Latest / Soul Salon with Ayandastood / 32: you are irreducible: why you are an infinite, interconnected, cosmic being and cannot be reduced to ANYTHING

Transcript

32: you are irreducible: why you are an infinite, interconnected, cosmic being and cannot be reduced to ANYTHING · Soul Salon with Ayandastood

0:00
You take this stardust being, you put these glass objects
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in front of them, whether that be mirrors or selfie cameras
0:06
or whatever, and you say to them,
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okay, take this magnificent being who had,
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I think it's less than 400 trillion chance of survival.
0:13
And make them say, oh, I look so ugly,
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I don't deserve to go outside today.
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Oh, look at my skin, I'm so disgusting.
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Why don't I have the career I want?
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How is it that she or they have this and I don't, right?
0:27
You take this majestical being,
0:29
you force them into the opposite of a majestical reality.
0:33
We become reduced to what society wants us to think of ourselves,
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because as long as we carry shame within ourselves,
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we are less likely to demand anything
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from the social structures that surround us.
0:45
They want us to equate our worth
0:47
and our very existence to our productivity,
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to our income, to our social standing,
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to the way we're able to conform to toxic beauty standards,
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to our social media following, to our social status,
0:59
to the job we have, to how famous we are, you know what I mean?
1:02
So because then they can reproduce the society.
1:06
So we are the ones who then, of course, suffer
1:08
because in our being, we feel we are deficient.
1:11
We literally cannot go a day without thinking,
1:13
I'm unworthy, I'm not enough.
1:16
I literally don't deserve good things to come to me.
1:19
You know, I'm lack-manifested, instead of,
1:21
I'm abundance-manifested, I am love, I am divine,
1:24
I am a cosmic being, I am a star-dust being.
1:29
I am more complex and more deep than I could ever fully comprehend.
1:32
I affect people in ways I could never comprehend.
1:35
Hello sunshine and welcome back to paradigm shift
1:38
with I understood, a place where we reframe what is
1:42
and reimagine what could be.
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I hope you enjoy today's episode.
1:46
Let's paradigm shift together.
1:48
Some weeks I ask myself, what is the most loving episode
1:52
that I could bring to you this week?
1:55
And it always seems like such a divine and precious
2:00
and beautiful approach to me creating this podcast
2:04
because I feel like the love dimension
2:06
and the understanding of reality as a manifestation of love,
2:11
either the lack thereof or the expression of it
2:14
is something that has really spoken to me in recent years
2:18
and something that I feel very cool to
2:20
is how can I be a manifestation of love on this planet?
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And that is a purpose that so many people do
2:28
can and must take up in order for us to bridge ourselves
2:32
into a world that's rooted in love,
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a world that is the soil from which that world would grow.
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And if that were the soil of our existence,
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the ground from which we created,
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being relating, seeing, creating, we would live
2:50
in a completely different world.
2:52
And we would see many more manifestations of love
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as normal and normalizing our society.
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In the society we live in, it is very rooted in ideals
3:03
that have come from the colonizer
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and have come from capitalism ever since
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and white supremacy and anti-blackness and anti-fatness
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and all of these manifestations of hierarchy,
3:14
of supremacy, of dominating, one group dominating
3:18
over the other imperialism and all of these things.
3:21
And so what will we see from that?
3:23
Pain, loneliness, shame, never feeling worthy,
3:27
never feeling enough, and that is the exact pain
3:31
that I wanted to speak to on this episode.
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And what I wanted to remind you,
3:35
what I wanted to bring you into a deeper knowing about
3:43
and tap into that part of you that already knows this
3:45
and bring more texture to that and more feeling to that
3:49
is the idea that you are irreducible.
3:54
You cannot be reduced to anything.
3:56
You cannot be reduced to what the society has defined
4:00
as what is deficient in you.
4:02
You cannot be reduced to your social standing
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or to your career or to your wealth or to your income
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or to how you conform to beauty standards.
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And I know even saying these words,
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there's a kind of emptiness that you may receive
4:15
from them because that's not the world we actually live in.
4:19
We live in a world where you are reduced to those things.
4:22
People will treat you completely differently
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based on your conformance to the Eurocentric beauty standard,
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based on your ability, based on your skin color
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and all of these things.
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And so we are surrounded by people who do reduce us constantly.
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And because we are social beings
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and we are also beings who are meant to exist
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within a cultural and social framework,
4:44
we internalize that messaging very deeply.
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And then it becomes very impossible to create a self-concept
4:50
that counters that understanding
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because it creates a kind of conflict.
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Even as we tell ourselves on the side of the internet,
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I'm not what I create, I'm not what I produce,
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I'm not how I look according to this beauty standard,
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I don't even know how I look
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because in a different world,
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I wouldn't judge myself beautiful or ugly
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based on this filter that I receive my image through
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because hopefully there would be no filter
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or there would be an entirely different filter,
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but hopefully there'd be no filter
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and hopefully how I looked would not be
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how I'm received by other members of the collective.
5:24
Hopefully my divinity would be recognized.
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Hopefully my cosmic identity as a star dust being
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who is profound and who is powerful
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in the most precious way,
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powerful in the sense that they can choose to be love,
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they can choose to create magic,
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they can choose to relate to others in such a way
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that healing becomes the norm of the society.
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So essentially what I'm trying to say
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or what I am saying is I know that it can sound
5:53
or it can come across as not rooted in the reality
5:58
with force to live when we say these things,
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but we have to bring a new world into being
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by recognizing the possibility of it
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in our current state of being.
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So today I wanna invite you into seeing the ways
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that you reduce yourself
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because the society reduces you
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and then makes you reduce yourself
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and invite you into a different understanding of yourself
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as something that cannot be reduced.
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And what I want to say that is a little bit uncomfortable
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but the other side of this phenomenon,
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like it's the same problem, it's just the other face of it,
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is you cannot be reduced to your successes.
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You cannot be reduced to your victories, quote unquote.
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You cannot be reduced even to the dreams
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that you manifested that became real,
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that you are so proud of.
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Because once we get into that place,
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once we say, okay, I am my quote unquote successes,
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I am my victories, I am the things that I called into being
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that are now present in my reality.
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We face the corollary of that or the implication of that
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which is that when I am not succeeding,
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when I am not quote unquote winning
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and life is not a game or life is not a competition
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rather let me say,
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we are, I will do an episode on games
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because it really fascinates me because sometimes
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I hear people say life is a game and I'm like,
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oh, that's a trivialization of life
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but then I'm like, is that a trivialization of games?
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And I just want to dive into that
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because I'm so fascinated by how deep a game can be
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and I don't know if you are familiar
7:24
with the concept of infinite games
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and the idea that life can be thought of.
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There are certain realms of existence in our lives
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that can be thought of as an infinite game.
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I'm gonna do another episode on that,
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not anytime soon but one day.
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Anyway, it's going back to what I was saying.
7:43
The other face of equating your worth to your successes
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is that when the going is against you
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and for some people it's always been,
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you then equate your worth to your quote unquote failures
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to what is deemed a failure within you.
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So you cannot have one without the other.
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So when I say you are irreducible,
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I also want you to know you cannot reduce yourself
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to the things that you are proud of yourself
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or doing to the things that other people are proud of you
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for doing to the things that you like
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but like you are much more than any one of these characteristics
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undertakings or traits.
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And I want to give you an example
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of how this shows up for me.
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So when you are in the social media space,
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obviously it's very, very, what's the word?
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It's impossible to not let the numbers of it affect you
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and it's by design, right?
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They want to appeal the technology industry,
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wants to appeal to that deep part of you
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that craves social approval
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and then they want to gamify that
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and basically get you to use yourself against yourself
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as they use you against you.
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So in the social media space, you are quantified.
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You are said, okay, this is how many followers you have,
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this is how many comments your video got,
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this is how many views your video got,
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this is how fast you're growing,
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this is how many followers you lost,
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this is how many paid subscribers you lost.
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So you are constantly being quantified.
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And so on this topic specifically,
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I do not, I try to not let myself overly internalize
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positive feedback I receive on TikTok,
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on YouTube, on my podcast,
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even though it makes me feel really good,
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what I remind myself is if I too strongly cling
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to the good, then I can't fully reject the bad either.
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You can't say, oh, I'm only the good comments I receive.
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If I receive a negative comment, that's not me,
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that's just the haters.
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It's like you can't have the one without the other.
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If you come to crave the praise,
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you will die by the criticism
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because you have so strongly clung your identity
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to what people are saying about you.
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And what I remind myself is I cannot be counted.
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I cannot be measured.
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There is no way to take a being, literally a being
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that comes from a lineage that has millions
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or even billions of cells conspiring to keep them alive
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within their body,
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even if those cells are fighting against the body
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are profound, complex, ecosystem.
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The cells that form organs,
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the organs that form parts of the body,
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then the body as a whole, it's literally like magic.
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To the extent that tons of people have studied the human body
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and they still don't fully understand,
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the complete complexity, magic and mystery
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of the human existence.
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And that's just as one.
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Now we think of of each other,
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how we affect each other, how we are each other,
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and you see, wow, I cannot be counted.
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I cannot be measured.
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That is the colonizer's way.
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They want to say this amount of money,
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this amount of followers, this amount of time.
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They are the ones who imposed a rigid structure
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on our very existence because we are time.
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We don't exist in time.
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We literally like all time in a sense.
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In the sense that we are existing in through
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and because of, like we experience life,
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because we are time, I am a little,
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okay, I'm an intersection of time and space.
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Okay, let me not get into that
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because clearly it's bigger than me right now.
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And that's okay because that is all.
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When you look at an idea and you think,
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wow, that's a big idea.
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That's a profound idea.
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I'm gonna put it onto the table for a second
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and come back to it another day.
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But essentially, even if I lose all my followers tomorrow,
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yes, I'll be very sad, but I also know
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I can't reduce myself to what this technology platform
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wants me to conceive of myself as,
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which is just a number and an algorithm
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that is hell bent on making that number go up.
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So that's an example because the self
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has an inner way been co-opted so that we conceive
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of ourselves in the terms, the language
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and the understanding of the status quo.
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So, we can't be reduced to either our mistakes,
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our errors if you betrayed someone
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and you feel so much shame.
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If you are dealing with loneliness of a profound kind,
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you feel alone and isolated in a room full of people,
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you feel no one truly sees you.
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You try to offer a bit of connection,
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a bid, like a bid for connection.
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I believe whenever someone tells you something,
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they are bidding for connection with you.
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They're saying, here's a little piece of information.
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I want to connect with you.
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And you, as the listener,
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are either going to make them feel like they made a mistake
12:30
or like that was the most beautiful action
12:32
they could have taken in that moment.
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And that is why listening is a sacred and divine practice
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because it is the way that we connect to one another,
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but it is also the way that we are able
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to be seen and recognized in a way
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that I think we all deeply crave.
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And yet we have a complete lack of good listening
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in our society.
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We're wondering around in this conversation,
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that's like what we want to do because we all wonder is.
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You know when you go for a walk,
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you're not just like on the path.
13:01
You are like, ooh, there's a flower.
13:03
Interesting, let's sit with it for a second.
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Ooh, that's a tree I didn't recognize before.
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That's how I feel about thinking and breathing out loud
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is that I'm taking you on this journey.
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And we're just gonna let the things that come up come up
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and I have a little voice in my head
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that's saying you're getting distracted.
13:18
That's saying stay on the topic
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because you want to deliver what the topic says.
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Why?
13:23
Because it's make content not art, right?
13:24
It should be make art not content.
13:26
I can't make everything try to appeal to an algorithm
13:29
that literally wants to destroy me.
13:31
In the sense that it wants to destroy my being,
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it wants me to equate my being with my following,
13:38
with my growth and in all these ways,
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it's a form of ontological death, right?
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Because you are not those things.
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So I think we've warmed up and I want to keep going on this.
13:50
So many of us find ourselves in this relentless cycle
13:54
of self-reduction and it doesn't come from us.
13:57
It comes from the society we grew up in,
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the cultural messages that surrounded us,
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our upbringing, the caregivers in our life
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who are also a product of this society
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who may be imparted beliefs and understandings
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and responsibilities and expectations
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that could be soul crushing towards us.
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And this is where we constantly define ourselves
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either by our flaws, our mistakes,
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our perceived deficiencies, and we make big mistakes.
14:23
We hurt people.
14:24
Human beings are the most loving place for us to be
14:27
and they're also the people who hurt us most.
14:29
So we have to dance with that paradox of life
14:31
that how can it be the very thing we crave most as humans
14:34
which is connection is the very thing
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that can destroy us, right?
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That most of us, the wounds we carry,
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where did they come from, not Iraq, not the trees,
14:45
not the sunshine, literally other human beings.
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And so they are both our uplift and our downfall
14:51
but it's specifically not human beings
14:52
in and of themselves but human beings socializing
14:54
a society that wasn't set up to further human love
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and human connection and to further love between us
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and the rest of nature because we are nature.
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So when you grew up in a society,
15:06
no one taught you how to resolve conflict,
15:08
no one taught you how to process anger,
15:10
no one taught you how to have difficult conversations,
15:13
no one taught you how to listen,
15:15
no one taught you how to relate in healthy ways,
15:17
no one taught you how to not take out your traumas
15:19
on other people, no one taught you a language
15:22
for the traumas you faced, no one taught you
15:24
how not to live your entire life in shame.
15:28
Of course, what kind of societies are going to produce?
15:31
What kind of relationships,
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what kind of structure of society of socializing
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is that those two things are not the same.
15:38
What kind of structure of if you think of us
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as being one human body or human family,
15:50
the arteries between us are sick, you know,
15:54
and they need to be addressed, right?
15:56
And we need a deeper kind of education.
15:58
We are so miseducated.
15:59
I hate the sense of like being highly educated.
16:02
There's no one in our society because if you, you can,
16:05
if you can go to a school, get a degree
16:08
and get another degree, come out and you don't know
16:10
how to have a conversation about race in a society
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that is literally rooted in anti-blackness.
16:15
Are you highly educated?
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If you don't know how to have a difficult conversation,
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can you be highly educated?
16:20
It's just like somehow it's a conflation
16:23
of highly educated and institutionally educated.
16:27
But what is the institution going to teach you
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to further the value system that that institution
16:32
is rooted in and benefits from,
16:34
which will always be colonial,
16:35
which will always be capitalist and so on and so forth.
16:38
And that is an idea that could use more discussion,
16:42
but we're going to let it be just a tree on our journey
16:45
for the day and we're going to keep going.
16:47
Okay, so because everything is a mirror,
16:50
I'm not sure if you've heard these words before, right?
16:52
Like everything, I really like this.
16:55
So you're experiencing your reality
16:57
through your own being, right?
16:59
Like if you believe X, you will view reality
17:01
through the lens of X.
17:03
And if we think about everything being a mirror,
17:06
we see ourselves like when you're moving through the world,
17:09
the way that you interpret certain relates, certain events
17:13
is through the filtered mirror of your own experience,
17:16
your own conditioning and your own commitments
17:19
that you've had throughout your lifetime.
17:21
So if you strongly believe X, you'll start to see X
17:24
in your reality.
17:25
So if we just accept the sometimes truth
17:28
of everything being a mirror
17:29
and we see ourselves through the flawed mirror
17:32
of the society we grew up in.
17:33
Now that to me speaks to a deep truth
17:36
of how we experience ourselves.
17:37
So if I look in the mirror and I say,
17:39
wow, I look so good today, I don't look like anything.
17:42
I've been taught what good looks like,
17:44
how I can conform to that goodness.
17:46
I have beauty capital and I have beauty privilege
17:49
as like a thin person, an able body person, a person with features
17:52
that appeal to a Eurocentric beauty standard.
17:54
So through that filtered mirror,
17:56
I have then deduced that I look like X.
17:59
But to say that I literally and I fully look like X
18:04
without taking into account the bias of the filter itself
18:08
would be to make an era in judgment, right?
18:11
Because I see myself through the lens of the society
18:16
that has been given to me.
18:17
So if you think to me yourself, wow,
18:19
this person sounds so intelligent, right?
18:21
But if I had a different accent,
18:23
if I had a different South African accent,
18:25
if I had a different way of expressing myself,
18:27
if I had a stutter or if I had a speech disability,
18:30
then you wouldn't necessarily perceive or receive me
18:34
in the same way because everything is filtered
18:37
through the mirror of the society we've been given.
18:39
So we see ourselves through the flawed mirror
18:43
of a society that is rooted in the cultural values
18:46
of individualism, of shame, of capitalism,
18:49
anti-blackness, anti-fatness, homophobia,
18:52
ableism, elitism, classism, loneliness and isolation,
18:55
like all of these things, right?
18:57
Like we cannot separate our self-concept
19:00
from the flawed mirror of the society that we've been given.
19:06
No one can just conceive of themselves
19:08
as if they live on an island.
19:09
They have to take into account
19:11
and they do as a being that is designed to keep themselves alive
19:14
and therefore to go here with the society
19:16
that has been given to them.
19:17
Because we see ourselves through that mirror,
19:20
we then come to deeply imbibe the value system
19:24
that has been given to us, which is of course,
19:26
it's like not our fault, right?
19:28
So as a result, what happens?
19:32
In and of ourselves, we are multi-dimensional beings.
19:35
We are so many, we're everything everywhere all at once.
19:38
We have dreams, we have synchronicities,
19:42
those kind of divine coincidences where it feels
19:45
almost like you are having a mystical experience
19:47
because how could this have happened
19:49
in the way that it did?
19:50
We have, speak languages like we're designed
19:53
to communicate with other beings,
19:54
which is just profound.
19:55
We have consciousness and we have these thoughts
19:59
and feelings that change and that fluctuate.
20:01
And then we have, how we experience ourselves,
20:05
but then there's how others experience us
20:07
and that's not always the same.
20:08
And there's the memories that people have of us.
20:11
There's the memories we have of each other.
20:13
There's the fact that we literally exist
20:15
because of our connection to earth,
20:16
like had your parents and their parents
20:18
and their parents and their parents
20:20
not eaten the food of the land,
20:21
like from the soil and from the animals
20:24
that consumed things from the soil,
20:26
we would not exist, like we are intertwined with the universe.
20:30
Okay, so we're these multi-dimensional beings.
20:32
We literally are made up of the same matter as the stars,
20:36
as the cosmos.
20:37
It's really sensational and divine.
20:39
And we live on a planet literally set up for life,
20:42
literally abundant with food, abundant with water
20:46
in and of itself, right?
20:47
Not in through the paradigm of capitalism
20:50
that poverty is structured by capitalism
20:53
and by white supremacy and so on and by imperialism.
20:55
So we are these multi-dimensional beings,
20:58
but we are forced to have a one-dimensional experience
21:02
of ourselves and of each other.
21:04
What does that mean?
21:06
We flatten, we are flattened into what we do,
21:10
how we look, our social status.
21:12
You know what I mean?
21:13
We're flattened into a very one-dimensional understanding
21:16
of being, which is the material reality
21:18
as in accordance with this power structure that exists.
21:22
Okay?
21:23
So this view that we then take on of ourselves
21:26
as unworthy, as shameful, as embarrassing,
21:29
as to something, to ugly, to unintelligent,
21:32
to poor, to disabled.
21:34
Okay?
21:35
We take on this view,
21:38
but that view reflects the interests of the society
21:40
we grew up in.
21:42
So everything is a mirror, right?
21:43
Because if they can mirror the value system
21:46
of the society within us,
21:47
we will come to reproduce that value system
21:49
and mirror it within others.
21:51
And that is also how the chain of the society is passed
21:54
and the family structure is meant
21:56
to reproduce the value system of the status quo
22:00
and of the state, okay?
22:02
And we reproduce it in each other.
22:04
So when we gossip about each other
22:05
for stepping out of the line,
22:07
when we are harsh and mean towards each other,
22:09
when we cancel each other, what are we doing?
22:12
We're kind of enacting a sense of policing on one another.
22:15
And I'm gonna do a whole episode on this
22:17
because it's very nuanced,
22:18
but essentially we reproduce society.
22:20
We are made to, right?
22:22
And usually this happens subconsciously.
22:24
So they want us when we think of the goal
22:28
of the status quo is to reproduce itself
22:29
and to perhaps even make itself more severe,
22:31
more severely unequal, more severely harsh,
22:34
more severely violent towards, towards colonized people,
22:38
towards black people, towards poor people,
22:40
and especially the intersection, right?
22:42
They want us to equate our worth
22:44
and our very existence to our productivity,
22:48
to our income, to our social standing,
22:50
to the way we're able to conform to toxic beauty standards,
22:53
to our social media following, to our social status,
22:56
to the job we have, to how famous we are, you know what I mean?
22:59
So because then they can reproduce the society.
23:03
So we are the ones who then of course suffer
23:06
because in our being, we feel we are deficient.
23:08
We literally cannot go a day without thinking,
23:11
I'm unworthy, I'm not enough.
23:13
I literally don't deserve good things to come to me.
23:16
I am lack, you know I'm lack manifested
23:19
and set off, I am abundance manifested, I am love,
23:22
I am divine, I am a cosmic being, I am a star dust being.
23:27
I am more complex and more deep
23:29
than I could ever fully comprehend.
23:30
I affect people in ways I could never comprehend.
23:34
I am not what I produce and yet I deserve to produce
23:37
as in create, right?
23:38
I'm not what I create, but I deserve to create.
23:41
I'm not the friendships I have,
23:43
but I deserve to have wonderful loving friendships
23:46
and again the society sets up,
23:48
sets you up not to have those things.
23:50
So this one dimensional view of self worth,
23:53
where you take this star dust being,
23:55
you put these glass objects in front of them
23:57
whether that be mirrors or selfie cameras or whatever
24:00
and you say to them, okay take this magnificent being
24:03
who had I think it's less than 400 trillion chance of survival
24:06
and make them say, oh I look so ugly,
24:08
I don't deserve to go outside today.
24:11
Oh look at my skin, I'm so disgusting.
24:15
Why don't I have the career I want?
24:17
How is it that she or they have this and I don't, right?
24:20
You take this majestical being,
24:23
you force them into the opposite of a majestical reality
24:26
and the result is that multidimensional being
24:29
comes to conceive of themselves
24:30
and is treated as others as deeply one dimensional
24:33
in a way that reflects the society.
24:36
So this one dimensional view of self worth
24:39
is further exacerbated by the societal pressures
24:42
that compel us.
24:43
We are compelled, it's not our choice,
24:45
to measure our value based on our careers,
24:48
our wealth, our social status,
24:49
our conformity to beauty standards,
24:51
the number of followers we have on social media.
24:53
And as a such, we are alienated,
24:56
like we are removed from, we are dislocated from,
24:59
we are alien, like it is foreign to us,
25:02
we are alienated from our divine nature.
25:06
When I say divine, I'm talking about
25:09
that transcendent reality, that mystical reality, right?
25:13
That goes beyond what can be necessarily put into words
25:16
is that is in some sense inconceivable
25:21
and in another sense deeply faltered known
25:23
on that spiritual plane of existence.
25:25
I'm not talking about organized religion,
25:27
but it obviously has been connected
25:29
and many people access the divine through religion, wonderful.
25:33
But I'm talking about a sense of magic.
25:36
There is this essay that I've saved to my pocket,
25:39
which is this website that lets you save essays
25:41
so that you can like read them later all in one place.
25:43
And there was one that speaks about how magic became miracles,
25:48
like when there was colonization
25:50
and persecution of indigenous people,
25:54
they basically made this huge distinction
25:57
between what the indigenous people were practicing,
25:59
which they called magic and they called savage
26:02
and they called primitive and obscene.
26:07
But then they also, in the church,
26:10
have the notion of the miracle.
26:12
What is the difference between a miracle and magic?
26:15
Like literally us gives off that question.
26:16
Anyways, let's continue.
26:18
So we become reduced to what society wants us to think of ourselves
26:24
because as long as we carry shame within ourselves,
26:27
we are less likely to demand anything
26:29
from the social structures that surround us
26:31
because we believe we are the ones to blame
26:33
for our own deficiencies.
26:35
And actually more specifically,
26:36
we then start to resent and attack one another
26:40
rather than the powers that be,
26:41
rather than the society, the social structure.
26:44
We feel shame, so when we have another human being
26:47
who brings up our triggers, what do we do?
26:49
We try to dominate them or we flee from them.
26:52
We abandon them, so we hurt each other.
26:54
We're all projecting onto one another
26:56
or we're harming one another in very severe ways.
26:59
But often those people who inflict pain
27:01
have, pain has been caused to them,
27:03
doesn't justify it, yes?
27:04
But it helps to create a sense of empathy
27:06
for why this occurs.
27:07
We must be curious, why do these things happen?
27:10
And it's often it's a cycle of violence
27:12
and it's a society that wants that to be the case.
27:14
They don't want us to be in our abundant love.
27:17
They don't want us to conceive of ourselves
27:19
as siblings in the human family.
27:21
No, they want us alienated from each other.
27:23
They want us isolated because we are much weaker that way.
27:26
They want us fixating on the narrorous version of love,
27:28
which is romantic love because if we all love our neighbors,
27:31
if we all saw each other as interconnected,
27:33
if we all saw each other as divine and precious,
27:36
every single being, like let's think about
27:38
what's happening in Palestine
27:40
as the exact opposite thing is what they want.
27:41
As in, they don't want us to empathize
27:43
with the people in Gaza.
27:44
They don't want us to feel so moved.
27:46
And so such a deep love for Palestinians
27:49
that we are willing to go onto the streets
27:52
and do everything we can.
27:53
They don't, they want us alienated from each other, okay?
27:57
And what alienates us from each other
27:59
will typically the unloved ability and the unworthiness
28:02
and the shame we feel within ourselves
28:05
and also hatred for the other like anti-blackness,
28:08
the isms that live in each of us.
28:10
Anyways, let's take, let's let these,
28:13
this leaf be a little friend on our journey
28:15
that we met and let's continue.
28:17
So when we think we're the ones to blame,
28:19
we stop blaming the powers that be.
28:21
We stop blaming the order of the world.
28:23
We stop blaming the hegemonic powers of the world.
28:26
We stop blaming the institutions
28:29
and the people in power who shape the world.
28:31
And so this reduction is perspective,
28:34
not only limits our understanding of our true self,
28:37
but it also undermines our ability to appreciate
28:41
the complexity, the depth, the wonder,
28:44
the awe, the divinity and the magic of our being.
28:49
So when you are reduced to reduce, what does it mean?
28:52
Make smaller or less in amount, degree or size.
28:55
And there's an alternative meaning
28:57
which is to bring someone or something
28:58
to a worse or less desirable state or condition.
29:01
So she was reduced to despair,
29:04
a worst state than that person would choose for themselves, right?
29:08
And so when we are reduced, we are less potent.
29:11
We are less powerful.
29:13
And I think we feel that in ourselves,
29:15
when we are stuck in our unworthiness
29:16
and when we're stuck in our feelings of,
29:18
I'm not good enough or I'm what I create,
29:21
why only get to feel proud of myself
29:22
once I've done the thing,
29:24
why only get to eat once I've done the thing,
29:26
I only get to sleep once I've done the thing.
29:29
That's another way that they benefit from our unworthiness.
29:32
Do you know what I'm saying?
29:33
When we're unworthy, we're just much more susceptible
29:36
to the cultural and social conditioning
29:38
and yet it's not like you can just choose
29:40
to feel worthy tomorrow
29:41
because the whole society is set up on your unworthiness.
29:43
So this reductionist perspective, as I said,
29:46
it limits or undermines our self-concept
29:49
and we develop the self-concept
29:51
where we don't fully capture how deep, how complex,
29:55
how multidimensional, how awesome,
29:58
like how full of all, how divine, how magical we are
30:01
in our being, not in our doing, in our being itself.
30:06
And now I wanna ask you a few questions.
30:08
What if, my darling, what if you are love?
30:14
What if you are love?
30:16
What would that give you?
30:18
Not if what if you could feel love,
30:20
not if what if you could do love,
30:21
what if you could, what if you are love?
30:24
What if you are a manifestation of love on this planet?
30:26
What does that mean to you?
30:31
When you feel a sense of awe,
30:32
what if you are that awe?
30:35
What if when you feel that awe,
30:36
you are coming into who you actually are?
30:39
What if you are wonder that curious feeling you get,
30:44
that sense of thinking about a mysterious event
30:48
or understanding and thinking, huh?
30:52
What if that, that you are that wonder,
30:53
that feeling of, huh, what if it is you?
30:55
But most importantly, I think of all of these questions
30:57
is what if you are love?
30:59
What would that mean?
31:01
What if your inherent divinity,
31:04
again divine, magical, mystical, beyond words,
31:08
beyond the materiality, beyond the physical understanding,
31:11
beyond anything I could put into words for you.
31:13
You must simply, no, you don't must anything.
31:18
I'm gonna let you define that for yourself.
31:20
What if your inherent divinity, your cosmic connection,
31:24
your connection literally to the cosmos,
31:26
not only to the earth, to the trees, to the air,
31:29
to the water, to the sea,
31:30
but also to the stars, to the planets,
31:32
you know, to the sun, to the moon, okay?
31:36
What if your cosmic connection, your profoundness,
31:38
like how deep profound, how, wow, wise, all of the things,
31:41
but also not only wise in the sense of how you're able to speak
31:45
or be or exist, whatever, but just in and of yourself,
31:47
you carry a wisdom within you.
31:51
You used to, if you were living thousands of years ago,
31:54
you would have to live all of your intuition.
31:56
You would know when the moon would be full.
31:59
You would know when it's time to go back
32:01
because the sun is getting dark.
32:02
So you'd have this cosmic connection
32:04
that would be more profound because you're living on the earth,
32:07
but that intuition is still in you.
32:09
It doesn't diminish.
32:10
We just have to recover it, recover it, recover, recover,
32:14
recover, okay?
32:16
What if each of these things, your divinity,
32:18
your cosmic connection, your profoundness, your wisdom,
32:21
your intuition?
32:22
What if they have been completely hidden from you,
32:25
completely disguised from your realm of perception?
32:30
Like you don't even perceive of yourself as those things,
32:32
not because they are not you,
32:34
but because you as those things has been disguised
32:37
from your worldview, okay?
32:41
There's this quote from Deepak Chopra's book,
32:44
you are the universe which I haven't finished
32:46
because this one I became bored,
32:48
but essentially there's one quote
32:49
that really stood after me and this is what he says.
32:52
There is one relationship in your life,
32:56
in everyone's life that has been kept a secret.
33:01
You don't know when it began and yet you depend upon it
33:07
for everything.
33:09
If this relationship ever ended,
33:14
the world would disappear in a puff of smoke.
33:20
What is that relationship?
33:25
It is your relationship to reality.
33:31
So then I wanna keep asking you what if you are love
33:34
and sit with that question
33:35
and I wanna read you these quotes from the philosopher
33:37
A.H.L. Mars, who is a Kuwaiti American author
33:40
and spiritual teacher.
33:42
I wanna read you three of these quotes
33:44
and my favorite is the third, so keep listening.
33:47
So the first quote is this.
33:48
The first thing you need to know is that your personality
33:53
or ego does not know how to love.
33:59
Isn't that so profound?
34:01
Your personality or ego does not know how to love.
34:05
How many of us get defensive, right?
34:07
When someone's giving us feedback on how we affected them
34:10
and we just feel in the self this need to defend ourselves.
34:13
No, I didn't show up like that.
34:14
No, that's not what I meant.
34:15
No, you just don't understand.
34:19
That part of us, it's a sense we have of who we are.
34:24
What is that, our ego?
34:26
That part of us does not know how to love.
34:29
When you are trying to protect yourself concept,
34:33
you don't know how to love in that state.
34:35
So the personality is the product of the lack of love.
34:40
So how can it know love?
34:44
Listen to that again.
34:45
The personality is the product of the lack of love.
34:49
So we form this ego out of the ways we have not been loved,
34:52
not out of the ways we have been
34:54
because the ways we have been loved
34:56
will show us we are unconditionally loved.
35:01
The personality is the product of the lack of love.
35:03
So how can it know love?
35:04
Those are two sentences that we could actually have
35:07
in whole episode on, but I'll let them sit in your consciousness.
35:10
Something I love about philosophy as a real of thinking
35:15
is that or feeling rather as well,
35:17
is that the riddle is part of the point.
35:20
Philosophy translated, which is not what it has become now
35:23
in the West, is a love of wisdom.
35:25
That's what it means.
35:26
So the word philosophy, love of wisdom.
35:30
That's not what it's become.
35:31
It's become like love of obfuscation and elitism
35:33
and wisdom and hegemony.
35:35
It has been that for a very long time.
35:37
But so the riddle is part of the point
35:38
and when you don't fully understand it,
35:40
I think the love of wisdom is that you just sit with that.
35:44
You sit with the unknown.
35:45
You don't let it frustrate you enough.
35:47
And sometimes it can frustrate you,
35:48
but you are kind of attracted to the mystery.
35:51
I think that is a kind of love of wisdom
35:53
that it makes sense that something so vast,
35:55
like the wisdom of the world will sometimes come across
35:59
in ways that is not fully intelligible.
36:01
Like you won't fully grasp every piece of it,
36:03
but you know there's something worth grasping within it.
36:05
Okay, let's go to the second one, the second quote.
36:07
It is love that ultimately dissolves ego boundaries.
36:13
Love is not bound by separateness.
36:16
It is what penetrates it.
36:19
Okay, so it is love that ultimately dissolves ego boundaries.
36:23
Love is not bound by separateness.
36:25
It's not bound by, I am here, you are there, I am me,
36:27
you are you.
36:28
Love is what penetrates the separateness that exists between us.
36:34
So when we say you are irreducible,
36:36
it's also that you are not really reducible to a self
36:39
because babe, you are so interconnected with the collective.
36:43
You are so interconnected with the beings that love you
36:46
and that you love.
36:47
You are so interconnected with love itself.
36:50
So you cannot be reduced to a self
36:53
and by that I mean to an ego itself.
36:56
Specifically, like you are not the personality
36:58
you've chosen to identify with.
37:00
You are much greater than that.
37:02
Okay, you are much more complex than that.
37:05
You are much more deep than that.
37:06
Even if you really like that personality,
37:08
when we think of things like having high standards,
37:11
I think that's such a beautiful thing,
37:12
but sometimes the ego is playing a role there of like,
37:16
oh no, I don't deserve to be loved by someone
37:18
who looks like that.
37:19
I don't deserve to be loved by someone who has that job.
37:22
Is that love speaking through you
37:24
or is that your ego speaking through you?
37:26
Because love is the ultimate reality.
37:29
The third quote that I told you was my favorite is this,
37:32
if love is our beingness, our essence
37:36
and the very substance of our soul.
37:39
So essentially if we are love, then what is going on
37:44
when we have love only in a relationship?
37:49
It means you are yourself only in certain relationships.
37:57
We have to sit with that for a second
37:58
because it's a very profound statement.
38:00
He's saying if we are love,
38:02
so that's the premise you would have to accept
38:03
to buy what follows.
38:05
If we are love, if love is our beingness,
38:07
if love is our essence,
38:09
if love is the very substance of our soul,
38:13
then he's asking, well, what is actually occurring,
38:16
what is going on when we have love only when we are
38:20
in a relationship?
38:21
And by that, he could mean a friendship,
38:23
he could mean a romantic relationship,
38:26
he could mean the relationship between some parents
38:28
who feel like they're first true experience of love
38:31
is when they have children,
38:32
like those types of things, any kind of love,
38:34
it means you are yourself only in certain relationships.
38:39
What that means is if we are love,
38:41
but we only feel love when we relate to others
38:44
in a certain way, then we only are ourselves
38:46
when we relate to others in that way.
38:48
So think about what that means
38:50
for how alienating our society is.
38:51
Most people don't have deep loving connections
38:54
in relationships, so most people are alienated from themselves
38:58
because what he's saying is that you can only be yourself
39:00
when you experience love,
39:01
and if you only experience love
39:03
when you're in deep loving connections with others,
39:05
then you are only yourself
39:06
when you experience deep loving connections with others.
39:08
Most people don't have deep loving connections with others,
39:11
therefore most people are never themselves.
39:13
Most people are alienated from themselves,
39:16
and that is the Marxist view as well
39:18
that we are alienated from each other.
39:20
We are alienated from ourselves.
39:22
We are alienated from the work that we do
39:24
because it is work that has been chosen for us
39:26
by a capitalist structure,
39:27
not what we would choose for ourselves,
39:29
which would be creative work.
39:31
That could mean anything, anything meaningful
39:32
to the being themselves.
39:33
It doesn't have to be writing a book.
39:35
It could mean just any pursuit,
39:36
could be running, any pursuit that you find deeply meaningful
39:39
to you and to your community.
39:41
And we are alienated to the process of labor
39:43
from the process of labor
39:45
because the owner of the capitalist means of production
39:49
will always want the worker to do things
39:50
in the way that is most efficient,
39:52
which may be the way that is most soul-crushing
39:54
for the worker creating a mundane state of reality
39:57
that the workers then forced to live in.
39:59
So essentially those are two different,
40:04
those are ways these ideas connect of alienation.
40:06
It means you are only yourself in certain relationships,
40:10
meaning you are not yourself.
40:11
Like right now, I'm experiencing love for you
40:15
and for myself in this moment
40:17
and so I am being myself.
40:18
When I close this episode,
40:20
that feeling of that sinking feeling may happen
40:22
or I may feel on a high because I was just myself.
40:26
You know what I mean?
40:27
Because I am love.
40:27
So when I am acting as love,
40:29
when I am experiencing love, then I am myself.
40:32
So when are you yourself?
40:33
And how does that relate to the reality of love?
40:36
So I actually have so much more to say on the topic itself,
40:42
which is the ways that you are not reducible
40:47
and there were gonna be kind of seven reasons
40:49
that I wanted to talk through with you.
40:51
And for this I used Chachi BT to really nail
40:54
the seven kind of components of our existence
40:59
that make us transcend it,
41:01
that make us bigger than anything we would hope,
41:03
we could hope to reduce ourselves too.
41:06
I'll read you the seven but I think what I'll do
41:08
is I'll create a separate episode on these.
41:10
And that is that number one is our cosmic identity
41:14
and I'm gonna go into that in the next episode.
41:16
Number two is our inherent divinity, okay?
41:20
The idea that at our core,
41:22
we have this unquantifiable essence
41:26
that transcends this physical material reality.
41:29
We have this divine aspect,
41:30
we have this majestical aspect
41:32
and we hear people express it in different ways
41:35
and it's now been condemned as like woo, woo,
41:37
but that literally cannot be separated from colonialism
41:40
from the demonization of beliefs and belief systems
41:43
that were other to the Western scientific colonial paradigm
41:47
that doesn't want us to believe in magic,
41:48
that doesn't want us to believe in the divine,
41:51
but at the same time wants to control our access to that
41:55
because they know it's part of the human experience
41:57
and so they do that through an institutional approach
42:00
to religion, rise into faith.
42:02
Anyways, there's so much to say on that point.
42:05
I know a lot of people who like have a deeply beautiful
42:07
like relationship with their church or faith
42:10
and I love that and I think that's beautiful.
42:11
I also think the community aspect is really amazing
42:13
and also at the same time we have to know that Christianity
42:16
has been such a huge role in the colonial project
42:19
as an institution, right?
42:20
There's a difference between the institution of religion
42:22
and the interpersonal experience of it.
42:24
Okay, anyways, the next is our multifaceted nature.
42:28
This speaks to where we begun
42:29
and around the idea of being multi-dimensional.
42:32
The next is our capacity for growth and change.
42:34
The fact that we are always growing and evolving.
42:35
So how could you reduce a being
42:37
that is literally set up to grow?
42:39
A deep spiritual growth.
42:40
There are things I know to be true now
42:42
that when I was 18 or something
42:44
and I don't, if you could be 18,
42:45
I know what I didn't know, it's like a spiral.
42:48
It's not that I am more evolved than an 18-year-old.
42:51
It's that I am more evolved than I was at 18
42:53
in the way that I think and see,
42:55
the way that I love, the way that I understand,
42:57
the wounds that I know that I carry
42:59
and how I try to not perpetuate those wounds
43:01
and often fail, okay?
43:03
The fifth is our unique life experiences
43:06
that we can't be reducible because we've gone through
43:08
so many things that at one time,
43:11
we might not even have thought we would survive
43:13
and we've had this profound existence.
43:16
We have so much wisdom in us
43:17
and so much knowledge in us
43:18
and so many experiences within us.
43:20
And then we take this moment or this chapter
43:22
or this experience and we say,
43:23
I am this.
43:24
I am this friendship breakup.
43:25
I am this romantic breakup.
43:27
I am this job firing.
43:29
I am this experience that I'm having
43:31
and yet we are so complex
43:32
and how many unique life experiences we've had.
43:35
The sixth is our emotional depth and empathy.
43:37
The seventh is our interconnectedness with others.
43:39
I think this is so important.
43:41
You aren't reducible because you exist in the hearts
43:44
and the minds and the souls of people
43:46
that you don't even realize the impact that you've had on them.
43:48
It could have been when you were four years old,
43:50
it could have been like the most small question you asked them
43:54
or the way that you listened to them
43:56
or the way you made them feel like we are divine
43:59
and we are divine in our interconnectedness
44:02
that we can't be reduced to anything
44:03
because we are not singular.
44:05
Remember that quote on how love penetrates boundaries.
44:08
And so the people who we've led into our lives
44:10
or who we've been in their lives,
44:11
but also just even if you're not in anyone's life,
44:14
you are interconnected being with the earth and with each other.
44:17
And so if you are interconnected,
44:18
imagine an interconnected,
44:20
imagine like an interconnected,
44:21
like diagram of like webs between them.
44:24
And then this one dot on the diagram saying,
44:26
oh, I'm this dot.
44:27
That's all I am.
44:28
And this dot is unworthy.
44:29
No, you are so connected to like a much bigger life force
44:33
and a much bigger collective of being
44:36
when you feel pain that pain is in each of us
44:38
because we are in the web.
44:39
When you feel grief, that grief is in so many people.
44:42
Some of them may be five minutes away from you.
44:44
Others are going to be thousands and millions
44:46
or whatever kilometers away from you.
44:48
We are interconnected being.
44:50
We cannot limit ourselves to the dot in the web
44:54
when we wouldn't even be without the web
44:57
and the web would not be without us.
44:59
Let that sink in like it's both.
45:01
You cannot have an ocean without the droplets
45:03
and you can't have the droplets without the ocean.
45:05
So anyways, I'll let you decide
45:07
what that riddle means to you.
45:09
This episode is way longer than I had intended.
45:12
I asked everyone on my Spotify what the ideal length
45:15
for a podcast was and they said it was 30 to 45 minutes.
45:19
But I think I'm in this place
45:21
where that was super helpful feedback for me.
45:23
You got to let things become what they're asking to be
45:25
whether it's 10 minutes, whether it's 15 minutes,
45:28
45 minutes, I'm going to speak until the episode is done
45:32
and I actually had way more to say,
45:33
but I can feel like my throat is getting dry
45:36
and I need to love myself and I just,
45:39
I'm proud of myself because this is,
45:41
I feel like complete in alignment
45:43
with how I'm supposed to be existing in this moment.
45:45
And the problem for me is when I edit it,
45:47
I'm in a completely different state of being.
45:49
I'm in my more critical being.
45:50
If anyone listening is a writer, you know how this feels.
45:52
Like when you're writing, you're like,
45:54
oh, sexy, beautiful, wonderful, perfect, special.
45:56
I mean, if you allow yourself that space
45:58
and most of us don't, most of us edit well, we write.
46:00
But if you write freely with music, whatever your vibe is,
46:04
you feel like you're in flow sometimes, not all the time.
46:06
But then when you're editing, you're like,
46:08
oh, my goodness, this becomes stressful.
46:10
This is not good enough.
46:11
This should be this, that should be that.
46:13
And it becomes this kind of more mechanical approach
46:15
to your art and that phase brings up a lot of things
46:19
that maybe are more difficult to confront.
46:21
And that's what I experience.
46:22
While I'm speaking, I'm in the flow, I'm in the zone,
46:24
I'm like, wow, like I'm pinging.
46:25
Someone commented that on my last episode.
46:28
I love you so much.
46:29
By the way, my Spotify, I read every single comment.
46:32
You are my lifeline.
46:33
Everyone who has commented on my episodes,
46:36
you are literally my lifeline.
46:37
I would not be existing without you
46:38
because you keep me going.
46:41
Like literally, I read them all.
46:43
And the one that has the most is though,
46:46
you have nothing to prove one.
46:48
And so many people have said,
46:49
I've listened to this three times.
46:51
I love this episode.
46:52
So many wonderful comments on that episode
46:54
that just made me feel so precious
46:56
and so in alignment with the kind of impact
46:58
that I'm hoping to have.
46:59
So thank you so dearly for the people commenting.
47:01
I know not everyone listens on Spotify.
47:03
So leave comments on Apple as well.
47:05
I love you and on my YouTube as well.
47:07
Thank you so, so much for being on this journey with me.
47:10
I am going to do an episode on the idea
47:12
of letting things be finished, even when they're not done.
47:17
And that paradox again of like, oh, don't those things
47:19
mean the exact same thing.
47:20
The mystery of that is that they'll always be more
47:23
to refine, to edit, to add, to take away.
47:26
And yet we're living in a kind of both
47:28
finite and infinite reality.
47:30
So we have to decide, OK, this is finished.
47:32
Even though I could do more to it,
47:33
even though it's not done, it's finished,
47:35
or even though it's not finished, it's done.
47:37
That could mean I'm done with it.
47:39
I don't have anything more to give to it.
47:40
All that could mean it's actually, you know, it's done.
47:44
It's now on the reader, on the listener,
47:46
on the viewer to take it and make it
47:47
into what they needed to be.
47:49
Because it's never finished when I'm finished.
47:51
It's finished when it's been listened to, right?
47:53
And then when it lives on in your consciousness.
47:54
So thank you for being on this tour with me.
47:57
I think we took a walk.
47:58
We saw butterflies.
47:58
We saw birds.
47:59
We saw rivers.
48:00
We saw trees.
48:01
We saw things that we maybe had seen before,
48:04
but we got to see them in a different light,
48:06
in a different perspective.
48:07
We learned that we are not reducible to anyone
48:10
given aspect of our being or of our current human experience.
48:14
We learned that we are love.
48:15
We learned that there is this way that our relationship
48:19
to reality has been policed by our society.
48:21
We learned that we are divine.
48:23
We learned that we are cosmic.
48:25
We learned that we are something so much more multi-dimensional
48:28
than what we are typically invited to seeing ourselves as.
48:32
I hope this episode resonates with you.
48:34
I hope we are pinging together.
48:35
I love you so much.
48:36
Thank you for allowing me the space.
48:38
Thank you for saying yes to this podcast.
48:40
And I'm so excited to see you again next week.
48:43
Love you so dearly, sending you all the loves.
48:45
But you don't need it, because you are love.
48:47
Okay, sending you all the love,
48:49
which is truly just a manifestation of yourself.
48:51
So I am holding up a mirror to you.
48:54
And on that note, I want to finish by reading you a poem.
48:57
And this really speaks to where I started,
48:59
where I said sometimes I ask myself,
49:01
what's the most loving episode I can make for you this week?
49:04
And it reminds me of this poem that I once shared on my newsletter.
49:08
It's called A Gift to Bring You by Rumi.
49:11
And of course, this was written literally Rumi lived
49:14
from 1207, like the year 1207 to the year 1273.
49:20
These poems have been translated
49:22
from Turkish, Arabic and Greek into English.
49:25
Okay, so just know that that's the context this comes from.
49:28
It's called A Gift to Bring You by Rumi.
49:30
And this is the poem.
49:32
You have no idea how hard I've looked
49:36
for a gift to bring you.
49:38
Nothing seemed right.
49:40
What's the point of bringing gold to the gold mine?
49:43
Or water to the ocean?
49:46
Everything I came up with was like taking spices to the orient.
49:52
It's no good giving my heart and my soul
49:55
because you already have these.
49:58
So I've brought you a mirror.
50:01
Look at yourself and remember me.
50:06
You have no idea how hard I've looked
50:10
for a gift to bring you.
50:14
Nothing seemed right.
50:16
What's the point of bringing gold to the gold mine?
50:19
Or water to the ocean?
50:22
Everything I came up with was like taking spices to the orient.
50:28
It's no good giving my heart and my soul
50:31
because you already have these.
50:33
So I've brought you a mirror.
50:38
Look at yourself and remember me.
50:44
I love you so much.
50:45
We said that everything is a mirror.
50:47
If you resonated with this episode,
50:49
if it hit for you, if it was what you needed,
50:51
know that I've just brought you a mirror babe.
50:55
There's nothing I can say that is not mirroring
50:58
a deeper knowing or feeling or connection
51:00
that exists within you and that exists between us
51:02
because we are interconnected.
51:05
So I've brought you a mirror.
51:07
Look at yourself and remember me.
51:10
I hope some paradigms have been shifted
51:12
for you in today's conversation.
51:13
As always, if you can, please leave a five star rating
51:16
on Apple and Spotify.
51:17
Like, comment, subscribe.
51:19
I love you so, so much.
51:21
Okay, I love you.
51:23
Join me on my substract links in the comment section.
51:25
Go there.
51:26
Okay, love you so much.
51:28
Love you.
51:29
Bye.