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What are Cyberstalking and Sextortion? · Stuff Mom Never Told You

0:05
Speaker 1: Hey, this is Annie and Samantha, and welcome to stuff
0:07
Speaker 1: I've ever told your protection of I Heart Radio. I
0:18
Speaker 1: have a very simple question for you today, Satanta. Do
0:23
Speaker 1: you put tape over your webcam? Uh? So I used
0:28
Speaker 1: to put post it notes over my webcam. The new
0:32
Speaker 1: computer I've got you actually have a little button and
0:34
Speaker 1: you could just slide over. Yeah, okay, yeah, so I
0:39
Speaker 1: do that is that kind of I mean, that's nice
0:42
Speaker 1: but also very telling of our times and what we're
0:44
Speaker 1: talking about today. I have tape over mine. I didn't
0:49
Speaker 1: have it for a while because I got a new laptop,
0:52
Speaker 1: but then I was researching this episode and in the
0:54
Speaker 1: middle of it, I went and found tape's earning for sure.
1:01
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, yeah? And was that being said? Today we
1:03
Speaker 1: are talking about cyber stalking and sex stortions, so trigger
1:06
Speaker 1: warning for um some abusive behaviors, some controlling behavior and
1:11
Speaker 1: stalking and yes, sexual abuse and domestic violence. Tat that
1:17
Speaker 1: in there. Uh. And this has been on my mind because,
1:20
Speaker 1: as I've spoken about on the show, I recently lost
1:22
Speaker 1: my phone and I did Samantha knows, I did all
1:25
Speaker 1: kinds of things to try to find it. I was like,
1:28
Speaker 1: text this thing to my phone, and I was doing
1:31
Speaker 1: the you know, Google Find my phone, and I was
1:35
Speaker 1: looking online because you know, everything was like it's easy
1:38
Speaker 1: to find your lost phone, but and it would say
1:40
Speaker 1: you have to installed installed this before you lost it.
1:42
Speaker 1: But while I was desperately searching for a way to
1:45
Speaker 1: find my phone, I ran across so many of these
1:51
Speaker 1: top Google search suggestions of things like how to spy
1:55
Speaker 1: on your wife, how to find out if your wife
1:58
Speaker 1: is cheating, so many apps to install secretly on someone's phone.
2:03
Speaker 1: And this is like within the first two pages of Google.
2:06
Speaker 1: When I'm like, I want to find my lost phone,
2:09
Speaker 1: this is what was coming up. And I have I've
2:12
Speaker 1: talked about it before, I know on an episode we
2:14
Speaker 1: did with Bridget about how this is a new genre
2:16
Speaker 1: of horror that really freaks me out, this whole kind
2:18
Speaker 1: of cyberstalking, spying thing. There's that whole really disturbing Black
2:24
Speaker 1: Mirror episode about it. For some reason, I'm reading a
2:27
Speaker 1: creepy fan fiction about it that really disturbs me. I
2:31
Speaker 1: wasn't and I didn't know that sory it was gonna go,
2:33
Speaker 1: but it did, and now I can't stop reading. So
2:35
Speaker 1: I don't know't do about that, and then I, I
2:38
Speaker 1: don't know if you do this, matho, but I talked
2:40
Speaker 1: to like the man that watches me as in like
2:44
Speaker 1: in theory this like government poor government, SAP. That is like, wow,
2:48
Speaker 1: she's reading more fan fiction. Did not do that. You
2:53
Speaker 1: don't talk to your the poor spy that society. But
2:57
Speaker 1: I have a dog to talk to, So okay, replaces that.
3:02
Speaker 1: I got it. And then I was thinking about this
3:05
Speaker 1: today because our company has some pretty big brother type policies.
3:10
Speaker 1: So hello, big brother company. Yeah. I used to have
3:12
Speaker 1: a friend who worked at a company in our building,
3:16
Speaker 1: and they had to put in a flash drive every
3:18
Speaker 1: time when they arrived to work so that the flash
3:20
Speaker 1: drive would record everything they every website, they did, every
3:24
Speaker 1: everything they did on the computer, and then they would
3:26
Speaker 1: take out the flash drive and turn it back in
3:28
Speaker 1: so they could look at what was on there. And
3:31
Speaker 1: it's just one of those things for that could be
3:34
Speaker 1: abused so easily. Yeah, especially the work they do. Could
3:38
Speaker 1: you imagine, Oh oh lord, we just talked about the
3:43
Speaker 1: fact like we had that virginity episode, We've had episode,
3:48
Speaker 1: we've had women who killed episodes. All of those are
3:52
Speaker 1: really concerting. If you just saw are you looking up nothing.
3:58
Speaker 1: I'm fine Q And on all of those things right right,
4:03
Speaker 1: we would we would raise some suspicions for sure. Well,
4:07
Speaker 1: I would also as a social worker go into like
4:09
Speaker 1: kids sites and look to make sure I can find
4:12
Speaker 1: people see if I can stop them, like I have
4:14
Speaker 1: to try to hunt them down, um and make sure
4:16
Speaker 1: they're okay. I had to go into kids sites when
4:19
Speaker 1: they would post like sexual explicit stuff like you have
4:22
Speaker 1: to take this down. This is you know, child porn
4:25
Speaker 1: stuff like that, so I, oh god, yeah, and talk
4:29
Speaker 1: about stalking. I try not to think about it too much.
4:32
Speaker 1: And I know it's like a running joke. And I
4:33
Speaker 1: even texted my friend and was like, if I die,
4:36
Speaker 1: you know, destroying my computer, destroying my search history and
4:40
Speaker 1: work stuff aside, I think people would be they would
4:42
Speaker 1: give me some wiggle room for that. But even like
4:46
Speaker 1: the stuff I do, isn't that people wouldn't be surprised
4:49
Speaker 1: if the fan fiction, like I don't know, but I
4:52
Speaker 1: still wanted. I was like, it's kind of like I
4:55
Speaker 1: have a setup, and like if I disappear, you go
4:57
Speaker 1: to these places, take these things and get rid of
4:59
Speaker 1: those things. Nothing is there anything bad. But I'm more embarrassed,
5:03
Speaker 1: right exactly. It's the embarrassment you're not there to defend yourselves.
5:08
Speaker 1: That's right. That's how I feel too, and it makes
5:10
Speaker 1: you sound so much shadier. We're not hiding anything else, No, no,
5:16
Speaker 1: definitely not. So. We have done past episodes on stocking.
5:20
Speaker 1: Check those out if you want to learn more. We
5:22
Speaker 1: did also discuss a lot of what we're gonna be
5:23
Speaker 1: talking about in our grimming episode and the recent episode
5:26
Speaker 1: we did with bridget about online harassment. All of that's
5:29
Speaker 1: kind of about play in this conversation. And then I
5:32
Speaker 1: did want to put this in here. Earlier in over
5:35
Speaker 1: thirty women sued the website porn Hub and their parent
5:38
Speaker 1: company mind Geek for operating as a quote, classic criminal
5:41
Speaker 1: enterprise and hosting and profiting from content that, according to them,
5:46
Speaker 1: is non consensual that may involve child pornography, sex trafficking,
5:50
Speaker 1: and rape and sexual assault. The lawsuit claims that the
5:53
Speaker 1: site and the company behind it allowed for the posting, incentivization,
5:57
Speaker 1: and monetization of this content. In the words of one
6:01
Speaker 1: of the attorneys representing the plaintiffs, the case is not
6:03
Speaker 1: about consensual porn or negligence. It's about a porn company's
6:07
Speaker 1: intentional election to include in their business model rape and
6:10
Speaker 1: other non consensual content. The lawsuit alleges that the company
6:15
Speaker 1: purchased bolt content from sex traffickers and hit it under
6:18
Speaker 1: Sheld Corporations. Some girls report being pressured by boyfriends to
6:22
Speaker 1: send videos of them undressing, which then got posted. So
6:26
Speaker 1: that is also a part of what we're going to
6:28
Speaker 1: be talking about. And this is a complicated situation that
6:31
Speaker 1: often gets oversimplified. Of course, any of this content they're
6:35
Speaker 1: talking about should get taken down, and porn Hub should
6:38
Speaker 1: be held accountable for the content they host. But at
6:40
Speaker 1: the same time, you do get conservative groups to crying
6:44
Speaker 1: porn in general. That muddies the whole thing. And we've
6:47
Speaker 1: talked about that before. We've you see that with like
6:49
Speaker 1: human on and all that stuff. But yeah, this is
6:53
Speaker 1: not exactly what we're talking about today, but we are
6:56
Speaker 1: talking about things that allow for stuff like this to happen, right,
7:00
Speaker 1: So let's get into the basics. What is cyber stalking.
7:04
Speaker 1: According to Marshall, cyberstalking refers to the use of the internet, email,
7:08
Speaker 1: or other telecommunication technologies to harass or stalk another person.
7:13
Speaker 1: It's not the mere annoyance of an unsolicited email. We
7:16
Speaker 1: get all of those. We know that it is methodical, deliberate,
7:18
Speaker 1: and persistent. The communication, whether from someone known or unknown,
7:22
Speaker 1: do not stop even after the recipient has asked the
7:25
Speaker 1: sender to cease all contacts and are often filled with
7:30
Speaker 1: inappropriate and sometimes really disturbing content. Cyber Stalking is an
7:34
Speaker 1: extension of the physical form of stalking. Yes, and it's
7:37
Speaker 1: related to sex storation, which is a term that first
7:39
Speaker 1: started popping up in Though it may have first appeared
7:43
Speaker 1: in nineteen fifty, the d J addressed it in two
7:46
Speaker 1: thousand and eleven, and the FBI cautioned about it in So.
7:50
Speaker 1: This is when someone threatens to release sensitive information, images
7:54
Speaker 1: or videos unless the target sends new pictures, performs a
7:58
Speaker 1: sexual favor, pay some some money, becomes a quote cam slave,
8:02
Speaker 1: things like that. Maybe a mixture of all those things. Um.
8:05
Speaker 1: Both of these uh. Cyberstalking and sextortion do more directly
8:10
Speaker 1: impact girls and women. Experts estimate that the number of
8:14
Speaker 1: people affected by cyberstalking is in the tens of thousands,
8:18
Speaker 1: but could be in the hundreds of thousands. In there
8:22
Speaker 1: were sixteen thousand, nine and seventy four complaints of cyberstalking
8:26
Speaker 1: filed with the FBI, only sixteen were prosecuted. The FBI
8:31
Speaker 1: has reported a recent uptick in cases that fall under
8:34
Speaker 1: federal cyberstalking laws, although that's kind of complicated. There's no
8:39
Speaker 1: real federal cyberstalking law. We'll get into that. There are
8:41
Speaker 1: things that it falls under. The head of the Homeland
8:44
Speaker 1: Security Investigations here in Atlanta said when asked about this,
8:47
Speaker 1: predators used to stop playgrounds. This is the new playground, right.
8:51
Speaker 1: I think one of the biggest problems that we've talked
8:53
Speaker 1: about this before is that the laws cannot keep up
8:56
Speaker 1: with technology, right, something that probably can do that. So
9:01
Speaker 1: while we often think of women being the victims of
9:03
Speaker 1: sex stortion, men and boys are not immune. They may
9:07
Speaker 1: be enticed into performing sex acts in front of webcams
9:10
Speaker 1: with an attractive woman who may herself be coerced, unaware
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Speaker 1: they're being recorded, and they are all then threatened with
9:17
Speaker 1: this release of the footage and often very often shane
9:21
Speaker 1: for it and guilted into it, and this has in
9:24
Speaker 1: some cases lead to suicide. We know some teen deaths
9:27
Speaker 1: because of this. In some cases, male perpetrators have impersonated
9:32
Speaker 1: significant others to trick women and to sending them sexual videos. Yes,
9:37
Speaker 1: and many perpetrators target women and girls who are expiring
9:40
Speaker 1: actors and models under the guise of offering them a role.
9:44
Speaker 1: Others would pose as celebrities, such as Justin Bieber, to
9:47
Speaker 1: demand nude pictures from young girls. Sometimes, um they edit
9:52
Speaker 1: the material to look as though they posted compromising images
9:55
Speaker 1: or videos to porn site, so they'll make it look
9:58
Speaker 1: like they did. Maybe they actually didn't, but they'll send
10:00
Speaker 1: you something that makes you think that they did. And
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Speaker 1: many people who perpetrate these acts report that it is
10:05
Speaker 1: all about power of feeling like you are controlling someone
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Speaker 1: and it's really heartbreaking to read, like the text exchanges
10:13
Speaker 1: of you know, a young girl being like you're ruining
10:15
Speaker 1: my life, please stop, and they're like no, why, really
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Speaker 1: really heartbreaking And yeah, as an actor, I've seen this,
10:23
Speaker 1: and our agent will send out messages and be like,
10:26
Speaker 1: if you get the message from this guy, he has
10:29
Speaker 1: nothing to do with anything in movie or film. He's
10:32
Speaker 1: just asking for pictures of people and that's just a
10:35
Speaker 1: part of our business. That's like a message that goes
10:37
Speaker 1: out to two people in an occupation. It's just odd.
10:43
Speaker 1: Cyber bullying is a part of this conversation too, and
10:46
Speaker 1: some argue that cyber stalking is a form of cyber bullying.
10:52
Speaker 1: So a lot of times when you look up cyberstalking,
10:54
Speaker 1: you'll you'll end up in cyber bullying websites that have
10:57
Speaker 1: kind of a little section about cyberstalking. I do think
11:00
Speaker 1: it is well, it's not like new, it's newer in
11:03
Speaker 1: terms of people really trying to combat it or think
11:07
Speaker 1: about how we can protect ourselves from it, and how
11:11
Speaker 1: big of an issue that it is. Right, So we
11:14
Speaker 1: do have some more numbers and specifics for you, but
11:18
Speaker 1: first we had a quick break for word from our
11:20
Speaker 1: sponsor and we're back, Thank you sponsored. So, just like stalking,
11:37
Speaker 1: cyberstalking is usually perpetrated by someone the victim knows co workers, exs,
11:42
Speaker 1: significant others, and friends. However, like I was saying before,
11:46
Speaker 1: this is still kind of new, especially in terms of
11:48
Speaker 1: data collection, and so some places say that kind of
11:51
Speaker 1: the opposite thing, Um, where it's somebody who has this
11:56
Speaker 1: like freedom of the internet, can do it from wherever.
12:00
Speaker 1: It makes sense to me that it would be someone
12:01
Speaker 1: you know, but also makes sense that it would be
12:03
Speaker 1: somebody who's just looking for someone to target. Women aged
12:09
Speaker 1: between eighteen to thirty are the most common targets. Once that,
12:12
Speaker 1: he found that sextortion in particular victimizes children under eighteen
12:17
Speaker 1: at all rate of seventy one compared to stalking. Some
12:22
Speaker 1: experts argue that because of things like the lack of obstacles,
12:26
Speaker 1: instant gratification, lack of need to be in the same
12:29
Speaker 1: geographic location, and difficulty to prosecute, cyberstalking is more common
12:33
Speaker 1: and more attractive for perpetrators. Sex tortionists are almost all male,
12:40
Speaker 1: many are repeat offenders. Most do not adhere to the
12:44
Speaker 1: conditions of their sextortion. So if they say send me
12:46
Speaker 1: this and then I'll give you whatever back, most of
12:50
Speaker 1: them don't. As I learned when looking online about how
12:53
Speaker 1: to find a lost phone, there are so many apps
12:55
Speaker 1: out there that can be used it's buy on people,
12:57
Speaker 1: and their functionalities are terrifying, like vocation tracking, remote use
13:01
Speaker 1: of camera. There's also a bunch of apps that quote
13:04
Speaker 1: guarantee to put a stop to cyberstalking for a price,
13:08
Speaker 1: which I can't speak to whether or not they work
13:11
Speaker 1: or not, But I find that really infuriating that you
13:13
Speaker 1: could be in a terrifying situation and it's you're desperate
13:17
Speaker 1: and you go and are like, Okay, a hundred dollars
13:19
Speaker 1: will just fix this, and then might not fix it right.
13:23
Speaker 1: And that's kind of the same thing with identity fraud,
13:25
Speaker 1: when we have these major corporations who have decided to
13:27
Speaker 1: take advantage of it, like pay us a monthly fee
13:30
Speaker 1: and we'll write maybe if not, we'll help you get
13:33
Speaker 1: it back. Maybe we'll try. But I think that's also
13:37
Speaker 1: a thing. And I know also out there within the
13:40
Speaker 1: dark web there are white knights, I believe, who try
13:43
Speaker 1: to come in and infiltrate systems to let people be aware.
13:47
Speaker 1: So we had that situation of the dude who had
13:49
Speaker 1: a camera, a ring camera, and they actually started talking
13:53
Speaker 1: to each other. He was like, hey, your numbers listed
13:56
Speaker 1: on the web. They can get you real quick. And
13:58
Speaker 1: they had this things like what's like change the path
14:00
Speaker 1: started right now. So there's definitely that too, being a
14:03
Speaker 1: little more rare, still just as creepy maybe, but I
14:07
Speaker 1: guess yeah, yeah, Okay, So speaking of creepy, imagine you
14:17
Speaker 1: have a friend, our partner that knows your pen to
14:19
Speaker 1: your phone, you leave the room for something, they could
14:22
Speaker 1: easily change settings in your phone and saw a hidden
14:25
Speaker 1: spywear app things like that. Sometimes these apps are called
14:28
Speaker 1: spousewear or stalker, where these apps are usually specifically marketed
14:34
Speaker 1: as a way to track your spouse and catch some
14:37
Speaker 1: cheating like they're not even hiding. Others called dual use
14:41
Speaker 1: apps are not intended to be used for cyper stalking,
14:44
Speaker 1: but can be things like the I Lost my Phone app,
14:48
Speaker 1: or apps used to keep track of where your kids
14:50
Speaker 1: are or something like find my Friends can be modified
14:54
Speaker 1: to track someone without their knowledge. Google and Apple claim
14:58
Speaker 1: to have consulted to me stick violence groups to address
15:01
Speaker 1: these concerns, but most of their advice still requires that
15:04
Speaker 1: you are the verily suspicious and aware of the ins
15:08
Speaker 1: and outs of technology, So you would still have to
15:10
Speaker 1: have some level of I don't trust my friend or
15:14
Speaker 1: spouse or whatever right, which a lot of people don't
15:16
Speaker 1: necessarily have. Because when I was looking this up, and
15:19
Speaker 1: I consider myself pretty technologically savvy, I was like, wait,
15:27
Speaker 1: this is terrifying, right. So, one NPR survey of eighty
15:30
Speaker 1: two domestic violence shelters found that eight of them had
15:33
Speaker 1: to help people with whose partners used GPS to track
15:37
Speaker 1: their movements. And by the way, we've also seen cases
15:40
Speaker 1: murder cases to quick kidnapping cases, any hype of cases
15:43
Speaker 1: where detectives and law enforcement actually use this as well.
15:47
Speaker 1: They tracked I remember that was one case. They tracked
15:50
Speaker 1: a watch, a fitness watch for a righte case, and
15:53
Speaker 1: there was a whole back and forth about is this
15:55
Speaker 1: changing people's rights? Is constitutionally okay? Yeah, but just you
16:00
Speaker 1: and I have one of these. I have a fitness watch,
16:02
Speaker 1: but it definitely locates your GPS and it also shows
16:06
Speaker 1: what you're doing sort of kind of tailed by the monitoring,
16:09
Speaker 1: really creepy, but I use it and then dealt with
16:13
Speaker 1: partners who spied on them with apps. And many of
16:16
Speaker 1: these shelters have a digital detox center. And if you've
16:19
Speaker 1: ever seen a spy movie, you know you gotta get
16:22
Speaker 1: your phone. You'll get your GPS. Yeah. So a lot
16:25
Speaker 1: of these domestic violence shelters provide like a what we
16:28
Speaker 1: would call like a brick phone. Essentially, all it does
16:32
Speaker 1: is call and that is it. So this this MPR
16:36
Speaker 1: study also profiled an app called m spy for about
16:40
Speaker 1: seventy dollars a month. This app instructure you how to
16:42
Speaker 1: install it and then hide any trace of it, even
16:45
Speaker 1: with a verified symbol next to it, making it look legit.
16:49
Speaker 1: It monitors text messages, callogus, call recordings, pictures, videos, every
16:54
Speaker 1: website visited, every key tight. This allows people to figure
16:59
Speaker 1: out people's you, their names, and passwords. It could be
17:02
Speaker 1: used to block phone numbers, further isolating the victim, and
17:06
Speaker 1: location tracking all on top of that. But one of
17:09
Speaker 1: the scariest things is the eaves drop function. When someone calls,
17:13
Speaker 1: whether you answer or not, the speaker phone is activated
17:16
Speaker 1: and recording starts. So someone who gets like probably twenties
17:20
Speaker 1: spam calls a day, that would be a lot, a
17:24
Speaker 1: lot of eavesdropping that could happen to me. Right, So,
17:27
Speaker 1: most but not all, states have laws against cyber stalking,
17:31
Speaker 1: and it's recent and those that don't usually they'll prosecute
17:35
Speaker 1: cyber stalking under harassment or stalking laws. There isn't a
17:39
Speaker 1: federal law against cyber stalking, but there is one that
17:42
Speaker 1: covers it. So so many loopholes. However, many officials aren't
17:47
Speaker 1: fully up to date on the ways people can be
17:49
Speaker 1: harassed and victimized using technology. We know this, many of
17:52
Speaker 1: them don't even understand the technology. Many of them don't
17:55
Speaker 1: believe this technology right, which makes this whole thing super difficult. Uh,
18:00
Speaker 1: many law enforcement officers don't have the resources, even though
18:03
Speaker 1: they get millions of dollars, they have lots of weapons.
18:07
Speaker 1: Just all that. Some outlets have pointed out, the prosecution
18:10
Speaker 1: is frequently quite lenient and they are even no matter what,
18:14
Speaker 1: and we've seen them in way too many cases when
18:17
Speaker 1: it comes to bullying. They don't even have that on
18:20
Speaker 1: record for face to face bullying, So having it on
18:24
Speaker 1: an internet text doesn't worry, especially when you start talking
18:28
Speaker 1: about the First Amendment, which is completely misinterpreted for this specifically. Yeah,
18:34
Speaker 1: and and there are so many case studies are examples
18:37
Speaker 1: that were given in researching this, and I know we've
18:40
Speaker 1: talked about them before, but where women would you know,
18:43
Speaker 1: be like, I'm being cyber's doctor, this is what's happening
18:46
Speaker 1: to me, And they would have to explain the technology,
18:49
Speaker 1: like they would have to do this whole extra step,
18:51
Speaker 1: and then kind of having yet this amus like are
18:54
Speaker 1: you sure this is athic response? Can't you just delete it? Yeah?
18:59
Speaker 1: And this isn't in fluid the victim blaming that is
19:02
Speaker 1: associated with all of this, So immediately, if you have
19:05
Speaker 1: a sexy picture, you can credibility goes out the window. Yeah. Yeah,
19:10
Speaker 1: So the technology available and the level of data collection
19:13
Speaker 1: that happens on the Internet just at large has played
19:16
Speaker 1: into these high numbers of cyberstalking that are yes, continuously
19:20
Speaker 1: going up. So on top of all the things we've
19:23
Speaker 1: talked about with phone, there's also cyberstalking online and that
19:26
Speaker 1: that can involve similar thingies like tracking online and selling
19:29
Speaker 1: tracking apps on someone's laptop, and also yeah, access to cameras,
19:34
Speaker 1: sending unsolicited or threatening messages, overwhelming a target of cyberstalkings,
19:38
Speaker 1: chat channels with messages, starting online rumors, or sharing videos
19:42
Speaker 1: or pictures edited or not without consent, like revenge porn, blackmailing,
19:47
Speaker 1: setting up websites that host stories that may be true
19:50
Speaker 1: are not about the person breaking into online accounts to
19:54
Speaker 1: pose as a person and ruin their reputation, spy where
19:58
Speaker 1: um oh, and even like hidden cameras in people's homes
20:02
Speaker 1: with some audio capabilities. Things like that. All of this
20:05
Speaker 1: usually takes place over time, and it is a very
20:08
Speaker 1: very scary experience that is yes, often dismissed. Cyberstalking can
20:13
Speaker 1: result in negative outcomes like trouble sleeping, hyper vigilance, nightmares,
20:17
Speaker 1: high levels of stress, trouble eating, feelings of loss of
20:20
Speaker 1: control and safety, feelings of helplessness, fear and isolation, things
20:25
Speaker 1: like that. Yeah, there's so many things. So online dating
20:29
Speaker 1: has also played into this, which sucks because a part
20:32
Speaker 1: of dating could be sending sexy backs, messages, are videos.
20:36
Speaker 1: I've never done that. Part of this is because I
20:39
Speaker 1: worked in social worka I knew what was happening. But
20:42
Speaker 1: and since at least of the US is fifty four
20:45
Speaker 1: million single people have tried online dating, there's a lot
20:49
Speaker 1: for would be cyber stokers to mind from. And thanks
20:52
Speaker 1: to the fact we're constantly tied to our phone just
20:54
Speaker 1: I am, computers and other technology, there are so many
20:58
Speaker 1: avenues for us to be victim mind and again turn
21:01
Speaker 1: things but depend on into sources of fear and harassment.
21:04
Speaker 1: And yeah, when it's on, when they have one picture,
21:08
Speaker 1: it doesn't even matter, it can be there for it's
21:10
Speaker 1: there forever. Like I remember having to show a kid
21:13
Speaker 1: who had been sending pics of herself to a boy,
21:17
Speaker 1: which I was like, this is a huge sake, is
21:19
Speaker 1: gonna come back by you if you're not careful. And
21:21
Speaker 1: also the fact that you're sending a picture of yourself.
21:23
Speaker 1: It can actually be considered child porn other story, but
21:27
Speaker 1: having to show her that I could go back and
21:28
Speaker 1: pull it up for her and she was kind of like, oh,
21:32
Speaker 1: so definitely it doesn't disappear. Yeah, um, And and it
21:38
Speaker 1: is really really unfortunate because if we're not looking to
21:41
Speaker 1: fear monger or anything, just something you should be aware of.
21:46
Speaker 1: And it sucks. It does because you shouldn't have to
21:49
Speaker 1: worry about that. If you're dating online and you do
21:51
Speaker 1: want to send the singing picture, it is extremely unfortunate
21:55
Speaker 1: that that is something we have to worry about. And yeah,
21:58
Speaker 1: a lot of people, especially people who were like got
22:02
Speaker 1: the flooded of channels or whatever, they would just talk
22:06
Speaker 1: about how like every notification they'd get on their phone
22:08
Speaker 1: would just send this fear fear through them. And it
22:12
Speaker 1: is something we depend on. It is something that a
22:14
Speaker 1: lot of us used for all kinds of like fun things,
22:18
Speaker 1: so to have it turned into that. So some experts
22:22
Speaker 1: breakdown cyberstalking into types. One of the most common is
22:25
Speaker 1: email cyberstalking. This can involve trying to fix a relationship,
22:30
Speaker 1: start a relationship, threatening or traumatizing through unsolicited messages sending
22:34
Speaker 1: viruses or flooding someone's inbox. Um. Then there's internet cyberstalking
22:40
Speaker 1: with the goal of slandering are threatening the victim. This
22:44
Speaker 1: can involve breaking into accounts, spoofing, sending pornographic images, and
22:48
Speaker 1: using spyware. Doxing can fall under this to posting private information,
22:53
Speaker 1: posing as the victim and asking strangers for sexual activity,
22:58
Speaker 1: or building entire websites yes, with the intent of inviting
23:01
Speaker 1: strangers to degrade and her ask the victim. Victims have
23:04
Speaker 1: reported strangers showing up at their door a place of
23:07
Speaker 1: expecting sex. In one case, over one thousand people showed
23:12
Speaker 1: up at his home. But then there are computer cyber stalkers,
23:16
Speaker 1: stalkers who control the victims computer, which is also terrifying.
23:24
Speaker 1: Also terrifying. UM, So we do have some some advice,
23:28
Speaker 1: but first we're gonna pause for one more gup for
23:30
Speaker 1: a word fromer sponsor and we're back. Thank you sponsor. So,
23:48
Speaker 1: if you suspect or have confirmed you are the target
23:50
Speaker 1: of cyberstalking, organizations have some steps and advice to take,
23:54
Speaker 1: which is further complicated because a lot of it's online.
23:58
Speaker 1: So again, if you have already looked this up, it
24:01
Speaker 1: can be something frightening or perhaps not even possible on
24:05
Speaker 1: your home devices. Here's what Marshall recommends. Trust your instincts
24:09
Speaker 1: and exercise caution if you have an abuser who is
24:11
Speaker 1: good with technology, So if you notice things like difficulty
24:15
Speaker 1: turning off phone, or if it takes longer than normal
24:17
Speaker 1: and unexplained increase in your data bill and increase in
24:21
Speaker 1: battery changage, it could be a spyware app. Experts also
24:25
Speaker 1: suggest checking to see if your phone is rooted or
24:28
Speaker 1: jail broken. Backing up your phone is also a good idea.
24:32
Speaker 1: All of this is with the caveat that a salcer
24:34
Speaker 1: abuser may be able to see what you're doing, so
24:36
Speaker 1: you have to take that into account and make sure
24:40
Speaker 1: you're doing what is best for you and your particular situation.
24:44
Speaker 1: On the security questions, don't answer with something guessable, answer
24:47
Speaker 1: with something weird. I've been doing this for years. Works
24:49
Speaker 1: for me as far as I know right, have a
24:54
Speaker 1: safety plan in place. Organizations like RAIN or the National
24:58
Speaker 1: Sexual Assault Hotline can help with this, and some have
25:01
Speaker 1: quick clothes features for laptops. I know. There's been a
25:03
Speaker 1: lot of features that allow for that, and also features
25:06
Speaker 1: that could ask for help, but it looks like you're
25:08
Speaker 1: talking to a friend. You can also seek out a
25:10
Speaker 1: safer computer at a public place if you think yours
25:13
Speaker 1: might be compromised. Um, and this is an option for you. Yeah,
25:18
Speaker 1: create new email accounts. Look at the settings in your phone,
25:21
Speaker 1: stuff like security, GPS, changing passwords and pin numbers. When
25:25
Speaker 1: I lost my phone that it was like, over several days,
25:29
Speaker 1: I kept thinking of other things I had to change
25:31
Speaker 1: my password on, Like oh yeah, that one too. Oh yeah,
25:34
Speaker 1: so yeah. Use a corded phone for a more private conversation. Again,
25:40
Speaker 1: if this is something you have access to, um baby,
25:42
Speaker 1: monitors can be listening in on as well. UM get
25:45
Speaker 1: a new or donated phone. Some crisis centers, like we said,
25:48
Speaker 1: provide these if possible. Learn more about policies of agencies
25:52
Speaker 1: and companies when it comes to publishing online data. We
25:56
Speaker 1: talked about options like delete me in a recent episode
25:58
Speaker 1: with Bridget that can help you find and delete public information.
26:02
Speaker 1: Get a private mailbox for communications you want to keep private,
26:06
Speaker 1: and covering your webcam with h as any does removable tape.
26:10
Speaker 1: If yours doesn't have the picture that allows you to
26:13
Speaker 1: just shut it off, just slide it on over. Yeah. Um,
26:16
Speaker 1: they also recommended things like using a gender neutral password,
26:20
Speaker 1: never giving out your password. So I know a lot
26:22
Speaker 1: of us are guilty of never giving out personal information
26:25
Speaker 1: to a site or online entity you don't trust. And
26:28
Speaker 1: if you have children, instruct them on these security measures
26:31
Speaker 1: to um, don't respond to an email from an unknown person,
26:34
Speaker 1: regularly search your name to see what it comes up.
26:36
Speaker 1: That takes a lot of courage, I know. But on
26:42
Speaker 1: top of that, most organizations suggest keeping an incident log
26:45
Speaker 1: of any communications with the cyber stalker. And yes, having
26:48
Speaker 1: these conversations with children so they know how to stay
26:51
Speaker 1: safe online, and something else that could help that. We
26:54
Speaker 1: talked about a lot more data right now. The situation
26:57
Speaker 1: is seriously understudied and misunderstood. Like as I was saying,
27:02
Speaker 1: as we were going through this, I saw conflicting things
27:05
Speaker 1: all over the first Yeah, I mean when it comes
27:10
Speaker 1: to an anemone and the internet, it gives a lot
27:13
Speaker 1: of free access and stuff like swatting does a whole
27:16
Speaker 1: different level when you come to like Twitch and all
27:18
Speaker 1: those things. And yeah, that's the other part is there's
27:20
Speaker 1: more and more technology, things like Amazon on their legs,
27:23
Speaker 1: I doing the sidewalk feature but that immediate was like nope,
27:26
Speaker 1: because it shows for some reason wants you to share
27:30
Speaker 1: with the strangers, and I feel like, hey, Amazon, that's dumb. Dumb.
27:35
Speaker 1: Also things like Google, who have been accused repeatedly of
27:39
Speaker 1: data mining, as well as having companies that are all
27:43
Speaker 1: the time hacked, all of the credit card companies, all
27:47
Speaker 1: of the credit overseeing companies, like they get all that
27:50
Speaker 1: information and identities being sold because they have features like that.
27:54
Speaker 1: We're not even talking about that as part of the
27:57
Speaker 1: sobberstalking because yeah, that's easily accessible. We've known for a
28:01
Speaker 1: long time if you go to white Pages and you
28:03
Speaker 1: want to pay some money, you can get complete access
28:06
Speaker 1: to home phone number address. You just have to pay
28:09
Speaker 1: ten dollars a subscription, which is really really absurd and
28:13
Speaker 1: quite quite alarming as in fact, so that doesn't even
28:17
Speaker 1: include any of that. We're talking more about the personal level.
28:20
Speaker 1: But when it comes to and we've talked about this
28:22
Speaker 1: with bridget corporate responsibility and no one really really actually
28:28
Speaker 1: dealing with that, that's a whole different conversation. It is.
28:32
Speaker 1: It's it's another one of those things where so much
28:34
Speaker 1: of the advice for giving in this is basically putting
28:38
Speaker 1: the impetus on you and the responsibility on you to
28:41
Speaker 1: be vigilant when you shouldn't have to be so concerned
28:45
Speaker 1: that a company that you use got hacked right now, right,
28:51
Speaker 1: and yeah, we shouldn't have to pay extra money for
28:53
Speaker 1: buying a service that should have been already included in
28:56
Speaker 1: the service that we're paying for, right just little self,
29:01
Speaker 1: do this a little poppy well, listeners, As always, we
29:08
Speaker 1: would love to hear from you. You can email us
29:11
Speaker 1: at Steffie your mom Stuff, I hurt me dot com.
29:13
Speaker 1: You can find us on Instagram at steff I Never
29:15
Speaker 1: Told You, are on Twitter at mom Stuff Podcast. Thanks
29:18
Speaker 1: as always to our super producer Christina, Thank you, and
29:21
Speaker 1: thanks to you for listening Stuff I Never Told You
29:24
Speaker 1: production if I high Radio for more podcast and I
29:25
Speaker 1: Hear Radio via Hear Radio app, Apple podcast, or wherever
29:28
Speaker 1: you listen to your favorite shows.