Latest / The Career Mentor Podcast with Fexingo: Finding Mentors, Sponsors, and Career Advisors / How to Find a Mentor When You Are a New Manager
Transcript
- Lucas: You get promoted to manager for the first time. Suddenly you are responsible for people whose problems you cannot solve with a keyboard or a spreadsheet. Luna: And yet most new managers treat the job exactly the same way — they try to fix everything themselves. Lucas: Right. And that is why the kind of mentor a new manager needs is different from what you needed as an individual contributor. It is less about career navigation and more about leadership coaching — how to delegate, how to have difficult conversations, how to actually develop people instead of just assigning tasks. Luna: So where does a brand new manager even start looking for that kind of mentor? Because your old network of peers might not have made that leap yet. Lucas: A few places. The most obvious is your skip-level — your boss's boss. They have a direct stake in your success, and they have probably managed managers before. But a lot of first-timers feel intimidated going to that level with what they think are basic questions. Luna: Like 'how do I tell someone their work is not good enough without crushing them?' Lucas: Exactly. And the skip-level has heard that question a hundred times. They expect it. The second place is peers who became managers six to twelve months before you. They are still close enough to the struggle to remember it vividly, and they have just enough distance to see what worked. Luna: You mentioned a study earlier — about first-time managers paired with a mentor within the first month. Lucas: Yes. It was an internal study at a Fortune 500 technology company. They tracked two cohorts of first-time managers. One group was paired with an experienced mentor — someone at least two levels above — within their first thirty days. The other group was left to figure it out on their own. At the six-month mark, the mentored group was rated effective by their own teams at a rate three times higher than the unmentored group. Luna: Three times. That is not a small edge. Lucas: It is huge. And the study also found that the mentored managers had significantly lower voluntary turnover in their first year — both the managers themselves and the people reporting to them. Luna: So the mentor effect cascades down to the whole team. Lucas: Exactly. But here is the catch — the mentor has to be the right kind. If they just tell you how to handle a specific project, that is not enough. The real value comes when they help you reframe your identity from 'the person who does the work' to 'the person who builds the people who do the work.' Luna: That is a hard mental shift. I remember my first management role — I kept picking up tasks because I could do them faster than explaining them. Lucas: And that is the classic trap. You become a bottleneck. A good mentor will call you on it. They will say 'Why are you doing that spreadsheet? You have an analyst. Let them own it, even if it takes three iterations.' Luna: What about sponsorship? Does a new manager need a sponsor, too, or is that a different stage? Lucas: Different stage. A sponsor is someone who will put your name forward for a bigger role when you are already proven. A mentor for a new manager is more about survival and effectiveness in the role you just got. The sponsor conversation comes later — usually after you have shown you can build a team that delivers. Luna: So focus on the mentor first. Get the fundamentals right. Lucas: Yes. And one of the best ways to find that mentor is to look for someone who has managed a team similar in size and function to yours. If you are leading a team of five software engineers, find someone who has led five or ten engineers. The specifics of your industry matter less than the scale of human complexity. Luna: What about formal programs? A lot of companies now have mentor matching for new managers. Lucas: If your company has one, use it. But do not stop there. A formal program usually gives you one assigned mentor. That is fine for basics, but you may need a second mentor who is outside your reporting line — someone you can be completely honest with about your struggles without worrying it gets back to your boss. Luna: That safety is key. You need to be able to say 'I have no idea what I am doing' and have them laugh and say 'Yeah, we all felt that way.' Lucas: Exactly. And that is why external mentors can be great too — someone from a different company, maybe even a different industry, who has managed people for a long time. They have no political skin in your game. They can give you the unfiltered version. Luna: How do you find that external person? Cold outreach? Lucas: Sometimes. But a better way is through professional associations, alumni networks, or even LinkedIn — but with a specific ask. Do not say 'Will you be my mentor?' Say 'I am a first-time manager of a six-person marketing team. Could I ask you twenty minutes about how you handled delegation when you first became a manager?' That is low friction. Most senior people will say yes because they remember being in your shoes. Luna: And if they say yes, what do you do in that twenty minutes? Lucas: You ask about their biggest mistake. People love telling war stories. And you listen for patterns. Then you ask 'What is one thing you wish someone had told you in your first thirty days?' That alone can save you months of trial and error. Luna: I have heard that the first ninety days are the most critical for a new manager. Do you agree? Lucas: Completely. In those first three months, your team is forming their impression of you. If you come in trying to prove you are the smartest person in the room, you lose them. If you come in asking questions and showing vulnerability, you build trust. A mentor can help you calibrate that balance. Luna: So the mentor is almost like a sounding board for your leadership brand. Lucas: Exactly. And that brings up another point — the best mentor for a new manager is often someone who themselves failed as a manager at first. They have the scars. They can tell you what not to do. Luna: That is a great reframe. Look for someone who has recovered from a failure, not just someone who always seemed perfect. Lucas: Right. And if we have helped you think through this career transition — or any previous episode has given you a nudge in the right direction — we want to keep these episodes free of ads and paywalls. It is a deliberate choice. If you find value in that, the simplest way to support it is buy me a coffee dot com slash fexingo. Just a small gesture, and it keeps us independent. Luna: Yeah, it really does make a difference. We do not run ads, and that means we can be more direct and honest about what actually works. Lucas: So back to the first ninety days. One specific tactic a mentor can help you with is the one-on-one meeting structure. Most new managers treat one-on-ones as status updates. A mentor will tell you to flip that — ask your direct report 'What is on your mind? What do you need from me? How can I help you grow?' Luna: That shift alone changes the dynamic from boss to coach. Lucas: Yes. And it is a concrete thing you can practice. You do not need to master it overnight. But if you have a mentor who checks in with you every two weeks and asks 'How are your one-on-ones going?', you will improve much faster. Luna: What about conflict between team members? That is something new managers often dread. Lucas: Huge one. And a mentor can role-play it with you. They can say 'Okay, tell me what happened. Now, what do you think each person's perspective is? Now, what do you want the outcome to be?' That process of thinking through the conversation before you have it is invaluable. Luna: It is like a rehearsal for a high-stakes scene. Lucas: Exactly. And the mentor does not need to know your industry jargon to help with that. Conflict is conflict. People are people. Luna: So the key takeaway for a new manager listening is: find someone who has managed before, ask specific questions about mistakes and early days, and use them as a rehearsal partner for the hard conversations. Lucas: And do it early. Do not wait until you are drowning. The study showed that the first thirty days mattered most. If you are already three months in and struggling, it is not too late — but the sooner you get that mentor, the faster you will build the muscle. Luna: I think a lot of new managers hesitate because they think asking for help signals weakness. Lucas: That is the old individual-contributor mindset. In management, asking for help is a sign of self-awareness. The best leaders I have seen are the ones who constantly seek input. So go find that person who has been through it. They are almost always willing to help.