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Almost Good Advice Part XII · The Ben and Ashley I Almost Famous Podcast

0:00
Speaker 1: This is the Ben and Ashley I Almost Famous podcast
0:03
Speaker 1: with iHeartRadio.
0:06
Speaker 2: One of our favorite segments in the Almost Famous podcast
0:08
Speaker 2: is almost good Advice. We come to you with some
0:10
Speaker 2: of your questions that you've written in to Ashley and myself.
0:13
Speaker 2: We always get excited to answer the questions or just
0:15
Speaker 2: work through them with you. We can't promise the best answers,
0:18
Speaker 2: but we can have promised some almost good advice. The
0:21
Speaker 2: first one comes from Corrn. It says this, I've been
0:24
Speaker 2: working in the same job for over five years, and
0:26
Speaker 2: while I appreciate this ability, I don't find it fulfilling anymore.
0:30
Speaker 2: I dream of pursuing a career in graphic design, but
0:33
Speaker 2: I'm terrified of leaving my current position and starting over.
0:37
Speaker 2: How do I find the courage to make this leap
0:39
Speaker 2: and turn my passion into a career.
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Speaker 3: I wonder what she's doing currently, if it has anything
0:45
Speaker 3: to do in the Grassip graphic design territory. I'm working
0:50
Speaker 3: with sam job for five years. I think that how
0:55
Speaker 3: to find the courage, Well, you know what can help
1:00
Speaker 3: you a little bit is if you start working like
1:05
Speaker 3: a little freelance somewhere in graphic design, whether you start
1:10
Speaker 3: doing something on your own. That way, you have dipped
1:13
Speaker 3: your toe into that pool. Maybe you're already making contacts.
1:20
Speaker 3: You're just you know, you're getting a feel for the industry,
1:24
Speaker 3: and then you can leave your job, because then you'd
1:27
Speaker 3: feel a little bit just more secure in your decision.
1:30
Speaker 3: You're making sure that it's something that you really do
1:32
Speaker 3: feel a passion for and one end a field that
1:37
Speaker 3: you think you could excel in.
1:40
Speaker 2: Ashley, it's such good advice. Really, I was going to say,
1:44
Speaker 2: the only thing I could speak of to this question
1:47
Speaker 2: is my own experience. And so when I started Generous Coffee,
1:50
Speaker 2: I was working a full time job in financial services.
1:54
Speaker 2: What a lot of people don't know is I work
1:55
Speaker 2: that job in financial services still two years after I
1:59
Speaker 2: was the Bachelor.
2:00
Speaker 3: Yeah, Like when we started the podcast, in the first
2:03
Speaker 3: couple of months, I was like, Ben, you should probably
2:05
Speaker 3: cut But it was exactly what you probably should have
2:09
Speaker 3: done because you had the fallback.
2:11
Speaker 2: Exactly. I had the fallback. I had the insurance, I
2:14
Speaker 2: had the retirement, you know, I had the things that
2:16
Speaker 2: were stable. And it wasn't until I felt like, hey,
2:18
Speaker 2: I can take this risk. Now still risky, but at
2:23
Speaker 2: least I am more set up to go on my
2:26
Speaker 2: own and if that doesn't work in six months seven months,
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Speaker 2: then I will at least be able to find hopefully
2:32
Speaker 2: a new job. And you know how many years in
2:36
Speaker 2: and I haven't had to go back yet to Corporate America,
2:39
Speaker 2: which I'm very thankful for. But actually i'd say part
2:44
Speaker 2: of that, you know, part of the thing not mentioned here.
2:46
Speaker 2: I think your advice is perfect. So I was kind
2:48
Speaker 2: of moonlight starting Generous as I was working for the
2:52
Speaker 2: financial services company and I was doing iHeart kind of
2:55
Speaker 2: the three of them, and so I was doing this
2:58
Speaker 2: podcast in the evenings or after work or during my
3:03
Speaker 2: lunch break, and then I was work at home and
3:05
Speaker 2: work on Generous and do you know, work pretty much
3:08
Speaker 2: to the rest of the evening. There's things I had
3:10
Speaker 2: to sacrifice during that season of life, right, A lot
3:12
Speaker 2: of friends. I couldn't hang out with, a lot of
3:14
Speaker 2: nights out, I couldn't do a lot of travel I
3:16
Speaker 2: had to say no to because I was working really
3:18
Speaker 2: hard to try to build this thing Generous that I
3:23
Speaker 2: was really passionate about. So that is the downside, you
3:26
Speaker 2: know you are, I think, Kinn. The best option here
3:29
Speaker 2: is for you to probably put in more hours than
3:32
Speaker 2: you've ever expected to build up this kind of freelance
3:37
Speaker 2: graphic design portfolio that then you could feel more comfortable
3:42
Speaker 2: going out on your own with or you at least
3:44
Speaker 2: would have the experience and understand the terminology, understand what
3:48
Speaker 2: people are looking for more, just in case you wanted
3:50
Speaker 2: to apply for a job with another business in graphic
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Speaker 2: design specifically. And so I think there's a lot of
3:56
Speaker 2: lessons learned that you could do when you freelance in
3:59
Speaker 2: the evenings that would probably be very helpful for you
4:02
Speaker 2: if you ever want to go into corporate American and
4:03
Speaker 2: do it. And so that's how I would do it.
4:05
Speaker 2: That's how you So you know, I don't know if
4:07
Speaker 2: courage is exactly the right word here. I think it
4:09
Speaker 2: does take courage to try anything on your own, and
4:11
Speaker 2: I think it takes a lot of risk, but I
4:13
Speaker 2: think there's some ways to alleviate the risk and also
4:17
Speaker 2: make it so it isn't so stressful and it isn't
4:19
Speaker 2: so anxiety driven. So maybe courage isn't necessarily the word
4:22
Speaker 2: I would use. I would just say the fortitude to
4:26
Speaker 2: take the step to try to work more hours, to
4:29
Speaker 2: get some experience so that you're more likely to get
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Speaker 2: a job when you do apply.
4:34
Speaker 3: Yeah, totally great advice, Ben.
4:37
Speaker 2: I think you said it first. I just said the
4:38
Speaker 2: same thing you did, just in a different.
4:40
Speaker 3: Way, but in a very much more articular.
4:44
Speaker 2: Dale is up next. He says, I work long hours
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Speaker 2: at my job, and I often find myself bringing work home.
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Speaker 2: My personal life is suffering because of it, and I
4:51
Speaker 2: feel guilty for wanting to take time for myself. How
4:54
Speaker 2: can I set healthy boundaries between work and personal life
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Speaker 2: while still being seen as a committed employee.
5:01
Speaker 3: Well, you go first on this one.
5:03
Speaker 2: There there's a few questions I would ask you. Do
5:04
Speaker 2: you have a family?
5:05
Speaker 3: Yeah, because I was gonna say, I was like, this
5:07
Speaker 3: is very simple. It's like your wife at home, as
5:10
Speaker 3: she annoyed at this, do you have kids that you're
5:13
Speaker 3: not playing with?
5:14
Speaker 2: Well, he doesn't bring up family within this whole conversation.
5:17
Speaker 2: He just says personal life. And I feel like if
5:19
Speaker 2: you had a family, now, a family's different, Dale. I
5:22
Speaker 2: think if you have a family, you have to put
5:24
Speaker 2: your stake in the ground. You have to leave work
5:26
Speaker 2: as often as you can at work. Your family one
5:30
Speaker 2: is about as interested in your work as there probably
5:34
Speaker 2: is interested as anybody, but it's not that interesting to them.
5:36
Speaker 2: They don't want to hear about your struggles. They don't
5:38
Speaker 2: want to hear about all the things you have to
5:41
Speaker 2: do now. They do probably want to sit with you
5:43
Speaker 2: in some of your pains and frustrations at work and say, hey,
5:47
Speaker 2: let me hear it. I want to know where you're
5:48
Speaker 2: at in life. I want to hear more about your job.
5:50
Speaker 2: But there's also a respect factor there where for the
5:53
Speaker 2: next four hours of your evening that you get to
5:55
Speaker 2: spend with your family and kids, they probably don't want
5:58
Speaker 2: to just hear about how your job is so hard
6:01
Speaker 2: or all the struggles. They also want you to stap
6:04
Speaker 2: out of it at some point and just enjoy being home. Now.
6:07
Speaker 2: If you're single, Dale, because that's what I'm assuming you are,
6:12
Speaker 2: then I think there is this as you get older,
6:16
Speaker 2: there is this process of learning how to leave work.
6:19
Speaker 2: At work, you know, you have to start preparing for
6:23
Speaker 2: this next step in your life. And if that is
6:25
Speaker 2: a family, or if you know or if those are
6:28
Speaker 2: building closer friendships. I'm not going to say it happens immediately.
6:31
Speaker 2: I'm not even going to say it happens over the
6:33
Speaker 2: next few years, but over time, you're going to have
6:36
Speaker 2: to continue to find space. And if you're overworked, then
6:40
Speaker 2: here's my advice for you. You have to bring it up
6:43
Speaker 2: to your boss. As somebody that leads a team of
6:47
Speaker 2: you know, twenty employees, I often don't know where they're
6:51
Speaker 2: at mentally. I also don't know where they're at physically,
6:54
Speaker 2: and so I never mind it. And I've never talked
6:57
Speaker 2: to a good manager or a good ex executive who
7:01
Speaker 2: does mind it. When they're employees in a respectful and
7:05
Speaker 2: not a threatening way, say hey, I feel overworked. I
7:09
Speaker 2: feel like my job is requiring more of me than
7:11
Speaker 2: the time and hours I have in the day, and
7:14
Speaker 2: as a result, my personal life is struggling because of it.
7:16
Speaker 2: Is there anything we could do to try to assist
7:20
Speaker 2: in this and allow your manager or the executive at
7:23
Speaker 2: your business to respond, Let them try to problem solve. Really,
7:26
Speaker 2: that's why they're there. You know they don't do We
7:29
Speaker 2: don't as executives, don't do a lot more than manage
7:31
Speaker 2: a team, make sure that our employees are happy, satisfied,
7:35
Speaker 2: and at the right skill set for what we need,
7:38
Speaker 2: while at the same time doing a small little problem
7:40
Speaker 2: solving here and then. But We're really counting on you
7:42
Speaker 2: to express to us what your needs are so that
7:44
Speaker 2: you can be better for the business.
7:46
Speaker 3: And I was just going to add that if taking
7:49
Speaker 3: homework is something that you don't mind, because somehow I
7:52
Speaker 3: feel that a little bit from you and the little
7:55
Speaker 3: that we know, why don't you just do it a
7:58
Speaker 3: couple of days a week, Like you say, okay, well
8:00
Speaker 3: I'll do that on Tuesday or Thursday or Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday,
8:04
Speaker 3: and then I'll make sure that I have my social
8:05
Speaker 3: life on Thursday and Friday. Or you can say like
8:08
Speaker 3: I'll bring home or I'll come home and work for
8:11
Speaker 3: an hour or so on stuff, but then like at
8:15
Speaker 3: a certain time, I'll close the computer.
8:17
Speaker 2: My final piece of advice, and this is more actionable
8:20
Speaker 2: dale would be to get a mentor or a coach
8:26
Speaker 2: to kind of lay all this out with you. There
8:28
Speaker 2: are coaches for all levels of employees, and you could
8:31
Speaker 2: lay out, Hey, here's the things on my on my
8:34
Speaker 2: plate each day, here's the things I need to execute on.
8:37
Speaker 2: Is there any things that you see I'm doing inefficiently
8:40
Speaker 2: that you maybe have some advice on. Is there any
8:43
Speaker 2: space for me to cut some stuff out that maybe
8:47
Speaker 2: aren't necessary for the business. Is there some time that
8:50
Speaker 2: you don't even realize dale you're just scrolling on Instagram
8:52
Speaker 2: or serving the web and you don't even realize how
8:55
Speaker 2: much time that's actually taking up to distract you from
8:57
Speaker 2: the things that you need to get done so that
8:59
Speaker 2: you can go home from work and kind of leave
9:01
Speaker 2: your computer, leave that stuff at work. So maybe a coach,
9:05
Speaker 2: like an actionable coach, could actually be helpful, or a
9:07
Speaker 2: mentor just to sit down with you. Final story is
9:10
Speaker 2: I had an employee two years ago come to me
9:12
Speaker 2: and say they're working super hard and super long hours
9:15
Speaker 2: and they're getting tired. And I said, Okay, here's how
9:17
Speaker 2: you can help me in the next two weeks of
9:20
Speaker 2: your work. I want you to write down all the
9:22
Speaker 2: things you're doing, like when you get something done, if
9:24
Speaker 2: it's emails. I did that for twenty minutes, and then
9:26
Speaker 2: I work on a document for ten minutes. All these things,
9:29
Speaker 2: write them out for me, and then so that I
9:31
Speaker 2: can see what you're working on and I can help
9:33
Speaker 2: cut those things out, or I can maybe hire somebody
9:36
Speaker 2: new on to take over some of the responsibilities that
9:38
Speaker 2: are kind of grouped in the same kind of focus
9:41
Speaker 2: so that you don't have to worry about that anymore. So, Dale,
9:44
Speaker 2: I think laying some of this stuff out, you know,
9:46
Speaker 2: actually for you could be really helpful to cut some
9:49
Speaker 2: things out of your work life so that you can
9:51
Speaker 2: go home and be a better person to your friend's family,
9:53
Speaker 2: whoever it is.
10:05
Speaker 3: Sarah has our next question. She says, I've been using
10:08
Speaker 3: dating apps for several months, but I keep encountering the
10:10
Speaker 3: same issues. Either the chemistry isn't there or the conversations
10:14
Speaker 3: fizzle out quickly. I'm starting to feel discouraged, and I
10:18
Speaker 3: question if online dating is worth it. How can I
10:21
Speaker 3: improve my chances of finding a meaningful connection or should
10:24
Speaker 3: I consider other ways to meet people? Well, Sarah, what
10:26
Speaker 3: I really want to know here is is the chemistry
10:29
Speaker 3: not there via the chat the chat feature on the app?
10:36
Speaker 3: Or is the chemistry not there in person? And it
10:39
Speaker 3: says the conversations fizzle out quickly? Is that again in person?
10:43
Speaker 3: Or is that through the chat feature? Because I am
10:48
Speaker 3: one that's always been very bad at keeping a flirty,
10:53
Speaker 3: romantic kind of like back and forth via text that
10:58
Speaker 3: isn't going. What, however, you act via text message is
11:06
Speaker 3: not a good demonstration of how the chemistry and conversation
11:10
Speaker 3: will be in real life, you're gonna have to go
11:13
Speaker 3: out with these people. But I know what sucks about
11:15
Speaker 3: dating apps is that you feel like you need to
11:18
Speaker 3: woo these people with the written word before you actually
11:21
Speaker 3: get asked out. And so many I feel women, especially especially,
11:27
Speaker 3: get really frustrated with dating apps because it seems like
11:32
Speaker 3: sometimes a mechanism where guys just flirt via text and
11:35
Speaker 3: they don't actually ask women out. So in the case
11:39
Speaker 3: that it's just you feeling discouraged by not getting asked out,
11:46
Speaker 3: you should kind of have a rule with yourself that
11:48
Speaker 3: you go back and forth a few times. If the
11:51
Speaker 3: guy doesn't initiate an actual in person date, then you
11:55
Speaker 3: say forget him. Or or if you are the kind
11:59
Speaker 3: of person that wants to be bold and you seem
12:01
Speaker 3: very interested in this particular person you're talking to, you
12:04
Speaker 3: can be the one that puts the plan out there
12:06
Speaker 3: and if they don't, if they're not corrective about it,
12:10
Speaker 3: then you then you say forget about it.
12:14
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean, I think Ashley is right. I would
12:16
Speaker 2: just add into this too. Part of dating I think
12:21
Speaker 2: is giving up our pride, and I think something helpful
12:26
Speaker 2: here Sarah could be if you have a trusted friend,
12:29
Speaker 2: like your best friend or your mom, or your sister
12:31
Speaker 2: or whoever you like really trust to be vulnerable around
12:34
Speaker 2: and to kind of lay your pride down around to
12:37
Speaker 2: ask them to kind of look through some of these
12:39
Speaker 2: conversations that you're having and see if maybe they're reading
12:44
Speaker 2: it differently than how you mean to be saying it.
12:47
Speaker 2: I had to do that a few years ago actually
12:49
Speaker 2: with my text messages. I was texting thinking they're coming
12:53
Speaker 2: off a certain way, you know, because I know what
12:56
Speaker 2: I meant for them to say, kind of like emails,
12:58
Speaker 2: sometimes it's hard to read the intent behind it email
13:00
Speaker 2: or a text, and people were reading them and taking
13:03
Speaker 2: them different than how I was like meaning them to
13:06
Speaker 2: be taken, and as a result, there's a lot of
13:09
Speaker 2: miscommunication going on.
13:11
Speaker 3: I have a friend that tells me all the time
13:13
Speaker 3: that my texts are short and they don't and they
13:15
Speaker 3: feel cold, Whereas I'm like, you know, I'm just I
13:19
Speaker 3: just don't feel like like texting is just not the
13:21
Speaker 3: kind of communication that well maybe they are very much
13:24
Speaker 3: preferred to talk in person. Well they might be short,
13:27
Speaker 3: they can be short, but I don't like overdo it.
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Speaker 3: With warmth.
13:31
Speaker 2: I'm just saying there could be a benefit here for
13:33
Speaker 2: Sarah to have a next a new iy, a trusted
13:36
Speaker 2: eye look at these conversations and say, yeah, right here,
13:38
Speaker 2: it sounds like you're done with this conversation. So the
13:41
Speaker 2: person stopped responding, but and she and Sarah's going, I
13:44
Speaker 2: wasn't done yet, and they're going, But that's how it's
13:47
Speaker 2: I'm reading it. That's how I'm seeing it, So be
13:50
Speaker 2: you know, then you can start to get you know,
13:51
Speaker 2: learn new skills in communication or things you shouldn't be saying,
13:55
Speaker 2: or or things that you might be saying that are
13:57
Speaker 2: kind of making the person that you're trying to flirt
14:00
Speaker 2: with less interested that you could probably change and so
14:04
Speaker 2: having a different eye on it could be helpful.
14:06
Speaker 3: That's my point, Ben, That is an awesome point.
14:10
Speaker 2: So it's just that's hard to do because it's hard
14:12
Speaker 2: to go to a friend, family member, etc. And be like, hey,
14:14
Speaker 2: by the way, I don't think i'm good at this.
14:16
Speaker 2: Can you help me? However, I do think there's a
14:18
Speaker 2: benefit in it, and I imagine there's people in your
14:20
Speaker 2: life that would love to sit in that with you.
14:23
Speaker 2: Final question Ashley is from Emily Emily says, I need
14:27
Speaker 2: help balancing and managing expectations. I recently started dating someone
14:31
Speaker 2: who I think has a lot of potential, but I
14:33
Speaker 2: can't shake the feeling that I'm expecting too much too soon.
14:37
Speaker 2: We've been on a few great dates, but I worry
14:40
Speaker 2: that I might be projecting my ideal partner onto them.
14:43
Speaker 2: How can I balance my expectations while still being open
14:46
Speaker 2: to where this relationship might go.
14:49
Speaker 3: This one is for you, Ben, because I feel like
14:52
Speaker 3: I'm the one who would always do this. Really, I
14:54
Speaker 3: would definitely dream somebody up, like if I liked them
14:58
Speaker 3: at the beginning, I would probably idealize them and like
15:04
Speaker 3: I could fall in love in my head with with
15:08
Speaker 3: just knowing a few traits.
15:10
Speaker 2: Yeah. I think I've admitted on the podcast that I've oftentimes,
15:13
Speaker 2: especially when I was younger, did this in friendships. I
15:16
Speaker 2: felt closer to pe I thought we were. I was
15:18
Speaker 2: closer to people than I think they thought we were,
15:21
Speaker 2: and so I, you know, would lean on these friendships
15:25
Speaker 2: or expect stuff out of these friendships that maybe they
15:27
Speaker 2: weren't even realizing that they that we were that close.
15:31
Speaker 3: I feel like that's an only child thing. Then they
15:34
Speaker 3: were leaning on people because you needed someone.
15:37
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm lonely, so lonely I think that. I think, honestly,
15:42
Speaker 2: it's probably does come from that I always expected people
15:44
Speaker 2: to like me. And when I felt, you know, for
15:46
Speaker 2: the first time, which I wrote about my book Alone
15:48
Speaker 2: and Plaints, I when I felt for the first time
15:50
Speaker 2: that rejection or that I maybe didn't have the close
15:52
Speaker 2: friends that I thought I had, then it was a
15:55
Speaker 2: realization to me that, you know what, I needed to
15:59
Speaker 2: maybe part take a little bit more in these friendships,
16:01
Speaker 2: or put a little more into these friendships, or just
16:03
Speaker 2: have different expectations for friendships. And so as I read
16:06
Speaker 2: Emily's I kind of go back to my own experience
16:09
Speaker 2: and say, I get it. This isn't something that is
16:12
Speaker 2: abnormal to you, Emily, this is very common with a
16:15
Speaker 2: lot of people. I think here, I think, here is
16:18
Speaker 2: the only message I would send to you. I don't
16:20
Speaker 2: actually think it's bad for you to have certain expectations
16:24
Speaker 2: for certain people in your life. I do, though, think
16:28
Speaker 2: it's bad when you hold too tightly to what an
16:30
Speaker 2: ideal partner will look like or will function like. Because
16:34
Speaker 2: here's the truth. We're all human, and so we have
16:36
Speaker 2: good days and we have bad days. We say the
16:38
Speaker 2: right same thing, sometimes we say the wrong thing. Sometimes
16:41
Speaker 2: we match your enthusiasms. Sometimes we also fail at matching
16:45
Speaker 2: your enthusiasms. Sometimes that's the human experience. And so I
16:48
Speaker 2: think you need to do is not change your expectations,
16:53
Speaker 2: but start to become more curious about what the who
16:56
Speaker 2: the person actually is, because who the person is inside,
17:00
Speaker 2: what they represent, what they care about, how they treat you,
17:03
Speaker 2: how they care about you, how they care about progressing
17:05
Speaker 2: this relationship is more important to me than this ideal
17:10
Speaker 2: or this idea that you have in your head that
17:13
Speaker 2: probably will never be satisfied. I think this is something
17:16
Speaker 2: that's happened many times with many of people I know,
17:18
Speaker 2: in myself included, is you build these ideals and then
17:21
Speaker 2: as soon as one of those ideals isn't met, then
17:24
Speaker 2: you see it as a red flag. Now it could
17:26
Speaker 2: be a red flag, but is it just something that's
17:29
Speaker 2: happening in their life, because maybe they're not feeling a
17:32
Speaker 2: certain way, and you can start to become more curious
17:34
Speaker 2: about what makes them function, what makes them go, what
17:37
Speaker 2: they're looking for. That's the exciting part about relationships, and
17:40
Speaker 2: is when you drop down your ideals and you start
17:43
Speaker 2: to become more curious about the relationship.
17:46
Speaker 3: Two things to add I think I used to do
17:50
Speaker 3: this because I used to never crush on someone. L
17:52
Speaker 3: I go on dates and just like, oh they like me.
17:55
Speaker 3: I don't really like like, I just so rarely crushed
17:58
Speaker 3: that when I did get the feeling, it was like,
18:02
Speaker 3: oh my god, this is the most exhilarating thing in
18:04
Speaker 3: the entire world. And then you do ignore those red flags. Then,
18:11
Speaker 3: speaking of the red flags when they do come up,
18:14
Speaker 3: if they do and you have doubts, don't push away
18:19
Speaker 3: the doubts just because you already built up this dream
18:22
Speaker 3: around this person. Because I used to do this too,
18:25
Speaker 3: Like I would see these things or like feel like,
18:27
Speaker 3: oh man, it's actually not like so dreamy, it's not
18:31
Speaker 3: like that conversation or just like the vibes around him
18:35
Speaker 3: in that day weren't as great as they like I
18:38
Speaker 3: wanted them to be. That would leave and try to
18:41
Speaker 3: convince myself that they were, because like I had already
18:44
Speaker 3: built up this idea that he was like the perfect match, right, so,
18:53
Speaker 3: and then like you don't even have like the brain
18:55
Speaker 3: because like you're so into the idea of this person
18:58
Speaker 3: being right for you. You kind of you know, you ignore
19:03
Speaker 3: that for so long and then like, only when it's
19:07
Speaker 3: over can you be like, Okay, well, I guess I
19:09
Speaker 3: can admit to myself it wasn't perfect. Then. Just what
19:12
Speaker 3: I'm saying is, if there are red flags, try not
19:17
Speaker 3: to try not to ignore them. It's like you're not
19:20
Speaker 3: feeling one hundred percent on something. Just be like, Okay,
19:25
Speaker 3: it's just not a dream. It's not a dream situation.
19:28
Speaker 3: Does that make sense? Some sense at all?
19:31
Speaker 2: A little bit.
19:31
Speaker 3: I guess I'm maybe thinking about like one one example
19:35
Speaker 3: in my life too much.
19:37
Speaker 2: I think this. Actually, I think you and I do
19:40
Speaker 2: two different ways of processing. You process very quickly, usually
19:44
Speaker 2: out loud, and it's kind of not a spiral, but
19:47
Speaker 2: it's a little chaotic, but you always get to that.
19:50
Speaker 2: It's you get to the solution like you, just like
19:53
Speaker 2: you do you What you just said is kind of
19:55
Speaker 2: how you process. It's like a thousand things going on,
19:57
Speaker 2: and then all of a sudden you're like, and that's
19:59
Speaker 2: that's the way it is, and then you're good and
20:01
Speaker 2: it works and it works for you perfectly. I'm more
20:04
Speaker 2: of a quiet processor, right. I let these thoughts wash
20:07
Speaker 2: over me. I kind of think through them. I investigate them.
20:10
Speaker 2: I don't say them out loud until I feel like, Okay,
20:13
Speaker 2: I get it. I got it. Two different ways of
20:15
Speaker 2: doing it, both right in their own respective ways.
20:18
Speaker 3: No, yours sounds your sounds so much better.
20:21
Speaker 2: No, I think mine sounds like you know, I just
20:25
Speaker 2: let these things kind of come through me, And I
20:27
Speaker 2: think a mix of the two are very helpful. Right
20:30
Speaker 2: processing it out loud with friends or family, or even
20:33
Speaker 2: if you just say it out loud to yourself, like
20:35
Speaker 2: I know that sounds weird, Talk to yourself a bit,
20:37
Speaker 2: say the things that you're thinking out loud, put words
20:40
Speaker 2: to them, and just see how they sound to you,
20:42
Speaker 2: even as you're listening to yourself talk, or maybe just
20:46
Speaker 2: let these things process internally. Come to some conclusion on Hey, yeah,
20:50
Speaker 2: that was weird that they did this. That felt off
20:53
Speaker 2: to me, that made me unattracted to them for a
20:55
Speaker 2: period of time. Why did it make it? Why was
20:59
Speaker 2: I so thrown off by that? Is this something that
21:01
Speaker 2: is a non negotiable to me? Is this a really
21:03
Speaker 2: big deal to me? Or am I overreacting and I'm
21:07
Speaker 2: looking for signs that you know are going to push
21:11
Speaker 2: me away? Am I trying to get out of this thing?
21:14
Speaker 2: And then the next question would be why are you
21:16
Speaker 2: trying to get out of it? Are you not that
21:17
Speaker 2: interested in it? Do you not want a relationship? Are
21:19
Speaker 2: you not curious? Like all these things can start and
21:21
Speaker 2: then you can start to get to a path and
21:23
Speaker 2: being like, no, you know what, maybe I do want
21:26
Speaker 2: a relationship, and maybe I'm not going to let this
21:28
Speaker 2: thing push me away like I have so many other times,
21:30
Speaker 2: because this isn't a non negotiable to me. I do
21:33
Speaker 2: care about this person. Now I'm learning how to not
21:37
Speaker 2: just forgive and forget, but I'm learning how to compromise
21:40
Speaker 2: in a relationship. That's a big step.
21:42
Speaker 3: Yeah, just don't put somebody on a pedestal until you
21:45
Speaker 3: know them well enough and you accept that you know
21:49
Speaker 3: them and not your dream version of them.
21:52
Speaker 2: Yeah, come on, nobody's going to match the dream.
21:54
Speaker 3: That was a better put. You did great, just said
21:57
Speaker 3: it like that.
21:57
Speaker 2: And when you said it out loud, and then we
21:59
Speaker 2: put this together, figured it out, it's all great. Uh.
22:01
Speaker 2: That's another episode of almost good advice. Hopefully we shared
22:05
Speaker 2: some almost good advice with all of you. Please continue
22:08
Speaker 2: to write us in with any of your questions, concerns,
22:10
Speaker 2: life moments, life questions. We're here to walk through them
22:14
Speaker 2: with you, to process out loud, maybe for you, so
22:16
Speaker 2: that we can be the voice or the put words
22:19
Speaker 2: to the questions that you have. So until next time,
22:22
Speaker 2: I've been Ben.
22:23
Speaker 3: I've been Ashley. See ya.
22:25
Speaker 1: Follow the Ben and Ashley I Almost Famous podcasts on
22:28
Speaker 1: iHeartRadio or subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts