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Voddie Baucham - Forgiveness · Voddie Baucham Sermons

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Speaker 1: It is indeed a delight to be here this morning.
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Speaker 1: We're excited to be able to spend this time. We
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Speaker 1: are here on a two-month furlough. We are coming toward
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Speaker 1: the end of that two-month furlough, and we're growing weary.
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Speaker 1: We leave on the 18th to head back to Lusaka.
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Speaker 1: We started off in Dallas and then drove from there
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Speaker 1: to New Orleans and spent a couple of days in
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Speaker 1: New Orleans and then went to Jackson and spent about
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Speaker 1: a week there, a little over a week there with
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Speaker 1: the brand new grandbaby. who was born on the 28th
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Speaker 1: of December. So we're excited to be there and providentially
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Speaker 1: to be there right at that time, a couple of
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Speaker 1: days after he was born. And then from there, I
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Speaker 1: mentioned that we're driving all of this. And then from there,
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Speaker 1: we drove over to Charlotte and spent a couple of
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Speaker 1: days there, ministering there. And then from there to Atlanta
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Speaker 1: and a couple of days ministering there. And then after that,
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Speaker 1: up to Nashville and then to Louisville. Went to the
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Speaker 1: Creation Museum and the Ark and had a nice little
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Speaker 1: break in the middle of that. And then back down
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Speaker 1: to Jackson because, you know, the grandbaby's there. And then
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Speaker 1: after Jackson, back over here. So pray for us. We
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Speaker 1: tallied it last night because Simeon was saying how much
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Speaker 1: he misses his house and his toys and his room.
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Speaker 1: And we tallied it up. We are now staying in
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Speaker 1: our 15th place in the last six weeks. So, yeah,
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Speaker 1: there's all that. But we are excited to be back here.
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Speaker 1: And to be at GFBC, it was interesting, you know,
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Speaker 1: when you said that, Stephen, I'm starting doing the math
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Speaker 1: in my head that that was 13 years ago that
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Speaker 1: the Lord started this work and that by His grace,
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Speaker 1: still here, still serving, still carrying out the mission and
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Speaker 1: the vision and the calling that God has placed on
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Speaker 1: this work, and so for that we praise the Lord. Amen?
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Speaker 1: If you have your Bibles with you, open them this
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Speaker 1: morning to the book of Ephesians. Ephesians. Ephesians chapter 4.
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Speaker 1: If there was one word, if I could only use
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Speaker 1: one word, to describe and to define Christians and Christianity.
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Speaker 1: It would be difficult. It would be difficult to do.
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Speaker 1: And I think for most of us, we'd kind of
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Speaker 1: be torn between a few words. Grace would be one
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Speaker 1: of those words that would come to mind, and salvation
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Speaker 1: would be one of those words that would come to mind.
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Speaker 1: But if I had to choose one, it would be
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Speaker 1: the word forgiveness. That would be the word, forgiveness. Because
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Speaker 1: I think it encapsulates so much of what it means
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Speaker 1: to be Christian, both in terms of our relationship to
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Speaker 1: God and in terms of our relationship to one another.
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Speaker 1: It encapsulates everything. It captures everything. I want us to
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Speaker 1: look at Ephesians 4.32, and we've looked at this verse before.
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Speaker 1: We've looked at this verse together before. And I think
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Speaker 1: it's incredibly important. And I want to move from, you know,
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Speaker 1: before we've looked at this word and we've talked about
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Speaker 1: really kind of the mechanism of forgiveness. And I want
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Speaker 1: to look at it today and talk about the motivation.
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Speaker 1: The motivation, forgiveness. Because now, moving into my... I'm not
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Speaker 1: moving into my third decade. I'm almost done with my
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Speaker 1: third decade of gospel ministry. Having done this for all
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Speaker 1: that time, it's amazing. One of the things that really
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Speaker 1: changes over time in doing gospel ministry, in dealing with
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Speaker 1: God's people, in walking with God's people, One of the
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Speaker 1: things that happens is it's kind of like parenting. Over time,
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Speaker 1: you see the same things over and over and over again.
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Speaker 1: Over time, you watch people go down the same roads
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Speaker 1: that you've seen people go down over and over and
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Speaker 1: over again. And you sit down with people. And this
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Speaker 1: is not what happens in the pulpit. And I remember
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Speaker 1: hearing these things early on in the ministry. You go
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Speaker 1: into the ministry early on and you think the ministry
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Speaker 1: is all about the pulpit. Nothing could be further from
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Speaker 1: the truth. Nothing could be further from the truth. The
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Speaker 1: ministry is not all about the pulpit. The ministry is
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Speaker 1: all about the counseling room. the kitchen table, that place
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Speaker 1: where you sit down and take these things and apply
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Speaker 1: them in real life circumstances. Those times where you sit
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Speaker 1: with people and you look them in the eye and
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Speaker 1: you say to them, I know this road that you
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Speaker 1: are about to walk down. I've seen people walk down
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Speaker 1: this road a thousand times before. I can tell you
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Speaker 1: where this road ends. I can tell you what's going
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Speaker 1: to happen. And they look at you and you can
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Speaker 1: tell by the look in their eye, they're going down
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Speaker 1: that road. Because they think they're different. And what's different
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Speaker 1: is after three decades of ministry, here's what you have.
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Speaker 1: You have the opportunity to be there when people finish
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Speaker 1: that road and come back and say, why didn't you
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Speaker 1: warn me? And you can say, well, actually, I did. Well,
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Speaker 1: why didn't you warn me more? Actually, I did. Well,
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Speaker 1: why didn't you just grab me and throw me on
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Speaker 1: the ground and shake me? Because trust me, just that close,
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Speaker 1: but that wouldn't have helped you. And if there's one road,
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Speaker 1: there's one road that you see over and over and
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Speaker 1: over again that derails Christians. It's this road of unforgiveness.
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Speaker 1: It's this road of unforgiveness. You see people walk away
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Speaker 1: from marriages and walk out on their families because of unforgiveness.
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Speaker 1: You see young people walk away from home and go
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Speaker 1: down Horrific roads that threaten to derail and destroy them
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Speaker 1: all because of unforgiveness. You see friendships that are thrown
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Speaker 1: away because of unforgiveness. You see people who walk away
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Speaker 1: from the church, from the Lord. Because of unforgiveness. This
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Speaker 1: is the crux of the matter. This is everything. Both
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Speaker 1: in terms of our relationship to God and in terms
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Speaker 1: of our relationship to one another. So let's look at
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Speaker 1: this here. Ephesians 4, 32. And let's back up to
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Speaker 1: verse 25 and read that whole paragraph. Therefore, having put
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Speaker 1: away falsehood, let each one of you speak the truth
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Speaker 1: with his neighbor, For we are members one of another.
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Speaker 1: Be angry and do not sin. Do not let the
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Speaker 1: sun go down on your anger and give no opportunity
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Speaker 1: to the devil. Let the thief no longer steal, but
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Speaker 1: rather let him labor, doing honest work with his own hands,
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Speaker 1: so that he may have something to share with anyone
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Speaker 1: in need. Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths,
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Speaker 1: but only such as is good for building up as
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Speaker 1: fits the occasion that it may give grace to those
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Speaker 1: who hear and do not grieve the Holy Spirit of
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Speaker 1: God by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption.
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Speaker 1: Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and
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Speaker 1: slander be put away from you along with all malice.
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Speaker 1: Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another as
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Speaker 1: God in Christ forgave you. Amen. Hallelujah. Praise the Lord.
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Speaker 1: Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving each other as
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Speaker 1: God in Christ forgave you. First, I want to define
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Speaker 1: forgiveness here and then make a few observations about forgiveness
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Speaker 1: in this text and then some applications of it. When
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Speaker 1: we talk about forgiveness, one of our biggest problems with
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Speaker 1: forgiveness is we don't define forgiveness correctly. And forgiveness is
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Speaker 1: more than just a statement or more than just a
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Speaker 1: lack of hostility. Forgiveness means canceling a debt. Forgiveness means
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Speaker 1: canceling a debt. The classic example is, you know, you
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Speaker 1: have something of mine that you have borrowed, right? You
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Speaker 1: have my phone that you've borrowed. We have these things.
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Speaker 1: We take these things everywhere. I don't know why anyone
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Speaker 1: would borrow anyone else's phone, because you can't ever have
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Speaker 1: it more than a couple of feet away from you,
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Speaker 1: but let's just go with it, right? You borrowed my phone,
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Speaker 1: and then you destroyed my phone. Forgiveness is not me saying,
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Speaker 1: you know what, okay, I forgive you. Meaning, I'm not
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Speaker 1: going to do bad things to you right now. Like
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Speaker 1: I would like to, I'm going to keep a level
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Speaker 1: head and a level voice. I forgive you. I forgive you.
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Speaker 1: Just buy me another phone and we're good. Actually, by definition,
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Speaker 1: forgiveness means you don't have to buy me another phone.
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Speaker 1: Because forgiveness means I cancel the debt that you owe.
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Speaker 1: And this is huge. This is huge. This is one
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Speaker 1: of our biggest issues and one of the biggest problems
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Speaker 1: with this question of forgiveness because we think I forgive
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Speaker 1: you means I'm not going to give full vent to
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Speaker 1: my anger. I have forgiven you because I didn't slap you.
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Speaker 1: I didn't spit on you. I forgive you, but you're
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Speaker 1: going to pay. That is not forgiveness. Forgiveness means the
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Speaker 1: debt is canceled. Well, okay, but how do we translate
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Speaker 1: that into interpersonal relationships, right? Because, I mean, you know,
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Speaker 1: there's no money that exchanges hands in these interpersonal relationships.
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Speaker 1: There's no, how then do I cancel the debt? Here's
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Speaker 1: where the rubber meets the road. The way that we
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Speaker 1: punish one another, the way that we express unforgiveness toward
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Speaker 1: one another, is by withholding attention, affection, or honor. That's
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Speaker 1: the price that we make one another pay. Withholding attention, affection,
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Speaker 1: or honor. That's how we punish. I'm angry with you.
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Speaker 1: I don't want to see you right now. Get out
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Speaker 1: of my face. That means I am punishing you and
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Speaker 1: making you pay by withholding my attention from you. I
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Speaker 1: don't even want to see you right now. Or maybe
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Speaker 1: it's not withholding attention. Maybe it's withholding affections. You can
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Speaker 1: have my attention, but there will be no warmth from me,
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Speaker 1: no affection from me. You will know by the stone
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Speaker 1: hard look on my face. You will know by the
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Speaker 1: coldness with which I deal with you that I am
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Speaker 1: withholding my affection from you right now. I forgive you. Oh,
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Speaker 1: thank you. Kiss on the cheek. Nope. You're paying. That's
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Speaker 1: not forgiveness. Or withholding honor. Classic example of this one
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Speaker 1: is my parents weren't great parents. So, okay, fine. What
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Speaker 1: are you going to do? Your father wasn't a great father.
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Speaker 1: Your mother wasn't a great mother. What are you going
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Speaker 1: to do? Well, I'm going to withhold honor. How are
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Speaker 1: you going to withhold honor? It's their birthday. I'm not
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Speaker 1: going to call them. Can't say amen, you ought to
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Speaker 1: say ouch. I'm going to withhold that because they don't
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Speaker 1: deserve it. That's the way that I'm going to punish them. See,
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Speaker 1: these are the ways in interpersonal relationships that we make
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Speaker 1: one another pay. So if we define forgiveness wrongly, then
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Speaker 1: here's what we end up doing, right? Because forgiveness would
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Speaker 1: mean I'm not going to withhold affection, attention, or honor
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Speaker 1: from you. Right? But because we're wrong about what forgiveness means,
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Speaker 1: something happens and we say with our mouth, I forgive you.
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Speaker 1: Meaning I'm not going to throw scalding hot water on
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Speaker 1: you and I'm not going to, you know, run a
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Speaker 1: key down the side of your car. But I am
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Speaker 1: going to withhold attention, affection and honor. Which means I
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Speaker 1: say you're forgiven. But you're not. This is why something
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Speaker 1: happens at church. We get upset. I won't show up. Why?
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Speaker 1: Because not showing up is a means of withholding attention, affection,
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Speaker 1: and honor and letting whoever I'm upset with at church
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Speaker 1: know that I'm upset and you must pay. You're following me.
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Speaker 1: This is what unforgiveness looks like in interpersonal relationships. This
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Speaker 1: is what destroys friendships. This is what destroys marriages. This
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Speaker 1: is what destroys relationships. Withholding attention, affection, and honor. And
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Speaker 1: there are sophisticated ways of doing this, right? You can
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Speaker 1: do this in a number of ways, you know? The
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Speaker 1: Super Bowl is on today. I don't know if you
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Speaker 1: guys realize this. It's the Super Bowl today. Right? But
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Speaker 1: you can do little things like I have known people
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Speaker 1: who decide to root for one team because somebody that
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Speaker 1: they're mad at likes the other. That's just me. Right? Right?
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Speaker 1: How about, hey, who you got in the Super Bowl? Well,
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Speaker 1: definitely not Los Angeles because my mother's from Los Angeles
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Speaker 1: and you know how mad I am with her. But
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Speaker 1: this is how ridiculous it gets. So now that we
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Speaker 1: are on the same page about... What this thing is.
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Speaker 1: Let's look here and make some observations about it from
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Speaker 1: this text. And again, let me just say this up front.
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Speaker 1: And unfortunately, you have to say this up front. Because
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Speaker 1: whenever you talk about forgiveness, there's somebody who's sitting there
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Speaker 1: right now. And you're already upset with me. Because your
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Speaker 1: entire existence is rooted in the unforgiveness that you hold.
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Speaker 1: against someone. Your entire life is defined by the bitterness
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Speaker 1: that you have because of what happened to you in
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Speaker 1: your past. And you're mad at me right now. Because
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Speaker 1: you know in your heart of hearts that if you
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Speaker 1: were to ever forgive and let go of that bitterness,
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Speaker 1: you'd have to find another way to define yourself. You're
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Speaker 1: mean and nasty to people, but it's okay because you
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Speaker 1: had trauma in your childhood. You're stuck in a rut
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Speaker 1: and can't and won't move, but it's okay because you
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Speaker 1: had a bad experience in your past. And right now
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Speaker 1: you're sitting there and you're like, I can't believe he's
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Speaker 1: making light of my situation. I don't even know your situation.
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Speaker 1: But I don't have to know your situation because I
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Speaker 1: know what's in the book. But if that's you, just
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Speaker 1: hold on And ask yourself this question. Why would you
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Speaker 1: be offended? Because I'm pressing this issue. I've had these
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Speaker 1: conversations before. And people who just don't understand my pain
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Speaker 1: and are always telling me to get over it. Like
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Speaker 1: I'm the one who... The words didn't come out of
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Speaker 1: my mouth. Because guess what? Forgiveness and getting over it
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Speaker 1: are two very different things. Amen? Like I said, just
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Speaker 1: forget about it. I didn't say that. Forgive and forget.
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Speaker 1: That's not, you know what, maybe in second hesitations you
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Speaker 1: find that... But that's not in the real Bible. Forgive
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Speaker 1: and forget is not in the real Bible. Amen? That's
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Speaker 1: not in the real Bible. That's in the made-up Bible, right?
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Speaker 1: That's in the book of Hezekiah or something like that.
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Speaker 1: But forgive and forget is not in this text because
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Speaker 1: human beings weren't made to forget. Amen, somebody? We weren't
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Speaker 1: made to forget. When human beings start forgetting things, we're malfunctioning.
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Speaker 1: I guess the medical professionals in the audience who are
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Speaker 1: going like, you know who you are. So, no, forgetting.
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Speaker 1: Here's the other thing. Forgetting takes the glory out of forgiving. Forgiving.
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Speaker 1: That's not where the power is. The power is not
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Speaker 1: in this individual who has wronged you in some way
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Speaker 1: coming into your presence and you looking at them like
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Speaker 1: there's no memory of what. No. Power in forgiveness is
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Speaker 1: when there is that very real memory, that very visceral experience,
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Speaker 1: and yet in the midst of it, by the power
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Speaker 1: of God, by the grace of God, you relinquish any
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Speaker 1: right that you might think you have to punish that person. That, that, that.
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Speaker 1: is the power of biblical forgiveness. Not in forgetting. Look
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Speaker 1: at the verses. Make a couple of observations. Kind to
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Speaker 1: one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another as God and Christ
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Speaker 1: forgave you. A couple of things. One, this text here
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Speaker 1: and the context is about forgiveness within God. the parameters
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Speaker 1: of the body of believers. This is not about us
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Speaker 1: forgiving people outside. By the way, there's more than enough
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Speaker 1: biblical evidence that we're supposed to forgive people outside. Amen?
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Speaker 1: A couple of times we've referred in the catechism and
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Speaker 1: in the end of our prayer time, right, to what's
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Speaker 1: commonly referred to as the Lord's Prayer, right? Forgive us
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Speaker 1: our debts as we forgive our debtors. Forgive us our
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Speaker 1: trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us. Amen?
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Speaker 1: In Mark 11, Jesus says, if you stand praying, right,
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Speaker 1: and you have anything against anyone, anything against anyone, forgive.
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Speaker 1: If you have anything against anyone, forgive. No exceptions. Amen? Forgive. Forgive.
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Speaker 1: But the context here is forgiveness amongst the family of God.
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Speaker 1: Forgiveness amongst the people of God. And really, the whole
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Speaker 1: paragraph is about that. Let's look at the paragraph again
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Speaker 1: and pay close attention to what's happening here. Therefore, having
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Speaker 1: put away falsehood, let each one of you speak the
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Speaker 1: truth with his neighbor, for we are members of one another.
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Speaker 1: What is that? That's the church. And I would argue
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Speaker 1: that it's not a leap at all to apply this
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Speaker 1: to the family, especially to the marriage relationship. Amen? Being
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Speaker 1: members of one another, one flesh union, okay? You can
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Speaker 1: do that. But next, be angry and do not sin.
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Speaker 1: Do not let the sun go down on your anger.
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Speaker 1: Give no opportunity to the devil. Let the thief no
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Speaker 1: longer steal, but let him labor, doing honest work with
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Speaker 1: his own hands so that he may have something to
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Speaker 1: share with anyone in need. Let no corrupting talk come
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Speaker 1: out of your mouths, but only such as is good
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Speaker 1: for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may
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Speaker 1: give grace to those who hear. Do not grieve the
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Speaker 1: Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for
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Speaker 1: the day of redemption. Again, let our bitterness be put
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Speaker 1: away from you, along with our malice. This is within
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Speaker 1: the church. And the real key to that is found
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Speaker 1: in verse 30. Do not grieve the Holy Spirit by
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Speaker 1: whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. And
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Speaker 1: this is one of those places where Scripture interprets Scripture, right?
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Speaker 1: We've heard so many explanations of what, well, I'm grieving
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Speaker 1: the Holy Spirit. That's this, that's that, that's the other.
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Speaker 1: You know, we were talking about phones earlier. I've been
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Speaker 1: in churches where, you know, they scroll across the screen, right?
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Speaker 1: And it's, you know, silence your cell phones. We don't
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Speaker 1: want to grieve the Holy Spirit. Oh, that's what that...
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Speaker 1: Cell phones, who knew, right? Silence-crying children, you know, because
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Speaker 1: we don't want to grieve the Spirit. Do this, do that,
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Speaker 1: because we don't want to grieve the Spirit. Contextually, it's
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Speaker 1: not rocket science to figure out what's happening here. Go back,
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Speaker 1: if you will, and look at verse 29. Let no
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Speaker 1: corrupting talk come out of your mouths. Literally, acidic words.
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Speaker 1: Words that corrode like acid, words that tear down like acid.
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Speaker 1: Don't let those words come out of your mouth, but
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Speaker 1: only such as is good for building up as fits
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Speaker 1: the occasion that it may give grace to those who hear.
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Speaker 1: Has there been a reference to building before this? Maybe
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Speaker 1: a reference to building that has something to do with
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Speaker 1: the Holy Spirit. I don't know, maybe at the end
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Speaker 1: of chapter 2? Chapter 2, verse 19. So then you
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Speaker 1: are no longer strangers and aliens, but you are fellow
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Speaker 1: citizens with the saints and members of the household of God,
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Speaker 1: built on the foundation of the apostles and the prophets.
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Speaker 1: Christ Jesus himself being the cornerstone in whom the whole
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Speaker 1: structure being joined together grows into a holy temple in
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Speaker 1: the Lord. In him, you also are being built together
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Speaker 1: into a dwelling place for God by the spirit. So
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Speaker 1: in chapter four, we have language that says, don't use
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Speaker 1: words that corrode like acid and tear down because that
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Speaker 1: grieves the spirit. At the end of chapter 2, we
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Speaker 1: see the Spirit building a structure. Huh? What's... How would
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Speaker 1: we be grieving the Spirit by using those corrosive words?
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Speaker 1: By tearing down what He's building. What is He building?
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Speaker 1: A body of believers who belong to Christ and belong
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Speaker 1: to one another. So... This forgiveness that we're looking at
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Speaker 1: in verse 32 is forgiveness within the context of the
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Speaker 1: body of Christ. Within the context of our relationships with
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Speaker 1: one another, belonging to one another as fellow citizens. in
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Speaker 1: the kingdom of God. Again, we're not negating our forgiveness
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Speaker 1: of people outside. There's more than enough evidence throughout the
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Speaker 1: Bible that we're called and commanded to do that. But
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Speaker 1: this is specific. Notice also he says, be kind to
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Speaker 1: one another, tenderhearted. So forgiveness happens within the context of
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Speaker 1: this kindness and tenderheartedness that we have toward one another
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Speaker 1: within the body. It is part of a broader expression
30:27
Speaker 1: of our union and communion with one another. We belong
30:33
Speaker 1: to each other. Look again at verse 25. Therefore, having
30:36
Speaker 1: put away falsehood, let each one of you speak the
30:40
Speaker 1: truth with his neighbor, for we are members one of another.
30:49
Speaker 1: We belong to each other. We're members of each other.
30:52
Speaker 1: Don't tear one another down. We're being built into a
30:55
Speaker 1: dwelling place for God. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted.
31:00
Speaker 1: Come with me to the right and look at the
31:02
Speaker 1: book of Colossians. Colossians chapter 3. Same author, very similar expression.
31:16
Speaker 1: Colossians chapter 3. Look there beginning at verse 12. Colossians 3.12,
31:25
Speaker 1: put on then as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved,
31:29
Speaker 1: compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another.
31:35
Speaker 1: And if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other.
31:40
Speaker 1: As the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.
31:46
Speaker 1: Above all these, put on love, which... binds everything together
31:51
Speaker 1: in perfect harmony and let the peace of Christ rule
31:55
Speaker 1: in your hearts to which indeed you were called in
31:58
Speaker 1: one body and be thankful. Same idea. This forgiveness that
32:06
Speaker 1: is being commanded is not just being commanded out of nowhere.
32:11
Speaker 1: This forgiveness that is being commanded is part of the
32:14
Speaker 1: environment that is cultivated when we understand that we belong
32:18
Speaker 1: to each other. By the way, that makes forgiveness more
32:25
Speaker 1: important and more necessary. One of the great ironies is
32:31
Speaker 1: this belief that true love ought to require less forgiveness.
32:44
Speaker 1: And I wish I could say that this was something
32:46
Speaker 1: that was just a problem in young marriages or in
32:50
Speaker 1: new marriages, but it's not. This foolishness lasts for decades, right?
32:59
Speaker 1: You would think that this sin would be gone by now. Really? Why?
33:06
Speaker 1: You would think that we wouldn't keep sinning against each
33:10
Speaker 1: other like this. Really? Why? Why? Are you not fallen anymore? Hello, somebody.
33:20
Speaker 1: Or if you really love me, you wouldn't keep sinning
33:23
Speaker 1: against me in the same ways. Actually, the opposite is true.
33:28
Speaker 1: Think of it this way. Let me try to turn
33:30
Speaker 1: it into a mathematical equation. Let's say that I sin.
33:38
Speaker 1: It's actually more accurate to say that you perceive my
33:42
Speaker 1: sin once per three interactions. I sin more frequently than that.
33:50
Speaker 1: But let's say that you perceive my sin once for
33:54
Speaker 1: every three interactions that we have with one another. Well,
34:00
Speaker 1: if we only interact with one another three times a month,
34:04
Speaker 1: then you only perceive my sin against you once a month.
34:09
Speaker 1: That ain't bad. Amen? Amen? But what if we interact
34:16
Speaker 1: three times a day? My rate of sin hasn't changed.
34:23
Speaker 1: Your rate of perceiving my sin hasn't changed. What has
34:27
Speaker 1: happened is we spend more time together. It's sort of
34:32
Speaker 1: like there's a lot of people who believe that there's
34:34
Speaker 1: more floods now than there have ever been before, right?
34:36
Speaker 1: Because you hear about these floods all the time, and
34:39
Speaker 1: it's like, it's the end, y'all. It's the end. This
34:42
Speaker 1: is it. The flood. There was another flood. A whole
34:46
Speaker 1: village flooded. Statistically, there are not more floods now than
34:51
Speaker 1: there have been in the past. But you know what
34:54
Speaker 1: there are more of? Cameras and news stories. A hundred
35:01
Speaker 1: years ago, if there was a flood in some small
35:03
Speaker 1: village in Pakistan, you'd have never heard about it. You'd
35:05
Speaker 1: have lived and died and never heard about it. But today...
35:10
Speaker 1: If there is a flood in a remote place that
35:14
Speaker 1: you can't even pronounce, it's on the news and you
35:19
Speaker 1: see it. It's not that it's happening more frequently. You're
35:26
Speaker 1: just being informed of it more frequently. So what's happening
35:32
Speaker 1: is when we are in relationship with one another and
35:36
Speaker 1: when the relationship is real relationship with one another, it's
35:40
Speaker 1: not that sin is becoming more frequent. It was always there.
35:45
Speaker 1: But our proximity and the frequency of our interaction makes
35:51
Speaker 1: us more aware of it. By the way, married people, please,
35:57
Speaker 1: please hear me right now. It is sheer and utter
36:02
Speaker 1: folly to believe that if your spouse really loved you,
36:07
Speaker 1: they wouldn't keep sinning against you. That's actually the opposite
36:12
Speaker 1: of the truth. It is the love that you have
36:16
Speaker 1: for one another and your proximity to one another that
36:21
Speaker 1: makes you there more frequently when the sin happens. It's
36:28
Speaker 1: not that your spouse loves other people more than they
36:32
Speaker 1: love you. They just don't see them as much. Amen?
36:43
Speaker 1: By the way, those of you who are considering possible
36:49
Speaker 1: relationships with people and you think they're the most amazing, awesome,
36:57
Speaker 1: Talk to people who interact with them more than three
37:01
Speaker 1: times a month. Just saying, right? So that's why this
37:14
Speaker 1: is so incredibly important. Because as believers, and I'm not
37:19
Speaker 1: talking about people who just happen to share the same
37:24
Speaker 1: parking lot every week. Because you can have that, right?
37:28
Speaker 1: You can have a circumstance where all you do is
37:30
Speaker 1: share the same parking lot every week. And where you,
37:33
Speaker 1: you know, you meet, because there are those churches and
37:35
Speaker 1: there are those environments where you meet somebody out at
37:38
Speaker 1: the mall and, you know, or you see their parking
37:42
Speaker 1: sticker and they go, wait a minute, you go to
37:43
Speaker 1: that church? Yeah, I go to that church too. Really?
37:46
Speaker 1: Which service do you go to? Well, I go to
37:48
Speaker 1: this or, oh, well, I go to that. No, I'm
37:50
Speaker 1: not talking about that. I mean when we're sharing life together.
38:01
Speaker 1: when we're having more than three interactions a month, where
38:06
Speaker 1: we're actually getting to see one another's sin. I'm talking
38:13
Speaker 1: about when we live in the home together. Here's the
38:22
Speaker 1: way we normally think about it. And this is what
38:26
Speaker 1: gets us. We're in this environment where we're spending more
38:32
Speaker 1: time together. We're in this environment where I'm seeing more
38:36
Speaker 1: of your sin than I've seen before. That means you
38:39
Speaker 1: have an obligation to sin less. Actually, it means I
38:47
Speaker 1: have an obligation to forgive more. You see the difference?
39:07
Speaker 1: I have an obligation to forgive more. You don't have
39:08
Speaker 1: an obligation to sin less. By God's grace, I pray
39:15
Speaker 1: that you do. Amen? But intimate relationships don't give me
39:27
Speaker 1: the right to look at you and say that if
39:29
Speaker 1: this relationship is going to work, you have to sin less.
39:36
Speaker 1: It gives me the obligation. Notice what the text says.
39:40
Speaker 1: Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, sinning less against one another. No! No!
39:52
Speaker 1: Greater intimacy requires greater forgiveness. And it's unfortunate that many
40:12
Speaker 1: people only learn this in that third or fourth marriage.
40:23
Speaker 1: Because they got married the first time and the assumption
40:26
Speaker 1: was if it was true love, if this was the
40:29
Speaker 1: right person, then there wouldn't be this much sin. And
40:33
Speaker 1: they would sin less. And then they got married again.
40:37
Speaker 1: And now, wow, I've got a problem, but my problem
40:43
Speaker 1: is I keep choosing the broken ones. Again, my problem
40:48
Speaker 1: is my choice, right? There's no problem with me. And
40:52
Speaker 1: so they get rid of this one and then they
40:53
Speaker 1: get married again. And all of a sudden, at some point,
40:56
Speaker 1: at some point, it just dawns on them. Wait a minute.
41:00
Speaker 1: There's something consistent in this equation. There is a common
41:04
Speaker 1: denominator and it's not my choices. It's me. The second
41:16
Speaker 1: and third marriage, the fourth or fifth church. And unfortunately
41:23
Speaker 1: for many people, what happens in that is they don't
41:27
Speaker 1: start saying, wait a minute, I have a forgiveness problem. No, no, no, no, no. No,
41:31
Speaker 1: the church has a problem. That church had a problem. Now,
41:34
Speaker 1: that church had a problem. Now, this church has a problem.
41:37
Speaker 1: I'm done with church. Because there's just obviously not one
41:49
Speaker 1: out there that gets it. Another observation, and hopefully it'll
42:00
Speaker 1: help this make sense and we can understand where the
42:03
Speaker 1: problem lies. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one
42:07
Speaker 1: another as God in Christ forgave you. There's two sides
42:13
Speaker 1: to this. We forgive because we are forgiven, and we
42:17
Speaker 1: can forgive because we are forgiven. But first thing is this,
42:22
Speaker 1: you are forgiven. You are forgiven. You are forgiven. And
42:34
Speaker 1: this is crucial because it kills the hypocrisy. It kills
42:40
Speaker 1: the hypocrisy. Because the hypocrisy is this. The hypocrisy is
42:47
Speaker 1: everyone out there has a sin problem. And everyone out
42:51
Speaker 1: there is getting on my nerves because they sin so much.
42:56
Speaker 1: And they require so much of me in terms of
43:00
Speaker 1: dealing with them. But when you understand that you have
43:04
Speaker 1: been forgiven, when you flip that and you recognize that
43:09
Speaker 1: you are not this pristine, sinless person going through life,
43:14
Speaker 1: being bombarded with the sins of others, but that you
43:17
Speaker 1: are a sinner who has also had to be forgiven,
43:21
Speaker 1: it changes your perspective. You sin. The apostle Paul referred
43:36
Speaker 1: to himself as the chief of sinners. And he wrote
43:39
Speaker 1: two-thirds of the New Testament. Amen? You sin. You need forgiveness.
43:55
Speaker 1: And one of the great ironies in all of this
43:59
Speaker 1: is that when, again, because we've all got our own
44:04
Speaker 1: blind spots, we've all got our own burdens to bear
44:09
Speaker 1: in terms of our sinfulness, but this one tends to
44:14
Speaker 1: be quite ironic because this one, that individual who keeps
44:18
Speaker 1: going from relationship to relationship and cutting people off because
44:22
Speaker 1: everybody's just bombarding them with all of their sin, this
44:25
Speaker 1: one doesn't see that their greatest sin is unforgiveness. And
44:40
Speaker 1: that the problem isn't that there are so many sinners
44:43
Speaker 1: out there, but the problem is that there's so little
44:48
Speaker 1: forgiveness in here. And the cure for that is the cross.
45:03
Speaker 1: Recognize that Jesus did not have to shed less blood
45:07
Speaker 1: for you. Recognize that when you just get completely exasperated
45:20
Speaker 1: and put out with the sins of other people, with
45:23
Speaker 1: the sins with which they are bombarding you, with the
45:26
Speaker 1: failures that you see over and over and over again
45:29
Speaker 1: because you miss nothing in terms of the failures of others.
45:33
Speaker 1: As you're doing that, go back and visit the cross
45:37
Speaker 1: again and look into your Savior's face. And your sin
45:47
Speaker 1: that was nailed there. And your forgiveness that had to
45:52
Speaker 1: be purchased there. And then there's the flip side of it.
46:09
Speaker 1: We are able to forgive because we're forgiven. We're forgiven.
46:17
Speaker 1: This changes not only the way that I view my sin,
46:19
Speaker 1: it changes the way that I view yours. Christ died
46:25
Speaker 1: for that. Unforgiveness is sinister. Unforgiveness does a number of things.
46:39
Speaker 1: Number one, unforgiveness is costly. Emotionally, it's costly. Because it
46:49
Speaker 1: costs me a lot emotionally to constantly punish you. Man,
46:55
Speaker 1: that's a lot. I've got to remember what you did
46:59
Speaker 1: and how much you owe. How much attention, affection, and
47:04
Speaker 1: honor I need to withhold until I feel like I've
47:07
Speaker 1: made you pay enough for your sin. That's costly. That's draining. Amen? Amen?
47:16
Speaker 1: which is why eventually we just say, forget it. I'm
47:18
Speaker 1: done with this relationship. It's costing me too much. That's costly.
47:25
Speaker 1: It also costs you emotionally because you're on a hamster
47:29
Speaker 1: wheel that you never get off of. It doesn't fix people.
47:39
Speaker 1: What does James tell us? The anger of man does
47:42
Speaker 1: not produce the righteousness of God. I'm going to withhold attention, honor, respect,
47:50
Speaker 1: affection from you because I want to inflict as much
47:56
Speaker 1: emotional damage upon you as I possibly can so that
47:59
Speaker 1: next time you're afraid to do this again. Because I
48:03
Speaker 1: do not believe that Christ sanctifies. I believe my anger does.
48:13
Speaker 1: I'm not interested in you becoming more like Christ. I'm
48:16
Speaker 1: interested in you being afraid to experience my wrath so
48:20
Speaker 1: that you don't do that again. That's costly. It's also
48:32
Speaker 1: costly in terms of relationship with God. Because here's what
48:36
Speaker 1: three decades of pastoral ministry has also taught me. People
48:42
Speaker 1: who are unforgiving toward others always question their own salvation
48:48
Speaker 1: because they think God's forgiveness is the same as theirs.
49:02
Speaker 1: You are an exacting and unforgiving person and you believe
49:08
Speaker 1: that that's exactly who God is. and you withhold attention, affection,
49:15
Speaker 1: and honor from people when they sin against you, and
49:18
Speaker 1: when you recognize sin entirely, in your own heart you
49:22
Speaker 1: automatically assume that God is going to withhold attention affection
49:26
Speaker 1: and honor from you because he's going to deal with
49:30
Speaker 1: you in the same way that's costly That's costly. It's
49:43
Speaker 1: also costly in terms of your theology. Your theology gets
49:46
Speaker 1: completely warped because ultimately here's what you're saying. What you're
49:50
Speaker 1: saying is that thing that you just did to me,
49:52
Speaker 1: the blood of Jesus is enough to satisfy the triune God,
49:58
Speaker 1: but I require more. The one who spoke heaven and
50:04
Speaker 1: earth into existence can forgive you for that because of
50:08
Speaker 1: the death of his son. However, I have higher standards
50:12
Speaker 1: than the creator of the universe. He requires the death
50:16
Speaker 1: of his son. That's fine for him. But I require
50:19
Speaker 1: you looking at this face and hearing this voice. I
50:24
Speaker 1: require you feeling alienated from me. I require you feeling
50:29
Speaker 1: fill in the blanks. Because Christ dying on the cross
50:34
Speaker 1: is not enough for me. It may be enough for God,
50:38
Speaker 1: but it's not enough for me. How are you going
50:44
Speaker 1: to be able to have and sustain an appropriate understanding
50:49
Speaker 1: of doctrine and theology if that's the way that you
50:52
Speaker 1: view forgiveness and that's the way you view God? You can't.
51:03
Speaker 1: And finally, it's going to kill your compassion. One of
51:12
Speaker 1: the things that this does, that cultivating this forgiveness does,
51:16
Speaker 1: is it creates compassion. I recognize that I'm forgiven. And
51:22
Speaker 1: now you've sinned against me and I recognize that you
51:26
Speaker 1: need the forgiveness that I've experienced. I keep seeing this
51:33
Speaker 1: same sin from you, and I become compassionate toward you
51:36
Speaker 1: because I know what it looks like and what it
51:39
Speaker 1: feels like to wrestle with a same sin. Amen? And
51:50
Speaker 1: now all of a sudden, instead of becoming embittered toward you,
51:53
Speaker 1: I'm driven. I'm driven to my knees. I'm driven to
51:56
Speaker 1: the cross on your behalf. And it changes things. It
52:14
Speaker 1: changes things. So there are those observations. What about these applications?
52:20
Speaker 1: Just one, really. Forgive. You have been forgiven. You've been forgiven,
52:34
Speaker 1: so you can forgive. By God's grace... You can forgive.
52:43
Speaker 1: What does that mean? The forgiveness that Christ has purchased
52:47
Speaker 1: for you on the cross has transformed you. And you
52:55
Speaker 1: now have the ability to forgive, to be reconciled. Again,
53:03
Speaker 1: go back in the same book. Look at Ephesians chapter 2.
53:15
Speaker 1: Beginning at verse 13. This will be the last one
53:17
Speaker 1: we look at. But now, in Christ Jesus, you who
53:22
Speaker 1: once were far off have been brought near by the
53:24
Speaker 1: blood of Christ. For he himself is our peace, who
53:28
Speaker 1: has made us both one and has broken down in
53:32
Speaker 1: his flesh the dividing wall of hostility by abolishing the
53:35
Speaker 1: law of commandments expressed in ordinances that he might create
53:39
Speaker 1: in himself one new man in place of the two,
53:43
Speaker 1: so making peace... and might reconcile us both to God
53:47
Speaker 1: in one body through the cross, thereby killing the hostility.
53:52
Speaker 1: And he came and preached peace to you who were
53:54
Speaker 1: far off and peace to those who are near. For
53:58
Speaker 1: through him we both have access in one spirit to
54:01
Speaker 1: the Father. This is what the cross has done. The
54:05
Speaker 1: cross has made peace between me and God, and in turn,
54:11
Speaker 1: it has made peace between me and you. I am forgiven. Therefore,
54:17
Speaker 1: I can forgive. I can be reconciled to you because
54:21
Speaker 1: I've been reconciled to God through the cross of Jesus Christ.
54:25
Speaker 1: My sins have been forgiven, and I've been granted a
54:28
Speaker 1: new nature. And I've been made at peace with you.
54:32
Speaker 1: And your sins, even the sins that you commit against me,
54:35
Speaker 1: are under the blood of Christ. What do I have
54:40
Speaker 1: left to hold on to? What do I have left
54:46
Speaker 1: to hold on to? Now, again, some caveats. Because I
54:56
Speaker 1: know that these are yours. And the fact that I
54:59
Speaker 1: need to give these caveats support my argument that this
55:04
Speaker 1: is so crucial. Because whenever you talk about forgiveness, there's
55:10
Speaker 1: the people out there who are like, again, you don't
55:14
Speaker 1: know what was done to me and you're saying I
55:16
Speaker 1: should just. A couple of things. Number one, there is
55:21
Speaker 1: a difference between forgiveness and reconciliation. Reconciliation. There was a
55:27
Speaker 1: song I remember when I was growing up. The whole
55:28
Speaker 1: time that I was preparing, this song kept coming into
55:31
Speaker 1: my mind. You got to be careful what you listen
55:32
Speaker 1: to because it'll come back to you. When I was
55:35
Speaker 1: growing up, some of you know this song. I found
55:36
Speaker 1: love on a two-way street and lost it on a
55:39
Speaker 1: lonely highway. Don't worry about it if you're not old
55:42
Speaker 1: enough to know that song. It wasn't that great of
55:44
Speaker 1: a song. But it speaks to this. Reconciliation is a
55:51
Speaker 1: two-way street. Forgiveness is a lonely highway. In other words...
55:57
Speaker 1: To reconcile, right? Because some people, you know, I would forgive,
56:03
Speaker 1: but they haven't asked for forgiveness. Not required. Not required. Well,
56:11
Speaker 1: but doesn't he say if your brother sins against you,
56:13
Speaker 1: you know, seven times in a day and ask for forgiveness,
56:17
Speaker 1: then you forgive? Yes. Yeah, actually he does. He does.
56:22
Speaker 1: He does. In a text that has to do with discipline.
56:31
Speaker 1: It has to do with discipline. However, again, in Mark 11,
56:36
Speaker 1: if you're praying and have anything against anyone, forgive. He
56:41
Speaker 1: doesn't say if you're praying and while you're praying, somebody
56:43
Speaker 1: comes and asks you for forgiveness. No, if you're praying
56:47
Speaker 1: and you have anything against anyone, forgive. Forgive. You can
56:56
Speaker 1: forgive a dead person. And some of us in here
56:59
Speaker 1: today need to. Because there's somebody who hurt you, a parent,
57:06
Speaker 1: a grandparent, whomever. There's somebody who's hurt you, and they're
57:11
Speaker 1: not even alive anymore. And you're holding on to and
57:14
Speaker 1: harboring unforgiveness, destroying your own life. It's been said, holding
57:21
Speaker 1: on to unforgiveness against another person is like you drinking poison,
57:24
Speaker 1: hoping they die. Forgive. Forgive. Forgiveness is not necessarily reconciliation.
57:42
Speaker 1: Reconciliation requires that other person's cooperation. Amen. That's the only
57:48
Speaker 1: way we can reconcile is with cooperation. And we pray
57:50
Speaker 1: for reconciliation, but we can't make people reconcile. However, forgiveness
57:55
Speaker 1: means I give up my right to punish you. I
58:04
Speaker 1: give up my right to punish you. I'm not punishing you.
58:12
Speaker 1: Forgiveness and reconciliation are two very different things. Amen? Also,
58:20
Speaker 1: forgiveness does not negate our obligation to confront sin. If
58:30
Speaker 1: your brother sins, rebuke him. He repents, forgive him, right?
58:36
Speaker 1: That's the same text that we were just talking about.
58:39
Speaker 1: It's shorthand for the discipline process, right? We still do that. Amen?
58:48
Speaker 1: We still do that. But there's a difference between someone
58:52
Speaker 1: sins and it's brought to their attention and there's a
58:55
Speaker 1: rebuke and withholding attention, affection, honor, respect so that they
59:01
Speaker 1: feel punished for what they did. There's a difference. between those.
59:19
Speaker 1: Seek reconciliation. Pray for reconciliation. Be open to reconciliation. But
59:26
Speaker 1: while you're seeking and praying and being open... Forgive. Don't
59:37
Speaker 1: withhold attention. Don't withhold affection. Don't withhold honor. Forgive. Children, forgive.
59:56
Speaker 1: Because children do this as well. You wanted something and
1:00:04
Speaker 1: you asked mom and dad for it and mom and
1:00:06
Speaker 1: dad said no. And so you fold your arms and
1:00:10
Speaker 1: put your head up in the air and you turn
1:00:12
Speaker 1: your head. What is that? I'm withholding attention. I'm withholding affection.
1:00:16
Speaker 1: I'm withholding honor. And I want you to see through
1:00:19
Speaker 1: my posture that I'm now punishing you, mom and dad,
1:00:23
Speaker 1: for not giving me what I want. That's unforgiveness. Husbands
1:00:38
Speaker 1: and wives. Are you withholding attention, affection, honor from one another?
1:00:49
Speaker 1: I've seen it go on for so long that the
1:00:52
Speaker 1: couple can't even agree on what the original cause was.
1:00:58
Speaker 1: They've been at it for so long that if you
1:01:00
Speaker 1: separate the two of them and ask them, one will
1:01:02
Speaker 1: tell you that it's because of this and the other
1:01:04
Speaker 1: will tell you that it's because of that. One of
1:01:07
Speaker 1: them will go back five years and the other one
1:01:10
Speaker 1: will go back seven. Forgive. Parents, have your children sinned
1:01:27
Speaker 1: against you? That's a rhetorical question, by the way. Forgive. Forgive.
1:01:37
Speaker 1: We don't use the withholding of attention, affection, and honor
1:01:41
Speaker 1: as punishment. Forgive. Has your church, some member of your church,
1:01:54
Speaker 1: some leaders in your church sinned against you? Forgive. Forgive. Forgive.
1:02:13
Speaker 1: And pray to God for reconciliation. And not just outward forgiveness.
1:02:26
Speaker 1: Back to the Super Bowl again. And I only use
1:02:29
Speaker 1: this because it's like the new national holiday, right? But
1:02:35
Speaker 1: I don't even remember when I was having the conversation. But,
1:02:38
Speaker 1: you know, someone was talking about one of the great
1:02:40
Speaker 1: things about, you know, football. And there was some penalty
1:02:46
Speaker 1: that happened. And it was a pretty big penalty at
1:02:49
Speaker 1: a pretty big point in the game. And, you know,
1:02:52
Speaker 1: a guy had jumped off sides or grabbed a face
1:02:56
Speaker 1: mask or done whatever. And it was costly, like about
1:02:59
Speaker 1: to cost him the game, you know. There was a
1:03:01
Speaker 1: slap on the backside, a pat on the head. Let's go, right?
1:03:04
Speaker 1: And someone just sort of commented on how, you know,
1:03:07
Speaker 1: we can learn from that. You know, I'm like, I
1:03:10
Speaker 1: hope not. No, man, you just, you know, you forgive
1:03:15
Speaker 1: and you just move on. Like, no, that's not forgiveness.
1:03:20
Speaker 1: Because in a couple of days, actually the next day,
1:03:26
Speaker 1: they're going to have a film session. And that's going
1:03:31
Speaker 1: to be played over again and again and again. And
1:03:35
Speaker 1: if it's in the NFL, there may be fines handed out. So, yeah,
1:03:45
Speaker 1: it looks like forgiveness in the moment because there's a
1:03:48
Speaker 1: slap on the backside and a pat on the head.
1:03:50
Speaker 1: Come on, let's go on to the next play. But
1:03:55
Speaker 1: the reality is that's window dressing. And that's just expediency
1:04:03
Speaker 1: in the moment to get through this. But everybody knows
1:04:08
Speaker 1: you're going to pay for that tomorrow. Don't let that
1:04:14
Speaker 1: be your family. Don't let that be your marriage. Don't
1:04:21
Speaker 1: let that be your church. Be kind to one another.
1:04:29
Speaker 1: Tender hearted. forgiving each other as God in Christ forgave you.
1:04:39
Speaker 1: And if you're here today and you have not experienced
1:04:42
Speaker 1: this forgiveness in Christ, then before you worry about forgiving others,
1:04:47
Speaker 1: would you recognize your desperate need for forgiveness from God?
1:04:59
Speaker 1: Because that's the starting point. Because apart from this forgiveness
1:05:05
Speaker 1: that you receive from God, you are incapable of the
1:05:10
Speaker 1: kind of forgiveness that's required in this text.