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Like Oprah Says, My Life Began At 44. · JLJ This Morning

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  Speaker 1: M hm. So I am highly aware of what I
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  Speaker 1: put out in the world in terms of content, multi
• 0:18
  Speaker 1: very self aware on what I decide to say, what
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  Speaker 1: I decide to produce, bring up I side to share
• 0:31
  Speaker 1: all of that being having a platform. My my mustache
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  Speaker 1: is coming in. That's what they're coming in. I gotta
• 0:42
  Speaker 1: shave it over here a little bit. Okay, it's I'm
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  Speaker 1: highly aware of what that what it means when I
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  Speaker 1: say certain things, and how I say it, and the
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  Speaker 1: whole thing. And this is one of the things I
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  Speaker 1: was like checking about a little bit because I put
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  Speaker 1: stuff out and I want you guys to comment. I
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  Speaker 1: want people to, you know, talk with their thinking and feeling.
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  Speaker 1: That's kind of part of these type of feels I
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  Speaker 1: put out. I do read some of the comments because
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  Speaker 1: that's kind of I'll always comment back, and there's reasons
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  Speaker 1: why I don't. I'll tell you the second. But I
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  Speaker 1: want you to kind of talk with me. So I
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  Speaker 1: can't go live these days. I'm still everything is first
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  Speaker 1: thing in the morning. It's just easier because first and
• 1:32
  Speaker 1: now it's we're the triple digits here in La. It's hot,
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  Speaker 1: so any outings it's just better to do when it's cooler. Secondly,
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  Speaker 1: less people are out to try to do it later
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  Speaker 1: in La traffic, my mom, a lot of older people.
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  Speaker 1: It's just easier to do it first thing in the morning,
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  Speaker 1: they're up. It's just better. And a lot of times
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  Speaker 1: there's more appointments available earlier than later in a day.
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  Speaker 1: Later day, it's just so much harder. So I've been
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  Speaker 1: having a lot of stuff for me and my mom
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  Speaker 1: my brother. So I apoloize. I miss you, guys. I
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  Speaker 1: miss my morning shows. I keep saying it. Never it
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  Speaker 1: can happen again. At some point I look at my schedule.
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  Speaker 1: I'm like, not tomorrow, not tomorrow, not tomorrow. So maybe
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  Speaker 1: when the winter time comes to fall it's not so hot,
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  Speaker 1: I can start doing some morning shows that I'll book
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  Speaker 1: out books some things later it's I can sit and
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  Speaker 1: talk to you guys. But anyway, but I've been enjoying
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  Speaker 1: doing these videos, and you've been watching. You guys have
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  Speaker 1: been watching them and talking. And that's why one of
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  Speaker 1: the things I amos can stop it. I don't want to,
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  Speaker 1: I you know, I try to these these videos. I
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  Speaker 1: get a chance to really get my feelings out there,
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  Speaker 1: share things that i've learned share what's going on, because
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  Speaker 1: how you guys always ask going on, share honestly how
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  Speaker 1: I feel about what's going on. And I'm just and
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  Speaker 1: I've been recently going through some really tough times and
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  Speaker 1: it feels like I'm stuck in a spiral.
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  Speaker 2: Hey, hey, And I think people, if you live.
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  Speaker 1: Long enough, you know that there are times and people
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  Speaker 1: have little sit calm seasons where you are stuck in
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  Speaker 1: a spiral and it's just it's just not good for
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  Speaker 1: a long time. Like in general, IM not good for
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  Speaker 1: a long time. There are moments of joy or happiness
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  Speaker 1: with laughter, things like that here and there, but there's
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  Speaker 1: just times where just everything is not going right. It
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  Speaker 1: can last for months, it can last for years. But
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  Speaker 1: I want you guys to know that even though I'm
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  Speaker 1: going through a lot of tough times, I do have
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  Speaker 1: some a few cute things happening here and there, and
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  Speaker 1: I'm I'm always working on it. And if you follow
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  Speaker 1: in media, I try to share my garden, which is
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  Speaker 1: one of my sanctuaries. The few friends I have I
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  Speaker 1: hang out with as much, I show you those moments
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  Speaker 1: my work I love doing. That's that's where my love
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  Speaker 1: is in right now, I'm in love with my work.
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  Speaker 1: So if you watch my interviews, I love doing them.
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  Speaker 1: If you watch my soap shows, I love doing them.
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  Speaker 1: You know, that's where I guess I can sound the happiest. Yeah,
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  Speaker 1: So think of my work as that is that that's
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  Speaker 1: where I'm pouring my positive time in the work is
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  Speaker 1: one of the few things I feel like I can control.
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  Speaker 1: When I go to an organizing job or a coaching
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  Speaker 1: job on Zoom or doing the show, I can that's all.
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  Speaker 1: I can handle all that and those are my happy places.
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  Speaker 1: And so when I don't get a chance to do them,
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  Speaker 1: which happens sometimes, that makes me even sadder. But I
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  Speaker 1: also want to address some of you out there say the
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  Speaker 1: darnedest things to me, and it's just one of people
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  Speaker 1: who say they're fans of me. So I read some
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  Speaker 1: of the comments are always hilarious and they're fine. Some
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  Speaker 1: of the comments are really sweet and just like I'm here,
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  Speaker 1: We're here for you. And then some of the comments
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  Speaker 1: are just like, that's kind of rude. But I realized,
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  Speaker 1: and I don't I don't get super upset. I just
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  Speaker 1: realized that there are all kinds of people out there
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  Speaker 1: who follow me. It's like always like just like a
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  Speaker 1: people in life. Some folks have tacked, some don't. Some
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  Speaker 1: don't even think that saying anything wrong. They just they
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  Speaker 1: just say what's on their mind and and they just
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  Speaker 1: just and they feel that they need to tell me.
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  Speaker 1: And so if I don't answer a lot of this.
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  Speaker 1: So if sometimes you put your post comments not just
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  Speaker 1: on my videos, but on my Facebook page whatever, I
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  Speaker 1: may have seen it. I don't always see every comment,
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  Speaker 1: but I may have seen it. I was just like,
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  Speaker 1: I have nothing to say to that, so I'm gonna comment.
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  Speaker 1: Or I thought it was rude, We're just not honest.
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  Speaker 2: I'm very I'm very much.
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  Speaker 1: I will clap back sometimes when I feel like it,
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  Speaker 1: if I think you say something that to me is
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  Speaker 1: out of pocket. Other times I'm like, hey, whatever depends
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  Speaker 1: the mood i'm in. But but yeah, so I'll say,
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  Speaker 1: look at if you see me do it, if you
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  Speaker 1: see you produce content or hearing pucing content. No, I
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  Speaker 1: enjoyed myself while doing that. I don't do anything I
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  Speaker 1: don't enjoy when it comes to my work. And but
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  Speaker 1: and again I had an little side note. I don't
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  Speaker 1: want to do everything I do A lot of stuff
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  Speaker 1: and I got and you know, it's funny. I got
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  Speaker 1: a really great note from somebody that I did not expect.
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  Speaker 1: And I know this person in real life, but we
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  Speaker 1: don't talk all the time. I haven't seen them in
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  Speaker 1: years in person or whatever. They just noticed my stuff
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  Speaker 1: when they reached out to me and tell me how
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  Speaker 1: much they enjoy the diversity of my work when they
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  Speaker 1: see it, and how proudly are of me. And I
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  Speaker 1: just thought, and that made my week. And I was like,
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  Speaker 1: I don't even know who I know who you are,
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  Speaker 1: but we don't even talk. You know, you're paying attention,
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  Speaker 1: and they were and they are. And I always say,
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  Speaker 1: you don't know whos pay attention. I always say it
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  Speaker 1: to you. But it's really nice to hear that. It's
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  Speaker 1: really nice. I am. When someone someone asked you today,
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  Speaker 1: are you happy?
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  Speaker 2: Are you good?
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  Speaker 1: There's a there's a big are you good? That's a
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  Speaker 1: very that's a little, that's a lot of question in
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  Speaker 1: some way somebody's is not? Am I happy in life?
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  Speaker 2: In general? Now? I will fully admit that I'm not.
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  Speaker 2: I you know what that really even means?
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  Speaker 1: Uh? Do I have some happy moments or joyful moments
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  Speaker 1: or some relaxed moments. Yes, every once in a while
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  Speaker 1: I do. They're not very often, but I do, And
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  Speaker 1: when I have them, I'm fully present for them. That's
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  Speaker 1: something I did learn I can. I'm thinking about a
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  Speaker 1: recent Saturday. I had took the whole day off and
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  Speaker 1: I was in the garden and I often on watched movies.
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  Speaker 1: I slept and I got up. I mean it was
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  Speaker 1: like it was like it was the best day. The
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  Speaker 1: weather wasn't that bad, no one was bothering me. It
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  Speaker 1: was it was a good day. So I was fully proud.
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  Speaker 1: I remember just thinking, I was like, we really take
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  Speaker 1: this in because you don't want to go to these again.
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  Speaker 1: It's hard when you are in charge of a lot
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  Speaker 1: of stuff, and anyone at home knows that anybody who's
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  Speaker 1: looking looking after a parent or looking after a sibling,
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  Speaker 1: who anybody who has kids and grandkids, anybody who has
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  Speaker 1: businesses or jobs are just right demanding.
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  Speaker 2: Uh.
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  Speaker 1: And I love being an entrepreneur. I love that. That's
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  Speaker 1: not I love having jail j medium, suporganizer. I love
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  Speaker 1: having a lot of help. These these are these are
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  Speaker 1: my businesses. I love having them. I love doing the work.
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  Speaker 1: I love being the boss. It's my ship. I can
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  Speaker 1: do every fuck I want. I love it, but it
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  Speaker 1: is stressful and a lot of work on top of
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  Speaker 1: everything else. And that if I can be left alone
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  Speaker 1: just do this stuff, I'd be so happy. But that's
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  Speaker 1: how that's our life works. It's it's just it's a
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  Speaker 1: it's a lot. Anybody who's I'm not the person in
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  Speaker 1: the world, you guys, Let you guys know this. It's
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  Speaker 1: a lot. So and I'm doing it all alone.
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  Speaker 2: No.
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  Speaker 1: Yes, I have some friends and some family that help.
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  Speaker 1: That's that's fine. But in the end of everything, at
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  Speaker 1: night time, this is a tale joir this morning, but
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  Speaker 1: in the end at night, I'm alone. There's no one
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  Speaker 1: with me to talk to you and hang on with
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  Speaker 1: or cuddle with, or no one there to tell me
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  Speaker 1: it's gonna be okay. No one there to hold me
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  Speaker 1: or or say I'll make dinner tonight. I don't have
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  Speaker 1: any of that. It's I'm by myself, and that's a
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  Speaker 1: whole other story or whatever. But I'm just saying that
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  Speaker 1: that's that's my reality.
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  Speaker 2: And so that could be a heavy thing to go
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  Speaker 2: through every day.
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  Speaker 1: And then you have any health challenges, which many of
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  Speaker 1: us out there do you're dealing with that if you're
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  Speaker 1: I'm in constant I'm in pain every single day, So
• 11:16
  Speaker 1: there's that chronic pain could exacerbate everything. So I'll talk
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  Speaker 1: about all the time. I don't whine and complain about it,
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  Speaker 1: just I haven't. I have to work through it every
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  Speaker 1: day so I can get it fixed. And there are
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  Speaker 1: forces against me prolonging that having cancer, you know, going
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  Speaker 1: through that journey. Aybody who's had cancer nose takes a
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  Speaker 1: while to get through it. So we'll get through it
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  Speaker 1: fast and we'll get through it slow. So we'll get
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  Speaker 1: through a medium that hanging over your head is not
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  Speaker 1: fun either, restressful being a black man in America, just
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  Speaker 1: going outside it will not even was like staying my
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  Speaker 1: house restressful, be older, you know, being this.
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  Speaker 2: Being that. So I just it's so I think I
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  Speaker 2: just want people to know.
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  Speaker 1: That I know I'm not alone in that sense, and
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  Speaker 1: that all of us, many of us have something going on,
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  Speaker 1: a lot of many of us who are dealing with it,
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  Speaker 1: like really in reality on our own, that everything is
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  Speaker 1: up to us in the end of and and the
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  Speaker 1: whole big scheme of things is up to you, and it's.
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  Speaker 2: Up to us. I for me.
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  Speaker 1: Since I've been going through all this stuff the last
• 12:30
  Speaker 1: i'll say three three and a half years, my creativity
• 12:35
  Speaker 1: has gone through the roof I have. I have creative
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  Speaker 1: energies everywhere. I have songs I'm writing and producing. Not
• 12:45
  Speaker 1: doing any books right now, a book thing I've stopped
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  Speaker 1: for a while, but songs, audio, dramas. It's definitely coming
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  Speaker 1: through me, shows, show ideas, even my interviews and my
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  Speaker 1: interview style. And it's just been wonderful. It's been at
• 13:03
  Speaker 1: that part because obviously, how the tragedy beauty can be born,
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  Speaker 1: I've always said that, so it's kind of funny that
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  Speaker 1: that part has happened. And now my goal isn't I
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  Speaker 1: can't think about, Okay, how can I be happy? When
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  Speaker 1: can I find happiness that's for me? That's dead, that's
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  Speaker 1: not even that's not even anything that's dead. It's it's
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  Speaker 1: now just about maintenance. It's like, how can I not
• 13:33
  Speaker 1: go crazy? How can I not you know, want to
• 13:37
  Speaker 1: run to traffic at five in the afternoon, four or five?
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  Speaker 1: How can I still continue to stay calm and handle everything?
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  Speaker 1: My foreseeable future is I'm now in charge of so
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  Speaker 1: much stuff that it is not even it's not even funny,
• 13:50
  Speaker 1: and it's stuff that's not going to go away. It's
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  Speaker 1: stuff that I can't pass on anybody else. It's I'm
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  Speaker 1: the final decision maker for a lot of stuff. Uh,
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  Speaker 1: And that's just how it is. I mean, yeah, I
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  Speaker 1: guess in me, I could go screwing everybody. I'm just
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  Speaker 1: gonna leave and somebody else could take over all this stuff.
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  Speaker 1: I guess, and then I don't want to do with
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  Speaker 1: my life when I know what I would do, but
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  Speaker 1: I don't. I don't have that in me. I could
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  Speaker 1: never just leave my family behind. It's not how I'm built. Plus,
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  Speaker 1: I the one the few things I do like. I
• 14:25
  Speaker 1: like the place where I live that worked hard at
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  Speaker 1: it here, and.
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  Speaker 2: I like my jobs I've created. I mean, I don't.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm not looking to go off the grid and
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  Speaker 1: say by everybody, I'm done, but as times I feel
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  Speaker 1: that way. But I just na it's not it for me.
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  Speaker 1: And I'm looking at I'm quietly finding things in the
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  Speaker 1: upcoming future to try to help me get through stuff
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  Speaker 1: like this. But in the end, though, I'm having to
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  Speaker 1: reconcile that I'm in charge of a lot of stuff
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  Speaker 1: and that's just that, and a lot of people my
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  Speaker 1: age and older are going through the exact same thing.
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  Speaker 1: We're not alone, We're not the only one that's doing this.
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  Speaker 1: It just it just happens that that's how it is.
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  Speaker 1: It's just hard when it first becomes on set, when
• 15:18
  Speaker 1: it starts to happen, you're like, wait a minutes, this
• 15:20
  Speaker 1: will be happening. There's no time. I don't know why
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  Speaker 1: I thought maybe it would happen in my seventies or something.
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  Speaker 1: I have no I have no idea, I don't know what.
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  Speaker 1: I don't know what I was thinking, but part was
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  Speaker 1: I just wasn't thinking. And I did have a lot
• 15:32
  Speaker 1: of fun. I'll tell you guys, I had a lot
• 15:34
  Speaker 1: of fun in my twenties and thirties and forties. I
• 15:36
  Speaker 1: was hard in those years too, had a lot of fun.
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  Speaker 1: Answer there are things I don't miss anymore because I did.
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  Speaker 1: I did have a lot of I did a lot
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  Speaker 1: of fun. I've lived a lot of life. There are
• 15:47
  Speaker 1: things that I still want to do, and I don't
• 15:52
  Speaker 1: know if they'll be happening or not. There are things
• 15:55
  Speaker 1: that I would like to do. I have no idea
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  Speaker 1: if going to happen. Or not. And it's hard for
• 16:01
  Speaker 1: me to plan for a future past a couple of
• 16:06
  Speaker 1: months at a time because I have several things are
• 16:08
  Speaker 1: just uncertain and I just don't I just don't have that.
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  Speaker 1: I don't want to plan something that have to cancel
• 16:15
  Speaker 1: at all, and I still want to do that, but
• 16:18
  Speaker 1: I understand the concept of trying to plan something else
• 16:21
  Speaker 1: I can look forward to. You. So right now I
• 16:23
  Speaker 1: have two big trip three big trips there there work related,
• 16:27
  Speaker 1: but they'll be fun the next couple of months that
• 16:30
  Speaker 1: I'm looking forward to.
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  Speaker 2: And that's that's that's cool. But I don't.
• 16:38
  Speaker 1: When it's like we have this thing coming up in
• 16:40
  Speaker 1: Jil January, you have to come to it. As I
• 16:42
  Speaker 1: put it on my list, I have no dot January
• 16:43
  Speaker 1: is gonna look like. And anything can happen in my life,
• 16:46
  Speaker 1: Anything can happen in four months. What going on. I
• 16:50
  Speaker 1: have no idea what's gonna happen because of my health,
• 16:57
  Speaker 1: especially because my health especially so when I'm working on stuff.
• 17:02
  Speaker 1: I'm always working on stuff. And we'll see, we'll see
• 17:05
  Speaker 1: what more I can accomplish the next twenty years.
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  Speaker 2: I mean, I kind of sall.
• 17:10
  Speaker 1: I go on fifty seven twenty years will be seventy seven.
• 17:13
  Speaker 1: I mean, people are living longer and healthy and this stuff.
• 17:16
  Speaker 1: I'm not just staking. What is what will be my
• 17:21
  Speaker 1: life expectancy and what will my quality life be?
• 17:25
  Speaker 2: I guess that's that's kind of the the thing right
• 17:30
  Speaker 2: whereill I be?
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  Speaker 1: So I just kind of want to say, ask you guys,
• 17:36
  Speaker 1: that's kind of where I'm at it. I'm not I'm
• 17:37
  Speaker 1: not a sour post but I play with on TV
• 17:40
  Speaker 1: as a title of this, but really not, I'm really
• 17:42
  Speaker 1: I do have some laughs. I do stuff off camera
• 17:46
  Speaker 1: and everything now my shows too to see it. But
• 17:50
  Speaker 1: I'm going to do a lot right now and it's
• 17:53
  Speaker 1: very heavy and it's very serious. It's like twenty plates
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  Speaker 1: spinning in my head at the same time.
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  Speaker 2: And that's what I'm going through. This is jail Jay
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  Speaker 2: this morning.
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  Speaker 1: Hopefully some stuff kind of chew on for yourselves and
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  Speaker 1: I think, just not you should look at yourselves. Where
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  Speaker 1: are you at? Have you properly assessed who you are?
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  Speaker 1: In this time period? We change all the time. I
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  Speaker 1: am coming to the conclusions of who I am right
• 18:24
  Speaker 1: now and some work that I'm doing, some self work
• 18:27
  Speaker 1: that I'm doing, and actually that's Actually, it's freedom when
• 18:32
  Speaker 1: you can accept who you are fully. That's that's where
• 18:35
  Speaker 1: the freedom comes from.