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Transcript

Happy Hour #229: Why Adulting Feels Different · Stuff Mom Never Told You

0:05
Speaker 1: Hey, this is Annie and Samantha.
0:07
Speaker 2: Welcome stuff. I never told your predicture if I heard.
0:09
Speaker 3: You, And welcome to another edition of Happy Hour, Bitch
0:22
Speaker 3: and Wine Session. I haven't had one in a while.
0:25
Speaker 3: And before we start, Annie, are you slipping on anything?
0:32
Speaker 3: I kind of told you right at the beginning of recording.
0:34
Speaker 3: So did you have perchance coincidentally get wine?
0:41
Speaker 2: I perchance coincidentally did get wine?
0:45
Speaker 1: Perfect? I love it. Oh what kind got red rose?
0:50
Speaker 2: That's a red. It's a classic red.
0:52
Speaker 1: Classic red, which matches. I'll say it in a minute.
0:56
Speaker 3: However, my drink of choice, and we're going to talk
0:58
Speaker 3: about this in just a second, and why I'm doing it.
1:00
Speaker 3: It's currently a mock tail. I guess you can say
1:04
Speaker 3: of like a fruit smoothie that storebop fruit smoothie, a
1:08
Speaker 3: little bit of ginger ell because I love good sparkly
1:12
Speaker 3: and some creating. Because I've been reading that that's really
1:15
Speaker 3: good and beneficial for women, and I do work out
1:17
Speaker 3: four to five times a week as well as like
1:20
Speaker 3: apparently it's.
1:21
Speaker 1: Like great for brain functioning.
1:24
Speaker 3: I don't know any will come back to it later,
1:26
Speaker 3: but so I'm like, you know what, let me just
1:27
Speaker 3: try this so that is my mocktail for the day.
1:31
Speaker 3: I have a feeling someone might be screaming at me
1:32
Speaker 3: and be like, don't do it.
1:33
Speaker 1: It was bad. Tell me.
1:35
Speaker 3: But before we start, y'all, because we are going to
1:38
Speaker 3: talk a little bit about adulting.
1:40
Speaker 1: And guess what.
1:42
Speaker 3: October second through the seventh, we are going on a
1:45
Speaker 3: voyage on an adult's only voyage with virgin Voyages. Yes, y'all,
1:51
Speaker 3: we're flying up to New York where we are leaving
1:53
Speaker 3: to go to the bermudas coming back from the bermudas
1:56
Speaker 3: back to New York. Yes, it's going to be an
1:58
Speaker 3: amazing times.
1:59
Speaker 1: Are you okay? You looked?
2:01
Speaker 2: Ah, that's what you always do to me.
2:02
Speaker 1: You were so still you did I was like, oh
2:05
Speaker 1: you frozen. Sorry. Uh.
2:07
Speaker 3: It is a five night, wonderful time where you will
2:11
Speaker 3: have other stuff people with you, stuff you should know
2:14
Speaker 3: and stuff they don't want you to know. Will be
2:16
Speaker 3: joining as well, where we will be doing a live
2:20
Speaker 3: podcasting session where you can come and see what we
2:23
Speaker 3: look like when we're trying to scramble around, yes, with
2:27
Speaker 3: our topics.
2:28
Speaker 1: Actually, it'll be fun. It'll be fun.
2:30
Speaker 3: And yeah, if you just hang out with us on
2:32
Speaker 3: this amazing time of adulting and partying and having a
2:37
Speaker 3: good old time. So if you are interested, I need
2:40
Speaker 3: you to go to Virgin Voyages dot com slash stuff
2:44
Speaker 3: and get that information, get those tickets, and come and
2:47
Speaker 3: join us on this amazing voyage. But yeah, essentially we're
2:51
Speaker 3: talking about adulting or once again, not feeling like an adult.
2:57
Speaker 3: So I've been thinking a lot about our place in life,
3:00
Speaker 3: how old I am, all the things, you know. I
3:02
Speaker 3: joke about the fact that I have hit midlife technically,
3:05
Speaker 3: but I've had a crisis since the beginning of the
3:08
Speaker 3: quarter life mark.
3:09
Speaker 1: So it's a never ending thing.
3:11
Speaker 3: And I am doing all of these new types of
3:14
Speaker 3: not new but like supplemental things which are supposed to
3:17
Speaker 3: help your body and all these things because my body
3:19
Speaker 3: has been feeling not so great. I told Annie last
3:24
Speaker 3: week we had gotten on Mike to record, and I
3:27
Speaker 3: was like, well, I have a lot of king patch on.
3:30
Speaker 3: I have taken different types of drugs. I'm sitting on
3:33
Speaker 3: a pillow for so I haadic nerve as well as
3:37
Speaker 3: the fact that I can't stand up straight.
3:39
Speaker 1: I'm doing great. I'm doing great.
3:41
Speaker 3: So it's been one of those times where I'm having
3:44
Speaker 3: to officially go to the doctor, and if you know
3:46
Speaker 3: anything about us, Annie and I, we.
3:48
Speaker 1: Don't do that. No, we don't like wait to the
3:52
Speaker 1: very last possible.
3:54
Speaker 3: Oh my god, everything's falling apart moments to actually go.
3:58
Speaker 3: So for me, this is actually the second time I've
4:01
Speaker 3: gone in the last month to see about my knee pain.
4:04
Speaker 3: Because y'all know I have been doing if you've been
4:07
Speaker 3: a listener and listening, I've been doing zuma teaching, and
4:10
Speaker 3: it's really to the point that it feels like it's
4:12
Speaker 3: really hard on my body, which is odd because it's
4:14
Speaker 3: not like it's a strenuous, you know, like strength training
4:18
Speaker 3: level of exercise.
4:19
Speaker 1: I'm not doing CrossFit. That is not my thing.
4:21
Speaker 3: So with all of that, it feels like I am
4:24
Speaker 3: falling apart. Just a preview because we will be coming
4:28
Speaker 3: back to talk about this soon. I have discovered that
4:32
Speaker 3: maybe part of the issue is perimenopause, which we've kind
4:35
Speaker 3: of previously talked about before, but I'm going to go
4:37
Speaker 3: in depth in it. We're going to do some research
4:39
Speaker 3: and come back to y'all because apparently that has a
4:41
Speaker 3: lot to do with joint pain as well.
4:43
Speaker 1: I've heard of frozen shoulder again.
4:46
Speaker 3: We'll talk about that in later times, but like how
4:49
Speaker 3: it really does affect and it's not phantom pains. It
4:52
Speaker 3: really has to do with the fact that your estrogen
4:53
Speaker 3: levels are dropping, so therefore your joints and your ligaments
4:56
Speaker 3: maybe having a hard time keeping healthy essentially, So with
5:01
Speaker 3: all of that, my body feels like I have come
5:04
Speaker 3: to a point that yes, I'm obviously an adult, but
5:07
Speaker 3: it is not aligning with my mindset. And I've come
5:13
Speaker 3: back to that conversation of like, what is this adult thing?
5:15
Speaker 3: Have I missed all of the markers and have come
5:18
Speaker 3: to this point and it's too late, you know, that
5:22
Speaker 3: level of like I can't enjoy the things I want
5:24
Speaker 3: to enjoy because my body hurts. Unfortunately, from my parents
5:28
Speaker 3: who are like who are seniors and who are both
5:31
Speaker 3: retired and all of sudch they got to the point
5:33
Speaker 3: that they were finally able to travel, but they can't
5:36
Speaker 3: physically travel, and that really breaks my heart because I
5:39
Speaker 3: know my mother had hoped to fly to England and
5:43
Speaker 3: she's never been to the UK, she's never been to Europe,
5:45
Speaker 3: and she really wanted to do this. This is a
5:47
Speaker 3: dream of hers. A couple of years ago, she asked
5:50
Speaker 3: me to start planning a trip to England. I was like, okay,
5:52
Speaker 3: I'm down. And they even got there, I was like,
5:55
Speaker 3: I will not do it until you get your passports
5:56
Speaker 3: because I've never gotten a passport before.
5:59
Speaker 1: And my mom was so her and my sister went.
6:01
Speaker 3: And got their passport ready to go, but her body
6:05
Speaker 3: is ailing so badly that she really just can't and
6:07
Speaker 3: neither can my father, who never had those dreams.
6:11
Speaker 1: But if he can't take care of himself, my mom
6:14
Speaker 1: does it go back.
6:15
Speaker 3: To her any episode on codependency because it kind of
6:18
Speaker 3: overlaps in this conversation, and with all of that, that
6:22
Speaker 3: is my fear of that I'm going to miss out
6:25
Speaker 3: on so many things. And don't get me wrong, I've
6:26
Speaker 3: done I've already started traveling. I've been traveling, but the
6:29
Speaker 3: thought of me not being able to do it again
6:32
Speaker 3: is really really her full, like really painful to me.
6:37
Speaker 3: But again, this kind of goes back into the blank.
6:39
Speaker 3: But I'm not adult enough to be here right right,
6:45
Speaker 3: So I was just like, is this the thing with
6:47
Speaker 3: the millennials? I feel like my mother never said that
6:50
Speaker 3: to me. I feel like my father, who both boomers,
6:52
Speaker 3: have never had that conversation saying that they don't feel
6:55
Speaker 3: like adults. I've heard them talking about feeling like they failed.
6:57
Speaker 3: I've heard them talking about feeling like they missed out
7:01
Speaker 3: or they didn't do enough for us as children or
7:03
Speaker 3: whatever whatnot, but never that they weren't adults.
7:06
Speaker 1: They seem to fully align with.
7:08
Speaker 3: The idea that they have been adults since the beginning
7:11
Speaker 3: of their marriage, you know what I mean.
7:14
Speaker 1: Yeah, So in my mind, I was like, is this
7:16
Speaker 1: a millennial thing? Is this a gen Z millennial thing?
7:19
Speaker 3: That maybe we just don't get what this is? And
7:25
Speaker 3: apparently a lot of people are saying it might it
7:28
Speaker 3: actually might be a millennial in a gen Z thing.
7:31
Speaker 3: And of course we kind of already hit on it previously.
7:34
Speaker 3: It's because we haven't hit what the markers were typically
7:38
Speaker 3: And I will come from our psychology today you know,
7:41
Speaker 3: we love a good psychology Today article written by Michelle
7:45
Speaker 3: Cork and she talks about for specific reasons why you
7:49
Speaker 3: still may not feel like an adult, and one of
7:52
Speaker 3: those things is the societal changes in milestones of adulthood,
7:56
Speaker 3: and she writes this part of the mismatch is based
7:58
Speaker 3: on societal ships. Young adults are getting married later, having
8:02
Speaker 3: kids later, and often stay in graduate school well into
8:04
Speaker 3: their thirties. The average age of first time home buyers
8:07
Speaker 3: in nineteen eighty one was twenty nine, and by twenty
8:10
Speaker 3: twenty two had risen to thirty six. Having kids later
8:14
Speaker 3: also means pushing off grandparenthood. Becoming a parent at twenty
8:17
Speaker 3: five it makes it fairly easy to be a grandparent
8:18
Speaker 3: by fifty, whereas waiting until thirty five means you're seventy
8:22
Speaker 3: by the time you might have your first grandchild. So
8:25
Speaker 3: this kind of level in that conversation, which by the way,
8:27
Speaker 3: I feel like thirty six is still.
8:29
Speaker 1: Too young of an age. I don't think that's right.
8:31
Speaker 3: I think you're probably older for by especially today, Like
8:34
Speaker 3: I wonder what the twenty twenty six number would be,
8:38
Speaker 3: because I feel like it's getting higher. So this is
8:40
Speaker 3: an article from twenty twenty three. I feel like the
8:42
Speaker 3: shift is higher at this point because it's almost impossible
8:47
Speaker 3: to buy a house at this point sell a house
8:49
Speaker 3: either because it is not great. That's not great, the
8:52
Speaker 3: interest rate is not great. So that is something that
8:54
Speaker 3: that has happened later, So the mile markers have shifted.
8:57
Speaker 3: So if that's the case, of course I'm not going
8:59
Speaker 3: to fill like, because we haven't hit those marks once again,
9:03
Speaker 3: that adult that my parents, our parents once upon of
9:06
Speaker 3: time may have. Another thing is they said, is the
9:10
Speaker 3: world looks and feels the same, which is an interesting perspective.
9:14
Speaker 3: It says, the world that you see looks largely the
9:17
Speaker 3: same as it looked when you were younger, and your
9:19
Speaker 3: day to day experience of being grown up probably isn't
9:21
Speaker 3: as different as your kid's self imagined it would be.
9:24
Speaker 3: And I think a part of that is because we
9:26
Speaker 3: had the big phenomenons of like the Internet in our
9:30
Speaker 3: teenage years, and everything else just kind of seems like, eh, yeah,
9:34
Speaker 3: of course type of thing, right, Like, I think because
9:38
Speaker 3: we understand social media is not a new phenomenon. Nothing's big,
9:41
Speaker 3: nothing's changed. We don't have the hoverboards, we don't have
9:45
Speaker 3: the flying cars. If they promised us from Back to
9:47
Speaker 3: the Future, where the hell are my cars?
9:51
Speaker 2: When was that set? Two thousand and five?
9:55
Speaker 1: Yeah, like is ridiculous, and I'm very angry at Stevens Mark.
10:01
Speaker 2: We'll compose a letter.
10:03
Speaker 3: Where is my jacket that gets go ahead and drives
10:06
Speaker 3: my hair for me? If I were to fall into
10:08
Speaker 3: a pond for some week that.
10:12
Speaker 1: I want it. Where was my pizza that you can
10:16
Speaker 1: just drop? So put it a.
10:18
Speaker 2: Hydrate machine or that will fire me at any any
10:24
Speaker 2: given time. Oh wait, we have that one.
10:27
Speaker 1: God, we do have that one. The change is outdated? Now,
10:31
Speaker 1: where's my phone that does holograms?
10:33
Speaker 2: Like?
10:33
Speaker 3: What what is this? We have metaglasses that fill other people.
10:38
Speaker 3: We can't see nothing.
10:39
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, we didn't get the cool jacket or the hoverboard.
10:45
Speaker 3: Anyway, I'm not I'm not angry, but I feel like
10:48
Speaker 3: that kind of shift is different too, because we we
10:51
Speaker 3: hit some of the biggest mile markers and we're coming
10:53
Speaker 3: back to what our childhood. That's we're seeing the same wars,
10:56
Speaker 3: we're seeing the same issues, we're seeing the same thing
10:58
Speaker 3: with food. It's almost like we're going all the way
11:01
Speaker 3: back to the early nineteen hundreds though, so that ain't great.
11:17
Speaker 3: Another thing she talks about is your likes and preferences
11:20
Speaker 3: haven't changed, And that's true, including what we wear and
11:23
Speaker 3: the fact that that it has come back.
11:25
Speaker 1: Yeah, like it.
11:26
Speaker 3: Does make me feel old, but it also gives me
11:28
Speaker 3: a security of like, yeah, nothing changed.
11:31
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's a good point. It's kind of odd because
11:36
Speaker 2: sometimes I don't know much about fashion at all. But
11:41
Speaker 2: I remember reading this article back in the day that
11:45
Speaker 2: was about millennial fashion, and it was saying, there is
11:49
Speaker 2: no millennial fashion. They just wear like skinny jeans and
11:54
Speaker 2: like muted colors, and it'll be easily forgotten in the
12:00
Speaker 2: timeline of fashion. Like well, seems to be sticking around,
12:07
Speaker 2: even if people make fun of it while they wear it.
12:11
Speaker 3: Right, it is not going anywhere, whether it's the mom
12:15
Speaker 3: jeans well, whether it's the thong hanging out like y'all
12:18
Speaker 3: do you I'm like.
12:19
Speaker 1: Oh, that's back, were showing thungbs again?
12:21
Speaker 2: Yeah, okay, okay, you do you?
12:24
Speaker 3: Yes.
12:25
Speaker 1: I never liked to begin with I am that person.
12:28
Speaker 3: It's interesting because one of the things that popped up
12:30
Speaker 3: also was a Reddit because I was like, is it millennials?
12:33
Speaker 3: Like I was trying to figure this out, like are
12:35
Speaker 3: we just unusual? And I will say I'm an excellennial,
12:39
Speaker 3: so I'm right on the cusp of the Gen X
12:42
Speaker 3: crossover to millennials.
12:43
Speaker 1: So I am that person.
12:45
Speaker 3: But in this there's a Reddit person all underscore water
12:49
Speaker 3: I'm almost forty and still don't feel like an adult.
12:52
Speaker 3: This is from a year ago, and they write I
12:55
Speaker 3: have all the adult things husbands, kids, house, car pass
12:58
Speaker 3: I just don't feel like an adult, feel like an impostor.
13:01
Speaker 3: So technically they have hit all the mad markers, all
13:04
Speaker 3: the societal markers, and they still don't feel like an adult. Again,
13:08
Speaker 3: I come back to that the whole level of like
13:10
Speaker 3: nothing's changed except for your responsibilities and you're trying to
13:14
Speaker 3: fake it. And the response there was a lot in
13:16
Speaker 3: this response. One of them was from Caleb two nine
13:20
Speaker 3: five nine, and they write, you never feel like an adult,
13:23
Speaker 3: and there's a reason for this. As a child, your
13:25
Speaker 3: concept of adult is developed in terms of differences from you,
13:28
Speaker 3: and that concept never really changes.
13:30
Speaker 1: For the most part.
13:31
Speaker 3: It starts to change when you're a Kids are adults,
13:33
Speaker 3: but not completely adult. Always feels to some extent like
13:36
Speaker 3: something external to yourself, which is interesting because going back
13:40
Speaker 3: to that Psychology Today article, they say childhood impressions of
13:44
Speaker 3: adults are one of the biggest reasons why you don't
13:47
Speaker 3: feel like you ever grow up. This is what they write,
13:49
Speaker 3: Perhaps the biggest reasons you don't feel like a real
13:51
Speaker 3: grown up comes from the impressions you formed of adults
13:53
Speaker 3: when you were child, which are largely unchanged. Greater size,
13:57
Speaker 3: knowledge and authority gave this the grown ups around you
14:00
Speaker 3: aura of mythic adulthood. They probably seem to have things together,
14:04
Speaker 3: to be in control, to know the answers to life's
14:06
Speaker 3: big question. In contrast, you know, you haven't figured out
14:09
Speaker 3: the whole life thing, and so you're still waiting until
14:11
Speaker 3: your inner experience matchester expectations of which adulthood would feel like. Now,
14:18
Speaker 3: with that being said, I do feel like I do
14:21
Speaker 3: understand some of those cheesy phrases that I'm like, I
14:25
Speaker 3: even quoted it, like.
14:26
Speaker 1: The youth is wasted on the young. I get that now.
14:30
Speaker 3: I get that now, like in that level of like
14:33
Speaker 3: I wish I had some concepts and understanding of myself,
14:38
Speaker 3: you know, and understanding that it's not as bad as
14:41
Speaker 3: I thought it was once upon a time, you know
14:44
Speaker 3: what I mean, Like that that era where everything's to
14:46
Speaker 3: be falling apart. To be fair, everything is falling apart.
14:51
Speaker 3: So I'm validated in that same way, and so for
14:53
Speaker 3: the youth who are here, you're right. But how we
14:56
Speaker 3: react to.
14:57
Speaker 1: It is different.
14:58
Speaker 3: Now.
14:58
Speaker 1: It's different today.
15:00
Speaker 3: I was like wearing a hat like that bicycle theory,
15:02
Speaker 3: like you never forget how to how to ride a
15:04
Speaker 3: bicycle after you learn, which I've never learned.
15:07
Speaker 1: But anyway, it's that whole thing. I'm like, yeah, here
15:12
Speaker 1: we are again.
15:13
Speaker 3: Well let's pedal through it. We'll go get through this
15:16
Speaker 3: crisis once again. And I will say, going back to
15:19
Speaker 3: that Reddit thread, there were some really good lines there
15:21
Speaker 3: and I wanted to share a few of them. Lauren wrote,
15:25
Speaker 3: I'll be forty five this year, and one thing I've
15:27
Speaker 3: never lost is that childish wonder. Just this past week,
15:30
Speaker 3: I explored DC with my children and found wonder in
15:32
Speaker 3: the Natural History Museum, capital building, and fireworks. I try
15:35
Speaker 3: to be excited for my daughter, but also just excited
15:38
Speaker 3: still like a kid, to see all of these things.
15:40
Speaker 3: I feel bad for those adults who lose that wonder
15:43
Speaker 3: for the world. If that's being an adult, leave me out.
15:46
Speaker 3: And maybe that's what it is. Part of this is
15:48
Speaker 3: me discovering new things on YouTube, like I want to
15:51
Speaker 3: go to there, I want to ride a train.
15:54
Speaker 1: To the there.
15:54
Speaker 3: And I get very excited about some things like that,
15:57
Speaker 3: to the point that my partner Giggles was at me
16:00
Speaker 3: because I get overly excited about things that aren't real,
16:03
Speaker 3: or I get attached to this camping video that I
16:06
Speaker 3: love with this cute dog.
16:08
Speaker 1: I love that dog. Are you anyway?
16:12
Speaker 3: And there's just like new wonder So like I feel
16:14
Speaker 3: like I'm discovering places that didn't know or understand, you know.
16:17
Speaker 1: So it's kind of like, oh okay.
16:19
Speaker 3: At the same time, this is another little bit Sotbird
16:23
Speaker 3: three wrote. Mentally, I'm a teenager. Physically I'm sixty plus.
16:27
Speaker 3: Reality is I'm forty nine. I have to remind myself
16:30
Speaker 3: weakly that I'm not young anymore. Usually, right before I
16:32
Speaker 3: attempt to do something stupid, I appreciate it.
16:36
Speaker 1: Because it's true in my mind I can still do
16:39
Speaker 1: these things.
16:40
Speaker 3: In reality, my body's like you try it, you break,
16:42
Speaker 3: see what happens?
16:43
Speaker 1: Try me? Yeah, go ahead. You can't stand up like that?
16:46
Speaker 3: No more? Fair enough, fair enough, I will say, I
16:50
Speaker 3: don't do a lot of stupid things. I didn't do
16:52
Speaker 3: it as a kid either, so I feel like that's
16:54
Speaker 3: a bit different.
16:55
Speaker 1: Maybe that's what it was.
16:55
Speaker 3: I've always been a safe person, like I don't do
16:58
Speaker 3: too much risking. So therefore, as an adult who also
17:01
Speaker 3: was like a safe person.
17:03
Speaker 1: That I'm like, eh, no, thank you.
17:05
Speaker 3: There's one from Glittering Light six nine, and I feel
17:11
Speaker 3: like they made a point that said, I think this
17:12
Speaker 3: is a very American sentiment. I have never heard it
17:15
Speaker 3: anywhere else. I wonder if it has to do with
17:17
Speaker 3: media you had growing up. I heard a lot in
17:20
Speaker 3: my work in relation to clothing like things are too
17:23
Speaker 3: grown up or too old looking. But even for people
17:25
Speaker 3: in their fifties and older, and only American clients, my
17:29
Speaker 3: foreign clients, which is most of them, are not averse
17:31
Speaker 3: looking grown up at all. If they are younger, they
17:33
Speaker 3: will tend to use a word classy or sophisticated instead
17:36
Speaker 3: of old lady or too grown up. Maybe it has
17:39
Speaker 3: to do with the youth culture. Whereas praise is being young,
17:41
Speaker 3: it makes being an adult look worse. I don't know.
17:44
Speaker 3: I'm forty one and feel like an adult. I feel
17:46
Speaker 3: like an adult when I was no longer in school
17:48
Speaker 3: and working full time. When I think of opposite of adult,
17:51
Speaker 3: I think of a child or teenager. Children and teens
17:53
Speaker 3: are usually dependent with no freedom. They aren't operating in
17:56
Speaker 3: the adult world much at all. If you don't feel
17:59
Speaker 3: like that, then however you feel, is what an adult
18:01
Speaker 3: feels like. I wonder if it's like cousin of internal agism,
18:06
Speaker 3: or maybe it's a trauma thing.
18:07
Speaker 1: I had a really hard childhood. Lol.
18:10
Speaker 3: Feeling freedom and autonomy is amazing, and that feels like
18:13
Speaker 3: being an adult to me.
18:14
Speaker 1: And I think that's something to be said about what
18:16
Speaker 1: she said.
18:17
Speaker 3: Internal agism the stereotype which often is a very bad one.
18:23
Speaker 3: I'm not agreeing with this, but that if you're aging,
18:25
Speaker 3: you're dying in decrepit and are no longer in use.
18:28
Speaker 3: We've talked about this when retirement ages and people feeling
18:32
Speaker 3: like they're being dismissed at a certain point.
18:35
Speaker 1: Maybe this is what it is. Maybe it is a.
18:37
Speaker 3: Part of the internal agism that we haven't talked about
18:40
Speaker 3: enough in my expectation of being an adult, so maybe
18:43
Speaker 3: there's a small fear of being that adult because being
18:46
Speaker 3: an adult means you're ending coming to.
18:48
Speaker 1: The end of life, which is a horrible way to
18:51
Speaker 1: look at it.
18:52
Speaker 2: You kind of move out of that junior section into
18:55
Speaker 2: the adult section.
18:57
Speaker 1: I know, I could do the ladies.
19:00
Speaker 2: Excuse me, Yes, you.
19:01
Speaker 1: Know what I'm talking about this section. Yes, actually I
19:05
Speaker 1: had a shop on floor.
19:07
Speaker 2: I do actually wonder too and listeners from other countries,
19:13
Speaker 2: especially European countries, as this commenter.
19:15
Speaker 3: Was European I think they might have been Asian Blichi Okayichi.
19:22
Speaker 2: Well, I just know that it's not always the case
19:27
Speaker 2: that in other countries, like it is in America, that
19:30
Speaker 2: you get a job young, like it's more expected that
19:34
Speaker 2: you do your studies and that's that's your focus. So
19:40
Speaker 2: I wonder if that also kind of blurs the line
19:43
Speaker 2: of you get a job so young, it doesn't necessarily
19:47
Speaker 2: feel like you're an adult at that point, but that
19:51
Speaker 2: is kind of a marker of adulthood. I do also
19:57
Speaker 2: think like media plays into it. But I think that
19:59
Speaker 2: was a next one point from the Psychology Today article
20:03
Speaker 2: about when you're a kid, your parents or whoever is
20:07
Speaker 2: looking after you, hopefully you think that they know everything,
20:15
Speaker 2: but when you get older, you don't ever reach that point.
20:19
Speaker 2: So I personally have found that that's something that gets
20:23
Speaker 2: in the way of me feeling like an adult because
20:24
Speaker 2: I always thought there's a point where you get settled
20:28
Speaker 2: and you know everything and your life makes sense, and
20:33
Speaker 2: I've never reached that point. But as you age, you
20:36
Speaker 2: realize your parents also didn't know everything, and we're struggling
20:40
Speaker 2: to It just doesn't look the same.
20:43
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, it doesn't.
20:46
Speaker 3: There's another comment because it kind of come back into
20:49
Speaker 3: that trauma imposter syndrome thing talks about. I'm not sure
20:52
Speaker 3: this is from Blueberry Rule. They wrote, I'm not sure
20:55
Speaker 3: how deep that imposter syndrome goes for you, but it
20:58
Speaker 3: could many times be a result of the unprocessed trauma
21:01
Speaker 3: that keeps a person stuck in a certain middle age
21:04
Speaker 3: no matter how they are really what else is going
21:07
Speaker 3: around around them? Obviously, when I'm describing this deep and
21:09
Speaker 3: vay disturbing situation for a person feeling stuck, and I
21:12
Speaker 3: think that could be a part of the conversation for
21:14
Speaker 3: some others.
21:14
Speaker 1: We talked about that with like hobbies.
21:17
Speaker 3: And the level of like need for fictional relationships or
21:23
Speaker 3: that depth of love or like k pop stands. This
21:26
Speaker 3: could have something to do with like being stuck, not
21:28
Speaker 3: necessarily trauma, but actually being able to enjoy something to
21:31
Speaker 3: the full at this age and retreating into it. That's
21:36
Speaker 3: many people might call childish. That's all we could go
21:39
Speaker 3: back to that.
21:39
Speaker 1: But that level.
21:41
Speaker 3: And then there was one more comment that I really
21:42
Speaker 3: liked alternative lie nine four eighty six. I've got almost
21:46
Speaker 3: twenty years on you, and I'm definitely not an adult.
21:48
Speaker 3: I'm an extraordinarily responsible kid. And I really like that level,
21:52
Speaker 3: like like being we are adult, I don't know how responsible,
21:54
Speaker 3: but like if we've come to the point of realizing, oh, yeah,
21:57
Speaker 3: we have to figure this thing out, whether it's the bill,
22:00
Speaker 3: whether it's laundry, whether it's keeping house together and being
22:03
Speaker 3: clean when a company comes over, that's what I do,
22:06
Speaker 3: taking care of your pets, or even if you do
22:07
Speaker 3: have kids, taking care of your kids. But there's the
22:10
Speaker 3: level of like being responsible at the same time still
22:13
Speaker 3: feeling like a child. And I love that, Like I'm
22:16
Speaker 3: an extraordinarily responsible kid because I got adult money, I've
22:19
Speaker 3: got adult responsibilities, but I still don't feel like that child.
22:23
Speaker 1: And yeah, I get that too.
22:25
Speaker 3: I don't know, maybe it's not a bad thing that
22:28
Speaker 3: we don't feel that way. I think this again, and
22:30
Speaker 3: then coming back to like if she if this writer
22:33
Speaker 3: was Asian, the one they're talking about, you know, maybe
22:35
Speaker 3: it's a cultural thing. Maybe because like in Asian cultures
22:38
Speaker 3: you do respect adults and to a certain level, to
22:40
Speaker 3: the point that they cannot be wrong, almost like you
22:43
Speaker 3: cannot correct them. That's not a thing, which is like
22:46
Speaker 3: that's the whole different spectrum that we could come back
22:48
Speaker 3: to but in that level, Like, so being an adult
22:50
Speaker 3: finally puts you in a place of like standing.
22:54
Speaker 1: Yeah, respectability to a certain level.
22:56
Speaker 3: So maybe that's why when you get to that point
23:00
Speaker 3: you do feel like an adult. I don't know, but
23:03
Speaker 3: it's okay, we're figuring this thing out. I think a
23:06
Speaker 3: lot of us understand those and I think it does
23:08
Speaker 3: have again, like the environmental situations that we talked about
23:11
Speaker 3: our expectations and understanding as children to today, like what
23:14
Speaker 3: we saw then as adulthood and not reaching that because
23:16
Speaker 3: it wasn't the same.
23:17
Speaker 1: It isn't the.
23:18
Speaker 3: Same the expectation of being not having friends, you just
23:22
Speaker 3: concentrate on family. Maybe one of those reasons is that
23:25
Speaker 3: I still hang out with my friends sometimes, but I
23:29
Speaker 3: have plenty of them that I can go be like
23:31
Speaker 3: let's go hang out and do beers, which feels very
23:33
Speaker 3: college age.
23:34
Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah, and I was thinking about that we've discussed before.
23:38
Speaker 2: But I still I have a lot of hobbies that
23:40
Speaker 2: I would consider childish, like playing video games or even
23:44
Speaker 2: cosplay that. Yeah, I don't think when I think about
23:50
Speaker 2: my mom, she didn't have time to do that. It's
23:52
Speaker 2: not necessarily that she wouldn't have done something like that,
23:56
Speaker 2: but she didn't have time to do it. So there's
24:00
Speaker 2: an element of that as well, of me feeling that
24:04
Speaker 2: it's childish, but maybe she feels like I wish I
24:07
Speaker 2: could have done that.
24:09
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, oh yeah, there's a lot. Tell us your
24:14
Speaker 3: thoughts on this, because I know this is a big
24:15
Speaker 3: conversation for many of us.
24:17
Speaker 2: Please do tell us your thoughts. We would love to
24:19
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