Latest / The Difficult Boss Podcast with Fexingo: Managing Up, Toxic Managers, and Workplace Survival / How to Handle a Boss Who Gives Vague Feedback
Transcript
- Lucas: So you finish a one-on-one with your boss, and you walk out thinking — okay, that was nice, but what do they actually want me to do? Luna: Right. The classic vague feedback trap. 'You need to step it up.' 'Be more strategic.' 'Your communication needs work.' Zero specifics. Lucas: Exactly. And the frustrating part is — you want to improve, you genuinely want to meet their expectations, but you're left playing a guessing game. So today, let's talk about why bosses give vague feedback, and more importantly, what you can actually do about it. Luna: I think a lot of managers don't even realize they're being vague. They think they're being clear. Lucas: That's a huge part of it. In their head, 'step it up' might mean 'increase your output by 20 percent and start taking ownership of client escalations.' But they just say the first three words and assume you'll fill in the rest. There's a term for this — it's called the 'curse of knowledge.' They know what they mean, so they think you know too. Luna: And sometimes vagueness is a shield. If they give you a specific critique, they have to stand behind it. Vague feedback is safer. Lucas: Absolutely. It's a conflict-avoidance tool. If I tell you 'your presentation style needs work,' I haven't committed to anything. If you push back, I can say 'oh, I didn't mean anything harsh, it's just a general observation.' Meanwhile you're left wondering — is it my slides? My pacing? My eye contact? My data? Luna: So what's the move when you're on the receiving end? You can't just say 'be more specific' — that can sound defensive. Lucas: No, you need a script. I call it the 'specificity script.' It's three questions you can ask in sequence, depending on the situation. Question one: 'Can you give me an example of when I did that well, and an example of when I could have done better?' That forces them to anchor the feedback in a real moment. Luna: That's smart. Because if they can't think of a single example, the feedback might not be legit. Lucas: Exactly. And if they do give an example, now you have concrete behavior to work with. Question two: 'What would success look like for me on this? Can we define a specific outcome or metric?' This is about moving from vague to measurable. 'Be more strategic' becomes 'I want you to lead the quarterly planning deck with three growth initiatives, each with a revenue projection.' Luna: And question three? Lucas: Question three: 'When would you like to check in on my progress on this?' That sets a timeline and creates accountability. Now it's not just a one-off comment — it's a goal with a follow-up. And you've turned a vague criticism into a development plan. Luna: I love that. But what if the boss still resists? Some managers just don't want to be pinned down. Lucas: Then you document. After the conversation, send a brief email: 'Thanks for the feedback on my presentation style. Based on our chat, I'll work on speaking slower and including more data. I'll send you my next deck by Thursday for early feedback.' That does two things. First, it shows you're proactive. Second, it puts your interpretation in writing. If the boss had a different idea, they'll correct you. And if they don't, you've set the terms. Luna: That's almost like managing up through documentation. I've done that before — it's saved me in performance reviews. Lucas: Hundred percent. Let me give you a real case. I worked with a marketing manager named Priya. Her boss told her in a review, 'Your presentation style needs work.' That's it. She asked the three questions. Her boss said, 'Well, in the Q3 review meeting, you rushed through the data slides, and people seemed confused. A better example would be when you walked the team through the customer journey — that was clear and engaging.' Now Priya knows: the issue is pacing and data clarity, not her slides or her voice. Luna: So she now has something actionable. Lucas: Right. Then for success: her boss said, 'I want you to present the Q4 results in a way that non-marketing stakeholders can follow without asking clarifying questions.' That's a measurable outcome. And the check-in was set for two weeks later. Priya crushed it, because she knew exactly what to work on. Luna: That's a great example. But what about the boss who gives vague positive feedback? Like 'great job' — that's nice, but you don't know what to repeat. Luna: I think that's actually a missed opportunity. You can ask, 'Thanks! What specifically worked well so I can make sure I do it again?' That's not fishing for praise — it's professional development. Lucas: Exactly. And most bosses will happily elaborate. They just needed the prompt. So the specificity script works both ways — for constructive and positive feedback. Luna: Let's talk about the bigger picture. If you're constantly getting vague feedback, is that a sign of a bad boss? Lucas: It can be. But it's not always. Some bosses are great at strategy but terrible at communication. They genuinely don't know how to break things down. That's fixable with the script. But if you've used the script multiple times and they still give you nothing — no examples, no metrics, no follow-up — then you have a pattern. And that pattern could indicate they're disengaged, conflict-avoidant to a fault, or they simply don't respect your growth. Luna: And at that point, you might need to escalate. Not in a confrontational way, but by looping in HR or a skip-level. Lucas: Right. Frame it as a need for clarity: 'I want to make sure I'm aligned with expectations, but I'm struggling to get concrete guidance. Could you help me facilitate a conversation?' That way you're not complaining — you're asking for support. And HR or your skip-level can sometimes coach the manager themselves. Luna: I also think it's worth considering whether the vagueness is cultural. Some companies just have a feedback culture that's very 'soft.' They don't want to hurt feelings. Lucas: That's true. Especially in startups or creative agencies where people pride themselves on being 'nice.' But nice without clarity isn't helpful. It actually creates anxiety because you're never sure where you stand. I'd rather have a blunt, specific boss than a vague, nice one. Luna: Yeah. And if you're a manager listening, I hope you take this as a call to be more specific. Your team wants to succeed. Help them by being clear. Lucas: Absolutely. And if you're an employee, remember: you're not stuck. You have agency in these conversations. The specificity script gives you a tool to take control. Use it. Luna: If today's episode helped you think about how to handle vague feedback in a more concrete way, that's exactly what we're here for. And the way this show stays ad-free and focused is through listener support. If you found value, you can buy us a coffee at buy me a coffee dot com slash fexingo. Lucas: Yeah, it's a small gesture that goes a long way in keeping this podcast independent. No pressure, but if it made a difference for you, we appreciate it. Luna: So to wrap up — the next time your boss says 'step it up,' you've got a script. Ask for an example, define success, set a timeline. And document everything. Lucas: And if you've got a boss who's consistently vague, know that it's not a reflection of your ability. It's a reflection of their communication style. You can work around it, work through it, or — if it's truly toxic — work your way out. But don't let vague feedback keep you in the dark. Luna: Thanks for listening, and we'll catch you next time on The Difficult Boss Podcast.