Latest / Limitless Living with Fredricka Davis / 028: Why You Keep Stopping Right Before the Breakthrough

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028: Why You Keep Stopping Right Before the Breakthrough · Limitless Living with Fredricka Davis

• 0:32
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome back to the Limitless Living Podcast.
• 0:36
  SPEAKER_00: I'm your host, Frederica Davis, wellness expert, entrepreneur, and creator of the Limitless Reset Method.
• 0:44
  SPEAKER_00: And today is Sustainable Success Tuesday.
• 0:47
  SPEAKER_00: This is where we get to talk about building success, leadership, and life in a way that actually supports you, instead of keeping you stuck in the same patterns over and over again.
• 1:01
  SPEAKER_00: So I want to know if you have ever felt like you get really close to something working, something panning out the success you were looking for, the goal you were working towards.
• 1:17
  SPEAKER_00: You get really, really close and you start to gain this momentum.
• 1:21
  SPEAKER_00: And then somehow you slow down, pull back, or stop altogether.
• 1:28
  SPEAKER_00: If you have felt like that, then this episode is for you.
• 1:34
  SPEAKER_00: Because what I want to talk about today is something that, you know, I see all the time with women, especially.
• 1:44
  SPEAKER_00: And we don't stop because it's not working.
• 1:50
  SPEAKER_00: We, you know, we're pursuing a goal, we're working hard towards something, maybe we're starting to build a little bit of momentum and things are working.
• 1:59
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes we're stopping short of that because it is working.
• 2:05
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm going to explain this.
• 2:07
  SPEAKER_00: So, what I want to talk about is the patterns that I see because most women don't see it for a long time and they just keep repeating and repeating and repeating.
• 2:18
  SPEAKER_00: These are things I've done myself.
• 2:20
  SPEAKER_00: And it's not going to be loud and clear.
• 2:22
  SPEAKER_00: You're not going to say, wait, this is working really well.
• 2:25
  SPEAKER_00: I'm almost to what I wanted to acquire.
• 2:28
  SPEAKER_00: I'm almost to that promotion.
• 2:29
  SPEAKER_00: I'm almost to the success of my business.
• 2:31
  SPEAKER_00: I'm almost to whatever it is you're looking for and working toward.
• 2:35
  SPEAKER_00: And then you're going to say, oh, wait, nope, I'm going to stop.
• 2:38
  SPEAKER_00: It doesn't work like that.
• 2:39
  SPEAKER_00: It's really a little bit more quiet, a little bit more insidious in the back and subconscious.
• 2:46
  SPEAKER_00: Things might be working.
• 2:48
  SPEAKER_00: You might be building momentum, but it's uncomfortable.
• 2:52
  SPEAKER_00: So then you kind of veer off track a little bit.
• 2:56
  SPEAKER_00: And then you think to yourself, I need to be more consistent.
• 3:00
  SPEAKER_00: I just need more discipline.
• 3:01
  SPEAKER_00: I just need to push through and then I'll get there.
• 3:05
  SPEAKER_00: But what actually is happening is a whole lot more subtle.
• 3:10
  SPEAKER_00: It's that things are starting to shift.
• 3:14
  SPEAKER_00: You start to see the progress.
• 3:16
  SPEAKER_00: And then something in you gets uncomfortable.
• 3:18
  SPEAKER_00: It's as simple as that.
• 3:20
  SPEAKER_00: Not because you're failing, not because it's not gonna work, but more because you're moving into something new.
• 3:29
  SPEAKER_00: And I've seen this in so many other people, so many clients, and with myself more times than I would honestly like to count, where you finally get the clarity and you start taking action.
• 3:45
  SPEAKER_00: And then things begin to move, and you feel like you're moving towards what it is that you want.
• 3:51
  SPEAKER_00: And then suddenly you find yourself overthinking or second-guessing, going back into the research phase, or shifting focus, getting another distraction.
• 4:08
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, maybe I should do it this way, or maybe I should take that course first.
• 4:12
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe I'm not ready.
• 4:13
  SPEAKER_00: I need this course.
• 4:13
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, no, no, wait.
• 4:14
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe I can do that, or maybe I need to redesign my logo, or you get distracted and you shift your focus.
• 4:21
  SPEAKER_00: You get busy with other things.
• 4:25
  SPEAKER_00: And then it still looks like you're working.
• 4:27
  SPEAKER_00: It still feels like you're working really hard.
• 4:29
  SPEAKER_00: In fact, sometimes you're working harder than you never than you ever have.
• 4:33
  SPEAKER_00: But in actuality, you're pulling yourself out of the momentum that you already created.
• 4:42
  SPEAKER_00: So this is something, again, I've experienced this and and I see it constantly with women I work with, whether it's in their business, their health, their relationships, it doesn't really matter.
• 4:58
  SPEAKER_00: They get right to the edge of something changing.
• 5:02
  SPEAKER_00: And then all of a sudden they stop.
• 5:03
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you lose, you know, you wanted to lose 35 pounds and you lose 25 pounds, and all of a sudden you kind of stop.
• 5:14
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe it is uh you're almost to that launching that business.
• 5:21
  SPEAKER_00: Or for me, it was almost to launching the podcast.
• 5:23
  SPEAKER_00: And I just kept getting sidetracked.
• 5:25
  SPEAKER_00: I've talked about that before.
• 5:27
  SPEAKER_00: And I kept researching and I kept circling back and circling back and circling back.
• 5:31
  SPEAKER_00: And really it was just because I was uncomfortable.
• 5:33
  SPEAKER_00: That's all it was about.
• 5:35
  SPEAKER_00: So you get right to the edge of something changing that you want to change, and then you stop.
• 5:42
  SPEAKER_00: And it's not always conscious.
• 5:46
  SPEAKER_00: And it's not because you can't do it or you can't get there.
• 5:52
  SPEAKER_00: It's because something in you isn't comfortable holding the next level yet.
• 6:01
  SPEAKER_00: It is a pattern, and you can break the pattern so you stop repeating it.
• 6:06
  SPEAKER_00: So, number one, the almost pattern.
• 6:09
  SPEAKER_00: This is the first thing you need to recognize.
• 6:12
  SPEAKER_00: There is a pattern of getting close to something and then pulling back.
• 6:18
  SPEAKER_00: If you've ever experienced this, it's very real.
• 6:22
  SPEAKER_00: Many, many people do.
• 6:24
  SPEAKER_00: Things start working, and instead of you leaning into it, you start to hesitate, or you slow down, or you get distracted, or you start questioning everything and doubting yourself or doubting the process.
• 6:41
  SPEAKER_00: You look for something else to fix along the way that really might not have anything to do with getting you to your goal.
• 6:50
  SPEAKER_00: This is not random, it's actually quite predictable, which leads me to number two, because success feels unfamiliar.
• 7:01
  SPEAKER_00: And that feels unsafe.
• 7:04
  SPEAKER_00: This is where most people misunderstand themselves.
• 7:08
  SPEAKER_00: You think you're trying to succeed, and you are.
• 7:12
  SPEAKER_00: And I don't care if this is success in your health and wellness efforts, success in a business, success in a career, success in a relationship, and so on.
• 7:20
  SPEAKER_00: But you think you're trying to succeed, and you likely are, but your brain and your nervous system are wired for familiarity.
• 7:30
  SPEAKER_00: They like what is familiar, not expansion, because expansion feels unsafe.
• 7:40
  SPEAKER_00: It feels unknown.
• 7:42
  SPEAKER_00: So if you have spent years playing small or overworking to prove yourself, boy, that's something I know a little bit about.
• 7:52
  SPEAKER_00: I've definitely mastered the art of working hard.
• 7:57
  SPEAKER_00: And there's nothing wrong with that.
• 7:59
  SPEAKER_00: But when it becomes a pattern and there's an underlying need for you to do that because it's part of your identity and how you prove yourself, that's where the disconnect is.
• 8:11
  SPEAKER_00: So struggling to get results, if you've spent years struggling to get the results you're looking for, or feeling inconsistent, these all become your norm because they're patterns and they keep getting repeated.
• 8:28
  SPEAKER_00: So when something starts to shift towards a new level of success, it does not feel exciting to your brain or your nervous system at first.
• 8:45
  SPEAKER_00: Not when it starts to shift.
• 8:46
  SPEAKER_00: The idea of it might be exciting when you start, but once it starts to shift, that feeling can shift to unfamiliar more than exciting.
• 9:00
  SPEAKER_00: And unfamiliar feels unsafe.
• 9:03
  SPEAKER_00: So then the third thing that happens is that when your brain, your nervous system, they start to feel unsafe, they start to create distance within you without you even realizing it.
• 9:19
  SPEAKER_00: And this is where the self-sabotage starts to show up.
• 9:22
  SPEAKER_00: But it doesn't look dramatic, it looks more like procrastinating just a little, or overthinking decisions.
• 9:31
  SPEAKER_00: This, whether this is your logo or your um next program that you want to launch, or your next chapter in your life and what it is that you want and think you're capable of, whatever it is, you start overthinking.
• 9:51
  SPEAKER_00: Tweaking things that don't matter.
• 9:55
  SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna go right back to that logo.
• 9:57
  SPEAKER_00: Tweaking something like that, tweaking business cards, tweaking inconsequential things that could be done and done good enough so that you could move on to the other things that would actually move the needle towards what it is you're trying to accomplish.
• 10:18
  SPEAKER_00: So this is your subconscious and your brain nervous system creating distance so that it's closer to feeling familiar than what is feeling unfamiliar.
• 10:33
  SPEAKER_00: And if you're not paying attention, you'll start to think things like, I'm just, I just need a better plan.
• 10:41
  SPEAKER_00: I just need to do something different, or wait, this isn't working.
• 10:44
  SPEAKER_00: And here's the truth: the problem is more likely that you stepped out of the momentum that you had in the beginning.
• 10:56
  SPEAKER_00: And you just get caught up in the minutiae.
• 11:00
  SPEAKER_00: So you don't yet have the capacity to hold the next level in yourself.
• 11:09
  SPEAKER_00: Just not yet.
• 11:10
  SPEAKER_00: Remember, yet is the key word here.
• 11:13
  SPEAKER_00: So this is the deeper layer of this.
• 11:16
  SPEAKER_00: It's not just about what you're doing, it's about what you are able to hold within yourself.
• 11:23
  SPEAKER_00: And that's your capacity.
• 11:26
  SPEAKER_00: Because what you can hold means how much more visibility, how much more responsibility, how much more income do you have the capacity to hold?
• 11:39
  SPEAKER_00: It's one thing to say, oh, I could hold it all.
• 11:42
  SPEAKER_00: Bring me the bags of money, or I can handle anything.
• 11:46
  SPEAKER_00: I'm tough stuff.
• 11:47
  SPEAKER_00: Whatever you want to throw at me, throw at me.
• 11:50
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, you know, it's easy to tell yourself things like this.
• 11:56
  SPEAKER_00: But if you don't internally fully believe it, you haven't stepped into it and are internally unable to hold that, that means your capacity is not there yet.
• 12:09
  SPEAKER_00: So all of that requires emotional capacity, mental capacity, and nervous system capacity.
• 12:19
  SPEAKER_00: If you haven't built these things yet, your system will pull you back to what feels manageable, what feels safe, not what feel not what's actually possible.
• 12:33
  SPEAKER_00: And these are the patterns.
• 12:36
  SPEAKER_00: So you don't stop because it's not working, you stop because something in you isn't comfortable with it working just yet.
• 12:48
  SPEAKER_00: Now, this is not something to judge for yourself, this is really something to understand because once you start understanding it, you can start moving into this place of greater capacity differently.
• 13:08
  SPEAKER_00: And sometimes we need help to do this.
• 13:10
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes you need to get some coaching for this.
• 13:13
  SPEAKER_00: But this is a huge piece that holds people back.
• 13:19
  SPEAKER_00: I see it over and over with women.
• 13:20
  SPEAKER_00: It holds them back, is because they just haven't gotten there with this space, this capacity to hold what they need to at this next level.
• 13:30
  SPEAKER_00: And something just keeps keeps you in this loop, perpetuating everything we just went over.
• 13:38
  SPEAKER_00: So there's three things you can start doing right away.
• 13:42
  SPEAKER_00: Number one, recognize your pullback pattern.
• 13:46
  SPEAKER_00: Think about the last time something started working.
• 13:51
  SPEAKER_00: Where was it that you pulled back?
• 13:54
  SPEAKER_00: And what did you go to instead?
• 13:58
  SPEAKER_00: What were you doing instead of just staying on your path and staying in the momentum?
• 14:04
  SPEAKER_00: Because that's your pattern.
• 14:06
  SPEAKER_00: Did you go to watching TV?
• 14:08
  SPEAKER_00: Did you go to eating more, stress eating?
• 14:12
  SPEAKER_00: Did you turn towards drama with friends?
• 14:17
  SPEAKER_00: Did you uh turn towards redesigning your, you know, business uh website, logo, uh whatever?
• 14:31
  SPEAKER_00: What what was the what are the things that you typically do instead when you see yourself pulling back?
• 14:41
  SPEAKER_00: Because these patterns matter.
• 14:42
  SPEAKER_00: You need to see them before you can actually change them.
• 14:45
  SPEAKER_00: So if you can't see them now, start really paying attention.
• 14:50
  SPEAKER_00: And then number two, stay with what's working longer than it feels comfortable.
• 14:56
  SPEAKER_00: This one's really simple, not always easy, but really simple.
• 15:01
  SPEAKER_00: So when something is working, your instinct might be to change it or question it or improve it instead of staying with it, letting it build, letting it compound.
• 15:20
  SPEAKER_00: And number three, build your capacity.
• 15:22
  SPEAKER_00: Not just your strategy for everything, but you can actually build your capacity.
• 15:28
  SPEAKER_00: You don't just need better plans for everything, you need to become the person who can hold more.
• 15:38
  SPEAKER_00: That means sitting with discomfort instead of escaping it.
• 15:44
  SPEAKER_00: That means allowing your success to feel unfamiliar without backing off.
• 15:54
  SPEAKER_00: And it means staying consistent even when it feels different.
• 16:00
  SPEAKER_00: This is exactly the kind of work that we do inside the limitless reset method.
• 16:07
  SPEAKER_00: And here's what I want you to sit with this week.
• 16:10
  SPEAKER_00: This is your re-reflection question this week.
• 16:14
  SPEAKER_00: Ask yourself, where in my life am I getting close to a breakthrough?
• 16:20
  SPEAKER_00: And then I'm pulling myself back.
• 16:22
  SPEAKER_00: I am sabotaging myself and pulling myself back.
• 16:28
  SPEAKER_00: If this resonated with you today, I invite you to come join us inside the Limitless Living Community, where we continue these conversations and find ways to apply them in real life and connect.
• 16:41
  SPEAKER_00: And if you are ready to take this work further, you can absolutely visit my website, fredericadavas.com.
• 16:48
  SPEAKER_00: That's f-r-ed-d-r-i-cadas.com.
• 16:53
  SPEAKER_00: To learn more and download your free reset guide.
• 16:57
  SPEAKER_00: And if this episode spoke to you, share it with someone who needs to hear it.
• 17:01
  SPEAKER_00: If you haven't already, please also leave a review.
• 17:05
  SPEAKER_00: That helps other women find the message.
• 17:07
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm going to close with this.
• 17:09
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes the reason you're not where you want to be isn't because you're not capable.
• 17:16
  SPEAKER_00: It's not because you need to learn another skill.
• 17:19
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes it's not because you don't have what it takes or you don't have enough time or any of those other things that you might be saying, telling yourself.
• 17:29
  SPEAKER_00: It's because you're stepping out right before things start to change.
• 17:36
  SPEAKER_00: You are veering off course, you are distracting yourself, you're doing something else right before the change was about to happen.
• 17:45
  SPEAKER_00: And once you can see that point, you can choose to stay in it just a little bit longer.
• 17:53
  SPEAKER_00: That's where everything starts to shift.
• 17:55
  SPEAKER_00: I'll see you in the next episode.