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A Season of Reflection: What God Has Done & Where He's Leading Next · For Such a Time as This

• 0:06
  SPEAKER_00: So we're back for another episode of For Such a Time as This.
• 0:10
  SPEAKER_00: This episode is gonna be a little bit different.
• 0:12
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 0:13
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not gonna have my little transition clips like they usually have because this whole episode is called the transition episode.
• 0:20
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 0:21
  SPEAKER_00: So we are coming up on our one-year anniversary of For Such a Time as This launching.
• 0:27
  SPEAKER_00: It launched November 1st last year, which is crazy that it's been a whole year.
• 0:33
  SPEAKER_00: When I sit and think about it, I'm like, that year went real fast, real fast.
• 0:38
  SPEAKER_00: Um so I'm planning to use this episode mostly just to kind of recap what we learned and went over in the first two seasons, as well as give you some previews into the next two seasons.
• 0:55
  SPEAKER_00: I also wanted to just start it off with saying um, I don't know, just kind of the story behind why I started the podcast and what it's developed into.
• 1:05
  SPEAKER_00: Uh I actually had um quite a handful of people reach out to me over the last year asking me um why I started it, uh what my plans are for it, um asking for encouragement and um tips, I guess.
• 1:26
  SPEAKER_00: I don't I just don't see like someone that would get tips on a podcast.
• 1:29
  SPEAKER_00: I guess I've been doing it for a year now, but we started off with no idea what I was doing.
• 1:36
  SPEAKER_00: Just want to throw that out there.
• 1:38
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but so with that being said, uh for such a time as this.
• 1:46
  SPEAKER_00: The title itself came from just one of my favorite Bible verses.
• 1:51
  SPEAKER_00: I think I said this back at the beginning of season one is for such a time as this is tattooed on my pie.
• 1:57
  SPEAKER_00: Um I also I have multiple Bible verses tattooed on me, but that was one of the first ones.
• 2:03
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and it's just it's just it is what it is.
• 2:07
  SPEAKER_00: Like for such a time as this, you were born in the time that you were born in, with the family you were born in, in the place you were born in, for a reason.
• 2:16
  SPEAKER_00: So I think that's what I wanted this podcast to be because it's gonna be a whole bunch of different things.
• 2:24
  SPEAKER_00: So we've already gone through multiple topics, we're gonna go through totally different topics.
• 2:28
  SPEAKER_00: So I didn't want to label it something where I can just be free to express like whatever was gonna come along in the next couple seasons.
• 2:38
  SPEAKER_00: I am a huge planner, so basically as soon as I knew I was starting it, I had the next four seasons planned now.
• 2:45
  SPEAKER_00: Um, so but but I wanted the freedom to be able to do with it whatever would come up later.
• 2:53
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I honestly the reason I started it was um I've had numerous people in my life, uh, especially over the past, I don't know, decade or so, um tell me on my social media that I need to start like a blog because I was so good at um I guess telling my story.
• 3:19
  SPEAKER_00: Um and I, if anything, I had always said I'd start a blog because I'm just not one to to type and type and type or write and write and write.
• 3:34
  SPEAKER_00: Um I'd rather, even though I'm an introvert, I'd rather be in front of the camera um rather than having to write all that.
• 3:44
  SPEAKER_00: That's a lot of writing.
• 3:45
  SPEAKER_00: Um so uh that's just been a little bug in my ear for a while.
• 3:50
  SPEAKER_00: And then I um started going to church at Union.
• 3:54
  SPEAKER_00: My pastor over my team, Pastor Devon, he did so graciously did a one-on-one mentorship with me and some other people.
• 4:04
  SPEAKER_00: And something that he said when I told him, Ideally, I want to do full-time ministry, but I also ideally want to do creativity.
• 4:13
  SPEAKER_00: I just I really want those, both of those avenues to work together.
• 4:17
  SPEAKER_00: He basically was like, Well, what's something that you can be working on now?
• 4:21
  SPEAKER_00: You're not in full-time ministry now, but what's something you can do now that will have growth and later down the line you can show a church when you want to start working there.
• 4:32
  SPEAKER_00: So honestly, that's why I started.
• 4:34
  SPEAKER_00: And then um since then, it's been more about relating to people and not even you guys, like on the other side of the screen.
• 4:44
  SPEAKER_00: It's been a lot of relating to the people I'm sitting across from.
• 4:49
  SPEAKER_00: I've realized that people just want to be seen, and so I'll ask people to be on.
• 4:56
  SPEAKER_00: There will be people that'll come to my mind and my heart.
• 4:59
  SPEAKER_00: I'll ask them to be on, and almost every single person is just beyond excited that they would even be considered.
• 5:06
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and I think that just goes to show like people just want you to see them, and it's a good opportunity for me to see someone sitting across from me.
• 5:17
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and then I mean also to connect with you guys over the interweb.
• 5:22
  SPEAKER_00: Um and for you guys to relate as well, and I'd love to have like more conversations um with the viewers, and I'd love to have some of you on.
• 5:33
  SPEAKER_00: Just message me or comments or whatever, and and we can connect.
• 5:37
  SPEAKER_00: At one point, I thought about um doing some like viewer questions, and I think I did that one or two episodes at the end.
• 5:45
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, but if you guys have questions, feel free to ask.
• 5:49
  SPEAKER_00: You're happy to answer.
• 5:50
  SPEAKER_00: We being the, I suppose.
• 5:52
  SPEAKER_00: Um, because it's just a one-man show over here.
• 5:56
  SPEAKER_00: Um that's not true.
• 5:58
  SPEAKER_00: My boyfriend helps me edit now, so I can't even say that anymore.
• 6:02
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I where are we going with this?
• 6:06
  SPEAKER_00: All right, guys, reel it back in.
• 6:08
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I when I first started had no idea what I was doing.
• 6:13
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know why Pastor Devon said, What can you do now?
• 6:16
  SPEAKER_00: And in my head, I said, Oh, a podcast.
• 6:18
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know where that correlation was made in my head, but here we are.
• 6:23
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I think just because people told me a blog, and then I didn't want to just be talking myself.
• 6:29
  SPEAKER_00: I'm much better at having conversation, this whole conversation with the camera.
• 6:33
  SPEAKER_00: Um, we're gonna see if I can make it a good like 35-40 minutes for a full episode for y'all.
• 6:38
  SPEAKER_00: It's just gonna be me rambling um and going, oh, squirrel in the HD moments.
• 6:45
  SPEAKER_00: Um anyway.
• 6:48
  SPEAKER_00: See, I already lost my trader thought, you guys, this episode.
• 6:52
  SPEAKER_00: Plus, I have all right, I have my handy-dandy phone.
• 6:55
  SPEAKER_00: If you've been watching, like on YouTube, you'll see it's a lot easier to do it with someone else because while they're talking, I can just be glancing down at my phone and hopefully you guys are paying attention to me.
• 7:05
  SPEAKER_00: But um, right now it's just me.
• 7:07
  SPEAKER_00: So we're just gonna uh be glancing at my phone still, but it's only me, so you're really gonna just um notice, but that's okay.
• 7:15
  SPEAKER_00: Um, so anyway, what this has become.
• 7:18
  SPEAKER_00: This has become seeing people.
• 7:21
  SPEAKER_00: It's grown.
• 7:22
  SPEAKER_00: I don't I don't know that I had an expectation for what it was gonna do online.
• 7:26
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, it hasn't blown out of the park, um, but it has like slowly and surely grown some followers.
• 7:34
  SPEAKER_00: Um I will say it was a a lot, it is a lot of work.
• 7:39
  SPEAKER_00: Um, more work than I thought it would be, to be honest.
• 7:42
  SPEAKER_00: Um, at first, most of the work was trying to figure out the whole like audio system part.
• 7:48
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I didn't realize like editing audio was a thing that was gonna have to happen.
• 7:53
  SPEAKER_00: Um so that was really fun.
• 7:57
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I met with a couple people to try to like help me along that process.
• 8:01
  SPEAKER_00: And then there's the whole video editing and making clips out of the videos.
• 8:06
  SPEAKER_00: It's um so it's not even just like setting up the lights and the microphone and the camera and then pressing record and actually talking to someone for 45 minutes.
• 8:14
  SPEAKER_00: It's then a lot more work after that.
• 8:16
  SPEAKER_00: Um, the editing is a lot of work that I didn't realize I was gonna be putting in, but I I figured out a system, I think.
• 8:25
  SPEAKER_00: I think.
• 8:26
  SPEAKER_00: Um, so anyway, let's let's jump into kind of what we've what we've gone over.
• 8:31
  SPEAKER_00: So our first season was called uh creative calling.
• 8:37
  SPEAKER_00: Um and I chose this topic for the first season because that was kind of what I wanted, that's why I wanted to start the podcast, was because I wanted the creative side of ministry.
• 8:51
  SPEAKER_00: Um and so all these episodes have been through a lens of faith.
• 8:56
  SPEAKER_00: It doesn't matter what the topic is.
• 8:58
  SPEAKER_00: So even creative calling was talking to people who um are creatives in the ministry field.
• 9:05
  SPEAKER_00: Um, so and I will say it was that season was a little bit shorter because creatives are so crazy busy, um, myself included.
• 9:17
  SPEAKER_00: And so I have a few people that wanted still be on that were creatives that I um that'll maybe be a season a year from now or something.
• 9:27
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but I did have the opportunity to talk to a good like 10 different creatives and creatives in so many different ways.
• 9:36
  SPEAKER_00: We talked to um pastors, teachers, uh people behind the scenes with creative development, graphic design, um, marketing directors, uh videographers.
• 9:50
  SPEAKER_00: Um, one of the the coolest opportunities in that season was to uh be able to go do the brickwork studio with Jemima.
• 9:57
  SPEAKER_00: Um, Jemima and Juan own this studio in Baltimore City.
• 10:02
  SPEAKER_00: It was so cool there.
• 10:03
  SPEAKER_00: And guys, he he let me use some of their cameras so we had like different angles and their lighting instead of my cheap Amazon lighting.
• 10:11
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but so that was a shout out to Jemima for that episode.
• 10:16
  SPEAKER_00: Um, also, just while we're doing shout-outs, a shout out to my friends Callie and Mike, who were the first ones to do this with me.
• 10:23
  SPEAKER_00: And I was like, hey, I'm doing a podcast.
• 10:26
  SPEAKER_00: And everyone was like, Oh, okay.
• 10:28
  SPEAKER_00: And I was like, Do you want to be on it?
• 10:30
  SPEAKER_00: And they were like, Yeah, sure.
• 10:32
  SPEAKER_00: So shout out to Callie and Mike as well.
• 10:34
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you guys for being my first guests.
• 10:36
  SPEAKER_00: We are now, what, like I think maybe 25 guests in, somewhere around that, which has been really cool.
• 10:46
  SPEAKER_00: Again, connecting with the guests that I have on the show is one of my um one of my favorite parts.
• 10:55
  SPEAKER_00: My I think during the creative calling season, um what I learned is the biggest thing that stuck out to me that seemed to happen in every episode of that season.
• 11:12
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and it wasn't ever in the outlines or anything, it would always come up is that creatives really get their inspiration from the Holy Spirit.
• 11:21
  SPEAKER_00: Um and so I think even me, honestly, before was a lot of I think when I was in church, it was easier to just feel the Holy Spirit move and be creative when I was there.
• 11:33
  SPEAKER_00: But outside of church, it was more like, oh, I gotta come up with all these things in my brain.
• 11:38
  SPEAKER_00: Um, whereas if you actually just sit, uh the Holy Spirit actually plants things in your heart, which is really cool.
• 11:45
  SPEAKER_00: I think that's one of the main things that I learned.
• 11:47
  SPEAKER_00: Um, that it seems consistent throughout all creatives, uh, whatever platform you're using.
• 11:53
  SPEAKER_00: Um and then my second season was called Single and Set Apart.
• 12:02
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, that one was a longer season because I got a lot of single friends.
• 12:07
  SPEAKER_00: What's really cool though, really, really cool, I find really, really cool, is a handful of them now are not single anymore.
• 12:18
  SPEAKER_00: Myself included, I did start that season single.
• 12:22
  SPEAKER_00: Um, let's see, I started that season in I don't know.
• 12:28
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not good with time frame, but I did start that season single, I promise.
• 12:32
  SPEAKER_00: There wasn't like some hidden agenda behind it.
• 12:35
  SPEAKER_00: I really started it single and was single through the first like half of it, probably, and then halfway through started dating my boyfriend.
• 12:42
  SPEAKER_00: Um But I think I think being in a place where I was comfortable enough with my singleness that I could talk about it with people to that extent and like share the growth aspect of it.
• 12:58
  SPEAKER_00: I think that honestly, in part had stuff to do with why I am where I am today, um, and how I have the relationship that I have today was a lot of those early-on conversations in the single and set apart um season.
• 13:14
  SPEAKER_00: That was it was a really, really good season, guys.
• 13:17
  SPEAKER_00: It went on a while.
• 13:18
  SPEAKER_00: I wish it could have gone on longer, though, to be honest.
• 13:21
  SPEAKER_00: But I I feel like you guys would get bored with the same.
• 13:23
  SPEAKER_00: It wasn't the same story, but you guys would get bored with just singleness is okay.
• 13:29
  SPEAKER_00: Over and over again.
• 13:31
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I did like getting the different um different stories and perspectives.
• 13:37
  SPEAKER_00: We had females, males, um, late 20s to mid-50s, I think.
• 13:44
  SPEAKER_00: And then um at the end of the season, we had uh a couple different people who are now married, um, but they they were single like later in life, you'd label it as.
• 13:57
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and it was really cool to talk to them too and get kind of their side of the stories in that way.
• 14:04
  SPEAKER_00: Um I think we don't want to play favorites, but one of I loved everyone that I had on.
• 14:17
  SPEAKER_00: They're all really near and dear to my heart.
• 14:19
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I feel like I should play Matchmaker now and start matching people up with people.
• 14:23
  SPEAKER_00: Um But one of the things that stuck out to me most and still sticks in my head today um is my friend Anthony.
• 14:35
  SPEAKER_00: He was maybe the second episode.
• 14:37
  SPEAKER_00: Um, something that he said was, I I was talking to him about Paul and how Paul says, Well, if you can stay single, stay single.
• 14:46
  SPEAKER_00: And I said, Well, what do you think?
• 14:48
  SPEAKER_00: What if there isn't someone for you?
• 14:50
  SPEAKER_00: And he said, There is someone.
• 14:52
  SPEAKER_00: God said it's not good for a man to be alone.
• 14:55
  SPEAKER_00: So he he made us a helpmate.
• 14:57
  SPEAKER_00: And I said, Okay.
• 14:59
  SPEAKER_00: And then he said, and you were designed to be a helpmate.
• 15:02
  SPEAKER_00: And I said, You're right, I was.
• 15:04
  SPEAKER_00: And that I was still very single at that time.
• 15:08
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and I needed that.
• 15:10
  SPEAKER_00: And that really stuck in my brain.
• 15:13
  SPEAKER_00: That was the that was really good.
• 15:15
  SPEAKER_00: And then we wrapped up that season with um my story and my boyfriend's story of us uh walking through our singleness before we got together, and then kind of how we ended up with each other, which is truly God.
• 15:30
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but just wanted to have the opportunity to share that with you guys, and I think that that was really cool.
• 15:35
  SPEAKER_00: So hopefully you guys have been enjoying everything so far.
• 15:38
  SPEAKER_00: I'd love to hear some of your favorite episodes and what has stuck out to you along the way.
• 15:44
  SPEAKER_00: If you leave it in the comments or send me a message, um, I'd love to talk more about what kind of things you guys want to dive into.
• 15:52
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but I will say, looking ahead, we I already have the next two seasons planned out.
• 16:00
  SPEAKER_00: I already have uh it's uh with season three, I already have almost all of the recordings dates set.
• 16:08
  SPEAKER_00: And then with season four, I already have a list of people I want to ask to be on it.
• 16:12
  SPEAKER_00: Um and I already have ideas for season five.
• 16:16
  SPEAKER_00: Uh I have multiple ideas, so it can turn into season five, six, whatever.
• 16:20
  SPEAKER_00: Um, so if you have something you want to talk about, you better throw it at me before it gets down to season 15 or something.
• 16:28
  SPEAKER_00: Um I did go through a a time period um over the summer this year where I was about to give it up.
• 16:38
  SPEAKER_00: Um, because it was a lot of work.
• 16:41
  SPEAKER_00: And and thankfully that's the time where um I was with John, my boyfriend, and he he was really encouraging.
• 16:50
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I spent some time with the Lord and talking to him about just the workload of it.
• 16:56
  SPEAKER_00: And just I this is I mean, I'm I make zero money off of this, negative money.
• 17:03
  SPEAKER_00: Cause I had to pay for all the equipment and everything, and and it takes time, a lot of time.
• 17:09
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and I have to use like programs on the computer and all that.
• 17:14
  SPEAKER_00: Um, so it's it's a lot uh more than I had anticipated.
• 17:18
  SPEAKER_00: And I was just getting to the point of like, this is a lot of pork, and it's not like it's something that like blew up.
• 17:25
  SPEAKER_00: It's not like, oh wow, I have 5,000 followers.
• 17:30
  SPEAKER_00: No, I have like a hundred on Instagram and like 60 on YouTube, uh, and probably about 60 or 70 on Kik Tok.
• 17:41
  SPEAKER_00: It's not, it's not something grandiose.
• 17:43
  SPEAKER_00: It's I mean, those are people.
• 17:45
  SPEAKER_00: I'm love the fact that I get to impact those people that I get to impact.
• 17:49
  SPEAKER_00: But I also was like, is that enough people that the impact is worth it?
• 17:53
  SPEAKER_00: And literally in my brain right now, my brain is saying, Bethany, isn't the one person worth it?
• 17:58
  SPEAKER_00: Wow.
• 17:59
  SPEAKER_00: All right, just convicted myself there.
• 18:01
  SPEAKER_00: But I did go through a time over the summer where I was really thinking about just not doing it anymore.
• 18:07
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but here we are.
• 18:08
  SPEAKER_00: We have season three planned out, so we'll be here at least for a couple more seasons.
• 18:12
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know what the Lord has in store for this, but must be something because I'm not supposed to stop it yet.
• 18:19
  SPEAKER_00: Um, anyway, looking ahead.
• 18:22
  SPEAKER_00: So next season is gonna be on chronic illness.
• 18:28
  SPEAKER_00: Um, the season's gonna be called uh Purpose in the Pain.
• 18:32
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and I'm gonna talk to a whole bunch of my friends that have chronic illness.
• 18:35
  SPEAKER_00: So you'll also notice that each season correlates, so far at least correlates to like a portion of my life.
• 18:40
  SPEAKER_00: So creativity, singleness.
• 18:42
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and now we're gonna talk about chronic illness.
• 18:45
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and for those that don't know, I have POTS, which is postural orthocyc tachycardia syndrome.
• 18:51
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and at the end of this episode, I'll kind of dive into that a little bit just to ease us into season three.
• 18:57
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but uh I am really looking forward to the chronic illness season.
• 19:03
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I chose this topic because I mean it really relates to me, and this has been something that's impacted my life for I don't know, 15 years now.
• 19:12
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and I know there's there's quite a few people out there that it impacts.
• 19:17
  SPEAKER_00: I need people often, often enough to have a whole season on a podcast that I already have lined up.
• 19:24
  SPEAKER_00: Um I I do feel like it's a lot of women.
• 19:29
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and and I kind of want to dive into why that is as we go throughout the season.
• 19:34
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I there are men with chronic illness, to be honest.
• 19:37
  SPEAKER_00: I maybe I know one and I can't think of them, but I couldn't think of any when I was trying to uh come up with people to come on this season with me.
• 19:45
  SPEAKER_00: So it is gonna be a predominantly female hospicity cast, but what is it?
• 19:52
  SPEAKER_00: Panel.
• 19:53
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe that I don't know what's it, but um so it's gonna but it's not gonna just be like about people and their diagnosis and what it's like to like live with their chronic illness, it's gonna be how it shaped like their identity and their relationships and their daily life, as well as how it shaped their faith.
• 20:11
  SPEAKER_00: I think that's what we're really gonna dive into because again, everything's gonna be based on um a lens of faith.
• 20:18
  SPEAKER_00: And then uh for season four, we are gonna kind of segue season three into season four because I think chronic illness uh plays a lot into um mental health.
• 20:31
  SPEAKER_00: So we're gonna go into mental illness, mental health for season four.
• 20:34
  SPEAKER_00: I don't have the title for that one yet, but we are still while away.
• 20:38
  SPEAKER_00: Um so I know, I know in that in that season I'm gonna dive a little deeper into um multiple, multiple uh mental illnesses, but anxiety, depression for the basic ones.
• 20:51
  SPEAKER_00: Um and uh an again another aspect of my life that I can relate to and I'm excited to have.
• 20:58
  SPEAKER_00: I already have people who want to talk to you.
• 20:59
  SPEAKER_00: I haven't asked anyone yet, but I'm hoping to have like a couple like educated like therapists, psychologists on that are strong believers, and then people that struggle with their mental health as well that are strong believers, and some people that have like walked through it and gotten to the other side or are still walking through it.
• 21:18
  SPEAKER_00: And a lot of us it's probably gonna be a walk for the rest of our lives, but that's okay.
• 21:23
  SPEAKER_00: Um, so that's what season four and season five are gonna look like.
• 21:28
  SPEAKER_00: I'm really excited for you guys to um jump along this journey with me as we keep going forward.
• 21:35
  SPEAKER_00: So I want to use the second half of this episode to kind of dive into, like I said, my chronic illness story.
• 21:44
  SPEAKER_00: Um so that you guys can know where I'm coming from as I'm sitting down and talking to uh the guests that we're gonna have on throughout this season.
• 21:54
  SPEAKER_00: So I was diagnosed with.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_00: with um pots uh back in twenty thirteen I think yeah but it has been it was a journey before that and it has been a grand journey after that so um lots of different avenues to take you guys down here real quick is in tenth grade um I it was the fall of tenth grade I got really really really lightheaded in the middle of walking to and from classes um inside and uh like black spots went over my eyes and I like almost fell over and my friend had to like grab me um and I was like I don't really feel good um and I went down to the nurses station was like I don't know I'm just lightheaded I guess I've just like almost passed out and she was like okay well let's send you home I went home um and for a week in October I stayed home because every time I would stand up there would just be like black spots all over my eyes um and like every once in a while it would be like completely black couldn't see had to sit back down um and then it just went away after a week and I was like well that was weird um and then we get to 11th grade so October of 2010 uh the same thing happens I get super dizzy black spots almost pass out in the hallway uh go to the nurse go then it just didn't get better that time it just never went away it wasn't like oh it lasted a week and then huh sounds weird it was like oh I'm dizzy all the time I feel like I'm on a boat like nonstop and I don't really know what to do about boat um so we me and my mom went to a lot of doctors to try to figure out what was wrong at that point I think I mostly actually just had interactions with my primary care doctor and maybe like a cardiologist or rheumatologist and they my primary care doctor was like yeah your blood pressure's low you should drink some powroid and eat some salt so that's what I did and then I still wasn't diagnosed with anything except just low blood pressure so it was like don't stand up a long time drink your powdery so I drank powderate every day I had powdered with me in homeroom at school every day I then lived that kind of lifestyle for what two years uh get to summer of 2020 not 2020 2013 this is after my first year of college me my mom my brother and my best friend were driving up to upstate New York to visit some friends up there I get really really dizzy feel like I'm gonna throw up and I'd say I need to stop I need to go to the bathroom we pull into the sheets we're about an hour north of my house at that time not par we pull into the sheets and uh I go in the bathroom I'm out of the bathroom I go in the bathroom I come out of the bathroom I just feel awful I feel like I'm gonna get sick I'm gonna pass out all at the same time I don't know what to do with this uh because I can't like stand in the bathroom because I'm gonna fall over I don't want to sit in the bathroom of the sheets uh so I sat outside on the curb a lot uh kept my head between my legs um and it was I don't know the time frame that we spent there you'd have to ask my mom maybe because I it felt like eternity um and then we went to a patient first nearby because uh she was like well I don't think that this is gonna go well let's get you to patient first went to patient first she had to carry me in to patient first I couldn't even walk in there um I get in they look me over they say yeah your heart rate's high and your blood pressure's low so it's probably just the same thing it's always been and I go but skills worse I don't know but carry on I suppose my mom's like do you want to still go to upstate New York or do you want to go home?
• 27:12
  SPEAKER_00: And I want to do it with some of my friends.
• 27:14
  SPEAKER_00: So we continue to go up to upstate New York I did lay in the back seat with a blanket because my body was freezing but air blowing straight on my face because my fake face felt like fire.
• 27:24
  SPEAKER_00: Uh we get up to upstate New York that whole weekend is a blur it's a lot of me laying on the couch running back and forth to the bathroom all that I remember uh my mom like making me get up and take like little laps around the driveway outside a couple times and then we get home from upstate New York for the weekend and then is when I go see all the doctors I saw ear doctor blood doctor neurologist which is a brain doctor cardiologist heart doctor um my primary care doctor and no one can seem to really tell me what's wrong um they're all like yeah your blood pressure's low okay but why and I'm it's 2013 I'm like 18 right now uh I got an EKG done they were like yeah your heart rate gets high sometimes but nothing crazy's happening okay then why do I feel like I'm dying um finally after that summer that summer was scary I um started having panic attacks and everything because I just felt so sick and didn't know what was wrong.
• 28:40
  SPEAKER_00: It was the worst in the mornings so I remember multiple times uh getting ready for bed at night and just crying to my mom saying I don't want to go to bed because I don't want to wake up in the morning and feel bad again.
• 28:52
  SPEAKER_00: Um and I feel bad for my mom looking back like that must have been really hard to have your child telling you like I can't do this anymore and you can't really help them because the doctors aren't helping them.
• 29:04
  SPEAKER_00: Um so that summer I had to take off work I had already started working at AAA at that point but I took off work for a couple months couldn't drive could barely walk didn't really walk up and down the stairs much at all my mom wouldn't go out with me and literally wobber on the driveway to like get fresh air and then come back in and lay by cow.
• 29:26
  SPEAKER_00: I spent that summer basically on the couch.
• 29:28
  SPEAKER_00: Finally I go to my primary care doctor for like a follow-up on all of this information.
• 29:37
  SPEAKER_00: She is out for the day so I have to see a different primary care at that same office.
• 29:43
  SPEAKER_00: That lady that lady knew what she was talking about.
• 29:47
  SPEAKER_00: She said oh you have POTS I think and I did have no idea what that was um so she did a standing sitting test that you have to do when you get diagnosed with POTS.
• 29:58
  SPEAKER_00: Basically POTS is the basis of it is uh when you go from sitting to standing your heart rate increases a lot.
• 30:07
  SPEAKER_00: I think the technical way you have to your body has to respond to get a diagnosis is you have to stand up, your heartbeat increases at least 30 beats per minute within the first three minutes of you standing up.
• 30:18
  SPEAKER_00: Uh for a lot of people it it's very different for very different people but that is the one thing that that's how you get diagnosed.
• 30:25
  SPEAKER_00: A lot of people with that will have low blood pressure which I feel like the low blood pressure is why my heart is racing because it's trying to keep up with the blood and the pressure uh but so she did a test said yeah you have POTS go to this cardiologist they'll give you medicine um I went to that cardiologist they gave me a steroid that I was on for a decade um and on that steroid it was better like life wasn't great but it was a lot better than it was that summer uh I came off of the steroid around 2020 um it was a lot to come off of it uh I didn't officially get off of it until probably 2021 sometime um because I tried to wean off it didn't work tried to wean off again um it was a long process and my symptoms since then have been manageable because I know the lifestyle adjustments I need to make but the quality of life is not amazing.
• 31:34
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not gonna sit here and say it's the most horrible thing in the world.
• 31:38
  SPEAKER_00: I mean there's people that are getting chemo and this is not like me getting chemo but it's not great quality of life and unfortunately there's not like a cure all medicine it's just this is a chronic illness this is what you have uh when I was diagnosed though because I was under around 18 uh they told me oh you should grow out of it mind you POTS was very new back then which is why none of doctors even knew what was wrong because a lot of doctors didn't even know what it was so the doctors that did know what it was I don't know had seen cases I guess where people had grown out of it or they just assumed hey it's like a growth spurt with your body and your heart and blood have to catch up uh here we are 31 have not grown out of it so I don't think that that's gonna be happening uh if I wake up one morning and don't have it anymore it will be by God's grace not because I grew out of it because it's been over a decade and I'm very much grown now.
• 32:50
  SPEAKER_00: So um to give you guys a I guess a little bit more of what POTS is uh besides the fact of the heart rate and the blood pressure some of the symptoms are like temperature it so it's a nervous system disorder that means that basically anything in your body that works from your nervous system doesn't work great so that's why my heart and my blood pressure don't work great because they're your nervous system that also means my bladder doesn't work the best my stomach doesn't work the best thankfully my lungs are okay but there'll be times where it's like my oxygen levels aren't as amazing as they should be um headaches happen a lot so headaches nausea digestive issues um temperature regulation so I get cold really easily hot really easily um blood pooling so if I am standing up for too long my hands will turn purple and my feet will turn purple because all the blood will go to them and won't be able to get back up to my brain hence why I get dizzy uh yeah I mean my eyes get dry there's so many things and um life pots it also because there's so many different like symptoms and people experience it differently it's also connected to a lot of other chronic illnesses and to be honest I looked into possibly having another diagnosis but I don't want to go down that road again.
• 34:32
  SPEAKER_00: Uh so at the moment I'm diagnosed with the Splots but um I am really looking forward to this season and and uh being able to dive into chronic illness and what it's been like for other people to experience um to kind of like wrap up my side of the story uh with the faith aspect of it for you guys is I don't know where I'd be today honestly without pots so you have to thank on for it a little bit because between the pots and the panic jacks the king with the pots because you know your Vegas nerve is part of your nervous system.
• 35:13
  SPEAKER_00: Uh I mean on the Lord so much.
• 35:20
  SPEAKER_00: It was a lot of just nonstop conversation uh and mind you I'm still dealing with it but I think that I'm I think I would want to deal with it still because it led me so close to the Lord.
• 35:39
  SPEAKER_00: I I I think Pots is probably a big part of my testimony of how I like I've grown up in the church but Potts really said you're gonna be in the Lord's presence all the time because it was a constant Lord Jesus I don't know what to do you're gonna have to take care of this I don't feel good help me feel better um just a lot of conversation with the Lord um and leaning on him for I could not have found peace joy the strength to go on without Jesus through all of that so yeah guys that's what that's what my chronic illness looks like I I've wrestled a lot with God and asked why me but I think A it brought me closer to him and B I can do things like this and have conversations with other people that are having a hard time with it.
• 36:42
  SPEAKER_00: Um so yeah thanks for listening to my story I'm super excited to have you guys jump in with me um in season three so that's my story my chronic illness story but that's certainly not the only story so we're about to hear a bunch more stories coming your way I want to hear other people's experiences because there's so many chronic illnesses so we're gonna go through different people that have different ones um a couple people that I'm having on do also have pots uh or pots and other things and we're just gonna kind of see how different people experience and how chronic illness brings people closer to the Lord thank you guys so much for being here not just for this episode but for this year with me.
• 37:35
  SPEAKER_00: This year has been crazy but I am really excited for what the next year with these next two seasons is gonna look like and I hope we bring even more friends with us along the way.
• 37:49
  SPEAKER_00: See you guys soon