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Burlesque Movie REVIEW | TBCC Patreon Teaser · The Big Cunty Couch

• 0:15
  SPEAKER_01: I looked up what Georgia does and she yells at everyone.
• 0:17
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, she says chill out.
• 0:19
  SPEAKER_01: I could just say something about every single line of dialogue, every single beat, every single choice is beyond out of control.
• 0:28
  SPEAKER_01: Truly.
• 0:29
  SPEAKER_01: Down to the very first shot.
• 0:31
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 0:31
  SPEAKER_01: Actually, before that, when the like production company logo is coming up, it's old timey music, and you're like, this can't be part of the plot already.
• 0:40
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 0:40
  SPEAKER_00: But it is.
• 0:41
  SPEAKER_00: Uh-huh.
• 0:41
  SPEAKER_00: It is.
• 0:41
  SPEAKER_01: It's they're in a dusty, crusty town, and it pans down to a it what looks like a diorama.
• 0:47
  SPEAKER_01: It's like an old saloon.
• 0:49
  SPEAKER_01: I screamed because again, we had to watch it again and I would take notes and I was stoned out of my mind.
• 0:54
  SPEAKER_00: Well, not only we watch it again, but I sent you a uh a I found uh I found a uh fully above board uh this is how Mike is cool.
• 1:01
  SPEAKER_00: Link to uh watch the movie.
• 1:04
  SPEAKER_01: Um sent us a bootleg.
• 1:05
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I found a bootleg that we were able to watch um so we could specifically speed it up.
• 1:09
  SPEAKER_01: Speed it up because it was like this movie is brutally long, but highly recommended on drugs, really sped up.
• 1:15
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 1:16
  SPEAKER_01: Because it is crazy.
• 1:17
  SPEAKER_01: It's like hilarious.
• 1:19
  SPEAKER_00: I could not stop geeking out because like the dancing, it's like again, like it's very like like a lot of like isolated movements, like pop, pop, like very like flossy esque.
• 1:29
  SPEAKER_00: So funny at that speed.
• 1:31
  SPEAKER_01: Wowie.
• 1:32
  SPEAKER_01: Anyway, so yeah, and then I wrote down this is for babies, uh-huh.
• 1:35
  SPEAKER_01: Which like I feel like I always have that note.
• 1:38
  SPEAKER_00: Uh yeah.
• 1:41
  SPEAKER_00: Well, okay, so should we just dive in from starting in?
• 1:43
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, so so honey, I'm on the opening shot.
• 1:45
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 1:45
  SPEAKER_00: Opening shot.
• 1:46
  SPEAKER_00: Um, when we start we were watching this originally with um with uh Michael Proudie, my husband Michael Proudie, and the the first words out of his mouth were does this is this back in time?
• 1:58
  SPEAKER_01: They are playing with the time like with time in a way that no one has.
• 2:03
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 2:04
  SPEAKER_01: I appreciate like ambiguous, uh-huh, timeless, timeless.
• 2:08
  SPEAKER_00: But it's like it fully feels like it's in 1950, 1970, 1980.
• 2:12
  SPEAKER_00: It's ridiculous.
• 2:13
  SPEAKER_00: Like they can't make up their mind.
• 2:14
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 2:15
  SPEAKER_00: They can't.
• 2:15
  SPEAKER_00: Anyway, so we uh we open on uh an Iwin diner with uh Christina Aguilera, who's playing a character named Allie.
• 2:23
  SPEAKER_00: Of course.
• 2:24
  SPEAKER_00: Uh talking with another waitress, and they and she's like, I gotta get out of this small town.
• 2:28
  SPEAKER_00: And her boss comes in, she says, You owe me money, and he says, shut the fuck up, basically, and walks out.
• 2:33
  SPEAKER_00: And she says, You know what?
• 2:34
  SPEAKER_00: I'm taking the cash I'm owed out of the register and I'm getting out of Dodge.
• 2:37
  SPEAKER_00: And the other waitress is like, you know what?
• 2:40
  SPEAKER_00: Respect and and I'll I'll I'll leave you to it.
• 2:43
  SPEAKER_00: So Christina locks the diner and then proceeds to scream at the top of her lungs.
• 2:49
  SPEAKER_01: Uh yeah, she's like on the run.
• 2:52
  SPEAKER_00: She's like, I gotta get out of here.
• 2:53
  SPEAKER_00: I gotta get out of that.
• 2:54
  SPEAKER_00: She's like, I'm leaving tonight, and then she proceeds to project louder than any other human on earth.
• 2:59
  SPEAKER_00: I was so, it's so it happens so fast and it's so farcical that I wrote down.
• 3:03
  SPEAKER_00: I was like, that diner owner would hear someone screaming it from the street and walk back and be like, what's going on in here?
• 3:09
  SPEAKER_01: Um, first of all, I I did write down it's crazy that she starts with it, starts on Christina like squinting because that's how she acts.
• 3:15
  SPEAKER_01: Uh-huh.
• 3:16
  SPEAKER_01: And she goes, Loretta, I'm getting out of here.
• 3:20
  SPEAKER_01: Imagine like that's her first line.
• 3:23
  SPEAKER_01: Like it starts with dot dot dot, Loretta, I'm getting out of here.
• 3:26
  SPEAKER_01: Which like I appreciate where like let's get to.
• 3:28
  SPEAKER_01: We got a lot to do, we got a lot of numbers to see.
• 3:30
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 3:30
  SPEAKER_01: But Loretta, I'm getting out of here.
• 3:32
  SPEAKER_01: And she's like, What?
• 3:34
  SPEAKER_01: Loretta, I'm not, I don't feel good.
• 3:38
  SPEAKER_01: And I go.
• 3:40
  SPEAKER_01: And yeah, so she steals cash and like implies that she's gonna run, run fast and get a hell out of Dodge.
• 3:47
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 3:47
  SPEAKER_01: But she stops for just a quick little uh a cappella.
• 3:50
  SPEAKER_00: She stops for she starts to singing, singing, um uh, oh, sometimes I get a good feeling.
• 3:57
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 3:58
  SPEAKER_00: And screaming.
• 4:00
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 4:00
  SPEAKER_01: You'll have to actually like so she belts one and then it it's a montage little clip of something.
• 4:05
  SPEAKER_00: The first montage of I want to say about 1100 montages.
• 4:08
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 4:08
  SPEAKER_00: The whole movie's a montage.
• 4:09
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah.
• 4:09
  SPEAKER_01: So she she does one belt note, and there's a little snippet of like girls, dust, glitter.
• 4:15
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 4:15
  SPEAKER_01: And then the second, which you have to put this in because it's comedy.
• 4:18
  SPEAKER_01: The second belt is a true scream.
• 4:22
  SPEAKER_01: Get a feeling that I never, never, never, never had before.
• 4:27
  SPEAKER_01: No, no.
• 4:28
  SPEAKER_01: And it's like, oh my.
• 4:29
  SPEAKER_01: Loretta comes back because she's like, is everything okay in here?
• 4:33
  SPEAKER_01: Um the cops come, they're like, hello.
• 4:36
  SPEAKER_01: It's comedy, like, it's just a horror scream.
• 4:38
  SPEAKER_00: Screaming.
• 4:39
  SPEAKER_00: So funny.
• 4:40
  SPEAKER_00: Shrieking in the top of her lungs.