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#HURDLEMOMENT: Fear of Success: How It Works & What To Do About It · Hurdle with Emily Abbate

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Speaker 1: There are going to be setbacks period. There are going
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Speaker 1: to be failures period. Every single big, badass goal that
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Speaker 1: you're ever going to do in your life, you're going
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Speaker 1: to have to feel at least once on your way there.
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Speaker 1: It's not about you. It's just like, Okay, I had
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Speaker 1: to get through that thing. Let's keep going.
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Speaker 2: Hey, everybody, Emily Badi here you are listening to another
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Speaker 2: installment of Hurdle Moment from Hurdle, a wellness focused podcast
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Speaker 2: where I connect with everyone from your favorite athletes to
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Speaker 2: top experts and industry CEOs about their highest highs, toughest moments,
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Speaker 2: and everything in between. We all go through hurdles in life,
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Speaker 2: and my goal through these discussions is to empower you
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Speaker 2: to better navigate yours and move with intention so that
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Speaker 2: you can stride towards your own big potential and of
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Speaker 2: course have some fun along the way. Today, I am
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Speaker 2: so stoked to be bringing you my conversation with Tammy Bennett.
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Speaker 2: She is a Mindset coach and host of the Show
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Speaker 2: Up Society podcast. She also just so happens to be
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Speaker 2: the wife of coach Chris Bennett. Now I say that
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Speaker 2: not because I feel like that.
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Speaker 3: Is how she must be labeled.
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Speaker 2: But because when Tammy cold reached out to me, this
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Speaker 2: was what she led with, which made me laugh. Because
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Speaker 2: her husband is a light and as I say to
1:37
Speaker 2: her at the top portion of our chat today, she's
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Speaker 2: her own person.
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Speaker 3: But God, to be a fly on the wall in
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Speaker 3: that house, I cannot even imagine. I digress. Today, Tammy
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Speaker 3: and I are chatting.
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Speaker 2: All about success, specifically the fear of success, why sometimes
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Speaker 2: we are afraid of being our best.
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Speaker 3: Now.
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Speaker 2: I remember the first time someone asked me what I
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Speaker 2: was more afraid of failure or success?
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Speaker 3: I thought it was a bizarre question.
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Speaker 2: What do you mean that I should be afraid of
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Speaker 2: getting the things that I dreamed of?
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Speaker 3: But it is a little bit more complicated.
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Speaker 2: Than it may seem the question at first, and so
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Speaker 2: Tammy and I are diving into that. We are talking
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Speaker 2: about how to get more comfortable going after the things
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Speaker 2: that you want, your big, scary, hairy, audacious goals. Also
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Speaker 2: chatting a bit makes sense with the topic about failure,
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Speaker 2: how to navigate failure, and why failure is actually the
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Speaker 2: key to success. I'd be really curious to hear about
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Speaker 2: where y'all sit on this conversation. If you are more
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Speaker 2: afraid of failure or success, so hit us up on
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Speaker 2: social tag hurdle over at Hurdle podcast. I myself am
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Speaker 2: att a body and with that, well, let's get to it.
3:03
Speaker 2: Let's get to hurdling.
3:16
Speaker 3: Today.
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Speaker 2: I am sitting down with Tammy Bennett. She's a mindset coach.
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Speaker 2: I am so happy to have you here. How are
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Speaker 2: you doing.
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Speaker 1: I'm so good. Thank you Emily for having me.
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Speaker 3: Of course, you.
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Speaker 2: Know, I have to tell you that leading with the
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Speaker 2: fact that you are coach Bennett's wife is like, I
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Speaker 2: understand why, but.
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Speaker 3: You have so much importance on your Oh.
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Speaker 1: I like to think, so you do?
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Speaker 3: You do.
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Speaker 2: I'm so excited that we're sitting down today, and goodness,
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Speaker 2: I cannot even imagine like what it's got to be
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Speaker 2: like to be your children with the two of you.
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Speaker 1: I feel really sorry for them and I'm just gonna
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Speaker 1: apologize to them every day.
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Speaker 2: Yeah, you know, Chris's episode is one of like the
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Speaker 2: favorites I would say of Hurdler. So it was a
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Speaker 2: no brainer for me that I could have you on here.
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Speaker 2: You and I can have a little girl sash, because
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Speaker 2: I think that I have a hunch this one is
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Speaker 2: going to be just as favorited.
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Speaker 1: I feel a lot of pressure. Now, Oh my gosh, yeah.
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Speaker 3: I'm here for you. I'm here for you. You're also
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Speaker 3: a podcaster.
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Speaker 2: Let us know a little bit about how you got
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Speaker 2: into this line of work. How did you decide to
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Speaker 2: become a mindset coach?
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Speaker 1: Okay, so it started because I was a runner. I
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Speaker 1: was a really good runner at a very young age,
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Speaker 1: and that was my whole identity, right, that's what I
4:45
Speaker 1: knew when I was running. Well, it was great. And
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Speaker 1: then I didn't run as well, and it just all
4:50
Speaker 1: hell broke loose, right, it all fell apart. So that's
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Speaker 1: just like a little background tip. And then you know,
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Speaker 1: Chris and I met in college. We ran in college.
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Speaker 1: I ran a little teeny bit for the Nike Farm
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Speaker 1: team afterwards and then and that was it for me.
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Speaker 1: And then we had kids and they basically had no
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Speaker 1: choice in the whole world other than to become runners.
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Speaker 1: We did not force them, but it's just what they knew, right, Like,
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Speaker 1: they literally grew up playing on the side of a
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Speaker 1: track while we were coaching. And so I started coaching
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Speaker 1: runners of all ages, and I realized in that I
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Speaker 1: saw so much of what I had been through where
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Speaker 1: so much of running as a mindset, So much of
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Speaker 1: it is how you think about yourself, how you treat
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Speaker 1: yourself when you have good results or bad. And I
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Speaker 1: just really realized after thirteen years of coaching runners, that
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Speaker 1: really big part of it is the mindset piece, and
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Speaker 1: that's the part that I really love. I really love
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Speaker 1: injecting that belief into somebody. And yeah, I've never looked back.
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Speaker 2: It's really invigorating, right to help other people realize their
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Speaker 2: own potential.
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Speaker 1: It's the best job on earth.
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Speaker 3: Yeah, I have the best job on Earth.
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Speaker 2: And did you have people in your life growing up
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Speaker 2: that really helped you in that arena that enabled you
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Speaker 2: to understand your full potential?
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Speaker 1: Uh No, which is like why I do it right.
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Speaker 1: So it's like you become what you didn't have a
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Speaker 1: lot of times, you know, So it's like fuck, you know.
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Speaker 1: Like and especially like the reason I started coaching youth
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Speaker 1: is because our kids ran right and I wanted to
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Speaker 1: be their coach because I'm like, I want them to
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Speaker 1: be around somebody that shows them how fun running is
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Speaker 1: and should be and how it's like the most amazing
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Speaker 1: sport on Earth. And I wanted them to be protected,
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Speaker 1: and to have like real workouts and to be treated
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Speaker 1: like real athletes, but also to be treated like kids
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Speaker 1: who have fun and it's a social event going to practice.
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Speaker 1: So yeah, I want to be what I didn't have.
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Speaker 3: You want to be what you didn't have? And why
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Speaker 3: would you say that?
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Speaker 2: It is important for us to show up for ourselves.
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Speaker 1: Because if we don't, then who else will?
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Speaker 3: Right?
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Speaker 1: It all starts with us. It all starts with us.
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Speaker 3: It all starts with us.
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Speaker 2: So you and I here specifically today to talk about
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Speaker 2: the concept of failure versus success. Now, something I talk
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Speaker 2: about a lot on the show, This concept of which
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Speaker 2: one intimidates or scares you more? Are you more scared
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Speaker 2: of failing or are you more scared of success? Now,
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Speaker 2: if I was to ask Tammy that, let's say about
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Speaker 2: ten years ago, what would your answer have been? Oh?
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Speaker 1: My gosh, Like, literally ten years ago, I was on
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Speaker 1: a blog of somebody's. She was doing this whole segment
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Speaker 1: on people's fears, and I was like, oh, I got you,
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Speaker 1: I got one. I have fear of success. So I like,
7:38
Speaker 1: literally ten years ago I was on a blog talking
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Speaker 1: about my fear of success. It was just terrifying to me,
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Speaker 1: and I would say only probably in the past three
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Speaker 1: or four years have I been able to figure it
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Speaker 1: out and to not really have it anymore, or at
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Speaker 1: least work through it if it comes back up again.
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Speaker 2: Some individuals listening to this podcast right now may think,
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Speaker 2: why are.
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Speaker 3: You scared of success?
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Speaker 2: That feels so silly, But others may have a deep
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Speaker 2: rooted fear of success and may not even know it.
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Speaker 3: Can you elaborate a little bit on that?
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Speaker 1: Yeah, So I think like we have it because our
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Speaker 1: brain is trying to keep us safe from something, right,
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Speaker 1: So our brains are really good at protecting us from
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Speaker 1: things that don't feel good or things that are uncomfortable
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Speaker 1: or feel hard or take energy. And so it makes
8:27
Speaker 1: sense why we have it because sometimes if people have
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Speaker 1: this certain fear of a feeling that they don't want
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Speaker 1: to feel, our brain is like, uh uh uhh, we're
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Speaker 1: not going to do the thing that leads to success
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Speaker 1: because you're not ready for that yet. And then I
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Speaker 1: think like kind of a way to figure out if
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Speaker 1: you have it is to just kind of ask yourself,
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Speaker 1: like where you're feeling, like if success came to me today, Like,
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Speaker 1: so you have this goal, if it happened for me today?
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Speaker 1: Am I ready for it? Do I feel ready to
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Speaker 1: handle what comes? Because I think like fear of success
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Speaker 1: isn't You're not scared of the success itself, right, You're
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Speaker 1: scared of them it will have on your life. So
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Speaker 1: if you are successful, you might think, oh, well, then
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Speaker 1: I won't be able to live up to people's expectations
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Speaker 1: or to the standards of my coaches or my sponsors,
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Speaker 1: or even of myself. Or if I have success, what
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Speaker 1: I what if it's not fun anymore once I get
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Speaker 1: to that place and then I'm like, Ooh, I did
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Speaker 1: all this work and spend all this time for this,
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Speaker 1: and now I don't even want to do it anymore.
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Speaker 1: That was sort of what like one of my fear
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Speaker 1: of success things was. You might be thinking something like, well,
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Speaker 1: if I have success, I won't be able to handle
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Speaker 1: the pressure because it will be so much more high
9:32
Speaker 1: stakes when I get there. It also might look like
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Speaker 1: if I have success, I won't have time for fun
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Speaker 1: and balance and social life anymore because I'll be so busy.
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Speaker 1: So those are some kind of ways that it might
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Speaker 1: show up for you.
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Speaker 2: Curious when did you first realize that you had a
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Speaker 2: fear of success.
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Speaker 1: Oh gosh, like this is probably going to get way
9:53
Speaker 1: too deep and dark. But I grew up with a
9:55
Speaker 1: lot of trauma, and so like when we had happy
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Speaker 1: days and everything was like holidays and stuff, shit hit
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Speaker 1: the fan, the other shoe dropped and it was awful.
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Speaker 1: And so I think like even in college, I realized, like,
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Speaker 1: this feels scary to be like, you know, so like
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Speaker 1: I would have a great race and then I was
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Speaker 1: I would feel like, holy shit, like this feels really
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Speaker 1: scary and unsafe because like in my head, I'm just thinking, Okay, well,
10:17
Speaker 1: what's going to happen to take all of this away?
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Speaker 1: And so yeah, I think even in college running I
10:21
Speaker 1: really noticed it.
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Speaker 2: Wow Wow, Yeah, I can definitely relate to that feeling
10:25
Speaker 2: and the life coaching course that I am currently, and
10:29
Speaker 2: we talk a lot about the gremlin and how the
10:32
Speaker 2: gremlin is what creeps in and is preventative or tries
10:37
Speaker 2: to prevent you from finding your own happiness from yeah,
10:41
Speaker 2: unlocking your potential.
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Speaker 3: It's like, yeah, but do you actually want this thing
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Speaker 3: that you think that you want?
10:47
Speaker 1: Yep, But really it's there just to keep us safe, right,
10:50
Speaker 1: So we can just kind of like thank it and
10:52
Speaker 1: see and you know be like, hey, you know, thank
10:53
Speaker 1: you so much for looking out for me. But I
10:55
Speaker 1: got this. I'm gonna be okay.
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Speaker 3: Yeah, I got this. I'm gonna be okay.
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Speaker 2: For the person that wants to be like I've got this,
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Speaker 2: they want to conquer their fear of success, where do
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Speaker 2: they even begin?
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Speaker 1: Okay, so you got to begin with awareness. So really
11:12
Speaker 1: just check in with yourself kind of with that question,
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Speaker 1: like if my success happened today, am I ready for it?
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Speaker 1: Do I feel like? And you'll notice like in your body,
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Speaker 1: are you like excited, like hell yeah, or are you
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Speaker 1: like oh god, oh god, like I'm not ready. I
11:23
Speaker 1: need to do this or I need to do that.
11:25
Speaker 1: So just really be honest with yourself, ask if you
11:28
Speaker 1: are ready for it, and then like literally get out
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Speaker 1: a pen and paper and whatever kind of like things
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Speaker 1: come up where you're like, no, I don't feel ready,
11:36
Speaker 1: or like that would be so scary, or I don't
11:38
Speaker 1: have enough time. I wouldn't be fun. Write them down,
11:41
Speaker 1: because for one, writing it down makes the gremlin not
11:43
Speaker 1: look as scary anymore because you're like, oh wait, maybe
11:46
Speaker 1: that's not so bad. And so then you'll have this
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Speaker 1: list of things like Okay, I'll be too busy, I
11:50
Speaker 1: won't have time for friends, I won't be able to
11:52
Speaker 1: uphold expectation as sponsors. Let's just say those you're on
11:54
Speaker 1: your list, and then you just go one by one
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Speaker 1: and you feel like you realize, is I even true?
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Speaker 1: Is that really even a thing that could happen? Am
12:03
Speaker 1: I worrying about something that might not ever happen? And
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Speaker 1: if it is true, what can I do about it? So, like,
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Speaker 1: if your concern was I won't have time for friends,
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Speaker 1: then how are you going to create safety for you
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Speaker 1: to know that you'll have time with friends even of success? Right,
12:18
Speaker 1: so you're like, okay, well, if I'm successful, I might
12:21
Speaker 1: not have time with friends. Well how are you going
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Speaker 1: to figure that out? You can say, well, like, no,
12:24
Speaker 1: I'm going to say I'm not going to do any
12:26
Speaker 1: events on Saturdays because that's my social day. And just
12:30
Speaker 1: remembering that you have your own power over your own schedule,
12:34
Speaker 1: and so really you're just taking each fear at a
12:36
Speaker 1: time and showing yourself how you can like combat that,
12:40
Speaker 1: like how you can overcome it. So then you have
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Speaker 1: almost like an action plan, like Here's how I'm going
12:44
Speaker 1: to create safety here's how I know I'm going to
12:47
Speaker 1: be okay if these things even do happen, which they
12:49
Speaker 1: probably won't, and then you'll be okay because really like okay, yeah,
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Speaker 1: because if you have this fear of success hidden in you,
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Speaker 1: of course you're not going to go all in on
12:58
Speaker 1: your goals. You're not going to do all the things
13:00
Speaker 1: you could because you have this fear of like, well,
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Speaker 1: oh shit, if I do all these things and success happens,
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Speaker 1: then I'm screwed because I don't feel ready yet. So
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Speaker 1: it's the secret thing that's holding you back from like
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Speaker 1: doing all the things. Right.
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Speaker 2: You mentioned taking out a pen and paper, right, would
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Speaker 2: you say that also sitting down and writing out what
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Speaker 2: success would look and feel like can be helpful as well.
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Speaker 1: Awesome idea, yep, because you'll see like, oh, actually, maybe
13:25
Speaker 1: it's not even a thing to be worried about, right,
13:28
Speaker 1: and like a lot you're So that's just such a
13:30
Speaker 1: good point because a lot of times we haven't even
13:31
Speaker 1: really thought through what it actually would look like to
13:34
Speaker 1: be successful and to have that like goal happen for you,
13:38
Speaker 1: and you might find like, oh, yeah, this is this
13:40
Speaker 1: is what I want for sure? This sounds amazing, Yeah.
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Speaker 2: And being specific about some of those goals, right, because
13:47
Speaker 2: I've gone through periods of my career, especially as an
13:52
Speaker 2: entrepreneur and my own boss, where I think really really
13:56
Speaker 2: long term, like super zoomed out, and then I hit
13:59
Speaker 2: a little bit of a hurdle in that I'm like, well,
14:02
Speaker 2: what am I working toward in this moment? Like what
14:05
Speaker 2: is something that is achievable within three months, six months,
14:09
Speaker 2: a year that does have this other larger big picture
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Speaker 2: goal in mind, but feels a little bit more doable
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Speaker 2: in the moment totally.
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Speaker 1: That's an exercise I do with myself and with my clients,
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Speaker 1: like we take their big goal and then we break
14:22
Speaker 1: it down backwards from where the like where it happens,
14:26
Speaker 1: like you know, let's say a year from now, and
14:28
Speaker 1: we bring it down to today. And then every day
14:31
Speaker 1: or every week, I would write down my goal, and
14:32
Speaker 1: then I would write down, like what am I doing
14:34
Speaker 1: today to get me like one inch closer to that
14:36
Speaker 1: goal happening. Just to like keep in touch with it
14:39
Speaker 1: and keep tethered and making sure that you're still like
14:41
Speaker 1: working on the thing, because you can get lost on
14:44
Speaker 1: the weeds.
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Speaker 2: You can get lost in the weeds it's super especially
14:47
Speaker 2: when you feel like super excited about something right like,
14:52
Speaker 2: it kind of makes you. It puts you into a
14:55
Speaker 2: frenzy and then you lose sight of what is possible
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Speaker 2: to accomplish, like in this moment upfront right now. Totally yeah, totally, totally,
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Speaker 2: so along the lines and in the same vein of
15:10
Speaker 2: being afraid of success, we would be remiss if we
15:13
Speaker 2: didn't talk about being afraid of failure. I'm sure many
15:18
Speaker 2: listening can identify with that, with being scared of failing
15:22
Speaker 2: or perhaps even failing publicly in the age of social media.
15:27
Speaker 3: What do you say to those people.
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Speaker 1: I say, stop being scared of if failure is going
15:32
Speaker 1: to happen, because it is right. It's like really that simple.
15:36
Speaker 1: You are going to fail. And when I say fail,
15:38
Speaker 1: I just mean you're going to get a result different
15:40
Speaker 1: from the one that you set out to get.
15:42
Speaker 2: Right.
15:42
Speaker 1: So let's say your goal is to break you know,
15:46
Speaker 1: three hours in the marathon, and you run three h five.
15:49
Speaker 1: I'm calling that a failure, just meaning the result was
15:51
Speaker 1: different than what you wanted. It doesn't have to be
15:54
Speaker 1: a bad word. That is not a bad f word
15:56
Speaker 1: in my book at all. It's like Okay, cool, Now
16:00
Speaker 1: what are we going to do about it? And but
16:02
Speaker 1: I think if you can just start off accepting there
16:04
Speaker 1: are going to be setbacks, period. There are going to
16:07
Speaker 1: be failures period. Every single big, badass goal that you're
16:10
Speaker 1: ever going to do in your life, you're going to
16:12
Speaker 1: have to fail at least once on your way there.
16:15
Speaker 1: I don't know anybody who's had a big goal that
16:17
Speaker 1: hasn't had a failure. I mean, and like I tell
16:19
Speaker 1: my clients, it's like the chocolate chips and a chocolate
16:21
Speaker 1: chip cookie recipe. It's just part of it. You can't
16:25
Speaker 1: get to it without it. So if you can just
16:27
Speaker 1: accept it, like, oh, yep, here it is. Here's the
16:29
Speaker 1: part where I fail. It's literally like a checkbox of
16:32
Speaker 1: to do's on your way to the goal. And so
16:34
Speaker 1: like when you have the failure, yeah, it's just like Okay, yep,
16:37
Speaker 1: got that one out of the way. Let's keep going.
16:39
Speaker 1: And so you don't let it mean anything about you.
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Speaker 1: It's not about you. It's just like, Okay, I had
16:44
Speaker 1: to get through that thing. Let's keep going.
16:46
Speaker 3: It's not a problem.
16:54
Speaker 2: Taking a break from today's episode to talk to you
16:58
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17:06
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18:01
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18:04
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18:07
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18:09
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20:20
Speaker 2: I believe that many of us get to a place
20:25
Speaker 2: with coming of age where we have the capacity to
20:29
Speaker 2: recognize that failure is a natural part of life. And
20:34
Speaker 2: for me, I'm on your team where I definitely have
20:39
Speaker 2: been scared of success, right, And that's because I know
20:43
Speaker 2: that I am so excellent at failing.
20:46
Speaker 3: Like I am excellent at failing.
20:49
Speaker 2: Like I got that one down, yeah, you know, like
20:52
Speaker 2: I've done it really well many times, and I know
20:55
Speaker 2: that I can pick myself up and move forward.
20:57
Speaker 3: So knowing that, knowing what I know.
21:00
Speaker 2: It makes the idea of success a little bit more intimidating.
21:05
Speaker 1: Mm hmm. Yeah. But here's the thing. I have two
21:08
Speaker 1: things to say. One is I take fear of success
21:11
Speaker 1: as a good sign. It's like a hidden compliment because
21:15
Speaker 1: you wouldn't be having it if you didn't think success
21:18
Speaker 1: was possible for you, right, You wouldn't have that scared
21:21
Speaker 1: of like, oh, I don't know if I'll be able
21:22
Speaker 1: to handle it when it comes if you didn't think
21:24
Speaker 1: it was possible. So in there, somewhere in your brain
21:28
Speaker 1: or your body or your soul, you know that you
21:30
Speaker 1: are capable of achieving that and of making it happen.
21:33
Speaker 1: So to me, it's like a really good sign. I'm like, oh,
21:36
Speaker 1: thank you for knowing that I'm capable of this. I
21:38
Speaker 1: just need to know how to handle these fears along
21:41
Speaker 1: the way. The other thing I wanted to say is
21:43
Speaker 1: fear of success and fear of failure are really kind
21:46
Speaker 1: of like really really close sisters or something, because, like
21:50
Speaker 1: what I was saying, one of the examples of fear
21:51
Speaker 1: of success is what if I don't live up to
21:53
Speaker 1: the standards or expectations that I've set. That's really just
21:56
Speaker 1: a fear of failure, right, It's a fear of that you've,
22:00
Speaker 1: you know, reach this certain level and now you have
22:02
Speaker 1: sponsors or coaches or whatever that are expecting that same
22:06
Speaker 1: level or more of you, and you're scared that you
22:07
Speaker 1: can't do it. So really it's just a fear of
22:09
Speaker 1: failure kind of in disguise.
22:11
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean this brings me back to thinking about
22:14
Speaker 2: the big goal that I set in twenty nineteen for
22:17
Speaker 2: the Chicago Marathon, and I was scared a little bit
22:20
Speaker 2: to put it out into the world because of this
22:23
Speaker 2: idea of quote unquote failing publicly. Thankfully a long story,
22:27
Speaker 2: short spoiler alert, I ended up exceeding my.
22:30
Speaker 3: Goal, crushing the goal. It was awesome.
22:33
Speaker 2: But when I think about the feelings that I had
22:36
Speaker 2: surrounding that public proclamation of this thing that I wanted
22:40
Speaker 2: at the end of the day, even if I didn't
22:42
Speaker 2: get it, you get to a place where you realize
22:45
Speaker 2: that you're really the person that cares the most like whatever,
22:49
Speaker 2: regardless of what everybody else thinks, regardless of whatever it
22:52
Speaker 2: is that you think that you're scared of, life is
22:55
Speaker 2: going to go on if you don't quote unquote get
22:57
Speaker 2: the thing that you're going for.
22:59
Speaker 1: Right, And let me just tell you this, Like I'm
23:01
Speaker 1: on a mission to have people normalize failure and to
23:04
Speaker 1: celebrate it. So like when I have my group programs,
23:07
Speaker 1: we literally have a place where you have to come
23:09
Speaker 1: in and you have to post your fails and then
23:12
Speaker 1: everybody else collapse for you and they're like, hell, yeah,
23:15
Speaker 1: sister or brother, whoever you did the thing. You went
23:18
Speaker 1: out and you tried, and you're a effing badass, right,
23:21
Speaker 1: Because if we normalize it for each other, then we'll
23:23
Speaker 1: start cheering each other on when we're badass and ballsy
23:26
Speaker 1: enough to put ourselves out there and say, hey, I
23:28
Speaker 1: want to run X time for Chicago Marathon, and then
23:31
Speaker 1: those are going to be like your support crew. Those
23:32
Speaker 1: are going to be the people that are loving you
23:34
Speaker 1: and cheering for you no matter what you run. And
23:37
Speaker 1: we just have to like build that in our communities
23:39
Speaker 1: of like, hey, friends, we're just gonna go fail together
23:41
Speaker 1: big time. We're going to put ourselves out on the line.
23:44
Speaker 1: How badass is that to state something like that publicly
23:47
Speaker 1: and to know like this is you know, this is
23:50
Speaker 1: what I want to do and I might not do it,
23:52
Speaker 1: but I'm gonna go after it.
23:54
Speaker 3: Yeah.
23:55
Speaker 2: I love that that I'm gonna go after it. So,
23:57
Speaker 2: going back to our convo on success, we talked about
24:02
Speaker 2: some of those initial stuffs that we can take to
24:04
Speaker 2: get more comfortable with the idea of succeeding. What would
24:08
Speaker 2: you like to reiterate to the listeners I call them
24:12
Speaker 2: the hurdlers about success in general.
24:16
Speaker 3: What is someone supposed to do?
24:18
Speaker 2: And I use the words to post in air quotes
24:21
Speaker 2: once they succeed.
24:23
Speaker 1: Oh, this is such a good question. It's one of
24:25
Speaker 1: my very, very very favorite things to talk about. Okay,
24:28
Speaker 1: you need to sit in the glow and you need
24:32
Speaker 1: to think about all the ways that you made it happen.
24:36
Speaker 1: That you made it happen. So I'll have clients that
24:39
Speaker 1: are like, yeah, I broke you know, I got a
24:41
Speaker 1: PR on this race, and I'll say, oh, good, how
24:43
Speaker 1: did you make that happen? And they'll say, well, it
24:45
Speaker 1: was really good weather. Uh ah, friend, uh huh. Because
24:48
Speaker 1: that's giving all your power away to something external. I
24:51
Speaker 1: want to hear how you showed up all the time
24:54
Speaker 1: for these workouts and these hill runs and these hard
24:57
Speaker 1: long runs in the hot or in the cold, I
24:59
Speaker 1: wouldn't hear or how you suffered and overcame and that's
25:03
Speaker 1: why you got the PR and your race today, not
25:05
Speaker 1: because of the weather, not because it was like a
25:07
Speaker 1: great crowd. Yes, those things can help, but don't attribute
25:10
Speaker 1: your success to things outside of you. And I know
25:13
Speaker 1: that might sound like arrogant, and that's not what we're told,
25:16
Speaker 1: especially I think a lot of females are told like
25:18
Speaker 1: not to like boost up how we created the results,
25:22
Speaker 1: But it's so important, and I'll tell you it's important
25:25
Speaker 1: because if you can own the wins that you've created,
25:29
Speaker 1: if you can own your success and see that you're
25:31
Speaker 1: the one who put that there, then you know that
25:34
Speaker 1: you can go create so much more success. You know
25:37
Speaker 1: that you're capable of You don't get that imposter syndrome
25:40
Speaker 1: because you're like, no, I'm the one that did this. Yes,
25:42
Speaker 1: I had help from coaches and friends, yes, but I'm
25:45
Speaker 1: also the one that got my ass out there and
25:46
Speaker 1: ran every day. When you can own it, you can
25:49
Speaker 1: go create so much more of it.
25:51
Speaker 2: When you can own it, you can go create so
25:54
Speaker 2: much more of it. And this also alludes to an
25:57
Speaker 2: important tip when it comes to what happens after success
26:02
Speaker 2: when you achieve one of your goals, What is the
26:05
Speaker 2: next thing that you want to do after you recognize
26:08
Speaker 2: the journey that it took to get there.
26:10
Speaker 1: Yeah, I want you to sit and not plan what's
26:12
Speaker 1: next yet, because like so many people are like, Okay,
26:15
Speaker 1: what's your next race? And you're like, chill, friend, I
26:17
Speaker 1: haven't even celebrated this one yet, Like let me go
26:19
Speaker 1: have a beer and a burger and like hang out
26:21
Speaker 1: and just like sit in the afterglow of it right
26:25
Speaker 1: own it. And also a lot of times I tell
26:28
Speaker 1: people to plan for like nothing, plan for this just
26:31
Speaker 1: like glow time's reflection time, this chill time. And if
26:35
Speaker 1: you plan for it ahead of time, then you don't
26:36
Speaker 1: get those like post success blues, because that can happen,
26:39
Speaker 1: right because now you're like what am I even doing
26:41
Speaker 1: on this earth? Now that all my like things have happened.
26:44
Speaker 1: So sit in the glow, have fun, do some of
26:47
Speaker 1: the things that you maybe didn't get to do while
26:49
Speaker 1: you were in serious training, and then once you just
26:52
Speaker 1: like rejuvenate, get all your energy back, then you can think.
26:55
Speaker 3: About what's next.
26:56
Speaker 2: Right, right, So after you kind of have that emotional
26:59
Speaker 2: and mental reset, then you can think about what's next
27:02
Speaker 2: and realizing that whatever your goals are, whatever you've just accomplished,
27:07
Speaker 2: it's okay to then pivot and set goals that are
27:10
Speaker 2: completely unrelated. Oftentimes, when we have our focus set in
27:14
Speaker 2: one area of our life, other areas of our life
27:17
Speaker 2: tend to fall by the wayside a little bit. So
27:20
Speaker 2: taking a step back and asking yourself, like, where energetically
27:23
Speaker 2: does it really feel right for me to move forward
27:27
Speaker 2: to at this moment? What is it that I want
27:31
Speaker 2: that would make me feel whole again? What is something
27:33
Speaker 2: that truly makes me excited with passion and purpose? And
27:37
Speaker 2: it's okay if the answers to those questions change over time.
27:41
Speaker 1: Right, Yeah, you're a human and you change. I love
27:44
Speaker 1: that you said to check in with yourself and see
27:45
Speaker 1: what feels good to you. And I think that's another
27:48
Speaker 1: important thing about like your identity, So like when I'm
27:51
Speaker 1: coaching young runners, and like, you're a runner, yes, but
27:54
Speaker 1: what else are you? Because I don't want anybody on
27:57
Speaker 1: the earth to just identify as one thing, So like,
28:00
Speaker 1: you're more than a podcaster, You're more than a runner.
28:02
Speaker 1: You're a runner and a writer and an artist and
28:04
Speaker 1: a teacher and a friend, like, I want you to
28:06
Speaker 1: have this whole list of the things that you are
28:08
Speaker 1: who make you you, because then to your point when
28:11
Speaker 1: you're like ready to just kind of reset or shift
28:13
Speaker 1: your focus a little bit, you know what it is
28:16
Speaker 1: that makes you feel alive and that makes you feel
28:18
Speaker 1: like you, And it's so important to get back to
28:20
Speaker 1: those and to feed all those things of you. You're
28:22
Speaker 1: not just a runner, you're so much more, so much more, so,
28:26
Speaker 1: much more.
28:27
Speaker 2: What else should we touch on when it comes to
28:29
Speaker 2: this discussion of success, Tammy.
28:33
Speaker 1: Hmm, okay. I think another one is sometimes your success
28:40
Speaker 1: comes before your self concept catches up to it. So like,
28:44
Speaker 1: for instance, I'll work with people that are starting new
28:46
Speaker 1: businesses and all of a sudden, they'll have all these
28:49
Speaker 1: clients or all this money come in, and they're like,
28:51
Speaker 1: oh wait, wait, this doesn't feel like me, because they're
28:53
Speaker 1: so used to telling themselves a story about like they
28:56
Speaker 1: don't make money yet, or they don't have clients yet.
28:58
Speaker 1: And so sometimes you almost to sit in this kind
29:01
Speaker 1: of like pause phase to let your self concept of
29:04
Speaker 1: who you are catch up to that level of success,
29:07
Speaker 1: because sometimes it happens so fast it's almost like I
29:10
Speaker 1: imagine like in cartoons where you're like sitting in a
29:13
Speaker 1: car and like the wheels go out from under you
29:14
Speaker 1: and you're just still sitting there. You're like, oh wait, wait,
29:17
Speaker 1: I am the person that can run sub six minute
29:19
Speaker 1: mile pace. Like you haven't been that before, and so
29:22
Speaker 1: it might feel scary when you go through and you
29:24
Speaker 1: get your split and it's like, you know, eleven fifty
29:26
Speaker 1: eight for two miles and you're like, oh shit, Like
29:28
Speaker 1: but you're like, oh no, I am this person who
29:31
Speaker 1: can run sub six. So just sometimes if you're noticing
29:35
Speaker 1: a lot of that this doesn't feel right or it
29:37
Speaker 1: feels uncomfortable, just know you'll give yourself that pause, let
29:41
Speaker 1: your self concept catch up.
29:43
Speaker 2: Yeah, that self concept is such an important important point.
29:47
Speaker 2: And also what we're touching on here is that inner dialogue, right,
29:52
Speaker 2: knowing thathing's difference between what is fact, what is truth,
29:56
Speaker 2: and how you feel, and that those two aren't always
29:59
Speaker 2: one and the same.
30:00
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's the whole basis of all my coaching is
30:04
Speaker 1: like what are you thinking about and is this true?
30:06
Speaker 1: Because there's a lot of ways for your brain to
30:08
Speaker 1: interpret the situation, and let's find the way to interpret it.
30:11
Speaker 1: That makes you feel good.
30:13
Speaker 3: Oh so important, so important.
30:15
Speaker 2: If you had to offer the hurdlars any last words
30:19
Speaker 2: of wisdom on this topic, Tammy, what do you have
30:22
Speaker 2: for them?
30:23
Speaker 1: Hmmm? I mean I'm just such a big nerd and
30:26
Speaker 1: a big fan of like notebooks and pins and journals,
30:29
Speaker 1: because I do there is something so important and powerful
30:32
Speaker 1: about putting thoughts to paper. I think that when you
30:36
Speaker 1: are having the resistance to really just ask yourself, what's
30:40
Speaker 1: going on here? What am I scared of? And how
30:43
Speaker 1: can I handle it? I know that I can. I
30:46
Speaker 1: just have to figure out how, Like I just need
30:47
Speaker 1: to figure out the steps that I'm going to take
30:49
Speaker 1: to like overcome this fear, this resistance. I know I can,
30:52
Speaker 1: but how and then just figure it out? Write it
30:54
Speaker 1: out and you will.
30:56
Speaker 3: You will, you will overcome. We love it. We love it.
31:00
Speaker 2: T me. Talk to the hurdlers. Tell them how do
31:02
Speaker 2: they follow along with you? How do they keep up
31:03
Speaker 2: with you? Give us all of your details.
31:06
Speaker 1: Okay, So my podcast is the Show Up Society Podcast.
31:10
Speaker 1: It's all the places where podcasts are and probably the
31:13
Speaker 1: most fun place to connect with me and hang out
31:15
Speaker 1: with me is on Instagram And I'm also at show
31:18
Speaker 1: up society on Instagram. I love hanging out with people
31:21
Speaker 1: and my dms. Yeah, come find me, say hello, Say hello.
31:26
Speaker 2: I'm over at emily A Bodi and at Hurdle Podcast.
31:28
Speaker 2: Another Hurdle conquered. Catch you guys next time.