Latest / The Jasmine Star Show / Finding Contentment in Hard Seasons | Interview on the Powerhouse Women Podcast

Transcript

Finding Contentment in Hard Seasons | Interview on the Powerhouse Women Podcast · The Jasmine Star Show

• 0:13
  Hey there, my name is Rosie and I'm the Customer success manager and human resources specialist at Social Curator.
• 0:17
  Today's episode is a special one.
• 0:21
  Just a few weeks ago, Lindsay Schwartz interviewed Jasmine on her Powerhouse Women podcast, and their conversation was one of the most honest, encouraging conversations I've heard in a long time.
• 0:33
  They discussed everything from what it looks like to find contentment as a business owner to the realities of what friendship looks like in this season of their businesses.
• 0:41
  And I know you're going to find what they shared to be both encouraging and empowering in your own journey. Let's listen in.
• 0:49
  I have my girl, Jasmine Starr on the podcast today.
• 0:54
  How are you doing today?
• 0:55
  I'm doing fantastic.
• 0:56
  I think that this has been a long time coming and I woke up today and I'm like, I get to hang out with Lindsay. Like we're going to have a great conversation.
• 1:03
  We're gonna bring in tens of thousands of people and I want them joining the conversation with us because you're not overhearing a conversation at a separate table. You're actually at the table. So talk back, however you're listening today.
• 1:15
  Yeah. I wanna see video of you in, well, not in your car if you're driving, let's be safe , but video of you walking your dog laughing hysterically at how cook dinner, how funny we're gonna be.
• 1:24
  Yes. Folding clothes.
• 1:25
  Head nodding, whatever that is. I bet you're the same way.
• 1:29
  I love when people not just screenshot and share the podcast like what their takeaways are, but what they're doing in that moment.
• 1:34
  It's almost like the be real of podcasting. Oh, I.
• 1:37
  Live for that trash. I mean, it's like we get our own reality television, we get to watch how people are consuming our content and it's always so enlightening and so fascinating because I'm like, oh, this is truly a conversation.
• 1:47
  And I like, listen, I have learned how to make food on the back of watching people Instagram stories like, and they're just like, I'm just making dinner. Listen to jazz, our podcast. I was like, what are you making? Give me the recipes. So, uh, yeah, we, we pay it for it. This is amazing.
• 2:02
  All the bonus cardio we get going on walks with people. It's the best.
• 2:06
  When I watch somebody work out, it's like I'm burning calories. Right.
• 2:09
  That counts. It kind of works like that. It does. Okay.
• 2:11
  . Mm-hmm. . Yep.
• 2:11
  Yep. We'll fact check that later, but I'm pretty sure it counts. And you know, I was just sharing with you before we hit record, I was having this moment of gratitude yesterday, just thinking back to the Powerhouse Women event, 2022, you were our keynote.
• 2:27
  It was really kinda your first introduction to the And here, you know, it was just a whole vibe, right? There was dancing, there was all the things, and I was like, she's gonna fit right in.
• 2:36
  And you just poured, I mean, I knew you would come and bring the value, you always do.
• 2:42
  But there are so many moments that I still think back to that impacted me so deeply.
• 2:47
  Just little things you said or the way you showed up so graciously in the room.
• 2:51
  And I just feel so lucky that this is what we get to do for a living and that we get to connect in this way.
• 2:57
  So I'm excited today to get to share a little bit more of the story behind the brand, behind the Jasmine Star that we know and we love and, and share a little bit more about the come up if you will.
• 3:08
  I love that. But I also wanna challenge you. And so for people who don't know, like Lindsay and I are actually since that event, we've become not just peers, but I'm an adventure today. Maybe Lindsay wanna call me a friend.
• 3:18
  I call her a friend. Um, no. Uh, yeah, definitely. We we're friends.
• 3:21
  We're friends, we're we're friends.
• 3:21
  You heard it here, it's recorded.
• 3:24
  We're friends. Yes. Ok.
• 3:25
  . And you know, a couple weeks ago, the fortuitous opportunity that there was a co-working space in Newport Beach, California and like what are the odds that Lindsay and Lori Harder happened to be working at the same co-working space and it's dual level.
• 3:39
  And so I come downstairs and all of a sudden, like quite literally not an exaggeration, the golden sun is shining directly on Lindsay and Lori, like they're two angelic Cher bums. And I'm like, how is it my luck that I get to meet with these amazing women at this particular time? And what happened at the event?
• 3:54
  I kind of just wanna push back and challenge because that's what friends do.
• 3:57
  So you're like, I'm so lucky that we get to do this. And I'm like, actually Lindsay, what you've done has nothing to do with luck and has everything to do with hard work strategy and like your care and devotion. Like I, I'm blessed to have the opportunity to speak at events and conferences and I will tell you like no air puffing cuz I just don't do that.
• 4:17
  I don't feel the need to say nice things unless they're true.
• 4:20
  And I walked into the room and I felt that something was different. The culture, the women, the way that everybody was showing up, it was like nothing I had ever experienced before. And I thought to myself, oh, this is the culture. But culture isn't happenstance. Culture is created.
• 4:36
  And so for you to say it's luck, I'm gonna push back and be like, no baby, that's hard work. So clap yourself. Like you need to pat yourself on your back.
• 4:43
  Uh, but it was really great.
• 4:43
  So thank you for thanking me.
• 4:45
  Thank you for inviting me and thank you for being a friend. Let's, let's unpack, let's unpack conversations around like the good, the bad and the fu.
• 4:52
  The ugly, the ugly, the ugly tears. Oh my.
• 4:55
  Goodness. Oh, there have been plenty.
• 4:57
  I feel like that, you know, that is such a great place to start because I, and I don't actually know if you would remember this so much, but I was an early, early member of Social Curator.
• 5:09
  I met you so briefly at the back of the room at Lori's Bliss project.
• 5:13
  One year I was volunteering as her friend. I was there and, and supporting the event. Oh, I remember just getting a chance to like say to you like, oh my gosh, I just, you're the girl I just joined your, oh my gosh, your program. That's.
• 5:23
  You. Oh my God, how's funny, how am I, how literally you just dropped that mom on me right now on your podcast.
• 5:28
  I didn't meet over the top like totally blown away. Are you serious right now?
• 5:32
  I remember this, I remember this.
• 5:35
  Which is so funny. A.
• 5:36
  Small world Dang girl, we've come up, we have come up.
• 5:40
  It's so true.
• 5:40
  But I think back to that and I think back to how far you have come since then, how far I have come since then.
• 5:47
  I mean I was like at this point of just starting a social media presence for powerhouse women, that's why I joined Social Curator. I was like, let me just learn from the best and make sure I've got this dialed.
• 5:57
  I want you to take us back to what in the world, in your story, in your journey had you say, I'm gonna make social media my thing, the thing that I become known for, the thing that I become an expert in that I get asked to speak on.
• 6:13
  Was it that significant at the moment where you like, I'm gonna become known for this?
• 6:17
  Or was it something just like this cute idea that you just thought you would see where it would go.
• 6:24
  Okay, so we're just gonna get real, real. Um, and I think that I, I'm gonna choose to speak a hundred percent of my truth because if people have like an opinion or they're against it, I will absolutely respect it.
• 6:36
  But I'm just gonna talk about the way that I have seen the world and the way that I've experienced it. I am not saying that this is for everybody, nor am I advocating this approach.
• 6:44
  It's just the approach that I have taken and that has worked for me.
• 6:48
  And so I'm really, I'm simultaneously flattered and honored that you're like, when did you decide to make this your thing? And I think to myself, when I look back at a career of 15 years as a business owner, I would never say that social media was my thing.
• 7:03
  What I will say is that I will pick a thing that gets attention to provide a solution in the solution that I've always been providing.
• 7:13
  At the end of the day, what people are really investing in when they invest is something that I have created is time, belief, and motivation. But I can't wake up and say, ladies and gentlemen, what, what I'm selling to you today. I'm selling you time, I'm selling you a motivation. Like people are like, oh yeah, great.
• 7:32
  So what you have to do is you have to capture somebody's attention.
• 7:34
  And so when I first started I was 26 years old and it was that that time that I actually realized that I had the capacity to start a business. And I know that some people listening are just like, well what does that mean? And I'm like, no, no. Quite honestly, I never knew that I had the capacity to start a business.
• 7:51
  It was never something that I had seen.
• 7:53
  It was never something that I had known at all.
• 7:55
  My biggest aspiration was to get a corporate job because immigrant, a first generation Latina.
• 7:59
  And so for me I'm like, oh wow, I get to, you know, wear a pencil skirt and heels and walk into a cornered office.
• 8:06
  Like then I've just done made it like that was as big as I ever, ever, ever thought. And so all of a sudden, you know, I'm 26 and I have this opportunity to start a business and I said I wanna become a photographer and I don't own a camera.
• 8:19
  And so there's somebody who's listening right now and you want to do something but you feel like you don't have either the tools, the education, the money, the wherewithal, whatever.
• 8:28
  And I am here to tell you as a living testament that the knife never made the chef and the camera never made the photographer and writer. It is you.
• 8:39
  And when I talk about selling confidence and when I talk about selling time, what I am actually selling is the belief in oneself to succeed.
• 8:46
  And so what I've seen over multiple iterations of my business, so I started off as a photographer in 2006 and I started creating content to help other photographers and then around 2000 thousand 10, I became a bonafide content creator helping other small business owners build businesses.
• 9:00
  And then by 2012 I was hired as a consultant to help a and market their business and build a brand.
• 9:07
  And then I started creating courses around 2015 because I wanted to scale my efforts outside of just taking one-on-one clients.
• 9:14
  And then I realized that on the back of courses I wanted to create stuff that was like more tangible as part of a bigger community.
• 9:19
  So I created a membership in 2000, uh 17 2018.
• 9:24
  And then in 2020 decided that the membership was great is add a tech component.
• 9:29
  So I became a C E O of a SAS company and as people hear this like 15 year span of a girl who's starting a career with a camera from Best Buy to a bonafide c e o of a SaaS company, people are like, wow, she must have, she must do or she must be somebody special.
• 9:47
  And I talk about like it's actually quite the opposite.
• 9:49
  It is the actual flip of all of that.
• 9:51
  It's everything that I have learned has been on the back of Google.
• 9:55
  And if I'm saying somebody who is uneducated, unfunded, um, unconnected can do these things, this is what I stand in front of people and I preach and I teach and I talk about.
• 10:06
  So that's kind of like the big backstory of how things started and brought us to where we are today. I think I just talked a lot. I'm sorry.
• 10:14
  No, I, this is a podcast. I think that's what we're supposed to do.
• 10:17
  I think , you guys liked it, right? You're all nodding along.
• 10:20
  This is the point where you share a screenshot of you nodding cuz you're like, this is good already. We're only a few minutes in.
• 10:26
  Yeah and I love that you share that and I, that's one of my favorite things about this podcast platform getting to share and take listeners back to the moments where we were right in their shoes, we were Googling, how do I start a website , how do I fill in the blank?
• 10:43
  And in those moments what I, what I love to take people back to is what were some of the limiting beliefs, some of the thoughts that you really had to go to battle with.
• 10:57
  Sometimes it is like a battle with yourself.
• 10:59
  What were the things that could have easily taken you out of this big idea that has turned into this empire?
• 11:07
  What were some of the things early on that if you weren't mindful of pushing through the resistance could have easily just taken you out of the version of yourself that you've become?
• 11:18
  I love this question and I'm probably gonna go on a tiny bit of a tangent, but I'm, my goal is to meet us right back here where we are because I think it's one thing to hear about somebody's experience and then when you hear somebody's experience, the onus becomes on the listener to synthesize and contextualize what it means for the listener.
• 11:36
  And this past week I've been working on this piece of content that really went back to the very question and the very question was like what were some of the hurdles or what were some of the pitfalls? And for me it was comparison.
• 11:48
  I didn't think that I can move fast enough. I didn't I didn't think I had enough money, I didn't think I had enough education.
• 11:54
  I was looking at what other people were doing and wondering why I didn't have the same capacity.
• 11:59
  And so the biggest hurdle for me early on was this idea of imposter syndrome.
• 12:03
  Like who am I to do this?
• 12:05
  Which was actually like a very fancy way of just saying comparison.
• 12:08
  There are other people who know more, do more and have more and are more qualified, therefore I should not be.
• 12:16
  And so now 15 years later I look back and I look at all the tools that I had learned over that time and I want to give a listener this no punches pulled, this is the framework that I have used and if you use this framework and you find it helpful, then I know that everything I went through was for a greater purpose.
• 12:34
  And I realized that the way that I was able to combat or face comparison was by understanding that if I was fulfilled I would have less likelihood of comparing myself.
• 12:45
  It is as if I just went and had this amazing dinner and I leave the restaurant and I could look at other restaurants and be like, that's really good food and they do delicious service there and I love their desserts but I don't need that because I am fulfilled.
• 12:57
  And so I realized that if I worked towards fulfillment, then I would have less comparison.
• 13:02
  And then I had to do a deeper dive as what comprised my version of fulfillment.
• 13:05
  And I realized that it was in three equal proportions. Number one was success, number two was freedom and number three was purpose.
• 13:12
  And so if I was to come in and say part of the reason why I am not fulfilled is because I don't feel like I'm successful enough.
• 13:19
  But what I realized that if I did not take the time to define my version of success, I would just take whatever's being thrown at me as the version of success as in like, oh I wanna be on the melty coast.
• 13:30
  Well what if I don't even like Italian food? Is that then success?
• 13:33
  Am I holding myself?
• 13:34
  What if I want a Bentley and I live in like day in Ohio and it's like a snowy all the time. What's the point of a Bentley if it's not drivable?
• 13:40
  And then all of a sudden I realized that the minute that I was able to define what success meant for me and the minute that I hit that benchmark, I was able to say I am a success.
• 13:54
  Not because I have a certain amount of money in my bank account or I drive a certain car or I live in a zip code. It was, I had completed what I set out to do.
• 14:02
  I will create a new version but for now I've accomplished what I set out to do that then makes me a success. And when I took the time to define success, I was no longer using somebody else's measurement against my own.
• 14:15
  And then I looked into the second piece, which was freedom.
• 14:18
  There was a time when I started my business that I was like, oh freedom.
• 14:21
  I can do whatever I want when I want with whomever I want at any even point in time. Freedom. Freedom. This is amazing.
• 14:26
  So I started this career and then what I realized was that I left a 40 hour a week job to work 80 hours a week for less money.
• 14:34
  And all of a sudden I was like I was a servant to others.
• 14:37
  I didn't have one boss.
• 14:37
  I had 18,000 bosses for all these different projects And I thought to myself, this isn't freedom.
• 14:42
  What I realized years later is that freedom is setting parameters that empower me to do what I want.
• 14:47
  My definition of freedom.
• 14:52
  So again, we've defined success and now I would then have to define what freedom is for me.
• 14:57
  I think personally that freedom is being able to work at four 30 in the morning.
• 15:01
  Some people hear that and they're like, that is hell girl, fine.
• 15:04
  But like I have taken the time to say that my version of freedom is working at four 30 in the morning because I don't want to work past 6:00 PM at night.
• 15:13
  And so once I've defined what my version of freedom is, I can then look at anything else that like I have to ask, does this get me closer to my version of freedom? If it does not, then I outsource it or I wait until I can build it into when I can vet it in mm-hmm or I simply ask, this is not the time and then I let it go because what is the point of getting money if you feel shackled?
• 15:36
  What is the point?
• 15:38
  If you get money and you feel like a slave?
• 15:40
  And I'm gonna tie this up with the last thing and I know I've been talking a lot, but I really wanna like share the framework.
• 15:44
  And the last piece would be purpose.
• 15:46
  I had to define not just like what I did because that's ego, ego-driven.
• 15:51
  You're a business coach, like empowering women. Mm-hmm , there are artists who like creating artwork and cake bakers who like baking cakes. Okay, that's what we love.
• 15:56
  That's ego cuz it serves our desire.
• 15:59
  But oftentimes it's associated with doing something for somebody else, a legacy.
• 16:04
  And oftentimes statistically speaking it would be partners, children, family, close friends, and then kind of like closer circles around that.
• 16:12
  So then I had to ask myself is what I am doing serving a greater purpose for them?
• 16:18
  And anything that was putting me farther away from the purpose and legacy I wanted to create for them, it had to be removed, understanding it was serving something bigger.
• 16:29
  And it was when I got those three pillars intact, it was when I had defined success and then was able to say, congratulations, you're a success.
• 16:36
  It was once I had actually defined freedom and then cut away things that were actually keeping me from that.
• 16:41
  And it's when I actually defined who my purpose was for that I was able to measure those things that led to contentment.
• 16:47
  And contentment kept me hell of a far away from comparison.
• 16:51
  And that's where things really got going for my business.
• 16:54
  Yeah. Uh, that is actually the perfect answer.
• 16:56
  It's so beautifully said because it takes a healthy level of self-awareness I think to realize those things and start to do the deeper inner work to move through them. Mm.
• 17:06
  Because I don't know about you, but whatever my achilles heal is that thing that in the beginning I really had to overcome. It comes back. I don't, I always imagine it like if you've seen the movie Bridesmaids like where she's like in first class with the sunglasses and she's like, it's not me.
• 17:22
  That's kind of what it is. It's like, even though I think I thought over that fear, it like puts on a different outfit, comes back, it's like wearing a top hat now.
• 17:28
  Yes. And it's like trying to masquerade as something different and it's not, it's just the same thing that if I'm not careful it can show up again.
• 17:36
  So does that show up in your world at all?
• 17:39
  Does comparison try to like stick its foot in the door that you're trying to slam clothes in this season of your business maybe in a different way?
• 17:47
  Is it still something that you have to be mindful of and go back to those pillars?
• 17:51
  No, and I say that 15 years in and it's actually what you resist persists. Yeah. And like James Wedmore says that, and you know, you and I both love us and James Wedmore.
• 18:04
  And so it wasn't until I had identified, I put a framework around it and put all of my conscious attention toward it.
• 18:10
  So it was going back to that idea of like my life restaurant, it's really full and it's not full compared to other people, but it's my version of full.
• 18:22
  What is the point of having more commas and zeros in my bank account if it was leaving me less fulfilled?
• 18:30
  And so at this point in life, I look at other people, specifically women and I'm like, you have more. You're doing more, you are more of a person. And I am like clapping them up because I'm just like, when I decide, not if, when I decide I want that level, you have paved the way for me. So go on, I almost cheer you on so that when I'm following in the paths that you charted and the wins that you broke through and the ceilings you broke, you will be able to celebrate me the same way I'm celebrating you. That doesn't, I mean I got a whole nother like Santa's bag full of other stuff I gotta deal with, but comparison is just it. It's kind of lost its luster once I said, you don't, you don't own me.
• 19:09
  Like I am the captain of my ship and the captain of this destiny and I'm gonna move forward because I'm fully aware of what's happening and when if that ever tinkers, I'm like, oh no, no, no.
• 19:16
  This is your version of success.
• 19:19
  Go on and do you, this is your freedom and this is your purpose.
• 19:22
  The fullness analogy is, so that is the best description I've ever heard of.
• 19:28
  How to focus on the things that really do matter so that you don't fall prey to the comparison that can be really, it can really be a big tripping point for a lot of people.
• 19:42
  For myself it has been in the past and I love a good meal. So I'm like, that just that clicked for me. I'm gonna remember that now , you know this really kind of ties into one of the things there's always at, at every event, powerhouse Women event, there always ends up being kind of these themes or I always kind of go back to like the things that get re-quoted the most.
• 20:00
  And to this day I am still hearing people share one line that you dropped on us, like who gave her permission and then just like that, it just kept coming after this.
• 20:11
  But you said this in such a beautiful way about overwhelm.
• 20:15
  Overwhelm is the abundance of what in one season we once prayed for.
• 20:21
  And I would love to hear you unpack that.
• 20:23
  I would love to hear you unpack that as we talk about like defining success on your own terms because I so resonated with that and I know it hit so many other people as well.
• 20:32
  It can be easy to build these businesses that then we feel either trapped by or we feel overwhelmed by because now we have the clients, the money, the opportunities we once wish for and it requires us to evolve into a different level of leader where we're saying no a lot more.
• 20:51
  Mm-hmm . So I've heard that in, in a variety of different ways.
• 20:56
  But the premise then becomes the reason why it struck me when I heard it and the reason why it struck the audience is the abundance of something we once prayed for. And we had once prayed that we would have inquiries.
• 21:08
  We once hoped that we would have clients, we once wished that we would have children.
• 21:13
  We once aspired to be able to do this full-time.
• 21:16
  And then all of a sudden the things that were once what if and how could and possibilities became fruition.
• 21:23
  The very thing we wanted is a very thing we think and feel now holds us back.
• 21:27
  But if we were to simply nothing needs to change about the situation, but look at what is in front of us that the spilled legos and the discarded waffle and the unmade bed, you wanted that and you got it.
• 21:41
  And until you say thank you for giving me everything I wanted, gratitude covers disgruntledness.
• 21:51
  And so it just simply changes.
• 21:52
  Like you look at your inbox and it's so overwhelming. You're like, I remember the days that I had nothing.
• 21:57
  So I'm gonna approach this with gratitude.
• 21:59
  When I look at the fact that I can't get back to all of the inquiries fast enough, I wish there was a time.
• 22:04
  And so nothing changes about the situation except for the label that we associate it with.
• 22:09
  And so every time I am in front of something that feels particularly overwhelming, I always have this visual and it is a green sticker or it's a black sticker and I get to apply the sticker to it, the green sticker, this is happening for me. This is what I wanted. This was amazing.
• 22:28
  Whatever that dang thing is.
• 22:28
  Like if it's a root canal, I can apply this green sticker.
• 22:32
  I got health insurance.
• 22:36
  I've had good teeth up into this point. It is uh, not a distraction.
• 22:40
  This is happening.
• 22:41
  So that at some other point I can save another tooth or something or I can apply a black sticker. This is happening to me. The timing is terrible.
• 22:49
  How much is this going to cost?
• 22:49
  Same situation, different sticker.
• 22:52
  You can apply this sticker to everything in your life. And here's the thing, the more green stickers you have, the faster you work, the more thankful you are, the lighter you feel and the better energy that you are emitting.
• 23:04
  My goal is like one day, one day, Lindsay, I'll have all green stickers.
• 23:07
  Until that day I'll work on hard to reapply.
• 23:10
  Uh, early, early in my personal development journey, I learned this distinction of choice.
• 23:13
  And it's essentially the same thing, right? It's saying, okay, if I can stand from the viewpoint that I'm choosing, this doesn't mean I chose this unfortunate circumstance or this, you know, health condition or anything like that. But now that it's in my reality, can I choose to look forward and accept this as my reality and then say now what? Right?
• 23:36
  That.
• 23:37
  Has served me in so many seasons.
• 23:37
  And I feel like that's again, the sticker analogy just gives so much context to it that it is, and, and, and anyone you're looking at, you know, those of you listening who seems to have something together that you don't or seems to operate with just a different level of leadership, they're probably choosing to look at more of those situations through the lens of, this is happening for me now. How can I find that lesson?
• 24:00
  Or how can I find the next step forward?
• 24:03
  And it's such a reminder of that ever-present choice that's available.
• 24:08
  I, I think that's one of my favorite things in talking is just getting an insight into how they think, how they operate in really challenging situations. So, you know, in this current season of your business running this tech company now being a mama to Luna, which I would love to talk more about her too, let's just actually do a podcast all about Luna and the lessons she's teaching us.
• 24:29
  I mean, I mean it would probably, the podcast would probably be like 8,700 minutes. Like we just go on.
• 24:35
  And on. Yeah. We just go on and on and on.
• 24:37
  What are some of the challenges in your current season that you look, uh, and maybe like two years from now when we're recording another podcast, you're gonna look back and say, gosh, those were the ones that really built me in that season.
• 24:50
  Is there anything in particular that you're just really growing through right now?
• 24:55
  I mean with every iteration when I look back at like going from photographer to course creator, I mean, you know, consulting, content creator, course creator, all, all that, that whole iteration, it was everything that I was supposed to learn and it, I came on the back of feeling a lot of pain, a lot of discomfort.
• 25:13
  And what I I'm trying to do now in my current state is how can I apply a different emotion to very similar scenarios.
• 25:24
  So it's just like I know nothing about building a tech company.
• 25:29
  I know nothing about development.
• 25:29
  I know nothing about, um, building a tech department. Um, the roles, the titles, the expectations, the scrum, the product design, the roadmaps.
• 25:41
  It is quite honestly Lindsay, like I'm learning a new language and while I want to sit here and say this is overwhelming and this is new, when I look back I'm like, you've been here before because shutter speed and aperture and body and full frame, all of that was foreign language and CPLs and EPLs and funnels and landing pages that was a foreign language and memberships and onboarding and freezing and canceling and unsubscribes and um, figuring out what people wanted and product development. That was all unknown.
• 26:16
  We've been here before.
• 26:16
  And so I'm like, listen, what we resist persist.
• 26:22
  And it's at this point in full cognizant awareness, it's like, baby boo, you've been here but you've been here again.
• 26:28
  How are you gonna choose to show up differently?
• 26:30
  So my word of the year in 2023 is rebirth.
• 26:34
  And it came so strong to me and it's not a word at all that I've used normally in like my nomenclature vernacular. It, the word came to me and it's been so powerful early in 2023 to be able to ize. I think that's a word. And if it's not, we just make it up.
• 26:51
  We just made it. That.
• 26:52
  Works. We own it, we own it.
• 26:52
  Distinct. Like send us a DM ize.
• 26:55
  So that's like the code word that you know, that you made it to like minute whatever, 20 something. You're the real.
• 26:59
  One, you're the.
• 27:00
  Real, you're the real realo. Geez. So to distinct, that was the old me, the old Jasmine would hold attachment to the result.
• 27:10
  And the new jasmine is saying that everything I'm that thing I actually want. It's just not coming the way that I'd expected.
• 27:17
  And I am telling you, I feel lighter. I mean, I have put on some holiday pounds.
• 27:22
  I'm not just, I'm just gonna own it. I'm just gonna say what it is.
• 27:25
  But like new year, new me, I'm, I'm gonna be shedding this.
• 27:27
  I'm gonna get back like JD and I, our birthdays are in March and April and so we're working on our Cabo pods.
• 27:32
  We wanna go to Cabo for our birthdays.
• 27:32
  So it's like we're gonna get there, we're gonna get there.
• 27:34
  So what I need to know and what I need to do is leave that as the past version and unattachment very similar to how you leave old patterns of eating, speaking, and having that level of connection to a belief or a story that kept you stuck.
• 27:50
  The new me, the rebirth of me no longer does that.
• 27:53
  And so I'll report back to you in a year or two and talk about how this like rebirth transpired. But I genuinely feel like such a sh uh, like a shift in how I'm approaching things and I'm hopeful.
• 28:03
  Yeah. Oh, I'm so glad that you brought up your word of the year cuz I saw your real, where you were sharing how you came to it, but it's such an interesting word.
• 28:10
  I love that. And especially when the word really chooses you. Yes.
• 28:14
  I can't wait to hear how this unfolds and all the lessons it brings. Um, so in this rebirth season right now, as you are continuing to build your, your vision as you are in the mama role, you're in the wife role, what are some of the things that you do to keep yourself really grounded in your family? Cuz I know how important your family is to you, you know, that that common question comes up.
• 28:41
  I don't think there's ever been a year we've done an event or anything where we're in interacting live with the audience that a question about balance doesn't come up. And I, and you know, I think everyone's view of balance is so different, but like in the season for you, what does your role as mom slash wife slash entrepreneur look like?
• 28:59
  Um, I think it's bittersweet for people to hear.
• 29:02
  It is not bittersweet for me to say.
• 29:04
  And I wanna be very cautious in the way that I approach this because it is just my opinion and it is just the decisions that I have made to serve what I have defined. Remember, go back into defining success, freedom, and purpose.
• 29:17
  How I've been able to strike a balance that makes me feel the most what fulfilled and as a result of really wanting to have a very strong relationship with my high school sweetheart, my business partner, my best friend, my lover, my soulmate, and how I want to really be present in my daughter's life.
• 29:38
  For all intents and purposes, we will likely have just one child.
• 29:41
  So every time she has a first, it's anchored by it is our last time experiencing the first time.
• 29:47
  And so I wanna be there as much as possible for all of that, with time being so limited and we come from big Latino families and our families are like our anchor.
• 30:00
  I have just realized that if we were to look at a pyramid that's upside down, that thing that is taking the most amount of time would be the piece of people who are closest to me. I need to give the most amount of time to jd.
• 30:12
  Secondly my daughter, thirdly our families.
• 30:17
  And it's very difficult because fourth comes my business and fifth is my friendships.
• 30:24
  And I think that that's very difficult for people to hear, specifically my friends because they feel like I am choosing something over them. And it is in fact the truth for now.
• 30:35
  There will be some friends who will be able to weather the limited amount of time that I have to spend in those types of relationships and that there's gonna be others who are just like, it's a season.
• 30:42
  We all go through seasons like I got you.
• 30:44
  We're gonna learn what it is that this new version of us is.
• 30:47
  And so the balance me, like how do you balance it all? I, I balance it all because, or I try my best in that whatever little time I have, it is really divided into to camps.
• 30:57
  And that is my husband and my daughter and that is my family.
• 31:00
  And then I've had the blessed opportunity to create friendships with people we do business with. And so this is like that kind of like beautiful blending.
• 31:08
  Like when we were at, uh, working that co-working space and we had run into each other, we're like, we need to get a group of women together, a small group of women.
• 31:14
  And for me that is a really cool blend of friendships and business.
• 31:19
  And so it's like more of that in 2023 is gonna be the goal.
• 31:22
  I know. And it, it's so true. And so this is a question that comes up as well, is friendships evolving, right?
• 31:29
  And as we are spending more time with people who really do fill us up.
• 31:33
  And I had this period where I had to really come to terms with that, that I was craving spending my time with friends who were also entrepreneurial more and more. Yes.
• 31:43
  Because it did really feed two parts of me. Yes. Have you experienced that?
• 31:48
  Have you had friendships evolve? And, and how have you really managed that?
• 31:52
  You know, as you've stepped into your purpose because it's so clear, like I know I'm following my purpose.
• 31:55
  So many people ask this question too, where they just can tell they're evolving, they're outgrowing some seasons that maybe other people were a bigger part of their life than they are now. And it can be tough, it can be really tricky.
• 32:08
  So how has that looked for your journey?
• 32:11
  You know, um, one of my favorite coats is from Nipsey Hussle and he had said, if your friends don't lift you up, you don't have a circle, you have a cage.
• 32:21
  Damn.
• 32:22
  Right . It's like, I read that and.
• 32:25
  It, wow.
• 32:26
  Lindsay, it became, it became so clear, and I hate saying that, but it isn't like, my darn truth is I started realizing that there were people in my life who I love and they love me and we've gone through so much and I was in a golden cage, but the door to that cage was open.
• 32:45
  I was keeping, I was the one who changed, not anybody else. So I needed to accept the ownership of me.
• 32:55
  I changed, I'm gonna walk out of this golden cage and I'm gonna find a circle.
• 33:00
  And that's not easy. It is so not easy.
• 33:04
  But I think that on the other side of making a decision that serves your highest self, you look back and realize how much more opportunity there, there is to grow. And so at this point in my life, have I really been craving relationships with other entrepreneurial women?
• 33:18
  I have.
• 33:19
  And perhaps it's because I have such limited time that if I can double dip, well then hot dang, here I go really amazing, beautiful women who are purposeful and we believe the same thing and we want the same thing. And we, uh, aspire and our cultures are very similar and we get to build businesses.
• 33:32
  It's like, you know, if I'm gonna pick that over, like, hey, let's have like a bachelor nation rerun watching the sipping wine. I love it.
• 33:39
  I think it's great.
• 33:40
  It's just one serves me in a different capacity than another.
• 33:43
  So I'm gonna choose the former all day, every day and twice on Sunday.
• 33:46
  Yeah. Okay. So I think we have this in common.
• 33:50
  I am far more of an introvert than people would probably expect seeing the stage me with the braid and the, the whole thing. Now.
• 33:57
  Hold on, hold on. For people who are listening or people who aren't listening, people are listening. Cause I mean, Lindsay, if you're gonna let me, I wanna repurpose this podcast on my podcast, but go on let, let it Marin it. Then we'll give it like a little run.
• 34:06
  Ok, great. Ok, great.
• 34:07
  We'll do it. But Lindsay, who are unfamiliar, Lindsay has like about shoulder lane hair.
• 34:10
  She has this really cool like blonde highlighted Bob and it, it's like, it's a look, it's like it is a strong female look.
• 34:18
  And she hosted this event and she came out on this event with a like viking style braid that went down her back past her little patooty, her God given to I said.
• 34:28
  It, it has to hit my booty.
• 34:28
  That's how it was. I mean.
• 34:30
  Like, so it was like, so, so when she's saying it's like, you know, people with mist her, oh, and then she had this power suit.
• 34:36
  It was a lime green sequenced.
• 34:39
  Not subtle.
• 34:39
  Massive shoulder like shoulder pads and like this cute, cute, cute short set. And she had heels. I mean the girl looked like a white Beyonce.
• 34:49
  And I was just like, whoa.
• 34:49
  And so when she says, and so I'm just trying to bring everybody up to speed who might not be familiar with weight. You look like. Right.
• 34:55
  And like so would you, you know, people are looking at that at the heels and the shorts and the sequins and the braid and like the lashes and they think, oh, she must be an introvert.
• 35:06
  But you are.
• 35:08
  Yeah. Yeah. I mean, but I also think I, this is where I really, really felt like I understood Beyonce when she talked about having an alter ego, kind of like a stage alter ego.
• 35:18
  And there is a part of me that comes alive when I get to be on stage and speak.
• 35:22
  And I don't know if it's the same for you, but then I actually have to recharge alone.
• 35:25
  I actually function best in very small groups of intimate friends.
• 35:28
  There's only really a handful of people who are really, really, really close to me. And I think I've heard you share about that too, about just being a little bit more on the introvert scale.
• 35:38
  How have you developed the friendships that have really lifted you up, have been the catalyst for this season that you're in? So many people will, will ask that as like, well how do you meet these high level women? Right?
• 35:49
  So as an introvert, fellow introvert, I know what has kind of worked for me, but, but how has that looked for your journey and for your new friendships?
• 35:57
  Well, I wanna hear how it works and how it has worked like for, for you. Um, very much so.
• 36:03
  I think people are wildly skeptical that I am an introvert and on an introvert scale I am high, high introvert. And so, um, I think what has been super helpful is being able to meet other women who are introverted because, um, there's less expectation so that we all understand each other implicitly.
• 36:22
  So that if somebody is like sitting outside by themselves, we must have said something, or Oh, they're in a mood.
• 36:28
  Or you could just sit quietly in a room and work next to a person.
• 36:33
  Or you could just look at somebody and be like, Hey, I need to go.
• 36:35
  I need to recharge.
• 36:36
  And it's like you could have plans and like build a small group of people like, oh, we're gonna go do X and we're all so excited.
• 36:41
  And then one person can simply say, you know what, it's been a day for me and there's so much like grace and latitude that it's not even a thing. Like, oh girl, go ahead. You do your thing.
• 36:47
  And that has been like really powerful.
• 36:48
  Just be around people who understand what it is like to be an introvert and like what's needed. But what about you?
• 36:54
  Yeah, I feel like the same.
• 36:56
  I had to distinguish where I was operating out of this fear of disappointing someone versus tapping into what I really needed or yes.
• 37:05
  If I needed space, if I needed to. Yes.
• 37:07
  And I'm just really upfront with even friendships now to say, Hey, the friendships at work for me best are the ones where we can go in extended period of time without touching base.
• 37:17
  Doesn't mean we're not thinking about each other, but there's, you just pick right back up where you left off. There's no drama, there's none.
• 37:22
  Like, yes. Oh I haven't really heard from you.
• 37:25
  And that was actually really bold to, or it felt uncomfortable and bold for me to say at first.
• 37:30
  But I realize I'm just setting unfair expectations in a friendship if I'm not having those conversations up front just to say, Hey, I know you would love to get together and in this season here's what that really looks like. And thank you for wanting to get together. I love you.
• 37:44
  I've been telling everyone, I was like, I am cocooning real hard right now.
• 37:48
  Yeah. So I'll see you in a couple months. I don't know how long, but I'm cocooning. So thanks for understanding what.
• 37:54
  You gave was really practical advice.
• 37:55
  Like you kind of gave a script and you gave people permission unknowingly Lindsay, like when you say what you tell other people, you are giving people permission to do the same.
• 38:04
  And I will say it less elegantly.
• 38:04
  Like I look at people, I'm like, I just need permission to be a terrible friend.
• 38:10
  Like if you're the kind of person that needs like a text respondent in 48 hours mm-hmm. , like, I'm not your person if you need to have like a regular standing date or like, I am not your person.
• 38:19
  Like if you are looking for like a lot of senti mentality and a lot of like thoughtful time and like a lot of like personal time together, solely focused, I'm not your person so I could be a terrible friend.
• 38:27
  Like let's be terrible friends together.
• 38:29
  And it's actually not terrible friendship, it's just your definition of what my definition is like like we're good to go. And I think that that's been very powerful for me.
• 38:36
  Mm. It's so good. Okay.
• 38:38
  I know so many people took a lot for themselves from that.
• 38:41
  And I wanna start to tie this with a bow.
• 38:44
  There's one final question I love to ask on these episodes.
• 38:48
  And before we do that, what is the biggest thing that we can do to support you right now in getting involved in what you're doing in the next evolution of social curator?
• 38:57
  Like here's actually, I had, uh, Amy, your girl, Amy Porterfield on the podcast yesterday.
• 38:59
  And here's how I asked her. I said, okay, if you were describing how I could support your best friend, what would you say?
• 39:07
  Not how I can support you.
• 39:10
  If you were describing you're a.
• 39:12
  Good podcaster queen, come on.
• 39:14
  Cause you know what, I know that when I'm talking about my bestie, it's a different level of hypes Yes.
• 39:16
  Than when I'm saying what I'm up to.
• 39:20
  So if you're describing Jasmine Starr, your bestie and how we can support her right now, what would you say.
• 39:25
  Would be to share content if it's in alignment and if you believe that people in your audience will get benefit from it.
• 39:33
  And so this has less to do with any business ventures.
• 39:36
  This is all of the free content that I put out on YouTube or on my podcast or on social. When people share it, it really is expending not just me, the person, but expending a message.
• 39:47
  And I believe that we can turn industries on their heads and we can show other women what it's like to be wildly successful.
• 39:54
  What it means to really change your future, your legacy, your families by making money and not becoming rich, but becoming wealthy and using wealth to do good and be good at the same time. And so for me, the ask of like, Hey, you really wanna support my best friend by sharing content as it resonates with you?
• 40:13
  Yeah. And that just, uh, it goes so much further than people realize. Yeah, I know. You're probably the same every time someone shares the podcast, I'm like, oh my gosh, a human being listens to this.
• 40:22
  Besides my mom. That is.
• 40:23
  Crazy. Yeah. I mean, yeah.
• 40:24
  Besides amazing.
• 40:26
  , I love that so much. Oh my goodness. Well this has just been so fun.
• 40:30
  I know we'll link all of your details in the show notes.
• 40:33
  People can find you cyber, cyber stock, you all the things.
• 40:36
  But the last question is such a fun opportunity and it's always a reminder for me too, to pause and acknowledge myself for somewhere that I have been great, that I might not have acknowledged myself for yet.
• 40:48
  We just simply call it a powerhouse moment. So when I ask you the question, what's a recent powerhouse moment that you've had? Big or small, it could be so seemingly insignificant, but you just wanna pause in this moment and acknowledge yourself for it.
• 41:03
  What's the first thing that comes to mind?
• 41:05
  It's definitely silly, but it is a powerhouse moment for me as somebody who really finds identity and joy from working and making progress.
• 41:14
  I was able to take a break from December 22nd to January 2nd and completely like no technology, no computer, no social media, no anything digital.
• 41:28
  And I have not done something as extensive like that in years.
• 41:31
  And so it felt really, really, really good for me to say like, take a step back.
• 41:36
  Nothing that you do is dependent on action at this moment.
• 41:40
  And it was freeing. It was beautiful.
• 41:42
  And I hit 2023 with this like massive stride and excitement and rejuvenation.
• 41:47
  And so I felt really happy for myself for doing that.
• 41:49
  Ugh. I witnessed it and it impacted me seeing you do it.
• 41:53
  And such a good reminder that when we do those things, it has a ripple effect bigger than we even know. Okay.
• 41:59
  Well this has been so much fun. Thank you for being here.
• 42:02
  Thank you for being a powerhouse woman. Thank you for leading the way, and thank you for giving us the permission to be powerhouse women too.
• 42:08
  Welcome back.
• 42:10
  I'm still thinking about what it looks like to find contentment by defining success, freedom, and purpose.
• 42:15
  And I hope you're able to take some time this week to define these things for yourself and give yourself the gift of embracing who you are and what's important to you in this season of life.
• 42:25
  Thanks again for listening to the Jasmine Star Show today.
• 42:27
  We'll see you again real soon.