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From Spiritual Goo to Butterfly: It's a Longer Trip Than You Think · The Spiritual Shitshow Podcast

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Hello and welcome back to the Spiritual Shit Show.
• 0:03
  Speaker 1: My name is Julie Nguyen and sometimes I just offer a lot of thought babble here because it's what I am processing.
• 0:10
  Speaker 1: And sometimes what I am processing is also what is happening collectively Energetics, emotions.
• 0:21
  Speaker 1: I love astrology but I don't.
• 0:25
  Speaker 1: I'm not one to offer astrology, but I do think when we say it's in the collective, I really think it's in the stars.
• 0:30
  Speaker 1: When things are shifting, we may all feel a little bit more intense or a little bit more scattered or a little bit more courageous or a little bit more, whatever it is.
• 0:42
  Speaker 1: So I think a lot of the times when we're feeling things in the collective, it's because we are all universally tied to what's happening in the stars and we are just feeling that flow and riding that ride.
• 0:52
  Speaker 1: So I wanted to share these thoughts that I am having because I just recorded a podcast about you know what this really means to be in your own, becoming the art of becoming oneself.
• 1:08
  Speaker 1: The privilege of a lifetime is to know, to become, to be who you already are.
• 1:14
  Speaker 1: And I will say for me, which is which I find myself still hesitating to talk about it, because there's a need to protect and also there's a fear of like you know what if this comes back to get me.
• 1:34
  Speaker 1: So there's a little bit of fear about speaking my truth around all of this.
• 1:37
  Speaker 1: But I grew up with a narcissist and then most of my adulthood was also wrapped up quite, quite tightly with this person.
• 1:51
  Speaker 1: And I have a sweet friend and she said I don't believe in narcissism, I just believe in deeply traumatized people.
• 1:58
  Speaker 1: So there is a lot of compassion of seeing you know how somebody has been shaped into their life Again.
• 2:06
  Speaker 1: It doesn't make their actions right, but there can be a compassionate understanding of how they got there and in all of that a lot of people who have come out of narcissistic relationships like.
• 2:20
  Speaker 1: Then you begin.
• 2:21
  Speaker 1: I always say we need our own 12 step program because it's fucking wild.
• 2:28
  Speaker 1: It's wild when you begin the healing process and you begin to realize how much of your voice, your identity, your power, your friendships, your life was at the time being stripped from you, your energy was being stripped from you.
• 2:43
  Speaker 1: And also when you cut it, it's like it's so hard to trust yourself because you were wrapped up into this space of being gaslit all the time, all the time.
• 2:58
  Speaker 1: And I remember when I first became a life coach and I'll stop calling them the narcissist, they just they played a very powerful role in my becoming.
• 3:11
  Speaker 1: They were the pressure that added to my spiritual discoveries and psychic gifts, and also this very tumultuous space which I've called the spiritual shit show of you know the unraveling of self, and a lot of the times we hear that metaphor of you know it's the caterpillar.
• 3:35
  Speaker 1: And then the caterpillar goes through this whole like metamorphosis and it literally becomes goo and nothing.
• 3:41
  Speaker 1: And then it becomes a beautiful butterfly and when you hear that, you're like, oh yeah, that's so sweet, that's what I'm doing.
• 3:46
  Speaker 1: But no, no girl, when you are in that goo part, it can last for fucking ever.
• 3:53
  Speaker 1: It's going to last longer than you want it to, because it's just so uncomfortable, it is so stripping, it is so disorienting.
• 4:00
  Speaker 1: And this is what I mean when I say like we can read about these things.
• 4:06
  Speaker 1: We can read spiritual context, we can read about the caterpillar that turns into the butterfly, but to actually experience it and to actually embody the works of becoming it can be a shit show, which is also why I'm here creating this podcast, because I want to support you in the normalizing of it all, so you can feel supported in any stage that you're at, and so that you know that when it is feeling hard and dark and heavy and fucking uncomfortable and you're over it and it's lasted way too long but you're still in it and you can't see a way out of it, I am here.
• 4:48
  Speaker 1: I am here to support you in this process.
• 4:53
  Speaker 1: But I remember when I first became a life coach and my really incredible spiritual teacher would always wave her hand in my face and say I don't know You're the life coach, you tell me.
• 5:08
  Speaker 1: Or I don't know You're the Reiki master, you tell me, I don't know, you're the spiritual like, whatever you get the point.
• 5:17
  Speaker 1: And so in that I was like damn.
• 5:20
  Speaker 1: So then what do I need to look like so I can become the life coach, so I can become the Reiki master?
• 5:27
  Speaker 1: And I think I've told this story before my very first coaching client.
• 5:31
  Speaker 1: I was meeting them at a coffee shop.
• 5:34
  Speaker 1: The same way, I first met my life coach, and so I put on a professional looking outfit and I was going to show up and I got in my car and I was like Julie, what are you doing?
• 5:44
  Speaker 1: And then I was like this is not you.
• 5:47
  Speaker 1: And so I paused myself and I was like, okay, if I am going to, if I could have this anyway I want, what would I do?
• 5:55
  Speaker 1: What would I wear?
• 5:56
  Speaker 1: And it was like I would go inside and put on jeans and my converse and a t-shirt and that's how I'm going to show up.
• 6:02
  Speaker 1: And I was like, okay, I should do that, because that is authentically me.
• 6:06
  Speaker 1: That is not me cosplaying something that somebody else thinks that it should look like to be respected or responsible or professional or whatever, because the work is that.
• 6:20
  Speaker 1: The work is if I can show up authentically myself.
• 6:24
  Speaker 1: That is the magic, that is the power, and the same goes for you, too.
• 6:32
  Speaker 1: And the space of allowing myself to become, especially the first half of my life, which was so like magically turbulent meaning it was magical in so many aspects and there's so many parts to be grateful for it has opened a door for me to have loads of compassion for myself.
• 6:55
  Speaker 1: I'm like whoa, you know, like you were 21 with a business and dance moms Wow.
• 7:07
  Speaker 1: Or you had at one point, two dance studios and zero guidance, like zero mentors, but you did that shit, wow.
• 7:11
  Speaker 1: Or you finally had enough and you had to come out of it.
• 7:15
  Speaker 1: I've had to really become my own cheerleader, and that is what we need.
• 7:22
  Speaker 1: And now in the collective, we are all finding our tribe as well.
• 7:27
  Speaker 1: So know that your tribe is out there.
• 7:31
  Speaker 1: Whatever it is that you need is available to you, and I am so grateful to have now been able to find my tribe.
• 7:43
  Speaker 1: What a blessing, what a fucking blessing.
• 7:46
  Speaker 1: It is fun and it takes me a lot of work to practice, to embrace people that they will love me with me being me, because there is still that noise from my past of you're not lovable or you're crazy or they don't like you, or all of those types of things.
• 8:09
  Speaker 1: And again, becoming my own cheerleader has been so important.
• 8:14
  Speaker 1: Now, what does this look like?
• 8:16
  Speaker 1: To be yourself?
• 8:18
  Speaker 1: I have to consciously do it every single day and in that choosing, I also have to consciously choose how I am loving, how I am showing up that day and giving myself loads and loads and loads of, sometimes grace, sometimes like huh.
• 8:36
  Speaker 1: There's that belief system and I'll tell you a lot of this work to the spiritual work was a realization of how much I inherited from my family line, and there is a great book out there called it Didn't Start With you, let me find the author, but it talks about transgenerational trauma and how that's passed along.
• 9:02
  Speaker 1: And when I was with my dad at the end of the night especially when we would take him out to meet people, he would always say was I good?
• 9:11
  Speaker 1: Yeah, dad, what do you mean?
• 9:13
  Speaker 1: Well, I didn't say anything stupid, right, like people like me.
• 9:16
  Speaker 1: Well, I didn't say anything stupid, right, like people like me.
• 9:17
  Speaker 1: Right, like I didn't do anything that people wouldn't like me, right?
• 9:20
  Speaker 1: And I was like, oh my gosh, that is the story.
• 9:26
  Speaker 1: I tell myself and ask myself, and those are the feelings that I feel every time I leave a social situation I'm okay, right, people like me.
• 9:35
  Speaker 1: Right, I didn't say anything offensive, right, I didn't say anything that would make people not like me.
• 9:41
  Speaker 1: Right, I'm still good, right, having my dad put a voice to that.
• 9:45
  Speaker 1: I was like, damn, I don't know how much of this is me or how much of this I've just inherited from my father.
• 9:52
  Speaker 1: And when those things creep up, inherited from my father, and when those things creep up, I just have to question it.
• 10:03
  Speaker 1: Now, you know, like, is this really me, or is this an inherited thing, or what else can I tell myself?
• 10:07
  Speaker 1: And so lately it's like it's fine Like it is what it is.
• 10:10
  Speaker 1: You were who you were and, in this practice of self love and self acceptance, accept how you showed up, and there's always room for improvement.
• 10:19
  Speaker 1: So if you want to reflect about you, know what you could have said better or how you reacted or how you, whatever, it's fine, because this is, this is the practice.
• 10:30
  Speaker 1: This is the practice.
• 10:32
  Speaker 1: And then next time when you show up in a social situation, this is the practice.
• 10:35
  Speaker 1: And then next time when you show up in a social situation, you know, maybe you just practice how to ground before you get into the situation, or maybe you're being forced to practice listening more and talking less, maybe.
• 10:48
  Speaker 1: So it's all part of the process, it's all part of the learning, it's all part of you know, the growth, the art of becoming.
• 11:02
  Speaker 1: And then it leads to the question so who am I and how do I really want to show up without the fear of judgment, without the backstory of?
• 11:10
  Speaker 1: You know what my once very powerful spiritual teacher?
• 11:16
  Speaker 1: You know how they would push me into thinking certain things about myself.
• 11:21
  Speaker 1: The real work is is that true and do I believe that anymore?
• 11:25
  Speaker 1: And how can I continue to authentically show up as myself, period, period, period.
• 11:33
  Speaker 1: And again, this takes work.
• 11:43
  Speaker 1: It takes a lot of self-awareness, it takes a lot of self-forgiveness, it takes a lot of self-compassion.
• 11:48
  Speaker 1: And then, as always, just as we breathe, we continue to meet it again and again, and again and again.
• 11:56
  Speaker 1: What is real for me, what is true for me?
• 12:04
  Speaker 1: What does this look like for me to show up?
• 12:09
  Speaker 1: And the cool part is I realized that when I really allow myself to show up as myself, without needing to dress a certain way or mask anything, I actually can be of such brilliant service to other people.
• 12:32
  Speaker 1: My work becomes better because I get to show up as myself and the work, the authentic work, gets to flow through me.
• 12:43
  Speaker 1: And that has been a really cool reminder too.
• 12:53
  Speaker 1: I teach in dance studios and I always teach that the magic is you, that the spark and the work and what people gravitate towards it's you, it's your authentic magic.
• 13:06
  Speaker 1: And I think that message not only do I need to continue to hear, but it's a universal message that truly the magic is you, how you authentically show up, allowing yourself to feel, to be, to create, to express, to experience, that's the spark, that the magic is you, and when we can show up in our authenticity, our human mess, our spiritual wisdom, our ability to say and know that you're an ever-evolving work in progress and actually the work is never done, ever, ever, ever, ever.
• 14:03
  Speaker 1: It's never done this.
• 14:20
  Speaker 1: How do I, I, I, I can blend with into the service of we and how can I be of service to you and how can I empower and inspire and hold and support you?
• 14:35
  Speaker 1: But it starts with the remembrance of the I first, and connecting back into the I I am, I am loving, I am powerful, I am an ever working progress, I am graceful, I am strong, I am witty, I am whatever the I am is for you.
• 14:58
  Speaker 1: And then, when you can ground into your I am, then it's like oh yeah, I can really show up for you now too.
• 15:06
  Speaker 1: Now I can show up for you the way I want to show up for you, and now I have the capacity to be a support system for you.
• 15:17
  Speaker 1: And we are a small I in the bigger C of we, in the bigger sea of we, meaning that when I recognize my light, my power, my strength, my gifts and I own that and connect with that, then that power ripples out into the world as loving, kindness, compassionate support, love, and we all need that love now more than ever.
• 16:14
  Speaker 1: So I'm going to continue to practice.
• 16:16
  Speaker 1: What does this feel like if I authentically show up as myself, in my gifts, in my offerings, in what I believe, wrapped in compassion and understanding and love, deepening more and more into who I am, what I desire, constantly questioning the things that might be holding me back, like do I really think I'm worthy of love, success, money, a program that people want to participate in?
• 17:00
  Speaker 1: Do I believe that, whatever it is?
• 17:05
  Speaker 1: So I'm going to continue to practice these other things.
• 17:10
  Speaker 1: Where am I holding myself back?
• 17:12
  Speaker 1: What's the hook here?
• 17:14
  Speaker 1: How is it serving me?
• 17:17
  Speaker 1: And then how can I gently release it?
• 17:20
  Speaker 1: And then how can all of that become just a fun service for other people as well?
• 17:35
  Speaker 1: Isn't it fun to be human?
• 17:41
  Speaker 1: Some people say no, I don't want to return into this human form, and I think I always return to this human form because there's so much to learn and there's so much to experience and there's so much to become.
• 17:56
  Speaker 1: And as I continue to gently awaken to the truth of who I am, we teach, learn, learn, teach.
• 18:02
  Speaker 1: And I hope by listening to this too, some of these questions, or this very vulnerable share, offers you time and space to begin to reflect on who you are as well.
• 18:13
  Speaker 1: What do I believe in about myself?
• 18:15
  Speaker 1: Do I believe I'm worthy of love, of good relationships, of success, of money, of whatever?
• 18:21
  Speaker 1: What's holding me back, what are my fears, to begin to cultivate a deeper sense of into the power of your?
• 18:28
  Speaker 1: I am a remembering, I am love, I am kind, I am creative, I am.
• 18:46
  Speaker 1: And then consciously choosing an empowering choice to show up as authentically you, as best as you can, every day, to follow the impulses of authentic joy, love expanding into possibilities in all directions and then helping other people to see that possibility, that light, within themselves as well.
• 19:23
  Speaker 1: All right, that's it.
• 19:26
  Speaker 1: Thanks for listening, thanks for being here, thanks for being you, till next time.