Latest / Locatora Radio [A Radiophonic Novela] / Capítulo 058: Vanidades

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Capítulo 058: Vanidades · Locatora Radio [A Radiophonic Novela]

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Speaker 1: Radio Radio Radio Commies a Myth and Bullshit, a radiophonic
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Speaker 1: novella Local Radio hosted by Malamo. Hello, Hello, Welcome back
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Speaker 1: to look at Radio. Welcome to season three of Local
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Speaker 1: Radio Porcallas. Because fem revenge has never sounded so sweet,
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Speaker 1: Look at Our Radio is a radiophonic novella archiving the
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Speaker 1: brilliant and legacies of women and fans of color. I'm
0:38
Speaker 1: Theosa and I'm Mala, and we are less mammies of
0:41
Speaker 1: myth and Bullshit radio radiophonic novella, which is really just
0:47
Speaker 1: a very extra way of saying a podcast. Last time
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Speaker 1: on look at Radio, we interviewed Bridge Saves and Brianna
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Speaker 1: Quinteto of Shop latin X. We discussed latin X entrepreneur worship,
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Speaker 1: women as hustlers, and the creation of shop latin X,
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Speaker 1: the first national online directory of Latino X businesses. As always,
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Speaker 1: look at That our Radio is recorded at Radio Espasio,
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Speaker 1: a community radio station hosted out of Espatio in Foil Heights.
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Speaker 1: Thank you for joining us. Thank you once again for
1:17
Speaker 1: tuning in to look at That our Radio. So before
1:20
Speaker 1: we get into our content for today, we just have
1:23
Speaker 1: a couple of announcements per usual. Yes, so we wanted
1:26
Speaker 1: to shout out Veronica for donating on our VENMO and
1:30
Speaker 1: she wrote, y'all are getting me through work right now.
1:32
Speaker 1: And it was so actually really cute to see this
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Speaker 1: donation because this move ahead I talked about one time, like, um,
1:40
Speaker 1: she's a listener obviously, and she actually, Um, we were
1:43
Speaker 1: at the same gym and she is the one, and
1:48
Speaker 1: she deemed me afterwards and was like, oh my god,
1:50
Speaker 1: I thought that was you. I'm a really big fan
1:52
Speaker 1: of local. I thought it was really cute because at
1:54
Speaker 1: the time I was going to a small gym. So
1:56
Speaker 1: that's how we met. And um, now we're like a
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Speaker 1: little like I g friends and she also listens and donated.
2:01
Speaker 1: So thank you Ana for donating to look Radio. Thank
2:05
Speaker 1: you so much. And if anybody else out there is
2:07
Speaker 1: interested in donating um and submitting a little something to
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Speaker 1: our venmo, we are at look at Dash Radio. And
2:15
Speaker 1: this is actually hilarious because we are starting to run
2:18
Speaker 1: into locomotives more and more in different ways. Right tell
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Speaker 1: them where you recently rot. So most recently I attended
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Speaker 1: the Southern California Sexual Health Summit at the California endowment.
2:33
Speaker 1: And I went to the first workshop of the day.
2:35
Speaker 1: Within five minutes like of sitting down, I realized, like
2:40
Speaker 1: I ran into three listeners. They like said hello to me.
2:44
Speaker 1: They were all like working in various nonprofits or in
2:47
Speaker 1: schools in the sexual health field. And there were three
2:50
Speaker 1: of them in one workshop. Then the first workshop of
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Speaker 1: the day. Also, who are you with? I was with
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Speaker 1: my coworker. I was my coworker. And here's the thing is,
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Speaker 1: I keep look at the A and this online life
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Speaker 1: separate from my job and my real life. We both
3:06
Speaker 1: do we really lead secret lives right now? Yeah, I
3:10
Speaker 1: mean at least like for me, like I try to
3:13
Speaker 1: downplay how big a part of local thought I really
3:15
Speaker 1: is in my life, Like when my boss will asked me,
3:18
Speaker 1: I like really make it seem like it's just like
3:20
Speaker 1: a little something for fun on the side, like a
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Speaker 1: little hobby hobby, you know, it's just we just talked
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Speaker 1: about like feminist things, like really really downplay how much
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Speaker 1: time I dedicate to exactly exactly, And I do the
3:33
Speaker 1: same thing. And like when people at because I work
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Speaker 1: at a school, and when my co workers people at
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Speaker 1: the school are talking about like the horrors of social
3:42
Speaker 1: media and how it's just like a bane on you know,
3:45
Speaker 1: the youth of today and how we're doomed. And I'm
3:47
Speaker 1: just sitting there and I'm like, oh, yeah, yeah, it's terrible.
3:50
Speaker 1: I know, it's awful, like not letting on at all
3:53
Speaker 1: that this is like my livelihood and future and I
3:56
Speaker 1: love social media so much, right, but no, I run
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Speaker 1: to a listener. Also, Adam, I was at the Dollar
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Speaker 1: Tree at my right, that Dollar Tree. I was literally
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Speaker 1: like reaching to buy fucking cleaning products and then like
4:14
Speaker 1: I fucking comment or something, you know, the powder. Yeah,
4:17
Speaker 1: I was buying comment and then somebody is like, um,
4:20
Speaker 1: excuse me, are you Mala? And I'm like, oh shit,
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Speaker 1: oh God, like buying my fucking comment, like at the
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Speaker 1: Dollar Tree, like living the glam life, you know. Um
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Speaker 1: So anyways, yeah, if you see us, say hi, definitely
4:34
Speaker 1: say hi hi. Um. Yes. So that's like another little
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Speaker 1: like I don't know exactly, like the Adventures of Radio,
4:44
Speaker 1: like living or double lives, like Briefe from Shop Ladins
4:47
Speaker 1: like likes to call me um Clark Kent right, like
4:50
Speaker 1: I go to work with my glasses on truly you
4:52
Speaker 1: do son? Right? Okay? Anyway, so also we wanted to
4:59
Speaker 1: remind you all about the bloom products. Like if you
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Speaker 1: saw our unboxing video, we both received two sex toys
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Speaker 1: from the Blue Meat and we also have a discount code.
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Speaker 1: So if you haven't used it yet, haven't checked it
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Speaker 1: out yet, head over to the Blue Meat dot com
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Speaker 1: and our discount code is look at our radio ten.
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Speaker 1: And I don't know about you, but I'm loving my
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Speaker 1: Blue Me product. Yeah, I've been using my blue product
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Speaker 1: like consistently. It is amazing. I highly recommend the Vesper
5:27
Speaker 1: vibrator pen. It comes in gold gold, just saying yeah,
5:33
Speaker 1: you could have all three. I also, okay, I have
5:36
Speaker 1: not used mine. And remember you told me like you
5:40
Speaker 1: cannot fail on this resolution, while I'm already failing because
5:43
Speaker 1: we're happy through February. But you know what, I'm like,
5:47
Speaker 1: I don't know why, but I've I've seen I've seen
5:49
Speaker 1: it as like almost work where it's not like an
5:52
Speaker 1: organic thing where I'm just like, oh, I'm going to
5:54
Speaker 1: master rate today. I'm going to use my new you know, dildo.
5:57
Speaker 1: So I'm going to carve out some time to kind
5:59
Speaker 1: of you know, feel it out and use it, explore it,
6:02
Speaker 1: and I will report back next week it's almost like
6:05
Speaker 1: having a date with it. Yes, like you have to
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Speaker 1: set the move. I do. I do. Okay, I'm excited
6:11
Speaker 1: to hear more. I will tell you, let us know,
6:13
Speaker 1: I will let you know. We're all we're all curious.
6:16
Speaker 1: I know that you're all rooting for me. When I
6:18
Speaker 1: posted it, I got comments like, I see you're keeping
6:21
Speaker 1: up with your resolution. Yes, I am trying, So I'll
6:25
Speaker 1: let I'll keep everyone posted about about my date with myself.
6:28
Speaker 1: Thank you, Thank you for that. All right, So moving forward,
6:33
Speaker 1: moving forward, moving on. Some reminders. So, um, if you
6:37
Speaker 1: haven't already, like, subscribe and comment on Apple podcast We
6:40
Speaker 1: love reading your reviews. They really help us. Whenever folks
6:44
Speaker 1: look us up on Apple Podcasts, they can see the
6:47
Speaker 1: amount of reviews that we've had and also the amount
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Speaker 1: of five stars, and it really does make a difference.
6:52
Speaker 1: So we really appreciate it, especially if you want to
6:54
Speaker 1: help out. Maybe you're not local, maybe you don't have
6:57
Speaker 1: so you can attend an event, Maybe you don't have
7:00
Speaker 1: the resources right now to donate. This is a free
7:03
Speaker 1: way of giving back to us, supporting us, and we
7:06
Speaker 1: honestly appreciate and love it so much. Yeah, it helps
7:10
Speaker 1: it makes a difference because I think we've kind of
7:12
Speaker 1: talked about this before. As we move forward and we
7:15
Speaker 1: grow as a podcast, and like folks are interested in
7:19
Speaker 1: working with us, or we think about things like potential
7:22
Speaker 1: sponsorship or fundraising, folks ask us for like feedback and
7:29
Speaker 1: listener reviews and comments and numbers and engagement. So the
7:33
Speaker 1: more that you actually really do engage and participate and
7:36
Speaker 1: love out loud, eventually it becomes like material support for
7:41
Speaker 1: the project to grow. So that's another way of thinking
7:43
Speaker 1: about it. Yeah, and as always, you know, you can
7:46
Speaker 1: listen on Spotify, audio, Boom Apple podcasts, and visit our website. Look,
7:50
Speaker 1: I thought our radio dot com, follow us on all
7:52
Speaker 1: the socials you know, you already know, you already know,
7:55
Speaker 1: you already know, And that's where the good stuff is anyways,
7:57
Speaker 1: is on the Instagram alright. So um, a quick word
8:01
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Speaker 1: you for the resource. And now onto one of our
8:56
Speaker 1: favorite segments. Okay, so a few weeks ago we put
8:58
Speaker 1: out a call on the Instagram. I'm asking y'all to
9:01
Speaker 1: ask questions about self, love, dating, vanity, relationships, everything. So
9:06
Speaker 1: going on theme with this, the first question is how
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Speaker 1: do you deal with wanting love and not finding it?
9:15
Speaker 1: That's uh, that is a dense, dense question. And you know,
9:19
Speaker 1: Valentine's Day just passed, just passed, um and I spent
9:24
Speaker 1: Valentine's Day at home with my family and then yesterday
9:30
Speaker 1: I like hung out with with girlfriends. I had my galantines,
9:35
Speaker 1: and I love doing a galantine. Same um for me.
9:39
Speaker 1: When I think about this question wanting love and not
9:41
Speaker 1: finding it for me, I kind of have come to
9:45
Speaker 1: the realization that any time I've ever entered into love
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Speaker 1: organically and authentically, it's been when I haven't been thinking
9:54
Speaker 1: about it and I haven't been seeking it out. It's
9:57
Speaker 1: just sort of found its way to me. So I
9:59
Speaker 1: try and chill on like seeking it. Yeah, I was
10:05
Speaker 1: gonna say the same thing. Um, I'm obviously in a
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Speaker 1: relationship right now, but prior to that, I was so
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Speaker 1: frustrated because I felt like I had so much love
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Speaker 1: to give and I was like, none of this ship
10:16
Speaker 1: is working out right, and it was. It was the
10:18
Speaker 1: for me, the idea of like, well, they get better
10:20
Speaker 1: when you do so once I was putting in the
10:22
Speaker 1: actual work to heal and be a better person and
10:25
Speaker 1: to be not only a better person for myself but
10:27
Speaker 1: also in a relationship. That's when I met my current partner,
10:31
Speaker 1: you know, like we crossed paths at the time that
10:32
Speaker 1: we were supposed to UM, and I was really frustrated
10:35
Speaker 1: and I gave up at that point, like you know what,
10:38
Speaker 1: I'm just not gonna date, and I was like very
10:40
Speaker 1: much a serial monogamous, back to back relationships, bad relationships.
10:45
Speaker 1: So really, when I let that idea go, that's when
10:48
Speaker 1: we met. So I echo what you said, you know,
10:51
Speaker 1: when you're not and I mean not finding love, Like, well,
10:55
Speaker 1: what kind of love? You know what I mean? Like
10:58
Speaker 1: maybe not romantic lovel what about platonic love, your cho
11:01
Speaker 1: and family, the familial love, you know, like that's also important,
11:05
Speaker 1: So also giving your energy to that because most likely
11:08
Speaker 1: that's going to be reciprocal. Yeah, you know, yeah, more
11:12
Speaker 1: often you're going to find reciprocal types of love. If
11:16
Speaker 1: it's things like friendships, a job you love, a hobby
11:21
Speaker 1: you love, that'll somehow like give love back to you
11:25
Speaker 1: in some ways. There's a lot of different ways to
11:27
Speaker 1: find love. People a very for baby, you know as
11:32
Speaker 1: always definitely definitely, So thank you for that question. The
11:38
Speaker 1: next question is about um being a recovering Catholic Jesus.
11:44
Speaker 1: It's an ongoing it's a constant process. I think of
11:49
Speaker 1: undoing and unlearning. And for me, you know, I'm like,
11:53
Speaker 1: what is my moral compass outside of what I was
11:57
Speaker 1: sort of socialized into and taught in my Catholic upbringing.
12:01
Speaker 1: That's what I'm thinking about right now. Yeah, I think, well,
12:04
Speaker 1: because that is how we learn like our morals and
12:06
Speaker 1: our values, right is like through the church or like
12:09
Speaker 1: through not only the Catholic Church, but whatever. Like if
12:12
Speaker 1: you're brought up with the religious background, you know, that
12:14
Speaker 1: tends to be your moral compass, just like you said.
12:17
Speaker 1: So really, like that's a good question, Like so what
12:19
Speaker 1: is it now right like now that I'm not going
12:21
Speaker 1: to church or I'm not an active Catholic, what does
12:24
Speaker 1: that mean? And I feel like I've been wanting to
12:29
Speaker 1: find some type of something like not necessarily an organized religion,
12:35
Speaker 1: but I do like the ritual of weekly we're going
12:39
Speaker 1: to congregate and like pray to something, you know. I
12:43
Speaker 1: do like that idea of like well for one hour,
12:45
Speaker 1: we're basically going to meditate and pray. I do like
12:48
Speaker 1: that concept. I would never go back to the Catholic
12:51
Speaker 1: Church were not at all, But I think I have
12:55
Speaker 1: been searching for that on and off throughout the past
12:59
Speaker 1: few years, Like what's what else can I find? You know?
13:03
Speaker 1: What I would love to see? Okay, I don't know
13:06
Speaker 1: if you've ever been to a Quaker meeting, but no, no,
13:10
Speaker 1: I have never been to a Quaker meeting. When have
13:12
Speaker 1: you been to a Quaker meeting? I went to Okay,
13:15
Speaker 1: So I went to high school with a girl who
13:17
Speaker 1: was a Quaker. And there's actually like a lot of
13:20
Speaker 1: Quakers in l A. Believe it or not. I do
13:22
Speaker 1: not believe that, but there are there are Quakers, and
13:24
Speaker 1: there are Quaker churches and they have their meetings. So
13:27
Speaker 1: this girl that I went to high school with, she
13:28
Speaker 1: invited me like and I went to a Quaker meeting
13:31
Speaker 1: with her and her family. And it was very fascinating
13:33
Speaker 1: because they waited the way that they hold their service,
13:36
Speaker 1: they call it meeting. And what happens is everyone just
13:38
Speaker 1: sits together in a room and it's very plain. They
13:40
Speaker 1: don't have like stained glass, they don't have they don't
13:43
Speaker 1: have images. It's just like would and everyone just sits
13:47
Speaker 1: in silence and just sits there until someone is moved
13:51
Speaker 1: to speak or share something. And then that person stands
13:54
Speaker 1: up and shares what they want to share. It's interesting.
13:56
Speaker 1: And then if someone else wants to get up and
13:59
Speaker 1: you know, riff on that thought or respond to it
14:01
Speaker 1: or share their thought, they can. But if not, if
14:04
Speaker 1: no one else has anything to say, everyone just sits
14:05
Speaker 1: there in silence, and I would kind of loft to
14:08
Speaker 1: see like our own community version of that, where it's
14:13
Speaker 1: literally we come together, we're in community, but we don't
14:16
Speaker 1: necessarily have an agenda. We're reflecting on things. I don't know,
14:21
Speaker 1: something I kind of like, you know, yeah, I could
14:24
Speaker 1: see that, like when it's with the right like group
14:27
Speaker 1: of people that you invite, you know, that you asked
14:29
Speaker 1: to join. I think that could be really interesting, right,
14:32
Speaker 1: But I mean I don't know, like for this question,
14:35
Speaker 1: like I don't know if you're like wondering what to
14:37
Speaker 1: do now, what is the question? I don't really I'm
14:40
Speaker 1: not really sure what the question is. But um, that
14:43
Speaker 1: has been our experience. I think, I think really just
14:45
Speaker 1: unlearning all the like the Catholic guilt and shame that
14:49
Speaker 1: comes with like you know, living your life, owning your body,
14:53
Speaker 1: being sexually active, having an abortion maybe not, you know
14:56
Speaker 1: what I mean, like all these things that are being queer,
14:58
Speaker 1: like all these things that are are told you're told
15:00
Speaker 1: that our sins are that are wrong, that you're going
15:02
Speaker 1: to go to hell for, you know, yes, speaking of
15:06
Speaker 1: things that we're told are sinful, like the Seven Deadly
15:09
Speaker 1: Sins which includes vanity, which is like something that we
15:13
Speaker 1: want to talk about today in this episode, right, um,
15:16
Speaker 1: And I think part of being a recovering Catholic is
15:19
Speaker 1: getting over the notion that vanity is bad for you,
15:22
Speaker 1: right or also, I mean I think I know we're
15:26
Speaker 1: talking about vanity today, but even just like any of
15:28
Speaker 1: the deadly sins, right, like, what is another one? Like um,
15:32
Speaker 1: like sloth? Right? Well, what if I just want to rest? Right?
15:35
Speaker 1: What if I'm tired? What if I'm tired? Right, I'm depressed? Right?
15:39
Speaker 1: What if I can't get up at the crocodle and
15:41
Speaker 1: go to work or whatever it is? Like However, you know,
15:44
Speaker 1: during the time that this was written by white men,
15:47
Speaker 1: you know, like what what if I just want to sleep?
15:49
Speaker 1: What if I just want to rest? You know, exactly exactly.
15:53
Speaker 1: The other another one is jealousy. I mean that's its
15:55
Speaker 1: own situation. You know. Jealousy can be deadly, it can
15:59
Speaker 1: be can be a full but um, yeah, I don't know.
16:02
Speaker 1: Just kind of like being a recovering Catholic, all these
16:04
Speaker 1: things that we're told we're bad, are they really? Are
16:07
Speaker 1: they really bad? Why are they so? Why are why
16:08
Speaker 1: are they so sinful and bad? And deadly and horrible
16:11
Speaker 1: because I don't see it. I don't buy it. I
16:13
Speaker 1: also wonder, like this is just going back to the
16:15
Speaker 1: masturbation bit. I wonder if that's why I can't masturbate, Like,
16:19
Speaker 1: is do I have some like internalized Catholic guilt that
16:22
Speaker 1: I have not gotten over. I'm not sure if that's
16:24
Speaker 1: what it is. What I'm really curious is, like, is
16:27
Speaker 1: that one thing that's keeping me from even I don't know.
16:30
Speaker 1: I have to think about this more. Well. Is masturbation
16:33
Speaker 1: not considered a sin? It is? It is considered a
16:36
Speaker 1: sinful see, and that's it. So we're socialized into this
16:39
Speaker 1: religion that told us that masturbation sinful, but then everything
16:43
Speaker 1: else in the world evidence wise, it tells us that
16:46
Speaker 1: it's good for us. Right, So how do we reconcile that,
16:49
Speaker 1: I'm not sure by masturbating everyone your homework? Go masturbate
16:56
Speaker 1: to recover from Catholics? Correct? There we go. This is
16:59
Speaker 1: the to doubt. Yes, um, next question question, so, what
17:06
Speaker 1: are your tips for getting over your first heartbreak? I
17:15
Speaker 1: don't know. So, okay, I don't know. I find that
17:19
Speaker 1: the only way I've ever been able to get over
17:21
Speaker 1: heartbreak is I have never been able to remain friends
17:24
Speaker 1: or in contact with an X. I don't. Maybe it's
17:28
Speaker 1: because I had I hadn't been mature enough to do it,
17:33
Speaker 1: or no, I wasn't supposed to be friends with them.
17:36
Speaker 1: I needed to cut them out completely, Like it's not
17:38
Speaker 1: it wasn't something that I needed and um, maintaining contact
17:44
Speaker 1: always has just prolonged the breakup. It prolongs the breakup
17:48
Speaker 1: and it prevents the healing process. My recommendation is, if
17:51
Speaker 1: you're cutting them out of your life, cut them the
17:53
Speaker 1: funk out of your life completely. That's it. Yeah, I
17:58
Speaker 1: echo that I've never been one. Let's stay friends. I
18:01
Speaker 1: did have somebody that I tried staying friends I and
18:03
Speaker 1: guess what we would like talk about getting back together?
18:07
Speaker 1: Like you know, we were never really like we never
18:09
Speaker 1: got that clean break. And I think you owe it
18:11
Speaker 1: to yourself and you're healing to get that clean break,
18:14
Speaker 1: you know. I don't. I don't get this, like I
18:16
Speaker 1: must still follow them, I must still get lunch with them,
18:19
Speaker 1: hang out with them, get coffee with them. It's a trap.
18:22
Speaker 1: I don't get it, especially if you're trying to move on.
18:26
Speaker 1: I don't get it, Like if you are talking about reconciling. Okay, fine,
18:30
Speaker 1: you know you make it work. But I don't know.
18:33
Speaker 1: And these are the questions that I asked myself. If
18:35
Speaker 1: I was if I had a platonic history with this
18:38
Speaker 1: person before we became romantic, if we had been friends,
18:42
Speaker 1: we had a friendship history and the romance came later.
18:46
Speaker 1: That's one thing. But if I sit and really think
18:49
Speaker 1: about my relationships, we were never friends first. We started
18:52
Speaker 1: off like romantic and sexual, and that's all it was.
18:56
Speaker 1: It was romantic. So this notion that there was like
18:59
Speaker 1: a friendship to salvage, it's just not true. It was
19:02
Speaker 1: never there, you know, agreed. I can only speak for myself.
19:05
Speaker 1: But if that's how your relationship took off, you know,
19:09
Speaker 1: like why maintain a false friendship that's not the foundation
19:13
Speaker 1: of why you know each other. I know that. Like
19:15
Speaker 1: people have their own thoughts on like X as being friends,
19:18
Speaker 1: But I'm not one of those. I'm not. I'm not.
19:22
Speaker 1: I don't think i'll I ever will be. And like
19:24
Speaker 1: you said, Molla, maybe that takes maturity or maybe you
19:27
Speaker 1: just shouldn't be friends with them, you know exactly. Anyway, Well,
19:31
Speaker 1: that question, I mean, just like a tip um Yeah,
19:34
Speaker 1: cut them out of your life and focus on you.
19:38
Speaker 1: Focus on whatever you have going for you right now,
19:39
Speaker 1: whether that be job, school, uh side hustle that you
19:43
Speaker 1: want to turn into a full time thing, like your friends,
19:46
Speaker 1: your family. Yeah, invest in your friends, investing your friendships
19:51
Speaker 1: and come girls, how do you balance self love within
19:56
Speaker 1: a relationship? Me time a lot of me. Get your
20:01
Speaker 1: time in. If your partner cannot uh go without talking
20:10
Speaker 1: to you for like an hour without getting angry, or
20:14
Speaker 1: every time you go to town they have a panic
20:16
Speaker 1: attack all of a sudden, or you know what I mean.
20:21
Speaker 1: Like if you can't, if you can't be away from
20:23
Speaker 1: this person without them like freaking out, you will never
20:27
Speaker 1: have space for self love in that relationship, right because
20:30
Speaker 1: you will never have space. So for me, I'm like,
20:33
Speaker 1: you see those types of behaviors, It's going to be
20:35
Speaker 1: hard for you to maintain a balanced, healthy self love
20:40
Speaker 1: ethic if you have to tend to them above yourself constantly,
20:44
Speaker 1: right you know? I also think like there are ways
20:47
Speaker 1: to also incorporate your partner into your self love routine.
20:51
Speaker 1: Like not everything obviously, but like, for instance, when my
20:55
Speaker 1: partner I started dating, I like really neglected going to
20:57
Speaker 1: the gym, even though that makes me feel really good,
21:00
Speaker 1: I just the endorphins are just really good for my
21:02
Speaker 1: mental health. So I really neglected it. And now I'm
21:05
Speaker 1: at a point where I like commit to going three
21:07
Speaker 1: times a week and I've been really consistent about it.
21:09
Speaker 1: And now he's also getting into like fitness as his
21:12
Speaker 1: self care. So now we do it together, like not
21:14
Speaker 1: every day obviously, but we're trying not to carve out
21:17
Speaker 1: the time. We're like at least one or two times
21:19
Speaker 1: a week we go together. That's good and you know,
21:21
Speaker 1: we're both it's benefiting for the both of us. We
21:23
Speaker 1: both feel like better like all around. And we're not
21:26
Speaker 1: going out, you know, because we go out to dinner
21:28
Speaker 1: a lot, you know. So it's good on good on
21:30
Speaker 1: her our wallet, you know, and good for the mental health.
21:33
Speaker 1: So yeah, exactly, Like it doesn't have to be sol
21:36
Speaker 1: dolo all the time. And then you're like also spending
21:41
Speaker 1: time together right right, right right, but also you need
21:44
Speaker 1: alone time. There's just a balance. I think the balancing acts. Yeah, um, okay,
21:49
Speaker 1: I always think about that song how do you balance
21:51
Speaker 1: self love within a relationship? You know that Beyonce song
21:54
Speaker 1: where she's listing all the things she's saying yes to
21:57
Speaker 1: in this relationship, she says, she's saying like I said yes,
22:01
Speaker 1: like to you staying with me, I said yes to
22:03
Speaker 1: meeting your mother. I said yes to this, that and
22:05
Speaker 1: the other. But the first time I say no, it's
22:08
Speaker 1: like I never that's right, that's right. Yeah, that's an
22:10
Speaker 1: older one back in the archives, like Crazy and Love.
22:13
Speaker 1: I think exactly. I think it's off that album. So
22:17
Speaker 1: it's like that too. Is like, you know, set boundaries
22:20
Speaker 1: early also to kind of test like are they okay
22:25
Speaker 1: with you even setting boundaries right? Right? You know? And
22:28
Speaker 1: if if you're not allowed to set a boundary that's
22:31
Speaker 1: good for you, then how can you love yourself in
22:34
Speaker 1: that context? Yes, you know, are you being allowed to
22:37
Speaker 1: sort of a thing? Thank you for that question. Um, So,
22:41
Speaker 1: next question is affirmations you love? What are some affirmations
22:46
Speaker 1: you love? Do you say affirmations to yourself? Mama? Not really,
22:49
Speaker 1: I'm a bad bit. Well that way, that would be it.
22:52
Speaker 1: That's my affirmation, um, Mama, and I'd say affirmations to
22:55
Speaker 1: ourselves before we go into meetings. Yes we do we
22:58
Speaker 1: hold hands, Yes we do, we hold hands and we
23:00
Speaker 1: look at each other. We'll take a selfie maybe document, right,
23:04
Speaker 1: we like look into each other lock eyes and we're
23:07
Speaker 1: like and repeat repeat after me, like like I am beautiful,
23:10
Speaker 1: I am beautiful, I am a badass's I am brilliant.
23:15
Speaker 1: I'm brilliant. I got this, I got this, and then
23:18
Speaker 1: we break. Yeah, so that's what we do. Um, but
23:24
Speaker 1: you can also do that with yourself truly. Yeah. Yeah,
23:28
Speaker 1: just just pray to yourself yourself. Um. I keep some
23:33
Speaker 1: affirmations by my bedside and I wrote them out with
23:36
Speaker 1: my therapist, and I don't have them on hand. I like,
23:39
Speaker 1: I don't have the memorized. But if you do go
23:41
Speaker 1: to too, If you do see a therapist, you know,
23:44
Speaker 1: you can also work on them with your with them
23:46
Speaker 1: that's helpful, like a specific things you want to work on.
23:49
Speaker 1: Or you can a lot of people share their affirmations
23:51
Speaker 1: online like on I G. You can google some like
23:55
Speaker 1: there's a lot of affirmation I think oriented pages. Yes,
23:58
Speaker 1: you know a good one is on alex l A
24:01
Speaker 1: l e x e l l E. I love her
24:04
Speaker 1: and she has been like talking, she has been like
24:07
Speaker 1: talking about self care, like before it became like this
24:10
Speaker 1: really like capitalistic corporate idea of like we're gonna sell
24:13
Speaker 1: self care, you know, we're going to wrap it up
24:15
Speaker 1: and sell it. She has been talking about it for
24:17
Speaker 1: a long time, and she writes little affirmations like on
24:20
Speaker 1: a little papelito and then she like takes a picture
24:23
Speaker 1: holding it. So she's definitely someone I would recommend to
24:26
Speaker 1: go follow and check out her affirmations. Yeah. I used
24:29
Speaker 1: to follow her on tumbler. Yeah, she's been She's been
24:32
Speaker 1: like online for a while, like writing about what she
24:35
Speaker 1: writes about. I feel like she wrote a book, right, Yeah,
24:38
Speaker 1: I think she has a few books out. She does
24:40
Speaker 1: a podcast mother she's a mother of two. Yeah, she's beautiful.
24:45
Speaker 1: She's beautiful. Yeah, she's great. That would be a dream
24:48
Speaker 1: podcast collab for me. I think you should tag her
24:51
Speaker 1: in this good let's do it? Yes, okay? Um? Next question,
24:56
Speaker 1: are y'all monogamous? And have you ever struggled with that? Because, bitch,
25:00
Speaker 1: I'm pressed. Thank you for this question. Um, I'm not
25:04
Speaker 1: monogamous because I'm not in a relationship. Have you have
25:07
Speaker 1: all of your relationship has been monogamous? Um? Well, on
25:10
Speaker 1: my end, they were right. I don't really know if
25:14
Speaker 1: that's a yes or no, right, but I think I
25:17
Speaker 1: was in the relationship under the presumption of monogamy, right,
25:21
Speaker 1: put it that way. Yes, Now in my current relationship,
25:26
Speaker 1: we are both monogamous, right, And um, I mean I
25:30
Speaker 1: guess yeah, I can take especially a new relationship, like
25:32
Speaker 1: everything takes adjustment, gets to getting used to. I wonder
25:36
Speaker 1: if that's why this listener is pressed. Maybe because it's
25:39
Speaker 1: just I mean, you're used to You're so used to
25:43
Speaker 1: being by yourself, right, And there's like that quote where
25:45
Speaker 1: it's like, I'm so good at being alone that like
25:48
Speaker 1: your company has to feel better than my being alone. Yes,
25:52
Speaker 1: you know so, I think that that's a really good
25:54
Speaker 1: way to like weigh whether or not being in this
25:57
Speaker 1: relationship if this relationship is for you, right, Like doesn't
26:01
Speaker 1: feel just as good when you're a lot better if
26:03
Speaker 1: not better? Yeah, good question. I like this next question
26:09
Speaker 1: because I think it's pretty cut and dry for us. Anyways.
26:12
Speaker 1: Is casual sex wrong? Well no, no, absolutely not no. No.
26:18
Speaker 1: This is part of m learning the Catholicism. Yes, okay,
26:21
Speaker 1: where sex head was part of your religion class and
26:24
Speaker 1: your religion teacher taught like save yourself for Jesus, which
26:28
Speaker 1: how fucking weird to say to like a room full
26:30
Speaker 1: of like thirteen year olds, fourteen year old save yourself
26:33
Speaker 1: for Jesus, save yourself for like the man you're going
26:36
Speaker 1: to marry and spend the rest of your life with.
26:38
Speaker 1: It's so weird. Yeah, I think about it, and I'm like,
26:43
Speaker 1: what were they? Oh my god, the policing, the policing,
26:46
Speaker 1: the like just let me alone, all of it, all
26:50
Speaker 1: of it. Yeah. The idea that like sex is just
26:55
Speaker 1: so tied into religion is so bizarre to me, I know, right,
26:59
Speaker 1: you know, like this goes back in some ways to
27:02
Speaker 1: the notion of like the patriarchy being a micromanager. This
27:07
Speaker 1: is some micro management. Is like tying up sex and
27:11
Speaker 1: sexuality into the dogma of the religion, right, Like that's
27:15
Speaker 1: so personal, none of your business, it's none of your
27:18
Speaker 1: how many partners I've had and we need to Like
27:21
Speaker 1: I don't I don't know if this is still a thing.
27:23
Speaker 1: I'm sure it is, But like, do people still ask
27:25
Speaker 1: your body count? I mean I think it's one of
27:28
Speaker 1: those questions that will never die. Like, I think people
27:31
Speaker 1: still do it. I remember being like in my nine twenty,
27:35
Speaker 1: like asking what's your body count? Because I don't know
27:38
Speaker 1: any better? You know, and like being asked that and
27:41
Speaker 1: being like okay, sure, here's my number. But now it's
27:44
Speaker 1: like you don't need to know that, like that was
27:46
Speaker 1: before you Yeah, you don't need to know. Also, I
27:48
Speaker 1: lost track a long time ago, so you can ask me,
27:51
Speaker 1: but you're not going to get a straighter right right
27:53
Speaker 1: because anyways, Um yeah, no, casual sex is not wrong.
27:58
Speaker 1: It's not wrong and then not wrong. I think the
28:00
Speaker 1: this is a two part it's a self love versus
28:02
Speaker 1: a woman's needs. Well, I think that they can both
28:06
Speaker 1: be you know, self love and they can both fulfill
28:09
Speaker 1: your needs. I'm thinking this is again when she says
28:12
Speaker 1: self love, I'm thinking she means masturbation, like can I
28:16
Speaker 1: just like, you know, if I'm feeling like the needs
28:19
Speaker 1: you know, like can I just masturbate slash? What about
28:22
Speaker 1: my other needs? So I think that you can do both. Yeah.
28:25
Speaker 1: I feel like love in lots of ways is making
28:31
Speaker 1: sure your needs are met. So like what if you
28:33
Speaker 1: love your partner, making sure their needs are met if
28:35
Speaker 1: your partner loves you, your partner is making sure your
28:37
Speaker 1: needs are met and then making sure your own needs
28:39
Speaker 1: are met when and how you can meet them. So yeah,
28:44
Speaker 1: I don't think capital sex is wrong and you know,
28:47
Speaker 1: if you know, as long as everybody's consenting and there's
28:50
Speaker 1: like clear cut boundaries and all of that, like why not, right,
28:56
Speaker 1: go for it, enjoy, have a good time, right right? Okay,
29:00
Speaker 1: this is a little bit different, but I think still
29:02
Speaker 1: important when we're talking about self love. This question is
29:06
Speaker 1: have you ever had the experience of wearing something super
29:09
Speaker 1: tight and realizing you've gained weight and feel sad? I'm
29:12
Speaker 1: tired of hating myself and looking for some inspiration to
29:16
Speaker 1: love myself even if I'm not where I want to be.
29:19
Speaker 1: This is just like the ongoing perennial like issue, like
29:23
Speaker 1: this is always in forever. My weight is always fluctuating,
29:27
Speaker 1: Like I am not consistent with like how much I
29:31
Speaker 1: weigh or even like what size of clothes I wear.
29:34
Speaker 1: I've always gone up and down like for years, and
29:36
Speaker 1: it's just how I am. Um. And so this experience
29:40
Speaker 1: of like going down a size or going down a
29:44
Speaker 1: few sizes and having like your your your clothes for
29:46
Speaker 1: when you're skinny, and then you have clothes for when
29:49
Speaker 1: you're bigger. Um, And this is an experience that I
29:52
Speaker 1: have all the time right where I'm like Okay, I
29:54
Speaker 1: was wearing this a month ago, but now it doesn't
29:56
Speaker 1: fit me anymore and feeling sad. And when I've just
29:59
Speaker 1: come to realize is you know, you just have to
30:03
Speaker 1: come to a place where you can say, I am
30:06
Speaker 1: not going to aspire towards anything with my body, Like
30:09
Speaker 1: I am going to make a conscious choice to wake
30:12
Speaker 1: up and just love my body just however it shows
30:15
Speaker 1: up today, you know, because the aspirational like self love
30:18
Speaker 1: is kind of like procrastination because you're always putting it
30:22
Speaker 1: off until a later date. You're always putting off the
30:25
Speaker 1: self love. You're you like know that it's there, but
30:27
Speaker 1: you're waiting to give it to yourself until you reach
30:30
Speaker 1: some goal that you might never reach right or you
30:34
Speaker 1: might get to and then you know, retreat from. So
30:37
Speaker 1: for me, um, it's kind of like you have to
30:41
Speaker 1: just sort of snap yourself out of it and just
30:43
Speaker 1: make yourself in some ways, also people say like, oh,
30:47
Speaker 1: never buy a bigger size, Like don't buy yourself bigger
30:49
Speaker 1: clothes by yourself bigger clothes, Like buy clothes that look
30:52
Speaker 1: good on you and that you feel good in. Like
30:55
Speaker 1: if you need to keep like a larger pants or
30:58
Speaker 1: larger shirts, and larger bra as for like when your
31:01
Speaker 1: weight is up, do that, you know, like don't be
31:03
Speaker 1: afraid to go out and buy bigger clothes, like wear
31:06
Speaker 1: clothes that fit you, um, because that's like you're not
31:09
Speaker 1: gonna feel good about yourself forcing yourself into clothes that
31:13
Speaker 1: do not fit and that are not your size. Yeah,
31:17
Speaker 1: I agree. Um. I think something that helps me is
31:19
Speaker 1: literally looking in the mirror when I'm naked, um, because
31:23
Speaker 1: I like will find myself like if I'm feeling like
31:26
Speaker 1: uncomfortable like avoiding mirrors, you know. So I'm just like
31:29
Speaker 1: kind of just literally just like taking a shower and
31:32
Speaker 1: like looking at my body as I'm like cleaning myself
31:34
Speaker 1: like moisturizing, putting on makeup, just literally just looking at
31:38
Speaker 1: myself and like with admiration. I think is really important
31:43
Speaker 1: because there's literally nobody quite like you, you know, and
31:47
Speaker 1: weight gain or no weight gain like you are like
31:50
Speaker 1: as a being as a whole, as like are enough
31:52
Speaker 1: and exactly like how you're supposed to be, you know.
31:55
Speaker 1: So I think like it's I know that it's obviously
31:57
Speaker 1: really hard, and especially like we live in like a fat,
32:00
Speaker 1: a big society diet culture, especially around this time of
32:03
Speaker 1: year is like rampant, right, and like we have so
32:06
Speaker 1: many like fitspirations and id inspirations and like all this stuff.
32:11
Speaker 1: You know that it can become really toxic. And I mean,
32:15
Speaker 1: for me, I'm very aware that I can get into
32:19
Speaker 1: really unhealthy um eating and working out patterns. So that's
32:25
Speaker 1: why I've created a very basic goal for myself of
32:29
Speaker 1: working out three times a week. And I'm I'm not
32:31
Speaker 1: weighing myself. I'm not measuring anything. I'm really just focusing
32:35
Speaker 1: on how good does it feel when I move my body.
32:37
Speaker 1: I sit at a desk from nine to five. My
32:40
Speaker 1: back hurts, whatever hurts, So how can I um ruly
32:45
Speaker 1: just feel good in my body and and feel how
32:48
Speaker 1: my body is moving. And one thing that a goal
32:50
Speaker 1: that I set for myself, And this is kind of
32:52
Speaker 1: going in a different direction, but a goal that I've
32:53
Speaker 1: set for myself is like, well, for this hour that
32:56
Speaker 1: I'm at the gym, I'm not going to check my
32:57
Speaker 1: emails and I'm going to try not to check to
33:00
Speaker 1: anybody because it's just one hour for myself. So whether
33:02
Speaker 1: that's like whatever that self care time is for you
33:05
Speaker 1: wherever you do it, like having those little goals I
33:08
Speaker 1: feel helps and will help you love yourself more and
33:11
Speaker 1: like you know, serve like it's purpose for you. Yeah. Yeah.
33:16
Speaker 1: I also found that, like at the height of my
33:20
Speaker 1: UM eating disorder issues, that following will Going back to Tumbler,
33:26
Speaker 1: I remember following UM this page called Curves and Color
33:32
Speaker 1: or Beauty and Color. Oh my god, I remember that
33:35
Speaker 1: I would follow that page and I love that page
33:37
Speaker 1: and that was so helpful for me. And then Full
33:40
Speaker 1: Figured Potential UM I think, was another page that I
33:43
Speaker 1: would follow and really like being online, and back then
33:47
Speaker 1: the body posity body possy stuff was much more run
33:50
Speaker 1: by like fat women and big bodied women, not just
33:54
Speaker 1: curvy women, and so I felt like that online community
33:58
Speaker 1: was really impactful for me. Um. Yeah. Also, like I
34:03
Speaker 1: think the other thing that's helped me with this is
34:05
Speaker 1: sometimes our families will comment on how our clothes are
34:08
Speaker 1: fitting us, and I had to learn to use my
34:11
Speaker 1: voice and like literally use my words with my family
34:15
Speaker 1: and said boundaries with them. And that also helped me
34:18
Speaker 1: because once they learned that, like I had spikes and
34:21
Speaker 1: they couldn't just say whatever they want because they might
34:25
Speaker 1: get their fingerpricked, then they stopped, you know, And so
34:29
Speaker 1: sometimes It's like when you stand up for yourself, it's
34:32
Speaker 1: also showing yourself love, you know, because you're willing to
34:35
Speaker 1: defend yourself, right, I agree. I mean I shared this
34:38
Speaker 1: on an earlier episode where my mom and I had
34:41
Speaker 1: a disagreement at Christmas like two years ago now, where
34:45
Speaker 1: she was like talking about my body and like as
34:47
Speaker 1: if I wasn't there, and I called her out on
34:49
Speaker 1: it and she was so embarrassed. Well guess why she
34:51
Speaker 1: didn't do it again? Right, And like maybe I was
34:54
Speaker 1: being a quote marial or like you know, not a
34:56
Speaker 1: good daughter because I I did shame her, but you know,
34:58
Speaker 1: that's how she learned. I wasn't trying to be rude
35:01
Speaker 1: about it, but it's like, why are you talking about me?
35:03
Speaker 1: Like I'm not here? You know, I am in my body.
35:06
Speaker 1: It's not separate from me right literally right here, you know. Um.
35:12
Speaker 1: And it gets really tough, especially like I was sharing
35:15
Speaker 1: with Mama, like I have a da visiting and she
35:17
Speaker 1: will like talk about people's weight gain and I'm like why,
35:21
Speaker 1: like you're not even like you're visiting and this is
35:23
Speaker 1: what you want to talk about, like you know, and
35:26
Speaker 1: that's just so um normalized in our community, that we
35:29
Speaker 1: can just talk about people's weight and you know, either
35:32
Speaker 1: in a positive way or like either oh she's lost
35:34
Speaker 1: too much weight, or she's had this and that done,
35:36
Speaker 1: she's had that nipp and talk blah blah blah, or
35:39
Speaker 1: she's gained so much weight. So so what do you want?
35:43
Speaker 1: What do you want? What do you want? Literally leave
35:46
Speaker 1: me alone, not coming on anyone's bodies anyway. Well, going
35:50
Speaker 1: back to this original question, I hope that our listener
35:52
Speaker 1: um feels heard and seen and we love you. And
35:58
Speaker 1: it's an individual path, like we may not have the
36:01
Speaker 1: so we don't have the solution because that's why, because
36:04
Speaker 1: self love is so individual, very individual. No, it's different
36:07
Speaker 1: for everyone. One of my favorites I used to listen
36:10
Speaker 1: to a lot of Regina Specter. Oh you know, like
36:12
Speaker 1: back in the day, we all we all had our
36:14
Speaker 1: Regina spect phase. So she has this one lyric from
36:20
Speaker 1: a song that I love where she says, I have
36:22
Speaker 1: a perfect body, but sometimes I forget I have a
36:25
Speaker 1: perfect body because my eyelashes catch my sweat. And I
36:28
Speaker 1: love that lyrics so much because it's like, yes, it's
36:31
Speaker 1: just this tiny little detail, but like your body in
36:33
Speaker 1: that moment is working exactly how it's meant to, you know,
36:37
Speaker 1: so like appreciating those little things and ship. Okay, So
37:26
Speaker 1: going back to the female, today's cap is vanity. Vanity
37:31
Speaker 1: is self love and self preservation. Right. Well, I think
37:36
Speaker 1: like one thing we wanted to talk about is like
37:40
Speaker 1: self love as self preservation, like or vanity as self love,
37:45
Speaker 1: Like if you're not in a relationship, you know, like
37:50
Speaker 1: you want to love on yourself, and even if you
37:52
Speaker 1: are in a relationship, like regardless of your partner like
37:56
Speaker 1: being great or not, like they're still not going to
37:59
Speaker 1: love you the way you love you, right, And there's
38:01
Speaker 1: there nobody will ever take care of you and know
38:03
Speaker 1: you the way you know you, you know. And I
38:07
Speaker 1: think that was like one of the reasons we wanted
38:08
Speaker 1: to talk about that today. Yeah, And it's just going
38:11
Speaker 1: along with our sort of theme that's like a constant
38:17
Speaker 1: theme of approaching topics um from sort of this like
38:22
Speaker 1: counter narrative, this place of counternarrative and thinking about something that,
38:27
Speaker 1: like earlier in the CuPy that we were saying, you know,
38:29
Speaker 1: vanity is considered one of the seven deadly sins. It's
38:31
Speaker 1: something that we're taught and socialized as bad as sinful,
38:35
Speaker 1: is even harmful somehow, But we want to ask ourselves why,
38:39
Speaker 1: what's the other side of the coin? Um part of
38:42
Speaker 1: me thinks about how if we are dissuaded from being
38:48
Speaker 1: vain and from loving ourselves, right, we're not fulfilling that
38:53
Speaker 1: very basic desire we have, like for love and for
38:56
Speaker 1: getting you know. So, I think it's almost a way
38:58
Speaker 1: to almost like compel us into romantic relationships, to sort
39:03
Speaker 1: of seek out love that we could already be giving
39:06
Speaker 1: to ourselves. It's a conspiracy by the patriarchy, a conspiracy
39:11
Speaker 1: by the patriarchy. Love yourself in spite of the patriarchy. Yes,
39:15
Speaker 1: basically basically um right, because we were like one thing
39:20
Speaker 1: we were questioning, like, well, why is vanity so bad? Right?
39:24
Speaker 1: Why is it so deadly? Why is it sinful? Why
39:27
Speaker 1: is it wrong? Is it only wrong when women do it? Right? Like,
39:32
Speaker 1: what would be the marker of vanity on a man?
39:35
Speaker 1: We know the story of Narcissus, right, and this is
39:38
Speaker 1: kind of like where the term and the idea of
39:40
Speaker 1: narcissism comes from. But Narcissus right, he had never seen
39:46
Speaker 1: his reflection. He suddenly comes upon his reflection in like
39:50
Speaker 1: a pool of water, becomes sort of obsessed and dies
39:55
Speaker 1: staring at himself. Staring at himself, So like, what is
39:57
Speaker 1: that cautionary tale? Exactly? Was going to say, Exactly, it's
40:00
Speaker 1: a cautionary tale, like you can't look at yourself for
40:03
Speaker 1: too long, you can't love yourself for too long, or
40:05
Speaker 1: you might die. Like what does that mean that if
40:11
Speaker 1: I look in the mirror for too long, I might die?
40:13
Speaker 1: You know? And I think it's also like when women
40:16
Speaker 1: love themselves, When we love ourselves, it's like a waste
40:19
Speaker 1: of time, right, because if you're if you're sitting in
40:22
Speaker 1: front of a vanity, you're putting makeup on, you're wasting
40:24
Speaker 1: your time. If you're getting your nails done, you're wasting
40:27
Speaker 1: your time. Right. If anything that is like for you
40:30
Speaker 1: because you want to do it because it feels good,
40:32
Speaker 1: and it's not for like the mail gaze, it's a
40:34
Speaker 1: waste of time, waste of money, A waste of money,
40:37
Speaker 1: a waste of time. People love to use the example
40:42
Speaker 1: with regards to things like child support, like, oh, he's
40:47
Speaker 1: paying his baby mama child support, and look at what
40:49
Speaker 1: she uses it for to get her nails done and
40:53
Speaker 1: her hair and new clothes. There's always this linking of
40:57
Speaker 1: like irresponsible spending right with appearance with fem aesthetics. Yes,
41:04
Speaker 1: specifically it's considered a waste of time. It's considered a
41:06
Speaker 1: waste of time. And um, we were talking about before
41:10
Speaker 1: we started recording. There's this correlation that we hear. It's
41:13
Speaker 1: like an old school sort of saying that, like red
41:15
Speaker 1: lipstick is for horse or red lipstick is for prostitutes,
41:19
Speaker 1: And people will even say that in Spanish sometimes yes,
41:22
Speaker 1: or you don't want to look like a Buddha. I
41:24
Speaker 1: remember when I was little, wanting to wear um, you know,
41:27
Speaker 1: my would paint my nails. Um, they started me young,
41:31
Speaker 1: and um she would she put like a burgundy on
41:34
Speaker 1: me and my dad got really upset because it was
41:38
Speaker 1: too much here. But like I was a little girl,
41:40
Speaker 1: like and that's the thing like where we like sexualized girls,
41:43
Speaker 1: like young girls like what they're not allowed to wear X,
41:46
Speaker 1: Y and Z, Like they aren't allowed to paint their
41:48
Speaker 1: nails and like obviously to each of their own, everyone
41:50
Speaker 1: has like the rights to parent how they want. But
41:52
Speaker 1: it's like, or are we just sexualizing young girls? You
41:56
Speaker 1: know what? Are we really protecting them from? Exactly what
42:00
Speaker 1: you know threat, what's the looming threat? Looming threat is
42:02
Speaker 1: the men? The man? So who needs to be corrected?
42:05
Speaker 1: The men? The men, the surveillance or like the little
42:07
Speaker 1: girl wearing shorts around her buddys and her theos exactly
42:10
Speaker 1: who's the problem is the men again again and it's like,
42:14
Speaker 1: what direction is the surveillance going? The surveillance has always
42:17
Speaker 1: directed towards the girls and the women, and we have
42:21
Speaker 1: these blind spots to you know, male aggressors and male
42:26
Speaker 1: aggression and it's left up um And I think it's
42:30
Speaker 1: interesting to going back to, you know, our Catholic upbringings.
42:33
Speaker 1: So while vanity is one of the seven deadly sins
42:36
Speaker 1: for whatever reason, humility is praised like above all as
42:40
Speaker 1: far as human qualities, right, what is okay, this is
42:43
Speaker 1: my Catholicism coming up, But it's like, what is it like?
42:45
Speaker 1: Blessed be the meek, for he shall the day inherit.
42:50
Speaker 1: So you can finish my Catholic sentence. Okay, you know what,
42:55
Speaker 1: We've never done this before, and I'm hope we never did.
42:59
Speaker 1: I say, I hope that never happens again. I did
43:02
Speaker 1: that with my booty other day. He was like, what
43:04
Speaker 1: is this like Bowers and I was like, oh that's
43:06
Speaker 1: from John blah blah blah blah blah. And he was like, um, no,
43:10
Speaker 1: like we have deep biblical yes, yes, I took my
43:13
Speaker 1: freshman year of high school, I took a scripture like
43:16
Speaker 1: we had to take a scripture class where we learned
43:18
Speaker 1: to analyze scripture like nuns at your school. Yes, there were.
43:23
Speaker 1: There used to be a convent. All that I will
43:25
Speaker 1: say exactly anyway, So going back, like, okay, so we
43:29
Speaker 1: were talking about humilities praise, right, I just imagined escaping
43:33
Speaker 1: the convent, like that's literally down, that's a flat. That's
43:41
Speaker 1: so funny. Oh my god, right I did escape the convent. Um. Okay,
43:47
Speaker 1: So humility is praised right the meek um? But why
43:53
Speaker 1: why is humility so good? Right? Why is it got
43:56
Speaker 1: like close to godliness or whatever? And vanity is like sinful,
44:00
Speaker 1: closer to the devil, Like what's the deal? You know?
44:03
Speaker 1: I don't understand. Also, because then I think about cathedrals
44:06
Speaker 1: and the insides of Catholic churches and how they're full
44:08
Speaker 1: of gold and all kinds of them so good. I'm like,
44:10
Speaker 1: didn't you all like colonize the America's and take all
44:13
Speaker 1: our gold. That's right in your church? Who's vain? Right?
44:17
Speaker 1: Who's the vein one? Right? Anyways? So all that all
44:27
Speaker 1: that to say, if you're listening, fuck humility, fucking humble,
44:31
Speaker 1: Go be vain. Go where your red lipstick? But the
44:34
Speaker 1: thing is it actually vain? That's the thing. Are you
44:38
Speaker 1: actually being vain for looking in the mirror wearing your
44:41
Speaker 1: red lipstick? What even is vanity? What? What does it mean? Nition? Well,
44:45
Speaker 1: what does it mean? Dictionary dot com? What is vanity? Yeah?
44:52
Speaker 1: I really don't have to vanity in an actual vanity?
44:55
Speaker 1: Love it? I love a nice vanity. Okay? Vanity excessive
45:01
Speaker 1: pride in or admiration of one's own appearance or achievements.
45:06
Speaker 1: How can you have excessive pride or admiration? How can
45:09
Speaker 1: you excessively admire something? Wait? But look at what the
45:11
Speaker 1: synonyms are conceit self, conceit, narcissism, self love, self admiration,
45:18
Speaker 1: self regard, self absorption. So it's a it's interesting because
45:23
Speaker 1: it's it could it's so positive and negative at the
45:28
Speaker 1: same time. Is it a positive thing or a negative thing?
45:31
Speaker 1: Because I hear self love is a synonym for vanity,
45:35
Speaker 1: but in relation to our background, our bringings us Catholics.
45:38
Speaker 1: It's a negative thing, fake news, right, it's negative. So
45:45
Speaker 1: we were talking like could vanity be so negative because
45:49
Speaker 1: any adoration that is not to like a higher power,
45:53
Speaker 1: that's not to God, right, this one entity though, as
45:56
Speaker 1: Catholics we pray to and believe in, Like is that
46:00
Speaker 1: I vanity is so harmful because then you're not adoring
46:03
Speaker 1: this one like omnipotent power, white male, gross, which also
46:10
Speaker 1: doesn't make sense that Jesus would be white. He's brown,
46:12
Speaker 1: He's Palestinian. Like, it doesn't make sense, Like this wasn't white.
46:16
Speaker 1: I do not get Okay, he wasn't a fucking Viking,
46:20
Speaker 1: wasn't sucking Nordic like he was Palestinian here, like hello,
46:25
Speaker 1: geographically he's brown anyway, this was a man of color
46:29
Speaker 1: he was, and he was radical and he was radical anyway.
46:36
Speaker 1: I don't know. I think this is just another example
46:38
Speaker 1: of like just being surveiled. I mean, and if you
46:42
Speaker 1: think of like all the atrocities that the Catholic Church
46:45
Speaker 1: has committed, both like historically like through the America through colonizing, colonization,
46:51
Speaker 1: but also even now with like the countless cover up
46:55
Speaker 1: and protection of pedophiles up until the current moment on
46:59
Speaker 1: liter really literally it's a mess. It's a mess. I
47:03
Speaker 1: told my mom. I was like, Mom, honestly, I like,
47:06
Speaker 1: all due respect, please don't even invite me, like to
47:09
Speaker 1: go to church, because I'm gonna. I'm not comfortable going.
47:11
Speaker 1: I don't want to go. I don't even want to
47:13
Speaker 1: step into the building. It creeps me out. It gives
47:15
Speaker 1: me the fucking heb gbs, like all of it, the
47:18
Speaker 1: abuse stuff, just it's too much. It's overwhelming. And and
47:23
Speaker 1: I think about the fact that someone like literally Cardinal
47:26
Speaker 1: Mahoney still works at a local l a church in
47:32
Speaker 1: Hollywood and gives mass. Cardinal Mahoney, Cardinal Mahoney, who if
47:36
Speaker 1: you're if you are not familiar, was one of like
47:40
Speaker 1: when when the sexual abuse cases in California churches and
47:44
Speaker 1: in the Los Angeles Archdiocese was really like blowing up
47:48
Speaker 1: and being looked at. Cardal Mahoney was one of the
47:50
Speaker 1: key players in knowingly just shuffling around pedophile priests from um,
47:57
Speaker 1: you know, church to church with full knowledge right of
48:01
Speaker 1: what was going on. And he's still giving services over
48:06
Speaker 1: here in the archdiocese. So I see that, and I
48:10
Speaker 1: see I see no attempts really truly for justice or
48:15
Speaker 1: to reconcile what has happened. So I want no parts.
48:19
Speaker 1: I'm not down. I would rather wear red lipstick and
48:21
Speaker 1: go be a fucking hoe like you know what I
48:23
Speaker 1: don't you know what our churches, Our churches brunch okay,
48:26
Speaker 1: that is that is where were congregate and that is
48:28
Speaker 1: where we like, you know, the dance floor, Goddess Goddess
48:33
Speaker 1: worship is ourselves and our friends. And that's that's where
48:36
Speaker 1: we're going to church, you know, that's where the knowledge
48:38
Speaker 1: is being spread. That's where the gospel is spoken at
48:42
Speaker 1: branch with their homegirls, with their friends. So they're a
48:45
Speaker 1: poetry reading with party with DJ Sizzle. That's where we
48:52
Speaker 1: find God, yes, Goddess Goddess in ourselves and ourselves. Um,
48:59
Speaker 1: God is blessed, God bless Oh. This reminds me. I
49:02
Speaker 1: saw Sancha perform at Viviana's which is a former cathedral,
49:07
Speaker 1: and Sancha puts on a very queer, very firm, very
49:11
Speaker 1: vain show and it was beautiful. I mean, it was
49:15
Speaker 1: part of the Red Bull Music Academy and they invited
49:17
Speaker 1: us out, So thank you Red Bull for having us
49:20
Speaker 1: Bull Sancha was amazing, incredible, so beautiful, her mixture of
49:24
Speaker 1: theater and music. Um, the aesthetics, the outfits, the makeup.
49:29
Speaker 1: She looked gorgeous. Like the entire production was amazing. And
49:32
Speaker 1: it was in a former cathedral. Right and here's this
49:35
Speaker 1: very weird like Chica next show. It was wonderful. Um,
49:39
Speaker 1: so shout out Sancha. One time when I was in
49:42
Speaker 1: the house, I have family in San Antonio, I went
49:44
Speaker 1: to a bar that was a convent. It was a
49:48
Speaker 1: convent turned into a bar. It was felt very sacrilegious.
49:52
Speaker 1: I loved it. Yes, it sounds great. Um. Anyway, I
49:58
Speaker 1: think that that is all I would say, Like biggest
50:00
Speaker 1: takeaway is like love yourself, yourself, Goddess worship is everything
50:06
Speaker 1: it is, um. You know, Cardinal rule is you know,
50:11
Speaker 1: love yourself, cardinal rule. God is blessed, like find God
50:14
Speaker 1: in yourself and that's that on that Yes, so remember
50:18
Speaker 1: where to follow us on Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, You know
50:22
Speaker 1: what to do like comment, engage everything you know. We
50:27
Speaker 1: love um sharing space with y'all and we will also
50:34
Speaker 1: be at you see I On March nine, we are
50:38
Speaker 1: giving a keynote at their sitcom, yes, which is they're
50:43
Speaker 1: basically social media conference, so that we're gonna be talking
50:46
Speaker 1: about social media from a lot of different perspectives, and
50:48
Speaker 1: we're going to talk about podcasting, social media, fem tech, um.
50:52
Speaker 1: So we're going to post these dates and all those
50:54
Speaker 1: information fires and all that on the gray. So yeah,
50:58
Speaker 1: come on out, keep up with us on social media.
51:01
Speaker 1: We will catch you next time. Look, amore is befit
51:05
Speaker 1: us mhm.