Latest / RiseUp - Live Joy Your Way / Ep. 13 – Toxic Relationships

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Ep. 13 – Toxic Relationships · RiseUp - Live Joy Your Way

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_01: Today's episode is produced by my friends at Walk West.
• 0:03
  SPEAKER_01: If you're looking to grow your brand and generate leads through podcast or video production, head over to walkwest.com.
• 0:10
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, let's start the show.
• 0:18
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to Rise Up.
• 0:20
  SPEAKER_00: Live Joy Your Way with Comedy Wood.
• 0:24
  SPEAKER_00: It's time to step into your power.
• 0:28
  SPEAKER_01: Hi everyone, and welcome to another episode of Rise Up, Live Joy Your Way.
• 0:33
  SPEAKER_01: I am Comedy Wood, and I am really glad that you are here today.
• 0:37
  SPEAKER_01: For those of you who do not know me, I am a certified life coach.
• 0:41
  SPEAKER_01: I work with people on healing that relationship with yourself and the ending of the outsourcing of self-worth in order to have healthier relationships and to be able to define success and happiness on your own terms so that you can have whatever life that you desire, both from a business and personal perspective.
• 1:03
  SPEAKER_01: Today I wanted to tackle the topic of toxic friendships.
• 1:07
  SPEAKER_01: This has really come up recently both from a personal perspective as well as from a client perspective.
• 1:17
  SPEAKER_01: Many times we are friends with people and we don't necessarily recognize what type of friendship we have.
• 1:26
  SPEAKER_01: Real solid friendships have the power to boost our mood, bring us lots of joy, improve our coping skills, and honestly, with that extra joy and happiness, it can even extend our lifespan.
• 1:41
  SPEAKER_01: One study actually from Australia showed that you are more likely to live longer if you do have strong social bonds.
• 1:50
  SPEAKER_01: Now, the contrary to that, of course, is true as well, right?
• 1:53
  SPEAKER_01: So if you have a toxic friendship or a toxic relationship in your life, it can actually negatively impact your health.
• 2:01
  SPEAKER_01: Because what happens is it brings down your vibration level, it impacts your mood, and eventually will have an effect on your health.
• 2:10
  SPEAKER_01: Because we all know that stress, overwhelm do negatively impact our physical being and our health.
• 2:18
  SPEAKER_01: So do toxic friendships and relationships.
• 2:21
  SPEAKER_01: So if you do feel that you are in a relationship, whether friendship or romantic, that might be harming your well-being, you may want to reconsider the relationship that you're in.
• 2:33
  SPEAKER_01: Now, how do we recognize a toxic relationship?
• 2:37
  SPEAKER_01: Well, first of all, you recognize that you can't trust them.
• 2:41
  SPEAKER_01: So trust is vital to any relationship that you have.
• 2:45
  SPEAKER_01: If you are in a friendship, if you're in a romantic relationship, and even workplace relationships, you have to be able to trust your coworkers.
• 2:52
  SPEAKER_01: That's just the baseline for a fulfilling relationship with somebody.
• 2:56
  SPEAKER_01: If for any reason trust becomes an issue, this should be a red flag to you that maybe the status of that friendship or relationship that you're in should be reevaluated.
• 3:06
  SPEAKER_01: Secondly, if you're feeling drained, a lot of times with toxic relationships, you're gonna start to feel emotionally exhausted when you interact with that person.
• 3:19
  SPEAKER_01: You tend to feel that there is this constant stress or this nagging or frustration when you're in the toxicity of the relationship.
• 3:28
  SPEAKER_01: A healthy relationship should never leave you feeling anxious, stressed out, emotionally drained, or feeling like you have to walk on eggshells.
• 3:38
  SPEAKER_01: So the moments that you start feeling that you have to tiptoe around somebody, or you have to really calculate everything that you're saying to them might be a red flag or an indication that there might be some toxicity in that relationship.
• 3:52
  SPEAKER_01: And you might want to take slow down, get present, and take an evaluation, take some time to evaluate the relationship that you're in.
• 4:01
  SPEAKER_01: A third tip that you might be in a toxic relationship is if you're always being criticized.
• 4:08
  SPEAKER_01: So honesty is important in relationships.
• 4:11
  SPEAKER_01: We should be able to be honest with the people that we're that we are in relationship with.
• 4:16
  SPEAKER_01: Again, we're talking friendships, romantic relationships, workplace relationships, because trust is the baseline for a good relationship, therefore, honesty is so important to relationship.
• 4:28
  SPEAKER_01: However, having said that, if somebody is constantly criticizing everything that you do or say or if they're putting you down, that's not honest necessarily.
• 4:40
  SPEAKER_01: That's more of um, it's rude, and it can also start to tend towards the line of emotional abuse.
• 4:47
  SPEAKER_01: And so when that starts to happen and you start to realize that most of the comments that you're facing are derogatory or putting you down or being overly critical, it might be a sign that you're dealing with someone who is uh a toxic friend, a toxic coworker, a toxic boss, a toxic, you know, you're just in a toxic relationship.
• 5:08
  SPEAKER_01: Again, it indicates that there might be something here that that requires further evaluation on your part.
• 5:15
  SPEAKER_01: Another indicator that there might be a toxic relationship is if there is a lot of drama.
• 5:22
  SPEAKER_01: So whether you are always arguing or it seems as though you're always causing trouble in the relationship, or you find that you're constantly needing their approval, or conversely, that they are constantly needing your help and support.
• 5:40
  SPEAKER_01: What for every reason, there always seems to be drama when you recognize that you're being pulled into this drama consistently, again, cause for pause, slow it down, take stock.
• 5:54
  SPEAKER_01: What type of relationship are you really in at that point?
• 5:58
  SPEAKER_01: Um, another indicator that there might be some toxicity in your relationship is if it's always one-sided or it feels lopsided.
• 6:08
  SPEAKER_01: So if the relationship always seems to be focused on the other person's needs, experiences, feelings, or problem propping them up, there might be a problem with that type of relationship.
• 6:21
  SPEAKER_01: If you're always the one who's listening, giving advice, or being supportive, or honestly having to take a back seat to the other person consistently, another way, another indicator that this might not be the healthiest of relationships to be in.
• 6:39
  SPEAKER_01: It should never be only one way.
• 6:42
  SPEAKER_01: Normal, healthy relationships are a give and take.
• 6:45
  SPEAKER_01: You know, it's so funny.
• 6:46
  SPEAKER_01: When I first got married, I remember my husband's uh grandmother said, remember that a marriage is not 50-50.
• 6:54
  SPEAKER_01: There's always someday that you're giving 80 and the other person's giving 20, and and likewise it should flip-flop, right?
• 7:02
  SPEAKER_01: So you're it's never consistently even, but it's also never consistently lopsided.
• 7:08
  SPEAKER_01: It's when those relationships are consistently one-sided that we have to slow down and and do that evaluation.
• 7:15
  SPEAKER_01: Is this healthy?
• 7:16
  SPEAKER_01: Am I being respected?
• 7:18
  SPEAKER_01: Am I in a positive environment or am I in a negative one?
• 7:23
  SPEAKER_01: Is this positively affecting my emotions consistently or negatively affecting my emotions consistently?
• 7:29
  SPEAKER_01: Because truthfully, when we're in that constant negative state or we're constantly feel like we're being put down or we don't feel heard or listened to, it it can negatively and adversely affect us, not just on that emotional level, but on that on that physical level as well.
• 7:47
  SPEAKER_01: Another indicator that you might be in a toxic relationship is if they are codependent.
• 7:52
  SPEAKER_01: So if you are in a relationship, again, we're talking all types of relationships here.
• 7:56
  SPEAKER_01: We're not just talking romantic, we're talking about friendships, we're talking about workplace relationships.
• 8:01
  SPEAKER_01: If that person is so needy and needing your attention all the time and wanting only you to spend time with them, this may be crossing those boundaries, the boundaries of you being your own person and you having your own space.
• 8:18
  SPEAKER_01: And if you here's an indicator, if you try to bring it up to them when you are in a toxic relationship, it many times uh the script will will flip to an accusation of abandonment or that uh you don't care about them.
• 8:35
  SPEAKER_01: And that's a clear indicator that there might be some toxicity happening as well.
• 8:40
  SPEAKER_01: Um, another another indicator of toxic relationships is when you honestly have taken on the responsibility for them.
• 8:49
  SPEAKER_01: You feel responsible not only for the things that they do, but you feel responsible for how they feel and if they're upset.
• 8:57
  SPEAKER_01: And it's when you're taking on those feelings of responsibility and you start to feel guilty for having your own feelings or your own thoughts, that could be an indicator and a red flag that there is a toxic relationship in front of you.
• 9:11
  SPEAKER_01: And then finally, if they do become jealous of your other friends or your other relationships, this is a big indicator because a lot of times with toxic relationships, they'd like you to isolate yourself.
• 9:23
  SPEAKER_01: They they really do want you to be all alone to them.
• 9:27
  SPEAKER_01: And the truth of the matter is, is you know, we're social beings and we do need outlets, and you can't only have necessarily one person in your life that you depend on all the time.
• 9:39
  SPEAKER_01: So the truth of the matter is, is if you are starting to feel like you um are isolated or alone, or you start to feel guilty if you are reaching out to other people and they put you down, that's a real indicator that you might want to, again, take some time, do some reflection on whether or not this is the healthiest of relationships.
• 10:05
  SPEAKER_01: Um, oftentimes when we are in toxic relationships, we can't see it.
• 10:10
  SPEAKER_01: We're so close to the situation.
• 10:12
  SPEAKER_01: So one of the other things that I always recommend, especially to my clients who are in those relationships, is when your other support systems, right?
• 10:21
  SPEAKER_01: So, like maybe it's um if it's a friendship, a toxic friendship that you're in, when your other friends uh alert you to it and say, hey, I'm not totally sure that this person is supportive of you, or it seems odd that they're kind of always putting you down, instead of knee-jerk reacting to it, I do really encourage people to slow down and get present and just take some time to reflect.
• 10:48
  SPEAKER_01: Reflect on what your other trusted friend is telling you and see if there might be some truth in how you're being treated.
• 10:57
  SPEAKER_01: Because again, when we stay in these toxic relationships for long durations of time, we end up thinking that there might be something wrong with us or that we are at fault.
• 11:08
  SPEAKER_01: And it goes back to the one base idea that I routinely go back to with the people that I work with, which is as humans, we are doing the best that we can with the information we have in front of us.
• 11:22
  SPEAKER_01: But in addition to that, we are not responsible for other people's happiness or responsible for how they react to situations.
• 11:32
  SPEAKER_01: We can contribute to it, but we're ultimately not responsible for it.
• 11:36
  SPEAKER_01: And in toxic relationships, most of the time, we are walking around thinking that we are ultimately responsible for how that other person is feeling, what they're thinking, what they're doing, and if something goes wrong in that person's life, we take it on as our own.
• 11:51
  SPEAKER_01: And that's when we really have to slow it down and recognize that that's not a healthy place for us to be in and for our own self-growth to actually happen.
• 12:00
  SPEAKER_01: So, in conclusion, if you are feeling uncomfortable or off balance, or you are feeling like, oh, there might be something here, I encourage you to take the time to just slow it down and just reevaluate.
• 12:13
  SPEAKER_01: Sometimes it's just a matter of being more communicative or you know, resetting those boundaries.
• 12:18
  SPEAKER_01: And if there really are a good friend or you know, the it's a true relationship, they'll have that conversation with you and they'll respect how you want to shift your boundaries.
• 12:29
  SPEAKER_01: It won't be easy, and it's never easy when we make shifts.
• 12:32
  SPEAKER_01: You know, people don't people don't like us to change, they're used to us being a certain way.
• 12:37
  SPEAKER_01: But if it's not healthy for us, we have to take ownership of that and we have to recognize our part in the situation.
• 12:43
  SPEAKER_01: And if we continue showing up in the same way and allowing the same relationship to dynamics to continue, you know, that's on us.
• 12:51
  SPEAKER_01: So we have to have our own ownership in the situation as well.
• 12:54
  SPEAKER_01: If you would like support in this or anything else going on in your life, feel free to visit chatwithcomony.com to book a complimentary time to chit, just chat, a confidential conversation about what's going on in your life and if there's a way that I might be able to support you.
• 13:11
  SPEAKER_01: Otherwise, definitely visit my website www.comonywood.com.
• 13:16
  SPEAKER_01: There are a lot of blog articles there that might be of help as well.
• 13:19
  SPEAKER_01: And until next time, I'm Comedy Wood.
• 13:24
  SPEAKER_00: Thanks for listening to Rise Up.
• 13:26
  SPEAKER_00: Always remember your uniqueness and the gift that you bring to this world.
• 13:30
  SPEAKER_00: Life happens for you, not to you.