awesome things, but not at the expense of showing up in your own life.
13:03
Jeanne: Yeah, that's fantastic.
13:05
Jeanne: And I'm sure you have really good advice and are a good mentor.
13:09
Jeanne: I um I feel like I waited really long in my career before I even just tried to understand that.
13:16
Jeanne: And then I started this podcast because I decided enough is enough.
13:21
Jeanne: And I wanted to do the same thing.
13:23
Jeanne: I wanted to show people that there are positive people out there, there are people living their life and enjoying themselves.
13:29
Jeanne: You just don't see it.
13:30
Jeanne: I mean, you're you go into your house and your neighbors close their doors, you close your door.
13:34
Jeanne: I mean, a lot of times you just don't see it, especially in your work, and like you said, you were working, and then like I know I was working.
13:41
Jeanne: So I think what you're doing is fantastic um in being a good role model for others.
13:47
Jeanne: I'm sure it's good for your kids as well.
13:50
Jim Sabellico: Yeah, it's um, you know, it's it's a bit of a struggle, to be honest, because you know, you wanna uh much to what I said before, right?
13:59
Jim Sabellico: You want to give them a definition of normal that is gonna help them in life, but you also don't want to overexpose them to stuff too young.
14:07
Jim Sabellico: So just trying to, you know, guide them into, hey, this is what real life looks like.
14:12
Jim Sabellico: And yes, it's okay for mom and dad to struggle, right?
14:14
Jim Sabellico: Mom and dad can have a disagreement.
14:17
Jim Sabellico: You know, you can't hide that from them.
14:19
Jim Sabellico: You want to show them what it looks like to have a healthy relationship, and sometimes healthy relationships involve discussions, right?
14:25
Jim Sabellico: It involves not agreeing on a certain topic, and hey, how do you process that?
14:29
Jim Sabellico: What does it look like?
14:31
Jim Sabellico: And uh, you know, doing your best to be authentic and show them what it looks like to live with integrity um a lot of times is super uncomfortable.
14:44
Jim Sabellico: But I think it's one of the greatest gifts you can ever give them.
14:49
Jeanne: Yeah, that's true.
14:50
Jeanne: That is hard.
14:51
Jeanne: Trying to give life lessons to your kids is difficult.
14:55
Jeanne: Um I used to have a book that I did with my son.
15:00
Jeanne: It uh was like different scenarios, like how would you show up in this, you know, in this scenario?
15:07
Jeanne: Like somebody opens a back door to a theater and um says, Come on in, watch the movie.
15:14
Jeanne: And when he told me, Oh yeah, I'm all in, I don't do it.
15:20
Jeanne: I was like, okay, now what do I do?
15:22
Jeanne: So I get the pressures of that.
15:26
Jeanne: So now though, oh go ahead.
15:30
Jim Sabellico: I want to hear I think the best thing for that is is really just for them to be able to see you do it, right?
15:36
Jim Sabellico: For them to see what it looks like when mom or dad, you know, comes across the situation, how do they handle it?
15:42
Jim Sabellico: And uh, you know, it's it's the whole reason why I encourage people to show up for themselves first.
15:46
Jim Sabellico: It's much easier for your kids to see how you show up than to listen to whatever you tell them.
15:54
Jim Sabellico: Um, it might work moderately well at a young age, right, when they're under 10 years old.
16:00
Jim Sabellico: But kind of as they grow up and they realize, like, hey man, uh you say I should do this, but when you're in that situation, that's not what you do, right?
16:09
Jim Sabellico: And then there's gonna come a certain point where they're gonna realize you don't necessarily do the same things you say they should do.
16:16
Jim Sabellico: And uh I'm not at that point, right?
16:19
Jim Sabellico: And Lord willing, I continue to live with enough integrity that my kids don't don't see that ever happen from me.
16:26
Jim Sabellico: And if they do, I hope that they call it out, and I'm I'm confident that they would.
16:29
Jim Sabellico: That's wonderful.
16:31
Jim Sabellico: You know, I I do imagine that's where a lot of relationships between parent and child start to veer off.
16:38
Jim Sabellico: Um you know, doing what you say and honoring your word, living with integrity and core values, is super uncomfortable, right?
16:50
Jim Sabellico: It's it's not always convenient for you to have to deal with having core values and making decisions based on them when it would be easier to go with the flow.
16:59
Jim Sabellico: But I think the the long-term benefit of that uh you know can't be missed.
17:07
Jeanne: Absolutely.
17:07
Jeanne: And I, you know, I'm throwing in another question I didn't even intend to ask you, but I did have an interview, um, a podcast with a guest that talked about loving yourself.
17:17
Jeanne: And that was something it's hard to teach your kids too, because then it's got a borderline of being um egotistical, you know, love yourself.
17:26
Jeanne: But she came up with this really great thing that her dad said um that he always taught her that how can you love your neighbors as yourself unless you love yourself, because you have to love yourself, otherwise you don't understand what you're doing to your neighbors.
17:43
Jeanne: So I I really appreciated her saying that.
17:47
Jeanne: And I think that's kind of where you're going to, you know, show up for your kids and show them how to do these things.
17:53
Jeanne: Now you're working with high achievers every day, and what do you see most often, the things they keep chasing, that if you ask them honestly, isn't really what they want?
18:06
Jim Sabellico: So I would say in almost all cases, they're still somebody's kid.
18:13
Jim Sabellico: And I think for a lot of us, right, there there's no instruction manual for life, right?
18:20
Jim Sabellico: We're just figuring this out.
18:21
Jim Sabellico: And you know, I I think as a as a kid yourself, you sort of look to your parents and think they've got the answers.
18:29
Jim Sabellico: And at some point you imagine, hey, when you're that age, you'll know the answer too.
18:34
Jim Sabellico: And little by little time moves on, and next thing you know, you're 40, 50 years old, and you realize like you're still figuring it out.
18:43
Jim Sabellico: And I think for all of us, uh, and especially you know, people I work with, uh I tend to notice that they're still struggling with things that they just never really processed.
18:55
Jim Sabellico: Whether it's um you know not feeling seen and heard as who they are, uh they're looking for that approval, they're looking for that validation for, hey, it's okay for you to go and do X, Y, and Z.
19:07
Jim Sabellico: Uh, you know, it just to me uh the parallels between how I see my own kids show up in the world and and some of the ways that I see some of these people show up and some of the struggles that that they bear are very much the same.
19:23
Jim Sabellico: And uh, you know, I like to tell the story of my daughter in the swimming pool and standing on the diving board, and she'll say, Hey dad, watch me do this jump.
19:35
Jim Sabellico: And she'll jump off the diving board, dive into the pool, and as soon as she comes up, what do you think the first thing that she's gonna do is?
19:44
Jim Sabellico: She's gonna look back at you to make sure that you were watching.
19:48
Jim Sabellico: And I feel like there are so many adults right now who are still that little kid in the pool, who are waiting for someone else to validate and see them exist in the world, right?
19:58
Jim Sabellico: They want that validation.
19:59
Jim Sabellico: That's why a lot of people post their life on social media, they want those thumbs ups because they want to s feel seen from other people, they want to be heard.
20:08
Jim Sabellico: And uh, you know, I think when you can address that for someone and you can help them truly feel seen and heard for who they are, not what they can do, right?
20:17
Jim Sabellico: Not what they offer, not this transactional stuff, but like truly on a deeper level.
20:21
Jim Sabellico: Hey, who is this person really?
20:23
Jim Sabellico: Then I think you've got a good foundation to build from.
20:28
Jim Sabellico: Um, because you know, you're not seeking that from the outside world anymore, right?
20:32
Jim Sabellico: You you feel loved, appreciated, seen, and heard as who you are, but it gives you this freedom to continue to push as you, right?
20:42
Jim Sabellico: Because you don't need the world to see you anymore.
20:45
Jim Sabellico: You you're good.
20:46
Jim Sabellico: Uh it gives you again that freedom to really start to show up as you uh and not worry about, hey, what's this person gonna say?
20:56
Jim Sabellico: What's that person gonna say?
20:59
Jeanne: Well, I love that observation about your daughter.
21:02
Jeanne: I I was thinking, what would she say when she came out like yay?
21:05
Jeanne: But I like what you say.
21:07
Jeanne: She's looking back for validation and see, make sure you watched her.
21:10
Jeanne: And how many times do people have the cell phone ring and then they turn their back and do something else?
21:17
Jeanne: Um, when when she would come up thinking, do you see how wonderful that was, Dad?
21:22
Jeanne: That's that's an amazing story.
21:24
Jeanne: You should tell that a lot because I love it.
21:27
Jeanne: It and you know, it makes me think of people when I was building teams.
21:33
Jeanne: Um, there was a lot of people that like those moments of validation, affirmation, but it goes along with love languages too.
21:40
Jeanne: Then there were some that go, ah, don't bother me with that, give me some kind of award or um just be nice to me, you know, give me a hug.
21:49
Jeanne: You know, it would they're all of those things that play into the factors of how people respond and how they show up.
21:56
Jeanne: But I love that story.
21:58
Jeanne: Thank you for sharing.
22:00
Jim Sabellico: Of course.
22:01
Jeanne: Um, if someone is listening right now and standing in front of their own half a cake, they've built something real, but something is missing, what's the first honest conversation they need to have with themselves?
22:17
Jim Sabellico: Who are you?
22:18
Jim Sabellico: Really, truly, who are you who are you designed to be and how closely are you aligned with that version of yourself?
22:25
Jim Sabellico: And I think a lot of people will find A, they have no idea you know who they really are.
22:33
Jim Sabellico: Um, you know, a lot of us we tend to kind of quiet that part of our mind as we get older and just do the things we have to do to get through the day.
22:43
Jim Sabellico: Uh, you know, you'll take a job that will make you money, and it may not be your passion.
22:47
Jim Sabellico: In most cases it's not.
22:49
Jim Sabellico: You'll kind of go through the motions day after day, just kind of you know, keeping up with whatever you have to do and the bills and the routine of whatever you know everyday life is.
22:58
Jim Sabellico: And I think for for most people, you know, you're gonna start to find A, you have no clue who you truly are anymore.
23:10
Jim Sabellico: Right?
23:10
Jim Sabellico: You've become this kind of sanitized version of yourself to just exist through through the day.
23:15
Jim Sabellico: Uh and if you do know who you are, how closely are you actually operating in that space?
23:22
Jim Sabellico: Right.
23:22
Jim Sabellico: Most people I I think there's a very big gap between that.
23:26
Jim Sabellico: If they do know who they are, if they do know what lights them up, but they're not truly living in that space, uh, again, because maybe they're forced to spend their time doing something else and they don't spend enough time, you know, trying to get back to center.
23:38
Jim Sabellico: That's uh, you know, I I think the biggest question.
23:41
Jim Sabellico: And um again, it's a question that I think a lot of people are afraid to answer because it it feels real.
23:47
Jim Sabellico: Um, you know, I would equate it to your tooth hurts, right?
23:52
Jim Sabellico: But you're afraid to go to the dentist because the dentist tells you, hey, the reason it hurts is because you need a root canal.
23:59
Jim Sabellico: Uh if the dentist never tells you that, it you know, it's just a minor problem, it'll go away on its own.
24:03
Jim Sabellico: Um so you know, I I think a lot of people apply that same type of logic, if you will, to their own life, right?
24:12
Jim Sabellico: If if I don't acknowledge the fact that, yeah, maybe I'm not the happiest, uh, maybe I'm not working in my passion, maybe I'm not feeling fulfilled, then I don't have to worry about it.
24:21
Jim Sabellico: Uh, because you know, I think once you do know that, and once you're aware of it, then you feel some obligation to to take a step in that direction.
24:28
Jim Sabellico: And that can be scary.
24:31
Jeanne: Right.
24:31
Jeanne: That old saying, the truth hurts sometimes when you look at yourself, that's what you see.
24:37
Jeanne: Yeah.
24:37
Jeanne: You just want to cover it up still.
24:40
Jeanne: Uh well, that that's great advice.
24:43
Jeanne: And um, I know you gave me this wonderful quote, and it's funny in a way, but I want to bring that up now because I want you to talk a little bit about it.
24:51
Jeanne: Because it goes along with what you're saying.
24:54
Jeanne: You told me, live in such a way that you would not be embarrassed to sell your parrot to the town gossip.
25:01
Jeanne: That is hilarious, but I love it.
25:04
Jeanne: Can you talk about it?
25:05
Jim Sabellico: I would love to.
25:06
Jim Sabellico: Um, so I mean, the concept there is, you know, to to overly explain it, um, right, you have a parrot, a parrot's gonna listen to whatever you say and watch what you do, and it's gonna mimic that activity.
25:18
Jim Sabellico: And the concept there is, you know, you're living in such a way that you wouldn't be afraid for someone else to find out your inner secrets, right?
25:25
Jim Sabellico: What goes on behind closed doors.
25:28
Jim Sabellico: And it's a difficult thing, you know, I think for a lot of people to accept because you're gonna be judged on that.
25:38
Jim Sabellico: And you're being judged on it regardless.
25:40
Jim Sabellico: Uh, you know, people are gonna judge you based on what they know about you, what they think about you, and whatever else.
25:46
Jim Sabellico: And you can't worry about that part, right?
25:51
Jim Sabellico: You have to just be you.
25:53
Jim Sabellico: And to me, it's this understanding and this concept of like, hey, you are so aligned with who you are and your core values, and the version of you that people see in front of the world, right?
26:05
Jim Sabellico: The version that you put on social media is the version of you that exists behind closed doors, right?
26:11
Jim Sabellico: And I I think for a lot of people, there is a very big mismatch there where, hey, maybe they're not the happiest person behind closed doors and they're dealing with some struggle, but they're afraid to, you know, show any uh weakness to the world or ask for help.
26:26
Jim Sabellico: Maybe they are not super happy right now and they're putting on this facade on social media about showing off their highlight reel because they want that validation.
26:37
Jeanne: Right.
26:37
Jim Sabellico: Um and I think living in that mismatch is a really dangerous place to be.
26:44
Jim Sabellico: Uh and now I want to make it super clear if you're feeling that it's not a bad thing.
26:50
Jim Sabellico: Okay, but once you understand you're feeling that staying in that spot could be dangerous.
26:57
Jeanne: Right.
26:57
Jim Sabellico: So again, super clear, very normal for people to have that kind of mismatch.
27:01
Jim Sabellico: It happens.
27:02
Jim Sabellico: Okay, it literally happened to me yesterday.
27:03
Jim Sabellico: Yesterday for me was a lost day.
27:05
Jim Sabellico: Um a variety of reasons.
27:08
Jim Sabellico: But when you can acknowledge that, right, and you can have a day where it's like, all right, cool, things are not going according to plan for whatever reason, we're gonna lean into it and it's gonna be what it is.
27:19
Jim Sabellico: Um, you know, you don't have to put on this happy face and pretend life is perfect all the time.
27:23
Jim Sabellico: You can just be you.
27:24
Jim Sabellico: And hey, sometimes life sucks.
27:26
Jim Sabellico: It's just messy.
27:27
Jim Sabellico: It is what it is.
27:28
Jim Sabellico: But you've figured out uh, you know, how to get around people who are gonna help you sort through it.
27:33
Jim Sabellico: You've figured out kind of how to uh shorten the feedback loop for how to how to deal with that.
27:38
Jim Sabellico: And and really the whole quote again just goes back down to this feeling of freedom where you're not worried about, hey, someone's gonna find out your dirty little secrets.
27:49
Jim Sabellico: It's me.
27:50
Jim Sabellico: Okay, this is me.
27:51
Jim Sabellico: And if you want to look behind the scenes and see what my life is like, it's the same version of me you're gonna find that I post on social media.
27:57
Jim Sabellico: There's no different version of Jim.
27:59
Jim Sabellico: Uh it becomes very easy to just be you because you don't have to worry about you know putting on a different mask every time you meet a different person.
28:08
Jeanne: Right.
28:08
Jeanne: I love that because I know I watched um some social media, my Facebook friends from the past, and I see their post, and I'm thinking, um, didn't I just talk to you and you say my foot hurt, my leg hurt, I'm gonna go into the hospital.
28:27
Jeanne: But the post said, Life is wonderful and everything's wonderful.
28:32
Jeanne: But you know, you don't want to call them out on it.
28:35
Jeanne: But it is a facade that people put on social media that sometimes trying to hide the pain inside.
28:43
Jeanne: Um, but I still like that quote.
28:46
Jeanne: And I thought the minute I read it, you know what I thought about was um these parrots that like come in that were in somebody's house, and the police come in and then they say, so-and-so murdered the stab somebody with the knife or whatever, because they're smart enough to know what had happened, or they'll tell on somebody that's the criminal.
29:10
Jeanne: It's just hilarious, and I loved the thought of that.
29:14
Jeanne: Um, so now's the time we transition to two truths and a lie.
29:21
Jeanne: We're gonna find out a little more personal stuff about this.
29:23
Jeanne: It was all very personal, and I appreciate you sharing, but I'm gonna find out some funny facts about your life.
29:28
Jeanne: You ready to go?
29:30
Jim Sabellico: I'm ready.
29:31
Jeanne: This episode is sponsored by Rebel 180, the home of brave pivots and fresh starts.
29:36
Jeanne: Rebel 180 is all about helping you rediscover what's possible when you stop settling and start listening to that little tug inside that says, life can be different.
29:46
Jeanne: Whether you're navigating a career shift, dreaming about a new direction, or standing at the crossroads wondering if it's time for your own 180-degree turn, Rebel 180 is a reminder.
29:58
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30:01
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30:32
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30:38
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30:40
Jeanne: The guest has provided me with three headlines about himself that two are true and one is uh either a twisted truth, uh kind of truth, or just an out and out lie.
30:55
Jeanne: I'm gonna guess which one I think is the lie, and then we're gonna let Jim go through each of these headlines and then uh explain them and then not tell us the lie until the very end.
31:06
Jeanne: And I'll see if I got it right.
31:08
Jeanne: So, number one is Jim has never chewed a piece of gum in his entire life.
31:13
Jeanne: Jim started his, this is number two, Jim started his first business at eight years old.
31:18
Jeanne: And number three, Jim learned Mandarin to expand his business in Asia.
31:23
Jeanne: So I'm not sure which one's the lie, but I'm gonna guess three.
31:27
Jeanne: That is a really hard thing to do.
31:29
Jeanne: So he hasn't really broken out into any Mandarin or any like uh sayings or anything from Chinese proverbs.
31:36
Jeanne: So I'm gonna say three is a lie.
31:39
Jeanne: So don't tell me.
31:40
Jeanne: Start giving us these rundown on the stories.
31:43
Jeanne: Number one, chewing chewing gum.
31:47
Jim Sabellico: Chewing gum.
31:48
Jim Sabellico: Uh, so for me, I very much dislike the sound of people chewing gum with their mouth open.
31:58
Jim Sabellico: Um I tend to find it an activity that doesn't really do anything.
32:03
Jim Sabellico: Um, you know, you're not getting any real nutritional value from it.
32:06
Jim Sabellico: It's really just this obnoxious sound.
32:09
Jim Sabellico: Obviously, it's not everybody, but as a kid, it really just turned me off.
32:14
Jim Sabellico: Uh, and then you'd find gum stuck under a table or something, and like the whole activity for me just irked me.
32:20
Jim Sabellico: Uh, and then I got to a certain age where uh you know I've gone this long without ever doing it, it just kind of became a thing.
32:26
Jim Sabellico: So um I will tell you that is 100% true.
32:29
Jeanne: Don't tell us the lie though.
32:31
Jim Sabellico: Oh, okay.
32:31
Jeanne: Not till the end.
32:32
Jeanne: But if that's 100% true, uh that's good.
32:34
Jeanne: I can imagine when you would go out on your first dates and stuff, and a girl comes into the car or you pick her up and she's chewing gum.
32:43
Jeanne: Oh, what would you do?
32:47
Jim Sabellico: Bye-bye, baby.
32:49
Jim Sabellico: Number two, uh, starting my first business at the age of eight.
32:54
Jim Sabellico: So as a young kid, home in the summertime, looking for something to do, um, rather than sit at home and do nothing, uh I decided to grab the family lawn mower and walk around the neighborhood and cut grass.
33:08
Jim Sabellico: So that uh that's cool.
33:10
Jim Sabellico: That's kind of the story behind that factoid.
33:14
Jeanne: That's kind of young.
33:15
Jeanne: Your parents would let you be mowing at eight.
33:19
Jeanne: I mean, because they're always talking about getting hurt and was it a electric mower or a hand crank?
33:27
Jim Sabellico: I would say a bit of a different time uh at that point.
33:29
Jim Sabellico: But uh, you know, I had a older brother and older sister who were supposed to be watching me during the summer, but uh based on how much older they were, uh they were hanging out with their friends.
33:40
Jim Sabellico: So I was, you know, I was home around uh looking for something to do productive, and uh that was my that was my decision.
33:48
Jeanne: That was yours too.
33:49
Jeanne: Okay.
33:51
Jeanne: So um then number three about the Mandarin.
33:58
Jeanne: Wasn't there more to number two?
34:00
Jeanne: I gotta go back.
34:01
Jeanne: When I talked to you before, wasn't there more to that story?
34:04
Jim Sabellico: I mean, you know, I could probably go on for all three of these for you know a long time.
34:09
Jim Sabellico: Oh, okay.
34:10
Jeanne: I thought that was did you get hurt while you were mowing?
34:13
Jeanne: No.
34:14
Jeanne: Okay,
34:14
Jim Sabellico: I never did.
34:15
Jeanne: All right, that's good then.
34:17
Jim Sabellico: Yes.
34:17
Jim Sabellico: Uh
34:18
Jeanne: All right, The Mandarin.
34:19
Jim Sabellico: The Mandarin, I am actually partners in a in a sushi restaurant, uh, which is an odd curveball for my resume.
34:28
Jim Sabellico: But uh I studied Chinese for the sake of you know being able to communicate at least some some simple things.
34:39
Jim Sabellico: Uh Xibing Cha is this is iced tea.
34:41
Jim Sabellico: Um, you know, there are some simple phrases which will break out uh from time to time.
34:47
Jim Sabellico: But uh yeah, that's that's kind of the story behind that one.
34:52
Jeanne: When you say this is iced tea, what do you do?
34:54
Jeanne: Like I'm in the south.
34:55
Jeanne: You say this is sweet tea, this is unsweet tea.
34:59
Jim Sabellico: Oh yeah, we uh it's just iced tea.
35:02
Jim Sabellico: It's really as far as I think.
35:04
Jeanne: Yeah, yeah, I I know.
35:05
Jeanne: I had um mother-in-law that came down from Indiana and she ordered tea and she did not expect it to have sugar in it.
35:13
Jeanne: So that's always been my thing now.
35:16
Jeanne: Have to validate it.
35:18
Jeanne: Um okay, so those are interesting stories.
35:23
Jeanne: Uh which one's the lie?
35:25
Jeanne: Did I get it right?
35:26
Jim Sabellico: You did.
35:27
Jim Sabellico: Uh it was definitely not to expand business in Asia.
35:30
Jim Sabellico: So that is the lie.
35:33
Jeanne: So your sushi restaurant, do you have it now?
35:37
Jim Sabellico: Yep.
35:38
Jeanne: Oh, very good.
35:38
Jeanne: What's your favorite roll?
35:40
Jeanne: Sushi restaurant.
35:41
Jim Sabellico: Um I tend to go with uh it's called the we call it the python.
35:46
Jim Sabellico: It's uh shrimp and salmon.
35:48
Jim Sabellico: It's like a riceless roll, so it's uh shrimp tempura wrapped with salmon.
35:53
Jim Sabellico: I enjoy it.
35:54
Jeanne: Oh, okay.
35:55
Jeanne: Does everybody have those?
35:57
Jeanne: I don't know.
35:57
Jeanne: I haven't tried that one.
35:59
Speaker: Uh no.
36:00
Speaker: I mean, everyone's got there's so many different varieties.
36:02
Speaker: Uh everyone kind of remixes ingredients to make their own.
36:06
Jeanne: Yeah, I would like to find a uh riceless one.
36:09
Jeanne: I I like sushi.
36:10
Jeanne: Well, that's exciting.
36:12
Jeanne: Well, thank you for sharing that with us.
36:14
Jeanne: I I still love the chewing gum piece.
36:16
Jeanne: That's just funny.
36:17
Jeanne: I've never heard anybody that says they've never done that.
36:19
Jeanne: So, for um those listening, I know that you're probably really enjoying Jim and what he has to say and don't want to stop listening to him.
36:28
Jeanne: So I want to tell you how you can get in touch with them.
36:31
Jeanne: So I'm gonna roll the screen down here.
36:33
Jeanne: And again, here's this great quote about the parrot.
36:37
Jeanne: Um, but here's all his contact information.
36:40
Jeanne: And you can get in touch with him in any of these places.
36:44
Jeanne: Um, Jim, do you want to let people know how to get in touch with you otherwise?
36:48
Jim Sabellico: Yeah, I mean, I think you kind of have it all really right there.
36:52
Jim Sabellico: Um, I would just you know encourage if you are in a spot where you have a question, um, you know, you're looking for someone to even lean on, uh, please feel free to shout.
37:01
Jim Sabellico: You know, I would I would love to uh to be that person for you.
37:04
Jim Sabellico: Um you know, and again, it doesn't need to be anything super serious and official, uh, even if it's just, hey, you're in a rough spot and you just need someone to vent to, uh, by all means, uh my message channels are open.
37:17
Jim Sabellico: So uh please feel free to do that.
37:19
Jim Sabellico: And uh I just think it's important that that we all do it together.
37:25
Jim Sabellico: Um it could get really heavy really fast if you try and do it alone.
37:32
Jim Sabellico: So um again, just encouragement.
37:34
Jim Sabellico: Never feel like you're in it alone.
37:38
Jeanne: Fantastic.
37:39
Jeanne: And I think that's great that you're offering to just mentor people, just reach out.
37:44
Jeanne: And I hope that you guys will reach out with Jim.
37:47
Jeanne: I know his message has resonated with a lot of listeners today.
37:51
Jeanne: Um, what I would like to say is um thank you very much for being on the show and giving us your time.
37:59
Jeanne: Um, for those listening, I hope you will join us again uh next week for another wonderful guest.
38:05
Jeanne: And until then, uh from your Admiral of the Unexpected, I wish you all smooth sailing.
38:11
Jeanne: Bye.
38:12
Jeanne: Thanks for joining me on Project Candor, where the doors are open, the stories are unexpected, and the treasure is always real.
38:21
Jeanne: If today's episode made you laugh or think, follow the show and share it with your crew.
38:27
Jeanne: Otherwise, I might just make you swab the deck.
38:30
Jeanne: I'm Jeanne Andersen, your Admiral of the Unexpected.
38:34
Jeanne: See you on the next Voyager.