Latest / The Mental Healness Podcast / Why narcissists are the perfect reflection of you

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Why narcissists are the perfect reflection of you · The Mental Healness Podcast

• 0:00
  You didn't fall in love with that narcissist, You know that,
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  right? You absolutely did not fall in
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  love with that person. What you fell in love with was a
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  version of them. Yeah.
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  Yeah. What'd you think I was?
• 0:14
  What'd you think? I was going with that?
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  Of course. If you're new here, my name is
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  Lee Hammock. I'm a diagnosed narcissist
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  myself. And welcome to another episode
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  of The Narcissist Cold, y'all. Let's get it.
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  Let's get it. Let's get it.
• 0:24
  I know when I started the video. Y'all lately.
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  Where you going with this, Lee? You always you.
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  I knew you was other than something.
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  Well, Lee, I did love them. I know you did.
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  But did you love them or did you love the version of them that
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  they presented to for you? Did you love the version of them
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  that they showed you at first up front as opposed to this some
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  different version of them that was concocted from the past?
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  Right? Who did you fall in love with?
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  Seriously, who did you fall in love with?
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  Because so many people. The reason I asked that question
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  is because you can't see right here and say, and I don't, and I
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  talked to so many people on my Zoom calls, right that say, hey,
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  lady, if this person right now that's treating me this badly
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  was the person I met in the beginning, I wouldn't be here.
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  You see what I'm saying? If they were treating you the
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  same way that they're treating you, that's if they, if they
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  started the relationship off the same way that they're doing it
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  right now, most people wouldn't still be there.
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  Most people wouldn't say, I still love this person.
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  Most, most people wouldn't have gave that person a chance.
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  You notice, as I said, most people, because there are some
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  people out there that absolutely would, right?
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  There are so many people out there that we absolutely would.
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  There's some like, hey, there's things going on that might be
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  outside of my control, right? That might, might, might be
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  outside of my wheelhouse, but most people would say, no, I'm
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  not dealing with this. But there are some people who
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  just like, yeah, I'll get them a chance.
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  They're cute. They got dreads, they got hair.
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  They, they, they got a nice little booty on them.
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  Whatever. Some of them, some people will,
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  right? This is not the judgment
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  channel. This is the self aware
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  narcissist channel, right? But seriously, did you fall?
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  Who did you fall in love with? Y'all?
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  Cause so many people, so many people struggle to leave these
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  relationships because you feel like you are still in love with
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  this person. But are you or are you still in
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  love with the version of them that they presented for you?
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  The version of them that they say, hey, look, this is me.
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  Hey, look, this is who I am. Hey, look, I'm everything that
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  you've been praying for. Hey, look, I'm everything that
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  you've ever wanted. Hey, look, I'm your dream, I'm
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  your soul mate. Hey, look, you don't mind.
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  This is what goes on. This is what happens.
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  This is why it's so difficult to leave these type of
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  relationships because this situation, because they present
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  themselves so well. They get you E meshed into their
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  into this relationship. They immerse themselves into
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  your life. They they kind of weave in and
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  out of your life like a braid, right?
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  They're so, they're so deep into your life so quickly that it's
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  very difficult to get them out. Like a little narcissistic tick,
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  little ticks that suck your blood just like that, a little
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  narcissistic tick and they just suck in your blood and maybe
• 3:00
  leaving the disease behind. You know, some of the ticks out
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  here be they. Yeah, I live in North Carolina.
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  The ticks are a huge problem here.
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  That's why like it's it's kind of, it's very dangerous here
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  because the ticks and Lyme disease and and whatnot.
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  But yeah. Did you actually fall in love
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  with them or a version of them? This is Yeah.
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  I'm the reason I'm saying this and doing this video because it
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  can help you break free. Who did you fall in love with?
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  Write it down. Yeah, write this type of stuff
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  down. Write down who they were when
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  you first fell in love with them versus who are they right now?
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  What are the differences? And ask yourself that same
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  question I postulated earlier. Would you still love this person
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  if they were this person? If would you still love them now
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  if they were the same way in the beginning that they are right
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  now, If they started off the relationship to say, hey, look,
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  I'm going to cheat on you. I'm going to beat you.
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  I'm going to lie to you, I'm going to gaslight you.
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  I'm going to just make your life a living hell.
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  I'm going to abandon you and kids.
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  I'm going to financially abuse you.
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  Would you still be with this person again?
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  Most times the answer is going to be hell no.
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  Lee Lee, why would you ask me some stupid ass question like
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  that? I'll be out of here.
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  You know what I'm saying? But this is what goes on.
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  I don't think you love them anymore.
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  You're trauma bonded to them. You're, you're emotionally
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  connected to this person in some way, shape or form.
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  You've been abused by this person.
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  And it's hard to let go of some, a lot of times it's hard to let
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  go of the abuser. You know, that's a thing, that's
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  a real thing. It's very, it can be very
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  difficult for the victim of abuse to let go of the person
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  that has been abusing them. It's a real thing.
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  It's a real phenomenon because a lot of times they call it the
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  trauma bond. People used to refer to it as
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  Stockholm syndrome. You know what?
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  They, the, the person who like the, the, the hostage is now in
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  love and sympathizes with the hostage taker.
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  The kidnappe is damn near in love with the kidnapper.
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  She started to rationalize. Well, he's like, you know what?
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  I know you kidnapped me and got me in this damn basement, but I
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  get it. I get it.
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  I should not have been walking out there by myself.
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  What the hell You were just you. You did what you supposed to do.
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  You posed A kidnap me. Why wouldn't you?
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  You know damn, I get it Unchained me.
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  I'll stay here with you shit. That's how they tell you.
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  That's how some people talk y'all when they get abused and
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  they get brainwashed and they get minds getting warped.
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  That's how a lot of people end up talking when they after the
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  the relationship keeps going on like that.
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  You know, but I say that to say this y'all, who are you in love
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  with? Are you still love this person?
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  Now, some people that lead, I still love them anyway.
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  I know they put me through hell. I know they're treating me
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  horribly, but I still love them anyway.
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  Again, I'm not saying that you've never loved them.
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  I just don't think that love is. You can't.
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  I don't think you can simultaneously love somebody
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  that is putting you through so much immense pain.
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  Most times, in my opinion, there's going to be a trauma
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  bond. There's going to be a a deep
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  emotional connection. That's not love.
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  It looks like love. It's like the it's like the
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  sucrose, not the sucrose. It's like the splendor of love.
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  It's splendor love. It ain't real love.
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  It's splendor. It ain't real sugar love.
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  That's splendor love, right. That's what goes on.
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  Yeah. I'm just telling you, like, do
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  you? I think most people get caught
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  up in these situations and you end up loving the other person
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  more than you love yourself. And that makes it a little bit
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  more, that makes it even more difficult to leave because
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  you're, you're, you're valuing this person more than you value
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  yourself. You're putting their needs ahead
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  of your own. You're sacrificing your, your
• 6:34
  goals and dreams for this person's goals and dreams.
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  You're financing this person's life.
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  And then when they get on, they catch up, they leave you behind.
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  This happened so many times. There's so many good people out
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  there, y'all. That's what I'm trying to help
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  wake people up from because hey, look, you can survive this.
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  You can get out of this. You just have to get, you just
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  have to get clear on what it exactly is you're going through.
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  You have to get clear on who this person is because the less
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  clear you are, the more that they win.
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  That's one thing I can be open and honest with you.
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  The less clear you are on who they are, the more this person
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  wins, the more this person can take advantage of you.
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  The more this person can treat you horribly and feel like they
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  can get away with it, the more this person can put you through
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  hell, you know, the more this person can just do the worst
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  things imaginable to you and come back into your life and try
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  to pick up things like nothing ever happened.
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  Willie, why the narcissist act like nothing ever happened?
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  I'm I'm glad you asked because most times it benefits them to
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  act like nothing happened. Like if I can come back, if I
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  can do something horrible and then come back into your life
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  and pretend like nothing happened.
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  I'm great. I feel amazing now because I
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  could, I, I successfully got away with what I wanted to get
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  away with. You see, that's how the mind of
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  a lot of narcissists works right there, y'all.
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  And what most narcissists are going to try to do, they can
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  feel it, y'all, When you're falling out of love with them,
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  when you're pulling the love away, when you're disconnected
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  from them emotionally, a lot of narcissists can feel it, Willie,
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  what do they do? What do they do when they can
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  feel it? They start to turn love back on.
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  They've been slowly turning the faucet of love off, right?
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  Just imagine at the beginning of relationship with a narcissist,
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  the faucet is running full speed.
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  It's going full-fledged. It's love bombing.
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  But as the relationship goes on, they turn it down.
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  They turn it down. They turn it down.
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  It's now the flow is slower. They turn it down.
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  They turn it down. They turn it down.
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  Now it's just dripping. You ever seen the drippy faucet?
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  Trip, trip, trip, trip, trip. You know the faucet is still
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  working because it's still dripping, right?
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  The love is still running. It's just dripping a little bit.
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  It's just a slow drip. What was damn near once a
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  waterfall is now a trickle, a slow drip.
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  And now there's more. Look, there's now there's more
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  and more intervals. There's more.
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  There's more time between each drip now.
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  And guess what? When you get tired of this leak,
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  this leaky love, they know it. And guess what happens?
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  They turn the faucet back on a little bit.
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  So now the waters, the water, or the love, it started to flow
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  faster. It doesn't flow as fast as it
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  used to, but they turn it on just enough to quench your
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  thirst. And once they feel like they
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  have your your thirst quenched enough, they turn it down.
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  They turn it down, they turn it down and they keep turning back
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  on, back off, back on, back off, back on, back off.
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  They play this game with you because it benefits them.
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  The games that narcissists play is, are always going to be games
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  that benefit them in some way, shape or form.
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  Very rarely are going to, They're going to make any type
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  of sacrifices for you or for anybody else in this in any
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  scenarios or any situations. Do I say you really, truly have
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  to protect your piece? You really, truly have to
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  protect yourself and you really, truly just have to acknowledge.
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  Yeah, yeah. You might once have loved this
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  person, but it's the version of them that they presented the
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  they put their best foot forward, right?
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  Narcissist at the beginning of relationships show you who they
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  can be, not who they actually are.
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  Who they can be, not who they are, who they can be, not who
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  they actually are. You see what I'm saying?
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  Because that's the way it goes. They don't want it.
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  They can't show you who they, they can't show you who they
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  really are. Because their personalities and
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  their likes and dislikes are fluid.
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  They're flowing. They're always flowing.
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  They're never. They're very, very rarely going
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  to be stable. Yeah, that's just the flow of
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  narcissistic people, y'all. Anyways, y'all think y'all made
• 10:36
  to the end of the video? Make sure if you haven't
• 10:38
  already, hit that subscribe button, y'all.
• 10:40
  I'm thinking about starting posting my shorts back on this
• 10:42
  channel. I just don't want to flood this
• 10:43
  channel with too much content because I I love having y'all
• 10:45
  here and I don't want to overwhelm y'all with stuff.
• 10:49
  More videos coming soon. Like I said mentalillness.net
• 10:53
  for all things Lee Hammock, my coaching, my courses, everything
• 10:56
  is available at mentalillness.net.
• 10:58
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• 11:02
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• 11:05
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