Latest / Natty Unfiltered / Motherhood & Identity/ More Than Just “Mom” Episode 3

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Motherhood & Identity/ More Than Just “Mom” Episode 3 · Natty Unfiltered

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Foreign.
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I would like to talk about motherhood and identity
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more than just a mom. I want to
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talk about being more than just a
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mom. It's something that I know I've struggled and
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many moms that I've spoken to felt the same way as.
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When you become a mom, everything your
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whole world changes. You now are responsible for the life
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or lives of the little ones that you are
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learning how to raise and
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what to do when they get sick.
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And also juggling work if you are working or
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even if you stay at home, because staying at home with the kids, it's not
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an easy task as well. And you trying to juggle
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everything your kids, your relationship
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with. Sometimes the relationship also takes a toll between
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your partner and you.
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As we know kids, they,
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you know, you have sleepless nights and
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that takes a toll on you. It takes a toll on the relationship.
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And then in between, you kind of, you know, like, if you're going to work,
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it's just kind of that routine. You get up, you take care
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of your child or kids, you're going to work.
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And then after work you either have pickups or
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you're just going straight home and you get into like cooking.
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If you, you know, cook or if you have somebody else that does it for
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you, taking care of the kids. And then as they get older, helping them
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with their, like, homeworks, the activities and. And you just
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kind of in that cycle of everyday life and
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trying to keep up with everything and the process not
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to kind of lose yourself. So the.
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The balancing of being a mom,
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it's becomes sometimes like a, you know,
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a struggle. And especially if you want to do something else besides
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that. I remember, oh my gosh. I was talking to my
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good friend and she wanted to start this business because
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she was. And she's still in love with animals.
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And we, and I love animals too, especially dogs.
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And we were thinking of having like a doggy daycare.
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And remember, we both at that time were in corporate
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and she still is. We dreamt
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of how we would do it, but then we both
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knew that it's going to take capital, it's going to take money to get it
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started. And then at first you don't have really money coming in,
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so you need to rely on your partners
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or husbands to be able to kind
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of support financially. And it was something.
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It was scary and something that we both put
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on hold. I was actually really wanted to go and do it,
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but she was putting brakes on it.
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So if you're dead, friend, at hearing this episode,
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yes, I really wanted to do it because I wanted to get
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out of corporate world. Corporate world
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was never my. That's never what
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I envisioned to be doing. Even though I went to college and then
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was got into corporate world. And at
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that time I also got into real estate and juggling both.
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But still that desire of being my own boss was
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still there. And I've
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kind of had the desire all these years. And I think
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little by little I started working towards my goals and overcoming
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those fears and struggles to
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get to my dream,
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which was not easy. And I think when you
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are thinking about pursuing that passion, you have that guilt
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that comes with pursuing that passion while
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raising a family. Because you know that as a mom
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you're going to have to give up a lot. Your family relies on you,
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your kids rely on you. And when you are trying to go
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after that passion of doing something that's not
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your typical thing of, you know, working in
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a corporate or working office, whatever it is, it's creating
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something of your own. And it puts, then it's.
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You have to put in the hours, you have to put in time, you have
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to put in a lot of effort. And yes, the ones who
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do end up not struggling but feeling the
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effect of it is your family like your significant other,
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your husband, your kids or your child. And if
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you were trying to keep that job while getting
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your business off the ground, then of
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course when are you going to be working on that business is when you're done
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with your work. When kids go to bed and use, sit down
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in the office or on the couch and start working. I remember when my
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kids got older and
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I tried different things, working on different things.
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And then I went back to the workforce and I was
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doing everything I was doing while I was at home with the
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kids and working on different things because my schedule was
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completely different. When I went back to working in the office.
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I would get up in the morning, try to
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work out a little bit at home and then get my
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kids lunches ready and pick them up
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from sports, take them to school and go to work
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after I was done with work again, pick up from schools cooking
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dinner. That's when I wanted to.
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Well, my family wanted me to get back to real estate. So little
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by little I took the course online. I was studying for the real estate
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exam. It took me some time because then I took some
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time off from studying because it was just a lot.
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And you know that towards the evening you
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are feeling depleted, tired and myself
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like I would cook dinner, we have dinner
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and then I would have to make sure that the
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kitchen is clean, everything is nice and tidy, before I sit down
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on the couch and start learning the
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real estate, getting myself ready for the exam.
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And actually sometimes when things were slow,
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very slow at the office, I would be doing the same thing.
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And I had a friend at work that would just
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look, I remember when I signed up for the exam and I was like,
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okay, I need to sign up. Because if I don't sign up, then I'm not
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going to push myself to study for this exam. And I know it's hard
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and I need to concentrate. I cannot take any day off because then
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I'm going to start forgetting the information that I've learned. And she was so good
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at it. She. I remember she used to tell me, now go in the office
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and just learn. We're good here. Just take
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the time and just go prep. Which I was so thankful for it.
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And so I, that actually,
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that fired that for me registering for
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the exam and actually having the date of when I had to
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go and take that exam because I only had three tries,
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three tries. And I had to retake the whole course again, which I did not
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want to do. I went ahead and I took that
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time and I would take the practice test. I felt I was
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ready. But I know that when I would come for test, I would just
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black out. I just, even though I knew the information, I started second
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guessing myself. Anyways,
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I went ahead and I took the test. I passed it from
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the first try, which I was so excited and static. I couldn't believe it.
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I don't know if I was. I wasn't even jumping up and down.
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I just could not believe that I did it from the first try.
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But I was so thankful that I did register for
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the test that my friend at work gave me that time to
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really study for it and do that examination.
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And I was doing it at home after the kids would
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go to bed. But I wanted it bad enough. And I
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think when you want something bad enough, you will make it work.
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You will stop making the excuses. And yes, it was very
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tough, but I wanted it and
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it. And I made it happen. Now the next step
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was, okay, I have the,
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you know, I passed the exam. Now I need to
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get, you know, my license and need to get,
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you know, go out there and start selling homes and
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helping people buy and sell homes and if
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they want to rent something. But at the
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office that I was working at, like I couldn't continue working there
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because it was a conflict of interest. And it took me some time before
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I Pulled the plug to leave because it was leaving
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the, this comfort of having that
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paycheck coming in. And as you know that
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in real estate, you getting paid
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when the deal closes and when you first start out, you need
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to have that cushion of that,
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you can have that savings and you can
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support yourself, your family while you
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are doing the deals.
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And that was mentally hard because once you used to something and
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like, you know, like you start a business, you have that job
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and you're staying at the job until the business started bringing
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you income, if your family is relying
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on that income, then how do you leave that stability
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and take that leap of the unknown to
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pursue your dream but not being okay with
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not getting paid until the business is
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bringing the money? That's where of course, the decision needs to
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be made as an entire family of what you
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want to do and what the right steps are for the entire
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family. Which can be,
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which can be hard. It can be hard financially, it can be hard
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mentally as well.
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What I know for sure is that the support system
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that you have around you is so critical at
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that time or during that time because
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you are going to go through those withdrawals of well,
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why did I leave? You start second guessing yourself if things don't start moving
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as quickly as you would have hoped. You don't know how the
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markets are going to shift. It just so many unknowns that
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you have to have a strong mindset yourself.
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It's very helpful when you have a great
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support system around you. Your family,
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your friends or your friend, because you're the,
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those are the people that you're gonna lean into.
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And I know that I've gone through so many times where I
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felt that yes, I've had the support, but overall I felt
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like I was that one person on the island
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that had to just rely on myself.
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And I think sometimes for myself that when I go
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through certain things that I keep it inside me. I don't want
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to bother other people with how I'm feeling if I'm
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feeling down because I'm overall kind of
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a happy, positive person and people see
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sense and people see when something is wrong. So I,
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I tend to kind of go back in my, let's say
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like a cocoon and not be around people because I
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don't want them to see my unhappiness and
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for them to be start asking questions when the.
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I'm not ready to give answers. So your support
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system is very important when you
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are stepping into the unknown or you want to step into the unknown.
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Of course your significant Other is plays
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a big role if they're supporting to your opening of the
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business or not. If you've been wanting something and your significant
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other come down to well, how are we going to support the
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family, how are we going to do pay the bills and you know,
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put things in the savings and day to day
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life. Then of course then you just cross
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off that goal or your dream off your
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wish list, your to do list and you
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put it on hold. And maybe you wait until kids get older or things just
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change and sometimes your goals never
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or your dreams never come and it never happened
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because that the way we live now
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is that we need that paycheck. We need
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life became so hard,
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so expensive that both people have to
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go to work and bring that paycheck to survive
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just and to pay like the day to day bills.
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As a mom, it's always that struggle of
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what do I do with my dreams and
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how do I handle pursuing them
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when my family also needs me.
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And that's something that I know that I've struggled before
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and to this day I kind of continues to struggle because I
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of course would love to be much further along than I am.
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But you know what? I'm still working towards
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my goals and dreams. I'm not stopping.
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I've pivoted so many times. I've asked for opinions,
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for professional opinions, advice because
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I want something, you know, bad enough.
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I want that financial freedom,
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financial abundance. I want to give my kids so many
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things that I wasn't able to have
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as a, as a kid myself.
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And I know that they know that I'm working towards that.
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And I'm trying to also not lose myself in motherhood
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and do things that make me happy.
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And even though it's waking up early in the morning, getting to
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that 20 minute workout, go and get, you know,
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your like your nail done, your hair done,
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get your makeup done. You do things for
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yourself and a lot of those things don't need to take a
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lot of time, but you just want to do it for yourself
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to make yourself feel good, feel happy.
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And just when you need that support, even if
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you ask the support from your kids and you talk to
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them, you know they will be
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willing to help you. At least hopefully they'll
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be able to help you. And you
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show them that nothing
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in this life is, cannot be
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nothing in this life that can't be done. And if there's
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somewhere, someone that's around you that just brings you down,
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that brings that negativity, then push them out
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of your, out of your life.
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I know sometimes it's hard to do with family and
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maybe sometimes it can be a significant other. But if there's
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people that are like friends or family that don't
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live with you, you don't have to take that negativity and
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just do what makes you
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happy and makes your family
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happy and put yourself first
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too because your kids, your family would appreciate that
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too because your kids looking up to you as well and they're
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learning from you. So don't forget that
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and don't forget yourself in the process while you trying to
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grow and can grow yourself and grow as
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being a new person.
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And remember that you are more than
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just a moment.
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I just want to say thank you for listening to this episode.
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Make sure to follow, subscribe and share this
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episode and podcast with other mamas who
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you think will find it helpful for them. Please leave
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a comment, preferably five star review. And if you
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would like to let me know what topic you would like for me to cover
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in the future episodes, that would be much
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appreciated. Thank you and until next
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time, bye Bye.