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Why Reducing Unhappiness Isn't the Same as Being Happy · Behind The Village Podcast

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  You're listening to the Behind the Village podcast,
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  where we invite you to join us on a journey to
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  understand how to live a life worth living. Now
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  that we've concluded the topic of work -life
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  balance, one of the themes we picked up on while
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  we've been chatting with our guests was the idea
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  of happiness versus unhappiness. But we felt
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  one aspect of that deserved a bit more conversation.
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  I think that is one of the main things that nobody
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  has really touched on so far in our conversations
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  with other people. But it's that idea of, are
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  you pursuing happiness or are you just trying
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  to decrease how much unhappiness there is in
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  your life? And those are two very different things.
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  And a lot of people kind of mix them together
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  as one in the same. And I think we used to do
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  it up until a few years ago or something where
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  we actually kind of discovered that scenario
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  where reducing unhappiness is actually you would
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  do different things to reduce unhappiness. And
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  you would do different things to increase your
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  happiness. So things like reducing unhappiness
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  come from, you know, not wanting to do something,
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  not wanting to go to an event because you may
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  not know everybody. or you don't want to, whatever
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  it is, you don't want to do these things. You're
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  trying to reduce the level of unhappiness that
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  you have by taking things off your plate or removing
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  them. It's almost like an avoidance, exactly.
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  Yeah, it's a fear -based decision, I feel like.
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  Kind of. I think you're probably right in that
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  it does come from a fear of not wanting to feel
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  discomfort, because I think a lot of people don't
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  do well with the feelings of discomfort, with
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  uncertainty. It's a very real and raw emotion
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  that people aren't used to feeling, because so
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  much of our world is kind of distracted with...
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  technology, social media, the internet, whatever.
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  So much of our world is about distracting from
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  actually thinking and feeling and understanding
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  where you are and what are you doing in this
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  world, right? And that naturally leads to wanting
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  to avoid unhappiness. And when you have happiness
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  in your life, avoiding unhappiness feels very
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  similar to increasing your happiness because
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  all of a sudden, look at how many things I'm
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  doing. that make me happy as an example and look
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  at all the things that I removed or let go or
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  changed because they weren't serving me. And
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  there's nothing wrong with that, right? There's
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  nothing wrong with removing unhappiness or reducing
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  unhappiness. I think where a lot of the problem
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  comes out is when people forget that they need
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  to actually actively work on increasing their
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  happiness. What is it that makes you happy? Go
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  and pursue that I think that's one of the things
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  that At least I have sort of forgotten or I've
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  never kind of realized we've always kind of tried
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  to reduce unhappiness as much as possible try
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  to come up with different ways or manners of
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  Solving the problem from a reductionist standpoint
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  as opposed to from a growth standpoint And those
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  are two very different things. So if I wanted
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  to increase my happiness Well, then I need to
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  do more things that make me happy. If all I've
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  done, all I've ever done is reduce on happiness,
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  I keep essentially just taking things away and
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  isolating myself either from other people or
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  from opportunities or for things that I could
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  have done for the sake of I don't want to feel
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  that way. And When you have reduced all the unhappiness
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  that you can at a certain point you won't be
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  able to reduce anymore and That's when you kind
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  of feel like okay. Well, then what's left and
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  what's left isn't really Much at all. It's kind
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  of neutral if you were to think about it that
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  way, right as opposed to Actively introducing
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  happiness in your life. You're actively trying
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  to pursue either friends or going out to whatever
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  makes you happy, going hiking if you like nature,
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  any of these things, right, that kind of aid
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  in you feeling satisfaction and you feeling joy
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  in your life. And those activities are completely
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  different from each other. This concept of increasing
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  happiness and not just decreasing unhappiness
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  is exactly what led us to our next overarching
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  topic of hobbies and passions. That's why we're
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  calling it hobbies and passions because a hobby
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  really only happens when you really care about
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  something, when you care deeply about something,
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  right? Whether you want to create something or
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  you're doing something for fun, whatever that
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  is. And when you have that level of care, you
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  tend to put naturally more effort or more of
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  yourself in there. And that provides its own
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  level of satisfaction, right? So being able to
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  understand the idea of hobbies in a deeper level,
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  not just as a something that you can let go of
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  or put on whatever you want, but something that
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  actually matters and something that should be
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  part of everybody's toolkit in life, if you will.
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  No matter what it is. No matter what it is, it's
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  important because it's going to give you something
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  that you're not getting somewhere else. Right.
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  Yeah. And that's what I love is just, just for
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  me, I love when people love stuff and I could
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  care less what the thing is. I don't, you know,
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  shun or poo poo other people's hobbies or their
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  passions or the things that they care so deeply
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  about, even if it's not my thing. I love the
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  way people light up when they talk about those
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  things. And I think it's the cutest thing to
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  watch somebody talk about their favorite thing
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  and the thing that they're into and the thing
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  that they love and they spend time on and, you
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  know, it's part of them. That's my favorite.
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  So that's why this is an exciting topic for me.
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  Yeah, and, you know, it comes hand in hand because
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  I feel that same way when it comes to work as
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  well, right? But the idea, the people that actually
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  enter into a field or enter into something that
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  really enjoy what they're doing, that really
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  have, they have that passion, it makes the hardships
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  and it makes everything that you have to go through
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  feel more worth it. And for me on the other side,
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  when it comes to the life part, it's also true.
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  when you have that passion or that level of care,
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  it makes going through it worth it. You want
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  to be part of it. You want to, you know, be part
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  of that community or that group that likes the
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  same things as you. That's essentially all we
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  are as people is people looking for these pieces
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  of community to fit into based on what we enjoy
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  doing. Like we love board games. We love I know
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  you read a lot. I used to read a lot. I did one
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  time. I read a book. I am a reader. I used to
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  until I ran out of time. But yes, we love listening
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  to music and have records around, collecting
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  records. And we love watching Formula One, which
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  is just another thing. We've talked about this
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  multiple times, but how we don't know that many
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  people that actually enjoy Formula One, right,
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  around here. So now, as we start kind of meeting
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  people and we find that this, like, subsect of
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  people that also watch the same thing we do,
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  we get all excited and we're like, oh my God,
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  we have somebody to talk about this with. I know.
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  I think that's the fun part of hobbies, right,
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  and the great part about The idea of being able
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  to have something outside of work that you can
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  equally love that you can equally enjoy That
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  is going to complement or match You know how
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  much effort you put in in the work part, right?
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  But is able to kind of offset and complement
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  everything that you're doing in life. Yeah I
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  also want to flag that you know, it's not always
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  Even though things are passions and hobbies,
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  it's not always sunshine and rainbows. It's a
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  lot of time and effort and energy, sometimes
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  frustration put into the process of whatever
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  these hobbies are. So that's also an interesting
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  lens. It does give us things, positive things
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  of fulfillment, but sometimes working through
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  it is not always positive. No, but it's the same
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  as we might have mentioned it before, but we
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  have the same mentality where nothing worth doing
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  comes easy, right? And hobbies and anything that
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  you're passionate about should be hard by default
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  because you want to reach a certain level or
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  you want to be a certain way with these things
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  that you love and care for. And they are going
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  to be hard. It comes with that naturally, but
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  wanting to go through them, I think is what separates
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  everyone, makes it interesting and why we are
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  looking forward to listening to all the people
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  that we have lined up for this next theme, if
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  you will, because these are all people that have
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  these either hobbies or passions that they are
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  consistently kind of doing. And deeply connected.
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  Deeply connected to it regardless of the hardships
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  or regardless of how inconvenient it may seem
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  at times, right? But you're doing it because
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  you love it, because you want to be a part of
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  it. And I think that's really interesting. Like
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  you said, it's really a very unique feeling to
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  hear when someone is really excited about what
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  they love, right? And speaking about it and they
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  light up and they can't stop talking about it.
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  And it's like, you know, that energy that they
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  bring, that's a wonderful feeling, right? That's
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  a great feeling to have and to share and to be
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  a part of. And it's also worth mentioning as
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  well that these hobbies and these passions have
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  also in some cases brought people through great
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  challenge in their life, through some of the
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  hardest times that people will ever go through,
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  that some of the people we will be speaking to
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  had these passions and these hobbies that helped
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  lift them out of very difficult times. So hobbies
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  and passions are not to be dismissed as, you
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  know, things that are nice to have, you know,
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  they're very important, I think, in shaping who
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  we are. Yeah. And also, like I said before, just
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  finding the people that will be there, you know,
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  that you find friends through it. You find people
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  that will care for you. You find people that
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  you hang out with. You find this community that
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  can help you through good times, bad times. It
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  doesn't matter, right? But it... It's part of
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  finding belonging. So yeah, so really looking
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  forward to the next theme and we're going to
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  be starting to explore just different hobbies
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  and passions with different people. And I'm excited
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  to listen to everything they have to say. Me
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  too. Thank you for listening to the entire episode.
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  All the links and info you heard in this conversation
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  will be featured in the show notes on our website.
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  If you'd like to know more about anything we
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  mentioned in this episode, make sure to check
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  villagermagazine .ca slash podcast. If you enjoyed
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  this episode, please leave us a review on Apple
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  Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you're listening
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  from. If you'd like to help this podcast grow,
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  consider subscribing to our podcast channels
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  like YouTube or Spotify so you never miss an
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  episode. Thanks again, and I'll see you next
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  time.