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Staging Those Big Moments · The No Cry Zone

• 0:35
  SPEAKER_01: At the end of the day.
• 0:49
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to the No Cry Zone, where we focus on positive change that is doable and durable.
• 0:57
  SPEAKER_00: I'm your host, Jim Best, and I'm glad you're here.
• 1:01
  SPEAKER_00: First, a shout out to Brazen Kandor.
• 1:04
  SPEAKER_00: They shifted gears a bit and showed their versatility with that new drop at the end of the day.
• 1:11
  SPEAKER_00: Be one of the first to grab that one at Brazen Candor.
• 1:15
  SPEAKER_00: It's a fun song, and at the end of the day, one of my favorites.
• 1:19
  SPEAKER_00: Last week we talked about acing those big moments, and a lot of you leaned into that.
• 1:25
  SPEAKER_00: Because it's true.
• 1:26
  SPEAKER_00: Life often turns not on average days, but on a handful of moments that carry disproportionate weight.
• 1:36
  SPEAKER_00: We've also focused on vivid mental rehearsal in the past, or VMR.
• 1:42
  SPEAKER_00: This prepares us for new roles, new responsibilities, new actions and interactions.
• 1:48
  SPEAKER_00: And you'll quickly see how relevant it is for today's topic.
• 1:53
  SPEAKER_00: Now, we are going to go one level deeper.
• 1:56
  SPEAKER_00: This episode is called Staging Those Big Moments.
• 2:01
  SPEAKER_00: First, most people will say, Yeah, I get that.
• 2:04
  SPEAKER_00: It's setting things up in advance.
• 2:06
  SPEAKER_00: But here's the truth.
• 2:07
  SPEAKER_00: Most people don't do it to any great effect.
• 2:10
  SPEAKER_00: And here's why.
• 2:12
  SPEAKER_00: Staging requires three things that most are not comfortable with.
• 2:17
  SPEAKER_00: First, you must make a decision.
• 2:20
  SPEAKER_00: You need to decide what you want to accomplish.
• 2:23
  SPEAKER_00: Second, clarity.
• 2:25
  SPEAKER_00: You need to know the range of outcomes you want.
• 2:29
  SPEAKER_00: Third, action.
• 2:31
  SPEAKER_00: You must take action.
• 2:33
  SPEAKER_00: And as we know here in a no-cry zone, that trips up a lot of people.
• 2:39
  SPEAKER_00: So, staging requires decision, clarity, and action.
• 2:45
  SPEAKER_00: Now, before that word stag throws you off a bit, stay with me, because this is one of those places where language has drifted.
• 2:54
  SPEAKER_00: I like to think about phrases, sayings, maxims, where they came from, what they originally meant, and how over time their meaning slides.
• 3:04
  SPEAKER_00: One of the most famous lines is from Shakespeare in his play, As You Like It, All the World Astage.
• 3:13
  SPEAKER_00: Now, a lot of people think that it means people are fake, people are performing, people are putting on acts, chasing drama.
• 3:23
  SPEAKER_00: That's the modern, slightly cynical interpretation.
• 3:27
  SPEAKER_00: But you know what?
• 3:29
  SPEAKER_00: I went to the Shakespeare Theatre Globe on the banks of the River Thames in London.
• 3:38
  SPEAKER_00: And you can plainly see he wasn't just a poet.
• 3:42
  SPEAKER_00: He was an actor and a playwright.
• 3:45
  SPEAKER_00: He understood something deeper.
• 3:47
  SPEAKER_00: He understood staging.
• 3:50
  SPEAKER_00: He had to think about how scenes are set, how moments are constructed, how characters enter, how tension builds, how something feels real, meaningful, and compelling to an audience.
• 4:04
  SPEAKER_00: And when you look at that phrase through that lens, it opens up a much more useful idea, doesn't it?
• 4:11
  SPEAKER_00: If the world is a stage, then you are not just a participant.
• 4:17
  SPEAKER_00: You are, at least in part, a director.
• 4:21
  SPEAKER_00: You don't control the whole play, but you influence the scenes you step into, the conversations you initiate, the environments you choose, the timing you create, and even to a meaningful degree, the cast of characters around you through the relationships you build and the interactions you choose to have.
• 4:45
  SPEAKER_00: And that brings us right back to last week.
• 4:48
  SPEAKER_00: We talked about acing big moments, those conversations, decisions, and opportunities that can shape outcomes.
• 4:56
  SPEAKER_00: But here's what many people miss.
• 4:58
  SPEAKER_00: Some of the most important moments in your life don't just arrive, they're staged.
• 5:04
  SPEAKER_00: We're not talking about being dramatic.
• 5:07
  SPEAKER_00: Here's what we mean by staging: you set the meeting, you initiate the conversation, you prepare the idea, you create the conditions where something meaningful can happen.
• 5:19
  SPEAKER_00: You use your skill at anticipating, not anticipating what will happen if you do nothing or what others will do, anticipating the opportunity to make progress.
• 5:32
  SPEAKER_00: And that's where this gets really compelling because many people are waiting for big moments.
• 5:38
  SPEAKER_00: You've seen them do this, but there are other people that are quietly staging those big moments and capitalizing on them.
• 5:48
  SPEAKER_00: So today we're going to talk about how to do that without being fake, without being manipulative, and without losing who you are.
• 5:56
  SPEAKER_00: Because done well, staging isn't deception, it's preparation, it's intention.
• 6:04
  SPEAKER_00: It's creating the conditions where better outcomes become far more likely.
• 6:10
  SPEAKER_00: Let me repeat that.
• 6:19
  SPEAKER_00: And who doesn't need a little bit more of that in their lives?
• 6:23
  SPEAKER_00: And once you see it, and once you see its effectiveness, you'll start noticing opportunities everywhere.
• 6:31
  SPEAKER_00: So let's talk first about where staging shows up in real life and make this practical.
• 6:42
  SPEAKER_00: Some people think romance is spontaneous, and it often is.
• 6:47
  SPEAKER_00: But a lot of meaningful romantic moments are staged.
• 6:50
  SPEAKER_00: Choosing the setting, creating time without distraction, saying what matters instead of hoping it's felt.
• 6:58
  SPEAKER_00: Being intentional about tone and presence.
• 7:02
  SPEAKER_00: A thoughtful dinner, a walk, a quiet conversation.
• 7:06
  SPEAKER_00: Those are staged opportunities for connection.
• 7:10
  SPEAKER_00: Relationship moments.
• 7:12
  SPEAKER_00: Relations don't deepen by accident.
• 7:15
  SPEAKER_00: They deepen through staged moments.
• 7:17
  SPEAKER_00: Can we talk for a bit?
• 7:19
  SPEAKER_00: I've been thinking about something I wanted to share with you.
• 7:22
  SPEAKER_00: I want us to be better here.
• 7:24
  SPEAKER_00: I want us to be together more.
• 7:26
  SPEAKER_00: Those moments don't just happen.
• 7:29
  SPEAKER_00: Someone creates them.
• 7:31
  SPEAKER_00: And networking moments.
• 7:34
  SPEAKER_00: Networking is one of the biggest challenges that many people have.
• 7:39
  SPEAKER_00: People say, I wish I had a better connections, but connections are often staged.
• 7:45
  SPEAKER_00: You introduce yourself, you follow up, you invite someone to coffee, you show genuine interest, you create a reason to stay in touch.
• 7:56
  SPEAKER_00: That's not manipulation, that's participation in opportunity.
• 8:01
  SPEAKER_00: Now let's talk about career moments.
• 8:03
  SPEAKER_00: Careers turn in staged moments.
• 8:06
  SPEAKER_00: Asking for the meeting, presenting the idea, volunteering for visibility, requesting feedback, asking for the promotion, seeking more responsibility.
• 8:19
  SPEAKER_00: A lot of people wait to be noticed.
• 8:22
  SPEAKER_00: That isn't effective.
• 8:25
  SPEAKER_00: Others create moments where they can be noticed.
• 8:29
  SPEAKER_00: Talk about challenging conversations.
• 8:32
  SPEAKER_00: These are some of the most important moments to stage well.
• 8:36
  SPEAKER_00: Not bringing something up in the middle of a stressful time, not bringing something up in public, or not when emotions are already high.
• 8:45
  SPEAKER_00: Better times are choosing that timing, choosing a private moment, thinking through your intent, preparing to listen, not just talk.
• 8:56
  SPEAKER_00: That's staging for clarity, not conflict.
• 9:00
  SPEAKER_00: Now, let's talk about confrontations.
• 9:03
  SPEAKER_00: Not every confrontation needs to be explosive.
• 9:07
  SPEAKER_00: You don't want to be at the okay corral continually.
• 9:12
  SPEAKER_00: In fact, most confrontations are better when they are staged thoughtfully, calm tone, clear purpose, a controlled environment, focus on the outcome, not victory.
• 9:25
  SPEAKER_00: That's the difference between escalation and resolution.
• 9:30
  SPEAKER_00: Now, most of us have big moments with children.
• 9:34
  SPEAKER_00: Children ask big questions at unexpected times, but parents can also stage moments, teaching moments, values conversations, check-in, a guidance when it matters.
• 9:47
  SPEAKER_00: A simple, let's talk about this for a moment.
• 9:51
  SPEAKER_00: That staging a moment that can shape a life.
• 9:55
  SPEAKER_00: Asking for support.
• 9:58
  SPEAKER_00: These are some of the moments that are craftily staged.
• 10:02
  SPEAKER_00: Most people struggle here.
• 10:04
  SPEAKER_00: They hope people will notice.
• 10:06
  SPEAKER_00: They hope that people will volunteer to help.
• 10:10
  SPEAKER_00: Better to stage the moment.
• 10:12
  SPEAKER_00: Be clear, be direct.
• 10:15
  SPEAKER_00: Choose the right person.
• 10:17
  SPEAKER_00: Explain what you need.
• 10:19
  SPEAKER_00: Support often follows clarity.
• 10:22
  SPEAKER_00: And remember, our formula for staging is decision, clarity, action.
• 10:31
  SPEAKER_00: Saying no.
• 10:32
  SPEAKER_00: Many people struggle with this.
• 10:34
  SPEAKER_00: Saying no is a moment worth staging, not reactive, not abrupt, thoughtful, respectful, clear, appropriately timed.
• 10:45
  SPEAKER_00: A well-staged no protects relationship while honoring your boundaries.
• 10:53
  SPEAKER_00: Disagreeing.
• 10:54
  SPEAKER_00: Disagreement does not need to become conflict, but it often does when it's unplanned and reactive.
• 10:59
  SPEAKER_00: Stage disagreement looks and sounds like I see this a little bit differently.
• 11:04
  SPEAKER_00: Can I walk you through my thinking?
• 11:06
  SPEAKER_00: With a calm tone, mutual respect, clarity without aggression.
• 11:12
  SPEAKER_00: That's how ideas improve without relationships breaking.
• 11:17
  SPEAKER_00: So let's talk about the core skill of staging.
• 11:21
  SPEAKER_00: Staging is about creating conditions where good outcomes are more likely.
• 11:27
  SPEAKER_00: Not guaranteed, but more likely.
• 11:29
  SPEAKER_00: And you're not controlling people, you're improving the environment, the timing, the clarity, and your own readiness.
• 11:36
  SPEAKER_00: And frankly, once you become good at this, people will appreciate your social skills more.
• 11:43
  SPEAKER_00: Remember a few weeks ago we talked about being a social Zamboni.
• 11:48
  SPEAKER_00: That's what effective staging does.
• 11:53
  SPEAKER_00: So let's talk about a simple framework.
• 11:55
  SPEAKER_00: If you want to stage big moments better, think about five things.
• 12:00
  SPEAKER_00: Timing.
• 12:01
  SPEAKER_00: When does this conversation or moment have the best chance to go well?
• 12:05
  SPEAKER_00: Setting.
• 12:06
  SPEAKER_00: Where should this happen?
• 12:08
  SPEAKER_00: In public, privately, with calm, neutral, intent.
• 12:15
  SPEAKER_00: What do you actually want to come or result from this?
• 12:20
  SPEAKER_00: Preparation.
• 12:21
  SPEAKER_00: What needs to be thought through in advance?
• 12:23
  SPEAKER_00: What do I need to do personally to ensure this goes as well as possible?
• 12:31
  SPEAKER_00: And conduct.
• 12:33
  SPEAKER_00: Who do you want to be in that moment?
• 12:37
  SPEAKER_00: How do you want to conduct yourself?
• 12:40
  SPEAKER_00: This one matters the most because people remember how you show up.
• 12:48
  SPEAKER_00: So let's look at staging in our new lens now.
• 12:53
  SPEAKER_00: Staging is not scheming, it is not being fake, it is not manipulation.
• 12:59
  SPEAKER_00: Staging is not being a puppet master.
• 13:02
  SPEAKER_00: It is, however, anticipating opportunity, thoughtful initiative, respectful preparation, intentional presence.
• 13:13
  SPEAKER_00: It is one of the most practical life skills you can develop.
• 13:19
  SPEAKER_00: Now, let me share my final thoughts on this subject.
• 13:22
  SPEAKER_00: You don't need to control everything.
• 13:25
  SPEAKER_00: You don't need to orchestrate every detail.
• 13:28
  SPEAKER_00: But if you begin to stage the moments that matter instead of waiting for them, you will see different and better outcomes, better conversations, stronger relationships, more opportunity, more clarity, more momentum.
• 13:44
  SPEAKER_00: Because many people spend their lives hoping for the right moment, while others take the time to create the conditions for one.
• 13:52
  SPEAKER_00: The next big moment in your life may not arrive on its own.
• 13:56
  SPEAKER_00: You may need to stage it.
• 13:59
  SPEAKER_00: And when you do, you know now how to stage it well.
• 14:02
  SPEAKER_00: And remember, simple formula, clarity, decision, action.
• 14:10
  SPEAKER_00: Thanks for being here.
• 14:12
  SPEAKER_00: This is the no cry zone.
• 14:14
  SPEAKER_00: Positive change that is doable and durable.
• 14:17
  SPEAKER_00: Join me at upwardsbest.com and Momentum GPS.
• 14:21
  SPEAKER_00: Go out and stage those big moments.
• 14:24
  SPEAKER_00: And now it's time again for Brazen Candor to take the stage.
• 14:36
  SPEAKER_05: Mondays means something that depends who you ask.
• 14:40
  SPEAKER_05: Don't get in the face of the taking attack.
• 14:44
  SPEAKER_05: Tuesday must matter.
• 14:49
  SPEAKER_05: Monday.