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Increase Discipleship in Your Youth Ministry with These 3 Things! · Ministry Coach: Youth Ministry Tips & Resources

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: You know, small group strategy, effort and planning should be a top priority in your youth ministry, not like the afterthought, like we have a few minutes, like what are you guys?
• 0:10
  Speaker 1: Just like break up and like sit at different tables, like that is not strategic.
• 0:14
  Speaker 1: Small groups it should be what you build your youth ministry around, not simply an element to be added last minute.
• 0:22
  Speaker 1: So we wanna play students with people that they have the highest chance of doing life with, opening up to in these pockets where they are comfortable and where they want to be.
• 0:34
  Speaker 1: How can we make sure our students are being discipled in our youth ministry?
• 0:38
  Speaker 1: That's what we're talking about today on the Ministry Coach Podcast.
• 0:54
  Speaker 2: Welcome to the Ministry Coach Podcast where we bring you weekly tips and tactics to help you fast track the growth and health of your youth ministry.
• 1:00
  Speaker 2: If this is our first time meeting, my name is Jeff Lascola and this is.
• 1:04
  Speaker 1: Kristen Lascola.
• 1:06
  Speaker 2: Your voice is still squeaking.
• 1:08
  Speaker 2: I know Three weeks after a lock in you're still squeaking.
• 1:11
  Speaker 2: Can't keep up anymore you know, I think it's like it takes you longer to recover, maybe the older you get or something I don't know, but you're like only in your like late teens, so I don't know why it matters hey.
• 1:26
  Speaker 1: All right.
• 1:26
  Speaker 1: Well, today we are talking about three things that help you accelerate the discipleship in your youth ministry, and you know there probably could be different vehicles for discipleship, but we're gonna pick the best one today and we're gonna camp on that, and that is small groups.
• 1:45
  Speaker 1: So there's other ways that people can be discipled, maybe through one-on-one mentorship, like with the youth pastor, and stuff like that.
• 1:52
  Speaker 1: But you'll quickly discover as your youth ministry starts to grow, small groups are crucial and they should become the hub, the center, the nucleus for all things.
• 2:05
  Speaker 1: Discipleship in your ministry and you know, I think the term discipleship for me feels very broad in terms of depending on each student and where they're at, discipleship is gonna mean something different and I love small groups for that vehicle because I think no matter where they're at, it accomplishes that.
• 2:25
  Speaker 1: Like, if you have a student who's brand new, discipleship means getting plugged into community, and that's a small group.
• 2:32
  Speaker 1: If you have a student who's been coming for a long time, challenging them theologically is discipleship.
• 2:38
  Speaker 1: Or having them open up about something going in their life and being able to walk through that and point them to scripture, that's discipleship.
• 2:46
  Speaker 1: Holding students accountable, you know, for behavior or a goal that they have spiritually or whatever.
• 2:53
  Speaker 1: Small groups are also a vehicle for that stickiness and church, the concept of belonging and staying power.
• 3:01
  Speaker 1: That's very much accomplished through a small group.
• 3:05
  Speaker 1: So there's so many different spokes on this wheel of the hub of small groups and discipleship.
• 3:12
  Speaker 1: I used to just think it meant like Bible studying with someone and like praying for them at the end of it or something like that.
• 3:20
  Speaker 1: But I think what I've learned over the years is I've seen spiritual impact through very unlikely ways of people come alive when they're put in these small groups, and so that's why we're gonna focus on that.
• 3:33
  Speaker 1: You know, students can ask hard questions, wrestle with scripture, and it's like that arm in arm with other students following Jesus.
• 3:42
  Speaker 1: It's like let's do this together.
• 3:44
  Speaker 1: So how do we leverage or accelerate this discipleship process through small groups?
• 3:51
  Speaker 1: Number one is more strategic small groups.
• 3:55
  Speaker 1: So we've talked about this in the past and one concept is you know, I kind of like die inside and cringe when a youth pastor divides small groups very haphazardly or just very willy-nilly, or week to week it changes yeah and there's no consistency, because here's what an ideal small group would be it wouldn't be too big.
• 4:20
  Speaker 1: So I have a problem with that right now that I'm trying to solve One of our eighth grade girls.
• 4:25
  Speaker 1: Small groups has just exploded for very good reasons.
• 4:28
  Speaker 1: Kids came after a huge outreach event and stuck around and people are inviting their friends, which those are great growth reasons.
• 4:37
  Speaker 1: But it is now that healthy push has created an unhealthy small group, because it's like 22 girls when everyone's there, what would you normally say is a good cap.
• 4:51
  Speaker 1: I don't like to see anything over 12.
• 4:53
  Speaker 2: And that's also with a two-lead, two small group leader system, right?
• 4:57
  Speaker 1: Yes, and I think 12 is pushing it, you know.
• 4:59
  Speaker 1: But I think you can accomplish some good conversation and you know knowledge of people.
• 5:05
  Speaker 1: Maybe it's because Jesus had 12 disciples, but I just feel like over 12, like you're starting to lose them and people are slipping through the cracks again.
• 5:14
  Speaker 1: So I need to split this group.
• 5:16
  Speaker 1: So if you have small groups that are too big, chances are the level of discipleship that you could be having is not happening because your small group leaders aren't knowing students on the level that they need to, or people aren't comfortable opening up in a group that big, and so another aspect of that is those small groups have to be based off of commonalities and we've talked about that before.
• 5:42
  Speaker 1: And it's not like, hey, all the surfers in this group and all the skaters in this group.
• 5:47
  Speaker 1: It's more like you are studying the subtleties of people and you are making connections on their behalf, like you know.
• 5:58
  Speaker 1: Oh, you and you are the same brand of junior hire.
• 6:02
  Speaker 1: I'm gonna put you together.
• 6:03
  Speaker 1: Oh, these girls are all into this and you can just tell by the way they act look, dress, talk, what they're into, what school they go to, the things they're involved in.
• 6:13
  Speaker 1: They're gonna all kind of group here and you know it's never gonna be perfect.
• 6:18
  Speaker 1: Everyone's a unique individual, but you know, after 20 years of youth ministry I have noticed you can clump students together and when you base it more off of their commonality, of just like kind of core DNA, who they are, the vibe that they exude, it is a way better vehicle for discipleship because people will again like the smaller groups open up.
• 6:44
  Speaker 1: This was proved to me like a month ago when, I think Only a month ago Well, once again a month ago because there was this group of girls that are super sweet but they have a presence, you know, and they were all gone for some event and the girls that normally never talked all of a sudden were like opening up and telling their small group leader how much they love group.
• 7:14
  Speaker 1: Nothing had changed except those girls were not there, which kind of sent off a little alarm to me of huh, I wonder if we need to split this group differently because the small group leaders thought, oh, these girls just don't like to participate.
• 7:25
  Speaker 1: But they couldn't get them to stop talking Once the other girls were gone because there was an intimidation factor.
• 7:32
  Speaker 1: It's like they were like all friends and they all went to the same school.
• 7:36
  Speaker 1: And then there was these other girls.
• 7:38
  Speaker 1: They were girls, they were same grade, but they just weren't similar in their like social.
• 7:44
  Speaker 1: They weren't socially similar, you know, and so it just was like okay, we've got to be paying attention to the fine art of placing people where they need to go.
• 7:55
  Speaker 1: You can't like people sometimes say to me like about females in ministry?
• 8:00
  Speaker 1: They'll be like she's a girl, you're a girl, you guys should be friends.
• 8:03
  Speaker 1: I'm like maybe we should, I'm sure they're amazing.
• 8:07
  Speaker 1: But when men would look at like, oh, you're a girl in ministry, she's a girl in ministry, match made in heaven.
• 8:15
  Speaker 1: And I'm like, do you feel that about every single male pastor you've ever met.
• 8:20
  Speaker 1: And so it's just a very shallow way of grouping people.
• 8:24
  Speaker 1: Great and gender boom.
• 8:26
  Speaker 1: It's like, well, that's a great place to start, but we can't.
• 8:30
  Speaker 2: So let's start there.
• 8:31
  Speaker 2: Not start there, but go there for a second.
• 8:33
  Speaker 2: Do your hierarchy of breaking down a small group.
• 8:36
  Speaker 2: So first, obviously you have gender boys and girls and then you have grade.
• 8:41
  Speaker 2: And this is obviously as the group gets bigger and bigger, you're able to segment it more and more.
• 8:47
  Speaker 2: So it would be, then, commonalities.
• 8:50
  Speaker 1: Yes, okay, that would be my third.
• 8:52
  Speaker 2: I think a lot of youth pastors would maybe have a pushback on that and say but I want kids to get to know other students and having the group change Me too Right what will happen?
• 9:04
  Speaker 2: And it's a beautiful idea and, just for a second, why don't you speak into what are some of the other ways that that happens, like pre-service games or things like that?
• 9:14
  Speaker 2: What are some?
• 9:15
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I think what you're saying and I know what you're saying because you did say it but is the fact that these people will open up when you're around people you feel comfortable with, that you feel similar to, you're going to open up to your analogy there?
• 9:28
  Speaker 2: You're a female in ministry and you're a female in ministry, okay, but you're a female who's 80 years old and you're a female who's 21 years old and you grew up on the East Coast.
• 9:37
  Speaker 2: You grew up on the West Coast.
• 9:38
  Speaker 1: All of a sudden, it's like we have some interests and some similarities and we'll probably have a good conversation, but we're not going to be each other's go-to best friend, right?
• 9:48
  Speaker 2: But then all of a sudden, when you can get those people closer and closer to the same person.
• 9:51
  Speaker 2: Now we can feel free to open up, because you get me, you understand me and I think you're hitting.
• 9:56
  Speaker 1: I think you're answering your own question, because everyone is going to be friends.
• 10:00
  Speaker 1: So the 21 year old youth pastor, the 80 year old youth pastor, grew up on different.
• 10:04
  Speaker 1: They're going to be friends.
• 10:05
  Speaker 1: They're not going to be each other's confidant.
• 10:08
  Speaker 1: They're not going to be.
• 10:09
  Speaker 1: I'm going to do life and open up with you, because you don't do that with everyone, right, like there's a small handful of people that you really open up and share your struggles, share your questions, share your vulnerabilities, and that's not meant for everyone.
• 10:24
  Speaker 1: And so, while we want kids to include everyone and we want people to feel, you gave a perfect example.
• 10:33
  Speaker 1: You know pre-service games.
• 10:35
  Speaker 1: Hey, anyone can play Foursquare with us.
• 10:37
  Speaker 1: Anyone can play Gaga with us.
• 10:39
  Speaker 1: Anyone can play basketball with us or butts up or whatever we're doing.
• 10:43
  Speaker 1: Anyone could do that, the more the merrier.
• 10:46
  Speaker 1: But when I'm about to open up and share my life with you, it's going to be with someone who I can see a real relationship with, and so we want to place students in these pockets, where they are comfortable and where they want to be.
• 11:04
  Speaker 1: I don't I think we're the only ones in the room that are like let's all join arms and be best friends, but it's just not the way we're wired.
• 11:14
  Speaker 1: It's not the way human relationships work and it's not the way as adults, it's not the way our own life works, to go deeper, to go really be discipled and go and open up and share Makes total sense.
• 11:28
  Speaker 1: Yeah, so we want to play students with people that they have the highest chance of doing life with opening up, to finding common.
• 11:38
  Speaker 1: You know and it's such a hard word, I always just use the word vibe because I'm like it's not, it's almost undefinable, but when you watch people long enough, you just do know who fits with who and everyone fits with someone for the most part, Like, and it's not bad to group people based on commonalities, Like that's just not a bad thing.
• 12:01
  Speaker 1: I don't know, you know how else to say it, but to me that is the highest rate of success, of real disciple discipleship.
• 12:11
  Speaker 2: And again, that's after you've broken it down to male and female grade and then so anyways, yeah, so that's all to say, that's all.
• 12:19
  Speaker 1: number one More strategic small groups, you know.
• 12:23
  Speaker 1: And then number two make those small groups sort of what we were saying in the beginning the hub of everything you do.
• 12:28
  Speaker 1: So you know, small group strategy, effort and planning should be a top priority in your youth ministry.
• 12:38
  Speaker 1: Not like the afterthought, like we have a few minutes, like what are you guys?
• 12:41
  Speaker 1: Just like break up and like sit at different tables, like that is not strategic small groups.
• 12:46
  Speaker 1: It should be what you build your youth ministry around, not simply like what are you guys?
• 12:52
  Speaker 1: Not simply an element to be added last minute you know, when you have a few minutes at the end.
• 12:58
  Speaker 1: So here's what I mean by that Number one meet every week.
• 13:02
  Speaker 1: I think this is a fairly rare occurrence, but I know sometimes small groups don't meet every week.
• 13:08
  Speaker 1: Every time you have a program, a youth group midweek program, small groups have got to be a part of it.
• 13:15
  Speaker 1: I think there's like two throughout the year that I don't do small groups, maybe a couple more if we're doing a special event, but it's typical that it is going to happen.
• 13:24
  Speaker 1: We're going to have small groups.
• 13:26
  Speaker 1: It's going to be the same small group meeting in the same room with the same leader, leaders and the same students every single week.
• 13:35
  Speaker 1: We've got to like this is like we don't skip the message.
• 13:38
  Speaker 1: We don't skip small groups.
• 13:40
  Speaker 1: It is happening.
• 13:42
  Speaker 1: And then utilize those relationships outside of small group time in your programming, and by that I mean play games where the small groups are the teams, plan events where the small groups have to go out and do something, whether it's a small group night out or we do double dog Derethon and like the small group can host it at their house, one person's house, and they do this online competition together.
• 14:10
  Speaker 1: You're trying to find ways to connect them outside of that 30, 45 hour, whatever you're doing meeting in small groups but where are we clumping them together outside?
• 14:22
  Speaker 1: So they're building their teamwork, they're cheering together a winning and losing together, like building that relationship outside of it.
• 14:30
  Speaker 1: Getting your small group leaders to camp is huge too for building those relationships and then teach less and ask more questions.
• 14:40
  Speaker 1: So that's another way to make it Within the small group.
• 14:43
  Speaker 1: Yes, so we want to encourage leaders to use that time to ask really good questions of their students instead of like-.
• 14:54
  Speaker 2: Sermon number two.
• 14:55
  Speaker 1: Exactly.
• 14:56
  Speaker 1: It's not another sermon, it's not another talk, it's you're trying to now get them to interact with the material, which kind of brings us to number three is encourage small group leaders to be pastorally focused and that really comes from the top down, so that comes from the youth pastor to the small group leaders to say, hey, you are the pastors.
• 15:17
  Speaker 1: What is a pastor?
• 15:19
  Speaker 1: Well, we've talked about the biblical definition of that as a spiritual shepherd, someone who cares for a flock spiritually.
• 15:27
  Speaker 1: A small group is a flock.
• 15:29
  Speaker 1: A small group leader is a shepherd.
• 15:32
  Speaker 1: I would argue our small group leaders are pastors of their own little mini flocks and congregations and really empower them to say I'm here to support you doing the pastoral work of your flock and, however, that means supplying them, so training them.
• 15:49
  Speaker 1: I love Ephesians 4, 11 through 12, how it kind of talks about equipping the saints.
• 15:55
  Speaker 1: And it's our job as pastors, like we equip and then now ministry is multiplied and don't just look at it as like, oh, you know, you're just like a babysitter for a half hour or.
• 16:08
  Speaker 1: But this is now where they're gonna be pastored.
• 16:11
  Speaker 1: I'm gonna teach a lesson and you guys will all hear the lesson, then go to your small group.
• 16:15
  Speaker 1: But that's teaching.
• 16:17
  Speaker 1: Pastoring is what you're doing in small groups.
• 16:19
  Speaker 1: You know, when we start discipling that one-on-one, that life-on-life, that let's talk about how our life and the gospel intersect.
• 16:28
  Speaker 1: That's pastoring and that's what our small group leaders are doing.
• 16:31
  Speaker 1: So encourage them that this is their congregation, so they should be hyper-focused on their particular students.
• 16:39
  Speaker 1: So that means when youth group is starting, they are like laser focused on where are my students?
• 16:47
  Speaker 1: Saying hello to every single one of them, making contact.
• 16:49
  Speaker 1: And if that's the case, aside from brand new student and maybe you'd get an introduced but every single kid would have contact with someone who knew them, knew their name and knew something about them.
• 17:02
  Speaker 1: You know, nobody would be invisible.
• 17:03
  Speaker 1: And beyond that, we really wanna encourage small group leaders to contact or hang out with students outside of group.
• 17:10
  Speaker 1: Can you make it to a basketball game?
• 17:12
  Speaker 1: Can you make it to a play?
• 17:13
  Speaker 1: Can you send a text?
• 17:14
  Speaker 1: Can you send a DM?
• 17:15
  Speaker 1: Hey, how are you?
• 17:16
  Speaker 1: Anything, I can pray for you this week, you know.
• 17:20
  Speaker 1: And obviously we need to train and instruct them what boundaries are.
• 17:25
  Speaker 1: I mean, like nobody should be best friends with a 13 year old, you know.
• 17:31
  Speaker 1: But texting them and saying, how can I pray for you this week or can't wait to see you on Tuesday.
• 17:37
  Speaker 1: Are you gonna come?
• 17:38
  Speaker 1: How did your game go?
• 17:40
  Speaker 1: Something like that.
• 17:42
  Speaker 1: And then it doesn't have to go on and on, but just a quick check-in, I think is really really part of that discipleship process.
• 17:51
  Speaker 1: And you know, training them on how to lead that effective small group time too.
• 17:54
  Speaker 1: So if they are the pastors of their small group, we wanna make sure that they're being as effective as possible.
• 18:00
  Speaker 1: So you know again, training them, talk less, ask more, helping kids wrestle with the material, not just hear another lesson, but even beyond that, like how do we discipline kids in love with mercy and grace and being totally gospel, grace-focused, and instructing small group leaders, like when students come with a struggle, like let's bring them not to us but to Jesus, to the scriptures, to the gospel, like, so the day comes when you're not their small group anymore, small group leader anymore, can they navigate, like where to go when they're on their own, like they know, to go to Jesus.
• 18:46
  Speaker 1: They know, you know.
• 18:47
  Speaker 1: So those are the things that you wanna make sure your small group leaders know.
• 18:50
  Speaker 1: And that is just, I think, like a great picture of how small groups can be this vehicle for constant discipleship, every student being known, students continuing to come back and nobody comes and has the option to be invisible.
• 19:10
  Speaker 2: Yeah, that opens up first.
• 19:12
  Speaker 2: That covers a lot, but that also opens up.
• 19:13
  Speaker 2: There's a lot of episodes that we can send you to now and my brain is like exploding with ones we've done in the past, but a couple that I'm just gonna throw out real quick.
• 19:22
  Speaker 2: That I think would really be helpful.
• 19:23
  Speaker 2: We have one which is adorably called what's the big deal about small groups.
• 19:30
  Speaker 2: That's hilarious.
• 19:30
  Speaker 2: I see what I did there.
• 19:32
  Speaker 2: Another one is how to write effective talk sheets.
• 19:36
  Speaker 2: So if that's something that you're looking to do for your small group time, you just kind of wanna know how do I write effective talk sheet?
• 19:42
  Speaker 2: Then you go there.
• 19:44
  Speaker 2: And then the other one was how to kind of run a small group, like how to train your small group leaders to be able to run their small group time and kind of manage that small group, if you will, so that no one wants to do this dominating and getting kids to open up things like that.
• 20:00
  Speaker 2: So I would send you to all those places and maybe pick whichever one is the most pertinent in your life right now.
• 20:07
  Speaker 2: So let's do a question of the day.
• 20:09
  Speaker 2: This is for everybody.
• 20:11
  Speaker 2: It's a very simple one.
• 20:12
  Speaker 2: Would you rather go to the dentist or the doctor?
• 20:16
  Speaker 1: Doctor for sure.
• 20:18
  Speaker 2: And why?
• 20:19
  Speaker 1: Cause I feel like most of the time we just talk and then they like listen to my heart and that's that Like.
• 20:24
  Speaker 1: I don't feel like anything is ever like.
• 20:26
  Speaker 1: I don't really dread it.
• 20:28
  Speaker 1: But the dentist, I know they're gonna like do stuff to me and like be like it's gonna take a while and then be sitting in the chair, and then you go from the waiting room to the X-rays, to the X-rays to the dental hygienist, from the dental hygienist to the dentist, from the dentist to the billing person.
• 20:45
  Speaker 1: It's just like it's like feels like an ordeal, whereas I feel like the doctor is usually like very quick.
• 20:54
  Speaker 2: What if it's?
• 20:55
  Speaker 2: I agree, I think I'd rather go to the doctor than the dentist, cause usually when I go to the dentist I end in.
• 21:00
  Speaker 2: I leave in pain, no matter what no fat, no cavities, everything looks good.
• 21:05
  Speaker 2: I'm like well, I'm still in pain.
• 21:06
  Speaker 2: Thanks guys.
• 21:06
  Speaker 2: But I always think too, if you're going to the doctor, like if you're going to the dentist, it's usually for a checkup.
• 21:12
  Speaker 2: Things are fine.
• 21:13
  Speaker 2: You just have to go in and get a cleaning and checkup.
• 21:16
  Speaker 2: And if you go to the doctor.
• 21:17
  Speaker 2: A lot of times it's because something is wrong.
• 21:19
  Speaker 1: Yeah well, maybe not Like if you're doing an annual physical or checkup.
• 21:25
  Speaker 2: Nobody does that.
• 21:26
  Speaker 1: People do that, responsible people do.
• 21:30
  Speaker 2: I will put it in the comment section below.
• 21:31
  Speaker 2: Would you guys rather go see the dentist or the doctor and why?
• 21:36
  Speaker 2: All right, we're gonna do a community comment at the day.
• 21:39
  Speaker 2: This is really.
• 21:40
  Speaker 2: I mean, I love all the community comments that we read here on the podcast, but this one was really cool.
• 21:44
  Speaker 2: This is from Kayla Peña, who says I just got a job offer as a youth pastor and said yes to it and, truthfully, it seems as if I'm walking in this with a blindfold on my face, not having much experience, as I think I should have.
• 21:57
  Speaker 2: I came across this video and y'all have really helped me and took notes as well, so I can look back and remember.
• 22:04
  Speaker 2: So thank you guys for keeping this as real as it can be this was truly helpful.
• 22:09
  Speaker 1: As real as this can be.
• 22:11
  Speaker 1: I like the way she phrased that.
• 22:12
  Speaker 1: But hey, I'm proud of her for taking the job and, yes, I hope this podcast sorta takes the blindfold off for you and it gives you the confidence to do what you're gonna do for years and years to come.
• 22:28
  Speaker 2: Amen.
• 22:29
  Speaker 2: Well, thank you guys, so much for watching and listening and we will see you next time.
• 22:33
  Speaker 1: Today we're talking about three things to help you accelerate the grr.
• 22:37
  Speaker 1: What?
• 22:37
  Speaker 1: How can we make sure that our small, how can we make sure our students are being discipled in our youth ministry?
• 22:45
  Speaker 1: That's what.
• 22:47
  Speaker 2: Welcome to the Ministry Coach podcast, where every week we bring you practical tips.
• 22:51
  Speaker 2: Sorry,