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Stay Strong Bro: The Phrase We Need to Rethink · Don Talk - Conversations with Mike Turner

• Don Talk: Welcome everybody to another episode of Don Talk. We excited to keep this party going. So we gonna jump right into it. We have a topic, but we gonna see how this goes. We gonna flow with today. We'll start off with, let's start off with what you sipping on today. Mr. Anderson: Welcome, welcome. ⁓ brother, I'm sipping on something sunshine, something nice. I got my lemonade mixed with some Bullet Bourbon rye. You know what mean? With a little bit of margarita up in this. Man, this mess tastes like I'm in Hawaii. It's chilling on the beach. Butt naked with my shoes off. Don Talk: You Sounds fun right there. Mr. Anderson: ⁓ man, ⁓ yeah, yeah, it's nice. What about you, what you sippin' on man? Don Talk: I'm doing old faithful today. Uncle Nearest, 1884. I got it in my oak cup, which I don't know if you ever had bourbon in these things. If you get a true oak cup that's charred on the inside, it does bring out the flavor profile in the bourbon because this is what the bourbons are sitting in for five years. So they just started making cups out of them. It's good. Mr. Anderson: Okay, okay. Mm-mm. ⁓ okay. I didn't know that. ⁓ okay. Yeah. Yeah. Smart, very smart. Don Talk: But you gotta get a real oak one, not one of those fake oak ones. Mr. Anderson: Man, I was talking about the land. I'm get one of them trees that they had. It's like a tree that wasn't doing well. They kind of took down all the bad trees. I'm gonna get one of those and I'm gonna start doing stuff with the knives. That ain't gonna do. You know you're gonna do that. That's too much time, man. I don't got that time for time. Telling stories with my knife and my cup. How you doing, man? What's up with you, Don Talk: You Hey, this is gonna be a, I'm gonna try to be as open as possible on this call. It's been tough, man, it's been weird. It's been tough. ⁓ I'm just in a weird space with, guess we've had these conversations before and I gotta wrap my head around it all. Like we talked about last week, not being where I wanna be. Mr. Anderson: You You alright? Don Talk: in my life, you know, think I should be more financially stable, more... I'll say this. I'm out here in Austin and it's been tough to find community. And this is like the first time in the first city that I've been where I feel like I haven't had that. And I don't know why it's different here. So I think that's been tough for me. is the community aspect of being out here. It's been tough. been out here for almost, well, 11 months. Mr. Anderson: Yeah. I know. Don Talk: And now, and it still don't have a community. don't get it, not one person not gonna sit here and call and be like, hey man, let's go do this. Let's go kick it, you know. Mr. Anderson: What's difference between that and being in, you know, we all moved, right? You moved for college, right? You moved multiple times. So what's the difference between where you were? I get Purdue because, you know, that was college and, that's a different experience, but you moved to multiple places. What's the difference between that and what you're experiencing now? Don Talk: That's what I'm trying to figure out is even in other locations, it was very easy to find people. I don't know what it is about here. Mr. Anderson: Yeah. Don Talk: I don't know if it's that, it hasn't seemed come across that easy to find like-minded people also. That's the key. could, can I find a random person to hang out with and let's go get some drinks or let's go smoke cigars or whatever. But like, you know, I want to have some conversations. I want to talk about some stuff. I don't want to sit there and just be BSing. There's times if I'm going to go to the cigar lounge and I just need to relax, I'm going do it 100 % by myself. But sometimes I'm trying to, you know, um. Mr. Anderson: Yeah. Yeah. Don Talk: feed off of the knowledge of other people. And so you want, I want like-minded people around, but I haven't been able to find that. And I don't know, have no idea why I'm trying to figure it out myself, but in other cities it's been. Mr. Anderson: Mm-hmm. Maybe because the reason why you didn't go. Maybe the reason why you moved there wasn't other places, it was your choice. I mean, this was your choice too, but you was more in control of it. But now, I mean, the reason why you moved to Austin was because of love, your relationship, right? Now the love is not there. So what reason do you have to be there? Don Talk: And I think that's 100 % what I'm going to do. And I'm asking myself, why am I here? Do I want to be here? Because I'll be honest, the only reason why I ever thought I wanted to move to Austin is I used to work in college athletics for 20 plus years doing event facilities management. And University of Texas was always one of my top schools I wanted to work for. But that was the only reason why I would come to Austin if I had a job at that school. I don't have a job at that school. So, like said, I took a job to move me down here with my... Mr. Anderson: Alright. Don Talk: my ex and that went south what four months into coming down here. So now it's like what am I doing? ⁓ And I don't want to speak negatively about the job because it's a great opportunity and I'm grateful for the job but it's not a job that I necessarily would have picked if I was searching on my own. That makes sense. ⁓ So yeah it's a. Mr. Anderson: Yeah. Alright. It does. ⁓ I'm just curious, and I probably asked this question before. This question usually get people stuck, but I'm gonna ask you anyway. If you can, where you are right now, you know, in your life, if you can do anything that you knew you would not fail, you knew you will be successful at it, what would you do? Don Talk: coach. Coach, Coach Track and Field, jump coach. Mr. Anderson: and what's preventing you from doing that. Don Talk: In order for me, I coached one year right out of college, so I got one year of experience. In order for me to get back into coaching, would have to start over financially. And I can't afford to start over financially. Mr. Anderson: What are you afraid of losing? Don Talk: I got bills to pay and a coaching salary for me to start off the game more experience, they can allow me to pay the bills. Mr. Anderson: I get you. So you're not gonna coach. Don Talk: So. I'm not gonna coach unless the right opportunity falls in my place, but that's highly unlikely. ⁓ I don't know, but being involved with track and field one way or another would be ideal. There's opportunities. There's you know, track facilities popping up here and there that there's some possibilities, but that's so far down the road. I don't know, but I have a good job, but also is the reason I keep asking myself is the reason why it's so tough out here is because I need this time to. Mr. Anderson: Okay. Don Talk: continue to internally and distractions of people won't allow me to do that. I don't know. Mr. Anderson: Are you speaking in code right now? Okay. All right. Because you said it distracts enough people. Don Talk: Well, like just, yeah, just like if I had the plethora of friends in the community just to engage with on a constant basis, that's taken away from the time that I should be spending alone to continue to work on me and build me up. You know, I don't know if it's this phase in my life where I need to spend time doing that, or I also believe that no one's meant to be alone. You know, so I don't know, it's just a weird, weird space. Weird space. And sometimes it comes across like, dang, you know, I've always, people always try to tell me, ⁓ you're enough, you're enough. what like that's I guess that's what I'm trying to figure out understand what am I enough for who am I enough for So, yeah. Mr. Anderson: Are you enough for you? Don Talk: Yeah, but then like what's my purpose? think there has to be a purpose. Mr. Anderson: The life is not about finding, life is not about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself. I live by that, right? Most people try to find their purpose and purpose. You find your purpose by doing whatever the heck you wanna do, right? You choose your purpose and people may fight against that, whatever, you know what I'm saying? But your purpose will come once you start doing what you wanna do. Don Talk: Yeah. Mr. Anderson: because you will now be aligned with you. We're so busy trying to do what society tells us to do, how society tells us to act, which I respect because it's society and we got to function. But at the same time, man. you still have to make sure you're okay. ⁓ You know what I'm It's... That's my train of thought. Pulse. Don Talk: So let's talk about this. This is gonna help guide the conversation. I'm looking over here at something else I earlier today. ⁓ yeah, yeah, so let me pause, my bad, my bad. Pause. Deron, how you doing, dude? How you doing? What's going on in your life? Mr. Anderson: Are we gonna ask how I'm I wanna know how I'm doing. Yeah, man, ask how I'm doing. Yeah, man. ⁓ man, I'm doing great. Man, you know what, you know what? I'm gonna switch the tempo a little bit now. And I think a lot of people experience this. You ever had so many good things going on that it seems like... a bad thing, right? ⁓ you know, for example, you have, you know, five job opportunities and you got to choose one. You know what mean? Or you have, you know, three different women and, you know, you got to choose one. Don Talk: Yeah, yeah. Mr. Anderson: You know what saying? I don't have that problem, know. I got 17 years in the game. Yeah, I got the one, man. I'm good, I'm good. But honestly, that's where I am. I'm at that point where I have a lot of good things going on for me. But it's like a puzzle, right? It's like a 500 piece puzzle. You got all these pieces. So I'm in the process of putting these pieces together. Don Talk: That's a tough problem to have. That's a good problem to have. You got the one. Mr. Anderson: Right? And now I'm looking for that one edge piece, that one corner piece. Like I can't find it. Where is it? But normally it's right in front of you. That corner piece is right in front of you. But what you have to do? Man, you just got to keep on moving pieces. got to keep on putting the pieces in where they fit in at that particular time. So you may not have the corner piece in front of you, but it's probably under one of those other pieces. So just keep moving. And that's why I am, man. I'm in a good place, but it's... I always say that the life that God has given me, I didn't expect it. And I'll just say this, growing up... You know, and we both, you know, been in situations, we've seen marriages, we've seen divorce, right, we've seen that, right? I didn't want to be married. I didn't want none of that. I wanted to be a single dad. I had my kid, I had my stacks. You know what saying? I go visit, you know, me and my kid, go out, I buy him whatever he wanted to buy. He go back to his mother or wherever with me and we chill. I never wanted, I never seen myself married, ever. So when I finally got married, I didn't know what to do with it. I wasn't prepared for the life that God has blessed me with. So it's so many good things. I don't wanna mess it up. I'm not gonna mess up my marriage. just don't want, you know, but you do make kind of crazy decisions along the way. So that's where I am now, man. I'm just trying to make sure that I don't make, you know, decisions to the point where I don't, you know, I don't mess up my life too much. Don Talk: don't see that happening, brother. I don't see that happening. Mr. Anderson: Thank you, man, I appreciate you for that. Don Talk: And that's a good point, because I don't want to sit here and be saying like it's woe is me. We all said this before, because you just brought ⁓ a good point out of this. I have a great life. I've accomplished a lot. So I never want to take that away. And I got to lean more into like, dude, you that motherfucker. Like for real, let's just be real. Mr. Anderson: Right man! Yeah, yeah. Don Talk: This is me working on me, so let me just praise myself for a minute. ⁓ From Englewood, California, got a full track scholarship to Purdue University. Four time Big Ten champion, two time All-American, still holds the school record in the triple jump at Purdue. Went to grad school, got my masters from Purdue. ⁓ My daughter was. Mr. Anderson: Absolutely, For free. Right? Don Talk: For free, ⁓ all this is for free, all this is for free. my daughter was born ⁓ after my senior year in college. So then ⁓ I took her to grad school with me. So I was a single parent in grad school, raising my daughter, working three jobs in school, like making it happen, you know. Got an internship with the Rose Bowl, a granddaddy of them all, year-long internship with them. Got a job back at Purdue where I worked for eight years. Worked at University of Miami as an assistant AD of event operations for seven years. Worked at Ole Miss as assistant AD of facilities for two years. Worked at University of Valle Reno for two years where I was senior associate athletic director. ⁓ Went to ⁓ Boston where I was the general, not general manager. executive director of the Reggie Lewis Tracking Athletic Center. ⁓ Mr. Anderson: And how much money you bringing them in? Was it like three million? Three, four million? Two million? Right? ⁓ Okay. Don Talk: Uh, two million, two million, two million. I did about $2 million. So it's like, I done done some stuff, but there's always, you know, the athlete in me is always, I can never settle. I'm like, I'll say, what's next? What's the next move? You know, what am I going to conquer now? Um, and the job I have now, there's a lot, I mean, we're, what I stepped into was it's night and day difference to where we've turned it around to. like I'm a fixer by nature. Mr. Anderson: ⁓ Competitive, yeah. Absolutely. Don Talk: I see a problem, I could come up with the right plan and make it happen. I've done that at each one of the places I've been. I've left it better off than when I got there. So I really ain't got nothing to complain about, but it's like for some reason, I just feel like I should, there's certain aspects of my life I should be better at. Mr. Anderson: Right. Yeah, yeah. Mike, I'm gonna call you out, man, and you accomplished so much. I'm not knocking that, but you know what? You said you accomplished so much in your life. Why you only mention your jobs? You did mention, you mentioned your daughter too. You're a great father, you're a provider, right? You in your word. You survived that, you survived that injury, right? Don Talk: That's my daughter. Yeah. Mr. Anderson: You, mean, from whatever, you know, the friendships that you, got, and and you said, you did this last episode, man. You, you, you, you're always, yeah, man, because you have to look at yourself just, your career is this much of your life. You know what I'm saying? There's so many aspects to you. There's so many parts of you, so many pieces. Let's learn how to look at all the pieces. Don Talk: I gotta break it. ⁓ Mr. Anderson: You know what I'm saying? And stop just looking at, okay, I accomplished this, I make this much money, which is important. I'm not knocking that. Let's get this right. I'm not knocking that. But there are many facets to you, to Mike Turner, that you have to learn how to look at, because if you only looking at one part, you're ignoring every other great thing about you. Do you know who else you are other than what what job you're at or you know what I'm saying or how much money you make? What else are you? Don Talk: Actually, so I will say the my greatest accomplishment to this day is Raising that raising Taylor Greatest greatest accomplishment, right? You're mute Mr. Anderson: Okay, sorry about that. Go ahead. Don Talk: My greatest accomplishment to this day is raising Taylor. I'm super proud of myself for that. Every time I talk to her, which is daily, it brings a smile to my face on what she's accomplished and what she's doing with her life. Mr. Anderson: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Don Talk: Great, amazing. Outside of that, I'm struggling to find out or see where, to be completely honest, where my life has mattered. That's just a, just an honest thing. Cause you don't, how many as men, how many times have a friend or somebody told you what value you've brought to them? Mr. Anderson: Okay. Not too many, man. Don Talk: So then you operate in life not knowing what effect you've had on people. And then I moved around exactly. You get your flowers when you dead. The fact that I'm proud, I'm gonna say this right now, I'm proud of you. You've been married for 17 years, you got three beautiful kids, a fucking amazing wife. You got it going and you got some land. Mr. Anderson: Except that's your funeral, right? Don Talk: shirt that I own man that you trying to there we go it's on there right now so and you doing it like love it is everything perfect none of it is not but like I'm giving you your flowers right there man you you got a you've done great knowing that where we came from and what we've done and how we've everything that we've been through and to see you now love it Mr. Anderson: Hahaha All right. Let me give you your flowers, man. You don't know how much your family has influenced me. You know what saying? You guys are like all y'all, not just you, right? All y'all. You know what I'm saying? It's just like an extended family, man. I love coming to your house. I loved it. you know what saying, just to kind of be around this other big brothers, because you guys are my big brothers. You know what saying, you guys took me places and introduced me to racing, although... You, hey, I still to this day tell stories about just the way you guys are just racing these cars and kind of doing your thing. I still tell stories about the great Mike Turner, you know, just jumping so far, you know, even though he hurt himself, can't nobody still top his record. You know what saying? Right? I mean, and this is kind of vain, but I'ma say it. You have a lot of pretty ladies, man. A whole lot. Like you have model chicks. Like so, and I always looked up to that. Yeah, well, that's all you, man. I witness it. That's all you. I've witnessed. I've seen your caliber of women that you've... Don Talk: Had, Mr. Anderson: influence and you know that you've charmed yourself into you know what saying and your your friendship is I mean is at that point where it's like you don't have to talk to that person for years and when you get back to them it's like you guys never skip the beat so I appreciate you I appreciate your family I appreciate everything that you you know that you've shown me. You know what I'm saying? Because, and I'm not sure of the topic today, we don't, friendship, men friendship is extremely important and rare, especially long-term. You know what I'm saying? So we just want to make sure that... we hold tight to the, and I'm not talking about those friendships that you feel that you gotta maintain. I hate, I'm talking about those friendships where you can tell the person something bad and they still respect the fact that you told them. and not talking behind their back and not wondering, you know, well, why are they not doing this or why didn't I hit me up? Man, I respect your friendship. I respect you as a father, as a professional, as a man all the way. that's, Purdue has nothing to do with it because I loved you before Purdue, man. Don Talk: that man and that's what that's what we need to do more for each other because with everything that you know that you go through as a black male in this world and to not hear that I feel that you that man get to a place of damn why why am I here what am I doing right ⁓ Mr. Anderson: Yeah. You all right? Hmph. Yeah, absolutely. Don Talk: And because we don't hear this enough, the average woman in your life doesn't tell you that enough because they don't want you to get big headed and leave them. So they don't tell you how awesome and amazing you are because they feel like if you hear too much, you're going to get your chest pumped out and you're going to find somebody else. No? So you spend time in relationships, the average person, not you because you've been 17 years at it. Mr. Anderson: Hmph. Don Talk: You spend, the average person spends time in relationships not knowing their value in relationships unless they're providing. So, and then nowadays you hear all these stories of the women leaving the man because they lost a job or they wasn't making as much money as they were before. So, society has taught me that my value is in what I'm bringing to the table financially and what title I have. That's what, so I guess that's why I always bring that stuff up. Mr. Anderson: Mm-hmm. Yeah. Don Talk: But yeah, I love my daughter Dev. She's the greatest thing that's ever happened to me. And she's amazing. And one day we'll have her own here. But it's like, if we don't pour into each other enough to let us know that you have value, what does it lead to? It leads to ⁓ men having a four time higher suicide rate than women. Mr. Anderson: Okay, definitely. Man, excuse me. Don Talk: You know, so it's like, because we don't give men our flowers. For some reason, it's called sus, or it's called, you like you're vulnerable. You're not a man if you express your emotions to another man. ⁓ So we gotta get beyond that, because there's people out here struggling. Mr. Anderson: Mm-hmm. Don Talk: because they're grinding, grinding, grinding, and there's no one patting them on the back just saying, dude, you are enough. Mr. Anderson: Mm-hmm. right. So I work. A lot of men, well, in my profession, I encounter a whole lot of people. ⁓ And with the men, what I'm noticing is that I can defer a lot of clinical assessments, right. And I noticed that there's a certain part of the assessment where we talked about our support system, social supports, right? And one question that I usually ask men is, who do you count on and who counts on you? Right? And that's when we go into friendships, right? When we go into people that are important to them. And we kind of, when we, when we started doing that, what I've learned a lot about men is they don't have true, they have, you know, associates, they got people that they work with, but not that person that they can say, man, I'm not feeling good today, Or, you know, I'm not saying men gonna cry in front of each other because we don't. you know, unless somebody passed away and you know, lot of times I don't, we just don't and I don't think we will. I don't think we will, you know, we probably do a Denzel Washington tear every now and then, know, when acceptable, right? But we don't do that, but that's not the case. The point is that a lot of men, don't have that confidant, that confidant, you know, that we can call and trust to keep our emotions to themselves. Don Talk: So, and that's, you're 100 % right. And as long as we've together, you told me to call you anytime, but I still struggle with that. Because you married with three kids, working, doing projects outside of work, like your life is full. I feel like I'm bothering you if I call you to talk about my bullshit. Mr. Anderson: Anytime. Yeah, you said it. Well, if I pick up, you're not bothering me. You think about that? So if the person picks up, you're not bothering them. If you're bothering them, they're not gonna pick up the phone. And I got a lot of people like that, man. I got so many people that, know, I, as a friend, right, my, I try to be a good friend. I try, right? It was to the point where I was contacting some friends at least once a month. I would call them once a month just to see how they're doing. Don't want nothing, just want to see how they doing. Hey man, or call or text, right? Cause now people do the texting, but I'm an old guy. like to text. I mean, I like to call. And once, I think it was an episode of Seinfeld, right? It's crazy. Seinfeld said, You ever had that friend that calls you and even though you don't call them back, they still call you? And I was that guy, man. So once I realized that I was that guy, once I realized that the friends that I was calling never called back, I stopped calling because I know my worth now, man. I know, you know, people pay me to talk to me. And I just want to check on my friends, the people that I thought were my friends, and what do they do? Hey man, just call the CIU and check on the family. That's it. No response at all. So I stopped communicating with those folks all together. And I did that for like a year, just calling the people that I called my friend. I did that for a year. And the people who didn't respond, I just stopped calling them. We still cool, right? We still cool. We still, now we're considered associates. Nah. Don Talk: It's not worth the effort anymore to keep being at one side. Mr. Anderson: Because I know, I've hung around people with, I mean, I know people with lots of money. I know people who don't trust nobody. know, ⁓ man, I know so many secrets that is crazy and I will never share them because I value your privacy and I value the fact that you trust me enough to share with me. And that's all I want, man. My wife told me one day, she said, because I was always worried. I'm like, man, why when I go around people, they don't talk to me? She said, the questions that you ask cause people to think. Don Talk: I don't want to think. Mr. Anderson: People don't want to think. They just want to do whatever they want to do. And for those people, I just want to be a good confidant to people. I want to be the person that people can come to and know that I'm not just mental. and know that if I honestly, Mike, I see, if my phone was ringing at two o'clock in the morning, I know you're not gonna call me at two o'clock in the morning. That call is important. Don Talk: Yeah. Mr. Anderson: Ain't nobody gonna call nobody at two in the morning just because. So I want to be that guy that picks up because I know in the end... That's who I want to be. I want to be the guy that people can talk to. Don Talk: Keep that in mind. Mr. Anderson: Yeah. Don Talk: I'm struggling at 2 a.m. Let's see if Daron answered the phone. Mr. Anderson: Yeah, and if I don't hear them, but best believe if I see you call, I'm like, okay, man, I do, there's something going on. Let me pick up and I'll pick up and I'm sleepy, but I'm there to listen because that's who I choose to be. I want to be that guy. You know what saying? I know a bunch of guys with, like I said, with a bunch of money and they doing a thing and I'm like, man, how they make, how they just do that. But then at the same time, I got to ask myself, how do I do what I do? Because what I do is valuable. Don Talk: I think we're in the same boat where I don't want to do nothing but help people, right? But then as we talked about last week, we're pouring so much into other folks that I don't feel like no one's pouring into me. So I'm actually depleted and go through these phases where I'm just drained and don't have anything left to give. Because I'm so focused on ensuring. Mr. Anderson: Ahem, ahem, ahem. Mm-hmm. Don Talk: whoever's around me is better off when I leave. When I leave that presence, at that point in time, I just want them to be better off. So whether it's at work, whether it's at, I'm smoking a cigar with somebody, hanging out, chilling, I just want everybody to have a good time. I want everybody to be good. And I rarely ever see that reciprocated to me. Mr. Anderson: Yeah. And if you're in the, I mean, I've been in the helping profession for like 17, 20 something, 25 years. I can't remember, for a long time. And what I know is that people that are in a helping profession, first of all, it's a high burnout rate, right? I spend my life listening to people. I get paid to listen to people. But anytime I need someone to listen to me, it's hard to find that. It's hard to find that. And when I find it, I'm very protective of it. hand and appreciative. Right? Don Talk: sense because you want to protect that asset and ⁓ that value that they're bringing into you to make you feel needed and wanted, to make you feel enough. Even though you know you feel enough on your own, it's still good to hear to know that other people feel the same way. Mr. Anderson: Absolutely. It's a lot about you, Mike, man, that you ain't saying. You know what I'm It's something that you're holding in, and I want to know what it is. What is it? Don Talk: therapist asked me did feel like I need to be on medication. Am I borderline depressed or am I fully depressed? And do I need to go on medication? That was the topic of our last session. And I don't know. I don't wanna be chemically reliant on something. Mr. Anderson: What was your response? Understood. Don Talk: against it that, I don't know, I'm in a space where... I'm not happy. I have everything, I have every reason to be happy, but for some reason I'm not. You know, I got... general manager of a company. Mr. Anderson: Again, again, back to your career. Don Talk: Like I shouldn't have no complaints. But like, but that's just an example. Like, oh, he may not have a good job. No, I had a great job. I don't have friends out here. I'll be the first to tell you that. I don't have friends out here. You know, and that's, that's tough. And this is what we was talking about earlier. My birthday was last week and Mr. Anderson: you There it is. Happy birthday. I'm sorry, man. And that was not on purpose. That was not intentional. I was like, ⁓ man. And I seen it in my phone. I know man. I know. Don Talk: ⁓ no, But you know, but I had to dig it into you. Because when I was editing the last podcast, I came across that part. was like, oh, y'all going to get this. Because Malika texted me. Bam. Mr. Anderson: I know, I know, but I seen it, cause it's on my phone. I swear, Mike, it is on my phone and I seen it and I said, I'ma text him and he ain't gonna say nothing. And them damn kids, maybe say something and maybe put my phone down. Absolutely. Absolutely, I got a whole, I got a whole blame kid section. Don Talk: ⁓ so now we blame the kids. Mr. Anderson: Happy birthday, man. Happy birthday. April, what was it? April 21st. Don Talk: Thank you, thank you. 21st. So here's the kicker, right? I spent birthday with work people, which I'm not, I'm grateful, so grateful that somebody wanted to spend my birthday with me. But it it's work people. know, I always try to like keep work and personal separate. And it's like, I went through this phase of, you know, my therapist also telling me, Michael, you need to like. Mr. Anderson: Yeah, absolutely, yeah. Don Talk: Be in a space where somebody wants to praise you and be a part of your life. Like, enjoy it. Don't try to run from it. Don't shy away from it. So part of me wanted to be like, nah, y'all work folks. I don't want to hang with y'all on my birthday. But then I would have been doing the exact opposite of what he's trying to get me to do. So I did it. I had a great time. Great time. But you know, my mind, were they only hanging out with me because I'm their boss? Or did they really truly want to hang with me? I don't know why my mind goes. Mr. Anderson: Mm-hmm. Don Talk: in, it's like... Mr. Anderson: Because you're not enough. All right. Could you feel even that in there? That's something we're working on. Don Talk: Because what am I to them? I'm their boss. So I'm enough based on what I'm capable of doing for them. You take that title away from me, they probably wouldn't think twice about me. Mr. Anderson: You don't have that right. You don't have that right to assume what other people are thinking. You don't. Don Talk: But that was a tough part of that day is nobody wanted to be, I didn't feel that nobody wanted to be around me for me. Mr. Anderson: Would you want to be around you? All right, so, okay, definitely. I I kicked it with you. Definitely a fun guy. Definitely a fun guy. Big TV, very big TV. Definitely a fun guy. So why, I mean, I think the biggest thing, especially for men, we have to learn how to make friends. Don Talk: Heck yeah, I'm a fun guy. Mr. Anderson: We have another social, we can make some, we can go to some, hey, what do you do? What do you do? I hate when people ask me what I do. Stop asking me that. No, I'm a dad. How about that? That's what I do. Because when people ask you what you do, what they're pretty much saying is, what can you do for me? How can you bring value into my life? Right? I mean, we're from LA, man. That's the first thing people usually ask you, what you do. for living, know, cause they want to, you know. So I think what we want to do is we want to first understand, you know, like what is it that we like? What is it that we enjoy doing? And once we figure out what we enjoy doing, we do that, right? And once we do that, we start to come around, get around people who also like to do the same thing. So if you like going to the gym, go to the gym. And I guarantee you're going to meet people. Or if you like going to church, I tell people, go to church, because that's most of our foundation. going to church, moving, I don't like church. Okay, first of all, we're going to church to make connections. We're not going to church to do whatever. I mean, yeah, you go to church to learn about God, but man, by this time, you have your own relationship with God. But you and I, our foundation is church. It's church. Have you found the church? not answer for you, you know you haven't. don't seem to be able to get your current location. Sorry Siri. That was Siri. Yeah. Don Talk: I've been, I've been, no. Sorry, Siri. No, I've been making it a point to find one. I've visited three. No, no, I'm trying to, it needs to be small enough for me to meet some, meet some people. And ⁓ I always get thrown off, man. I'm telling you, like the church itself is so, in my opinion, so against, in general, so against. Mr. Anderson: No mega churches. No mega churches. Okay, don't do that yet. Right. Don Talk: what Christ himself tried to teach people. And it's just like, that's not what you see him. But there's a reason why I say that because, all right, we talked about this came up before also. ⁓ Love your neighbor as yourself. Love the Lord your God with all your heart, mind and soul, love your neighbor as yourself. Above these two, there's no greater commandment. All right? Mr. Anderson: Yeah, but you're not going to church for that. We're going to church for pen- Okay. Right? Right? Right? Don Talk: So you expect when you go into a church that you're going to be greeted with love and people are going to try to talk to you, get to know you, make you feel like you're enough. And it's the exact opposite. Don't feel it at all. You know, so you got people that are walking into these four walls, yearning for love to be felt that they're enough and they're walking out empty handed. So I've been to a couple... a couple of churches and or two or three and it's just, yeah, I'm still looking. I'm not gonna give up hope, but I'm still looking. Mr. Anderson: Where'd you feel more at home? Of all the places you've been, where is home? Yeah, because home is where the heart is. Where's your heart? Where is it? Don Talk: think like two places I had. Reno was great. ⁓ Miami was awesome. If you ask about places, was you asking about places? Yeah. Mr. Anderson: Yeah, where is home? When you think about home, where would you say that is? Don Talk: I've been moved around so much too, that's the other thing. I don't know where that's at. That's what's so difficult too, is like I've always told myself, you place me anywhere I can find friends and I haven't been able to do that out here. But I used to always tell people that, oh, easy. Place me anywhere, I'm gonna find some friends. Haven't been able to do that out here. Which is weird. So. Mr. Anderson: Where's home? Don Talk: I don't know. Those two places I've had, I've had, they felt like home and then, you know, I decided to leave Miami to pursue ⁓ advancement in my career. Reno, I was kind of sort of forced out. So, but Reno was great. I love Reno. Reno's a great town. Mr. Anderson: you Don Talk: biggest little city in world. I love it. So yeah, Reno and Miami, great times. Great people. I still talk to those people often in those cities. want to talk about ⁓ of these ⁓ kind of, not a book review, but portions of this book from ⁓ Wilson, ⁓ Man, The Moment Demands. ⁓ Great book. ⁓ it, ⁓ it in October. Mr. Anderson: Mm-hmm. Don Talk: You know, I had some quotes in here I wanted to elaborate and talk on. It's along the lines, but we're just, we're literally talking about. So it's perfect. He has a quote in here where he says, in the book says, we say to each other, stay strong bro, we subconsciously tell each other that when we feel weak, something is wrong with us. So, like I said, when we say to each other, stay strong bro, we subconsciously tell each other that when we feel weak, something is wrong with us. Like, and at half time, when you say it stays strong, are you really trying to figure out what's wrong with that person or is that just your quick response to say? Mr. Anderson: Okay, when I say stay strong, it's pretty much, I know I say it too. It's pretty much I see that something is happening in that moment. Stay strong brother. You know what mean? Thank you. Stay strong. So like I said, when I say it's more, I see something and it is, I know that's what you need. Don Talk: No, and that's where I disagree. Mr. Anderson: Okay? Don Talk: Society is telling us to be strong. can't go and feel my emotions at that time, which I may not, unless you consider that strength, yes, me going through my emotions and feeling whatever I'm feeling that may bring me to tears. Is that strong? Mr. Anderson: Well, it's mostly at the end. So when I say stay strong, it's usually more of a, not a greeting, instead of saying goodbye, right? Hey brother, whatever you're going through, stay strong. Because you have to, you have to, and you do. Because you can't go out there and look a certain way without consequences. be a certain way without constant and that sucks, but it's when I say strong means keep pushing. Don't give up. Don Talk: But what does that mean? What does stay strong mean? Mr. Anderson: on whatever it is that you're doing. So when we get off this call, like, all right, Dom, man, stay strong. That pretty much means keep pushing forward. Keep doing whatever you are attempting to do. Don't give up. Don Talk: if you're tired of being strong. Mr. Anderson: You're an athlete. What if you're tired? What do do? What do you do when you're tired? Exactly. Take a break. You don't stop. You just take a break. Don Talk: I get tired when I stop. I take a break. So staying strong ain't, yeah. But staying strong doesn't say take a break. You just say, I gotta keep going. Keep going. Mr. Anderson: keep moving forward, yes. You can still take a break, just keep moving forward. Don Talk: But that, think we need to clarify that. know, stay strong, stay strong. But what I interpreted what you said is stay strong. Michael, regardless of what you're going through, keep going. Don't stop. But. Mr. Anderson: Yeah, yeah, I agree. Yeah, when you get off the phone with me, keep going. You can be that person here. You can be that, but you can't be that person everywhere. Let's be real, man. You can't be that person everywhere because everybody wanna accept that. Don Talk: Yeah, but I have, yeah, but that, think that's, this is a great topic discussion because we have to find a place to talk to one another to say, all right, when can I pause? When can I take a break? You know, I don't gotta be at work till eight o'clock tomorrow morning. I got 12 hours. Do I need to be strong for the next 12 hours? or can I rest and pause and be in a space to just sit still and feel what I'm going through, journal, let it out in a positive manner and try to revitalize or rejuvenate myself to get up tomorrow and do it all over Mr. Anderson: You already know, you said it right there. It's acting like you don't know. Don Talk: Yeah, but that's that's what I'm saying. But like when we say stay strong, bro, we don't. Those three words is not Michael. Yeah, what time you to be at work at o'clock? I cool. What are you doing for the rest of the night? I'm about to go do that at XYZ. You know what? Can you wait to do that later? I feel like you just need to take a take a breath. Like pause. Relax, sit and reflect and just be you without feeling like you have to do X, Y, and Z. You got... Mr. Anderson: But at this point, you already know what's up, man. At this point, you know when to take a breath. At this point, you know that once you get into work, ain't no, there is no personal, it's no room for emotions. It's no room for it, right? Because it's business. You can't bring that into the workplace. One, you only can bring those emotions that you're feeling, you can bring in the certain friends. So you don't have to be strong all the time. You just have to be strong when you got a job to do. Right? You got to be strong when you have to support your daughter and you need to get that money. You got to be strong when you have to show your face in front of hundreds or even thousands of people. You have to be strong. That's not a time to be ⁓ the opposite of strong, right? I'll say that. It's not that time. So when we say keep moving forward or be strong, be strong in the moments where you have to be. We can't front like we don't know when it's time to be strong. can't be, there's no time to show emotion. I don't wanna say weak because that's the wrong word. There's no time to show emotion when you're talking about work. There's no time to show emotion when you're talking about anything business. There's no time to show emotion when you are, you know, trying to make an informed decision. No time for emotions. Because if you get your emotions involved, trust me, you'll make the wrong decision. You'll make the wrong decision. Being strong means being strong when you need to. For example, it was a time where my wife, had a miscarriage, right? And I had to go to work. So at the time, my supervisor called me in and said, hey, you know what, what's going on? Hey, how you doing, man? What's going on? And... I was just kind of talking, hey, know, is it. I'm not, nothing personal. It's just like, I'm telling them how work is going. And I started crying, random. It was so random. That wasn't the time for that. So there's a time and a place for us to be strong or for us to show emotion. So being strong, stay strong. Stay strong when you need to. But if you don't need to be strong at that time, don't. Don Talk: I don't know that the average man knows when that is. Or knows how to compartmentalize, like I have this amount of time to be whatever, to rest, to do this, to this, before I have to be a dad, before I have to be a boss, or an employee, a brother, a sister, whatever. Mr. Anderson: Mm-hmm. Don Talk: I don't know that the average man knows when that time is. I think that's where, I don't like that. Stay strong. Mr. Anderson: Okay, don't use it. I'm gonna use it though. Don Talk: you Mr. Anderson: You might have to use it, right? It's not as literal as you're making it. You know what saying? It's not. But I think you understand. And I always go back to you being an athlete. How many times were you told that, how many times were you being strong? You need to be strong. Or you were weak, but you needed to be strong. How many times you done that? Yeah, unlimited amount of times. Yeah, right? So there's a time and a place. can't, there's no, ⁓ I'm tired, I'm tired. I can't do it no more. What's your clothes gonna say? Man, you better, this ain't the time for that. Right, this is not the time for that. So there's a time and a place to show emotion or not. Right now, you better zone yourself out. Don Talk: Yeah. You're on the full scholarship, you gon' do this mess. Mr. Anderson: And it has nothing to do with being a man or showing emotion. No, this is not the appropriate time to be that way. So there's a time and a place. OK, once you're you know, running that race, go home, sit in the bed, reflect, journal, call the person that you need to call. But when it's time for business, no, man, it's time for business. Don Talk: I am not ⁓ totally against the phrase stay strong if we understand what it means, but I don't know the average person understands what it means. So yeah, so I think that causes us the next thing is that causes us to another quote he has in the air is right. As the pressure causes us to suffer in silence, we stop seeking our purpose in life and start. pursuing unhealthy and dangerous outlets to release instead, or outlets of release instead, or we simply just give up. Mr. Anderson: What's your outlet? Do you have an outlet? Don Talk: ⁓ The gym, then shoot, half the time I don't feel like going through all that work to do what it takes. Mr. Anderson: Yeah. We found another outlet maybe this is part of your outlet yeah Don Talk: So God, this is dude, this right here is more than you ever realize is keeping me going. So if I know we're reaching and touching some other folks, but shoot, if I'm getting something from it, as long as we get the time, we keep it going. But yeah, so smoking a cigar. I could just when I'm I'm smoking, I already think about nothing else. Mr. Anderson: Yeah. Don Talk: Then I have to drive to go to cigar lounge. I don't always have to go to a cigar lounge. I stay in a complex that's a non-smoking complex, so I can't even sit on my balcony and smoke a cigar. No, not at all. I don't feel like home at all in this place, at all. Mr. Anderson: till you don't even feel like home. I'm about to say something, man. what do you need to do to feel at home? What transition or what move do you need to make? Because I know we all, and this is one thing I know about, it don't have men, women, whatever. We all know that there's that one thing that we've been thinking about doing. Everybody has that. Either we gonna make an excuse why we're not doing it, right? Or we continue to, it constantly. not set our head. So what are you waiting on? Or what is that one thing that you just like, man, it's just knocking at me. Is it relocating? Is it finding another position, respectfully? Because we know that job is an excellent job, right? Is it like, what is it? Don Talk: I'm gonna spend time thinking on that, I honestly don't know what it is. I'm just being real. Mr. Anderson: I think we should move back to Indiana, all of us. Don Talk: Hey, I'm down for that. Hey, I am down for that. ⁓ I'm down for that. Mr. Anderson: You're gonna be Uncle Mike, man. I keep, that's one thing. I'm like, man, I need to go back to Indiana, man. I love it. Don Talk: I look at those places like I said, Reno and Miami and I had a good community out there. We had RC on the last couple weeks ago. That was my guy. Like, we could sit there and bullshit, and we could sit there and have some intellectual conversations where we're uplifting one another, pouring into one another, and it was great. And we always knew when it was time for the pouring into one another, it was time just to bullshit. So that was a good thing. Mr. Anderson: Yeah. Don Talk: I think that is a bigger struggle. don't have. Mr. Anderson: But we gotta find it. Who's out there, man? Don Talk: I I did come to the realization at one point in time, you talk about unhealthy and dangerous outlets. I did come to the realization in December that I was drinking to turn my mind off from dealing with life. Mr. Anderson: Mm-hmm. Don Talk: And then I like slowed down big time, you know, because once I realized that I like, I don't want to do that. I need to focus on me and like working through this with a clear mind. I don't do that to shut off, to shut my mind off. Like I did learn. did some research and looking up some stuff. And they was telling me that like, if you work out for two hours straight, do some type of physical activity for two hours straight, it's a mind reset. Yeah. So was like, did, when I was going through some mess and I read that, I was like, I literally went to the gym and like, I stayed there for two hours. And like the first hour was like, here we go. you know. Mr. Anderson: Oh wow, I didn't know that, that's cool. I'm Don Talk: But the more I got closer to, I felt amazing and great. And as an athlete, student athlete at the time, or athlete, wherever you're doing, you're doing that every day. So that's why those individuals are so sharp all the time. Because you're literally flushing out all negative energy on a day to day basis. Because the average workout time is four hours. You're working out for a minimum of four hours. In college, minimum four hours. Mr. Anderson: Right? Woo! Don Talk: Yeah, like so, you have to go to school, do your homework, but you, four hours, you up in there working out a day. Mr. Anderson: Yeah. Stay strong. Don Talk: So like... Can't get me to work out four hours a day now. Mr. Anderson: Amen. No, I'm, just to kind of let you know, if you need me, I'm there and I won't even charge you. And it got nothing to do with that. has to do with, that's the type of person that I choose to be because I know from... All the people I've been, like all the clients that I've been in contact with and all the stories I've heard, man, I've so many stories. I got so many secrets stuck in my head, But all these things that I've heard, I know what you're talking about. I know that it is. You know, like for men, it's hard to find somebody that they can trust. It's hard to find someone they can just... We go through it. We go through it. But I'm not, I said, won't say it. Women go through it too. But you know, I ain't no woman, so I can't say nothing. You know what I'm But you know, the men, man, it's so hard for us. I was just talking to somebody and I said, how do you ask another dude for their phone number to connect? Don Talk: Yeah. Mr. Anderson: Right? It's like, man, can I get your number so we can... Like it just, it don't sound right. So what do we say? We try to make it sound cool. Hey man, let's connect. You know what I'm saying? Or... Don Talk: I did that not too long ago with some brothers at a cigar lounge. We walked into a cigar lounge, I saw two brothers out there, I was like, I'm gonna go sit with these guys. I grabbed my cigar, sit down, we just started talking. And then how did I ask them? I got their number. I think I like, I think I used the, hey man, let's keep this going. Next time, y'all smoke cigar, let me know, I'm gonna come. So let's exchange numbers. Mr. Anderson: you Don Talk: So I did that. But even those, they so busy, I've tried to hang out and connect with those guys. They busy. They got life going on. They got a lot going on, which is great. So it's hard to reconnect with those individuals. ⁓ But I'll say this, this is my goal. I know somebody is going to listen and watch this to be like, dang, I want somebody to talk to just on GP. So if you are a guy out there that Mr. Anderson: Yeah. Yeah. Don Talk: feel like you're alone, don't have anybody to talk to, DM us, send us a message, and we're gonna make it happen. Whether we jump on the call, not record it, if you want us to record it, that's another, but I ain't here to showcase that stuff. I wanna help. So if you just need to talk and connect, let's do that. Shoot us a DM, shoot us a message. We'll connect as quickly as we possibly can via Zoom or whatever. And if you in my city, in Austin, and you're seeing this and you want to connect, hit me up. We'll make it happen. So I know there's people out there that's looking for opportunity to talk to somebody. We're here for it. That's what we want to do. Mr. Anderson: Here ⁓ we Also I have a website, you can go to Green Book Therapy or Daddy's Green Book, type it in. my information, you can go to my website if you need to. I'm probably a different type of clinician. I've been around a lot of clinicians. ⁓ I just wanna make, I'm one of those clinicians that I'm on the inside. I got on the inside. I made it on the inside. So I just want to make sure, want, you know, men, people, whomever, I want you guys to know that your secrets are up here. They stay up here. They never go out at all. After every session that I have with any individual, I go for a walk. I leave, you know, and then once I come back, I'm fresh again. So, and I want, you know, I want people to know that. Like there's people out there who actually wants to listen and is interested in your story and is interested in your struggle. So, there we go. Don Talk: With said, we're gonna put your link below ⁓ here on YouTube below so people will click on that and find you. And we're gonna make it happen. We're gonna connect with somebody. We're gonna see when this drops if we can make a ⁓ report back and see how many people we connected with off of this episode that's heard this and reached out to one of us to just connect and have somebody talk to you. All right, so with that said. Mr. Anderson: There we go. Don Talk: We appreciate everybody tuning in. I appreciate you, Da'Ron just taking the time to continue to do this. This is, it's helping me out. You know, and I know, I know there's some other people that is helping out because they, they, they reach out and let me know what's going on. So we, one person, seeing one person get something out of it is good enough for me. so I'm, I want to keep it going just for that. Mr. Anderson: ⁓ me too, man. I enjoy it. I enjoy it. Absolutely. Absolutely. Don Talk: With that said, all hearts and minds are clear. Until next time, people. Mr. Anderson: That's beast.