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Empowering Midlife Women: Try These 4 Easy Strategies for Finding Joy and Fulfillment · Create The Best Me

• 0:00
  Carmen Hecox: Welcome to Create the Best Me.
• 0:02
  Carmen Hecox: I am Carmen Hecox, a personal development coach, and I am so excited to be connecting with you today.
• 0:09
  Carmen Hecox: Whether you're listening to the podcast or joining us on YouTube, my goal is to help women navigate through midlife challenges with compassion, inspiration, and empowering conversations.
• 0:21
  Carmen Hecox: Each week we'll dive into thought-provoking topics, designed to build self-confidence, overcome invisible women's syndrome, and find the courage to create the best version of yourself.
• 0:34
  Carmen Hecox: I'll also be joined by expert guest who will share the wisdom and insights, so make yourself comfortable and let's embark on this journey together.
• 0:44
  Carmen Hecox: Hi there and welcome to Create the Best Me, the show where we explore ways to help you become the best version of yourself.
• 0:51
  Carmen Hecox: Today I'm joined by the amazing Dr.
• 0:54
  Carmen Hecox: Jennifer Palladino.
• 0:55
  Carmen Hecox: She's not only a chiropractor, but she's also the host of Rock and Healthy Lifestyles podcast, where she chats with musicians, actors, and performers about mental health, emotional challenges, and how they maintain a healthy lifestyle.
• 1:10
  Carmen Hecox: Dr.
• 1:10
  Carmen Hecox: Jen is here to share her expert advice on how women in midlife can empower themselves and feel fully alive.
• 1:20
  Carmen Hecox: Midlife can be a challenging time for many women, but Dr.
• 1:24
  Carmen Hecox: Jen's four easy strategies will help you get back on track and embrace this exciting new phase of your life.
• 1:33
  Carmen Hecox: So grab a cup of tea, settle in, and get ready to be inspired
• 1:38
  Carmen Hecox: Hello, Jen, and welcome to this show.
• 1:40
  Carmen Hecox: I am so glad to have you on.
• 1:44
  Carmen Hecox: For the people that don't know you, can you tell us a little bit about yourself and your business?
• 1:48
  Jennifer Palladino: Sure, and thank you so much, Carmen, for having me on.
• 1:53
  Jennifer Palladino: I'm Dr.
• 1:53
  Jennifer Palladino: Jen Palladino.
• 1:55
  Jennifer Palladino: I'm a chiropractor who specializes in the injuries of instrumental musicians and performing artists, and I'm in private practice, and I'm also a sound healer and a podcast host.
• 2:11
  Carmen Hecox: Okay.
• 2:11
  Carmen Hecox: Can you talk a little bit about what sound healing is, and then can you talk about your podcast?
• 2:17
  Jennifer Palladino: Sure.
• 2:18
  Jennifer Palladino: Sound healing is imagine lying comfortably on a yoga mat with cushions And being surrounded by odd types of instrumental sounds, gongs, tibetan bowls, digeridoo.
• 2:37
  Jennifer Palladino: It brings you down into a very comforted place, almost like where the monks go to meditate, and it's excellent for deep relaxation, anxiety, depression, physical ailments like temporomandibular jaw problems, clenching, migraines.
• 2:59
  Jennifer Palladino: There's a lot of good it does.
• 3:02
  Jennifer Palladino: It's become very popular lately, especially in the yoga communities.
• 3:08
  Jennifer Palladino: But sound healing is extremely beneficial to the body, mind, and spirit.
• 3:14
  Carmen Hecox: So, is it kind of like a meditation?
• 3:16
  Carmen Hecox: You know, putting someone in a meditative state?
• 3:20
  Jennifer Palladino: Absolutely.
• 3:21
  Jennifer Palladino: It's hard.
• 3:22
  Jennifer Palladino: People say, oh, it's so hard to meditate.
• 3:24
  Jennifer Palladino: I have so many things going through my head I can't meditate.
• 3:28
  Jennifer Palladino: But this is almost like a guided meditation with sometimes words initially, but basically, it's just frequencies, tones, and vibrations.
• 3:40
  Carmen Hecox: It sounds very relaxing.
• 3:43
  Carmen Hecox: I'll have to go down to Southern California and give it a try.
• 3:48
  Jennifer Palladino: You'd be surprised what's around you.
• 3:51
  Jennifer Palladino: And also, if you wanna try it, you can always go on YouTube and just look up sound healing, sound baths; there's plenty on there.
• 4:02
  Carmen Hecox: Good.
• 4:02
  Carmen Hecox: Now tell us about your amazing podcast.
• 4:06
  Jennifer Palladino: Oh, thank you.
• 4:08
  Jennifer Palladino: My podcast is called Rock and Healthy Lifestyles, and I love talking with performing artists, popular musicians, and actors, and we talk about their life and career, their ups and downs and, what stirs their creative, juices and how they stay fit and fabulous in body, mind, and spirit.
• 4:34
  Carmen Hecox: And your episodes air, how frequent and what day can people look out for your episodes?
• 4:41
  Jennifer Palladino: I release them every two weeks on a Tuesday, and you can find them.
• 4:47
  Jennifer Palladino: They stream anywhere.
• 4:49
  Jennifer Palladino: You listen to podcasts, Spotify, Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, Stitcher, iHeartRadio, everything, Podbean.
• 4:58
  Jennifer Palladino: So pretty much everywhere.
• 5:00
  Jennifer Palladino: And it's interesting, I find different actors, musicians with all sorts of issues that we talk about.
• 5:12
  Jennifer Palladino: We've talked about addiction, we've talked about sobriety, we've talked about, I had two episodes aired in October for breast cancer awareness month of two music artists who had bouts of cancer and their stories.
• 5:33
  Jennifer Palladino: And I have everybody from child actors to the drummer of Def Leppard.
• 5:40
  Jennifer Palladino: There's a big selection, but it's really geared for a lot of how music and how entertainment and how art can uplift the spirit and how we can find solace Instead of drugs and alcohol and medications that maybe may or may not be necessary, but how you can find it through music or use music and art as an adjunct to healing.
• 6:09
  Carmen Hecox: And I will say I'm a fan.
• 6:11
  Carmen Hecox: I've listened to several of your episodes, and I will say what I admire about your podcast is that you get these movie stars or um, musicians I guess I put them at a different, almost like a different planet, because they're different.
• 6:28
  Carmen Hecox: Or at least I saw them before listening to your podcast as different kind of people, but you bring them down to more of a human or regular type of people.
• 6:40
  Carmen Hecox: And they discuss challenges that we have.
• 6:44
  Carmen Hecox: They're no than us.
• 6:46
  Carmen Hecox: They go through the exact same challenges, even though they're, successful or they're rich.
• 6:52
  Carmen Hecox: They're regular folks, and I like the way you bring them down and make them sound like regular people that have the same regular problems that the rest of us have.
• 7:05
  Jennifer Palladino: And guess what they do?
• 7:08
  Jennifer Palladino: They do.
• 7:09
  Jennifer Palladino: And I think it's also helpful to discuss those things for them as well.
• 7:15
  Jennifer Palladino: Certainly sharing that part of their life.
• 7:18
  Jennifer Palladino: Some people are very open about their trials and their triumphs.
• 7:24
  Jennifer Palladino: And that's important cuz this is what we all share this, and a lot of people just wanna help.
• 7:31
  Jennifer Palladino: They just wanna help.
• 7:32
  Jennifer Palladino: So, um, so we can look at sometimes our idols and see that, hey, They're not just what we saw on the screen as a child.
• 7:42
  Jennifer Palladino: Or not, what we just listen to on top 40 radio.
• 7:47
  Jennifer Palladino: They're just like us, and they have problems like us they're, and I'm so grateful that they share it.
• 7:54
  Jennifer Palladino: So yeah, it's, and my guess lists are just going to get more and more more interesting as time goes on.
• 8:03
  Carmen Hecox: The other thing I think that a lot of us get this misconceived notion that, if I had more money, then I wouldn't have these problems.
• 8:11
  Carmen Hecox: You know, I think your podcast really, know, changes, or at least for me, it changed my perspective that it doesn't matter how much money you have, you still have struggles.
• 8:21
  Carmen Hecox: We all have struggles.
• 8:25
  Jennifer Palladino: Well, more money brings more problems.
• 8:27
  Jennifer Palladino: It's just in a different.
• 8:28
  Jennifer Palladino: It's in a different category.
• 8:30
  Jennifer Palladino: So I mean, you hear all the time about lottery winners and a whole new set of problems that they experience.
• 8:38
  Jennifer Palladino: Of course, you know, everyone has the stress of money because we need to survive and we need to live.
• 8:47
  Jennifer Palladino: So, if that's not a constant pending, it really makes and has no bearing on our true emotions, and really, I am always a proponent of all you need is love.
• 9:03
  Carmen Hecox: The Beatles
• 9:03
  Jennifer Palladino: Yeah, Yay,
• 9:05
  Carmen Hecox: So I asked you to come on the show because you mentioned that entering midlife was the most positive experience of your life.
• 9:14
  Carmen Hecox: So I'd like to discuss why you feel this way and what happened along your journey as you were approaching midlife that it has given you such a positive perspective.
• 9:25
  Jennifer Palladino: Hmmmm.
• 9:26
  Jennifer Palladino: Well, I think we can all, whoever we are, we can all reflect back on our younger self.
• 9:32
  Jennifer Palladino: A lot of people sometimes forget the difficulties that they experienced growing up and on a day-to-day basis growing up.
• 9:42
  Jennifer Palladino: I have a really good memory.
• 9:44
  Jennifer Palladino: So yeah, I mean, things were happy, things were different, but things were tough and tricky to process.
• 9:50
  Jennifer Palladino: I think the midlife part of it you get to a point in your life where you just don't really value others' opinions as you used to.
• 10:04
  Jennifer Palladino: Now, that doesn't mean better or worse; I'm just saying it's different.
• 10:09
  Jennifer Palladino: Your own priorities take precedence how you view life because now you've had enough experience in your path to see things very differently than we can all agree.
• 10:25
  Jennifer Palladino: We all see things very differently than we did at 20 or 30 and, sometimes, 40.
• 10:34
  Jennifer Palladino: So the priorities change when our situations change.
• 10:40
  Jennifer Palladino: The older you get mid to later, you're not having children; you're having grandchildren.
• 10:47
  Jennifer Palladino: And so that shift in perspective is just what happens in midlife.
• 10:54
  Jennifer Palladino: I do notice with a lot, cuz I talk to a lot of patients, a lot of women, who are and have gone through or who are going through that midlife.
• 11:04
  Jennifer Palladino: And, um, a lot of it is negative.
• 11:07
  Jennifer Palladino: And I, I, I often question why.
• 11:11
  Carmen Hecox: So, do you think that you talked about your perspectives changed.
• 11:13
  Carmen Hecox: So could it be maybe when I'm younger, I keep saying, when I make enough money, I'm gonna buy that Mercedes-Benz.
• 11:20
  Carmen Hecox: And then 10 years later, I might say, it's not practical to have a Mercedes-Benz, now I'd rather have, that the money that I would've used toward purchasing this bling, I'd rather use it on, know, spending quality time with the people I love or traveling, doing something for myself.
• 11:45
  Jennifer Palladino: Priority shift.
• 11:46
  Jennifer Palladino: That's, that's what it is, priority shift.
• 11:49
  Jennifer Palladino: It's so funny.
• 11:50
  Jennifer Palladino: It's, it's true.
• 11:52
  Jennifer Palladino: It's what you used to, don't you sometimes everybody I'm saying, don't you sometimes look back and say, what was I thinking?
• 11:59
  Jennifer Palladino: Like why did I, for example this perfect example, when my son, I have a 26-year-old son.
• 12:06
  Jennifer Palladino: When he was a little boy, it was like, You just wanted to gather things.
• 12:11
  Jennifer Palladino: You just thought that if you had, you know, tons of furniture and lots of different China or place settings, or that your future would be better in some way.
• 12:29
  Jennifer Palladino: I can't wait to get rid of this stuff.
• 12:30
  Jennifer Palladino: You guys, it's like, what am I gonna use this for?
• 12:34
  Jennifer Palladino: Who could use this?
• 12:36
  Jennifer Palladino: How many different China patterns do I need?
• 12:39
  Jennifer Palladino: It's very different.
• 12:40
  Jennifer Palladino: It's almost like, I think, when you hit midlife, you're ready to dump a lot of the stuff that now you see, it's holding you back.
• 12:51
  Jennifer Palladino: Whereas you were trying to make gains.
• 12:53
  Jennifer Palladino: A lot of people think, oh, more is better.
• 12:55
  Jennifer Palladino: And that is so not true.
• 12:59
  Jennifer Palladino: That's so not true.
• 13:00
  Jennifer Palladino: Sometimes less is way better because there's a burden with all this stuff.
• 13:06
  Jennifer Palladino: And here's a lot of people can relate to this, Carmen, when you start taking care of your parents because they're aging and they have all that stuff, and you think, what am I gonna do with this?
• 13:23
  Jennifer Palladino: My kids don't want it.
• 13:25
  Jennifer Palladino: It's to them outdated.
• 13:27
  Jennifer Palladino: Yet, to me, it's so sentimental, but where am I gonna put it?
• 13:32
  Jennifer Palladino: How am I gonna use it?
• 13:34
  Jennifer Palladino: It's, it's a lot of that.
• 13:36
  Jennifer Palladino: So your priorities shift and change, and so your desires shift and change accordingly.
• 13:42
  Jennifer Palladino: And I think the best advice for people is it's, like the Tao Te Ching or the Tao, Tao one of the tenants that Lao Tzu, who was the prophet, said all those thousands of years ago.
• 13:59
  Jennifer Palladino: And I'm paraphrasing, of course; it's gotta flow like water.
• 14:04
  Jennifer Palladino: So when there are changes, You have to go with the changes.
• 14:09
  Jennifer Palladino: So that's what midlife has presented to me.
• 14:14
  Jennifer Palladino: And it makes me happier to think, okay, well, now I have my profession, and I've been in it for 30 plus years, and I've lived in my house for 30 plus years, and I have my child, he's 26.
• 14:28
  Jennifer Palladino: It's not like I'm looking to start a family or looking to buy a house or just graduated school and starting a business or practice.
• 14:37
  Jennifer Palladino: It's, it's already done for years.
• 14:41
  Jennifer Palladino: So when you get that priority shift, you look at things differently in a healthy way, and you should.
• 14:47
  Carmen Hecox: So you kind of look at midlife as a gift, as opposed to a crisis.
• 14:51
  Jennifer Palladino: Absolutely.
• 14:53
  Jennifer Palladino: Absolutely.
• 14:53
  Jennifer Palladino: Now I have to say, a lot of my patients, male and female, talk about, oh, I hate this.
• 15:02
  Jennifer Palladino: They talk about, well, we're getting old.
• 15:05
  Jennifer Palladino: No, you're getting old.
• 15:08
  Jennifer Palladino: I am not getting old.
• 15:10
  Jennifer Palladino: Not up here.
• 15:11
  Jennifer Palladino: It's up here.
• 15:12
  Jennifer Palladino: It's how you view things.
• 15:14
  Jennifer Palladino: Because I notice people that say that they're sick.
• 15:18
  Jennifer Palladino: They have ailments, they have limitations that they put on themselves.
• 15:25
  Jennifer Palladino: Their friends feel the same way.
• 15:29
  Jennifer Palladino: And I don't have that.
• 15:31
  Jennifer Palladino: I have friends in old age groups.
• 15:34
  Jennifer Palladino: I have a lot of young friends.
• 15:37
  Jennifer Palladino: I have a lot of very young friends.
• 15:39
  Jennifer Palladino: 25, 26, we go to concerts together.
• 15:42
  Jennifer Palladino: I have friends in their forties, and they turn me on to like all this crazy like metal music, and I turn them onto the old punk.
• 15:53
  Jennifer Palladino: But I'm always looking for great opportunities, and you can always recycle the things in life to suit your circumstances.
• 16:05
  Jennifer Palladino: So just take care of your health.
• 16:07
  Jennifer Palladino: Main thing biggest.
• 16:10
  Carmen Hecox: And I think that you, at least from I've known you for almost two years now, I would say that you live a very youthful life.
• 16:19
  Carmen Hecox: Don't judge Jen by your experience because of some of the things that you talk about, growing up and stuff; judge you based upon the way you carry yourself, and you carry yourself in a very youthful way.
• 16:35
  Carmen Hecox: I'm not saying that you're going out and doing some crazy 20-year-olds would do, but you're very, as you said, very fluid.
• 16:44
  Carmen Hecox: You're very open to learning new things.
• 16:48
  Carmen Hecox: You're not afraid to step out of that comfort zone.
• 16:50
  Carmen Hecox: This is the way we've done it, and this is the way it works.
• 16:54
  Carmen Hecox: You're open to try the new scary stuff.
• 16:59
  Jennifer Palladino: I am, I have to say, so my mom is gonna be 91 soon, and I had a really great close, tight relationship with my grandmother, my mother's mother.
• 17:10
  Jennifer Palladino: And she was, of course, old-fashioned as the term goes.
• 17:18
  Jennifer Palladino: And so I value a lot of, I guess, the style.
• 17:24
  Jennifer Palladino: I do have that component in me where I enjoy a lot of, like, for example, I enjoy a lot of, old black-and-white movies.
• 17:33
  Jennifer Palladino: To me, they're wonderful.
• 17:35
  Jennifer Palladino: It's definitely a hobby of mine, but yet I love Public Image Limited; that's Johnny Rotten from the Sex Pistols, his band; he's my hero.
• 17:46
  Jennifer Palladino: And I go see them, and there's mosh pits and things, and I get dressed up goth punk.
• 17:52
  Jennifer Palladino: I mean, so that balance of.
• 17:56
  Jennifer Palladino: Being able to just enjoy.
• 17:59
  Jennifer Palladino: You don't have to categorize anything.
• 18:01
  Jennifer Palladino: It's just you just have to enjoy what you like.
• 18:04
  Jennifer Palladino: And if you like something that's young, quote on quote, young, or you like something that's quote on quote old, I mean, that's the enrichment part.
• 18:15
  Jennifer Palladino: That's where the joy, that's where the enrichment comes from.
• 18:20
  Jennifer Palladino: It's those things give you joy.
• 18:22
  Carmen Hecox: So I wanna circle back to something you had said before.
• 18:26
  Carmen Hecox: How did you cope with the common challenges that many women face, during midlife, such as physical health and shift in relationships?
• 18:35
  Carmen Hecox: Because I'm pretty sure you've had that where your body feels a little bit different.
• 18:39
  Carmen Hecox: There's certain things that you can't control and shift in relationships because you did say that some of your patients, you've noticed they have that mindset of Debbie Downer, and you notice that the people they hang out with are also Debbie Downers.
• 18:53
  Carmen Hecox: From a personal perspective, how have you adapted to things that are out of your control?
• 18:59
  Carmen Hecox: Like physical change, shift in your health, and shift in relationships.
• 19:05
  Jennifer Palladino: Well, the health part, it's the nature of my job.
• 19:08
  Jennifer Palladino: I'm a doctor of chiropractic, so I'm educated in nutrition, and I've become like a bit; it's not extreme for me as a doctor giving patients advice and working with patients with supplementation and dietary shifts and changes.
• 19:30
  Jennifer Palladino: To my family, they think I'm insane, uh.
• 19:33
  Jennifer Palladino: But, and I think I'm careful with my diet.
• 19:38
  Jennifer Palladino: I haven't eaten fast food in, I don't know, 15 years.
• 19:44
  Jennifer Palladino: Yeah, never, not even enough.
• 19:46
  Jennifer Palladino: Not even a McDonald's fry.
• 19:49
  Jennifer Palladino: Not even one, because I know that's the detriment.
• 19:53
  Jennifer Palladino: So, and I'm not saying I'm Italian, and it's I love pastries, Italian pastries.
• 19:59
  Jennifer Palladino: It's not like I haven't had a cannoli, but I'm careful because of the sugar.
• 20:04
  Jennifer Palladino: And I take very specific supplementation.
• 20:10
  Jennifer Palladino: I also find that it's not just diet; it's certainly movement and exercise.
• 20:17
  Jennifer Palladino: And for me, If you don't get outside, I don't care what your weather is; you have to get outside and breathe.
• 20:27
  Jennifer Palladino: You have to get outside and just let your energy cuz we're in a room all the time.
• 20:32
  Jennifer Palladino: There's just limited space for your energy.
• 20:34
  Jennifer Palladino: The second you go outside, you can open that up, and you feel different when you come back in.
• 20:42
  Jennifer Palladino: And that, to me, is that break in the action, that being able to have quiet thoughts and breathe and then come back in and do what you need to do, it puts years on your life.
• 20:56
  Jennifer Palladino: So in the physical part of it, that to me is essential.
• 21:01
  Jennifer Palladino: That's going to extend my life.
• 21:04
  Jennifer Palladino: Now, as far as pains and aches and creeks, I mean, I had scoliosis since I'm a child, and so I had back pain as a teenager.
• 21:17
  Jennifer Palladino: So my back pain now is like, yeah, oh yeah, that, not that it hasn't gotten bad, but I always attribute it to being able to, it's helpful if I had to have it.
• 21:28
  Jennifer Palladino: I, it's great.
• 21:29
  Jennifer Palladino: I'm a chiropractor cuz I can definitely relate to my patient's pain.
• 21:33
  Jennifer Palladino: There's a lot of doctors who've never had that kind of pain, so they might know what to do.
• 21:39
  Jennifer Palladino: But that connection, that understanding, means everything.
• 21:43
  Jennifer Palladino: So my body changing in that respect.
• 21:47
  Jennifer Palladino: I mean, I understand the musculoskeletal pains from most of my life.
• 21:52
  Jennifer Palladino: But again, I try and keep healthy.
• 21:54
  Jennifer Palladino: I do yoga, hot yoga, I spin and walk.
• 21:58
  Jennifer Palladino: My walks are great nature walks and so on a daily basis.
• 22:04
  Jennifer Palladino: So I really try and keep my health and my well-being, mentally, emotionally, physically, on board.
• 22:14
  Jennifer Palladino: And as far as relationships go, uh, so I was married to my son's dad, and we are divorced, but we are good friends because we share something that is, means everything in the world to both of us.
• 22:29
  Jennifer Palladino: We have that commonality, and so my relationship with my ex-husband is good.
• 22:34
  Jennifer Palladino: Not to say I don't wanna punch him in the nose every now and then, but.
• 22:39
  Jennifer Palladino: I'm sure he feels the same way, but we make it work because, you know, I mean, he's, he's a good person.
• 22:46
  Jennifer Palladino: It's just you start to move away in a lot of ways as time goes on, and we were together for a long time, and that changes people sometimes.
• 22:56
  Jennifer Palladino: So I hear a lot of stories, don't forget, I have patients who come and tell me some crazy stuff, some about their horrifying divorces, and I think, wow.
• 23:06
  Jennifer Palladino: I mean, I'm really lucky to not have had that.
• 23:09
  Jennifer Palladino: So yeah, that's been, I guess, in my corner.
• 23:12
  Carmen Hecox: So you've chosen to have the relationship with your ex-husband be a healthy relationship regardless to why the marriage didn't work.
• 23:21
  Carmen Hecox: You've taken the spin out of it and said, Hey, it didn't work.
• 23:25
  Carmen Hecox: We have this beautiful child that we brought into this world, and our relationship being healthy; my son interprets this as this is what a relationship should be like.
• 23:38
  Carmen Hecox: This is what healthy is like.
• 23:40
  Carmen Hecox: So you guys are like an example per se.
• 23:43
  Jennifer Palladino: I don't know about that.
• 23:44
  Jennifer Palladino: But because you know, Carmen, life is not black and white it shades of gray.
• 23:53
  Jennifer Palladino: And the sooner we accept that, when I say black and white, I mean a lot of people like, no, you should, your relationship should be like this or it shouldn't be like that.
• 24:04
  Jennifer Palladino: It's like, I mean, let's face it, you again, you go with the flow of life right.
• 24:11
  Jennifer Palladino: And, so, it's definitely shades of gray.
• 24:14
  Jennifer Palladino: I mean, I certainly care about this person.
• 24:16
  Jennifer Palladino: We've had history together, but, and he has a girlfriend for, oh, I don't know, like, at least 10 years now, maybe 11.
• 24:23
  Jennifer Palladino: So, you know, I, I just, um, things changed between us.
• 24:28
  Jennifer Palladino: So do I still care about him?
• 24:30
  Jennifer Palladino: Yeah.
• 24:31
  Jennifer Palladino: Would, would I still help him if he or his girlfriend needed help?
• 24:35
  Jennifer Palladino: Of course, it's just maybe it's my nature, maybe it's his nature.
• 24:39
  Jennifer Palladino: You know, it's just we realize, or excuse me, I realized that our marriage wasn't working because I wasn't able to be fulfilled.
• 24:49
  Jennifer Palladino: We just didn't have that part.
• 24:51
  Jennifer Palladino: We ha and we still maintain like decent aspects of our knowing each other.
• 24:56
  Jennifer Palladino: But, in that respect, it's, we grew up and out.
• 25:01
  Jennifer Palladino: So, but I'm very grateful that we have that.
• 25:05
  Jennifer Palladino: It's important for us to have that and certainly for my son to understand that he's like my parents.
• 25:13
  Carmen Hecox: But I think it gives your son that sense of closeness, that he doesn't have to choose sides or anything like that, that he has a mom and he has a dad, and they're good people.
• 25:25
  Carmen Hecox: They're different people, but they're good people, and they're people that can work cohesively.
• 25:31
  Carmen Hecox: And I think that's very important.
• 25:33
  Jennifer Palladino: Totally.
• 25:34
  Jennifer Palladino: And maybe we're cohesively, but I mean, we still have our own styles.
• 25:38
  Jennifer Palladino: We like to go back and forth, still argue about things, but we can still sit down.
• 25:44
  Jennifer Palladino: I know this sounds crazy, and people are like, what?
• 25:47
  Jennifer Palladino: We can still sit down, and we're like, Hey, why don't we put on our wedding video, and we'll count, oh gee, can you believe how many people have passed away since all those years ago?
• 25:57
  Jennifer Palladino: You know, and we'll laugh about things.
• 25:59
  Jennifer Palladino: But then again, I, I might get mad that cuz he comes to visit my son all the time.
• 26:05
  Jennifer Palladino: So, I mean, I see him often enough, but, Do I wanna be married to him?
• 26:09
  Jennifer Palladino: No.
• 26:10
  Jennifer Palladino: Does he wanna be married to me?
• 26:11
  Jennifer Palladino: No.
• 26:12
  Jennifer Palladino: But do we wanna um, continue a, a decent connection and friendship and relationship?
• 26:18
  Jennifer Palladino: Sure.
• 26:19
  Jennifer Palladino: So that's kind of sorta how it is.
• 26:21
  Jennifer Palladino: Um, and so I'm, I'm very grateful about that because Is it unusual?
• 26:26
  Jennifer Palladino: I don't think so.
• 26:27
  Jennifer Palladino: I think a lot of people have pretty; there's a lot of people out there who have decent post-divorce relationships.
• 26:36
  Carmen Hecox: I think that's very impressive that you said that you two don't mind sitting down and watching the video of your wedding.
• 26:43
  Carmen Hecox: Because my parents were married for 21 years, and then they got a divorce.
• 26:48
  Carmen Hecox: And my mom found it very important to have a relationship with my dad.
• 26:53
  Carmen Hecox: It was just a friendship, and it was more for us.
• 26:57
  Carmen Hecox: And even though we were all grown, but she just felt that it was important because she didn't want us choosing sides.
• 27:04
  Carmen Hecox: And I look back and I'm like, wow, my mom is such an amazing woman that she did that for us.
• 27:11
  Carmen Hecox: Even though my father didn't see things like she did.
• 27:15
  Carmen Hecox: My father passed away about three years ago, but I have these wonderful memories of my parents because they, my dad, lived for another 21 22 years.
• 27:28
  Carmen Hecox: But I have those memories of growing up with my parents and then growing older with my parents from a different perspective.
• 27:38
  Carmen Hecox: And so, I commend you that, that you and your ex-husband are able to say that was a portion of our life, we can't erase it, but this is the season we're in now.
• 27:52
  Jennifer Palladino: Right, exactly.
• 27:54
  Jennifer Palladino: And I would never wanna erase it, maybe I tweak it; maybe tweak here and there.
• 28:00
  Jennifer Palladino: Oh, maybe I should have done that instead, or, but I mean, basically, no, I think.
• 28:06
  Jennifer Palladino: When you love someone, you love them for who they are, right.
• 28:11
  Jennifer Palladino: As long as you're not being abused physically or emotionally, whatever else there is.
• 28:17
  Jennifer Palladino: I, I think that I'll always love him.
• 28:20
  Jennifer Palladino: Certainly.
• 28:20
  Jennifer Palladino: I mean, I do, but
• 28:22
  Carmen Hecox: But it's different.
• 28:23
  Carmen Hecox: It's a different kind of love.
• 28:25
  Carmen Hecox: It's not the love when you first get married.
• 28:29
  Jennifer Palladino: Romantic.
• 28:30
  Jennifer Palladino: No, it's not romantic.
• 28:31
  Jennifer Palladino: No, no, no.
• 28:33
  Carmen Hecox: So, tell me, do you think that perhaps having this different perspective or way of looking at your past to your present, do you think that maybe that may have giving you more peace with entering midlife?
• 28:53
  Carmen Hecox: Do you think that the way you've accepted that this was my married life?
• 28:58
  Carmen Hecox: This is my single life.
• 29:00
  Carmen Hecox: This is the relationship I'm going to have with my ex-husband.
• 29:03
  Carmen Hecox: Helped you move through midlife as you were going through it.
• 29:08
  Jennifer Palladino: Well, when you're going through it, you kind of don't analyze it like that because when you do analyze it, it's usually like hindsight.
• 29:19
  Jennifer Palladino: Like, first of all, you think, oh my gosh, how'd I get through that?
• 29:24
  Jennifer Palladino: But when you're looking back like that, other than maybe I would've done this too, I don't think I would've done anything differently.
• 29:30
  Jennifer Palladino: I, I just naturally progressed into moving further away.
• 29:36
  Jennifer Palladino: But yeah, I, I mean, I don't think I would've done anything differently, and I was always good alone, just in general.
• 29:46
  Jennifer Palladino: I always have, even now, I always have projects, and I get excited about doing things, and I have friends, and I'm not walking around going, gee, gee, I'm lonely.
• 30:01
  Jennifer Palladino: So, That is very helpful to where when you're not with a partner when you go from being with a partner to not being with a partner, and we were together a significant amount of time, I don't know, 18 years, something like that.
• 30:16
  Jennifer Palladino: And, when you go from having a partner to not having a partner, I, I had my own business.
• 30:23
  Jennifer Palladino: I had a well-established business, friends already.
• 30:28
  Jennifer Palladino: It wasn't like that part of me had to reinvent.
• 30:32
  Jennifer Palladino: I think what you have to reinvent is who you are.
• 30:37
  Jennifer Palladino: Or who you'll be as a romantic partner.
• 30:40
  Jennifer Palladino: Cuz a lot of times in a marriage, that fades away, and people kind of move away from that.
• 30:47
  Jennifer Palladino: But then you're, he's not in the picture, or she's not in the picture anymore, so you have to, or for women, he's not in the picture anymore.
• 30:54
  Jennifer Palladino: You have to, or she, and you have to reinvent yourself.
• 30:58
  Jennifer Palladino: So the reinvention is usually on so many levels, but I didn't have that always maintain my own deal when it came to friends and business and so forth.
• 31:10
  Jennifer Palladino: As far as the I, for lack of better term, romantic part of me, I just had to allow that to happen.
• 31:19
  Jennifer Palladino: And, you meet somebody, and they have, they bring different things to the table, and so you can maybe touch upon things that you had never known about yourself, which has happened, and then you grow out of that as well.
• 31:37
  Jennifer Palladino: So, but there's always a takeaway.
• 31:40
  Jennifer Palladino: There's always a takeaway from any relationship we have.
• 31:44
  Jennifer Palladino: Even if it was a bad relationship, oh, gee, I, I don't think I'll be doing that again.
• 31:50
  Jennifer Palladino: It's a takeaway.
• 31:51
  Jennifer Palladino: It's a great takeaway.
• 31:53
  Jennifer Palladino: And if you look at all these as not failures, but I guess, trophies that you could set up in your emotional mind and say, look what I learned.
• 32:03
  Jennifer Palladino: Look what I'm not gonna do.
• 32:05
  Jennifer Palladino: Look how I've changed.
• 32:08
  Jennifer Palladino: I would've never thought that way then, but I think this way now.
• 32:13
  Jennifer Palladino: So there are no mistakes.
• 32:16
  Jennifer Palladino: I didn't make that up.
• 32:17
  Jennifer Palladino: There are no mistakes.
• 32:19
  Jennifer Palladino: as long as you, you learn from them.
• 32:22
  Jennifer Palladino: And so I think relationships too, new relationships that you come into, even romantic relationships that you come into, bring different things to the forefront because now it's with a different person, and you are a different person than all those Jennifers ago.
• 32:40
  Jennifer Palladino: That's how I say it.
• 32:41
  Jennifer Palladino: Uh, a million Jennifers ago.
• 32:44
  Jennifer Palladino: So.
• 32:45
  Carmen Hecox: Cuz I know like some women might be challenged by, oh, I look old.
• 32:51
  Carmen Hecox: Your body's changing.
• 32:52
  Carmen Hecox: I'm getting fat.
• 32:53
  Carmen Hecox: Or, their friends are in a different season than they are.
• 32:59
  Carmen Hecox: And so, I find that this happens a lot during midlife, and it's either like you said, you become fluid and go with the flow, or you become stagnant and get stuck into, well, it's always worked this way, so let's do it this way.
• 33:15
  Carmen Hecox: And how far is that gonna get you?
• 33:17
  Jennifer Palladino: Well.
• 33:17
  Jennifer Palladino: Well, it's like any math equation; you're gonna get the same sum if you don't change the factors.
• 33:25
  Jennifer Palladino: So, I, I hear a lot of women, they're stuck.
• 33:29
  Jennifer Palladino: They're stuck.
• 33:30
  Jennifer Palladino: They're stuck.
• 33:30
  Jennifer Palladino: Well, a lot of that's stuck is because of their cortisol levels are high, because their stress is high because they don't challenge themselves and find a proper dietary plan where they can lose weight, and it's out there, and it's not a fad.
• 33:49
  Jennifer Palladino: It's there's some really reputable, serious ways that you can lose weight, and you can always change your hairstyle and get some new makeup and new clothes.
• 34:02
  Jennifer Palladino: So I don't put up with that.
• 34:04
  Jennifer Palladino: I can't kind of thing.
• 34:06
  Jennifer Palladino: And it all starts with emotion.
• 34:09
  Jennifer Palladino: You gotta get your emotions in check first.
• 34:12
  Jennifer Palladino: Everything will follow.
• 34:14
  Jennifer Palladino: But if you're constantly in that same draggy down, maybe a high-stress job that you take home with you because you know the boss is an idiot or whatever, but you need the paycheck.
• 34:27
  Jennifer Palladino: There's just, there's so many things that you can change, but you have to change the factors in the equation to get a different sum.
• 34:35
  Jennifer Palladino: This is, this is how the world works.
• 34:37
  Jennifer Palladino: So you can do that within your own life, and you'll find changes for sure.
• 34:43
  Carmen Hecox: So tell me, how did you prioritize your own well-being and happiness in your life?
• 34:48
  Carmen Hecox: You know, to give you a positive perspective.
• 34:51
  Carmen Hecox: Cuz like I said, you tend to release a lot of positive.
• 34:54
  Carmen Hecox: Were you always this way?
• 34:55
  Carmen Hecox: Or did you say, hey, you know what, I want change, and here's how it's gonna happen?
• 35:01
  Jennifer Palladino: No, I was not always this way; I was ha.
• 35:05
  Jennifer Palladino: No, no.
• 35:06
  Jennifer Palladino: As a kid, I was as a teenager, really, let's say.
• 35:10
  Jennifer Palladino: No, absolutely not.
• 35:12
  Jennifer Palladino: I was almost pessimistic.
• 35:15
  Jennifer Palladino: But with this current like optimistic current, under riding me because my mother is the most optimistic person.
• 35:26
  Jennifer Palladino: That lady can talk anybody off a ledge, and she's talked me off plenty.
• 35:34
  Jennifer Palladino: And so, I, I learned by example how negative can you be cuz negativity is like, you're so negative, you're so negative.
• 35:45
  Jennifer Palladino: And then it's like, you see, this doesn't work, and that doesn't work well, you keep feeding it.
• 35:49
  Jennifer Palladino: What do you think if you changed your attitude?
• 35:53
  Jennifer Palladino: I mean, how much can you bang your head up against the wall if you change your attitude and looked at the positive things?
• 36:00
  Jennifer Palladino: I'll give you a good example, people talk to me a lot about death and dying, and loss and the grief from loss is a big subject matter.
• 36:10
  Jennifer Palladino: And that grief is, it's very sad, and it takes you down and, but I always, I always equate it to my cat.
• 36:20
  Jennifer Palladino: I'm a cat person, and my cat was two weeks shy of being 19, and she had at least 10 years of kidney disease.
• 36:31
  Jennifer Palladino: And the vets, like, how?
• 36:33
  Jennifer Palladino: Well, because I take good care of my cats.
• 36:35
  Jennifer Palladino: I mean, good care.
• 36:37
  Jennifer Palladino: But at this point, she was going through the process, and she was dying, and it was, it was very hard emotionally.
• 36:46
  Jennifer Palladino: Cuz You know, I've had her since she was four months old, and here she is, two weeks shy of being 19.
• 36:52
  Jennifer Palladino: It's a long time, and through significant times, my little boy picked her out, and now, all these years later.
• 37:01
  Jennifer Palladino: So as she was dying, I called the vet, scheduled a vet to come to the house to put her to sleep because, um, because it was, it was getting, I didn't want her to suffer, and I knew that I had to face this huge grief, what was gonna be huge grief for me, but it was for her.
• 37:24
  Jennifer Palladino: I, I had to put myself aside and do what was right for her because of my love for her.
• 37:33
  Jennifer Palladino: So, because I did that, I look back at it, and I go like this.
• 37:40
  Jennifer Palladino: I pat myself on the back because I was able to be strong, not to be swayed by my emotions because I couldn't experience the pain, but it was for her out of my love for her.
• 37:54
  Jennifer Palladino: This, I guess, how can I say it?
• 37:57
  Jennifer Palladino: Like, it helps with grief.
• 37:58
  Jennifer Palladino: When you say I rallied for that person or that furson, I rallied for that loved being.
• 38:06
  Jennifer Palladino: And so in that it helps me grieve more easier, I guess because, or easier because I, I was there for that person or that being that pet, whichever, and it makes a difference when you look at change like that, you have to look.
• 38:28
  Jennifer Palladino: The positive aspects of things, and that was a positive aspect of her death that her owner, who loved her dearly, was there every moment making her as comfortable as possible for her transition.
• 38:43
  Jennifer Palladino: So it's a tough situation to look at, but it really applies to looking at the positive things in life.
• 38:52
  Jennifer Palladino: Instead of getting stuck in the negativity, you have to turn around and look what's good.
• 38:57
  Carmen Hecox: Find the good in the difficult situation.
• 39:01
  Carmen Hecox: Or find the good in the grief.
• 39:04
  Jennifer Palladino: Yes.
• 39:05
  Jennifer Palladino: Find the good in the difficult situation or the grief of, say, a particular situation like that.
• 39:11
  Jennifer Palladino: She was 18, almost 19 years old, positive.
• 39:16
  Jennifer Palladino: She was well-loved, kept safe, fed.
• 39:20
  Jennifer Palladino: She had other cats around.
• 39:22
  Jennifer Palladino: She was healthy except for this issue.
• 39:25
  Jennifer Palladino: Um, she had a good life.
• 39:27
  Jennifer Palladino: I mean, it gave me, as a, as a responsible pet owner, it gave me a sense of, I guess, accomplishment.
• 39:37
  Jennifer Palladino: Um, and I had the most important thing was I had that magnificent love with her in my life.
• 39:46
  Jennifer Palladino: All you need is love.
• 39:48
  Jennifer Palladino: It boils down to that.
• 39:50
  Jennifer Palladino: So those are amazing things.
• 39:53
  Jennifer Palladino: Absolutely amazing things.
• 39:56
  Jennifer Palladino: So that's what I'm saying.
• 39:57
  Jennifer Palladino: If you look at the goodness and the positivity instead of, I, I miss my cat, of course, I miss my cat.
• 40:06
  Jennifer Palladino: But when I feel those ways, I always think to myself, good mommy.
• 40:12
  Jennifer Palladino: Thank goodness I was there for her.
• 40:14
  Jennifer Palladino: So that's how I turn it around.
• 40:16
  Carmen Hecox: So let me add in here.
• 40:18
  Carmen Hecox: Your mom was a school teacher growing up, and you had mentioned that when you were younger, you weren't as positive as you are now.
• 40:28
  Carmen Hecox: So do you feel that maybe having your mom as a role model perhaps?
• 40:36
  Carmen Hecox: Attributed to your positive outlook now because you kind of like instilled that in you growing up, even though you maybe didn't want, weren't ready to accept it back then, but you reached a point in your life where mom's words started to make sense.
• 40:50
  Jennifer Palladino: Yes.
• 40:51
  Jennifer Palladino: Well, I a little backstory.
• 40:53
  Jennifer Palladino: I had a very difficult situation growing up.
• 40:55
  Jennifer Palladino: My dad had severe mental illness, and my mother, of course, she didn't know until the marriage, of course, and then this tragic, tragic situation happened.
• 41:06
  Jennifer Palladino: And um, but in the face of it all, she had to protect her daughters and try and, and, and make the best of the situation.
• 41:17
  Jennifer Palladino: And eventually they got divorced and because it was just better for her to separate us out from that household.
• 41:24
  Jennifer Palladino: Cuz it could have gotten, it could have gotten dangerous, really.
• 41:29
  Jennifer Palladino: So as a little girl growing up, seeing that and loving your parents, but seeing difficulty, trying to make sense out of all the the uncertainty and just, I mean, there's, for people who have experienced that, they get it, I'm sure, but it's, such tumultuous, situation and then to be a little girl so vulnerable, it really shapes you.
• 41:56
  Jennifer Palladino: And so I've had to really climb out of a lot of those ideas about how it shaped me.
• 42:04
  Jennifer Palladino: And that was, that's been a challenge.
• 42:06
  Jennifer Palladino: So, of course, as a teenager, you you go through that rebellious, but I'm generally a rebellious person, which is good.
• 42:16
  Jennifer Palladino: I I look at it as a positive attribute.
• 42:18
  Jennifer Palladino: But, it was getting heavy at points.
• 42:21
  Jennifer Palladino: But again, I always had that thread.
• 42:25
  Jennifer Palladino: My, my mother's an unusual person in that I, I couldn't have been blessed with a better mother; she was my savior, really.
• 42:35
  Jennifer Palladino: That's how I view it.
• 42:36
  Jennifer Palladino: And my sister too, cuz my sister is very positive as well.
• 42:43
  Jennifer Palladino: And so, and it was because of our mother.
• 42:46
  Jennifer Palladino: So it just took time, time to really see, but she always fostered like any ideas I had creative, or she always fostered that and encouraged me to be a chiropractor.
• 43:01
  Jennifer Palladino: And even when I said, Hey mom, I'm moving 3000 miles away to go to school.
• 43:06
  Jennifer Palladino: She encouraged, she didn't want me to, but she encouraged me to do it because she wanted me to be happy.
• 43:12
  Jennifer Palladino: And I'm still 3000 miles away, almost 40 years later.
• 43:16
  Jennifer Palladino: So I just saw from her tried and true positivity that there's nothing like it.
• 43:24
  Jennifer Palladino: There's no; you can rally the troops by being positive.
• 43:28
  Jennifer Palladino: And when I see, when I say rally the troops, I mean friends and people.
• 43:34
  Jennifer Palladino: There's just so much to be excited about.
• 43:37
  Jennifer Palladino: It's just you have to see it.
• 43:39
  Jennifer Palladino: Oh, but so-and-so's dying.
• 43:41
  Jennifer Palladino: Or, this horrifying thing is happening.
• 43:44
  Jennifer Palladino: Yeah, I know, but you can still be a happy person with tragedies happening as opposed to just absorbing those tragedies and letting those tragedies define you.
• 43:57
  Jennifer Palladino: Difference.
• 43:58
  Jennifer Palladino: Difference.
• 43:59
  Carmen Hecox: I mean, I've gone through challenges in my life, and some people sometimes ask me, like, cuz I have an ex-husband as well, and people have asked me, why don't you hate him?
• 44:10
  Carmen Hecox: You should hate him for what he did.
• 44:13
  Carmen Hecox: I don't hate him or anyone who came into my life from after my ex-husband to this point.
• 44:21
  Carmen Hecox: Because I feel like negative or positive, whatever happened along my journey has made me the person I am today.
• 44:34
  Carmen Hecox: Those experiences, whether they were negative or positive, have helped shape me to who I am.
• 44:43
  Carmen Hecox: Little, yeah, little trophies.
• 44:45
  Carmen Hecox: Some of them are little broken trophies, but they're trophies.
• 44:49
  Jennifer Palladino: Mm-hmm.
• 44:50
  Jennifer Palladino: They still have a place.
• 44:53
  Jennifer Palladino: Mm-hmm.
• 44:54
  Jennifer Palladino: Yeah.
• 44:55
  Jennifer Palladino: Yeah.
• 44:56
  Jennifer Palladino: Yeah.
• 44:56
  Jennifer Palladino: That's, that's a good way to look at it.
• 44:57
  Carmen Hecox: Yeah.
• 44:58
  Carmen Hecox: Cuz had those experiences not happened?
• 45:01
  Carmen Hecox: Who would I be today?
• 45:03
  Jennifer Palladino: Right?
• 45:03
  Jennifer Palladino: Right.
• 45:04
  Jennifer Palladino: People get stuck in those relationships.
• 45:06
  Jennifer Palladino: They're afraid to move because the fear is so overwhelming.
• 45:11
  Jennifer Palladino: But sometimes, when you're licking the bottom of the barrel, you realize after the last lick you can't go any further down.
• 45:19
  Jennifer Palladino: So there's only one way to go, and that's up.
• 45:23
  Jennifer Palladino: So things can only get better.
• 45:24
  Jennifer Palladino: Ah, okay.
• 45:26
  Jennifer Palladino: So that's a horse of a different color right there.
• 45:29
  Carmen Hecox: Yeah, I like that.
• 45:31
  Carmen Hecox: I really like that so tell me, how did you build a support system of friends and loved ones who have helped you throughout your time?
• 45:41
  Carmen Hecox: I know you initially you said you have friends that are of different ages.
• 45:45
  Jennifer Palladino: I think, just being in the community doing what I do.
• 45:49
  Jennifer Palladino: I've made friends with a lot of patients, too, because I have patients who've come to me for years as I'm their family doctor, they're a chiropractor, and they go through a million different MDs through their, um, HMOs.
• 46:08
  Jennifer Palladino: But I'm always there for them.
• 46:10
  Jennifer Palladino: So that's been good.
• 46:12
  Jennifer Palladino: But again, I think just through our experiences in life, I just growing up, people back from New York, cuz I grew up in New York as if you couldn't tell from this accent.
• 46:25
  Jennifer Palladino: Um, so I still have friends from all those years ago, and my family is still there.
• 46:30
  Jennifer Palladino: So, but then I came out here to California for graduate school, and I still have friends from graduate school.
• 46:37
  Jennifer Palladino: And then, of course, life, just how it presents, you know, well, the mom's club from when my son was a little boy too.
• 46:45
  Jennifer Palladino: I worked for American Ballet Theater when Mikhail Baryshnikov was artistic director.
• 46:50
  Jennifer Palladino: I have friends from that.
• 46:52
  Jennifer Palladino: I have friends from all the different projects that I've done and the gyms that I've worked out for.
• 46:58
  Jennifer Palladino: I mean, you know, you just as you accumulate friends as you go along, and so that becomes a support system.
• 47:06
  Jennifer Palladino: Especially because I don't have my family in the next town or down the block.
• 47:12
  Jennifer Palladino: They're all the way back east, so my friends are pretty prominent in my life in that way.
• 47:17
  Carmen Hecox: But have you always been the kind of person that, as a little girl you, had a lot of friends?
• 47:23
  Jennifer Palladino: No, hell no.
• 47:25
  Jennifer Palladino: No, no.
• 47:26
  Jennifer Palladino: I because I was such a quirky kid, I was a sad child because of what was going on.
• 47:33
  Jennifer Palladino: And I was an outcast cuz I grew up in a town that I wasn't; I grew up in a wealthy Jewish neighborhood, and I was neither, but my mother was a teacher in the school,district and she was well-loved, and because of that, I had you're Mrs.
• 47:47
  Jennifer Palladino: Palladino's daughter?
• 47:48
  Jennifer Palladino: Yes.
• 47:49
  Jennifer Palladino: That's where I had my friends from, but my sister was Miss High School.
• 47:54
  Jennifer Palladino: She was really in for me' no, I liked the work, school work, but I didn't like the social aspect of school because I was going through kind of a living hell with my father's situation.
• 48:09
  Jennifer Palladino: And so it was just a question of time to process.
• 48:12
  Jennifer Palladino: But I always saw, I saw my mother super social.
• 48:16
  Jennifer Palladino: She loves to be social and nice and kind.
• 48:20
  Jennifer Palladino: I saw it firsthand, and it always boils down to that saying, You get more flies with honey than vinegar or something like that.
• 48:30
  Jennifer Palladino: It's true.
• 48:32
  Jennifer Palladino: People respond way better with a kind word than with a sharp word.
• 48:38
  Jennifer Palladino: And so when you're taking care of people, cuz I'm a nurturer by, I guess, osmosis.
• 48:47
  Jennifer Palladino: And so I can't yell at a patient, or hurry up, throw'em out cuz I have 15 more.
• 48:53
  Jennifer Palladino: No, I, I encourage them.
• 48:56
  Jennifer Palladino: Because I see their potential, and I'm very grateful that they've landed on my doorstep.
• 49:01
  Jennifer Palladino: So I can kind of say, no, look at it this way, not this way.
• 49:07
  Jennifer Palladino: And so that's been very helpful.
• 49:10
  Jennifer Palladino: And to see those changes, to see those positive changes, wow.
• 49:14
  Jennifer Palladino: It just makes me happy to be able to be part of that and help people like that.
• 49:19
  Jennifer Palladino: So it took time.
• 49:21
  Jennifer Palladino: It just takes time.
• 49:23
  Jennifer Palladino: You can't let your anger and your fear and your bitterness or resentful being resentful.
• 49:30
  Jennifer Palladino: You can't let that like color your world or get in your way.
• 49:34
  Jennifer Palladino: There's got to be a way to get people say, wait, how do I get rid of that?
• 49:38
  Jennifer Palladino: I, I'm so full of that emotion.
• 49:40
  Jennifer Palladino: Get outside and take a walk, breathe, get some fresh air.
• 49:45
  Jennifer Palladino: Go take a yoga class.
• 49:47
  Jennifer Palladino: Move your body as best you can.
• 49:51
  Jennifer Palladino: Oh, I need a knee replacement, some people might say.
• 49:54
  Jennifer Palladino: Okay, but there are other things you can do.
• 49:56
  Jennifer Palladino: You can, at least you can, sit outside.
• 49:59
  Jennifer Palladino: It's so important to connect with nature.
• 50:02
  Jennifer Palladino: These things change your attitude.
• 50:06
  Jennifer Palladino: That, and my biggest problem, I'll share, I'm a sugarholic.
• 50:12
  Jennifer Palladino: So that's been a really big challenge for me.
• 50:15
  Jennifer Palladino: But it, it changes your body, your, it affects your mind.
• 50:19
  Jennifer Palladino: So there are things you could definitely do to uplift yourself, especially if you're coming out of a marriage, let's say, or making a life change during midlife.
• 50:31
  Jennifer Palladino: If you're making a change or the kids are going to college, and now it's like, huh, it's crickets.
• 50:37
  Jennifer Palladino: There's definitely things you can do.
• 50:40
  Jennifer Palladino: It's the desire to do them.
• 50:42
  Jennifer Palladino: That's what you need, and then you'll find your way.
• 50:44
  Carmen Hecox: I know we had talked about this last week in the group of girls that hang out with us or virtually; I had made the comment I said Jen's the kind of girl that, if she walked into a party, she'd come out with at least 10 new friends, because that's the person you are.
• 51:00
  Carmen Hecox: You're just this person that attracts people.
• 51:04
  Carmen Hecox: I mean, maybe attracts people, or maybe you go out and hunt people down.
• 51:08
  Carmen Hecox: You see the people that really need you, and you like to push them out of their comfort zone and to be somebody different.
• 51:15
  Jennifer Palladino: I think what it is, the thought of people, let's say we're all sitting, let's say there's, there's 10 of us, and whoever's watching this includes yourself in it.
• 51:27
  Jennifer Palladino: There's 10 of us or 15 of us, and we're sitting around this table, and we're eating, of course, but we're laughing.
• 51:36
  Jennifer Palladino: We're having a great time.
• 51:38
  Jennifer Palladino: We we have a project we're doing together, and we're just feeding off each other's ideas.
• 51:44
  Jennifer Palladino: Doesn't that appeal?
• 51:46
  Jennifer Palladino: Doesn't that appeal, that happiness, that camaraderie, that togetherness.
• 51:51
  Jennifer Palladino: And then you can go for those who are, cuz I'm, I'm an extra extrovert in certain ways, but I'm an introvert in others, and you have to honor both of that.
• 52:01
  Jennifer Palladino: So when we leave this table of friends with our projects and our ideas, we go home, and we sit alone by it, and we think, gee, you know, that was such a nice experience.
• 52:13
  Jennifer Palladino: I'm so glad I have friends around, and so that's what I kind of strive for is to get people together and, hey, let's go to this show or this sound healing, or, something to that effect where people are like, yeah, that's what I love.
• 52:29
  Jennifer Palladino: I love that.
• 52:29
  Jennifer Palladino: Mm-hmm.
• 52:30
  Carmen Hecox: What would you say to the person who says, okay, you know I'm gonna take Dr.
• 52:35
  Carmen Hecox: Jen's advice.
• 52:36
  Carmen Hecox: I'm gonna go for a walk; I'm gonna go to yoga.
• 52:38
  Carmen Hecox: But they only go to yoga.
• 52:40
  Carmen Hecox: They do the class, and then they hightail their butt out of there.
• 52:42
  Carmen Hecox: They make no connections.
• 52:44
  Jennifer Palladino: Go back, keep going back.
• 52:46
  Jennifer Palladino: Cuz that's what yoga is about.
• 52:47
  Jennifer Palladino: It's not, oh, I did yoga, and no, you have; it's a practice.
• 52:52
  Jennifer Palladino: Yoga is a practice, and like with any kind of exercise, you start to crave it.
• 52:59
  Jennifer Palladino: But with yoga, you find it's not only, of course, good because it gets your blood circulating and, but with yoga, you learn concentration, you learn focus.
• 53:11
  Jennifer Palladino: You learn how to quiet your mind, and you start to crave that.
• 53:16
  Jennifer Palladino: So don't just do one class.
• 53:18
  Jennifer Palladino: Keep going back and develop practice.
• 53:21
  Carmen Hecox: But I mean as far as, like connecting with the other people.
• 53:24
  Jennifer Palladino: Well, when you're there, you develop this need to go, and then you see the same person over and over, the same people over and over,again and then you know, oh hi, you come often to this class, don't you?
• 53:37
  Jennifer Palladino: Oh, my name's so, and so that's how it is.
• 53:39
  Jennifer Palladino: You don't have to be some, like, that's me.
• 53:41
  Jennifer Palladino: I like to talk to people, but even if I was shy and I kept seeing this one gal that, you know, we start a little conversation cuz she likes that part of the room and so do I to put our mats down.
• 53:55
  Jennifer Palladino: It's you do it to your own capacity, your own desire, but you don't need a million friends one or two good friends means everything.
• 54:06
  Carmen Hecox: Do you have any advice for women who may feel overwhelmed or uncertain?
• 54:11
  Carmen Hecox: Because they're going through their own midlife crisis or they're transitioning through it.
• 54:15
  Carmen Hecox: What kind of advice would you give them to just kind of help them deal with everything that they're currently being faced with and they're going to encounter?
• 54:24
  Carmen Hecox: Because there's so many changes that take place physically, emotionally.
• 54:29
  Jennifer Palladino: Well, I mean, it depends because there's so many different situations, but first thing first is I would say you have to be good to yourself, and that means if you have a partner who is not honoring you and who is not treating you as you should be treated.
• 54:49
  Jennifer Palladino: It's time to step away or to reassess or to somehow change that factor in the equation because it's never going to, it's never going to change.
• 55:04
  Jennifer Palladino: And you never wanna, this is what I say.
• 55:06
  Jennifer Palladino: My mother gets mad at me.
• 55:09
  Jennifer Palladino: You never wanna lie in your deathbed and say, why didn't I?
• 55:13
  Jennifer Palladino: No.
• 55:14
  Jennifer Palladino: You wanna say, I'm so glad I did okay even late in the game.
• 55:19
  Jennifer Palladino: Don't even worry about that.
• 55:20
  Jennifer Palladino: The first thing is you can't have another person abusing you emotionally, physically.
• 55:26
  Jennifer Palladino: That's unacceptable.
• 55:27
  Jennifer Palladino: So, um, but if that's not the case, and you know, there's plenty of women who feel stuck physically.
• 55:36
  Jennifer Palladino: Again, physically, they tell me, well, I have to cook for my family, so I can't.
• 55:42
  Jennifer Palladino: I separated my meals, and I made mine, and I made theirs.
• 55:47
  Jennifer Palladino: It was extra work.
• 55:49
  Jennifer Palladino: I was still working.
• 55:51
  Jennifer Palladino: I still had a full plate, pardon the pun, but in other ways.
• 55:55
  Jennifer Palladino: But I made sure that I did for me; I kept doing.
• 55:59
  Jennifer Palladino: For me, I had to because if I'm going to be in charge of the kids, of the household, of my job, whatever my job ends up being, and all the many 10,000 things in life, I have to make sure that I'm healthy and I'm happy because if I'm not happy, no one else is gonna be key factor, key.
• 56:24
  Jennifer Palladino: You know, they say, put the oxygen mask on yourself first.
• 56:29
  Jennifer Palladino: So then you can put the oxygen mask on, your children or your whomever around you.
• 56:36
  Jennifer Palladino: You have to; you have to focus on yourself.
• 56:39
  Jennifer Palladino: And if you think it's selfish, you're not gonna last.
• 56:43
  Jennifer Palladino: You won't last.
• 56:45
  Jennifer Palladino: Something will happen.
• 56:46
  Jennifer Palladino: And then you're gonna be forced to take care of yourself.
• 56:50
  Jennifer Palladino: Like, I've seen it.
• 56:51
  Jennifer Palladino: People just try and do so much, and then they have a heart attack.
• 56:55
  Jennifer Palladino: Oh, I guess you're forced now to take care of yourself.
• 57:00
  Jennifer Palladino: You see?
• 57:01
  Jennifer Palladino: So, so these are the things that I know it's hard.
• 57:04
  Jennifer Palladino: I know it's people get stuck.
• 57:06
  Jennifer Palladino: It's understandable.
• 57:07
  Jennifer Palladino: But again, you have to take your own bull by the horns.
• 57:11
  Carmen Hecox: What about those women that perhaps are stuck with; what would my life have been if I would have married my high school sweetheart?
• 57:20
  Carmen Hecox: And they become so fixated that their life sucks because someone threw a wrench in there, and they didn't end up with Mr.
• 57:31
  Carmen Hecox: Wright.
• 57:32
  Carmen Hecox: And their whole life is just consumed on its bad because this is where it should have been, and so they're not moving forward.
• 57:39
  Jennifer Palladino: Right, but that's obvious then that something's wrong with the person themselves that they need to fix first because this Mr.
• 57:49
  Jennifer Palladino: Wright thing is, in, in the time that I grew up, oh gosh, my mother used to say this to my sister and I, your wedding day will be the happiest day of your life.
• 57:59
  Jennifer Palladino: No, it'll be one of the happiest days.
• 58:03
  Jennifer Palladino: It's not the happiest day; come on.
• 58:05
  Jennifer Palladino: It's that kind of thing.
• 58:06
  Jennifer Palladino: When you think somebody else is going to define you or complete you, that's another one to me in my book, oh, oh, no, oh, he completes me.
• 58:18
  Jennifer Palladino: Gimme a break.
• 58:19
  Jennifer Palladino: You complete you.
• 58:20
  Jennifer Palladino: That's what you need to do, is you need to complete you.
• 58:24
  Jennifer Palladino: And then whoever comes to the table better be bringing their a hundred percent of thumbs up because yeah.
• 58:35
  Jennifer Palladino: Yeah, that's the whole thing.
• 58:37
  Jennifer Palladino: You have to really focus on you first and really cleaning up what you need to clean up first.
• 58:44
  Jennifer Palladino: And if a spouse is, then you need to let that go for your own welfare and betterment.
• 58:55
  Jennifer Palladino: It's something that you can do, Yeah.
• 58:57
  Jennifer Palladino: I hate to hear when women feel stuck in a marriage; it's just not good for energetics.
• 59:04
  Jennifer Palladino: It's not good for their physical health because you internalize all that stuff, so when it's not right here, you start internalizing it, and your body starts to be affected.
• 59:17
  Jennifer Palladino: I wouldn't do that for any man or any woman, so that's key.
• 59:23
  Jennifer Palladino: I know these things sound harsh.
• 59:24
  Jennifer Palladino: Holy cow, doc.
• 59:26
  Jennifer Palladino: But, I mean, here we are talking about it, and sometimes people need to hear it.
• 59:32
  Carmen Hecox: So your key points are focus on you; you first.
• 59:37
  Carmen Hecox: Analyze and see what is going on, what needs to be changed.
• 59:42
  Jennifer Palladino: Yes, yes.
• 59:43
  Jennifer Palladino: But I have to clarify that.
• 59:46
  Jennifer Palladino: Yes, you first accept if you have little children; let's face it, parenting equals sacrifice.
• 59:55
  Jennifer Palladino: When they're little, and they need guidance, you should take food out of your own mouth for them because they need this now until the time they're.
• 1:00:06
  Jennifer Palladino: Yeah, I know I do my son's laundry still.
• 1:00:09
  Jennifer Palladino: He is 26.
• 1:00:09
  Jennifer Palladino: Okay.
• 1:00:10
  Jennifer Palladino: Okay.
• 1:00:10
  Jennifer Palladino: But again I I have to say that you need to take care of your children.
• 1:00:17
  Jennifer Palladino: Your children should be your first priority over your husband.
• 1:00:20
  Jennifer Palladino: Well, in my opinion, yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 1:00:23
  Jennifer Palladino: Absolutely.
• 1:00:24
  Jennifer Palladino: Cuz they depend on you.
• 1:00:26
  Jennifer Palladino: So I've heard many stories where the husband takes precedence, and the children suffer for it.
• 1:00:32
  Jennifer Palladino: And you don't wanna wreck their life, their emotional life.
• 1:00:34
  Jennifer Palladino: You had children take responsibility; they come first.
• 1:00:39
  Jennifer Palladino: So yes, you do come first, but we're talking midlife.
• 1:00:43
  Jennifer Palladino: So usually, at this point, your children are grown up enough to where they're really starting to take on their own responsibilities and their own focuses
• 1:00:53
  Carmen Hecox: And I think point number two, you said, get connected with nature, get moving.
• 1:01:00
  Carmen Hecox: Do Something.
• 1:01:01
  Jennifer Palladino: Yes, yes,
• 1:01:02
  Carmen Hecox: Don't sit in that rut.
• 1:01:03
  Jennifer Palladino: Exactly.
• 1:01:04
  Jennifer Palladino: And did you know, Carmen, that there's something called earthing?
• 1:01:09
  Jennifer Palladino: Whereas if you take off your shoes and socks and go outside and stand on your grass, or even if you're that daring in the snow.
• 1:01:18
  Jennifer Palladino: I wouldn't do it in the snow, but some people do.
• 1:01:21
  Jennifer Palladino: The transference of negative energy, you are grounding into the earth, and so you really feel revitalized.
• 1:01:31
  Jennifer Palladino: Here's a perfect example.
• 1:01:33
  Jennifer Palladino: Take a walk on the beach.
• 1:01:35
  Jennifer Palladino: Where you're walking in the sand, you feel the water lapping up on your feet as you walk.
• 1:01:41
  Jennifer Palladino: Beautiful, perfect way to do some earthing and to really release a lot of negativity.
• 1:01:49
  Jennifer Palladino: There's also plenty of videos on YouTube as far as self-help through sound, through meditation.
• 1:01:59
  Jennifer Palladino: It's there; it's all there.
• 1:02:01
  Carmen Hecox: And then I think another point that you brought up is try new things.
• 1:02:05
  Carmen Hecox: Step out of that comfort zone, try new things.
• 1:02:08
  Jennifer Palladino: Yeah.
• 1:02:09
  Jennifer Palladino: Yeah.
• 1:02:09
  Jennifer Palladino: Even if it's like ever so slight, something just different that will help you open your mind and see that change is a possibility for all of us, and you'd rather be able to make your own change instead of have change foisted on you.
• 1:02:29
  Carmen Hecox: Then I think you brought up another point; you said let go of negative feelings.
• 1:02:35
  Carmen Hecox: Don't feed it.
• 1:02:36
  Carmen Hecox: Don't feed the beast.
• 1:02:38
  Jennifer Palladino: No, no.
• 1:02:39
  Jennifer Palladino: And how to do that.
• 1:02:40
  Jennifer Palladino: That's the big question.
• 1:02:41
  Jennifer Palladino: How do you do that?
• 1:02:43
  Jennifer Palladino: Oh, I'm so angry.
• 1:02:44
  Jennifer Palladino: I don't know how to; well, there's everything from scream therapy.
• 1:02:49
  Jennifer Palladino: To, like we said, taking a walk in nature, to talking to a therapist, to leaving the source and getting rid of the source that is making you angry.
• 1:03:01
  Jennifer Palladino: Some people have a terrible relationship with their mother because it's just it wasn't meant to be.
• 1:03:06
  Jennifer Palladino: So, there's ways of having boundaries, and boundaries are great.
• 1:03:12
  Jennifer Palladino: A great way to start when you're trying to focus on self-care is to really learn your boundaries.
• 1:03:23
  Jennifer Palladino: And so that's an important step that you can at least investigate for yourself.
• 1:03:31
  Carmen Hecox: All right.
• 1:03:32
  Carmen Hecox: Well, thank you so much for coming on.
• 1:03:35
  Carmen Hecox: I appreciate you taking the time to provide your experience so that you can help other women.
• 1:03:44
  Carmen Hecox: They can listen to what you've said here and apply it to their own self and help them get over midlife crisis and see it as just, it's midlife, it's a season, and I'm gonna embrace it, I'm gonna love it.
• 1:03:58
  Jennifer Palladino: Yes.
• 1:03:59
  Jennifer Palladino: Yes.
• 1:03:59
  Jennifer Palladino: And also too, it's like everybody has their own style of doing things.
• 1:04:03
  Jennifer Palladino: I wouldn't say, oh, just because I do it that somebody needs to do it my way.
• 1:04:07
  Jennifer Palladino: No, I'm not like that at all.
• 1:04:10
  Jennifer Palladino: But at least within your own way or approach or style of doing things, you can expand yourself out.
• 1:04:18
  Jennifer Palladino: You can kind of reach out and find your way.
• 1:04:22
  Jennifer Palladino: For sure.
• 1:04:23
  Jennifer Palladino: so that's, that's super important.
• 1:04:25
  Jennifer Palladino: I think a super important factor that it's just, it's all individual.
• 1:04:30
  Carmen Hecox: Being open.
• 1:04:31
  Carmen Hecox: Being open to try different things.
• 1:04:34
  Jennifer Palladino: Yes,
• 1:04:34
  Carmen Hecox: I know I didn't prepare you for this, but do you have any food for that?
• 1:04:41
  Jennifer Palladino: Ah, well, time is ticking.
• 1:04:46
  Jennifer Palladino: Time is ticking in everybody's life.
• 1:04:49
  Jennifer Palladino: And like I said, the last thing you wanna do is say, why didn't I?
• 1:04:54
  Jennifer Palladino: So now is a good at time as any to make, start making those changes for yourself.
• 1:05:01
  Jennifer Palladino: And the one thing is be kind to yourself.
• 1:05:06
  Jennifer Palladino: All this, why didn't I and I should have, and all this.
• 1:05:10
  Jennifer Palladino: We don't have any time for that.
• 1:05:12
  Jennifer Palladino: It's time to make a change because it'll all be good, but you have to take that step, and you can do it.
• 1:05:21
  Jennifer Palladino: We're women, we're strong, we're smart, and I've always believed that we were the stronger sex in every way.
• 1:05:31
  Jennifer Palladino: In every way.
• 1:05:32
  Jennifer Palladino: Keep in mind this last thought that the brain we have the right and left hemispheres in a woman.
• 1:05:40
  Jennifer Palladino: There's something, there's in, in the human brain, there's the corpus callosum, and what it does is it integrates left to right.
• 1:05:49
  Jennifer Palladino: Now, this is why they say men are pretty one focus.
• 1:05:55
  Jennifer Palladino: But women, because we're capable of being mothers and we have to multitask, our corpus callosum really integrate.
• 1:06:06
  Jennifer Palladino: So, keep in mind that as women, we can multitask, and we can and men can't do that as well as we can.
• 1:06:17
  Jennifer Palladino: So that is, of course, a positive for us.
• 1:06:22
  Jennifer Palladino: And use it; use that ability.
• 1:06:24
  Jennifer Palladino: You can do this, there's lots of things on all our tables, but you have to, ultimately, we have to take care of ourselves, and that's the most important thing,
• 1:06:35
  Carmen Hecox: All right.
• 1:06:36
  Carmen Hecox: For people that may wanna hear more about Jen, you will find all her information in my show notes, and again, her podcast is Rock'N Healthy Lifestyle.
• 1:06:48
  Jennifer Palladino: Right?
• 1:06:48
  Jennifer Palladino: So it's Rock'N Healthy lifestyles.
• 1:06:50
  Jennifer Palladino: That's ROCK apostrophe N and Healthy Lifestyles.
• 1:06:57
  Jennifer Palladino: And you can find me on Instagram on Rock'N Healthy Lifestyles or Dr.
• 1:07:03
  Jennifer Palladino: Jen Palladino on Facebook.
• 1:07:05
  Jennifer Palladino: And I also have a Facebook group called Music Hacks for Mental Health, which is a lot of fun.
• 1:07:10
  Jennifer Palladino: We talk about how music can help you lift your spirits.
• 1:07:14
  Jennifer Palladino: That's the key is if we wanna lift our spirits and so, or make us happy.
• 1:07:19
  Jennifer Palladino: So, um, so come join me.
• 1:07:22
  Jennifer Palladino: I'd love to meet.
• 1:07:23
  Carmen Hecox: Thank you so much.
• 1:07:25
  Jennifer Palladino: Thank you, Carmen.
• 1:07:27
  Jennifer Palladino: Thank you very much.
• 1:07:28
  Carmen Hecox: And that's a wrap for today's episode of Create the Best Me.
• 1:07:32
  Carmen Hecox: Thank you so much for listening and tuning in to our conversation with the amazing Dr.
• 1:07:39
  Carmen Hecox: Jen.
• 1:07:40
  Carmen Hecox: I hope you learned a lot and gained some valuable insights on how to feel fully alive in midlife.
• 1:07:49
  Carmen Hecox: If you enjoy this episode and want to stay updated on all my latest content, please be sure to visit createthebestme.com and sign up for my newsletter.
• 1:08:01
  Carmen Hecox: That way you'll never miss a new episode or exciting announcements.
• 1:08:06
  Carmen Hecox: As always, I love hearing from my listeners and viewers, so don't be shy.
• 1:08:12
  Carmen Hecox: If you have any feedback, comments or questions, feel free to reach out to me on social or drop a line on my website.
• 1:08:19
  Carmen Hecox: I appreciate your support and can't wait to share more inspiring stories with you.
• 1:08:25
  Carmen Hecox: Until next time, have a fantastic day.
• 1:08:28
  Carmen Hecox: Bye for now.