Latest / The Warrior Kings Podcast : Men's Self Help Masculinity Podcast / The Lies Running in the Background of Your Marriage (And How to Destroy Them) | The Warrior Kings Podcast Ep.104

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The Lies Running in the Background of Your Marriage (And How to Destroy Them) | The Warrior Kings Podcast Ep.104 · The Warrior Kings Podcast : Men's Self Help Masculinity Podcast

• 0:00
  I used to believe that rich people were evil, that marriage
• 0:03
  was gonna be hard, that I was the type of guy who couldn't
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  succeed, and I never stopped to consider where those beliefs
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  came from. But they were quietly wrecking
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  every area of my life, including my relationships.
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  The day I started identifying and destroying those false
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  beliefs was the day everything started to change.
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  If it's your first time here, my name is Michael Riggs.
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  I'm a full time author, entrepreneur, men S personal
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  development and marriage mentor, husband and father of six, And I
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  teach men all over the world how to live fully optimized, leveled
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  up lives and how to have happy, thriving marriages.
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  So if that's something you're into, definitely stick around.
• 0:40
  Subscribe to this podcast, subscribe to this YouTube
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  channel wherever you're getting this because that's what we do
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  here every week. And today we're going to dive
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  into the psychology of preconceived beliefs, limiting
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  beliefs that have been quietly living in the back of your mind
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  to keep you from having a happy, thriving marriage and living a
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  fully optimized, leveled up life.
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  Stick around. Hello, and welcome to the
• 1:02
  Warrior Kings podcast. I'm your host, Michael Riggs
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  here to assist you on your journey to living a fully
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  optimized, leveled up life as a man.
• 1:10
  So again, welcome and welcome back to the Warrior Kings
• 1:14
  Podcast. This is episode 2 in this
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  marriage series, this little marriage series that I started.
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  It's going to be 5 episodes long.
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  And if you were here last week, we talked about how your wife
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  perceives you and how to be the best version of yourself every
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  time you're going to be around her.
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  Super powerful message, super powerful episode.
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  So if you missed that, definitely go back and check
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  that out after this one. Lots of valuable information in
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  there if you're trying to level up your marriage or if you're
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  even trying to save your marriage.
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  But yeah, welcome to episode 2 of this series.
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  A little background on me, I don't know if I mentioned this
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  last time, but I was in a relationship for 10 years and we
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  had two kids together and I was a nightmare in that
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  relationship. I did all of the wrong things
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  thinking that I was doing all of the right things because nobody
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  ever taught me how to be a husband, how to be in a
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  marriage, or even how to properly communicate with a
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  woman. And one day she packed up, she
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  moved in with her parents and told me it was over.
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  And I was left by myself. And I had two choices in that
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  moment. Either I could crash and burn
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  like everybody expected me to, or I can make the decision to
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  level up myself, level up my life.
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  So I dove into books, courses, content, podcasts.
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  I learned as much as I possibly could.
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  I got obsessed with learning what it means to be a man,
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  especially in marriage and relationships.
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  And that's what has called me to do this work is sharing all of
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  the information that I learned over those years with men all
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  over the world. And now I'm in my dream marriage
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  with my dream wife and we have 4 awesome kids together.
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  So I'm now a father of six. And that's a little bit of my
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  story. That's why I'm here talking to
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  you today. That is my credentials.
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  And with all that being said, let's dive right into the
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  episode. This message is titled The Mind
• 2:53
  of a Warrior husband Destroying the lies that are killing your
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  marriage. You might have heard the term
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  limiting beliefs before. It's really big in the personal
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  development self help space. You hear it everywhere.
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  Limiting beliefs. You got to destroy your limiting
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  beliefs. And if you overhear it, it
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  starts to sound a little cheesy, a little corny.
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  It's what all coaches say, get rid of your limiting beliefs.
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  But they are real and that's what we're going to be talking
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  about today. And what I call them is life
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  ruining fictitious mental constructs.
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  I first called them that in my book Warrior Husband.
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  And the reason that I called them life ruining fictitious
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  mental constructs is because one, they're life ruining, 2,
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  they're fictitious, they're not real.
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  And three, they're mental constructs.
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  They're made-up in your mind or they exist in your subconscious
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  mind and they hold no base in reality.
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  So you might ask yourself, where do limiting beliefs life ruining
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  fictitious mental constructs, how do we begin to believe them?
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  Where do they come from? Well, ever since we're little
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  kids, we're being programmed and all of us are programmed
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  differently. That's another fascinating way
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  to look at it is I believe the things that I believe because I
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  lived the life that I live and everyone around me, every person
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  that you encounter has different beliefs, a different set of
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  beliefs. They have their own set of
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  limiting beliefs that might be completely different than yours.
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  They come from things our parents told us, things our
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  teachers told us, things our friends told us when we were
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  growing up. They come from stupid things
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  that kids told us when we were in middle school.
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  You know what? Our entire lives were being
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  programmed. You can even gain some new
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  limiting beliefs in your adulthood.
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  Like the process never really stops, but what's happening is
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  it's building your belief framework, how you see the
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  world, how you perceive the world and how it works.
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  And some of the things we learn are true and some of the things
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  we learn are nonsense. They don't make any sense.
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  And a lot of them are universally believed things.
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  Like let's give some examples of some life ruining fictitious
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  mental constructs. One big one is that rich people
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  are evil or they must be evil if they have a lot of money,
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  because you can only get a lot of money if you do something
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  wrong, if you wrong somebody else, if you're an evil person.
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  And so you might think of all rich people as evil, when
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  actually that holds no basic in reality, it's a life ruining
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  fictitious mental construct. And that belief can actually
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  hold you back from your success or even pursuing success because
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  in the back of your mind you believe that if you were rich,
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  somehow you are inherently evil. Another limiting belief that you
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  might have gathered over the course of your life is that
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  you're a shy, awkward person. And then that becomes a self
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  fulfilling identity. You tell yourself that all the
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  time and it keeps you from living a joyful life.
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  You can't stand social situations.
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  You get anxiety, you get nervous when you're going to be in a
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  group setting because you have told yourself your entire life
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  that you are shy. And if you trace that all the
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  way back, somebody probably told you when you were eight years
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  old that you were a shy person and you held on to that and told
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  yourself that story your entire life.
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  And you might be asking yourself, Michael, what does
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  this have to do with marriage? This is a marriage series.
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  Well, there are a ton of life ruining fictitious mental
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  constructs that are programmed into us about marriage.
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  And one of the big ones, one of the number one killers, is that
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  marriage is hard or marriage is going to be hard.
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  When you're a young man and you're going into getting
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  married, people say, oh, you're gonna really have to work on it.
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  It's going to be difficult. You better get some premarital
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  counseling to prepare you for how horrible marriage is.
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  And this belief is usually handed down by like, well
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  meaning older relatives or you might have heard it a bunch of
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  times in church, that marriage is miserable.
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  It's going to be hard, that you're gonna have to work at it.
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  And this is one of the most destructive beliefs that a man
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  can carry into a marriage. And this is what's called a
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  preconceived belief or a preconceived notion.
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  When you go into something believing something about it,
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  that outcome is based on that belief.
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  So what happens when you go into your marriage believing that
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  it's going to be miserable, that you're really going to have to
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  work at it? What if the belief, the
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  universal belief, is that marriage is the greatest thing
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  that has ever happened to anyone?
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  Everyone's striving and trying to get married because there
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  couldn't be anything better. Everybody who's married is just
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  so fulfilled and happy. What if people, those older
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  people told you when you told them that you were getting
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  married? What if they didn't say marriage
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  is going to suck, it's going to be miserable, you better get
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  some premarital counseling to prepare yourself for it.
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  What if instead they said, oh you better get ready, you better
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  get ready, it's going to be amazing.
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  You are not even prepared for how awesome this is going to be
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  to share your life with someone. What if that was the belief?
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  How differently would you go into that marriage?
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  Because here's the thing, marriage doesn't have to be
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  hard. Ask me how I know.
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  I'm in one of the best marriages I've ever heard of in my life.
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  It's the best thing that's ever happened to me.
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  Me and my wife are best friends. We want to spend every minute
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  together. Marriage doesn't have to be
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  hard. And maybe you're really having
• 7:35
  to work at it because you went into your marriage with this
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  belief that's been normalized by society, that marriage is going
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  to be hard. You know, the normalization of
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  divorce, when in fact divorce is very weird.
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  What is the point of committing to spending the rest of your
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  life with someone if you could just break it off at any moment?
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  It doesn't make any sense. It's a weird concept.
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  Think about it. But it's been so normalized.
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  Marriage problems have been so normalized that we believe these
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  things. We go into our marriage
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  expecting it to be hard, expecting there to be conflict,
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  expecting for there to be problems.
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  And you know, me and my wife disagree all the time.
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  That's not what I'm saying. We have disagreements all the
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  time, but they're not knockout drag out fights because we truly
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  love each other. It becomes a discussion and then
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  we move on and then we're happy again.
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  So I'm not saying that conflict doesn't exist in marriage.
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  In fact, I know and I say in my book Warrior Husband that it's a
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  totally normal part of marriage and I have a whole chapter about
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  how to handle conflict properly in a marriage.
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  So like I said, it's completely normal.
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  That's not what I'm saying. But what I'm saying is a lot of
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  people go into marriage expecting it to be hard and
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  therefore it is. And here's the truth.
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  Most of those people who tell you that marriage is going to
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  suck and marriage is going to be hard, if you really reflect and
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  think on it, if you playback who said that to you, Those people
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  are not happy in their marriages.
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  They're miserable in their marriages and they're projecting
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  that onto you. Most of them have been divorced
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  a couple of times because they have no idea what they're doing.
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  And they keep making the same mistakes over and over and over
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  again, refusing to learn like you're learning from this series
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  how to actually be in a marriage.
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  Those people have no idea what they're talking about.
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  If you go into your marriage expecting it to be miserable,
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  guess what? You will find You will be
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  miserable. When Michael Jordan dreamed of
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  being the best basketball player in the world, what if somebody
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  told him all basketball players are miserable?
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  It's gonna suck and you'll probably never make a shot in
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  your life. You should just give up right
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  now. Would he go into basketball a
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  little bit cautious, expecting it to be difficult?
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  Do you understand what I'm saying?
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  Because men, when somebody tells us we can't do something, we are
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  driven to do it. But for some reason with
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  marriage, everyone tells us it's gonna suck and we just accept
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  that. Men just accept that and then
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  let it suck instead of rising to the challenge, overcoming the
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  challenge, saying you're wrong. Mine is different.
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  So I gotta ask you, have you been living out your marriage
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  with this belief in the back of your mind that marriage is hard,
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  marriage is miserable, you're really going to have to work at
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  it. You're going to have to go to
• 10:02
  couples therapy all the time because it just sucks so bad.
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  Have you believed that? Have you expected for it to be
• 10:08
  hard instead of just truly making it great?
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  And the whole 2nd chapter in my book Warrior Husband is about
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  dismantling these false beliefs and gives many more examples of
• 10:18
  these life ruining fictitious mental constructs when it comes
• 10:21
  to marriage. I spend a lot of time in that
• 10:24
  book of the specific life ruining fictitious mental
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  constructs that show up in marriage.
• 10:28
  So if you feel like you're marriage has been operating
• 10:31
  under a set of invisible rules that aren't working, this book
• 10:35
  will help you name them and destroy them and replace them
• 10:38
  with the truth. I also put everything that I
• 10:41
  know about marriage, relationships and communication
• 10:43
  with women into that one book. So if that is something you want
• 10:47
  to dive into, grab it in the description of this episode.
• 10:50
  That's Warrior Husband, How to Be a Better Husband and Save
• 10:53
  Your Marriage by Michael Riggs. You know what another huge
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  problem is when it comes to false beliefs around marriage?
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  Is the content work consuming, You know, the squirrel squirrel
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  scroll? You might see it on your feet
• 11:03
  all the time. I saw one guy who's a divorce
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  lawyer and his whole brand online is warning men about
• 11:09
  marriage and how women screwed men over and how marriage is
• 11:12
  terrible and you should never get married and gives the worst
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  case scenarios, the worst examples.
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  And of course the guy doesn't believe in marriage.
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  He's a divorce lawyer. Think about it.
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  He sees the worst examples, the worst cases.
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  And when it really comes down to it, those people should have
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  never been married in the 1st place.
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  That's not everybody, those people didn't truly love each
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  other and they are out to hurt each other and get each other.
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  That's not the example. That's like the non example of
• 11:36
  how a marriage should be. There's another lady online, I
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  don't even know her name. She's like a red haired girl
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  with a dork face. She talks bad about women and
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  that all women are evil. That's what her whole constant,
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  her whole brand is about is that women will screw you over.
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  They're evil, watch out for women and never get married and
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  all that stuff. Well, she's just a hateful,
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  miserable person who has built a brand around negativity.
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  That doesn't mean that she knows what she's talking about.
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  So don't let people, stupid people in content, fill your
• 12:02
  mind with negativity that's ultimately feeding you false
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  beliefs, brainwashing you into believing all these false things
• 12:08
  that are ultimately destroying your life and destroying your
• 12:11
  marriage. Another life ruining fictitious
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  mental construct when it comes to marriage or going into a
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  marriage is that women are evil, that they're gonna screw you
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  over. They'll take everything from
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  you. If you go into your marriage
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  believing that, if you have that fear in you, if that's a belief
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  that you truly hold in your mind, in your body and in your
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  spirit, you are never going to to be happy in your marriage.
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  You're never gonna treat your wife as she should be treated
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  because you're always waiting for her to stab you in the back.
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  How is that constructive? And here's a hard truth.
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  Women often don't screw over guys who are doing marriage
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  right, who are good men. It's just the truth.
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  If you're one of those guys who's been screwed over in the
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  past, you're gonna say something along the lines of I did
• 12:50
  everything right and she still screwed me over.
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  Well, really think about that. Did you?
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  Did you do everything right? I get comments and messages from
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  guys all the time talking about how their ex wives, they're
• 13:00
  horrible people and they screwed them over.
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  They stabbed them in the back, took everything from them, how
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  they were an evil person. And my message back to them
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  every single time is and I'm sure you were a perfect Angel,
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  right? Then they get defensive and do
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  the same thing. I was a Goodman.
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  I did everything right. I don't understand.
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  No, no, no, no, no, no. You're lying to yourself bro.
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  That's why I teach men to look within.
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  It takes a wise man to look within instead of pointing the
• 13:22
  finger at the other person. Be honest with yourself.
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  How good of a husband were you in that relationship?
• 13:28
  But I'm getting a little heated here on that.
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  I'm going off topic, let's get back to what we were talking
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  about. The man who refuses to look
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  inwards will repeat the same mistakes, the same patterns
• 13:38
  forever. And the man who chooses to
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  accept the truth, look inward and say I need to optimize
• 13:43
  everything about myself and my own life has the power to change
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  everything. Remember what I said at the
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  beginning of the episode? When my ex left, she moved out.
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  It's a complete shocker to me. And I had the two choices of
• 13:55
  either crash and burn and self destruct, like everybody
• 13:58
  expected me to become a failure, succumb to the situation or rise
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  to the challenge, become my best self that I ever possibly could.
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  I chose to rise. I chose to learn what it means
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  to be a man. One time I worked up the courage
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  and I sent her a message and I said, I'm so sorry for who I was
• 14:15
  in that relationship. You didn't deserve to be treated
• 14:17
  like that. You didn't deserve to be talked
• 14:19
  like that. And I'm not like trying to suck
• 14:21
  up to you or anything. I genuinely wanted to say sorry.
• 14:24
  And that's one of the greatest things that I've ever
• 14:27
  experienced in my life is accepting like, wow, I was a
• 14:30
  piece of crap. And now that I'm seeking being
• 14:32
  better in my life, I made it a point to apologize to her.
• 14:35
  Whereas most men keep the battle going with their ex.
• 14:38
  They keep pointing the finger at her and saying she was the
• 14:41
  problem. I did everything right.
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  They refused to accept to look inward and say I could have been
• 14:46
  better and that's OK. So now I'm going to move forward
• 14:49
  and be better in my life. True transformation came when I
• 14:53
  stopped blaming her, stopped blaming other people, stopped
• 14:56
  blaming my past and began blaming myself.
• 14:59
  That's a really hardcore way to put it and it's difficult to go
• 15:02
  through that process, but I had to look in and correct myself.
• 15:06
  And when it comes to limiting beliefs, false beliefs, these
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  life ruining fictitious mental constructs that we hold in our
• 15:12
  minds, the way that we see the world, the way that we
• 15:14
  experience the world, the way that we perceive everything.
• 15:17
  It takes a lot of work to think your way out of all these false
• 15:20
  beliefs. So you need a proven framework
• 15:23
  to work through them step by step.
• 15:25
  And that's built into the Reforged Husband complete
• 15:27
  system, the mindset work, the identity work, the practical
• 15:31
  steps, it's all in there, organized so you can actually
• 15:35
  implement it instead of feeling motivated for a day and then
• 15:38
  falling back into the same patterns, making the same
• 15:41
  mistakes. The men who go through this
• 15:43
  program don't just feel better, they become different.
• 15:46
  There is transformation. Reforged Husband is an online
• 15:49
  program that I created that takes you through video lessons,
• 15:52
  reading sections, challenges and exercises that you can begin
• 15:56
  implementing right away. Dude, it is the fast track to be
• 16:00
  becoming an epic, leveled up husband.
• 16:02
  You can listen to a couple of podcast episodes.
• 16:04
  It's all in there. But there's something about
• 16:06
  investing in an online program and actually going through it
• 16:10
  that's an investment, a commitment, and that prevents
• 16:12
  you from just being motivated for a day and then just falling
• 16:15
  into the same patterns. Like I said, it's real
• 16:18
  implementation. There's a difference between
• 16:20
  learning something and actually implementing it in your real
• 16:23
  life. So if you want to dive into the
• 16:25
  Reforged Husband complete system, the link for that is in
• 16:28
  the description of this podcast. But how do you get rid of false
• 16:31
  beliefs when there's so many of them?
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  It's about identifying what they are and then shifting the
• 16:36
  belief. You can do this on paper.
• 16:38
  You can do it in a journal. When a belief pops up into your
• 16:41
  mind, you can write it down and then write down why that's not
• 16:44
  true. Every time one of those false
• 16:46
  beliefs pops up into your head, I realize what it is and then
• 16:49
  shift the belief. Be really intentional about
• 16:51
  this. You know the false beliefs like
• 16:53
  I'm ugly, women aren't attracted to me.
• 16:55
  Remind yourself, really think through it and be like, no, I'm
• 16:58
  handsome, beautiful women talk to me all, all the time.
• 17:00
  My wife loves me. That should have been the first
• 17:02
  one, but you know what I'm saying?
• 17:04
  Just shift the belief into a more positive belief.
• 17:06
  Every time one of those false beliefs pops up into your head.
• 17:09
  Marriage sucks. It's going to be difficult.
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  No marriage can be the best thing that's ever happened to
• 17:13
  me. Marriage is good.
• 17:14
  I love my marriage, I love my wife.
• 17:16
  Marriage sucks for other people because they don't understand
• 17:20
  marriage, you know, just shift the belief.
• 17:21
  That's how you get rid of these life ruining fictitious mental
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  constructs as being really intentional about identifying
• 17:28
  them, reprogramming your mind and shifting your belief
• 17:30
  systems. And this doesn't mean that all
• 17:32
  beliefs are false or all beliefs are wrong.
• 17:35
  It's identifying which ones have been holding you back in your
• 17:38
  life, holding you back in your marriage, destroying your life.
• 17:41
  That's why I call them life ruining.
• 17:42
  What you believe about your life becomes your reality.
• 17:45
  What you believe about yourself as a husband and what you
• 17:48
  believe about your marriage will become your reality.
• 17:51
  So believe good things for your marriage.
• 17:53
  Believe good things for yourself as a husband.
• 17:56
  Begin believing for a great marriage, a happy, thriving
• 17:59
  marriage instead of a marriage that's going to be miserable.
• 18:02
  And stop reinforcing the negative beliefs.
• 18:05
  Shift the belief and start reinforcing the positive and
• 18:08
  fixing your mindset. Fixing your beliefs is just one
• 18:11
  part of the equation, so make sure you subscribe and stick
• 18:14
  around for this whole series. And in the next episode, we're
• 18:17
  going to dive into one of the most foundational skills in
• 18:20
  marriage and one of the most overlooked by men.
• 18:23
  We're going to dive into listening, communication, and
• 18:26
  how to stop losing the argument that should have never started
• 18:30
  in the 1st place. The mindset work is the hardest
• 18:32
  part because these beliefs are invisible.
• 18:35
  They run in the background and most men can't identify their
• 18:38
  blind spots without someone on the outside seeing them.
• 18:41
  That's what I do in my coaching. I help you see what you can't
• 18:45
  see and then we build the plan from there.
• 18:47
  If you're serious about this and you really want to dive deep and
• 18:50
  do the work, reach out to me in the link for one-on-one Coaching
• 18:53
  in the description of this podcast episode and we'll
• 18:56
  connect and see if my coaching is right for you.
• 18:58
  And I can't stress enough the importance, the value of an
• 19:02
  investment. It is to have a mentor.
• 19:04
  It's my passion to help men become their best selves, become
• 19:07
  the best men that they can be in their marriages, to transform
• 19:10
  their marriages, level up their marriages forever.
• 19:12
  That's what I do. That's what I love to do.
• 19:14
  That's why I'm here talking to you today.
• 19:16
  So if you're really ready to go for it, if you're really ready
• 19:19
  to make that commitment, definitely get in touch with me.
• 19:21
  And that's what I got for you guys today.
• 19:23
  I hope you got something out of this episode.
• 19:25
  I hope this inspired you to start identifying your limiting
• 19:28
  beliefs and crushing them, those life ruining fictitious mental
• 19:31
  constructs that have been holding you back in every area
• 19:34
  of your life. I hope it inspired you to start
• 19:36
  believing for a good marriage and stop believing the lie that
• 19:39
  marriage has to be miserable and difficult.
• 19:41
  Super excited for the rest of this series so I'll definitely
• 19:44
  see you on the next one. I love you, I'm proud of you.
• 19:47
  There is a great purpose in a calling for you in this life.
• 19:50
  You listening to this right now. A life of overflowing abundance
• 19:53
  awaits you on the other side of you deciding to make the switch,
• 19:56
  make the change and level up every aspect of your life.
• 19:59
  Get out there. Have a good week and I'll see
• 20:01
  you on the next one. Thanks guys.
• 20:03
  Bye.