Latest / DA CREW Podcast / APOSTLES LEE & DR KIMBERLY THOMAS-LET THE HEALING BEGIN EVERY 1ST & 3RD SUNDAY |

Transcript

APOSTLES LEE & DR KIMBERLY THOMAS-LET THE HEALING BEGIN EVERY 1ST & 3RD SUNDAY | · DA CREW Podcast

• 0:02
  Speaker 1: Welcome. Welcome. Get tuned in to The Crew, podcast and
• 0:11
  Speaker 1: media network, where voices rise, stories shine. Purpose meets the world.
• 0:18
  Speaker 2: Welcome to the crew.
• 0:20
  Speaker 1: Come on in.
• 0:21
  Speaker 3: This is where it starts.
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  Speaker 4: We are the change.
• 0:25
  Speaker 1: We are the change.
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  Speaker 3: Right here in our hearts.
• 0:29
  Speaker 4: Welcome home.
• 0:30
  Speaker 5: Welcome crew.
• 0:32
  Speaker 3: There's a place for you.
• 0:35
  Speaker 2: The crew around the world lifting every voice too.
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  Speaker 4: We make space for the voiceless.
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  Speaker 3: Hope for the undeserved.
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  Speaker 4: Real talk, real stories. Every voice deserves to be heard.
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  Speaker 1: Streaming live, we on the move.
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  Speaker 5: Facebook, Twitch, kick YouTube.
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  Speaker 4: From the mic to the nations.
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  Speaker 3: We build transformation. Change begins with us. Faith, purpose, power, trust.
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  Speaker 6: Seen around the world tonight.
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  Speaker 4: It's time to open your heart. Speak truth, stand in faith,
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  Speaker 4: and let the healing begin. Every first and third Sunday,
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  Speaker 4: 8 p.m. Eastern Time, Apostle Lee and Dr. Kimberly bring
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  Speaker 4: healing to your mind.
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  Speaker 5: Podcast network youtube facebook kick and twitch fake truth and
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  Speaker 5: real relationships this is what your spirit's been missing.
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  Speaker 3: Let the healing begin.
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  Speaker 6: Let the truth be told.
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  Speaker 5: Let faith rise up.
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  Speaker 2: And restore your soul.
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  Speaker 3: Isn't her perspective.
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  Speaker 4: Wisdom from above.
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  Speaker 5: Talking like pain.
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  Speaker 3: Family and love.
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  Speaker 6: It's time.
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  Speaker 3: Let the healing begin.
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  Speaker 6: Let the healing begin.
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  Speaker 2: Apostle Lee brings the word with grace Biblical truth for
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  Speaker 2: the trials we face Dr. Kimberly speaks life to the
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  Speaker 2: heart Restoring the broken, a brand new start From Tallahassee
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  Speaker 2: roots to the world online They're sharing real talk, one
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  Speaker 2: soul at a time Spiritual growth and practical advice Helping you.
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  Speaker 5: Heal and walk in new life.
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  Speaker 6: Relationships forgiveness family and faith real life challenges covered by
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  Speaker 6: grace raw truth real answers healing within come to the
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  Speaker 6: table let the healing begin let the truth be told.
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  Speaker 3: Hey, good evening, good evening, everyone, and welcome to another
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  Speaker 3: episode of Let the Healing Begin. We are your hosts,
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  Speaker 3: Lee and Kimberly Thomas, and we are so grateful to
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  Speaker 3: be here with you guys tonight. We are glad that
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  Speaker 3: you have joined us tonight for another episode of Let
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  Speaker 3: the Healing Begin. Well, let's start with our disclaimer. We
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  Speaker 3: do not. We do not. We do not. We do
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  Speaker 3: not claim to have the monopoly on this thing called marriage,
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  Speaker 3: nor have we mastered it. Have not. But what we
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  Speaker 3: do have is a marriage. We have experience. We have
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  Speaker 3: some years together. And most of all, we have a
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  Speaker 3: mandate from God. And so we are here tonight for
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  Speaker 3: another episode of Let the Healing Begin. We have... great
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  Speaker 3: show that we have developed tonight um and we hope
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  Speaker 3: that you guys will enjoy the topic tonight it is
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  Speaker 3: a real a real topic that a lot of us
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  Speaker 3: don't really touch and we may not really understand the
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  Speaker 3: reason for some of the breakdowns in our marriage so
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  Speaker 3: tonight we are going to get started and our topic
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  Speaker 3: tonight is when communication breaks down when communication breaks down
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  Speaker 3: And the thing is the things that we don't say,
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  Speaker 3: the things that we don't say are some of the
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  Speaker 3: most important things that are damaging our marriages. They are
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  Speaker 3: damaging our marriages. And these are the things that we
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  Speaker 3: often leave unspoken. So tonight we're going to start with
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  Speaker 3: that because this is truly a great big topic for
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  Speaker 3: a lot of marriages. the things that we don't say
• 5:39
  Speaker 3: when our communication breaks down. We talk often about communication
• 5:45
  Speaker 3: and the fact that communication is key. It's key to
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  Speaker 3: every marriage. And sometimes, you know, you have to have
• 5:52
  Speaker 3: those hard conversations in order to have a healthy, a
• 5:58
  Speaker 3: healthy marriage and in order for the healing to take
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  Speaker 3: place when marriages are broken. So we're going to get
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  Speaker 3: started tonight and we're going to talk about one of
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  Speaker 3: the biggest things that we often hear during some of
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  Speaker 3: our counseling sessions is the fact that some of our
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  Speaker 3: clients say because they've gone through some things, some transitions,
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  Speaker 3: some transformations in their marriage is I don't know how
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  Speaker 3: to forgive you. I don't know how to forgive you.
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  Speaker 3: So When we get to that place, that's a place
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  Speaker 3: that we have to have hard conversations. Because when you
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  Speaker 3: don't know how to forgive the person that you have
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  Speaker 3: taken vows to love, honor, to cherish, to do you
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  Speaker 3: part in sickness and in health. So that means that
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  Speaker 3: you're doing this. I mean, even in the worst times,
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  Speaker 3: you have to be able to get past some of
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  Speaker 3: the hurts that and some of the things that have
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  Speaker 3: taken place in your marriage. But in order for that
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  Speaker 3: to happen, you have to communicate. So when we get
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  Speaker 3: to that place of, I don't know how to forgive you,
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  Speaker 3: what are you thinking? What are you thinking?
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  Speaker 1: Well, first and foremost, if your relationship has gotten to
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  Speaker 1: a place to where you cannot forgive your mate, You
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  Speaker 1: need to look in the mirror. See, because how can
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  Speaker 1: you love or forgive somebody if you can't love or
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  Speaker 1: forgive yourself? If you allowed your relationship to break down
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  Speaker 1: and there was a breakdown in the relationship, we must
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  Speaker 1: remember one thing. It takes two. So where did you
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  Speaker 1: error at? Or where did you allow your mate to
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  Speaker 1: error at? Because if we're together... You're supposed to talk
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  Speaker 1: to me. I'm supposed to talk to you. And I
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  Speaker 1: don't want to have that relationship to where I hope
• 8:12
  Speaker 1: and I pray that things will get better. Not with
• 8:16
  Speaker 1: both of my eyes open. I see it clearly. And
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  Speaker 1: I'm saying maybe, hopefully, they'll change. But if you don't
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  Speaker 1: open your mouth, things typically progress and it gets worse sometimes.
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  Speaker 1: And when it gets worse and then it gets to
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  Speaker 1: the point to where it's about to explode and it
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  Speaker 1: expanded as far as it can go and now it's
• 8:44
  Speaker 1: about to rip and poof, everything spills out. Now, here's
• 8:50
  Speaker 1: the part that's bad. You held your tongue. They kept going. Now,
• 8:58
  Speaker 1: you exploded and they wonder, like, what is wrong with you? Yeah.
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  Speaker 3: And that's so true. It takes two. And so a
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  Speaker 3: lot of times when we are on the receiving end
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  Speaker 3: of the offense, we tend to never look at ourselves.
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  Speaker 3: We never look at anything that we have done that
• 9:28
  Speaker 3: may have cost. And not all the time we do things,
• 9:32
  Speaker 3: but there's always that place. where we have to check ourselves.
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  Speaker 3: We have to check ourselves and then we have to
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  Speaker 3: make the determination as to what part do we play
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  Speaker 3: in that? Was my part keeping silent when my feelings
• 9:48
  Speaker 3: was hurt? Was my part not expressing the fact that
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  Speaker 3: I was offended or I was afraid or I was
• 9:59
  Speaker 3: disappointed with certain things? What was my part that I
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  Speaker 3: played in that? And so when the offense comes, it's
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  Speaker 3: very difficult for us to say, hey, I forgive you.
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  Speaker 3: Because a lot of times what we'll say is I'll
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  Speaker 3: forgive you, but I'll never forget it. So if you
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  Speaker 3: never forget, then that means that you really and truly
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  Speaker 3: never forgave. Because the Bible tells us that when we
• 10:26
  Speaker 3: seek forgiveness, that Jesus takes that forgiveness and he casts
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  Speaker 3: it in the sea of forgetfulness. He does not remember
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  Speaker 3: that anymore. And so when we want forgiveness, we have
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  Speaker 3: to extend forgiveness. And so many times we can't do that.
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  Speaker 3: We can't forget about the past. We can't forget about
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  Speaker 3: what you did, what you said, how you said this.
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  Speaker 3: And then the thing is, we won't forgive, but we
• 11:00
  Speaker 3: never think about. Because the thing is, there's always that
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  Speaker 3: back and forth. When we start arguing, nine times out
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  Speaker 3: of 10, both parties... Both parties have something to add
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  Speaker 3: to the heated fellowship. And sometimes when we're in the
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  Speaker 3: midst of that heated fellowship, there are all kinds of
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  Speaker 3: words that are thrown. And one thing about that, you
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  Speaker 3: can't press the rewind button and think that you can
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  Speaker 3: take it back because once you have said it, it's
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  Speaker 3: out there. And one of the things that I often
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  Speaker 3: say People say, well, you know me, what comes up
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  Speaker 3: comes out. No, you just showed me and told me
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  Speaker 3: the essence of your heart because your heart just spoke
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  Speaker 3: from your mouth. So it flowed from the issues of
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  Speaker 3: your heart. So what was in your heart just came up.
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  Speaker 3: And even though you may have been in the place where,
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  Speaker 3: you know, we're arguing and we're going back and forth,
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  Speaker 3: and a lot of us keep score, we go back
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  Speaker 3: to 1982. And we want to pull things from 1982
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  Speaker 3: and bring them up here. And now we're saying, well,
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  Speaker 3: you know what? I can't trust you.
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  Speaker 1: Okay. That was a good point when you said they
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  Speaker 1: went back to 1982. So therefore, you have all these
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  Speaker 1: unresolved issues. So how can you possibly say you even
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  Speaker 1: have a relationship because you're not giving of yourself what
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  Speaker 1: you should? You holding on to something way back there
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  Speaker 1: that they thought was dead and you resurrected it. So
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  Speaker 1: are you being fair to this individual because you hadn't
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  Speaker 1: hashed that out? And then is it really that you
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  Speaker 1: can't forgive me or you can't forgive yourself? Because you
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  Speaker 1: know what?
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  Speaker 7: You never let go of what was done and you
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  Speaker 7: are envious of the other individual because they're living a good,
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  Speaker 7: happy life, you know, and they think everything is good.
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  Speaker 7: But you're holding on to yesterday, which you can do
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  Speaker 7: nothing with. And then you're mad because they're happy and
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  Speaker 7: you choose. That's the thing.
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  Speaker 1: You choose. Jesus died so you can have a choice.
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  Speaker 1: You choose to hold on to yesterday, something you can
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  Speaker 1: do nothing with. You want to resurrect what was already dead.
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  Speaker 1: You want to hold on to something that just ain't
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  Speaker 1: going to grow. But you are allowing yourself to be
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  Speaker 1: in this stagnated state way back there in the Ice Age.
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  Speaker 1: They're living in the millennium of today. And they wonder, like,
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  Speaker 1: she's just an unhappy soul. Or he's an unhappy soul.
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  Speaker 1: And then all of a sudden, I'm done. I can't
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  Speaker 1: trust you. Well, honestly, can they trust you? Because I
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  Speaker 1: thought we was good. And you're still back there. See,
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  Speaker 1: we have these issues that you want to make an
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  Speaker 1: issue that's not really an issue, at least not to
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  Speaker 1: the other individual.
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  Speaker 3: And that is so true. You know, you spoke volumes
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  Speaker 3: right there. Is it that you can't forgive them or
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  Speaker 3: you can't forgive yourself? Because a lot of times it's us.
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  Speaker 3: We can't forgive ourselves because we feel like, oh, I
• 14:39
  Speaker 3: was so crazy. I was so stupid. You know, I
• 14:42
  Speaker 3: should have known this. I should have seen this. You know,
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  Speaker 3: I knew this was happening. And sometimes it's our imagination.
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  Speaker 3: Because of what we dealt with in the past with
• 14:57
  Speaker 3: somebody else. And so automatically we're putting, we're casting that
• 15:02
  Speaker 3: light on our mass from past relationships. And so now,
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  Speaker 3: you know, it's like, I can't forgive myself because I
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  Speaker 3: can't believe that I found myself in this situation again.
• 15:16
  Speaker 3: And I said I would never go through this. I
• 15:18
  Speaker 3: said that, you know, the last time was going to
• 15:20
  Speaker 3: be the last time. But now here we are 20
• 15:24
  Speaker 3: more times in, you know, and these are the things
• 15:27
  Speaker 3: that we have to think about because this is a
• 15:29
  Speaker 3: breakdown in communication because you never express the fact that
• 15:34
  Speaker 3: you even had a problem. You never expressed the fact
• 15:37
  Speaker 3: that you were feeling some kind of way because you
• 15:41
  Speaker 3: just was like, okay, well, I'm glad we got through
• 15:43
  Speaker 3: that after 10 days of not speaking to each other.
• 15:46
  Speaker 3: Now we back talking again, you know, and I can
• 15:48
  Speaker 3: stop walking around you in the house like you invisible
• 15:52
  Speaker 3: and you don't exist. Don't touch me. Don't bump me.
• 15:54
  Speaker 3: Don't look at me. Get your own bologna sandwich or whatever.
• 15:58
  Speaker 3: We have gotten past that. So now, you know, here
• 16:02
  Speaker 3: we are. We good. So that's what you tell yourself.
• 16:06
  Speaker 3: And when your mate asks you, are we good? You lie. Yeah,
• 16:12
  Speaker 3: we're good. Yeah, we're good.
• 16:15
  Speaker 1: We're good. No, what happens is you're not good. You're
• 16:18
  Speaker 1: just figuring out a way to put something else in
• 16:21
  Speaker 1: your goodie bag. That's the good part. We good right
• 16:24
  Speaker 1: there because I'm waiting for the shoe to drop.
• 16:27
  Speaker 3: Yeah, we're good right now. Until the next time.
• 16:30
  Speaker 1: Right. Well, I was waiting on the shoe to drop
• 16:32
  Speaker 1: because you're waiting for something else to happen. So you
• 16:35
  Speaker 1: are actually a gun waiting for the next bullet to
• 16:39
  Speaker 1: be put in the chamber so you can pull the trigger.
• 16:43
  Speaker 1: So that means you're not being fair to yourself. And
• 16:47
  Speaker 1: if you are being fair to yourself, you're not being
• 16:50
  Speaker 1: fair to the one that you're with. Because here's the thing.
• 16:54
  Speaker 1: Sometimes people don't even know that they're doing nothing wrong.
• 16:58
  Speaker 1: And then sometimes, on the other hand, I'm not going
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  Speaker 1: to say this to you because I already know you're
• 17:03
  Speaker 1: going to go out there. You kept that back in 1982.
• 17:08
  Speaker 1: Why would I tell you what's happening down here in 2022? See,
• 17:13
  Speaker 1: and we ain't even up to 26 yet. But then
• 17:16
  Speaker 1: when you happen to find out, now you're losing your
• 17:20
  Speaker 1: whole mind. And the first thing that you hear, that's
• 17:23
  Speaker 1: why I didn't tell you. You see how you're acting now?
• 17:27
  Speaker 1: And then The individual get called a lie. So you've
• 17:31
  Speaker 1: been holding this and you've been holding that, but no,
• 17:33
  Speaker 1: you're not mature enough to handle the truth.
• 17:37
  Speaker 3: Maturity. That speaks volumes, maturity. And that's what it takes.
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  Speaker 3: In a marriage, you have to be mature. You have
• 17:45
  Speaker 3: to be mature enough to have the hard conversations because
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  Speaker 3: so many times we will not. We will not have
• 17:52
  Speaker 3: the hard conversations. We will not talk. We don't want
• 17:55
  Speaker 3: to go through this. I don't want to deal with it.
• 17:58
  Speaker 3: You know, I'm just going to let it be or whatever.
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  Speaker 3: And then you find yourself in a place of being disappointed.
• 18:05
  Speaker 3: You find yourself in a place where, you know what,
• 18:08
  Speaker 3: I'm just disappointed. I'm not satisfied in this relationship anymore.
• 18:13
  Speaker 3: And then when the question comes up, why, you have
• 18:18
  Speaker 3: no reason. I'm just not satisfied. I just don't want
• 18:22
  Speaker 3: to do it no more. I just can't do it anymore.
• 18:24
  Speaker 3: But why?
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  Speaker 1: But even in that right there, when you said about
• 18:27
  Speaker 1: the why, you know a lot of people stay in
• 18:30
  Speaker 1: the relationship and go through these life-wrenching troubles because they
• 18:37
  Speaker 1: have children. And, well, I'm not going to let nobody
• 18:42
  Speaker 1: raise my children. I'm not going to... Well, let me
• 18:45
  Speaker 1: ask you a question. What happens when the children get grown?
• 18:48
  Speaker 1: And they live in their life. And your life has
• 18:51
  Speaker 1: passed away. I have found out that you can take
• 18:57
  Speaker 1: care of your kids whether you're there or not. You know,
• 19:00
  Speaker 1: because if you're unhappy, don't you realize that you're making
• 19:03
  Speaker 1: your children unhappy as well?
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  Speaker 7: Because they're looking at you.
• 19:07
  Speaker 1: You're not happy and she's not happy. So we're not happy.
• 19:11
  Speaker 1: There ain't no happiness in the house. We're out here faking.
• 19:13
  Speaker 1: We see a couple. Oh, you're doing. And then they go, oh, God,
• 19:17
  Speaker 1: thank you. Really? I mean, come on, man. Right.
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  Speaker 3: And, you know, you can only pretend for so long.
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  Speaker 3: And a lot of times you think that you're really
• 19:29
  Speaker 3: pretending in public, but people see through that. They see
• 19:33
  Speaker 3: through it. They can tell genuine love from just something
• 19:36
  Speaker 3: that's put together and you want to play make-believe and, oh,
• 19:39
  Speaker 3: we're going to walk out here like one big happy
• 19:42
  Speaker 3: family and it's all good. You know, people are not,
• 19:45
  Speaker 3: people are not blind for one. And a lot of
• 19:49
  Speaker 3: times people are not crazy because they see you, they
• 19:53
  Speaker 3: see you, they see your life, they see your interaction
• 19:57
  Speaker 3: with each other. And so these are the things that
• 20:00
  Speaker 3: you have to think about. These are all communication breakdowns
• 20:04
  Speaker 3: when we cannot just talk to each other when we're
• 20:08
  Speaker 3: not mature enough to have the hard conversations. These are
• 20:11
  Speaker 3: uncomfortable places. Even when you're in a relationship or when
• 20:17
  Speaker 3: you're in a marriage and you're saying, you know, I'm lonely.
• 20:23
  Speaker 3: I'm lonely in this marriage. Okay, let's talk about that.
• 20:27
  Speaker 3: Why are you lonely? We're both here together. We're here
• 20:30
  Speaker 3: together every day. Every night, you know, we go to bed,
• 20:34
  Speaker 3: we sleep together, we wake up, we get up together,
• 20:40
  Speaker 3: we walk around each other in the kitchen in the
• 20:43
  Speaker 3: morning and fixing coffee, fixing tea, getting some breakfast or whatever,
• 20:47
  Speaker 3: getting prepared for work. And, you know, we say our,
• 20:52
  Speaker 3: you know, I'll see you later or whatever. Get a
• 20:54
  Speaker 3: little peck on the cheek or on the lips and
• 20:57
  Speaker 3: you're off to your job. They're off to their job.
• 21:00
  Speaker 3: But then now you say you're lonely. And so when
• 21:03
  Speaker 3: we as women say, hey, I'm lonely, the man is saying,
• 21:07
  Speaker 3: what do you mean?
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  Speaker 1: I'm here. I'm here.
• 21:09
  Speaker 3: What do you mean? What do you mean you're lonely?
• 21:12
  Speaker 3: We're right here together. What you mean?
• 21:16
  Speaker 1: And he asked the question, what you mean? I thought
• 21:20
  Speaker 1: we was good. So the thing of it is, you know,
• 21:26
  Speaker 1: I don't want to be with you no more. And
• 21:28
  Speaker 1: I don't know how to tell you I don't want
• 21:30
  Speaker 1: to be with you. Because we're still in that childish
• 21:33
  Speaker 1: stage to where, you know what? I know it's not working.
• 21:37
  Speaker 1: You know it's not working. But I don't want to
• 21:39
  Speaker 1: be the first one to say it's done. Although I'll
• 21:42
  Speaker 1: be elated that it's over with. So I can go
• 21:45
  Speaker 1: on and be free so I can breathe. But then
• 21:49
  Speaker 1: at the same time, what's tied to me? Why are
• 21:53
  Speaker 1: you not grown up to say that, you know, we've
• 21:55
  Speaker 1: grown apart and we're trying to make this relationship work?
• 22:03
  Speaker 1: When it's real, you don't have to make it work. Exactly.
• 22:07
  Speaker 1: It's going to work regardless.
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  Speaker 3: Right. It just works.
• 22:10
  Speaker 1: It just works. You know, there's no road map. You know,
• 22:13
  Speaker 1: there's no diagrams. It's a connection. And if you don't
• 22:19
  Speaker 1: have a connection with the Lord, then you won't have
• 22:23
  Speaker 1: a connection with your mate. Right.
• 22:26
  Speaker 3: When you said that, that's what came to my mind.
• 22:29
  Speaker 3: You know, what God has joined together.
• 22:32
  Speaker 1: Exactly.
• 22:33
  Speaker 3: Let no man put asunder. Not even you. Don't you
• 22:37
  Speaker 3: be the man to tear it apart. And that's the thing.
• 22:41
  Speaker 3: what God has joined together. So many marriages were not
• 22:45
  Speaker 3: joined by God. So many marriages were joined by sex.
• 22:51
  Speaker 3: They were joined by finances. They were joined by status.
• 22:57
  Speaker 3: They were joined by friendships. You was the friend of
• 23:03
  Speaker 3: my friend and my friend knew that I was lonely
• 23:05
  Speaker 3: and needed a man and you just fell into place.
• 23:08
  Speaker 3: And now, you know, hey, We're going to make it
• 23:11
  Speaker 3: do what it do and vice versa. So many marriages
• 23:17
  Speaker 3: were not made. They were not. They were not ordained
• 23:23
  Speaker 3: by God. So many marriages God did not put together.
• 23:27
  Speaker 3: And that's the thing. You have to be honest enough
• 23:30
  Speaker 3: and be mature enough to say, this was my marriage.
• 23:34
  Speaker 3: This was not God's marriage because the Bible says, He
• 23:39
  Speaker 3: who finds a wife, he who finds a wife finds
• 23:43
  Speaker 3: a good thing and obtains favor of the Lord. And
• 23:48
  Speaker 3: so this is the thing that you have to understand.
• 23:50
  Speaker 3: He didn't say she who finds a husband. And so
• 23:54
  Speaker 3: many women, you running after these men, trying to make
• 23:57
  Speaker 3: a man marry you, trying to make a man be
• 24:00
  Speaker 3: your husband. You done ran this man down. You done
• 24:05
  Speaker 3: had 10,000 babies for this man. And you have changed
• 24:09
  Speaker 3: your whole life, done everything that you possibly can, including
• 24:13
  Speaker 3: losing yourself and your identity to say, I got a husband.
• 24:21
  Speaker 3: I got a man. That's not biblical. He didn't tell
• 24:26
  Speaker 3: you to go find nobody. He got the man for you.
• 24:30
  Speaker 3: And when the man finds you, His wife, when the
• 24:36
  Speaker 3: man finds his wife, there's going to be ups and downs.
• 24:43
  Speaker 3: There's going to be challenges. But one thing about it,
• 24:47
  Speaker 3: you can get through it. And that's when you get
• 24:50
  Speaker 3: mature enough to understand that the hard conversations are necessary.
• 24:58
  Speaker 1: Oh yeah.
• 24:58
  Speaker 3: They are necessary. And when I tell you that there
• 25:02
  Speaker 3: are going to be many hard, uncomfortable conversations in your
• 25:07
  Speaker 3: marriage that are going to be necessary. If you want
• 25:11
  Speaker 3: to be in this thing called a marriage, you're going
• 25:14
  Speaker 3: to have to, you're going to have some heated fellowship.
• 25:17
  Speaker 3: And sometime that heated fellowship is going to end up
• 25:19
  Speaker 3: being an argument. And you're going to have to be
• 25:22
  Speaker 3: able to just walk away in an agreement with that
• 25:27
  Speaker 3: we understand that we're two different people. We don't always
• 25:32
  Speaker 3: see things eye to eye. We may not always be
• 25:35
  Speaker 3: able to hash it out and my solution is the
• 25:40
  Speaker 3: solution that was chosen. But even if my solution is
• 25:44
  Speaker 3: not the solution that was chosen, I don't just ball
• 25:47
  Speaker 3: it up and throw the whole marriage in the garbage.
• 25:50
  Speaker 3: That's not what we do. That's not what mature people do.
• 25:54
  Speaker 3: That's not what people that really want to be in
• 25:57
  Speaker 3: this thing called marriage do. That's not what we do.
• 26:00
  Speaker 3: We learn how to work through it. We learn how
• 26:08
  Speaker 3: to be able to navigate around some of our issues.
• 26:13
  Speaker 3: We go to God and take the problem and the
• 26:16
  Speaker 3: situation to God. God, we are at an impact. And
• 26:23
  Speaker 3: I don't want to be mad. I don't want to
• 26:26
  Speaker 3: be upset. I don't want to walk around and act
• 26:31
  Speaker 3: like these 200 plus pounds don't exist or they're invisible
• 26:35
  Speaker 3: because I can see them. I see all this. I
• 26:40
  Speaker 3: don't want to walk around like he's invisible. But have
• 26:46
  Speaker 3: we done it? Yes. Have we? Yes. When we were
• 26:52
  Speaker 3: very immature in our marriage. Oh, my God.
• 26:55
  Speaker 1: Yes, we did.
• 26:58
  Speaker 3: Don't don't don't touch me.
• 26:59
  Speaker 4: I don't.
• 27:02
  Speaker 3: You want something to eat?
• 27:04
  Speaker 1: OK.
• 27:04
  Speaker 3: All right.
• 27:05
  Speaker 1: Sure.
• 27:06
  Speaker 3: I'm going to still do this. I'm going to fix
• 27:09
  Speaker 3: you something to eat. Now, I don't know what it's
• 27:11
  Speaker 3: going to taste like because it ain't going to taste
• 27:13
  Speaker 3: like no love is in it. It's not. It's not
• 27:16
  Speaker 3: going to taste like love is in it because of
• 27:18
  Speaker 3: the simple fact that at this moment, I really don't
• 27:20
  Speaker 3: like you. And you got to be honest. You got
• 27:25
  Speaker 3: to be honest. We get to that point sometimes. I
• 27:28
  Speaker 3: just don't like you. I don't like what you did.
• 27:31
  Speaker 3: But you know what? We won't say that. We won't
• 27:34
  Speaker 3: say it. We'll just keep walking around and we'll pout
• 27:38
  Speaker 3: like little kids.
• 27:40
  Speaker 1: Well, I'm going to tell you like this. Me and
• 27:44
  Speaker 1: And winning. Don't walk around doing no power.
• 27:48
  Speaker 3: Exactly.
• 27:49
  Speaker 1: Don't be holding nothing back. I didn't say be ugly.
• 27:53
  Speaker 4: But.
• 27:53
  Speaker 1: Yes. Say what's on your mind. Yes. Because a person
• 27:57
  Speaker 1: can't read your thoughts. Now I can read your body language.
• 28:01
  Speaker 1: Remember now body language speaks real loud sometimes. Don't go
• 28:05
  Speaker 1: cook your husband some goop neither. I can tell you
• 28:08
  Speaker 1: that right now. Because you get mad if he go
• 28:11
  Speaker 1: get some real food over there. See. I've heard down
• 28:17
  Speaker 1: through the years, I don't care how mad I got
• 28:20
  Speaker 1: at my husband, I made sure I cooked for him
• 28:23
  Speaker 1: and I did or performed my womanly duties, but he
• 28:27
  Speaker 1: understood I was mad. Okay, I can get with that because,
• 28:31
  Speaker 1: you know, we're going to always get along. But all
• 28:33
  Speaker 1: that power and walking around, we're not talking and all
• 28:35
  Speaker 1: that right there. Come on, stop being 12 years old.
• 28:39
  Speaker 1: You're grown. Say what's on your mind. Say what you want.
• 28:43
  Speaker 1: Say what you need. and move on. You know, because
• 28:49
  Speaker 1: you're not aggravating nobody but yourself. The next day you
• 28:54
  Speaker 1: at work, you can't even do your job for thinking
• 28:56
  Speaker 1: about what you should have said or could have said
• 28:59
  Speaker 1: or what they doing because now they won't answer the
• 29:02
  Speaker 1: phone and all that. I ain't got no time for
• 29:06
  Speaker 1: none of that. You know what I'm saying? Look, this
• 29:09
  Speaker 1: is what it is. And people look at you and say, well,
• 29:12
  Speaker 1: you don't, no, no, look, You cook that, I ain't
• 29:15
  Speaker 1: like it. It wasn't good. I ain't going to be
• 29:18
  Speaker 1: sitting trying to spare your feelings and my stomach saying, no, no, no.
• 29:22
  Speaker 1: That's out. Telling you right now. I'm not going to
• 29:25
  Speaker 1: be telling you, oh, it's cool. I'll go with you
• 29:27
  Speaker 1: and all that. Listen here. I'm not a Siamese twin.
• 29:32
  Speaker 1: I wasn't born with you. Sometimes I don't want to go.
• 29:40
  Speaker 1: Not going. If you get mad, that's you and your problem.
• 29:45
  Speaker 1: I'm good because why would I make myself feel some
• 29:48
  Speaker 1: kind of way when I don't want to? If we're
• 29:52
  Speaker 1: here together, sometimes we're going to do it and sometimes
• 29:57
  Speaker 1: we're not. Simple as that. Yeah. Because I'm going to
• 30:01
  Speaker 1: make me miserable to make you happy. No. Baby, I
• 30:07
  Speaker 1: don't want to do that. And that's just that simple. Now,
• 30:10
  Speaker 1: sometimes I'm going to go. But if you know me,
• 30:15
  Speaker 1: then you know that I ain't with that one. But
• 30:18
  Speaker 1: if we're together 100%, everything is good. Learn to talk
• 30:24
  Speaker 1: and just say it. Learn to disagree agreeably and move on.
• 30:30
  Speaker 1: Say what it is and then get out them paper
• 30:33
  Speaker 1: bag feelings about, oh yeah, you said that, but okay,
• 30:37
  Speaker 1: I can't wait. I'm coming home late tonight. Okay, donkey,
• 30:40
  Speaker 1: come home late. You forget the same person that you
• 30:44
  Speaker 1: came home to and don't want to come home to
• 30:47
  Speaker 1: and this men and women know that you can be replaced.
• 30:52
  Speaker 1: I used to be one of them guys. I was
• 30:54
  Speaker 1: the replacer. Because I can look at you and see, oh,
• 30:57
  Speaker 1: it ain't working over there. And I kind of like
• 31:00
  Speaker 1: her anyway. So what you do? Little simple stuff. She
• 31:06
  Speaker 1: ain't got lunch money all week long. That man ain't
• 31:08
  Speaker 1: bought you nothing to eat, baby. And I ain't going
• 31:10
  Speaker 1: to ask you. I'm going to bring you something anyway.
• 31:13
  Speaker 1: I know you're hungry. And after a while, attention. It
• 31:18
  Speaker 1: ain't that they want to go nowhere. But see, you
• 31:21
  Speaker 1: left her out there. Or you left him out there.
• 31:25
  Speaker 1: People are looking at you. So if you gave your
• 31:29
  Speaker 1: relationship away, that's your fault. He or she left me
• 31:34
  Speaker 1: for them.
• 31:36
  Speaker 3: No.
• 31:37
  Speaker 1: You gave it away. Because you want to act like
• 31:41
  Speaker 1: you are gold. You get to know better than me. Okay,
• 31:45
  Speaker 1: but guess what? You said you was lonely. Why is that?
• 31:50
  Speaker 1: Something to think about that.
• 31:52
  Speaker 2: It is.
• 31:53
  Speaker 7: Mm-hmm.
• 31:54
  Speaker 3: One thing that you said that really stuck out to
• 31:58
  Speaker 3: me is that even in communications, we need to tell
• 32:03
  Speaker 3: our truth. But don't be ugly. You can tell your
• 32:08
  Speaker 3: truth without hurting one another's feelings to the point of
• 32:13
  Speaker 3: that you intentionally. Now, there are going to be times
• 32:17
  Speaker 3: because the truth is offensive. Your feelings will be hurt.
• 32:21
  Speaker 3: In the midst of the conversation. But to just be
• 32:24
  Speaker 3: brutally nasty for just because.
• 32:29
  Speaker 1: No, because you want to go do something else.
• 32:32
  Speaker 3: Just because I can do it. That's not what we're saying.
• 32:37
  Speaker 3: We want you to be honest. Be honest. And we
• 32:41
  Speaker 3: know that truth hurts. But the thing is, you're not
• 32:44
  Speaker 3: intentionally trying to stick a dagger in somebody and twist it.
• 32:49
  Speaker 3: That's not the goal. And you cannot avoid these types
• 32:56
  Speaker 3: of conversations if you truly want the healing to begin.
• 33:01
  Speaker 3: You cannot avoid these. These are conversations that you must have.
• 33:06
  Speaker 1: You said, tell the truth. But be true to thyself.
• 33:12
  Speaker 1: Don't lie to yourself. Tell the whole truth. You know
• 33:15
  Speaker 1: you don't like it. You know you don't want it.
• 33:17
  Speaker 1: So why are you still in it? Oh, because you've
• 33:21
  Speaker 1: allowed yourself to get in a situation where you can't
• 33:23
  Speaker 1: afford to get out. That's a situation for you right
• 33:27
  Speaker 1: there now. But in the midst of that, don't get
• 33:31
  Speaker 1: mad at the individual you with because you allowed yourself
• 33:35
  Speaker 1: to get there. I heard something earlier about, you know what,
• 33:40
  Speaker 1: I told you. You keep playing with my heart, I
• 33:44
  Speaker 1: was going to break yours and you're going to be
• 33:46
  Speaker 1: mad about it. Because the tables have turned. Don't live
• 33:52
  Speaker 1: that situation right there because it ain't good at all.
• 33:55
  Speaker 3: It's not. It really isn't. Don't use honesty to weaponize
• 34:02
  Speaker 3: the whole conversation. You should not use that as a weapon.
• 34:09
  Speaker 3: You know, now here I am. Okay, I know this
• 34:12
  Speaker 3: is in and out. I got the dagger and I'm
• 34:14
  Speaker 3: just going to turn it. Because I want to continue
• 34:18
  Speaker 3: to inflict harm and continue to inflict pain. That's not
• 34:22
  Speaker 3: what we're doing here. That's not how healing begins. Healing
• 34:26
  Speaker 3: begins when we can be honest and we can be
• 34:30
  Speaker 3: honest to the point to where we are still respectful.
• 34:37
  Speaker 3: We are still in a place to where we want
• 34:41
  Speaker 3: to put it all on the table. And listen, I know, honey,
• 34:46
  Speaker 3: I know this is a hard conversation for us right here.
• 34:50
  Speaker 3: We need to talk about this. And yeah, we might
• 34:56
  Speaker 3: walk away with hurt feelings, but you know what? We
• 34:59
  Speaker 3: still love each other.
• 35:01
  Speaker 1: And feelings are here. But see, the thing of it
• 35:04
  Speaker 1: is know that somebody's going to Have enough in you
• 35:09
  Speaker 1: to know that they're going to tell you the truth.
• 35:12
  Speaker 6: Yeah.
• 35:12
  Speaker 1: At least you know the truth. And if someone happens
• 35:16
  Speaker 1: to come to you with something, oh, yeah, I already
• 35:20
  Speaker 1: know that. So why are you coming at me with that?
• 35:24
  Speaker 1: Have somebody that you can tell the truth to and
• 35:27
  Speaker 1: receive the truth and know that you can better your
• 35:30
  Speaker 1: situation or better yet our situation instead of playing games
• 35:35
  Speaker 1: with yourself. Now you got a whole decade with somebody
• 35:42
  Speaker 1: and then you realize that, you know what, you've been
• 35:44
  Speaker 1: living a lie.
• 35:47
  Speaker 3: Yeah. In order for us to have these types of conversations,
• 35:55
  Speaker 3: in order for us to realize that, that our communication
• 35:59
  Speaker 3: has broken down, that these are the very things that
• 36:03
  Speaker 3: are keeping us in this place because we remain silent.
• 36:08
  Speaker 3: We get to the place to where we carry around
• 36:12
  Speaker 3: so much unspoken, so much unspoken hurt, so much unspoken, um, offenses.
• 36:25
  Speaker 3: We carry around all these things. These are the things
• 36:29
  Speaker 3: that we just drag around from place to place and
• 36:33
  Speaker 3: we allow them to fester. We allow them to continue.
• 36:37
  Speaker 3: We build up. And even in some marriages, you keep score.
• 36:43
  Speaker 3: You keep score and you're keeping a tally and a record. Oh,
• 36:48
  Speaker 3: he said this on this day. He did this on
• 36:50
  Speaker 3: that day. Oh, she did this and she said that
• 36:53
  Speaker 3: and she didn't do this and she didn't do that.
• 36:56
  Speaker 3: You're keeping a tally.
• 36:58
  Speaker 1: That's what you call a fault finder because you already
• 37:03
  Speaker 1: want to go. And here's the thing. You want to go,
• 37:06
  Speaker 1: but you're already gone. So you're trying to keep score
• 37:10
  Speaker 1: so you can go and do what you want and
• 37:13
  Speaker 1: feel good about what you do. Don't be a fault finder.
• 37:18
  Speaker 1: Be a truth teller.
• 37:20
  Speaker 2: Yes.
• 37:21
  Speaker 1: Look, it's just not working anymore. And this is the
• 37:23
  Speaker 1: reason why. I'm not happy because of this, that, and
• 37:26
  Speaker 1: the third. Okay, but at the same time, I'll be
• 37:29
  Speaker 1: able to take what comes. And one thing about it,
• 37:32
  Speaker 1: don't get hype whenever you hear the whole truth. Just
• 37:35
  Speaker 1: tell the truth. Okay, well, you say you didn't like this. Well,
• 37:37
  Speaker 1: I really didn't like so-and-so-and-so. But then, why didn't you
• 37:41
  Speaker 1: tell me? Why you didn't figure it out? Well, why
• 37:44
  Speaker 1: we didn't talk? You know, it used to be cute
• 37:47
  Speaker 1: when I did this and I did that. Now it's
• 37:50
  Speaker 1: aggravating to you. Ah.
• 37:53
  Speaker 6: Yes.
• 37:53
  Speaker 1: Because you didn't say.
• 37:55
  Speaker 3: Yeah. And that's the thing. We're not advocating for breakups.
• 38:01
  Speaker 3: We're not advocating for divorce. We're not advocating for split ups.
• 38:05
  Speaker 3: None of that. What we're advocating for is when you
• 38:07
  Speaker 3: realize that your communication has broken down, it's time for
• 38:11
  Speaker 3: you to heal yourself. It's time for you to deal
• 38:16
  Speaker 3: with it. You have to, first of all, confess it.
• 38:20
  Speaker 3: You have to talk about it in order to deal
• 38:23
  Speaker 3: with it. You got to feel it in order to
• 38:27
  Speaker 3: heal from it. And so many times we shut ourselves off.
• 38:31
  Speaker 3: We are moving through marriages. in just our own little
• 38:37
  Speaker 3: isolated bubble. We're going through the motions. We are just
• 38:41
  Speaker 3: going through day-to-day life experiences. This is what we're supposed
• 38:45
  Speaker 3: to do. This is what's supposed to take place. This
• 38:47
  Speaker 3: is what's supposed to happen. We're on our routine, our
• 38:50
  Speaker 3: daily schedule, and we're just moving on. And we are
• 38:54
  Speaker 3: so broken. Our marriages are in shambles. But you know what?
• 38:58
  Speaker 3: When we go out in public, we look like we
• 39:00
  Speaker 3: got it all together. We standing a wreck, but we're
• 39:03
  Speaker 3: really a wreck.
• 39:04
  Speaker 1: Yeah. And you just said something. One, you got to
• 39:07
  Speaker 1: have a connection. Let's get our connection back together. And
• 39:10
  Speaker 1: then once we get our connection back together, let's just,
• 39:14
  Speaker 1: you know, hit the rewind button. Let's start over. Matter
• 39:19
  Speaker 1: of fact, take all that, throw it in the receptacle
• 39:21
  Speaker 1: and let's start again. See, when you get into what
• 39:25
  Speaker 1: you call a routine, as you say, That's exactly what
• 39:28
  Speaker 1: it is. And you know what? You get tired of
• 39:31
  Speaker 1: the routine. A dog gets tired of eating the same food.
• 39:34
  Speaker 1: You get tired of getting up and doing the same
• 39:36
  Speaker 1: old thing every day. Oh, it's Thursday. We're having chicken.
• 39:42
  Speaker 1: You got to throw some spice in there. Do something different. Exactly.
• 39:46
  Speaker 1: You know, because it worked for you. Well, you know what?
• 39:49
  Speaker 1: It's two of us in this. Let's see what works
• 39:52
  Speaker 1: for us. Make sure it's an us, not an I.
• 39:55
  Speaker 3: Right. And so many times, even in marriages, people feel invisible.
• 40:01
  Speaker 3: They feel like they're not wanted anymore. They feel as
• 40:05
  Speaker 3: though they're not needed anymore. They feel as though they're
• 40:08
  Speaker 3: not attracted anymore. You know, people get, we all put
• 40:15
  Speaker 3: on something. We put on a little weight, a lot
• 40:18
  Speaker 3: of weight, a whole heap of weight. Some of us
• 40:22
  Speaker 3: have gotten stretched out since we got married. Some of
• 40:29
  Speaker 3: us used to be small and petite, and now we're
• 40:32
  Speaker 3: growing to each other. We're growing to each other. And
• 40:37
  Speaker 3: sometimes a person may not feel good about themselves. They
• 40:44
  Speaker 3: may not feel attractive. they may not feel like you're
• 40:49
  Speaker 3: looking at me anymore. You're looking at everybody else that
• 40:52
  Speaker 3: walk around. And so now that brings a bearing in
• 40:56
  Speaker 3: the marriage because, you know, You start remembering when, when
• 41:01
  Speaker 3: you were this size and when you were this and
• 41:05
  Speaker 3: when you did that. And a lot of times what
• 41:07
  Speaker 3: you do is you're trying to get that back instead
• 41:10
  Speaker 3: of just talking and communicating. You going out here, you
• 41:14
  Speaker 3: on the slim fast shots that everybody taking, you taking pills,
• 41:18
  Speaker 3: you running to the gym and you look like a
• 41:20
  Speaker 3: whole skull head. And that's really not attractive either. It's
• 41:25
  Speaker 3: not attractive either. Because what you need to do is
• 41:28
  Speaker 3: you need to sit down with your mate. And I
• 41:31
  Speaker 3: promise you, there'll be times where you'll say, you know what?
• 41:34
  Speaker 3: I just feel like I'm fat. I don't feel like
• 41:36
  Speaker 3: I look good anymore. I'm just this and I'm just that.
• 41:39
  Speaker 3: And your mate may tell you something different.
• 41:42
  Speaker 1: Yes, he might. He might tell you he is fat.
• 41:46
  Speaker 1: And he's telling you the truth. But here's the thing.
• 41:50
  Speaker 1: If I was with you and you was a pencil,
• 41:52
  Speaker 1: and we done grew together, I'd still see my pencil
• 41:54
  Speaker 1: that I fell in love with. But let's get past
• 41:59
  Speaker 1: all that. Until you get happy with what you see
• 42:06
  Speaker 1: in the mirror. How you expect somebody else to be
• 42:09
  Speaker 1: happy with what you're not happy with? Do something about it. Me, myself,
• 42:17
  Speaker 1: I laugh at me. I'm like, boy, you're like a
• 42:19
  Speaker 1: whole barrel. And I change it. Because I want to
• 42:25
  Speaker 1: be happy when I put my clothes on. When I
• 42:28
  Speaker 1: look at me in the mirror, I'm happy. Now, you
• 42:30
  Speaker 1: ain't happy. I don't know what your problem is, but
• 42:31
  Speaker 1: I'm happy. See, but you got to be happy with
• 42:36
  Speaker 1: you in order for somebody else to be happy with you.
• 42:38
  Speaker 1: Be happy with what you see because you're the one
• 42:42
  Speaker 1: allowing yourself to get that way. See, it all boils
• 42:48
  Speaker 1: back to the same thing, yourself.
• 42:50
  Speaker 7: Right.
• 42:51
  Speaker 1: Are you happy with you? If you're not happy with you,
• 42:55
  Speaker 1: how can you expect me to be happy with you?
• 42:58
  Speaker 1: Because every time I tell you something, oh, you're beautiful. Oh,
• 43:01
  Speaker 1: I like to see you in there. I don't look
• 43:03
  Speaker 1: good in there. I like it. But I don't like that. Okay. Oh,
• 43:10
  Speaker 1: I like your hair like that. That's ugly. Okay. And
• 43:14
  Speaker 1: then whenever I don't say that, then what you say? Oh,
• 43:17
  Speaker 1: I like. Oh, you like her hairstyle? Oh, you looking
• 43:19
  Speaker 1: at her? That's what you want? Well, yeah. I want
• 43:24
  Speaker 1: you to look like that. Not her per se, but
• 43:27
  Speaker 1: fix your hair. Make it nice. I like what I see.
• 43:32
  Speaker 1: Sometimes it's not the individual. It's you. Exactly.
• 43:39
  Speaker 3: And that's the thing because when it gets to be that,
• 43:44
  Speaker 3: then it comes to be a thing as... You know,
• 43:48
  Speaker 3: I don't feel like you desire me anymore. I don't
• 43:51
  Speaker 3: feel desired. I don't feel.
• 43:53
  Speaker 1: So if you don't feel desired, you're just going to
• 43:56
  Speaker 1: keep just letting go, let go, let go.
• 43:59
  Speaker 3: And sometimes that happens because we don't talk. We don't
• 44:03
  Speaker 3: talk about that. We are not mature enough to say
• 44:07
  Speaker 3: these things. We're not mature enough to say, I don't
• 44:10
  Speaker 3: feel desire. We're not mature enough to say, I don't
• 44:13
  Speaker 3: feel attractive. We're not mature enough to say, I'm lonely.
• 44:16
  Speaker 3: We're in this whole relationship, this whole marriage together, live
• 44:24
  Speaker 3: in the same house, sleep in the same bed, but
• 44:27
  Speaker 3: we cannot tell each other the truth. We can't do
• 44:32
  Speaker 3: it because it's not that we can't do it. We
• 44:35
  Speaker 3: won't do it. We won't do it. And we wonder
• 44:38
  Speaker 3: why it seems as though we're growing farther and farther
• 44:43
  Speaker 3: and farther apart. It's because you don't talk. It's because
• 44:46
  Speaker 3: there's a breakdown in your communication line. And it's because
• 44:50
  Speaker 3: of the things that you won't say. That's the reason.
• 44:56
  Speaker 3: Because you won't say these things because nine times out
• 45:00
  Speaker 3: of 10, you've already played the conversation. You know, if
• 45:05
  Speaker 3: I say this, they're going to say that. If I
• 45:08
  Speaker 3: say that, they're going to say this. And so you've already,
• 45:11
  Speaker 3: you've written a whole conversation out. You done played this
• 45:14
  Speaker 3: conversation out in your mind. And so now you get
• 45:18
  Speaker 3: to the point to where, okay, this is what it is.
• 45:21
  Speaker 3: And so now I'm not going to even have the
• 45:23
  Speaker 3: conversation with the person because I've already had the conversation
• 45:27
  Speaker 3: with this person.
• 45:29
  Speaker 1: And then you go have the conversation with somebody else.
• 45:32
  Speaker 1: And now they're giving you their two plus two. But
• 45:37
  Speaker 1: they're going home to theirs. And you mad because you
• 45:41
  Speaker 1: know what? You right. Yeah, I believe all that right there. Really?
• 45:46
  Speaker 1: But this is the person that don't sleep with you.
• 45:49
  Speaker 1: This is the person that don't be with you all
• 45:51
  Speaker 1: night and then all week, all month, all year. You're
• 45:56
  Speaker 1: allowed a third wheel to get in there when it
• 45:58
  Speaker 1: shouldn't have been nothing but the two wheels together. And
• 46:02
  Speaker 1: then if you're feeling some kind of way, baby, look,
• 46:04
  Speaker 1: I'm getting a little weight or I'm not feeling the best.
• 46:07
  Speaker 1: Let's go to the gym or let's start walking. Help
• 46:10
  Speaker 1: me be the person that I choose to be. That's communicating. Yes.
• 46:18
  Speaker 3: Yeah. Help me. I need you.
• 46:20
  Speaker 1: Exactly.
• 46:21
  Speaker 3: I need you. I need you to help me. And
• 46:25
  Speaker 3: sometimes that's all that needs to be said. I need you.
• 46:29
  Speaker 3: Because I need you speaks volumes a lot of times.
• 46:33
  Speaker 3: Because you may not communicate, but when it comes from
• 46:41
  Speaker 3: your heart, I need you. I need you speaks so
• 46:45
  Speaker 3: many things. I need you. I need you to be here.
• 46:48
  Speaker 3: I need you to want to have a desire to
• 46:52
  Speaker 3: be here. And I mean, when I say that, I
• 46:54
  Speaker 3: need you to be healthy. I need you to not
• 46:58
  Speaker 3: overdo it. I need you to take care of yourself.
• 47:01
  Speaker 3: I need you. I need you to make me feel
• 47:06
  Speaker 3: like I'm protected. I need you to make me feel
• 47:09
  Speaker 3: like I'm needed and I'm wanted. I need you. I
• 47:13
  Speaker 3: need you. I need you speaks volumes. And when we
• 47:18
  Speaker 3: say I need you to our maids, For them, it
• 47:25
  Speaker 3: could mean so many things that we really may not
• 47:29
  Speaker 3: have intended behind it. We're just saying, I need you.
• 47:34
  Speaker 3: But then now they're saying, oh, yeah, they need me.
• 47:36
  Speaker 3: They need me to help. They need me to be here.
• 47:39
  Speaker 3: They need me to show up. They need me to
• 47:42
  Speaker 3: make sure that they're good. They need me to make
• 47:45
  Speaker 3: sure that they're secure. They need me to whatever. Because
• 47:50
  Speaker 3: they have their own list.
• 47:52
  Speaker 1: But in the midst of that, I need you. You
• 47:54
  Speaker 1: have to realize that, you know what? Sometimes they don't
• 47:58
  Speaker 1: know it because you be so quiet. And you haven't
• 48:02
  Speaker 1: said a thing. Oh, they good. And then all of
• 48:05
  Speaker 1: a sudden you need me. Really? Well, I thought, no,
• 48:10
  Speaker 1: I need you. Don't worry about what they didn't say.
• 48:13
  Speaker 1: If they came to you, address the issue and make
• 48:18
  Speaker 1: it happen.
• 48:19
  Speaker 4: Yes.
• 48:19
  Speaker 1: Don't worry about what it was because it is what
• 48:22
  Speaker 1: it is. So don't worry about what it's not. Just
• 48:25
  Speaker 1: make it happen. Learn to listen. The Bible tells us
• 48:29
  Speaker 1: he who has ears, not one ears, plural, let him
• 48:33
  Speaker 1: hear what thus said the Lord. But if you got
• 48:36
  Speaker 1: a mate and God has placed you together, listen to
• 48:39
  Speaker 1: what they say as well.
• 48:40
  Speaker 3: Yes.
• 48:41
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 48:41
  Speaker 3: And that's the thing. Listen, you have to be an
• 48:45
  Speaker 3: active listener, not a passive listener. Because a passive listener
• 48:48
  Speaker 3: is like, okay, you catch every other word or every
• 48:52
  Speaker 3: word now and again. You're not listening to really hear.
• 49:00
  Speaker 3: And sometimes we'll be like, yeah, I heard you. I
• 49:03
  Speaker 3: heard you, but I wasn't listening to you. I heard
• 49:06
  Speaker 3: you saying something. I wasn't focusing on what you said.
• 49:09
  Speaker 3: You have to make it your business.
• 49:13
  Speaker 1: So in other words, She's having a monologue. Not a dialogue.
• 49:17
  Speaker 1: Because somebody not in the mix.
• 49:19
  Speaker 3: Exactly.
• 49:20
  Speaker 1: See we got to have a dialogue. That means we
• 49:22
  Speaker 1: got to talk to each other. Not just a monologue.
• 49:25
  Speaker 1: Where I'm talking and you listening. We got to communicate.
• 49:31
  Speaker 1: Communication is the key. In marriages. In friendships. Relationships. boyfriend, girlfriend, partner,
• 49:41
  Speaker 1: my best friend, my girlfriend, my boyfriend. It's about communication.
• 49:48
  Speaker 1: If you're working with somebody and it's all out of whack,
• 49:51
  Speaker 1: let's talk about it. Let's agree to disagree agreeably and
• 49:55
  Speaker 1: move further. Let's find a common ground so we can
• 49:58
  Speaker 1: actually grow. Even in that relationship. Because when you're all
• 50:04
  Speaker 1: out of sorts, You can't get anything from that. You
• 50:10
  Speaker 1: can't get anything. I hear I'm a loner. I say
• 50:15
  Speaker 1: to myself, I wonder why.
• 50:18
  Speaker 3: Yeah. A loner. Sometimes we use that as a defense mechanism.
• 50:28
  Speaker 3: Sometimes we use that just because we don't want to
• 50:30
  Speaker 3: be bothered. We don't want to hear. We don't want to...
• 50:34
  Speaker 3: We don't want to be a part of anything. Just
• 50:38
  Speaker 3: leave me alone. Let me be whatever. And, you know,
• 50:42
  Speaker 3: a lot of times we say that or we use that.
• 50:45
  Speaker 3: We use it as an excuse for being left alone
• 50:52
  Speaker 3: and allowed to let me do my own thing. You know,
• 50:56
  Speaker 3: I want to do it this way. So I'm going
• 50:58
  Speaker 3: to say that I'm a loner because I don't want
• 51:00
  Speaker 3: to be around you. I don't want to be around
• 51:02
  Speaker 3: the crowd. I don't want to be around all these things.
• 51:04
  Speaker 3: But the thing about it is we really have to
• 51:07
  Speaker 3: truly be honest with ourselves. We have to be honest.
• 51:12
  Speaker 3: And honesty is the key in a marriage. When there
• 51:19
  Speaker 3: is a breakdown in communication, when there are needs, when
• 51:24
  Speaker 3: there is a need to talk, a need to communicate,
• 51:28
  Speaker 3: you know, sometimes you just have to have to just say, hey, listen,
• 51:33
  Speaker 3: come on, let's sit down and talk. We need to
• 51:35
  Speaker 3: talk about this. Even to the littlest thing about our day,
• 51:43
  Speaker 3: how was your day? You need to have open communication.
• 51:47
  Speaker 3: The job that I have and where I came from,
• 51:53
  Speaker 3: being in the security background that I come from, it
• 51:57
  Speaker 3: was hard. It was hard because you have to check it.
• 52:02
  Speaker 3: I had to check it at the gate. I couldn't
• 52:05
  Speaker 3: just be like, oh, okay, well, you know, these people
• 52:09
  Speaker 3: in here, they done ate the whole monkey today. So
• 52:13
  Speaker 3: I'm going to go home and I'm going to unleash
• 52:16
  Speaker 3: everything that I built up in frustration because I couldn't
• 52:21
  Speaker 3: say certain things. I couldn't do certain things, you know,
• 52:24
  Speaker 3: for my job sake. So now I'm going to just
• 52:27
  Speaker 3: let it go and let it rip when I get
• 52:30
  Speaker 3: home because I'm already frustrated. So the least little thing,
• 52:33
  Speaker 3: you know, it was like, Oh baby dinner ready. What
• 52:36
  Speaker 3: you mean is dinner ready. We going to eat when
• 52:38
  Speaker 3: I get, you know, no, you have to learn how
• 52:42
  Speaker 3: to separate it, how to check it at the gate. Sometimes,
• 52:47
  Speaker 3: you know, It calls for compartmentalizing. You have to learn
• 52:52
  Speaker 3: how to keep the job, the job. Keep the house,
• 52:57
  Speaker 3: the house. Keep the marriage, the marriage. But we try
• 53:02
  Speaker 3: to just slam it all up in here together. So
• 53:05
  Speaker 3: when one is aggravating or if it's an aggravator and
• 53:08
  Speaker 3: an agitator in one area, now here it is. It
• 53:12
  Speaker 3: just flows all over everything else. We cannot do that.
• 53:17
  Speaker 3: That's why we have to talk. Let's just take a
• 53:19
  Speaker 3: few moments. Let's just talk. Let me tell you about
• 53:22
  Speaker 3: my day. You tell me about your day. And then,
• 53:25
  Speaker 3: you know, sometimes I might just want to. Today just
• 53:30
  Speaker 3: been a rough day. And I may just need that.
• 53:35
  Speaker 3: I may just need to just ball up on the
• 53:38
  Speaker 3: sofa and get right up under him and just lay
• 53:41
  Speaker 3: my head on his shoulder, lay my head in his chest.
• 53:46
  Speaker 3: I might just need him to just give me a hug.
• 53:49
  Speaker 3: I might just need that. But if I never communicate that,
• 53:54
  Speaker 3: then I'm walking around and I'm upset because I don't
• 53:58
  Speaker 3: know I need a hug. I don't know that I
• 54:02
  Speaker 3: just need him to hold me today because you never
• 54:05
  Speaker 3: said it. You never open your mouth. So there has
• 54:10
  Speaker 3: to be an open line of communication. You have to
• 54:14
  Speaker 3: be able to express yourself. Your needs. You have to
• 54:17
  Speaker 3: be able to express the things that don't feel good.
• 54:21
  Speaker 3: The things that you don't really like. The things that
• 54:25
  Speaker 3: you would love to have changed. And that even starts
• 54:30
  Speaker 3: in you. You got to be able to do that.
• 54:34
  Speaker 1: Change starts with self. You know. And get yourself in
• 54:38
  Speaker 1: a place where you can be happy. You know. When
• 54:42
  Speaker 1: you have a work situation. When you get off. Take
• 54:46
  Speaker 1: 10 minutes or so just to digress from that job.
• 54:52
  Speaker 1: Because now I'm moving into a different environment. I'm going home.
• 54:56
  Speaker 1: I'm going to be with my significant other. And I
• 55:01
  Speaker 1: need to be the woman or that man, you know,
• 55:05
  Speaker 1: so we can be good. Leave the job on the job.
• 55:09
  Speaker 1: Leave the frustration somewhere else. But take time to let
• 55:12
  Speaker 1: yourself get in a different place.
• 55:17
  Speaker 3: Yes, and remember, we have to identify the breakdowns in
• 55:24
  Speaker 3: our lines of communication and say the things that need
• 55:29
  Speaker 3: to be said because that is what is tearing down
• 55:34
  Speaker 3: our marriages, all of these unresolved issues and unspoken hurts
• 55:41
  Speaker 3: and offenses. That's the only way that we can let
• 55:46
  Speaker 3: the healing begin. Have a great night, everyone. And we
• 55:50
  Speaker 3: will see you guys back here in October. Hey, it
• 55:55
  Speaker 3: will be October when we come back, but we will
• 55:58
  Speaker 3: be back. So we'll see you guys next time. First Sunday,
• 56:03
  Speaker 3: we'll be here. Hope you'll be here too. Let the
• 56:06
  Speaker 3: healing begin, y'all. You've been tuned in to Let the
• 56:10
  Speaker 3: Healing Begin.
• 56:13
  Speaker 1: Where we heal, grow, and rise. Through the word of God,
• 56:18
  Speaker 1: we pray tonight's show blessed your heart. Now let the
• 56:21
  Speaker 1: healing continue. You came in heavy, carrying the pain. But
• 56:42
  Speaker 1: God stepped in and called your name.
• 56:47
  Speaker 4: What was broken, he can restore.
• 56:53
  Speaker 3: He's opening healing like never before.
• 56:58
  Speaker 2: Tears may fall, but joy will rise.