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44 | Mozzarella is a Team Player · You Didn't Ask For This

• 0:00
  Eric: Do you want to work until you die?
• 0:05
  Eric: Excuse me?
• 0:06
  Eric: This is a pretty rhetorical question.
• 0:08
  Eric: I feel like I know the answer.
• 0:10
  Matt: Do you want to work until you die?
• 0:12
  Matt: Eric, I don't I don't know if this has been established or not on other episodes, but like I don't want to work at all.
• 0:21
  Matt: Yeah.
• 0:23
  Matt: So I have I I just I I don't know what work until I die.
• 0:27
  Matt: You mean do you mean not retire?
• 0:29
  Matt: Or you mean just like not retire.
• 0:31
  Matt: Just work until one day you don't.
• 0:34
  Matt: No.
• 0:34
  Matt: I don't eat I know there are people, there are people close to me who are who have said things like, well, I can just work for two more, three more years.
• 0:43
  Matt: Why not?
• 0:44
  Matt: I might don't mind doing it.
• 0:45
  Matt: Why not?
• 0:46
  Matt: Oh your retirement eligible.
• 0:49
  Eric: I I will see that and raise you.
• 0:52
  Eric: Uh huh.
• 0:52
  Eric: This is why I bring all this up.
• 0:54
  Eric: My co-worker who has said, and I quote, oh no, I'm just gonna work until I die.
• 1:01
  Eric: Oh, okay.
• 1:02
  Eric: And mind you, that so this is the why I I want to get this out of the way right now.
• 1:05
  Eric: There's no bummers here.
• 1:07
  Eric: There's no like he can't afford to retire.
• 1:10
  Eric: There's no, oh, I might have to afford these medical pay.
• 1:14
  Eric: My coworker has been no bummers in his like reason for wanting to work until he dies.
• 1:22
  Eric: Okay, sure, but the fact that he feels that way is a bummer.
• 1:24
  Eric: It it is a mega bummer.
• 1:26
  Eric: He has been working with the company I work for for almost 60 years.
• 1:35
  Eric: We celebrated his 50-year anniversary with the company about uh like about five or six years ago.
• 1:43
  Eric: Wow.
• 1:44
  Eric: This man has led such an incredible like like he worked in the military just like cracking fucking codes and shit.
• 1:51
  Eric: He was a he's a pilot, he knows how to fly planes, he was in a band, he had like married kids, like the whole shebang, like super happy dude, like one of the nicest people you'll ever meet.
• 2:03
  Eric: And we ask him, like, oh, when do you plan to retire?
• 2:06
  Eric: He's like, I don't want to retire, I'm just gonna work till I die.
• 2:09
  Eric: Like, that is all he wants to do.
• 2:11
  Eric: That like that he is so happy.
• 2:14
  Eric: And how old is he now?
• 2:15
  Eric: He is like 80 something, and he's still like complete, like he's fine.
• 2:20
  Eric: Like, he's don't you have books you want to get to?
• 2:23
  Eric: He is literally said he's like, if I stop I he said if like if I stop working, I'm gonna die.
• 2:29
  Eric: He's like, I'm gonna, he's like, I if I don't have a purpose, if I don't have a job to do, I will just and he's like, so this is what makes me happy, and that's the thing, it legitimately makes him happy.
• 2:42
  Eric: I am both baffled, saddened, and slightly jealous that because he's just getting his regular shot of dopamine every single day, to just gets all that serotonin just working.
• 2:57
  Matt: It just doesn't compute from so many different angles.
• 3:01
  Matt: Because, like, the phrase like, well, if you do what you love, you'll never work a day in your life.
• 3:07
  Matt: That's bullshit, okay?
• 3:09
  Matt: We are artists.
• 3:11
  Matt: We uh the artistic community probably knows better than anyone.
• 3:16
  Eric: And I mean any discipline of the arts, any discipline of the arts, dancing, music, visual, like whatever bullshit theater thing we do.
• 3:25
  Matt: Singing uh uh streamers know, you know, like oh, you know, these streamers who are, you know, making millions of dollars playing video games every day, that's baffling the minds, boomers everywhere, like they're working still work.
• 3:40
  Matt: Yeah, you are performing on camera.
• 3:42
  Matt: You gotta have interesting content.
• 3:45
  Matt: You know how hard it is to come up with content.
• 3:47
  Matt: We we're on episode 44 and we have yet to do it.
• 3:50
  Eric: Oh, and I would also extend this to like uh fucking in the same vein as like Twitch streamers and shit.
• 3:55
  Eric: Like, I hear a lot of very stupid people just being like, Oh, I can't believe all these like like uh basically insulting like women who do like OnlyFans or do sex work or like stuff like that.
• 4:06
  Eric: I'm like, not on this podcast.
• 4:08
  Eric: No, this shit is work.
• 4:10
  Eric: This shit is work.
• 4:11
  Eric: It's called sex work for a reason.
• 4:15
  Eric: I'm like, yeah, and they have to do it nonstop to make money off of like there's no they have to work, yeah.
• 4:24
  Matt: And let me we all have to work, we all have to work.
• 4:27
  Matt: It's it it's work porn is hard, man.
• 4:31
  Matt: I think it is hard.
• 4:33
  Eric: You uh like why many times super exploitive, but sure a lot of industries, of course.
• 4:40
  Matt: But like if you're out here judging these other prof professions as like not real work, we're getting into like a whole other rant.
• 4:49
  Eric: Fuck yeah, we are.
• 4:50
  Eric: We're in it.
• 4:50
  Matt: We're in it now.
• 4:51
  Matt: But like if you are doing that because you are so like judgmental of the type of work that's being done that you don't even compute it as work.
• 5:02
  Matt: You're one of these fucking people who are like, well, I can't believe people's getting paid$15 to to to flip a burger, you know?
• 5:10
  Matt: Like, we're gonna pay people$15 to roast some chicken nuggets.
• 5:14
  Matt: Like, not that you roast chicken nuggets, but you know what I'm saying.
• 5:17
  Matt: But like, yeah, we are because you cut you your your ass comes by to eat them, don't they?
• 5:24
  Eric: I work, I work one of the most like white-collar fucking office jobs.
• 5:29
  Eric: Like, I'm a salaried employee and stuff.
• 5:32
  Eric: I will, I will say this right now and without a hint of irony or just in my voice.
• 5:38
  Eric: Someone who works at McDonald's works 10 times harder than I do in a like they work 10 times harder in a day than I do in a fucking week.
• 5:46
  Eric: My job is so low impact, like I don't I so many of these jobs just are pointless and we get paid to do them.
• 5:57
  Matt: Yeah.
• 5:57
  Matt: And so, like, yes, we're paying people who do the real labor that keeps this country moving.
• 6:02
  Matt: Because, like, let's be honest, America might not run on Duncan exclusively, but it sure does help.
• 6:09
  Matt: So, yeah, I want the person making the the donuts getting$15 a day.
• 6:15
  Matt: A day.
• 6:16
  Matt: I don't want that.
• 6:17
  Matt: I want them getting$15,000.
• 6:19
  Eric: You heard it here first, folks.
• 6:20
  Matt: Folks, class trader Matt Shea.
• 6:22
  Matt: Listen, listen to me.
• 6:23
  Matt: Hold on, hold on, stay with me, progressives.
• 6:26
  Matt: All right, all right, fellas.
• 6:26
  Matt: But hold on, let him speak, let him, let him speak, let him speak.
• 6:29
  Matt: Hold on, everyone.
• 6:30
  Matt: Hold on.
• 6:31
  Matt: Don't cancel me yet.
• 6:33
  Matt: Not not over this.
• 6:34
  Eric: If he tries to run, we stab him.
• 6:37
  Matt: Putting that the types of work debate aside a second to get back to the main rant of this cold open, I want to say if you are working in some job and you because I have a job where people uh a co-worker I've worked with has been there over 25 years, and that just doesn't compute.
• 6:56
  Matt: Like, how do you at the very least want something different?
• 6:59
  Matt: You know, like do something else, do the same thing for another company, you know, whatever.
• 7:04
  Matt: And for this guy or person, I don't whoever you're talking about, the 60-year employee.
• 7:10
  Matt: Like, I guess, hey, if it's bringing you joy, okay.
• 7:16
  Eric: Okay, that's what's blowing my mind.
• 7:18
  Eric: It's not that I'm like, no, you should feel bad about that.
• 7:21
  Eric: Like, it's just I'm like, how?
• 7:23
  Eric: But like how?
• 7:24
  Eric: Because it's not even like it's an old-fashioned thing, because I know plenty of people his age who are like, fuck that.
• 7:30
  Eric: I retired 20 years ago.
• 7:32
  Matt: I would retire right now if she was available to me.
• 7:38
  Matt: The like, I'm serious though, you know, like why would you want to?
• 7:44
  Matt: Like, what I'd say to him is like, have you tried going to the beach?
• 7:49
  Matt: It's great.
• 7:50
  Matt: You should give it a whirl.
• 7:51
  Eric: Well, that's the fucking wild thing, too.
• 7:54
  Eric: It's like he's done it all.
• 7:56
  Eric: Like, I've seen his photo out.
• 7:58
  Eric: Like, he's I've learned so much about his life at like he's done, it's not like he's missed out on anything.
• 8:04
  Eric: He's done so fucking much.
• 8:06
  Eric: He's gone so many, he's a fucking amateur astronomer.
• 8:09
  Eric: He fucking flies like radio control planes, like he just does so much shit.
• 8:13
  Eric: And he's just like, yep, I uh I want to work until I die.
• 8:17
  Matt: Then I stand in awe of him because I guess if it brings you joy, more power to you.
• 8:22
  Matt: But think about the statement.
• 8:23
  Matt: I want to work until I die.
• 8:25
  Matt: You you mean you want to die on the job?
• 8:29
  Matt: Like your last moments, you want to be working?
• 8:33
  Matt: The only way I agree with that is if I die on stage, baby.
• 8:37
  Matt: On cue.
• 8:38
  Matt: On cue, I shall die.
• 8:40
  Eric: He's dying on stage right now.
• 8:46
  Matt: Uh, start this goddamn show.
• 8:48
  Matt: God damn it, I'm insulted.
• 9:01
  Matt: Well, hello, and welcome to You Didn't Ask for This, a podcast answering life's least pressing questions.
• 9:09
  Matt: My name's Matthew Shea.
• 9:10
  Matt: My name's Eric Poach.
• 9:12
  Matt: And this is, of course, the 44th episode of this here show.
• 9:18
  Matt: Mr.
• 9:18
  Matt: Poach, how are you today?
• 9:20
  Eric: Oh, I'm divine, Matthew.
• 9:23
  Matt: Oh, wow.
• 9:23
  Matt: What a stretch.
• 9:24
  Matt: In the words of Dog Owners Everywhere, big stretch.
• 9:27
  Eric: Big stretch.
• 9:29
  unknown: Yep.
• 9:30
  Matt: Oh, man.
• 9:31
  Matt: Yes.
• 9:31
  Matt: Well, we uh I, you know, honestly, uh we could do the whole episode on that cold open there.
• 9:36
  Eric: Uh oh, yeah.
• 9:38
  Matt: We got thoughts.
• 9:39
  Matt: Do we have thoughts about the American workforce?
• 9:42
  Eric: Let's just get them in there real quick.
• 9:44
  Eric: We are pro-union on this podcast.
• 9:46
  Matt: Pro union.
• 9:47
  Eric: God damn.
• 9:49
  Matt: Pro living wage.
• 9:51
  Eric: Pro uh goo boo.
• 9:57
  Eric: Those are our only stances.
• 9:59
  Eric: We those are the sounds that the dying of capitalism will make as we pierce its heart.
• 10:06
  Eric: Yes, yes.
• 10:08
  Eric: But yes.
• 10:09
  Eric: We love you all.
• 10:11
  Eric: We all see we see you.
• 10:12
  Eric: You're busting ass, taking names, and you're not getting paid nearly enough to do it.
• 10:18
  Matt: No.
• 10:18
  Matt: So the least we can do is provide you some ear candy for you to get through your work for the next sixty years.
• 10:28
  Matt: You heard it here first.
• 10:30
  Matt: We you ask for this has been renewed for sixty new seasons.
• 10:36
  Matt: Yep.
• 10:37
  Matt: Okay.
• 10:39
  Eric: Oh, man.
• 10:40
  Matt: Um, you know, by the end of this show, we will have become Statler and Waldorf.
• 10:44
  Eric: Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 10:47
  Eric: Who could ask for a better retirement?
• 10:49
  Eric: Who could ask for a better retirement?
• 10:54
  Matt: Oh man.
• 10:56
  Matt: As if podcasting isn't working in of itself, is it not?
• 10:59
  Matt: Is it not?
• 11:00
  Matt: And on that note, yeah.
• 11:02
  Matt: Should we start the show?
• 11:03
  Matt: Oh, we should probably start the show.
• 11:05
  Matt: Uh, we've got some questions here, I believe.
• 11:07
  Matt: Um, some uh some good ones, in fact.
• 11:09
  Matt: Um now, Eric, I you know, I'm just glad that the first question we have today matches our theme of how serious uh we started.
• 11:20
  Matt: Setting the serious we're talking about serious topics today.
• 11:23
  Matt: These brave brave topics.
• 11:24
  Matt: Yeah, I mean, what we're talking about people's livelihoods.
• 11:28
  Matt: We're talking about the the injustice of the American economy.
• 11:34
  Matt: And you know, I'm just glad that the whole show is finally gonna be at a certain level.
• 11:40
  Eric: You know what I mean?
• 11:40
  Eric: Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 11:42
  Eric: So we we've talked about class warfare, we've talked about, you know, workers' rights, and now we talk about does farting make you heavier?
• 11:52
  Eric: That's by at Roger A.
• 11:55
  Eric: Wilbanks on Twitter.
• 11:57
  Matt: Absolutely.
• 11:58
  Matt: Roger, thank you, as many people have done before you for raising the profile of this podcast.
• 12:05
  Matt: So farting.
• 12:06
  Matt: Um, the the question doesn't really make sense to me.
• 12:09
  Matt: Well, the logic is sound.
• 12:11
  Matt: Does it is it?
• 12:12
  Eric: If you fart, aren't you being a little bit more?
• 12:15
  Eric: You're releasing gas which is lighter than air.
• 12:18
  Eric: Okay.
• 12:19
  Eric: That gas is technically on a very small, small, like almost virtually unnoticeable scale.
• 12:27
  Eric: That gas is technically like lifting you up somewhat.
• 12:31
  Eric: It is?
• 12:32
  Eric: I mean, it's gas, it's lighter, it's pushing, it's pushing on you.
• 12:35
  Eric: So, like, you're giving me science right now.
• 12:37
  Eric: In like the most infinitesimal way.
• 12:39
  Eric: Is this real science?
• 12:41
  Eric: I am assuming.
• 12:42
  Eric: I know, I mean, I I know gas, gas, it's it's a it's gas that rises.
• 12:47
  Eric: It's so it's it's lighter than air, right?
• 12:49
  Eric: And since it is being formed inside of us, no matter how small, and when I say small, I mean like for all practical purposes, it does not matter, but it is technically exerting that lifting force on your body.
• 13:03
  Eric: So when you expel the gas, that force that is ever so slightly like lifting you up is now gone.
• 13:11
  Eric: Mr.
• 13:11
  Eric: Putsch, is this all gonna be on the exam?
• 13:14
  Eric: Yes.
• 13:14
  Eric: Oh, yes, it will be.
• 13:16
  Eric: And if you don't know the answers, I'm going to hit you very hard, young man.
• 13:20
  Eric: Oh my god.
• 13:22
  Matt: Father Eric is in one of his drinking moods again.
• 13:26
  Eric: That's oh now we've established this as a Catholic school.
• 13:31
  Eric: Well, I just the beating implication.
• 13:34
  Eric: But that also raises the question.
• 13:36
  Eric: So so like the amount of force or the amount of like this gas being lighter than the air, we have to compare that to the fact that you are also farting, you're expelling those particles, which also have their own completely insignificant arbitrary weight.
• 13:53
  Eric: So like I'm trying to like balance it out in my head, right?
• 13:56
  Eric: So, like, what is more?
• 13:57
  Eric: The pushing up force or the weight of that fart as it's being how much hold on.
• 14:04
  Matt: Yeah, sure.
• 14:04
  Matt: Why not why not do introduce some research into this show?
• 14:08
  Eric: Alright.
• 14:09
  Eric: I've done I've done my research.
• 14:12
  Eric: The raw mass of a fart will be about 0.0375 grams.
• 14:19
  Matt: Okay, so that's a weight, my friend.
• 14:20
  Matt: So if it's coming out your butt, isn't that isn't that 0.057 grams or whatever you just said, is doesn't isn't that you aren't you that much lighter?
• 14:29
  Eric: Yes, but remember the gas was also making you lighter.
• 14:33
  Eric: Do you know what I mean?
• 14:34
  Eric: So like ha it it depends on how much the fart was pushing up on you.
• 14:38
  Eric: If the fart was pushing up on you enough to displace 0.037 grams of weight, then it's a then it's a wash.
• 14:46
  Eric: Nothing changes, but I don't know.
• 14:48
  Matt: So you're saying if it's like a monumental fart, it could be making you lighter.
• 14:54
  Eric: But for the most technically any fart, technically any fart, any amount of gas inside of you that is lighter than air is making you lighter.
• 15:02
  Eric: It's just on an infinitesimally small scroll.
• 15:06
  Matt: Right.
• 15:06
  Matt: But the question from Roger here is does farting make you heavier?
• 15:12
  Matt: So I feel like the answer is no, because something is leaving your body.
• 15:18
  Matt: But you're saying that if it's stuck inside of you like a balloon, you're you're like it's like negative weight.
• 15:25
  Matt: Is that what you're saying?
• 15:26
  Eric: Yeah, like it is it is technically.
• 15:28
  Eric: So serious.
• 15:29
  Matt: I thought we were, I thought we were gonna be making some fart jokes.
• 15:32
  Matt: I know.
• 15:33
  Matt: And here you are giving me all this logic from biology that I ignored, you know, 15 years ago and was happy to do so.
• 15:44
  Eric: I'm probably gonna have to err on the side of you're probably losing more weight when you fart than weight is being lifted by the fart being inside you.
• 15:53
  Matt: Are we not considering potentially the emotional weight that a fart has?
• 15:59
  Matt: Because when you really got a fart, and let's let me let me set the stage for you.
• 16:04
  Matt: You know, you're on like a first date.
• 16:07
  Matt: Okay.
• 16:07
  Matt: Okay.
• 16:08
  Matt: Candles are lit, tablecloth out.
• 16:12
  Matt: You know what I'm saying?
• 16:13
  Matt: You're you're trying to create an atmosphere.
• 16:17
  Matt: You're creating an atmosphere too.
• 16:18
  Eric: I've wear one of those, I've worn one of my button-down shirts.
• 16:21
  Eric: I got this really nice one where it's like just just a little tight on me, and like and like got that like second button over in the chest.
• 16:27
  Eric: It's nice.
• 16:28
  Eric: When I stand up straight, I look kind of jacked, but like, and then as soon as I sit down, you're like, oh, you're just you're just tall.
• 16:33
  Matt: For you personally, all right.
• 16:35
  Matt: To set the stakes for you personally, I'll say you went so far as to iron this shirt.
• 16:39
  Matt: Fuck it.
• 16:40
  Eric: So threw it in the dryer for 10 minutes.
• 16:43
  Eric: Sorry, that's what I meant.
• 16:44
  Eric: That's what I meant.
• 16:45
  Eric: So you owed an iron.
• 16:48
  Matt: You fluffed a shirt.
• 16:50
  Matt: Yes.
• 16:51
  Eric: So you have got a freshly fluffed shirt.
• 16:54
  Eric: Freshly fluffed shirt, got that dryer warmth in me.
• 16:57
  Matt: You're staring across the t the table at at a potential significant other.
• 17:02
  Matt: Ooh.
• 17:03
  Matt: A candid a candidate for the SO position.
• 17:06
  Eric: The old I be so lucky.
• 17:08
  Matt: Should you be so lucky?
• 17:11
  Matt: So you're looking at this candidate, and then it hits you.
• 17:15
  Matt: Then it then it makes its way down your sphincter as you realize the horrible truth.
• 17:25
  Eric: It makes its way down my sphincter.
• 17:27
  Eric: It's it's waiting.
• 17:29
  Eric: Like it's creeping out.
• 17:31
  Eric: It's like, here I come.
• 17:33
  Matt: It's like, you know the kind of fart I'm talking about.
• 17:35
  Matt: I know exactly.
• 17:36
  Matt: Where it is at I mean, the troops are at the gates.
• 17:40
  Matt: Yeah.
• 17:41
  Matt: The enemy is at the gates.
• 17:44
  Matt: They are pounding down.
• 17:45
  Matt: The battering ram is going, kapoom.
• 17:48
  Eric: They've got a cave troll.
• 17:50
  Matt: Yes.
• 17:50
  Matt: And so what happens to you?
• 17:52
  Matt: I don't know what happens to you, but what happens to me in this situation?
• 17:54
  Matt: Yeah, if I'm really trying to hold it back, if I'm really trying to protect it.
• 17:59
  Matt: Yeah.
• 18:00
  Matt: Oh, we're getting sweaty.
• 18:01
  Matt: Ooh, we're getting sweats.
• 18:03
  Matt: The anxiety is coming in.
• 18:05
  Matt: Can I stand up?
• 18:06
  Matt: If I stand up, will it just come out?
• 18:07
  Matt: Can I make it to the bathroom?
• 18:09
  Matt: What if I sneak it out?
• 18:10
  Matt: Can I just sneak it out?
• 18:12
  Matt: An SBD.
• 18:13
  Matt: But then she'll know everybody, everybody's so far away at this romantic atmosphere.
• 18:18
  Matt: There's no way out.
• 18:20
  Matt: And it you have the options of either let it out or hope it goes back up.
• 18:24
  Eric: Yeah.
• 18:25
  Eric: And so, like you're saying like the sweating and stuff is making you heavier.
• 18:29
  Matt: The whole operation, the turmoil that's going on inside the lobes of your brain.
• 18:35
  Matt: Isn't that adding a certain weight that cannot be quantified?
• 18:41
  Eric: So you're saying not farting makes you heavier?
• 18:44
  Matt: Right.
• 18:45
  Matt: But I'm saying if you just let it out, if you just subscribe to the better out than in philosophy, as fat bastard, I believe it was, decreed.
• 18:57
  Matt: Yes.
• 18:58
  Matt: Then if you won't you won't it be releasing, won't it be relieving?
• 19:03
  Matt: Won't it be lighter to be you?
• 19:06
  Matt: Emotionally, yeah, I agree.
• 19:08
  Eric: Emotionally, you will be lighter after farting.
• 19:12
  Eric: That is that is mentally, spiritually, you will be you'll be less, you know, heavy.
• 19:20
  Eric: Physically though.
• 19:21
  Eric: Physically though.
• 19:22
  Eric: Physically though, I think it's still technically.
• 19:24
  Eric: I I think I I'm physically, I'm gonna say it's a fucking wash.
• 19:30
  Eric: I'm gonna say it like I I'm gonna say you break even.
• 19:34
  Matt: Because of the the lifting factor the gas provides you versus the actual weight.
• 19:40
  Eric: Ooh, hold on.
• 19:41
  Eric: I've I didn't even think, and and folks, I'm sorry, like we're I know this is where we are.
• 19:48
  Eric: Here we are, 44 episodes in.
• 19:50
  Eric: And and just like really?
• 19:53
  Eric: This is this is what we've done.
• 19:54
  Eric: This is what we've been reduced to.
• 19:55
  Eric: Um I would be remiss if I did not point out that there's also like it's a non again, we're dealing with such small amounts, it is not noticeable.
• 20:06
  Eric: You would not be able to physically see this happening unless you're it's noticeable, let me tell you.
• 20:11
  Eric: But like anytime you fart, that is gas being expelled from your body.
• 20:17
  Eric: Yeah.
• 20:18
  Eric: Being carried along your intestinal tract.
• 20:20
  Eric: The smell is noticeable.
• 20:21
  Eric: The smell is noticeable, but you are also ejecting a a microscopic, but but still there amount of poop.
• 20:29
  Matt: Oh, slippery when wet.
• 20:31
  Eric: Like, and when I say uh I mean like cannot be seen with the human eye.
• 20:35
  Eric: Like you'd need a microscope.
• 20:37
  Matt: Yeah, but can't be seen by the human eye, but it can be felt by the human ass.
• 20:41
  Eric: Yes.
• 20:43
  Matt: And that poop's gotta go somewhere.
• 20:45
  Eric: It's out of it.
• 20:46
  Eric: It's coming out one way or the other.
• 20:47
  Eric: Like the poop factor.
• 20:49
  Eric: Factoring in the poop.
• 20:51
  Eric: I'm gonna say farting.
• 20:52
  Eric: Farting.
• 20:52
  Eric: Yeah, farting makes you lighter.
• 20:53
  Matt: It makes you lighter, not heavier.
• 20:56
  Eric: Yeah.
• 20:56
  Eric: Emotionally heavier.
• 20:58
  unknown: Physically.
• 20:59
  Eric: No, emotionally lighter.
• 21:00
  Eric: Sorry, yeah.
• 21:01
  Eric: Yeah, emotionally lighter, physically lighter.
• 21:04
  Matt: It's lighter across, I think we're saying it's lighter across the board.
• 21:07
  Matt: Honestly, I don't know why we don't promote farting more.
• 21:09
  Matt: Honestly, if you uh and listen, if you know the scientific answer to this, go ahead.
• 21:14
  Eric: Oh, keep it to yourself.
• 21:16
  Eric: Just this one, yeah, keep it to yourself.
• 21:19
  Eric: I I was gonna say you can't.
• 21:20
  Matt: Ironically, keep it to yourself.
• 21:22
  Matt: I was gonna say you can go ahead and send it to us that you didn't ask for this at gmail.com.
• 21:27
  Matt: Yeah, fuck that.
• 21:27
  Matt: Keep it to yourself.
• 21:28
  Matt: But my partner has uh vetoed it.
• 21:30
  Eric: I actually, this is I think this is healthy for me.
• 21:33
  Eric: I try to keep an open mind about so many things.
• 21:36
  Eric: I think I need to cordon off some things to be super close-minded about so I can give myself permission to be open-minded about everything else.
• 21:43
  Eric: I think I want to be a closed-minded asshole, like with his head in the sand, about this one thing.
• 21:48
  Matt: Also, I just want to say, in reference to the bit that I created a little while ago, you can skip several levels of a relationship by just farting on the first date.
• 21:58
  Matt: Yeah.
• 21:58
  Matt: Because you know what, if they're cool.
• 22:00
  Matt: With it because they're spoiler.
• 22:02
  Eric: Someone's like, Oh, I'm leaving this date because you farted.
• 22:04
  Matt: Like red flag, because spoiler alert, the farts are coming.
• 22:08
  Matt: Yeah.
• 22:09
  Eric: Okay.
• 22:09
  Eric: Yeah.
• 22:10
  Matt: Let me tell you, let me tell you this.
• 22:12
  Matt: Let me tell you this, everybody.
• 22:14
  Matt: If you don't fart in front of your significant other, something's wrong with you.
• 22:17
  Matt: Something's wrong with your relationship.
• 22:19
  Matt: Okay.
• 22:19
  Eric: Now, to that end to also give the converse to this, the converse.
• 22:25
  Eric: Um, we're not saying on the first date, walk up to your date and fart in front of them.
• 22:31
  Eric: We're saying is if you accidentally fart in front of them and they're like, ooh, gross goodbye forever, you're like, oh, cool, the trash took itself out.
• 22:38
  Eric: Like, right.
• 22:39
  Eric: Do you know what I mean?
• 22:40
  Matt: Yes, the trash took itself out.
• 22:42
  Matt: But you know, if they're, you know, if they make a comment uh back to you of like, uh, I don't know, even if they cover for you, if they like look at some other guy and be like, man, the fucking waiter over here, you know what I'm saying?
• 22:54
  Eric: If they cover for you, they are they're a good person.
• 22:58
  Eric: If if if they say like some if they immediately dunk on you for it, they're like, smooth move, X Lax, they're probably also a keeper.
• 23:07
  Matt: They're a keeper.
• 23:08
  Matt: If they come back, if you let one of those out and they're like, Oh, I knew you were full of hot air.
• 23:14
  Matt: Boom.
• 23:14
  Matt: That's like that's great.
• 23:16
  Matt: Now we're having fun.
• 23:17
  Eric: Accidental.
• 23:18
  Eric: Don't just start farting on your dates.
• 23:20
  Eric: That's not good advice.
• 23:21
  Eric: We don't, we don't recommend that.
• 23:23
  Eric: No, we we can't recommend it.
• 23:26
  Eric: If it happens, unless we don't yuck yums here.
• 23:30
  Matt: Oh, sure, yeah.
• 23:31
  Eric: If you are if you guys are meeting on that pretext entirely, maybe this isn't like an arrangement of sorts.
• 23:38
  Matt: If this is a fart meetup, if a fart meet keep fucking more power to you, you dog.
• 23:42
  Matt: Then you know, let her rip.
• 23:44
  Matt: Yeah, let like a bay blade.
• 23:45
  Eric: Let it rip.
• 23:46
  Matt: Let her l let her rip, ladies and gents.
• 23:48
  Matt: Go for it.
• 23:49
  Matt: Fuck yeah.
• 23:50
  Matt: And on that note, Eric, should we go to another question?
• 23:52
  Matt: Let's do it.
• 23:52
  Matt: So this next question comes to us from our friends over at uh Rambling Ronnie's podcast, uh, specifically on Twitter, which is uh Rambling Ronnie with an eye on um on Twitter.
• 24:05
  Matt: Uh Rambling Ronnie asks, why does nature pre-slice oranges and grapefruits?
• 24:12
  Eric: We're gonna come right out the gate.
• 24:14
  Matt: Yeah.
• 24:14
  Eric: I'm also gonna say on this, I am sure.
• 24:17
  Matt: Eric, I swear to God, if you hit us with science facts.
• 24:20
  Eric: No, fuck no.
• 24:21
  Eric: In fact, the opposite, because I'm like certain there's a science for this.
• 24:25
  Matt: There must be.
• 24:25
  Matt: I mean, I trust science.
• 24:27
  Matt: There's gotta be a science factor.
• 24:30
  Matt: But I don't need to understand it.
• 24:31
  Eric: We No, I I have zero interest in the quote unquote actual reason nature decided to pre-slice oranges and grapefruits.
• 24:42
  Eric: Um, I'm I'm just gonna try to like live my truth, if that's okay.
• 24:46
  Eric: You sure can.
• 24:46
  Eric: Um, I think it's because we fucking earned it.
• 24:49
  Eric: Interesting.
• 24:49
  Eric: And what makes you s what makes you think we've earned it?
• 24:52
  Eric: So, Matt, yes, the orange, uh huh, right, is native to like Asia.
• 24:59
  Eric: Um, like southern China, northeast India, Myanmar, like around there.
• 25:04
  Eric: So I just like want to put it in perspective.
• 25:06
  Eric: Like back in the day, yeah, nature was like, yo, check these out, check out these oranges.
• 25:14
  Eric: Like, and and you know, our ancestors were fucking like, oh yeah, man, I want to smash on that fucking orange.
• 25:19
  Eric: Well, they kept scurvy away.
• 25:21
  Eric: But like, also that scurvy, anti-scurvy on this podcast, very anti-scurvy on this podcast.
• 25:28
  Eric: If you have scurvy, keep my name out of your fucking mouth.
• 25:31
  Eric: Um, but like, if back in the day, if you wanted an orange, you're fighting like Bengal tigers and shit for that orange.
• 25:43
  Eric: You have to compete with so many natural predators.
• 25:46
  Eric: It it like the tropical forests of Asia are just filled with things that can and will murder you.
• 25:53
  Eric: Sure.
• 25:53
  Eric: And you want that orange, you're gonna have to fight a tiger to the death.
• 25:58
  Matt: And ironically, nowadays, you know, for us, they're found in Florida, and the Florida's also full of things that'll kill you.
• 26:06
  Matt: Yes.
• 26:07
  Matt: Uh so it's a danger.
• 26:09
  Matt: What you're saying is it's a dangerous jungle fruit.
• 26:11
  Matt: Is that what you're saying?
• 26:12
  Eric: It's like the most like dangerous jungle fruit.
• 26:16
  Eric: And so by the time you get it, not only that you have to get it, you have to get it.
• 26:20
  Eric: You have to fight a tiger to death.
• 26:22
  Eric: You have to climb a tree, probably while fighting the tiger, because tigers can climb trees.
• 26:28
  Eric: Also, fun fact tigers love swimming.
• 26:32
  Eric: Lions hate water, tigers love water.
• 26:36
  Eric: So there's no like, I'll just jump in the river, I'll be safe.
• 26:39
  Eric: No, they'll fucking murder you.
• 26:41
  Eric: And then you get you have to climb this orange tree, you have to find one that's ripe.
• 26:46
  Eric: So you're out there squeezing oranges, fucking dodging other tigers and shit, like probably fighting off flocks of birds of paradise as they I because I'm sure.
• 26:56
  Matt: You can Sam over here trying to get you that orange too.
• 26:59
  Eric: Yeah, fucking trying to kill you.
• 27:01
  Eric: You get the orange, and then you have to rip the skin off of it.
• 27:05
  Eric: You have to like get in there with your nails, tear that shit apart.
• 27:08
  Eric: So, yeah, by the time you get there, I think it's just like nature throwing you a bone, being like, all right.
• 27:15
  Eric: I was just gonna ask you how you go about peeling an orange.
• 27:19
  Eric: I have a friend who eats them like apples, bites into them skin and all, like an apple.
• 27:24
  Eric: It is the most upsetting thing you will ever see.
• 27:26
  Matt: I don't Eric, Eric, I don't know how to tell you this, but that is not a friend.
• 27:31
  Matt: That is you do not have a friend.
• 27:33
  Matt: You have a monster in your life.
• 27:35
  Eric: Yeah, he just some friends just want to watch the world burned.
• 27:39
  Matt: I grew up, I grew up with a friend named his name was Damien.
• 27:44
  Matt: Uh it's not not even a mega, I won't give a last name because that's really his name.
• 27:49
  Matt: Um, and he would eat a banana hole.
• 27:52
  Matt: Fuck that.
• 27:53
  Matt: And like, look, we all have since learned that the banana peel is like super rich in fiber and like very healthy.
• 28:00
  Matt: That does not matter.
• 28:02
  Matt: Does not matter.
• 28:02
  Matt: Does not matter to me.
• 28:04
  Matt: If you are eating the banana peel, you are a spawn of Satan.
• 28:07
  Matt: You are a bad person.
• 28:08
  Matt: You are a bad person.
• 28:10
  Matt: I so how do you peel it?
• 28:12
  Matt: What how do you personally peel it?
• 28:14
  Eric: So I start, so you know like the button thing on the outside, like the little nub, the little outie belly button thing.
• 28:20
  Eric: I begin by hooking my fingernails into that.
• 28:22
  Eric: This is the most satisfying part for me, and trying to pull that out.
• 28:26
  Eric: Like, like almost like like trying to like it, like like pulling a parasite out of someone's navel.
• 28:31
  Matt: Yeah.
• 28:32
  Eric: And uh, and then once I've like blown that hole, I like drive my thumbs in like I'm gouging someone's eyes out, and then I like split open and then I start peeling it all away.
• 28:43
  Matt: I can't do that.
• 28:44
  Matt: And I'll tell you, I can't because having the first of all, my nails are not very big.
• 28:49
  Matt: And so like I can't usually get a good grip anyway, but I don't want that shit under my nail.
• 28:56
  Matt: That like, Oh, I love that.
• 28:57
  Eric: Cause then my thingies, my thingies, they smell like uh orange zest all day.
• 29:01
  Eric: I love it.
• 29:02
  Eric: It's because you're like a trash person, you know?
• 29:04
  Eric: And you're like, I bought a fucking tiger, you piece of shit for this.
• 29:08
  Eric: You didn't, you didn't you didn't do that.
• 29:11
  Matt: And so so then my ancestors did.
• 29:13
  Matt: Like the other option is like uh biting it, like piece piercing it and going from there, and then you got that awful bitter taste.
• 29:20
  Eric: And you might get like the slight spray of essential oils into your eye.
• 29:24
  Eric: I don't know if you ever like when you're peeling orange, you see like the little mist.
• 29:27
  Matt: Yeah, absolutely.
• 29:28
  Matt: I've seen it.
• 29:29
  Matt: And then so what I do is I just take a little knife and get I get like a slice going, and then I go from and then I take it.
• 29:35
  Matt: Oh, you like corkscrew, you know, like peel it away.
• 29:37
  Matt: So what I'm saying, yeah, exactly.
• 29:39
  Matt: So I'm saying if we satisfy well, not even that, just a little slice so I don't have to make the opening cut.
• 29:44
  Matt: You know, the first cut is the deepest, as they say.
• 29:46
  Matt: So you do that, and then you can get the rest off because you know, I'm like a man of culture, you know what I'm saying?
• 29:50
  Eric: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 29:51
  Eric: And then there's my friend Brian, who bites into them like an apple.
• 29:54
  Matt: Brian is all.
• 29:56
  Matt: Brian is not your friend.
• 29:57
  Matt: He is he's a menace.
• 29:59
  Matt: He's a menace.
• 30:00
  Eric: He will look you dead in the eye as he chews it to.
• 30:02
  Eric: It is so upsetting.
• 30:04
  Matt: You know what he is?
• 30:05
  Matt: He's probably some sort of robot.
• 30:07
  Matt: He's sort of an android.
• 30:08
  Eric: I wish, I wish I could say he was a robot.
• 30:11
  Eric: I what I will say is I I can only pray to whatever gods may be, he's on our side.
• 30:16
  Eric: Well, this we can only hope.
• 30:18
  Eric: Uh uh.
• 30:19
  Eric: In Brian we trust.
• 30:20
  Eric: In short, in Brian we trust.
• 30:22
  Eric: In in short, that's yeah, we're getting off the rails here.
• 30:24
  Matt: So rap us, why don't you bring it up?
• 30:26
  Eric: My answer is we earned it.
• 30:28
  Eric: We earned it.
• 30:29
  Eric: We earned it.
• 30:30
  Eric: We fought tigers.
• 30:31
  Eric: We fought tigers, we climbed trees.
• 30:34
  Matt: Uh, any of any of the fruits that are pre-sliced, that are pre-portioned, you feel that we have over time, we have earned.
• 30:45
  Eric: Yeah, we've earned it.
• 30:46
  Matt: Interesting.
• 30:48
  Matt: Interesting.
• 30:48
  Matt: I I I do like this because everything you've said makes a lot of sense to me.
• 30:52
  Matt: You know, that they're hard to obtain, they're hard to open.
• 30:55
  Matt: They're you know, it's not something, it's not like an apple where you can just rip it off the tree and go to town.
• 31:00
  Matt: You know?
• 31:00
  Matt: The it's a prize inside.
• 31:02
  Matt: It's truly the cracker jack.
• 31:04
  Matt: Uh it is the cracker jack of the fruit community.
• 31:07
  Eric: Of the fruit tree nature.
• 31:09
  Matt: Of the fruit, for the fruit level of the pyramid.
• 31:11
  Matt: I I can't pretend like I remember what that pyramid looks like.
• 31:14
  Matt: But the three sides.
• 31:21
  Matt: I I I don't think it's three sides if it's a pyramid.
• 31:25
  Matt: Ow! Ah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 31:27
  Matt: Who's got the facts now?
• 31:28
  Matt: Who's got the facts now?
• 31:31
  Matt: So our next question.
• 31:32
  Matt: Oh, you think we're done with this, huh?
• 31:35
  Matt: I mean, yeah, we're done with this.
• 31:37
  Matt: We earned it.
• 31:37
  Matt: We earned it.
• 31:38
  Eric: We earned it.
• 31:39
  Eric: That should just be the tagline of oranges.
• 31:42
  Eric: You earned it.
• 31:42
  Eric: That should be the tagline of this podcast.
• 31:44
  Eric: Weird.
• 31:44
  Eric: Who sells oranges?
• 31:45
  Eric: Can they what you want to do an ad for for oranges now?
• 31:50
  Eric: Yeah.
• 31:50
  Eric: Just oranges, not a company.
• 31:53
  Eric: Selling out train as fast as humanly possible.
• 31:57
  Matt: Absolutely.
• 31:57
  Matt: We what our Eric, you know what?
• 31:59
  Matt: Can you uh please hit us?
• 32:01
  Matt: Here's not for a company.
• 32:02
  Matt: Not for a company.
• 32:03
  Matt: Just four oranges.
• 32:05
  Matt: Oh, yeah.
• 32:06
  Matt: Quick quick shout out to oranges.
• 32:07
  Matt: Eric, uh, and three, two, one, let's go.
• 32:11
  Matt: Oranges.
• 32:13
  Eric: You earned it.
• 32:16
  Eric: There it is.
• 32:17
  Eric: Like it right like there.
• 32:18
  Eric: Alright, here you go.
• 32:19
  Eric: Oranges.
• 32:20
  Eric: Oh, wait, wait, wait.
• 32:21
  Eric: I I didn't say anything.
• 32:21
  Eric: I didn't call it.
• 32:22
  Eric: I got chuckled.
• 32:23
  Eric: You're gonna no no no, you're gonna.
• 32:25
  Eric: You're gonna you're gonna pitch.
• 32:28
  Eric: Sure.
• 32:29
  Eric: Alright.
• 32:29
  Eric: Three, two, one, go.
• 32:34
  Matt: Every day when the sun creeps over the horizon and lights up the world, remind yourself that inside that terribly bitter and annoying to open peel of an orange lies the sunshine of your life.
• 32:53
  Matt: Oranges.
• 32:54
  Matt: It's basically the sun.
• 32:57
  Eric: And that was like the tiger world.
• 32:59
  Eric: Ooh, that like yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 33:01
  Eric: I'm feeling yours should be shot like a car commercial where it's like a lot of aerial swooping shots of like a guy climbing a tree with a tiger hanging over the room.
• 33:08
  Eric: You're just coming in to creatively direct my pitch.
• 33:11
  Eric: No, I'm coming in to creatively creatively improve it.
• 33:14
  Matt: Oh, oh, interesting.
• 33:16
  Matt: Okay.
• 33:16
  Matt: Uh all right, great.
• 33:17
  Eric: Because I see so much potential.
• 33:18
  Eric: I see so much potential for it being like amazing.
• 33:21
  Matt: And you know what, Eric?
• 33:22
  Matt: I say I I I have the same thing.
• 33:24
  Matt: I'd say yours is full of potential.
• 33:26
  Matt: I'd say yours is full of nothing but potential, considering it was four words.
• 33:30
  Eric: Oh, it sounds like you're just kind of piggybacking off of my artistic improvements.
• 33:34
  Eric: So, like it's alright.
• 33:36
  Matt: I'm just saying maybe more than like three words is good, you know, for an advertiser.
• 33:41
  Eric: Okay, here, here.
• 33:42
  Eric: I'll I've I've revised it.
• 33:44
  Eric: Oh, you're gonna do it again.
• 33:45
  Eric: Yeah, yeah.
• 33:45
  Eric: You get a second take.
• 33:46
  Eric: Okay, go ahead.
• 33:47
  Matt: Three, two, one.
• 33:49
  Eric: Oranges.
• 33:51
  Eric: You fucking earned it.
• 33:56
  Eric: Same one.
• 33:56
  Eric: I think fucking playing.
• 34:02
  Eric: Thank you.
• 34:02
  Eric: I accept the reward.
• 34:04
  Matt: What's that?
• 34:05
  Matt: What's that?
• 34:06
  Matt: Hold on.
• 34:06
  Matt: I'm getting uh I'm getting a note from our uh producer, um Eduardo.
• 34:10
  Eric: Yeah, oh yeah.
• 34:10
  Eric: What's our producer's name, Matt?
• 34:12
  Eric: Matt, what's his name?
• 34:13
  Matt: Uh it's Eduardo.
• 34:15
  Matt: Eduardo.
• 34:16
  Matt: Uh what's that, Eduardo?
• 34:18
  Matt: Fruit can't give us money.
• 34:20
  Matt: That's interesting.
• 34:20
  Matt: Um that that's interesting.
• 34:22
  Matt: Thank you, Eduardo.
• 34:23
  Matt: Um, um, we should get you a mic one day.
• 34:25
  Matt: Uh yeah, we should we should work on that.
• 34:27
  Matt: So we can find all right.
• 34:29
  Matt: Give us the next question.
• 34:30
  Eric: Next question, which next question is actually like uh this is this is a chain.
• 34:34
  Eric: So this this started on our Twitter.
• 34:37
  Eric: Um these three questions cascaded off of each other.
• 34:44
  Eric: Yes.
• 34:44
  Eric: Uh they are all cheese related.
• 34:48
  Eric: So first from none van.
• 34:50
  Eric: Where it all started.
• 34:51
  Eric: From where it all started at Zach Deuce, Zach E D uh asked, How many slices of American cheese is too much?
• 35:00
  Eric: Or is there no limit to its cheesy ecstasy?
• 35:04
  Eric: I can hear his questions in his voice.
• 35:06
  Eric: It's so good.
• 35:07
  Eric: I can hear it.
• 35:08
  Eric: Um, so and let's be clear right out the gate, he did specify American cheese, not cheese product.
• 35:16
  Eric: So we are talking about actual like yellow American non-craft cheese.
• 35:22
  Eric: Non-craft cheese is shit you would get from the deli.
• 35:24
  Eric: I would slam that shit back.
• 35:26
  Eric: American cheese slices from the deli, like there was no tomorrow growing up.
• 35:31
  Eric: We would have like a stack of them in the fridge at all times.
• 35:34
  Matt: And expanding on that, uh Dairy King Eleven at Dairy King Eleven responded to this tweet with piggybacking off of this one.
• 35:43
  Matt: What kind of cheese is the best cheese?
• 35:46
  Matt: And then Zachy D came right back.
• 35:48
  Eric: Circled back.
• 35:49
  Eric: Like, not a clap back because they're like working together, a clap forward?
• 35:55
  Eric: A clap forward.
• 35:56
  Eric: A clap forward, a a a clap aberration.
• 36:01
  Eric: Okay.
• 36:02
  Eric: Um, thank you.
• 36:04
  Eric: A collaboration.
• 36:05
  Eric: A collaboration.
• 36:06
  Matt: A collaboration.
• 36:08
  Eric: Where it is, can we get the hashtag started?
• 36:12
  Eric: Cla hashtag collaboration, studio blog.
• 36:15
  Eric: Hashtag collaboration is where you're you're clapping, you're clapping together at something.
• 36:19
  Eric: Like you're work yes.
• 36:22
  Eric: Zachy D comes back with, and after you determine what you know kind of cheese is the best cheese, what is the best form of said cheese?
• 36:33
  Eric: Such as thick, square, shredded, melted, etc.
• 36:36
  Matt: Etc.
• 36:37
  Eric: Thank you, Zachy D.
• 36:38
  Eric: Thank you, Dairy King 11.
• 36:41
  Eric: Um, oh my god, yeah, we just made we like inadvertently made a collaboration between two of our two titans.
• 36:49
  Eric: A collaboration.
• 36:50
  Matt: A collaboration between there is so much here to go on.
• 36:54
  Matt: So okay, so how many slices of American cheese is too much, or is there no limit to cheesy ecstasy?
• 37:01
  Matt: I think that I mean, I think again, to hit hit us with some factual answers, science answers.
• 37:08
  Matt: I think your tum tum tells you what's too much.
• 37:11
  Eric: Yeah, I would I would say I I want to take this question in its spirit, which is like, because you know, there are some cheeses where like, oh, I can have a slice or two of this, but any more than that.
• 37:21
  Eric: Like it's too strong.
• 37:23
  Eric: American cheese is so bad, which makes it so versatile.
• 37:28
  Eric: Like it's such a trashy cheese.
• 37:30
  Eric: And I love it.
• 37:31
  Eric: I love American cheese.
• 37:33
  Matt: American cheese is a bit of a it is it is a bit of an untouchable in the cheese hierarchy.
• 37:39
  Matt: Yeah, for sure.
• 37:40
  Matt: It's it's looked down upon by the other cheeses.
• 37:42
  Eric: Yeah.
• 37:43
  Eric: Um I would say it depends on the mode of delivery.
• 37:48
  Eric: Okay.
• 37:48
  Eric: If it's just cheese slices, I'll smash on that shit until I die.
• 37:52
  Eric: Like I'll I'll I'll just like there is I I I can't stop.
• 37:58
  Eric: Interesting.
• 37:59
  Eric: Okay.
• 38:00
  Eric: But if it's just like a solid block of cheese, that's that's that's the thing I'm realizing about American cheese in this moment is the amount of it I will eat is directly proportional to the amount of or is inversely proportional to the amount of work I have to do to eat it.
• 38:18
  Eric: You know what I mean?
• 38:19
  Eric: Like if I was just given a solid fucking brick of American cheese, I'd like cut a I'd cut like a piece off, nibble it and go, okay, and walk away.
• 38:28
  Eric: But if you handed me a 10-pound bucket of shredded American cheese, I'd just be eating that shit by the fistful.
• 38:33
  Eric: Like, or if I have it in slices, I'm just just devouring because I don't have to do any of the work.
• 38:38
  Matt: There's no limit to how many times you can go back for handfuls of shredded cheese.
• 38:43
  Eric: Oh my god, just pin mm.
• 38:45
  Matt: And that that goes for any any limit.
• 38:47
  Matt: Any any sh nor any any type of cheese.
• 38:50
  Matt: Mozzarella.
• 38:54
  Matt: Any of those shredded cheeses, cheddar, whatever, yeah in the gullet.
• 38:59
  Eric: So when it comes to American cheese, I will say depends on on how it's delivered.
• 39:05
  Eric: If it's shredded or sliced, there is no limit to the cheesy ecstasy.
• 39:08
  Eric: I mean instead of brick, I'll I'll give it.
• 39:10
  Eric: I'll no.
• 39:11
  Eric: I'll take a bite.
• 39:12
  Matt: I don't know about that, because you could just slice off the brick, you know.
• 39:15
  Matt: Yeah, but that's work.
• 39:17
  Matt: You're putting that on crackers.
• 39:18
  Eric: At that point, while I'm thinking about it, I'm like, why didn't I just buy slices?
• 39:21
  Matt: Well, well, actually, hold on.
• 39:22
  Matt: We gotta back up, Eric.
• 39:23
  Matt: This sp this does say specifically how many slices of American.
• 39:28
  Eric: Oh shit.
• 39:28
  Eric: Zachy D, I missed it entirely.
• 39:30
  Eric: Oh, how many slices?
• 39:31
  Eric: No, yeah, there is no limit.
• 39:32
  Eric: There is no fucking limit.
• 39:34
  Matt: Like for me personally, and the limit is determined by your tumtum because uh your tumtum will tell you.
• 39:41
  Matt: Yeah, like at that point, you go until your tummy's like you're gonna die, bro.
• 39:45
  Matt: I can't do this anymore, my man.
• 39:47
  Matt: That yeah, I think I think you gotta listen to your body.
• 39:51
  Matt: Yeah, you know, and so that that that pushes us into our next question.
• 39:56
  Eric: So, what kind of cheese is the best cheese?
• 39:59
  Eric: That's dairy king.
• 40:00
  Eric: Now, and now truly living up to his name.
• 40:03
  Matt: Truly living up to his name.
• 40:04
  Matt: I was just about to say, we are in the presence of the dairy king, and the dairy king is coming to us about a dairy question.
• 40:13
  Eric: Can we start promoting ourselves as the dairy king's advisors?
• 40:19
  Eric: Sure.
• 40:19
  Eric: His most trusted advisors.
• 40:21
  Eric: Why not?
• 40:22
  Eric: His viziers.
• 40:23
  Matt: Yeah, with you, sure.
• 40:24
  Matt: When okay when we've earned it, we've not earned it.
• 40:27
  Eric: We have no, we have most certainly earned it.
• 40:29
  Eric: DK, we we we're we're in your court.
• 40:32
  Eric: No game of thrones shit.
• 40:33
  Eric: Don't worry, we got you.
• 40:34
  Eric: We would never wink.
• 40:36
  Eric: Um uh I was winking to Dairy King and like nodding like at you, Matt.
• 40:41
  Matt: Like I got the nod, he got the wink.
• 40:45
  Eric: Yeah.
• 40:46
  Eric: Oh no, I'm nodding at like I'm like jerking my head towards you while winking at Dairy King.
• 40:51
  Matt: Oh, I see, I see, I see.
• 40:52
  Eric: Yeah, what could that mean?
• 40:53
  Eric: Find out next season.
• 40:54
  Eric: Um best kind of cheese.
• 40:58
  Eric: So we're this is where we're and let's be let's get a lot of shit out of the way.
• 41:02
  Eric: There are thousands of different kinds of cheese.
• 41:05
  Matt: There's so many.
• 41:06
  Matt: We couldn't even pick.
• 41:07
  Matt: We couldn't even begin to list them.
• 41:09
  Matt: So, like we're gonna will.
• 41:11
  Matt: Oh, sorry.
• 41:12
  Eric: Oh, you good, you good.
• 41:13
  Eric: Oh, oh, we're gonna.
• 41:14
  Eric: We're gonna list them.
• 41:16
  Eric: All right, Matt, you start.
• 41:17
  Eric: I'll fill in once you run out of breath.
• 41:20
  Matt: There's so many, but there's so many.
• 41:22
  Matt: I mean, there's I I think there's bigger, bigger types.
• 41:25
  Matt: Yeah, you know, the cheddar, the mozzarella, the the the American, the brie, the Buddha, the blue, the blue, the gorgon, the Swiss.
• 41:36
  Eric: Oh yeah.
• 41:37
  Eric: The Gruyere.
• 41:39
  Eric: Oh, so many.
• 41:40
  Eric: The Kurd, the noble curd, the Parmesan ethanol.
• 41:44
  Eric: Oh my god, parm Parmigian.
• 41:46
  Eric: Yeah, like I I can't eat so many.
• 41:50
  Eric: Uh I'm just gonna throw out my uh There's the devil's gulch cheese.
• 41:54
  Eric: Oh, what is in that?
• 41:56
  Matt: Uh I was literally.
• 41:58
  Eric: Are you reading off of Google?
• 41:59
  Matt: Yeah, I sure am.
• 42:00
  Matt: Uh well, I was reading off of um There's that one cheese they make via maggots.
• 42:06
  Matt: Well, I clicked on it.
• 42:07
  Matt: I was on Wikipedia, donate today.
• 42:10
  Matt: Um, and the it the link I clicked on took me to Cowgirl Creamery, which is located in Point Reyes Station, California.
• 42:18
  Eric: And that's the name of a business?
• 42:20
  Matt: That's the name of the business.
• 42:21
  Matt: That's not the name of like a a series of videos.
• 42:25
  Matt: Here's Redhawk, one of Cowgirl Creamery's signature cheeses.
• 42:29
  Matt: Cowgirl Creamery.
• 42:30
  Matt: I feel like they either put a lot of thought into that name or none whatsoever.
• 42:36
  Eric: Exactly.
• 42:37
  Eric: I hope they lean into it.
• 42:38
  Eric: I hope they lean into it.
• 42:40
  Eric: I hope they lean into it respectfully.
• 42:42
  Eric: Remember, it's all work out there.
• 42:43
  Eric: So best kind of cheese.
• 42:45
  Eric: I know all my homies want me to say cheddar.
• 42:48
  Matt: Or do they mean, hold on, Eric.
• 42:50
  Matt: What are you maybe we're we're getting too specific?
• 42:53
  Matt: Does it mean like soft cheese, hard cheese, you know, maybe.
• 42:57
  Eric: Well, that's the well, that's the third question.
• 42:59
  Eric: The third question is like, what is the best form of the best cheese?
• 43:03
  Eric: And that's where like stick, square, shredded, melted.
• 43:06
  Eric: And I think that's where like soft, hard and stuff would would come in.
• 43:10
  Eric: I and like let's be clear here.
• 43:12
  Eric: The best cheese is cheese is situational, right?
• 43:16
  Eric: Cheese is cheese.
• 43:17
  Eric: Cheese is situational.
• 43:18
  Eric: It's two in the morning.
• 43:20
  Eric: I'm a little drunk.
• 43:21
  Eric: I stumble to the fridge.
• 43:22
  Eric: I'm reaching for the American cheese slices.
• 43:25
  Matt: Yeah, if you've got that sitting next to a wheel of brie in at two o'clock in the morning.
• 43:31
  Matt: Yeah.
• 43:32
  Matt: At two o'clock in the morning, you're not reaching for the brie.
• 43:35
  Matt: No, you're not reaching for the brie.
• 43:36
  Eric: But if I'm about to entertain some guests and I've got a block of cream cheese and some presert, I'm like, you better I'm reaching for that breeze.
• 43:44
  Matt: Cream cheese.
• 43:44
  Matt: We didn't even talk about cream cheese.
• 43:46
  Matt: Cream cheese.
• 43:46
  Matt: Very personal.
• 43:47
  Eric: Fucking cream cheese.
• 43:49
  Matt: Damn.
• 43:50
  Matt: Yeah, cream cheese.
• 43:52
  Matt: Oh, and I can't believe we've taken this long.
• 43:55
  Matt: Because like, there's all these different types of cheeses.
• 43:57
  Matt: We haven't even talked about goat cheese.
• 44:00
  Matt: Oh goat cheese.
• 44:02
  Matt: Oh my God.
• 44:03
  Matt: Let me tell you.
• 44:04
  Matt: All right, found it.
• 44:05
  Matt: There is a goat cheese.
• 44:06
  Matt: There is a blueberry goat cheese that Harris Teeter makes that is fucking incredible.
• 44:15
  Matt: Go out and get it.
• 44:16
  Matt: Go out to the teeter and go out to the tits and get some.
• 44:19
  Eric: I'm actually gonna go ahead and say goat cheese is the best kind of cheese.
• 44:22
  Matt: I mean, that is a very popular cheese in this household.
• 44:26
  Matt: Because, like, let me tell you.
• 44:27
  Matt: I wish you would.
• 44:28
  Eric: I like I said, most cheese is situational.
• 44:30
  Eric: Like, you know, my my yellow cheese, my I feel like I am never once upset to see goat cheese.
• 44:39
  Eric: I'm never once like if I go to any charcuterie board, if I go to any spread and I see goat cheese, I'm like, well, I know what I'm smashing on.
• 44:48
  Eric: Good luck, everyone else.
• 44:50
  Eric: Good luck.
• 44:50
  Matt: Good luck to you.
• 44:52
  Matt: Yeah.
• 44:52
  Matt: You just want to you want to hit goat cheese like right away.
• 44:55
  Matt: You want to know why I I because the thing uh that about goat cheese that's keeping me from going all in is it is situational.
• 45:03
  Matt: Like it doesn't have the three in the morning, but it is like so different.
• 45:08
  Matt: Decadent.
• 45:08
  Matt: So it's so yeah, it's decadent.
• 45:10
  Matt: It's fancy yet rustic.
• 45:13
  Matt: Its very existence is fancy yet rustic.
• 45:17
  Eric: It's so complex.
• 45:18
  Eric: God, it appeals to everyone of all social standings.
• 45:22
  Matt: Wow.
• 45:23
  Matt: Oh, goat cheese fucking rule.
• 45:25
  Matt: So you think it is for the both the peasant and the bourgeois?
• 45:29
  Eric: Yes.
• 45:31
  Matt: Mmm.
• 45:32
  Matt: Are we saying goat cheese?
• 45:34
  Eric: I think we're saying goat cheese is the best kind of I think we have to take a strong stance.
• 45:38
  Eric: I think goat cheese is a strong stance.
• 45:40
  Eric: I'm not trying to pander to Big Cheddar.
• 45:42
  Eric: I'm not trying to like, and I say this, no, like no disrespect to anyone, because I was getting I was ready to say mozzarella, but then you hit me with goat cheese.
• 45:52
  Matt: Mozzarella was something on the tip of my tongue.
• 45:55
  Eric: For sheer div like for sheer diversity of serving and for sheer uh adaptability to the situation.
• 46:04
  Matt: Adaptability, because it and it feeds into the next question, right?
• 46:08
  Matt: Which is how uh it it every form of mozzarella is a banger.
• 46:15
  Eric: Every form, the giant balls of it, the pearls, the fucking sticks, the little round ones that come in the little wax thing.
• 46:23
  Eric: Absolutely love those.
• 46:25
  Eric: My my absolute favorite.
• 46:26
  Eric: You're talking about baby bells, by the way, but I think you're talking about a baby bell.
• 46:31
  Eric: My absolute favorite form of mozzarella is when you get like a hundred of the balls of it suspended in olive oil with seasoning and shit.
• 46:39
  Eric: Oh, yes.
• 46:40
  Eric: I will eat that shit straight from the tub.
• 46:42
  Eric: That's so honestly, goat cheese.
• 46:44
  Eric: I love you, but mozzarella, I think its versatility gets one out gets one out over on you.
• 46:49
  Matt: And it goes into so many things.
• 46:51
  Matt: Like goat cheese.
• 46:53
  Matt: Goat cheese isn't a good ingredient.
• 46:55
  Matt: No goat cheese is a good thing on its own.
• 46:57
  Eric: It's a good accompaniment, it's a good like w like being put on something after the fact.
• 47:03
  Eric: Yes.
• 47:04
  Eric: Or like I've had like goat cheese tarts and stuff, but I'm like, mainly the tart is the vehicle for a goat cheese.
• 47:10
  Eric: I'm like, mozzarella is a team player.
• 47:12
  Eric: Mozzarella is a mozzarella is a team player that can fight on its own, though.
• 47:16
  Eric: And that's what I fucking respect about it.
• 47:19
  Eric: That's what I love about it.
• 47:20
  Eric: That's what I fucking love about it.
• 47:22
  Matt: Okay, okay.
• 47:23
  Matt: So if we are saying that we're so so you think we're now saying mozzarella because it can because it can it's an ingredient, it's standalone.
• 47:32
  Matt: You say because of its versatility.
• 47:34
  Eric: It's versatility, it is amazing on its own, it's amazing in everything it's in.
• 47:38
  Eric: I've never been mad at it.
• 47:39
  Matt: I've never like it is I don't think mozzarella takes away from anything.
• 47:43
  Eric: No.
• 47:44
  Eric: It's never like oh that's the thing.
• 47:46
  Eric: It only lifts it up humble cheese.
• 47:49
  Eric: It's like, hey, I'm here.
• 47:52
  Eric: I'm here.
• 47:53
  Eric: Use me.
• 47:54
  Eric: Use me.
• 47:54
  Eric: Use me.
• 47:55
  Eric: Use me.
• 47:56
  Eric: Remember, use me, cheese daddy.
• 47:58
  Matt: Is work.
• 47:59
  Eric: All work is work.
• 48:00
  Eric: All work is work.
• 48:02
  Eric: Mozzarella is the fucking working man's cheese.
• 48:05
  Eric: Scratch that.
• 48:06
  Eric: Mozzarella is the working human's cheese.
• 48:09
  Eric: Fuck men.
• 48:10
  Eric: I think we can come.
• 48:11
  Matt: This is an anti-man podcast.
• 48:13
  Matt: Uh, this is an anti-man podcast.
• 48:14
  Matt: Speaking of men, we fucking suck.
• 48:16
  Matt: As men, let me tell you.
• 48:17
  Matt: So I was in this is a true story.
• 48:19
  Matt: I was in work uh at the in a work meeting the other day, and one of my coworkers said was uh like got some really bad news uh about a death of a relative, texted to them as opposed like in a oh by the way kind of way.
• 48:35
  Matt: And this was done by a man.
• 48:37
  Matt: And like, let me tell you something.
• 48:38
  Matt: I'm a I'm a good millennial.
• 48:40
  Matt: I don't pick up the phone unless I fucking have to.
• 48:42
  Matt: You know what I'm saying?
• 48:43
  Matt: I'm I'm team no call, but like for this, it's a call.
• 48:47
  Matt: This is a call.
• 48:48
  Matt: Yeah, yeah, that is a call.
• 48:50
  Matt: And she said, you know, why are men such doofuses?
• 48:53
  Matt: And there are only other women in this call besides me.
• 48:56
  Matt: And somebody else was like, hey, hey, hey, Matt's in the call.
• 48:58
  Matt: Matt's in the call.
• 48:59
  Eric: And I I some of you jumped immediately, immediately in.
• 49:03
  Matt: Oh, I did.
• 49:03
  Matt: I unmuted it to say, oh no, no, no, she's right.
• 49:07
  Eric: Well, yeah, like there's not on the money.
• 49:09
  Eric: Yeah.
• 49:10
  Matt: Got it in one.
• 49:10
  Matt: Better trash.
• 49:11
  Matt: Better trash.
• 49:12
  Matt: Got it in one.
• 49:12
  Matt: I I'm not here to defend my sex.
• 49:14
  Matt: Now, the here's what I have to say.
• 49:17
  Matt: What?
• 49:17
  Matt: If we're giving it to mozzarella, okay, does that make the next question more difficult?
• 49:21
  Matt: Which is oh yeah, because if mozzarella is the best cheese, what is the best form of it?
• 49:26
  Eric: So I think I've and I can feel like right now, I can feel the tweets being added.
• 49:33
  Eric: Like, like people are gonna come at us for this.
• 49:35
  Eric: Uh but I I feel like a majority of people aren't going to come at us over mozzarella.
• 49:42
  Eric: I think most people are reasonable-ish.
• 49:45
  Eric: Um but where I think they're gonna come at us is on our no matter what we answer to this next part, I think people are gonna come the fuck at us.
• 49:53
  Matt: Well, this is a very opinion, this is a loaded question because I'm sure there's gonna be people, you know, we picked mozzarella because it's versatile, but also like not just versatile in form, but versatile in situation, and so is cheddar.
• 50:08
  Matt: But I think where what we have here is a cheese that is just a little bit elevated from cheddar.
• 50:17
  Matt: It's a little fancier than cheddar.
• 50:20
  Matt: Not a lot, but a little bit.
• 50:21
  Eric: But it's not as gregarious as cheddar.
• 50:24
  Eric: Cheddar's like, yo, what up?
• 50:26
  Eric: It's me.
• 50:27
  Eric: Like mozzarella's like, hey, what's up, homie?
• 50:30
  Matt: I mean, of the big cheeses.
• 50:32
  Matt: You know what I mean by the big cheese.
• 50:34
  Matt: The big cheeses.
• 50:34
  Matt: I mean mozzarella is one of the big cheeses.
• 50:37
  Matt: Gruyere is not a big cheese.
• 50:40
  Eric: No, no, no.
• 50:41
  Matt: Gruyere's great cheese, but it's not a big it it's in that fancy cheese category.
• 50:46
  Matt: And I'd say of all the fancy cheeses, the the most the biggest cheese of the fancy cheeses is Brie.
• 50:54
  Eric: Oh yeah.
• 50:55
  Eric: Brie is the most ostentatious, it is the Downton Abbey of cheeses.
• 51:01
  Eric: It is it is yeah.
• 51:04
  Eric: It's like it's pretentious, it's good.
• 51:07
  Matt: But there are but there are more pretentious cheeses than Brie.
• 51:10
  Eric: Oh, oh, yeah.
• 51:11
  Eric: Oh, yeah, they're more pret pretentious than Bree.
• 51:13
  Eric: But Brie is like Bree is a good one.
• 51:14
  Matt: And I don't want to shit on Brie at all.
• 51:16
  Eric: No, Bree's fucking fucking love Brie.
• 51:18
  Eric: I fucking love Brie.
• 51:20
  Matt: Yes.
• 51:21
  Matt: But but that's why I'm like mozzarella, fucking salt of the earth cheese.
• 51:27
  Matt: That's what I'm saying.
• 51:28
  Matt: And so so so we have this.
• 51:31
  Matt: People might disagree, but you know what, Eric?
• 51:33
  Matt: They can get their own podcast.
• 51:35
  Eric: They can get their own podcast.
• 51:36
  Matt: So, what is the best form of it?
• 51:38
  Matt: Stick, square, shredded, melted, etc.
• 51:40
  Eric: I'm gonna say it.
• 51:41
  Eric: I'm gonna say, like, it just in and of itself, and this might be nostalgia talking.
• 51:46
  Eric: And this, I'm not even gonna say this is the best tasting.
• 51:49
  Eric: I'm gonna say this is the best way to experience the cheese.
• 51:53
  Eric: Oh string cheese.
• 51:56
  Eric: String cheese, babe.
• 51:58
  Eric: String cheese.
• 51:58
  Eric: Peel that shit apart.
• 51:59
  Matt: String cheese is a permanent part of our grocery order.
• 52:04
  Eric: Yeah.
• 52:05
  Matt: We we have we have a constant stream of string cheese.
• 52:08
  Matt: String cheese.
• 52:08
  Eric: String cheese.
• 52:09
  Matt: Now, string cheese, very versatile.
• 52:11
  Matt: Uh just in and of itself.
• 52:13
  Matt: Uh it's good mozzarella.
• 52:15
  Matt: You know, you you you can peel it, you can chomp it, you can adapt it to the situation.
• 52:19
  Matt: You can put it into things.
• 52:20
  Eric: Yeah.
• 52:22
  Matt: I I I don't know, Eric.
• 52:24
  Matt: I have to I have to bring in one category here.
• 52:27
  Matt: Because what I think is interesting here is it does he di the the Zachy D did include melted as a type.
• 52:36
  Matt: Yep.
• 52:37
  Matt: And if we're gonna if we're gonna meet the best of both worlds.
• 52:42
  Eric: I think I know what you're gonna hit me with.
• 52:43
  Matt: With stick, because I think stick is very strong.
• 52:46
  Matt: Say it.
• 52:46
  Matt: But melted is very good.
• 52:48
  Eric: Scream it from the mountaintop.
• 52:50
  Matt: I think if you want the peak ability of mozzarella, Matt, please, I'm so close.
• 52:57
  Matt: Then I then I won't change a thing.
• 53:01
  Matt: The peak of mozzarella can be found in the confines of a mozzarella stick.
• 53:08
  Eric: There it is.
• 53:08
  Eric: Mozzarus.
• 53:11
  Eric: I I don't even know why I like even thought for a second to pick anything.
• 53:16
  Eric: The mozzarella stick.
• 53:17
  Eric: God damn.
• 53:18
  Eric: Like, folks, just give it the fuck up.
• 53:20
  Matt: Eduardo, play the play the uh the uh bring it in, bring it in, bring it in.
• 53:24
  Matt: Thank you, Eduardo.
• 53:25
  Matt: Uh so the what I want to say about this is I have a story of if you can't can I can I take some more time to tell you a taste.
• 53:35
  Eric: Please, please.
• 53:36
  Matt: I was working with uh a Hungarian director.
• 53:38
  Matt: Okay.
• 53:39
  Eric: Okay.
• 53:40
  Eric: Oh, I remember when you were in Hungary.
• 53:43
  Matt: I was not in Hungary.
• 53:44
  Eric: I've never been in the Huggie, never once.
• 53:45
  Eric: I'm thinking of Poland.
• 53:46
  Matt: I was in Poland, yes.
• 53:48
  Matt: So I was yes, I was working with uh a Hungarian director on a on a on a theater piece um here in in Maryland, and they had never been, they had never had the American delicacy that is a mozzarella stick.
• 54:05
  Matt: Oh so I was present at the bar for their first mozzarella stick.
• 54:11
  Matt: Babe.
• 54:12
  Matt: And here's what you have to know about this director in in as a person.
• 54:18
  Matt: He's very like, I don't even know how to describe him.
• 54:20
  Matt: He's just like sort of ephemeral in his like eternal, like he everything he says, I think he's aware there's like a mystique about him, like, and he plays into it.
• 54:33
  Matt: You know what I'm saying?
• 54:34
  Eric: Fuck yes.
• 54:35
  Eric: I love that.
• 54:37
  Matt: So, and I will never forget this.
• 54:39
  Matt: We were he ordered mozzarella sticks, said he had never had it, and what can when he got it, he took a bite, and I said, So what is uh what's the review?
• 54:48
  Matt: You know, what are your thoughts on your first mozzarella stick?
• 54:51
  Matt: And he, you know, he took a moment to think, he took a moment to pause, and without making eye contact with me, he was looking up, not even at the ceiling, like past the ceiling.
• 55:03
  Matt: His eyes were watching God.
• 55:04
  Matt: His eyes were watching God as he said to me, it uh it does not pretend to be anything that it is not.
• 55:15
  Matt: It knows exactly what it wants, it knows exactly what it is.
• 55:21
  Matt: And I think that's beautiful.
• 55:23
  Eric: And that shit right there is why it's mozzarella and why it's mozzarella sticks.
• 55:28
  Matt: That is a real quote.
• 55:30
  Matt: That is That is fucking burned.
• 55:32
  Matt: I love this man.
• 55:33
  Matt: Burned into my memory.
• 55:35
  Matt: And I'll tell you why, Eric.
• 55:36
  Matt: It was so cinematic.
• 55:38
  Matt: It was like violins came in and the bar sounds faded away, and like an aura, a light surrounded him as he said this to me.
• 55:48
  Matt: And then he dipped it in the marinara sauce and uh just moved on with life as if he didn't just drop a uh a prophetic uh description of uh an innocuous task of eating a mozzarella.
• 56:04
  Matt: Brie is never gonna do that to you.
• 56:06
  Matt: Brie can't do that.
• 56:07
  Matt: Brie can't do that to you.
• 56:08
  Matt: Brie can't do it.
• 56:08
  Matt: Mozzarella stick, Ken.
• 56:10
  Matt: Brie is the kind of cues where you uh the second you eat too much of it, you feel you know it.
• 56:17
  Matt: You know it.
• 56:17
  Matt: You there is no, ooh, I better not have any more scoops of this Brie, or I'm gonna feel bad.
• 56:23
  Matt: It's just zero to sixty in terms of the tummy tami.
• 56:26
  Eric: Mozzarella, it's killing you as you're eating.
• 56:29
  Eric: Like you're you're like, oh, it hurts so good.
• 56:32
  Matt: And you don't and you embrace the pain.
• 56:34
  Matt: You embrace it.
• 56:35
  Matt: So there you go.
• 56:36
  Matt: There you go, Dairy King and Zach Deuce.
• 56:39
  Matt: Power couple.
• 56:40
  Eric: Power power couple of you didn't ask for this.
• 56:44
  Eric: Oh man, we have two power couples.
• 56:46
  Matt: We have many a power couple at this point coming into play.
• 56:49
  Matt: And we're pro-couple on the show.
• 56:50
  Eric: Oh, we are pro-couple on this show.
• 56:52
  Matt: And we're pro-singles.
• 56:53
  Matt: We're pro thruple.
• 56:54
  Matt: We're pro thropple.
• 56:55
  Matt: We're very pro-thruple.
• 56:56
  Eric: God damn, yeah.
• 56:57
  Eric: Like however, however many mozzarella sticks you have in your basket, good for you.
• 57:02
  Matt: However many partners you have in your basket, good for you.
• 57:05
  Matt: Yeah.
• 57:05
  Matt: So on that note, Eric, why don't we transition now to and and you know, normally in the past, with rounds one and two, we have broken it up.
• 57:15
  Matt: But we are coming right back around to the second half of round three of Google Gripes.
• 57:21
  Matt: Google Gripes!
• 57:23
  Eric: Matt, yeah, we're doing this.
• 57:26
  Eric: So we had one last show.
• 57:27
  Matt: Yes, we do.
• 57:28
  Eric: And we're immediately following up because I mean someone got three out of three.
• 57:34
  Matt: You got three out of three.
• 57:37
  Matt: I feel a ton of pressure here because if I miss just one, you missed just one.
• 57:44
  Matt: But that's okay.
• 57:45
  Matt: That's okay.
• 57:46
  Matt: I accept that that's a real possibility.
• 57:48
  Matt: All right.
• 57:49
  Matt: Or is it?
• 57:49
  Eric: And Matt, I and I want to be real with you.
• 57:52
  Eric: Like, I I I want to be clear.
• 57:54
  Eric: Uh, my intent when I crafted my my my reviews today, my Google gripes was to make me lose.
• 58:00
  Eric: No, I did.
• 58:01
  Eric: I I was like, I was like, I I'm not gonna be that person.
• 58:04
  Eric: I'm not gonna go there, like something like insanely hard.
• 58:07
  Eric: But Matt, I also came correct.
• 58:09
  Eric: Like, I'm not gonna give it to you, like I wouldn't insult you by giving.
• 58:12
  Matt: I don't want to I don't want an underhand toss.
• 58:14
  Eric: Yeah, I needed to reassure you that I will never do that.
• 58:17
  Matt: Okay.
• 58:18
  Matt: All right.
• 58:19
  Matt: I I and I thank you for not insulting me.
• 58:22
  Matt: So the f the first one.
• 58:26
  Matt: Oh, Eric, uh, just in case this is uh anybody's first show, and then if it is, wow, what a roller coaster to have started with.
• 58:33
  Matt: Um but Google Gripes is a show where we read uh three reviews of three well-known locations from Google, and they are all one-star Google reviews.
• 58:44
  Matt: So Eric is going to uh ask the Eric is gonna give me the reviews.
• 58:48
  Matt: I'm going to guess he got three out of three last time, and here we are.
• 58:51
  Matt: You're all caught up.
• 58:52
  Matt: Eric, okay, you were saying.
• 58:54
  Eric: I'm going to start with I'm just gonna come out the gate and Matt.
• 58:58
  Eric: I I I have three three reviews for this place.
• 59:01
  Eric: One star reviews.
• 59:03
  Eric: Yes.
• 59:03
  Eric: Um please don't ask me to re-say this first review I'm gonna read.
• 59:11
  Eric: Okay.
• 59:13
  Eric: I wanted to go here for many years since I was a kid, and I'm now in my 30s.
• 59:17
  Eric: My best friend took me here for my birthday to do a nighttime flashlight tour where I was met with nothing but disappointment.
• 59:23
  Eric: There were supposed to be no children under 13.
• 59:25
  Eric: There was supposed to be rooms open and pathways open that are normally shut.
• 59:30
  Eric: Open for this tour, and there are reports of the tour roped off that would normally be open for a daytime tour.
• 59:35
  Eric: And if you want to argue, how would I know that?
• 59:37
  Eric: Because my best friend who took me has been in this tour during the day, and we've seen the pictures posted from guests in your reviews.
• 59:43
  Eric: So, no excuses, guys.
• 59:44
  Eric: Why are you posting lies to sell tickets?
• 59:48
  Eric: That was the first piece of punctuation, was a question mark.
• 59:51
  Eric: There was nothing spooky about doing a nighttime tour at this place.
• 59:54
  Eric: None of the staff know any of the history of the home.
• 59:56
  Eric: So as we would walk through in these silly stuff, standing in dark corners in their black uniforms, would ask if we had any questions or if there was anything they could do to help make the tour better.
• 1:00:05
  Eric: A little history on the house would have been nice instead of just being told, oh no, I didn't believe in ghosts.
• 1:00:10
  Eric: This is just a job.
• 1:00:11
  Eric: We were asked to arrive 30 minutes early to stand in a freezing line outside and was still not let in till 10 minutes after seven before they started even letting the gates open.
• 1:00:21
  Eric: And staff are poorly trained.
• 1:00:23
  Eric: The advertisements to sell tickets are lies to make you think you're purchasing something exciting and adventurous that the normal community hasn't been able to experience.
• 1:00:31
  Eric: At the end of the tour, we went to pick up our pictures.
• 1:00:33
  Eric: I was told they were$30 by the girl selling them to me.
• 1:00:36
  Eric: I handed her my card.
• 1:00:38
  Eric: I came home with my pictures, and this morning when I checked my bank account, I noticed a$43.70 surcharge.
• 1:00:44
  Eric: And yes, I know it's tax.
• 1:00:45
  Eric: However, the total on my receipt says$39.95.
• 1:00:48
  Eric: So when someone asks you how much pictures are, you don't say they're$30, you say they're$40 plus tax.
• 1:00:53
  Eric: I will repeat myself again.
• 1:00:55
  Eric: You need to train your staff, whether it is the gift shop or whatever it's for inside the house for the tours.
• 1:01:00
  Eric: I will never ever recommend this place.
• 1:01:02
  Eric: And I'm glad to say it's off my bucket list so I can forget about it and move on with my life.
• 1:01:07
  unknown: Huh.
• 1:01:08
  Eric: Review number two.
• 1:01:09
  Eric: Okay.
• 1:01:11
  Eric: Did the night tour.
• 1:01:12
  Eric: Felt like a sixth grade elementary school haunted house.
• 1:01:15
  Eric: Very disappointed.
• 1:01:16
  Eric: We were wanting or expecting a tour with the history of the home.
• 1:01:19
  Eric: They've ruined the house and the whole creepy feeling it should have.
• 1:01:22
  Eric: Maybe the day tour is what we needed.
• 1:01:24
  Matt: Okay.
• 1:01:26
  Matt: Interesting.
• 1:01:27
  Matt: I'm writing down my suggestion to myself.
• 1:01:31
  Matt: Third one.
• 1:01:32
  Matt: Third one.
• 1:01:33
  Eric: Too overpriced.
• 1:01:34
  Eric: Save your money for something better.
• 1:01:35
  Eric: I'm an architectural designer, and what I saw was just a matter of poorly designed house.
• 1:01:40
  Eric: They should revise the value of the tours, so it uh it is too overpriced and generally not worth it.
• 1:01:46
  Eric: These things should be free for insert state here.
• 1:01:50
  Eric: Residents.
• 1:01:51
  Matt: Insert state here.
• 1:01:52
  Eric: At least offer a reasonable price.
• 1:01:55
  Matt: Okay.
• 1:01:56
  Matt: I think I have a good guess.
• 1:01:58
  Matt: Those are the three?
• 1:01:59
  Eric: Those are the three.
• 1:02:00
  Matt: Can I just get that first one again, Eric?
• 1:02:04
  Matt: I will not make you read it.
• 1:02:06
  Matt: I did I did pick out a couple of key phrases, which led me to uh an original thought.
• 1:02:12
  Matt: And my original thought Is this your guess?
• 1:02:16
  Matt: No, this is not my guess.
• 1:02:18
  Matt: This is not my guess.
• 1:02:19
  Matt: To put this in to put this in cue to put this in clue language, I am suggesting, as opposed to accusing.
• 1:02:28
  Matt: Okay.
• 1:02:29
  Matt: Uh the my suggestion at first, I I now have a better guess, I think.
• 1:02:35
  Matt: I thought maybe we were talking talking about a haunted house, night tours, different tours.
• 1:02:41
  Matt: I thought maybe we were talking about the Lizzie Borden house.
• 1:02:44
  Matt: Okay.
• 1:02:45
  Matt: But the next review, talking about the architecture, talking about these, and the first talking about these paths, day tours, night tours, free to a specific state.
• 1:02:55
  Matt: I thought, what house is very specific to a state, and you know what state it is in.
• 1:03:00
  Matt: And that led me to my guess.
• 1:03:02
  Matt: And the pressure is so high, I am sweating immediately.
• 1:03:06
  Matt: Are we talking about the Winchester Mansion?
• 1:03:08
  Eric: We are talking about the Winchester Mansion, Matthew.
• 1:03:11
  Eric: We are talking about the Winchester Mansion.
• 1:03:14
  Eric: Yes.
• 1:03:15
  Eric: Yes.
• 1:03:16
  Eric: I can feel my power growing.
• 1:03:18
  Eric: That's why I had to blank.
• 1:03:19
  Eric: If I said California, I knew that'd be a dead giveaway.
• 1:03:22
  Eric: Yeah.
• 1:03:23
  Eric: We are talking about the Winchester Mansion.
• 1:03:25
  Eric: Very good.
• 1:03:26
  Eric: I had that one, I had a lot of faith you would get because you were just so I know you're just so knowledgeable about this shit.
• 1:03:34
  Matt: As soon as you said architecture, I knew the Lizzie Borden House alone wouldn't cut it.
• 1:03:40
  Matt: And I thought, famous haunted houses.
• 1:03:43
  Matt: Winchester came to the top.
• 1:03:45
  Matt: The the and the thing about in the first review, I just pulled out that pathways comment.
• 1:03:49
  Matt: And that's how I got that.
• 1:03:51
  Matt: And now I can feel the overconfidence growing within me.
• 1:03:55
  Matt: So we better move on.
• 1:03:57
  Matt: Alright.
• 1:03:58
  Matt: Next one.
• 1:03:59
  Eric: First review.
• 1:04:00
  Eric: Pressure cooker.
• 1:04:02
  Eric: I was really disappointed to see that he's not interactive when I asked a local, they swore at me in Portuguese.
• 1:04:09
  Eric: Sworn you in Portuguese.
• 1:04:13
  Eric: Second review.
• 1:04:14
  Eric: The authorities seemed a bit miffed when I tried to climb it.
• 1:04:19
  Matt: I know where we are.
• 1:04:20
  Matt: Okay.
• 1:04:22
  Matt: I think so.
• 1:04:22
  Eric: Last one.
• 1:04:23
  Eric: I went to the wrong mountain, very disappointed.
• 1:04:26
  Matt: Went to the wrong mountain, tried to climb it, swore in Portuguese.
• 1:04:33
  Matt: The overconfidence within me is bubbling up.
• 1:04:37
  Matt: Oh, you have another one?
• 1:04:38
  Eric: There's a bonus one.
• 1:04:39
  Eric: It doesn't give you any.
• 1:04:40
  Matt: No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
• 1:04:42
  Eric: Give me the bonus.
• 1:04:42
  Eric: Give me the bonus.
• 1:04:43
  Eric: I just love this shit.
• 1:04:45
  Eric: One star review.
• 1:04:47
  Eric: Most awful trip of my entire life.
• 1:04:49
  Eric: Probably because of the company I had at the time.
• 1:04:51
  Eric: So he acknowledges in the review that it had nothing to do with the thing itself.
• 1:04:56
  Eric: Uh-huh.
• 1:04:57
  Eric: But he's like, but you will suffer this.
• 1:04:59
  Matt: So I I feel like I should debate it, but I think I know it.
• 1:05:04
  Matt: Yeah.
• 1:05:04
  Matt: I think I know it.
• 1:05:06
  Matt: And you know, it's it's too bad because if I had missed the first one, I could make a redemption joke because we're talking about Christ the Redeemer.
• 1:05:17
  Matt: Two for two, baby.
• 1:05:20
  Matt: Yes.
• 1:05:21
  Matt: The one I really wanted to include.
• 1:05:23
  Matt: The way it should be.
• 1:05:24
  Matt: It comes down to the last one.
• 1:05:27
  Eric: I'm so sad.
• 1:05:28
  Eric: There was also another review that was, yeah, I didn't feel very redeemed.
• 1:05:32
  Eric: And I like I wanted to, but that would have just been too much.
• 1:05:36
  Eric: The nail in the coffin for it, if you will.
• 1:05:38
  Eric: Last one.
• 1:05:39
  Matt: Shouldn't talk about nails with that, I guess.
• 1:05:41
  Matt: Anyway, continue.
• 1:05:42
  Eric: First review.
• 1:05:43
  Matt: Yes.
• 1:05:45
  Eric: Too commercial, like Disneyland in the middle of the wilderness, was profoundly disappointed in this area of blank.
• 1:05:54
  Eric: Teddy Roosevelt would be spinning in his grave to see that shit show.
• 1:05:58
  Matt: Teddy Roosevelt?
• 1:06:00
  Matt: Roosevelt.
• 1:06:01
  Matt: Interest wilderness and Teddy Rose.
• 1:06:04
  Matt: Okay.
• 1:06:04
  Matt: Okay.
• 1:06:05
  Matt: Next review.
• 1:06:06
  Eric: Very anticlimactic.
• 1:06:08
  Eric: The speakers must have been broken since there were no sound effects or music.
• 1:06:12
  Eric: There was so much steam that it just blended with the clouds.
• 1:06:15
  Eric: So it was just like looking at the sky.
• 1:06:17
  Eric: Not worth the wait, nor the lines for the bathroom afterward.
• 1:06:21
  Eric: Okay.
• 1:06:22
  Eric: Last review.
• 1:06:24
  Eric: Okay.
• 1:06:26
  Eric: Was five minutes late and wasted a lot of water.
• 1:06:30
  Matt: Was five minutes late and wasted a lot of water.
• 1:06:36
  Eric: And I do have a bonus one, but I can only tell it to you after we reveal what it is.
• 1:06:41
  Matt: Okay.
• 1:06:42
  Matt: I do think I have a guess.
• 1:06:44
  Matt: Okay.
• 1:06:44
  Matt: I was five minutes late, wasted a lot of water.
• 1:06:47
  Matt: Teddy Roosevelt.
• 1:06:49
  Matt: Can you give me the second one again?
• 1:06:51
  Eric: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 1:06:52
  Eric: Very anticlimactic.
• 1:06:54
  Eric: The speakers must have been broken since there were no sound effects or music.
• 1:06:59
  Eric: There was so much steam that it all just blended with the clouds, so it was just like looking at the sky.
• 1:07:05
  Eric: Not worth the wait time, nor the line for the bathroom afterward.
• 1:07:09
  Matt: So much steam.
• 1:07:14
  Matt: Ooh no, now I might be fucked up a little bit.
• 1:07:19
  Matt: I am lost.
• 1:07:24
  Matt: I I don't know.
• 1:07:27
  Eric: Um if you don't get it, you're gonna be so mad when I tell it to you.
• 1:07:31
  Matt: I have two guesses.
• 1:07:32
  Matt: Ooh.
• 1:07:33
  Matt: And they are competing with each other.
• 1:07:35
  Matt: Okay.
• 1:07:36
  Matt: And they both are giant feats of engineering.
• 1:07:42
  Matt: Okay.
• 1:07:44
  Matt: I said that to see if you'd give me anything.
• 1:07:47
  Matt: And I can't tell if you were like, wow, you're all if that okay was you're really on the wrong track, or oh no, he's circling the grain.
• 1:07:55
  Eric: Hmm.
• 1:07:56
  Matt: Hmm.
• 1:07:57
  Matt: Hmm.
• 1:07:57
  Matt: Hmm.
• 1:07:58
  Matt: I'm trying to get years in my head.
• 1:08:00
  Matt: You know, I'm trying to get years correct.
• 1:08:02
  Eric: We've got Teddy Roosevelt, we've got wilderness, we've got water, we've got waiting, we've got anticlimactic.
• 1:08:11
  Matt: I'm gonna say a guess, and I think it's wrong.
• 1:08:15
  Matt: I don't think the timeline in history is correct.
• 1:08:18
  Matt: Okay.
• 1:08:19
  Matt: And I I am upset that it's gonna come down to this.
• 1:08:21
  Matt: And you've already told me that when I get it wrong, I'm gonna be upset with myself.
• 1:08:29
  Matt: I think I don't I think I'm gonna end up two for three.
• 1:08:31
  Matt: And just for a moment, I'm trying to just try to stay in the moment where I know the answer, and I'm gonna throw up.
• 1:08:38
  Matt: Uh where I haven't lost yet, but I I'm gonna lose.
• 1:08:42
  Matt: I know it.
• 1:08:44
  Matt: Panama Canal.
• 1:08:47
  Eric: Matthew.
• 1:08:49
  Eric: That is incorrect.
• 1:08:51
  Matt: I know.
• 1:08:51
  Matt: I knew it.
• 1:08:52
  Matt: I knew it was incorrect.
• 1:08:54
  Eric: The answer.
• 1:08:55
  Matt: Don't say if it's the other guess I had, I'm gonna lose.
• 1:08:58
  Matt: Can I tell you my other guess?
• 1:08:59
  Matt: Tell me your other guess.
• 1:09:00
  Matt: Because I'm wrong.
• 1:09:01
  Matt: I'm two for three.
• 1:09:02
  Matt: You won the round.
• 1:09:02
  Eric: Hit me with it.
• 1:09:03
  Matt: You've already won the round.
• 1:09:04
  Matt: I can see it.
• 1:09:05
  Eric: I'll save the victory lap.
• 1:09:06
  Eric: We're still in a safe space.
• 1:09:08
  Matt: My other thought was the Hoover Dam.
• 1:09:10
  Matt: Also incorrect.
• 1:09:11
  Matt: Okay, thank Christ.
• 1:09:12
  Matt: Okay, good.
• 1:09:13
  Eric: I I love seeing the I love that that is how your brain works.
• 1:09:16
  Eric: Like, I'm relieved to be totally wrong.
• 1:09:18
  Matt: At least I'm totally wrong.
• 1:09:20
  Matt: Um at least I didn't know the.
• 1:09:22
  Eric: I understand that if you just missed it, if it had been in so are you?
• 1:09:25
  Matt: Because I knew I knew the I knew the years didn't line up for the Hoover Dam for Teddy Roosevelt.
• 1:09:30
  Matt: I knew that.
• 1:09:30
  Matt: But all right, anyway, anyway.
• 1:09:32
  Eric: The answer is old faithful in Yellowstone Park.
• 1:09:37
  Eric: Oh faithful.
• 1:09:40
  Eric: Old all faithful.
• 1:09:43
  Eric: Which brings me to my bonus review.
• 1:09:45
  Eric: Didn't wait for us to be alone, just did it with everyone standing there.
• 1:09:49
  Eric: Not very faithful at all.
• 1:09:56
  Matt: That would have given him away, but that that was a worthy.
• 1:10:00
  Matt: Yeah.
• 1:10:00
  Matt: That was a worrying, worthy coda.
• 1:10:02
  Matt: So Eric, you have won.
• 1:10:05
  Eric: And it's sweet, sweet, sweet victory.
• 1:10:10
  Matt: Eric, you know what that brings us to?
• 1:10:13
  Matt: Round one, I won three to two.
• 1:10:18
  Matt: Round two was a draw at one-one.
• 1:10:23
  Matt: And round three is a three-two victory for you.
• 1:10:26
  Matt: What we have here, Eric, over the first three rounds, is a draw.
• 1:10:34
  Matt: Still.
• 1:10:35
  Matt: We are entering super sudden death.
• 1:10:38
  Matt: You have a win, I have a win, and we have a draw.
• 1:10:41
  Matt: Fuck, dog! I was gonna wonder, do we need to have a sudden death uh round?
• 1:10:46
  Matt: I I don't even know how it works.
• 1:10:49
  Matt: I don't even know how it would work.
• 1:10:51
  Eric: You know how we Matt, do we need to bring in a third party to give us like a third griper to come in, give us things and we compete?
• 1:11:01
  Eric: Like we we uh well we already have a round that tied.
• 1:11:06
  Matt: Yeah, but like I feel like this requires an outside, like but yeah, but you know, because that's the circumstance where we have three and are we are you saying we only need tiebreaker when we're both perfect?
• 1:11:19
  Matt: Like, that's the thing.
• 1:11:20
  Matt: We've broken even.
• 1:11:22
  Matt: We're still dead set.
• 1:11:23
  Matt: We need a you you you want us to request a guest griper?
• 1:11:27
  Matt: Yes.
• 1:11:28
  Matt: All right.
• 1:11:29
  Matt: Well, if you want to be a guest griper, um, I guess let us know.
• 1:11:33
  Matt: Yeah.
• 1:11:34
  Matt: Uh along with sending us.
• 1:11:36
  Eric: And by the way, this isn't a lead up to a bit where I'm like, and it's gonna be like, no, like I'm trying to think of who we bring in, who do we trust?
• 1:11:45
  Matt: Did you not hear me perfectly cued up to go into the business?
• 1:11:49
  Matt: Didn't you hear me start?
• 1:11:50
  Eric: I am so sorry, Matt.
• 1:11:53
  Eric: Please, and I say this with utmost sincerity, give them the business.
• 1:12:02
  Matt: You give them the business.
• 1:12:03
  Matt: I'll give you the business, all right?
• 1:12:05
  Matt: Yeah.
• 1:12:05
  Matt: Okay, so if you want to be a Google Griper, because as Eric said, we we weren't teeing up a bit, we weren't teeing up a big reveal.
• 1:12:12
  Matt: We don't, we were talking up production questions live on the mic.
• 1:12:16
  Eric: That's how we do.
• 1:12:17
  Eric: That's how we do it.
• 1:12:18
  Matt: Shit is fresh.
• 1:12:19
  Matt: You you are as much a producer of this podcast, dear listener, as Eduardo over here.
• 1:12:26
  Matt: You own shares.
• 1:12:27
  Matt: You you are the shares.
• 1:12:28
  Matt: You are the shares.
• 1:12:29
  Matt: So if you wanna if you want to be a guest scriper or send us good locations or whatever, uh go ahead, reach out to us, and do the same for your questions, your unlikely fights, your uh your weird news, your local legends, especially those.
• 1:12:45
  Matt: We need we want to talk about your local legends.
• 1:12:48
  Matt: So send those our way, and you can do that so many places that you didn't ask for this, gmail.com, all spelled out, or the letter you didn't ask pod.
• 1:12:58
  Matt: That's the letter you didn't ask pod on Instagram, Twitter, or Facebook, all the same situation there.
• 1:13:04
  Matt: You can call us and leave us a voice line.
• 1:13:07
  Matt: A voice line.
• 1:13:09
  Matt: I was on a roll, too.
• 1:13:10
  Matt: You can leave us a voicemail on the thought line.
• 1:13:13
  Matt: On the thought line.
• 1:13:15
  Matt: And that number is 410-929-5329.
• 1:13:23
  Matt: Leave us a voicemail on the thought line today.
• 1:13:27
  Matt: Eric.
• 1:13:28
  Matt: Yes.
• 1:13:29
  Matt: I think that's the business.
• 1:13:30
  Matt: I think I gave it to them.
• 1:13:31
  Matt: You gave it to them.
• 1:13:32
  Matt: Now, do we have anything else we need to settle?
• 1:13:34
  Matt: Any feuds or anything?
• 1:13:36
  Eric: No, I mean good.
• 1:13:38
  Eric: Yeah.
• 1:13:38
  Matt: I'm just glad.
• 1:13:39
  Matt: I'm just glad that there's nothing at all.
• 1:13:41
  Matt: I mean, uh to be honest, this recording is uh happening weeks in advance, actually, of the release of this episode.
• 1:13:48
  Matt: So who knows who wants to fight with us by the time it comes out?
• 1:13:51
  Matt: So for them, our foes, and for all our all our friends, and for all of us here, that you didn't ask for this.
• 1:14:00
  Matt: My name's Matt Shea.
• 1:14:02
  Eric: My name's Eric Poach.
• 1:14:03
  Eric: And listen, you didn't ask.
• 1:14:05
  Eric: But let me just hit you with this.
• 1:14:07
  Eric: Hit us.
• 1:14:07
  Eric: And I'm gonna need you guys to trust me on this one.
• 1:14:10
  Eric: Oh, where you love mozzarella sticks?
• 1:14:12
  Matt: Mozzarella.
• 1:14:13
  Eric: Order some mozzarella sticks, and I mean good ones.
• 1:14:15
  Matt: I think I know what you're gonna say, and I'm so excited.
• 1:14:18
  Eric: Drizzle those sluds with honey.
• 1:14:21
  Matt: Oh, that's not what I was.
• 1:14:23
  Matt: Drizzle those mozzie sticks with honey.
• 1:14:28
  Matt: Let me let me tell you this, Eric.
• 1:14:29
  Matt: That is something I'm gonna try.
• 1:14:31
  Matt: I know we're supposed to get into a playout, but this is a real bit of advice because if you want your mind blown, if you want your life changed, okay, there is I know I know two different restaurants that are an Indian Italian crossover.
• 1:14:46
  Matt: Oh, shut the fuck up.
• 1:14:47
  Matt: So if you know one of those, you can order these right away.
• 1:14:50
  Matt: But if you don't, you're gonna have to order from both an Italian place that makes or a place that offers mozzarella sticks and an Indian restaurant.
• 1:14:57
  Matt: If you dip a mozzarella stick in one of these substances, masala sauce, oh yes, or buttercurry sauce, butter curry, or just curry in general.
• 1:15:10
  Matt: I promised you.
• 1:15:11
  Matt: I promised you, you are gonna enter a level of ecstasy you didn't know was achievable.
• 1:15:17
  Matt: You're gonna be eating that, and just like you said earlier, I'm close.
• 1:15:21
  Matt: I'm gonna I'm close.
• 1:15:27
  Matt: It will get you there.
• 1:15:28
  Eric: It will get you there.
• 1:15:29
  Eric: It will get you that will get you there.
• 1:15:31
  Matt: It will get you there.
• 1:15:32
  Matt: Cue the applause.
• 1:15:33
  Matt: Send it.
• 1:15:34
  Matt: Send it.
• 1:15:38
  Eric: Oh man.