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Narcissists expect total forgiveness if they confess · The Mental Healness Podcast

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  What is going on, beautiful people?
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  Today we're going to be talking about why narcissists expect
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  total forgiveness when, like, y'all get back together or they
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  actually apologize for something that they have done wrong.
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  If you're new here, my name is Lee Hammock.
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  I'm a clinically diagnosed narcissist and welcome to
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  another episode of The Narcissist Code.
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  So yeah, welcome back, welcome back, welcome back, folks.
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  Yes, y'all know exactly. You know exactly what I'm
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  talking about when I say that. Don't you narcissistic people
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  expect total forgiveness when, like y'all get back together, or
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  you or y'all work things out, or they actually apologize?
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  See the quotation marks? If you listen to this on Apple
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  Music, you see the quotation marks.
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  They actually apologize for something that they've done
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  wrong. They expect total forgiveness.
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  Like narcissists truly hate, hate, Hate it when people break,
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  When people break up the past, when you bring up some past
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  behavior that they think you should be over, they think you
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  have, you should already have gotten past it.
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  They think that you should. Things have worked them.
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  Things have magically worked themselves out.
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  They think they think it should be this way right here.
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  They think it should be a certain way.
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  They think it's supposed to go this way right here.
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  So they said how they get you right there.
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  That's literally how they get you.
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  They like if you forgive them, like if they don't, no matter.
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  No matter what they do to you, No matter what they do, if you
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  forgive them and you get back with them, no matter what they
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  have done, they think that you are OK with the behavior.
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  And they also think it's total forgiveness.
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  Absolute total forgiveness. Because they don't want to hear
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  about it anymore. Because why didn't like y'all,
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  Why did you get back with me? If you're not going to, if it's
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  if you still hold on to it, why did you get back with me?
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  So that's what I'm saying. Well, before you get back with a
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  narcissist, before you hop back into a relationship with them,
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  before y'all get back together, hop in the bed, whatever, y'all
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  do. Before you do that, ask yourself
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  the question, am I OK with what they what they've done to me?
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  Am I OK never bringing it up again?
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  Am I like is is this something I'm going to hold on to?
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  Because that person that you're going to get back with, they're
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  not going to let you hold on to it.
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  They're going to absolutely 1000% expect you to get over it
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  right now. They're going to expect you to
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  move past it. Right meow.
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  Right meow. Seriously, you cannot bring it
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  up again. Y'all.
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  That's why I like you. You living in the past, why you
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  living in the past, blah, blah blah BBB.
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  Why you doing this? Why you doing that?
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  They expect you to get over it. They expect you to be able to
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  move forward, get past it, never ever bring it up again.
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  That's the level of expectation that narcissistic people are
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  expecting from you. They expect total, total
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  forgiveness. But y'all know the opposite.
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  The opposite. You know opposites.
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  You know the opposites exist, exist in relationships with
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  narcissists. Because I do.
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  It doesn't mean you get to do it right because I've done
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  something and I've gotten away with it.
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  It doesn't mean that you get to do something and get away with
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  it right, because you've forgiven me.
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  It doesn't mean I'm I have to forgive you.
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  If you. If I feel like you've wronged me
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  in some way, I will never let it go.
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  I'm going to bring it up as many times as I need to to get my
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  point across. I'm going to bring it up as many
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  times as I need to. To drive a point home.
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  To get you to change your behaviors, to get you to act
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  right, to get you to leave me the hell alone.
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  I don't care if it was 10 years ago.
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  I don't care if you if it was, if it was before you met me, I'm
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  going to use it against you. Because it works.
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  That's the type of stuff that you have to be OK with.
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  If you go back to this narcissistic person, if you go
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  back into this type of relationship, that's the type of
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  stuff that you have to be OK with.
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  Well, Lee, I'm not OK with it. You know, if you're not OK with
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  it, then you don't need, you don't want to go back to him
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  because I'm telling you, they expect you to be OK with it
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  because that's the, yeah, it's the simplest mindset ever.
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  It really, really is. It's part of the most simplistic
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  mindset that you can ever experience.
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  Like, seriously, it's part of the simplest mindset.
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  Like, I expect you to do this. I expect you to do that.
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  And like, it's black and white thinking it's so black and
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  white. If you take me back, you cannot
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  bring up anything else. I don't want to hear it.
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  Well, Lee, why can't we bring it up?
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  Because it's in the past. I don't want to deal with the
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  shame of what I've done over and over again.
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  I don't want to deal with that shame over and over again.
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  I don't want to anticipate. I don't want to deal with it.
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  I don't want to expect it. I don't want it to be.
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  I don't want it to be a part of my life ever, ever again.
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  So I'm going to leave it be, you know, I'm going to leave it be.
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  I'm going to do this type of stuff right here.
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  I'm going to do whatever it takes to benefit me in this
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  situation. And it benefits me to never talk
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  to them about it again. But, Lee, what about the couple?
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  It it benefits the couple. If we can just work through it.
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  They've already worked through it.
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  They've already worked through it.
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  And in the mind of a narcissist, the what's best for me is best
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  for we. It ain't happy wife, happy life.
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  It's what's best for me. It's what's best for we.
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  If no matter what it is, you know, no matter what the mindset
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  of it is, no matter what the dynamic of it is, it's just how
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  it goes right there. They're like no matter what, no
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  matter what, that's the space. That's the dynamic relationship.
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  It's hard. It sounds that sounds like it's
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  impossible to have a healthy relationship because it is.
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  If they're not willing to work on that, work on the issues and
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  address them in a in a in a healthy manner, then you can't
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  have a healthy relationship. If you cannot resolve a conflict
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  in a healthy way, in healthy ways that you cannot have a
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  healthy relationship, how does that make sense?
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  Y'all you know, how does that make sense?
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  And I know, like I said, I know you want to work it out.
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  I know you want to talk about it.
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  But before you take that person back, you better get y'all I'm
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  just telling you before you take them back, you better go ahead
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  and get it out of your system. You better go ahead and get it
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  out of your system. You bet you.
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  You better. You know, you better go ahead
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  and get it out of your system before you get back with them.
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  Get get all the talking, discuss everything that you wanted to
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  discuss before you get back with them.
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  Because once you get back with them, it's over.
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  You're not talking about it again now.
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  You're nagging now you're getting on my nerves.
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  Now you're bringing up the past now.
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  You're living in the past now you're so clingy now you're so
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  needy. Now you're so emotional.
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  You see what I'm saying? But Lee, what?
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  What if we try to talk about it before we get back together and
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  they don't want to talk about it?
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  Then then you're not going to talk about it at all.
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  They would rather brush it underneath the real you know,
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  the the, the old euphemism about the analogy.
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  What is it that is analogy but about sweep sweeping things
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  under the rug. Narcissists love to sweep things
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  under the rug. But like, yeah, once you once
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  you get, once you sweep too much under the rug, you can see under
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  the rug. Like, yeah, the rug is 6 feet
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  high now you can see everything under there.
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  Like damn, we sweat so much under the rug.
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  We ain't got to we ain't got to lift the rug no more.
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  You just throwing stuff under there.
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  You swept so much, so many things underneath the rug.
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  The rug is 6 feet high and you don't have, you don't have to
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  sweep anymore. You just throw stuff in there.
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  Now you would just toss it in there, you would just launch it
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  in there, you know? But that's that's that's what
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  you had to deal with. So ask yourself those questions.
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  Y'all but I know y'all in love. I know the feelings, I know the
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  emotions be flowing through you like a river.
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  But this is things you need to consider if you want to have a
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  healthy happy relationship. Ask yourself is it possible if
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  you cannot resolve conflicts, you know, ask yourself, ask
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  yourself right there if you cannot resolve a healthy
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  conflict, a conflict. Cause most every couple has
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  conflicts. Y'all you cannot resolve
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  conflict in a healthy way. How can you have a healthy
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  relationship? Don't do any type of mental
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  y'all. Don't do any type of mental
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  gymnastics to try to figure out the answer to that question.
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  Because you can't. You can't.
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  Well, what if I just pretend nothing happened and that's all
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  you know. If you pretend nothing happened,
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  then you've you've fallen right into the narcissist trap.
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  You see what I'm saying? If a North like you're falling
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  right into the north, you jumping, you jumping into the
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  trap. If a narcissist is a spider, you
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  little narcissistic spider with eight limbs, right?
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  They'd have made a web and you a little empathetic butterfly,
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  empathetic insect. You see the web and instead of
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  flying away from it, you jump into the web and the spider
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  comes to get you. Wraps you up, love bombs you,
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  sucks you dry. You see what I'm saying?
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  You just see the web right there.
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  You're like I noticed a spot as well.
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  But what if I can get in there and love the spider?
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  The spider. The spider just needs some love.
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  The spider doesn't want to talk about the past.
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  The spider can't help us. A spider.
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  And then you just jump into the web.
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  I'm good self love Brad. You just jump into the web like
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  wee. What is that?
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  What sense does that make? Y'all.
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  Seriously, think about that right there.
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  What sense does it make to jump into the to woefully, willingly
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  jump into the spider's web? Because that's what so many
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  people do. So many people jump into the
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  spotter's web. You know, You jump into the
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  trap. You see the trap, You jump into
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  it. You see the little trapdoor
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  spider, you see the head, their eyes peeking out, and you jump.
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  You roll into the trap. Come on now.
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  Y'all. You cannot have a healthy
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  relationship with somebody, narcissist or not, if they're
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  not willing to resolve conflict in a healthy way.
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  That's just that's just me being realistic.
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  Y'all you know. Anyways, y'all over this video,
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  watch some clarity because I because that's what they expect.
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  Total forgiveness and you cannot bring it up again.
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  But Lee, what if it's on my mind?
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  You can listen to me. You can bring.
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  Look, I can't tell you what to do.
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  You can bring it up, but you already know the answer you're
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  going to get. You already know.
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  You know why. This is the part of what
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  narcissists drive you crazy. You know when people say
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  narcissists, being in a relationship with with a
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  narcissist can drive you insane? This is what they mean.
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  Because insanity is doing the same thing over and over again
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  and expecting something to change, expecting a different
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  result. You know you adding 1 + 1 up
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  1000 times and you're getting 2, but now you keep adding it up
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  that you're going to get a different answer.
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  Maybe if I do it 100 times, I'll get 3 or 2 1/2.
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  No, 1 + 1 is 2. Trying to change this person.
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  Trying to present this issue. Trying to bring the same thing
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  over and over again, trying to bring up the same issue,
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  expecting a different result is going to drive you crazy.
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  It's going to drive you insane. You see?
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  That's the mindset. That's the process.
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  That's the thought process a lot of people fall into.
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  Y'all, but thank you all so much for tuning in to another
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  episode. Make sure you subscribe to the
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  channel if you haven't. My courses and support groups
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  are still available as well. Y'all link is in the description
• 11:46
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• 11:48
  Is Mental Illness dot thinkific.com You see the link
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  in the description in the bio. Thank you so much Mr. Illness is
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  out Peace. Thank you so much for making it
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  to the end of my video. You are a mental illness rock
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  star and I appreciate you for being here.
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• 12:06
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• 12:08
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• 12:10
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• 12:14
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  Peace.