Latest / Reverse Jackass / Ep33: Nick's watch costs more than your car; Evelyn gives the pep talk nobody asked for.

Transcript

Ep33: Nick's watch costs more than your car; Evelyn gives the pep talk nobody asked for. · Reverse Jackass

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_02: It's reverse So, folks, welcome back to the Reverse Jackass Podcast, the podcast to bring peace between the U.S.
• 0:14
  SPEAKER_02: and Canada.
• 0:14
  SPEAKER_02: I'm Nick.
• 0:15
  SPEAKER_02: With me as always is Evelyn, the Canadian Blade.
• 0:18
  SPEAKER_02: Hello, Evelyn.
• 0:19
  SPEAKER_02: Hello.
• 0:19
  SPEAKER_02: It's just so great to be here again.
• 0:21
  SPEAKER_02: It's great to be here again.
• 0:23
  SPEAKER_02: Um, and I want to talk to you about something really timely and important.
• 0:27
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 0:27
  SPEAKER_02: Last week, I asked, and you were kind enough to indulge me, I asked you to watch the uh Alec Baldwin's monologue from American cinematic classic Glengarry Glen Ross, based on the play Glengarry Glenn Ross by David Mammoth.
• 0:41
  SPEAKER_02: By profane, shitty, right-wing, talented, genius playwright David Mammoth, right?
• 0:46
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah.
• 0:46
  SPEAKER_02: And I did.
• 0:47
  SPEAKER_02: I watched it.
• 0:48
  SPEAKER_02: And do you do you remember the acronym?
• 0:51
  SPEAKER_02: Speaking of acronyms, do you remember the acronym that Alec Baldwin?
• 0:54
  SPEAKER_02: He has two of them, actually, but there's one that it's known for, ABC.
• 0:57
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 0:58
  SPEAKER_02: And what does ABC stand for?
• 1:00
  SPEAKER_02: Always be closing.
• 1:01
  SPEAKER_02: Always be closing.
• 1:03
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 1:03
  SPEAKER_02: Who gets coffee, Evelyn?
• 1:05
  SPEAKER_02: Who gets coffee in the real estate office?
• 1:06
  SPEAKER_02: Closers.
• 1:07
  SPEAKER_02: Closers.
• 1:08
  SPEAKER_02: Coffee is for closers, right?
• 1:11
  SPEAKER_02: Always be closing.
• 1:13
  SPEAKER_02: ABC.
• 1:13
  SPEAKER_02: Uh-huh.
• 1:14
  SPEAKER_02: Yep.
• 1:14
  SPEAKER_02: How much does the guys uh how much does Alec Baldwin's watch cost?
• 1:19
  SPEAKER_00: Oh no.
• 1:20
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, I don't remember.
• 1:22
  SPEAKER_02: Or the Ned Harris' car.
• 1:24
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, okay.
• 1:25
  SPEAKER_02: That's how much, right?
• 1:26
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 1:27
  SPEAKER_02: Alec Baldwin comes down.
• 1:28
  SPEAKER_02: For those of you who haven't seen it, I highly recommend watching Alec Baldwin's monologue from Glive Gary Glen Ross.
• 1:32
  SPEAKER_02: He comes on a mission of mercy from Mitch and Murray downtown to give these salesmen a pep talk to tell them that they need to close those sales with the shitty leads that they had before they will get access to the good leads, right?
• 1:47
  SPEAKER_02: It's a it's a hell of a thing.
• 1:49
  SPEAKER_02: So my question for you, Evelyn, is this Oh no.
• 1:52
  SPEAKER_02: Music teacher, Mrs.
• 1:54
  SPEAKER_02: Flanagan, bursts through the door of the high school into the music conservatory or off room or whatever room it is that you get to teach at.
• 2:02
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 2:03
  SPEAKER_02: And she stalks up to the chalkboard and she writes A B C.
• 2:08
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 2:09
  SPEAKER_02: And she gets her pointer out and she goes, A, B, C.
• 2:12
  SPEAKER_02: What does that stand for for music teacher Mrs.
• 2:15
  SPEAKER_02: Flanagan?
• 2:16
  SPEAKER_01: In my classroom.
• 2:16
  SPEAKER_02: It can't be always B or closing.
• 2:18
  SPEAKER_02: Yes.
• 2:19
  SPEAKER_02: What is the what is the nasty, what is the nasty, cruel, aggressive pitch that you're giving those kids where the acronym is A B C.
• 2:26
  SPEAKER_01: So I can't, I can't use any of the original words.
• 2:29
  SPEAKER_02: You uh if I'm gonna call you on it if I feel like you're just like always be composing, right?
• 2:35
  SPEAKER_02: If one of them happens to be B, I'm not gonna be worried about it.
• 2:38
  SPEAKER_02: But like, yeah.
• 2:39
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 2:41
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, this is great.
• 2:43
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 2:43
  SPEAKER_01: I do love things like this.
• 2:45
  SPEAKER_01: I'm trying to get into the I'm I'm getting back into my teacher mindset.
• 2:49
  SPEAKER_01: I'm walking, I'm just trundling down the hall.
• 2:54
  SPEAKER_02: Um I don't think Alec Baldwin trundled.
• 2:56
  SPEAKER_02: No, well, he well, that's I'm trying that's more of my posture.
• 3:00
  SPEAKER_02: I feel like I know, but this is the point is you're inhabiting, you're inhabiting this nasty, um driven, expensive watch wearing condescending sales manager.
• 3:11
  SPEAKER_01: Barely a departure from my current self.
• 3:14
  SPEAKER_02: I can oh yeah, no, I knew you'd step right into this.
• 3:17
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah.
• 3:18
  SPEAKER_01: That's right.
• 3:18
  SPEAKER_01: This isn't gonna take any stretching at all.
• 3:20
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, if I had to lay in to the 28 grade nines in front of me, uh-huh, and I had to say something to them, and I and I could fire them if they didn't do it.
• 3:30
  SPEAKER_01: Oh yeah.
• 3:31
  SPEAKER_01: Do you have one in mind?
• 3:32
  SPEAKER_01: I don't want to hear it, but I want to know did you have something, or is you just came in like blank prompt?
• 3:36
  SPEAKER_02: No, and in fact, I really thought about like giving you different letters of the alphabet.
• 3:40
  SPEAKER_02: Um, but I I thought about doing D E F, but then I thought EF is Evelyn Flanagan, and I didn't want to give you such an easy out.
• 3:45
  SPEAKER_02: And I thought, and then there's other things that like I, you know, PQR is pretty fucked up.
• 3:49
  SPEAKER_02: So I just thought, like, we'll just do ABC and then maybe if we have enough time, we can you can do it in the style of Alec Baldwin.
• 3:56
  SPEAKER_02: You can be like, you could be like, who am I?
• 3:58
  SPEAKER_02: My classical guitar costs more than your fucking car.
• 4:03
  SPEAKER_02: It might, actually.
• 4:04
  SPEAKER_02: It just it just might be.
• 4:06
  SPEAKER_02: Second prize is a capo.
• 4:07
  SPEAKER_01: Second prize is a capo.
• 4:09
  SPEAKER_01: Second prize is a wood block is a footstool, which is what we used.
• 4:14
  SPEAKER_02: Sure.
• 4:15
  SPEAKER_02: First prize is a set of hot crossbuns.
• 4:17
  SPEAKER_02: Second prize is a capo.
• 4:19
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, okay.
• 4:20
  SPEAKER_01: I think I'm on to something.
• 4:21
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 4:22
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, now I'm stuck on the C.
• 4:24
  SPEAKER_01: You sound like Captain Ahab.
• 4:28
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 4:28
  SPEAKER_01: What are you, the ancient mariner?
• 4:30
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 4:30
  SPEAKER_01: This needs context.
• 4:31
  SPEAKER_01: And I I need to reuse the word closing, but in a different context.
• 4:36
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 4:36
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 4:37
  SPEAKER_01: So I want to say, I would come in there and I would say A B C Ask before closing.
• 4:46
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm going to tell you why.
• 4:47
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 4:48
  SPEAKER_01: In grade nine guitar, the look on your face tells me I'm going to have to sell this hard.
• 4:52
  SPEAKER_02: You're going to have to sell this hard.
• 4:53
  SPEAKER_02: And just know that you're going to have to do the Alec Baldwin version of it in a minute.
• 4:57
  SPEAKER_01: So gosh.
• 4:58
  SPEAKER_02: So give us the context that you need, but be prepared that you're going to have to come in on a mission of mercy from Mitch and Murray downtown.
• 5:03
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 5:04
  SPEAKER_01: Ask before closing.
• 5:06
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 5:06
  SPEAKER_01: Because in grade nine guitar, the first couple days, the first week is me drilling in the routine with 28 to 30, 13 and 14-year-olds, mostly boys, in that class who are itching to get their dirty little fingies on that guitar.
• 5:26
  SPEAKER_01: And it's all classical guitars.
• 5:27
  SPEAKER_01: So we supply the guitars.
• 5:28
  SPEAKER_01: It's all classical guitars in hard cases that we teach them to how to get it out of the instrument room, bring it back, put it to the right side of their chair because that way the clasps, like you don't have to reach over the guitar.
• 5:43
  SPEAKER_01: They're like right beside you.
• 5:44
  SPEAKER_01: So the clasps to the case.
• 5:46
  SPEAKER_01: This required lesson time.
• 5:48
  SPEAKER_01: You don't understand the damage that could be done.
• 5:52
  SPEAKER_01: Because, like, so this this was like days where I would reenact this at the beginning of every class.
• 5:58
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, we'd go in, I'd put the guitar down to my right hand side, and I would say, and then I don't touch the guitar until Mrs.
• 6:04
  SPEAKER_01: Flanagan tells me I can.
• 6:06
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 6:07
  SPEAKER_01: Because here's the problem.
• 6:08
  SPEAKER_01: What happens is if a kid isn't paying attention and they're just putting the guitar case wherever, and then they put it, they put the guitar down in there and they close it, you know, in the case, but they haven't latched it up.
• 6:20
  SPEAKER_01: They pick up the handle and then the guitar spills out, right?
• 6:23
  SPEAKER_01: So this is asset asset damage control, is what we're talking about.
• 6:27
  SPEAKER_01: So anyway, the kid puts the guitar down to the right, the case to the right side.
• 6:30
  SPEAKER_01: Then I say, Hey, open up the latches on the guitar case.
• 6:33
  SPEAKER_01: So they do bink, bank, bink.
• 6:35
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, now take the guitar out with your right hand and put it on top of the case.
• 6:38
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, so we're putting it on top of the case.
• 6:40
  SPEAKER_01: I said, hands up, no touching, no touching, okay, we're not touching the guitar.
• 6:44
  SPEAKER_01: And then I say, Where there's where we put the wood block under your left foot.
• 6:48
  SPEAKER_01: And then I say, grab the guitar and then we talk about how to set it up.
• 6:51
  SPEAKER_01: Then I say, Okay, now take the guitar, put it on top of the case, no touching, we don't touch it, okay?
• 6:57
  SPEAKER_01: And then at the end of class, because then the guitar case is always closed, so we can put the guitar on top.
• 7:02
  SPEAKER_01: But then when we're done with it, we put it in the guitar case and close the lid.
• 7:07
  SPEAKER_01: Uh-huh.
• 7:08
  SPEAKER_01: At some point, when we've learned this routine, and this doesn't take all year, this is just like they do get a test on this.
• 7:14
  SPEAKER_01: Like I It's just the first awful day.
• 7:15
  SPEAKER_01: It's just the first awful day for all of us.
• 7:17
  SPEAKER_01: Except in my reenactment, I do make it hilarious.
• 7:21
  SPEAKER_01: But at some point, we Is there any reason you chose not to make it hilarious for this podcast?
• 7:28
  SPEAKER_01: Well, because I'd have to traips around my room.
• 7:31
  SPEAKER_01: Oh god, okay.
• 7:32
  SPEAKER_02: So it's physical comedy.
• 7:33
  SPEAKER_01: It's just physical, it's physical comedy.
• 7:35
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah.
• 7:35
  SPEAKER_01: It's really yeah, don't worry.
• 7:37
  SPEAKER_01: Like it's really funny because it involved, because obviously I was not mic'd in the classroom and the the storage room was behind us, so they had to go in, say, through like a door, like what's behind me, and then go into the room and then come back around.
• 7:50
  SPEAKER_01: I'd be screw I'd be screaming the directions from so I'd be like, okay, now I'm walking in, walking in the other room, and I'm getting the guitar.
• 7:59
  SPEAKER_01: Like I'd be screaming all these things.
• 8:01
  SPEAKER_01: So and then I could I know the kids could hear me, and now I'm walking from this room.
• 8:07
  SPEAKER_01: Like, right, okay.
• 8:08
  SPEAKER_01: I can't do that here.
• 8:08
  SPEAKER_01: You you can only imagine, right?
• 8:11
  SPEAKER_01: Of course I can't.
• 8:13
  SPEAKER_02: And you're telling me that you chose not to stick with this career.
• 8:16
  SPEAKER_02: This ultimately was not something that you wanted to do for the rest of it.
• 8:18
  SPEAKER_01: It did lend itself to adrenal burnout, right?
• 8:22
  SPEAKER_01: Uh-huh.
• 8:23
  SPEAKER_01: Adrenal fatigue, yeah.
• 8:24
  SPEAKER_01: So all of this to say, ask before closing.
• 8:28
  unknown: Okay.
• 8:28
  SPEAKER_01: Some kids would decide once we had this routine down pat, and this was something people were great about.
• 8:33
  SPEAKER_01: Like it was once we had this lockstep as well-oiled machine, it was always worth the time it took to reinforce this behavior.
• 8:41
  SPEAKER_01: But some people would take it upon themselves to just be done with playing the guitar and put the guitar in the case and close the lid and decide that was they were done for the day.
• 8:52
  SPEAKER_01: They were done for the period.
• 8:53
  SPEAKER_01: And so it would get to the point where I would just say, You you didn't ask me to put your guitar away.
• 8:59
  SPEAKER_01: You didn't ask me, well, I'm done for today.
• 9:01
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, you're not though.
• 9:02
  SPEAKER_01: You're not done.
• 9:03
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, yeah.
• 9:03
  SPEAKER_01: Actually, you're not done because we still have now the bald one's coming out because if I'm not mistaken, class is done at 9.45.
• 9:10
  SPEAKER_01: And it is, let me check my watch, my expensive watch that's more than your car.
• 9:14
  SPEAKER_01: It is 9.33.
• 9:16
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm no better at math than you are right now, sir.
• 9:22
  SPEAKER_01: But I can tell from where the hands are on the clock that you still have at least this much time to be playing your guitar.
• 9:29
  SPEAKER_01: So you didn't ask before closing your case.
• 9:31
  SPEAKER_02: And what is the what's the consequence for not asking before you close your case?
• 9:35
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, I'm just in your face until you get it out there.
• 9:38
  SPEAKER_01: Like I will, I will be in your face.
• 9:40
  SPEAKER_01: You close your case, I'm in your face.
• 9:42
  SPEAKER_01: Right?
• 9:42
  SPEAKER_01: Whoa.
• 9:43
  SPEAKER_01: Um, that's just the way it works.
• 9:44
  SPEAKER_01: I would stand not too close, but just close enough.
• 9:47
  SPEAKER_01: Sure.
• 9:48
  SPEAKER_02: No, I just meant it rhymed.
• 9:49
  SPEAKER_02: It's so catchy.
• 9:50
  SPEAKER_01: It is good, actually.
• 9:51
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 9:51
  SPEAKER_01: Close your case, I'm in your face.
• 9:53
  SPEAKER_01: Or I would just pull up a chair and sit in front of the student playing my guitar and be like, Well, if you're not playing your guitar, you're gonna watch me butcher stairway to heaven uh for the next few minutes.
• 10:02
  SPEAKER_02: Did I actually play stairway?
• 10:03
  SPEAKER_02: Was that uh okay?
• 10:04
  SPEAKER_01: I would play whatever you're I just play whatever we were playing in class.
• 10:07
  SPEAKER_02: You're like, is anybody hungry for some hot crossbuns fuckers?
• 10:11
  unknown: Woo!
• 10:15
  SPEAKER_02: Yo, give me a beat.
• 10:19
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, Evelyn.
• 10:20
  SPEAKER_02: So you've done a great job.
• 10:21
  SPEAKER_02: Uh you've you've both crafted a an acronym and you have come up with an incredible rhyme.
• 10:28
  SPEAKER_02: So now I want you to come in with all the fury of somebody who doesn't want to be there who told Mitch and Murray that they need to fire these kids and come in and set these kids straight with your ABC.
• 10:38
  SPEAKER_01: Are they paying attention?
• 10:39
  SPEAKER_02: You have to get their attention.
• 10:40
  SPEAKER_02: That's what Alec Baldwin does.
• 10:41
  SPEAKER_01: No, he asks the guy beside him, are they paying attention?
• 10:43
  SPEAKER_01: Are they all they all here?
• 10:45
  SPEAKER_01: That's what he says.
• 10:45
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, sorry.
• 10:46
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, I'm sorry.
• 10:46
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, gotcha.
• 10:47
  SPEAKER_02: I thought you were, I thought you were having having me set the scene for you.
• 10:49
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 10:49
  SPEAKER_01: Nope, nope.
• 10:50
  SPEAKER_01: Are they all here?
• 10:51
  SPEAKER_01: No?
• 10:52
  SPEAKER_01: That's okay.
• 10:52
  SPEAKER_01: I'm gonna start without them.
• 10:54
  SPEAKER_02: I love that that's the detail that's stuck.
• 10:56
  SPEAKER_02: I really did.
• 10:57
  SPEAKER_02: He checked attendance.
• 10:58
  SPEAKER_02: You're that's the teacher and you were like it's okay.
• 11:02
  SPEAKER_02: So he does roll.
• 11:02
  SPEAKER_02: He does the roll.
• 11:04
  SPEAKER_01: He does the roll call.
• 11:04
  SPEAKER_01: They're not all, they're missing one person.
• 11:06
  SPEAKER_01: It didn't matter.
• 11:07
  SPEAKER_01: And you know what?
• 11:07
  SPEAKER_01: I can tell you the amount of times I started class missing one person, incalculable for sure.
• 11:11
  SPEAKER_01: I'm coming here today because we need to set something straight.
• 11:13
  SPEAKER_01: You in the back, off the phone, eyes forward.
• 11:16
  SPEAKER_01: Let's go.
• 11:16
  SPEAKER_01: Here's what I want to know.
• 11:18
  SPEAKER_01: I want to know why we're closing our cases.
• 11:19
  SPEAKER_01: Why are we closing our guitar cases?
• 11:21
  SPEAKER_01: Why are we finishing class before the bell tells us that we're actually done class?
• 11:26
  SPEAKER_01: The bell rings at 9.45.
• 11:27
  SPEAKER_01: You, eyes up here.
• 11:28
  SPEAKER_01: The bell rings at 9.45.
• 11:30
  SPEAKER_01: And what I need to know is why our guitars are not in our hand until 9.44.56.
• 11:35
  SPEAKER_01: I see you sitting in the back there on your phone, your earbuds in, but yet your guitar is in your case.
• 11:40
  SPEAKER_01: Do you know how much that guitar costs?
• 11:41
  SPEAKER_01: Let me tell you how much that guitar costs.
• 11:43
  SPEAKER_01: That guitar costs more than the shoes that you're wearing on your feet right now.
• 11:46
  SPEAKER_01: And that's even without the case.
• 11:47
  SPEAKER_01: The case is an extra$250.
• 11:49
  SPEAKER_01: I also know that in about five months' time, you're going to come to me and ask if there's anything you can do for extra credit because you're failing my course.
• 11:56
  SPEAKER_01: Unfortunately, there's not going to be anything you can do because you chose to close your case well before it was the allotted time to close your guitar case.
• 12:02
  SPEAKER_01: So unfortunately, we have to have an acronym so that everyone can remember what to do and what not to do.
• 12:07
  SPEAKER_01: And maybe doing this, we can all help the kid in the back corner.
• 12:10
  SPEAKER_01: I'm talking to you, who will not be listening to this message for the rest of his or her entire time in class.
• 12:15
  SPEAKER_01: We're gonna remember the acronym ABC.
• 12:17
  SPEAKER_01: Ask before closing.
• 12:18
  SPEAKER_01: Except there's a bit of a caveat to this because you won't have to ask because you're just gonna know.
• 12:23
  SPEAKER_01: You're gonna know that it's not time to close your guitar face.
• 12:27
  SPEAKER_01: Are there any questions?
• 12:28
  SPEAKER_01: Wow.
• 12:29
  SPEAKER_02: That wasn't good.
• 12:29
  SPEAKER_01: I like you know what?
• 12:30
  SPEAKER_01: I like it.
• 12:30
  SPEAKER_01: Do you want to?
• 12:31
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, I liked it, but do you want to try it again?
• 12:32
  SPEAKER_01: No, do you know when it would have been better if you caught me maybe six months out of teaching?
• 12:36
  SPEAKER_02: Well, you still have that fire.
• 12:37
  SPEAKER_02: When you still have a little that bile.
• 12:39
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah.
• 12:40
  SPEAKER_01: Like right now.
• 12:41
  SPEAKER_01: You're at peace.
• 12:42
  SPEAKER_01: I'm at peace.
• 12:42
  SPEAKER_01: I don't care.
• 12:43
  SPEAKER_01: I I also am aware that I have to be like, I would love to name kids and go off.
• 12:48
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 12:49
  SPEAKER_01: Go off.
• 12:50
  SPEAKER_02: I told the principal.
• 12:51
  SPEAKER_02: The principal asked me to come down here and set you kids straight.
• 12:54
  SPEAKER_02: I told her the best thing for her is to expel all of you.
• 12:58
  SPEAKER_02: But she said no.
• 12:59
  SPEAKER_02: So I'm here on a mission of mercy.
• 13:02
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, see, that's good.
• 13:03
  SPEAKER_01: I should have had more.
• 13:04
  SPEAKER_01: I only watched it once.
• 13:05
  SPEAKER_02: No, you did so great.
• 13:06
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, honestly, you you've recalled a lot of it.
• 13:08
  SPEAKER_02: It's it's really impressive.
• 13:09
  SPEAKER_02: I hope that if any of your ex-students happen to be hearing this, that they that maybe they're jarred a little bit and that maybe they second guess some of their some of their erstwhile decisions.
• 13:18
  SPEAKER_02: What were you gonna say?
• 13:19
  SPEAKER_01: I was gonna say there was maybe a better time because I was thinking too specific.
• 13:23
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 13:23
  SPEAKER_01: And I don't know if I've ever told you about this, but I told my kids, you know, inevitably there's a there's students where they try and leave class early, right?
• 13:30
  SPEAKER_01: They're they're like, I'm just gonna, I'm just gonna wait by the door here because I've decided I'm done with class and there's three minutes left.
• 13:36
  SPEAKER_01: And three minutes has gone by many times over in this podcast already.
• 13:40
  SPEAKER_01: And it's not it's not a time that you really have to think of too hard as an adult.
• 13:45
  SPEAKER_01: Like it just happens and then it three minutes is over.
• 13:47
  SPEAKER_01: But in a high school classroom, three minutes is an eternity, right?
• 13:51
  SPEAKER_01: If you try and wing it for three minutes, you might be screwed.
• 13:55
  SPEAKER_01: People can do great harm in three minutes.
• 13:57
  SPEAKER_02: Let's just say some guitar cases are gonna close.
• 14:00
  SPEAKER_01: Guitar cases are gonna close and I'm gonna lose my absolute, I'm gonna lose it if that guitar case is closed before I say you can close that case.
• 14:09
  SPEAKER_01: But the one time I really think I asserted my dominance, because as a teacher, you don't have much, but when I did was when a kid was trying to leave the class early.
• 14:18
  SPEAKER_01: And I I always try my first approach is always tongue in cheek, which is not the Alec Baldwin approach.
• 14:22
  SPEAKER_01: I I appreciate that.
• 14:23
  SPEAKER_01: But I would always be like, no, you're sneaking too close to the door there.
• 14:27
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah Scott, right?
• 14:29
  SPEAKER_01: You're just a little too close.
• 14:30
  SPEAKER_01: Back it up, back it up, right?
• 14:32
  SPEAKER_01: Like I'm I'm doing a little physical class.
• 14:34
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like, back it up, let's go, right?
• 14:36
  SPEAKER_01: I'm do like dog and pony show over here.
• 14:38
  SPEAKER_01: And then before I could catch him one time, he snuck out.
• 14:43
  SPEAKER_01: And my classroom was near the stairs.
• 14:45
  SPEAKER_01: I was on the second floor, my classroom was near the stairs that led right down to the cafeteria.
• 14:49
  SPEAKER_01: And I was like, Where name has been changed?
• 14:51
  SPEAKER_01: I said, Where where's Scott?
• 14:53
  SPEAKER_01: Where does Scott go?
• 14:54
  SPEAKER_01: And and the kids were and it was like five minutes too.
• 14:56
  SPEAKER_01: And the kids were like, Oh, he definitely snuck out.
• 14:58
  SPEAKER_01: And I was like, Hold up, I'll be right back.
• 15:00
  SPEAKER_01: I said, You guys just wait here.
• 15:02
  SPEAKER_01: And I went down those stairs and I went into the cafeteria and I absolutely lost my mind on that kid who was waiting in line for food to get the quote good food before.
• 15:12
  SPEAKER_01: Well, I was hungry, miss.
• 15:13
  SPEAKER_01: I was hungry.
• 15:13
  SPEAKER_01: I was like, Scott, you get upstairs right now.
• 15:18
  SPEAKER_01: Scott, I am not messing around.
• 15:20
  SPEAKER_01: I will yell at you in the cafeteria.
• 15:22
  SPEAKER_01: Hey, are there any of Scott's friends in here?
• 15:24
  SPEAKER_01: Is there any of Scott in here?
• 15:27
  SPEAKER_01: Where should Scott be?
• 15:28
  SPEAKER_01: You where should Scott be right now?
• 15:30
  SPEAKER_01: Where should in my classroom?
• 15:31
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, let's go, Scott, let's go.
• 15:33
  SPEAKER_01: And then I'm like, let's go back upstairs.
• 15:36
  SPEAKER_01: And I am yelling at the top of my lungs in a cafeteria full of children who maybe were on spare.
• 15:42
  SPEAKER_02: It sounds like you had no problem filling that three minutes.
• 15:45
  SPEAKER_02: When it was time to riff on Scott's irresponsibility, you had everything that it took.
• 15:51
  SPEAKER_02: You had all of the improvisational skills to really send that home.
• 15:54
  SPEAKER_02: And that was really Baldwin-esque.
• 15:57
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you.
• 15:58
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you.
• 15:59
  SPEAKER_01: I think I was thinking too small before.
• 16:01
  SPEAKER_01: I was thinking too small.
• 16:03
  SPEAKER_01: The best part though, Nick, the best part that I will remember.
• 16:06
  SPEAKER_01: This might be the last thought I have upon passing from this world to the next when I am dying.
• 16:11
  SPEAKER_01: Is when I marched Scott back upstairs because Scott was going up the stairs back up to my room because I won.
• 16:18
  unknown: Yeah.
• 16:18
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm behind him.
• 16:19
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm like, Scott, Scott, Scott, Scott, Scott! Walking back.
• 16:24
  SPEAKER_01: Clapping.
• 16:25
  SPEAKER_01: Walks in, yep, walks in my classroom, and the whole rest of my class was like, absolutely clapped.
• 16:34
  SPEAKER_01: I like to think they were clapping for me.
• 16:35
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe Scott thought they were clapping for him, but they were definitely like, we came in together, and I and I was like, guess who's gonna be the last one to leave the classroom today?
• 16:45
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, it's Scott! It's Scott, right?
• 16:48
  SPEAKER_01: Hope you enjoy, hope you enjoy starving, Scott.
• 16:50
  SPEAKER_01: Hope you enjoy everyone else getting the good hamburgers downstairs in the calf.
• 16:54
  SPEAKER_01: Wow.
• 16:54
  SPEAKER_01: So did Scott there's only two ways this could be.
• 16:57
  SPEAKER_01: Did Scott love you or hate you?
• 16:59
  SPEAKER_01: Absolutely loved me.
• 17:01
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, got it.
• 17:02
  SPEAKER_02: Absolutely loved me.
• 17:03
  SPEAKER_02: Because there's a world where Scott could still be trying to kill you.
• 17:06
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 17:06
  SPEAKER_01: If you were Scott, would you have would you have loved or hated that teacher?
• 17:10
  SPEAKER_02: I would have never ever tried to leave class early.
• 17:14
  SPEAKER_02: Uh Marianne Bogner would have fucking killed me for that.
• 17:18
  SPEAKER_02: So there would have been no part of me.
• 17:20
  SPEAKER_02: But I will tell you that I had I had plenty of teachers call me out.
• 17:23
  SPEAKER_02: Um, I had one teacher call me in front of the class in 12th grade and say, Nick Bogner, you're gonna go to college next year and you're gonna turn an essay like this, and they are gonna fail you.
• 17:32
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, okay.
• 17:33
  SPEAKER_02: In front of everybody.
• 17:34
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 17:34
  SPEAKER_02: And I thought, uh I don't love being called out this way.
• 17:39
  SPEAKER_02: And so that was a tough thing because I loved that teacher, but I I had it was definitely a little bit of like a fuck you.
• 17:44
  SPEAKER_02: I really hated school.
• 17:46
  SPEAKER_02: I'm coming to realize as an adult that I thought everybody hated school, but it turns out I hated school worse than anybody hates school.
• 17:52
  SPEAKER_02: Like I hated it, hated it, hated it.
• 17:54
  SPEAKER_02: Even though it is indisputable that it is of great value and it's important, I hated it.
• 17:59
  SPEAKER_02: I hated it every single minute of it from dawn till dusk.
• 18:03
  SPEAKER_02: And so every time that a teacher like got on my case, I think there was a little part of me that thought, like, we're both lucky I'm even here.
• 18:13
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, because if I wasn't so fucking scared of my parents, I would have already left the state by now.
• 18:19
  SPEAKER_02: I would already have a job.
• 18:21
  SPEAKER_01: Um Wow.
• 18:22
  SPEAKER_01: I lived for students like you.
• 18:24
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, really?
• 18:25
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, yes, because I felt like it was very obvious who who I this is a weird way of saying this, but like I don't know how else to say it.
• 18:33
  SPEAKER_01: Who I was lucky that they showed up that day.
• 18:36
  SPEAKER_01: Like I I had a I feel like I had a really good sense of this kid doesn't want to show up to anything, but they're here and I'm gonna make it worth their while.
• 18:44
  SPEAKER_01: Like, I often think, and I think I've told you this before, that you would have been the exact kind of student I would have loved to have taught in a guitar class.
• 18:52
  SPEAKER_01: It would have been like, first of all, you wouldn't have left early, but I feel like putting myself in your shoes, the satisfaction you would have got from knowing that some slipped out early, and then I went chasing them like a deer.
• 19:04
  SPEAKER_02: Even at 46, I still get satisfaction.
• 19:06
  SPEAKER_01: Right, right?
• 19:07
  SPEAKER_01: But just picture you're in there knowing that that kid's been dicking around all semester.
• 19:11
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 19:12
  SPEAKER_01: And then, you know what, Mrs.
• 19:13
  SPEAKER_01: Flanagan's not a doormat.
• 19:14
  SPEAKER_01: She she went out and chased them.
• 19:16
  SPEAKER_01: What do I hear in the hall?
• 19:18
  SPEAKER_01: Scott, Scott, Scott, Scott, Scott coming up the stairs like a war chant.
• 19:23
  SPEAKER_01: Scott comes in looking like hood over his head, earbuds in, pissed right off.
• 19:29
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, yeah.
• 19:29
  SPEAKER_01: And then and then kids are cheering, and you're like, yes, like like retribute justice, justice.
• 19:36
  SPEAKER_02: If this is the US, that kid would have shot up the whole school.
• 19:39
  SPEAKER_02: He totally would have.
• 19:39
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 19:40
  SPEAKER_02: He totally Thank God it's Canada.
• 19:42
  SPEAKER_02: The Scots up there are nice.
• 19:43
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 19:45
  SPEAKER_01: The Scots are nice.
• 19:47
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 19:47
  SPEAKER_01: And I just feel like it's that kind of thing, first of all, because obviously I had a conversation with Scott and it was it was not performative.
• 19:54
  SPEAKER_01: It was real.
• 19:55
  SPEAKER_01: Like, because obviously what I'm doing is performative, but also he knew I meant business, but I wasn't like angry at him, right?
• 20:02
  SPEAKER_01: Like I was just being a weirdo to get him to come back and actually explaining, like, look, you probably felt a little embarrassed, you probably did, but you kind of like you just can't leave class early.
• 20:11
  SPEAKER_01: Like, what can I do to make you stay?
• 20:13
  SPEAKER_01: Like, how are you gonna how are you gonna not close your guitar case early every day, Scott?
• 20:17
  SPEAKER_01: Why are you doing that?
• 20:18
  SPEAKER_01: You just don't want to, and inevitably, it's because he didn't know the notes we were playing and he was frustrated, he felt behind, right?
• 20:25
  SPEAKER_01: So then we could have a real conversation about things, but then the other kids saw that I was on their team because they were following the rules, they were trying to do their best.
• 20:33
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 20:34
  SPEAKER_01: And someone who's trying to get away with not doing all those things isn't gonna, I'm not gonna let that slide.
• 20:38
  SPEAKER_02: I love that.
• 20:40
  SPEAKER_02: And I bet I I guarantee you that Scott still remembers that.
• 20:44
  SPEAKER_02: And he's telling that story to a therapist right now, and it's either there was only one teacher who ever really saw me, or it's there's a reason why I'm so angry today and why I'm mandated to come here.
• 20:56
  SPEAKER_02: But whatever it is, Evelyn, you're you changed lives.
• 20:58
  SPEAKER_02: So what a wonderful thing.
• 20:59
  SPEAKER_02: Thank you for sharing that.
• 21:00
  SPEAKER_02: Thank you for that cathartic experience.
• 21:02
  SPEAKER_02: Of course.
• 21:03
  SPEAKER_02: That's what this is about.
• 21:04
  SPEAKER_02: This is about catharsis.
• 21:05
  SPEAKER_02: Folks, that brings us to the end of this week's installment of the reverse jackass podcast.
• 21:11
  SPEAKER_02: I'm Nick.
• 21:12
  SPEAKER_02: With me as always is Evelyn the Canadian Blade.
• 21:14
  SPEAKER_02: Have a wonderful week, and remember, ask before closing.
• 21:18
  SPEAKER_01: Some neighbors are besties.
• 21:20
  SPEAKER_02: Others quarrel bitterly.
• 21:22
  SPEAKER_01: Stuck together through geography.
• 21:26
  SPEAKER_02: One of us has nukes, and the other has tokes.
• 21:30
  SPEAKER_01: It's American Canadian diplomacy.
• 21:35
  SPEAKER_00: It's sort of