Latest / I Do, Part 2 / Brian Austin Green Has Dating Advice For Amanda Kloots AND You!

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Brian Austin Green Has Dating Advice For Amanda Kloots AND You! · I Do, Part 2

• 0:09
  Speaker 1: Hi, everybody, welcome back to I Do Part two. This
• 0:17
  Speaker 1: is part two of my sit down and interview with
• 0:20
  Speaker 1: Amanda Klutz, who has been incredible and incredibly insightful and
• 0:25
  Speaker 1: I hope helpful for all of you.
• 0:27
  Speaker 2: So let's jump back into it.
• 0:29
  Speaker 3: What was it like for Sharna coming into that, not
• 0:33
  Speaker 3: like being not having kids and being like now the
• 0:40
  Speaker 3: not stepmom right.
• 0:41
  Speaker 4: Away, but like, what was your intro with that with her?
• 0:45
  Speaker 4: And how did she It was.
• 0:47
  Speaker 2: Really interesting with Sharna.
• 0:49
  Speaker 1: She she had one of those vision boards.
• 0:54
  Speaker 2: You know what those are?
• 0:54
  Speaker 4: I have so many. I have like five in mouse.
• 0:57
  Speaker 2: Okay, so there you go.
• 0:58
  Speaker 1: So she had a vision board and she literally so
• 1:01
  Speaker 1: she when I met her, she owned a home up Beechwood.
• 1:07
  Speaker 1: She had two dogs, this like tiny little two bedroom.
• 1:10
  Speaker 2: House, yeah, great view, and it was her and her dogs.
• 1:14
  Speaker 1: And she would every day she'd go work out and
• 1:16
  Speaker 1: she'd jog in the hills, like she had this very
• 1:19
  Speaker 1: simple routine.
• 1:19
  Speaker 2: But her vision board told a very different story.
• 1:22
  Speaker 1: Interesting her vision board, she had silhouettes of like a
• 1:26
  Speaker 1: family of like a mother and father and a bunch
• 1:29
  Speaker 1: of kids, all holding hands and looking at things like
• 1:32
  Speaker 1: she had all of these things that she really wanted,
• 1:35
  Speaker 1: but she started getting to that age in her life
• 1:37
  Speaker 1: where she was like, how am I going to have
• 1:39
  Speaker 1: a big, a big family coming up on forty years old?
• 1:43
  Speaker 2: Like this is this is out of reach for me.
• 1:46
  Speaker 1: So when we ended up starting to date, it was
• 1:52
  Speaker 1: this very cool experience for her because the puzzle pieces
• 1:58
  Speaker 1: started fitting and she was like, oh my god, this
• 2:03
  Speaker 1: is the big family that was on my vision board.
• 2:07
  Speaker 1: And then I early on we talked about that she
• 2:12
  Speaker 1: really wanted to have a child of her own at
• 2:15
  Speaker 1: some point, and I said to her, I was like,
• 2:17
  Speaker 1: I'm not ready yet, but I don't want you to
• 2:21
  Speaker 1: think that you're wasting your time dating me, Like I
• 2:24
  Speaker 1: understand the value of that, and that is never that
• 2:28
  Speaker 1: is not something that I would deny you having in
• 2:31
  Speaker 1: this relationship. It's not again, it's not something I want
• 2:34
  Speaker 1: right now. Yeah, but I you know, because she was
• 2:37
  Speaker 1: in that.
• 2:37
  Speaker 4: Place yeah yeah, okay.
• 2:43
  Speaker 2: And I slid a baby and she.
• 2:48
  Speaker 1: You know, she was just in this place of like
• 2:51
  Speaker 1: she was like this, I really like spending time with
• 2:54
  Speaker 1: you and being around you, but I don't want to
• 2:57
  Speaker 1: commit any more of myself to this if this, if
• 3:00
  Speaker 1: you don't want this experience again and I said, no,
• 3:04
  Speaker 1: I don't want you to think that way. I would
• 3:06
  Speaker 1: absolutely do that because I think if I'm in a
• 3:11
  Speaker 1: relationship and I care about the person that I'm with,
• 3:13
  Speaker 1: which I obviously cared about her pretty early on, I
• 3:18
  Speaker 1: was like, this is there's nothing cooler than this experience
• 3:22
  Speaker 1: than being a parent, having your own child and like
• 3:26
  Speaker 1: holding a baby and it being a part of you.
• 3:28
  Speaker 1: And there's something too that I have friends that are
• 3:31
  Speaker 1: like that have step kids and they're like, oh, this
• 3:33
  Speaker 1: parenting thing is really hard, and I'm like, dude, stop,
• 3:35
  Speaker 1: you have no idea. You don't and then they'll have
• 3:39
  Speaker 1: kids and all of a sudden they're like, oh, you
• 3:41
  Speaker 1: were absolutely right. I had no idea. And it's like, yeah,
• 3:44
  Speaker 1: you can't. Until you have a child. You can't explain
• 3:47
  Speaker 1: to somebody what that experience is like. It opens up
• 3:51
  Speaker 1: a part of you that you didn't know existed, and
• 3:54
  Speaker 1: you see the world in a completely different way.
• 3:56
  Speaker 4: Yeah, beautiful.
• 3:58
  Speaker 3: Did your for your old have any or any of
• 4:02
  Speaker 3: your children have any like weirdness about you dating again? No? Surprisingly,
• 4:09
  Speaker 3: I Elvis is like really, oh he's like the policeman
• 4:14
  Speaker 3: at the front door.
• 4:15
  Speaker 2: Is he really? Oh?
• 4:16
  Speaker 4: Yeah?
• 4:18
  Speaker 2: Really? Yeah?
• 4:20
  Speaker 4: So you had no no problems there.
• 4:22
  Speaker 1: They were like yay, how yeah they were they were yay.
• 4:26
  Speaker 1: But so I was really fortunate though, I think in
• 4:29
  Speaker 1: that my ex was already dating somebody. Oh so it
• 4:35
  Speaker 1: was kind of like you can't just be the poor
• 4:38
  Speaker 1: person that's like alone, you know, come on, dad.
• 4:41
  Speaker 2: And then Sharna was great.
• 4:43
  Speaker 1: Sharna like we were very we were very protective in
• 4:47
  Speaker 1: the way that we did it. We were really fortunate
• 4:49
  Speaker 1: that she had two small dogs.
• 4:51
  Speaker 4: Oh yeah, because.
• 4:52
  Speaker 1: There's nothing that kids want more than to have little
• 4:55
  Speaker 1: dogs around them. So I remember at one point when
• 4:58
  Speaker 1: they were like, hey, so and the dog sleep over
• 5:01
  Speaker 1: at our house, and I was like, well, you know,
• 5:04
  Speaker 1: if they do, Sharna does. But it was a great inn.
• 5:07
  Speaker 1: It was perfect, and she was fantastic with them, Like
• 5:13
  Speaker 1: she would get down on the floor and play with
• 5:15
  Speaker 1: them and color with them, and she always had things
• 5:18
  Speaker 1: so when they would come and visit at her place,
• 5:21
  Speaker 1: there was stuff to do. Like she was just very
• 5:23
  Speaker 1: kid friendly and she was She's an incredibly friendly person.
• 5:28
  Speaker 4: Anyway, yours did she grow up with family?
• 5:31
  Speaker 1: So she has an older brother from her dad's previous relationship.
• 5:37
  Speaker 1: She's an only.
• 5:38
  Speaker 2: Child with her mom. Okay, okay, which is the same
• 5:41
  Speaker 2: as me.
• 5:43
  Speaker 1: I have an older brother and an older sister, but
• 5:45
  Speaker 1: they're from my mom's previous marriage.
• 5:46
  Speaker 2: Okay, so I'm an only child with my dad.
• 5:49
  Speaker 4: You're an only child with your dad. When did your
• 5:50
  Speaker 4: parents get divorced? How old were you?
• 5:52
  Speaker 2: My parents are still together?
• 5:53
  Speaker 4: They're still together.
• 5:55
  Speaker 3: Oh, your parents are still together, but your mom was
• 5:57
  Speaker 3: married before got it?
• 5:59
  Speaker 2: Okay?
• 5:59
  Speaker 3: Yeah?
• 6:00
  Speaker 4: And how long have your parents been together?
• 6:02
  Speaker 3: Ben?
• 6:02
  Speaker 1: Now?
• 6:02
  Speaker 2: Fifty three years?
• 6:04
  Speaker 3: She do you feel like because I in hearing you
• 6:07
  Speaker 3: talk and like, I've always thought this about you, but
• 6:09
  Speaker 3: like you are a very like evolved good like you
• 6:13
  Speaker 3: have a lot of good moral like like compass.
• 6:21
  Speaker 4: I do you think that's because of your mom and dad?
• 6:23
  Speaker 1: I it, Well, for sure it is, But I mean
• 6:25
  Speaker 1: I think I also just innately have that's been a
• 6:29
  Speaker 1: part of me, Like you know, having Elvis, Elvis is
• 6:34
  Speaker 1: who he is, Like you can motivate him of like, oh,
• 6:39
  Speaker 1: I really love dancing.
• 6:40
  Speaker 2: Hey, you want to try a dance?
• 6:42
  Speaker 1: Like you try and find these things that you might
• 6:44
  Speaker 1: have in common, these passions.
• 6:45
  Speaker 2: Yeah, but he's going to have his own pet.
• 6:48
  Speaker 1: I with the five kids, they could not be more different.
• 6:51
  Speaker 1: And I raised them pretty much the same. Yeah, I
• 6:53
  Speaker 1: mean they're I've had the same moral compass through all
• 6:56
  Speaker 1: of it. Yeah, they are completely different individuals. So now
• 7:01
  Speaker 1: I've really realized that, like, my job as a parent
• 7:04
  Speaker 1: is to raise them morally, make.
• 7:07
  Speaker 2: Sure that they're good people. I don't care what you
• 7:09
  Speaker 2: do to be a good person, what you're doing.
• 7:11
  Speaker 1: If you're a painter, just be a good painters.
• 7:17
  Speaker 2: While you're painting a picture for somebody.
• 7:19
  Speaker 4: Else, Isn't that funny?
• 7:20
  Speaker 3: My big thing with Elvis right now is just be
• 7:23
  Speaker 3: a kind person, a nice guy.
• 7:25
  Speaker 4: I always say, like, just be a nice guy. Nobody
• 7:28
  Speaker 4: likes a mean guy. Be a nice guy.
• 7:29
  Speaker 1: Do you because you have such a strong moral compass,
• 7:32
  Speaker 1: do you feel like that has been something that has
• 7:37
  Speaker 1: gotten in the way a little bit in dating since Nick?
• 7:41
  Speaker 1: Do you feel like there is a bit of a
• 7:44
  Speaker 1: like a bit of a responsibility or a thing in
• 7:47
  Speaker 1: your head of like, oh.
• 7:49
  Speaker 2: My god, he's he's watching.
• 7:51
  Speaker 1: Right now and Elvis is here, and like, I, you know,
• 7:54
  Speaker 1: am I doing the wrong thing?
• 7:58
  Speaker 2: In the like?
• 7:58
  Speaker 1: Do you feel like you're a little more critical of
• 8:00
  Speaker 1: yourself because of that?
• 8:04
  Speaker 3: Okay, so in a weird way, and I know this
• 8:06
  Speaker 3: is going to sound a little crazy, but I feel
• 8:09
  Speaker 3: like Nick and I are closer now than we ever
• 8:14
  Speaker 3: were when he was on earth. I feel like our
• 8:18
  Speaker 3: spiritual connection is insane, and I feel like he is
• 8:25
  Speaker 3: around us and helping us all the time, and it's
• 8:29
  Speaker 3: like really kind of beautiful, and I can reach out
• 8:33
  Speaker 3: to him and ask for his help and advice and
• 8:35
  Speaker 3: it happens.
• 8:36
  Speaker 4: It's it's very cool and crazy.
• 8:38
  Speaker 2: That's not like, that's not crazy.
• 8:41
  Speaker 3: I don't Yeah, I say crazy, but I don't think
• 8:44
  Speaker 3: it's crazy. But I'm sure other people are like, how
• 8:46
  Speaker 3: is that possible? But it has been possible for us,
• 8:50
  Speaker 3: and I I would say the only moral compass in
• 8:55
  Speaker 3: dating with me has been like in this city, it's
• 8:58
  Speaker 3: like you start dating somebody and then you realize that
• 9:02
  Speaker 3: guy is also dating for other women at the same time,
• 9:06
  Speaker 3: and so then you're like, that's been my moral compass
• 9:09
  Speaker 3: of like wait when you find that out and you're like, what,
• 9:12
  Speaker 3: like how like can you not just like put effort
• 9:16
  Speaker 3: into just me, like really like you know, And that
• 9:19
  Speaker 3: took me a minute to like, you know, it's like
• 9:22
  Speaker 3: short circuits because it's just not how I think.
• 9:27
  Speaker 1: Or dated before. Though you know what you're describing is
• 9:32
  Speaker 1: a normal part of dating. Like dating, unfortunately, there are
• 9:37
  Speaker 1: the pitfalls in it, there are the stumbles.
• 9:39
  Speaker 2: They are the things that you learn from.
• 9:41
  Speaker 1: Like it is, it's a process, and you you.
• 9:45
  Speaker 2: Were lucky enough to just skip that process.
• 9:49
  Speaker 3: I mean, but I don't know if I was, to
• 9:51
  Speaker 3: be honest, like, although in a weird way, I do
• 9:55
  Speaker 3: love that at you know, forty went well, not then,
• 9:59
  Speaker 3: because I do I didn't know who I was.
• 10:01
  Speaker 4: I know who I am now.
• 10:02
  Speaker 3: I know what I need now, and I'm very proud
• 10:05
  Speaker 3: of that, and that's been the journey that I've taken
• 10:08
  Speaker 3: with therapy and dating and learning. But like I didn't,
• 10:12
  Speaker 3: I didn't know what I needed, and I can't imagine
• 10:15
  Speaker 3: that at twenty or thirty I knew what I needed either,
• 10:18
  Speaker 3: you know what I mean. And also what I need
• 10:20
  Speaker 3: now is completely different being a mother and doing, you know,
• 10:25
  Speaker 3: saying all the things that I told you in the beginning.
• 10:27
  Speaker 3: So it is funny how like as you grow you
• 10:30
  Speaker 3: do need different things. And I'm sure dating at my
• 10:34
  Speaker 3: twenties probably would have been a whole different thing and
• 10:36
  Speaker 3: would have been very fun. But it's I think right
• 10:40
  Speaker 3: now for me, it's like if I go on a date,
• 10:44
  Speaker 3: first of all, I'm paying to be there.
• 10:46
  Speaker 4: I'm paying.
• 10:47
  Speaker 3: I went on a date recently and it was going
• 10:50
  Speaker 3: so bad that I said to him, I was like,
• 10:52
  Speaker 3: you realize I'm paying to be here right now. And
• 10:54
  Speaker 3: he looked at me like a confused and I go,
• 10:57
  Speaker 3: I don't have somebody that takes my kid and I
• 11:00
  Speaker 3: have five days off my kids with me all the time.
• 11:05
  Speaker 3: I'm paying one hundred dollars to sit with you and
• 11:08
  Speaker 3: have this glass of wine right now. And you saw,
• 11:11
  Speaker 3: I saw his whole face like completely changed. I was like, yeah,
• 11:15
  Speaker 3: so wear a nicer outfit, act like you can care
• 11:19
  Speaker 3: and talk to me about fun things, because otherwise, why
• 11:23
  Speaker 3: am I wasting my time? And it is like it
• 11:26
  Speaker 3: is a waste of my time. And you know how
• 11:30
  Speaker 3: hard it is for a woman. I have to do
• 11:32
  Speaker 3: my hair, put my makeup on, I find a cute outfit.
• 11:35
  Speaker 4: I usually get a new outfit.
• 11:36
  Speaker 3: I get it and I say, you know, because you know,
• 11:42
  Speaker 3: I know Sharna takes a lot of you know, pride
• 11:45
  Speaker 3: and how she looks and what she how she dresses,
• 11:47
  Speaker 3: and it's the same like we put a lot of
• 11:50
  Speaker 3: effort even just to go get a cup of coffee
• 11:53
  Speaker 3: with a.
• 11:54
  Speaker 4: Guy takes me.
• 11:55
  Speaker 3: You know, I'm thinking about it and then I'm paying
• 11:59
  Speaker 3: for it. So now I go on, I really wigh
• 12:03
  Speaker 3: going on a date. Now, I'm like, is it gonna
• 12:05
  Speaker 3: be worth my time?
• 12:06
  Speaker 2: Are you?
• 12:07
  Speaker 4: Are you seeing for other ways?
• 12:08
  Speaker 2: Do you feel like it makes you almost too critical?
• 12:11
  Speaker 3: Though?
• 12:12
  Speaker 4: Possibly?
• 12:12
  Speaker 3: Yeah, yes, one hundred percent. Yeah, it's it's this is
• 12:16
  Speaker 3: where the balance is so hard. So a lot of
• 12:19
  Speaker 3: times then I'll be like, first date is during the
• 12:21
  Speaker 3: day when I have Elvis at school or with his manny,
• 12:24
  Speaker 3: so that I don't have to pay extra for sure,
• 12:27
  Speaker 3: if you make it well and that makes that makes.
• 12:30
  Speaker 1: Perfect sense, Like I don't. I completely agree when again,
• 12:36
  Speaker 1: Sharna and I we had coffee.
• 12:37
  Speaker 2: Yeah, we had breakfast, breakfast, we had lunch at a restaurant.
• 12:41
  Speaker 1: Like we didn't do a nighttime date until we were
• 12:44
  Speaker 1: actually dating. Yeah, it's like, yeah, we should probably go
• 12:48
  Speaker 1: to a restaurant. Like once the sun goes down, this
• 12:50
  Speaker 1: would be nice because I forgot what it looked like
• 12:53
  Speaker 1: with lights on outside. I was I was so used
• 12:56
  Speaker 1: to falling asleep when the sun's going down, when the
• 12:59
  Speaker 1: kids are falling asleep because we have school the next day. Yeah,
• 13:02
  Speaker 1: so there's you know, I think putting things on it
• 13:06
  Speaker 1: that way, figuring out ways where it doesn't cost you
• 13:09
  Speaker 1: so you can maybe date a little.
• 13:12
  Speaker 4: Free more casually, Yeah, and not put.
• 13:15
  Speaker 1: So much pressure on it and not be like, look
• 13:17
  Speaker 1: at all the work that I had to do because
• 13:19
  Speaker 1: this is a nighttime kind of thing, and I got
• 13:21
  Speaker 1: dressed up and I did the thing instead.
• 13:25
  Speaker 3: And this is where I get selfish. And I'm going
• 13:27
  Speaker 3: to say I get selfish, but like, my days are precious.
• 13:31
  Speaker 3: It's the hours that I have to myself. I'm doing
• 13:34
  Speaker 3: I'm definitely doing a workout, you know, I love to
• 13:36
  Speaker 3: do a workout. I'm doing stuff for all the crazy
• 13:39
  Speaker 3: businesses that I haven't do. So like again, even a
• 13:43
  Speaker 3: day date is like, okay, we'll all fit it in
• 13:46
  Speaker 3: in this hour, and then it just feels like you're
• 13:48
  Speaker 3: fitting it in. But then it's like if you don't try, obviously,
• 13:53
  Speaker 3: it's you're never then I am going to be sitting
• 13:56
  Speaker 3: on the couch alone at night for the rest of
• 13:57
  Speaker 3: my life.
• 13:58
  Speaker 4: So like, you have to try.
• 13:59
  Speaker 3: So it is this hard tight rope that you have
• 14:04
  Speaker 3: to walk and learn. And you know, listen, I hate
• 14:10
  Speaker 3: saying things are hard. I I don't even say that
• 14:13
  Speaker 3: word anymore because I just think it's like such a negative,
• 14:16
  Speaker 3: you know, connotation. It's just it's a balance and it's
• 14:19
  Speaker 3: very nuanced. And you know what I have to tell you.
• 14:23
  Speaker 3: My brother he comes to visit me a lot. He
• 14:25
  Speaker 3: lives in San Francisco, and the last time.
• 14:28
  Speaker 1: He's the one you were saying, Elvis is really close
• 14:30
  Speaker 1: to really special relationship.
• 14:32
  Speaker 3: Yes, And in fact, we called up Uncle Todd last weekend.
• 14:37
  Speaker 2: Because adult Todd. I remember that name.
• 14:39
  Speaker 3: Uncle todis before called uncle Todd because we were talking.
• 14:45
  Speaker 3: Elvis and I were having like a really good conversation
• 14:48
  Speaker 3: about mom and dating and like letting somebody into our
• 14:53
  Speaker 3: lives because I told you he's the policeman at the door.
• 14:56
  Speaker 3: And I was like, let's call up uncle Todd to
• 14:59
  Speaker 3: see like how Uncle Todd can help us with this conversation.
• 15:03
  Speaker 4: And he did.
• 15:03
  Speaker 3: He was such a good, like voice of reason. But
• 15:05
  Speaker 3: because my brother comes down a lot and he's been
• 15:08
  Speaker 3: married now for almost fifteen years, I think to his
• 15:12
  Speaker 3: wife he left and he's like, man's because that's what
• 15:16
  Speaker 3: he calls me.
• 15:16
  Speaker 4: He was like, he's like, I feel for you.
• 15:20
  Speaker 3: He was like this is what you have to do
• 15:23
  Speaker 3: is so nuanced, it's so layered.
• 15:25
  Speaker 1: Yeah, how is dating with Elvis? Like, how how does
• 15:39
  Speaker 1: he feel about it?
• 15:40
  Speaker 4: It's very tough.
• 15:42
  Speaker 3: What I see the pattern is typically if I decide
• 15:46
  Speaker 3: to bring somebody I'm dating into Elvis and I's world,
• 15:50
  Speaker 3: At first, he's like obsessed with the guy.
• 15:53
  Speaker 4: And he and he, and I'm like, oh my god,
• 15:58
  Speaker 4: this is.
• 15:58
  Speaker 2: This is green, it's working. Can't get so cute.
• 16:01
  Speaker 3: And then the second he clocks that the guy is
• 16:04
  Speaker 3: not there for him, that the guy is there because
• 16:07
  Speaker 3: he likes Mom, he does this turn and he starts
• 16:13
  Speaker 3: to say how he doesn't like the guy anymore. And
• 16:17
  Speaker 3: what I've now deduced from because now Elvis is in
• 16:21
  Speaker 3: therapy and I'm in therapy, and what I've figured out
• 16:27
  Speaker 3: is that he turns it in my What I think
• 16:29
  Speaker 3: he's doing is that he turns it because in his
• 16:32
  Speaker 3: little brain. And then this is you know, it's so
• 16:34
  Speaker 3: sad to think about. If he tells Mom, I really
• 16:38
  Speaker 3: liked that guy, then that means that guy is going
• 16:41
  Speaker 3: to be around more. Then he's going to have to
• 16:43
  Speaker 3: share the time that he normally.
• 16:45
  Speaker 2: Has with Mom.
• 16:46
  Speaker 1: Me.
• 16:47
  Speaker 3: Yeah, and then his biggest for me, and then he
• 16:50
  Speaker 3: told me his biggest fear, and this he recently confessed,
• 16:54
  Speaker 3: is that I'll love somebody more than him.
• 16:57
  Speaker 4: So that's what I'm dealing with.
• 16:59
  Speaker 3: And it doesn't matter how many times I tell Elvis, Elvis, you,
• 17:04
  Speaker 3: I will never love anyone.
• 17:06
  Speaker 4: The way I love you.
• 17:07
  Speaker 3: It is a completely different love, like buddy, Like, there's
• 17:11
  Speaker 3: no like nobody, Like I can't even walk down the
• 17:14
  Speaker 3: street and be like, oh my gosh, what a cute
• 17:16
  Speaker 3: little girl. He slaps me and he's like, I'm cute, Like,
• 17:20
  Speaker 3: oh my god.
• 17:22
  Speaker 2: So any advice on that one?
• 17:24
  Speaker 4: How do I deal with that?
• 17:27
  Speaker 1: The thing that's hard with kids and I so I
• 17:32
  Speaker 1: had to deal with this with the divorce. I think people,
• 17:40
  Speaker 1: first of all, don't be so hard on yourself in
• 17:43
  Speaker 1: it all, Like, yes, Elvis can absolutely be going through
• 17:47
  Speaker 1: those things. This is the experience that Elvis is supposed
• 17:52
  Speaker 1: to be having in his life. And this is, like
• 17:55
  Speaker 1: you said, all those stumbles and those things that you
• 17:57
  Speaker 1: went through you look back on and you go, oh
• 17:59
  Speaker 1: my god, such a catalyst for change. That's what these
• 18:03
  Speaker 1: are for him. Also, you don't want to rob him
• 18:06
  Speaker 1: of this experience and what it's supposed to be. I
• 18:10
  Speaker 1: always say to people, you know, when they have this
• 18:13
  Speaker 1: thing of oh, well, we don't want our divorce to
• 18:16
  Speaker 1: affect our kids. It's like it's going to affect your kids.
• 18:19
  Speaker 1: There's literally no way around it. The only choice you
• 18:23
  Speaker 1: have is how.
• 18:24
  Speaker 4: It affects your kids.
• 18:26
  Speaker 1: It's either a positive experience. You guys are respectful of
• 18:29
  Speaker 1: each other, you're kind to each other, you co parent well,
• 18:32
  Speaker 1: and you make the things about the kids, or you
• 18:35
  Speaker 1: make it this really crazy experience to be around where
• 18:39
  Speaker 1: it's just toxic and it's you feel it in the air,
• 18:42
  Speaker 1: and then that negative like that negatively affects your kids.
• 18:46
  Speaker 1: But you don't have a choice of whether it affects
• 18:48
  Speaker 1: your kids or not. Ever, you don't have a choice
• 18:52
  Speaker 1: over whether dating and finding somebody new affects Elvis. You
• 19:00
  Speaker 1: only choice you have is how it affects all this
• 19:03
  Speaker 1: the person you are through it, all the conversations you
• 19:06
  Speaker 1: have with him, the therapy that he's dealing with, the conversations,
• 19:14
  Speaker 1: and the love and the support that he feels through
• 19:17
  Speaker 1: it all. Because he will grow up and understand it better.
• 19:21
  Speaker 2: He will.
• 19:22
  Speaker 1: Yeah, he's right now, he's got a young brain. He's
• 19:25
  Speaker 1: not always going to have a young brain, right, and
• 19:28
  Speaker 1: like I know him being a parent that parenting is
• 19:31
  Speaker 1: can be really thankless.
• 19:33
  Speaker 2: For years, you're like god.
• 19:36
  Speaker 1: I like what, Yeah, I literally give you all of
• 19:39
  Speaker 1: myself and you just don't appreciate any of it.
• 19:42
  Speaker 3: Totally.
• 19:43
  Speaker 4: That's how I felt the other day. I was just like,
• 19:45
  Speaker 4: you don't know how hard I'm trying.
• 19:49
  Speaker 1: There was so Cassius, my twenty four year old, is
• 19:52
  Speaker 1: an actor, totally on his own.
• 19:54
  Speaker 2: I didn't push it on him. His mom didn't push
• 19:56
  Speaker 2: it on him. He found such a great name, Cassius,
• 20:00
  Speaker 2: such a cool name.
• 20:02
  Speaker 1: He found theater in school and found a passion for
• 20:07
  Speaker 1: and a love for it, and it's literally his entire life.
• 20:11
  Speaker 1: We were talking one time and he was talking about
• 20:13
  Speaker 1: being on set and something came up and he said,
• 20:17
  Speaker 1: I remember being on set with you and the way
• 20:19
  Speaker 1: you would deal with situations.
• 20:21
  Speaker 2: And watching you talking to other people and doing stuff.
• 20:23
  Speaker 1: And I realized, it's not the things that I said
• 20:27
  Speaker 1: to him, it's the it's the person that I was
• 20:30
  Speaker 1: when he was around. I truly led by example, and
• 20:36
  Speaker 1: that's what you are doing with Elvis. You're leading by example.
• 20:41
  Speaker 1: You're showing him that there can be confusing times. There
• 20:47
  Speaker 1: can be times where you feel like this isn't what
• 20:49
  Speaker 1: you want, this isn't right. But if you are kind
• 20:54
  Speaker 1: through it all and compassionate, and you speak about it
• 20:59
  Speaker 1: all and you share the way you feel and all
• 21:03
  Speaker 1: those things, you'll you'll get out of it, Like you'll
• 21:07
  Speaker 1: find a way out of it and you'll be okay.
• 21:10
  Speaker 4: Yeah, I love that advice, Brian.
• 21:12
  Speaker 2: Thank you, Like you'll he'll be okay.
• 21:15
  Speaker 1: Yeah, he's had a hard life too up until this point.
• 21:19
  Speaker 2: Yeah, but that's okay.
• 21:20
  Speaker 1: That's the that's what builds the resilience that is going
• 21:23
  Speaker 1: to make him the man that you are so incredibly
• 21:28
  Speaker 1: proud of. Yeah, when he's older and you are hopefully
• 21:32
  Speaker 1: with somebody new and you get to share that like,
• 21:35
  Speaker 1: oh my god, look at I remember when you were little,
• 21:38
  Speaker 1: and look at the man you too, Which he's a
• 21:41
  Speaker 1: man in life way longer.
• 21:43
  Speaker 2: Than he's a kid. Yeah, Like people lose sight of that.
• 21:47
  Speaker 2: It like you childhood is you have a.
• 21:51
  Speaker 1: Good like fourteen years the most before they are completely
• 21:55
  Speaker 1: settled in who they are.
• 21:56
  Speaker 3: You know, I thank you for bringing this up. It
• 21:59
  Speaker 3: is a huge thing I'm like really focused on right now.
• 22:03
  Speaker 3: I think we make our kids grow up too fast.
• 22:08
  Speaker 3: And one of my good friends has a twelve year
• 22:11
  Speaker 3: old and I'm constantly reminding him he is a baby.
• 22:18
  Speaker 4: He's twelve. He's twelve. He's a baby.
• 22:23
  Speaker 3: He has his whole life to be treated like an
• 22:26
  Speaker 3: adult and face trials and tribulations and stress and anxiety.
• 22:30
  Speaker 4: And guess what he will.
• 22:32
  Speaker 3: Yeah, he's twelve right now, he gets to be a kid.
• 22:35
  Speaker 4: Let him be a kid.
• 22:38
  Speaker 1: That's tough though, for I gotta say, like for a dad.
• 22:41
  Speaker 1: For a relationship between a dad and a son compared
• 22:45
  Speaker 1: to a mom and a son, they're very different relationships.
• 22:48
  Speaker 1: I always heard when a boy, when a man has
• 22:52
  Speaker 1: a boy, he's a father, and when he has a girl,
• 22:56
  Speaker 1: he's a daddy, and they're two different relationships.
• 22:58
  Speaker 4: Oh gosh, totally.
• 23:00
  Speaker 1: When you have a boy, you want to raise them
• 23:02
  Speaker 1: to be a good man. Yeah, And what does that entail?
• 23:05
  Speaker 1: That entails like I want to teach you how to
• 23:08
  Speaker 1: be self sufficient, how to take care of people around you,
• 23:12
  Speaker 1: how to do those things and be able to step
• 23:15
  Speaker 1: up and you know, order what you want and take
• 23:17
  Speaker 1: control of the room and do the things.
• 23:20
  Speaker 3: Where did that click in for you? Do you remember?
• 23:22
  Speaker 3: Was it young? Was it when he was young.
• 23:26
  Speaker 1: I honestly feel like it was innately there, but it
• 23:30
  Speaker 1: was a process that I was learning along the way. Yeah,
• 23:32
  Speaker 1: there's a lot of the parenting with Cassius that is
• 23:35
  Speaker 1: different from the parenting now with Zane. Yeah, being it's
• 23:40
  Speaker 1: like I've learned so much and I look at it
• 23:43
  Speaker 1: in a different way. You know, when Cassius was born,
• 23:56
  Speaker 1: you have that thing of like, oh my.
• 23:57
  Speaker 2: God, I have a kid. I'm going to have a
• 23:59
  Speaker 2: kid for the rest of my life. It's like, no,
• 24:00
  Speaker 2: you're not.
• 24:01
  Speaker 1: Yeah, you are raising a kid now, and then you're
• 24:03
  Speaker 1: going to have a child the rest you know, a
• 24:07
  Speaker 1: friend the rest of your life, a family member the
• 24:09
  Speaker 1: rest of your life, like you're raising It's a different thing.
• 24:12
  Speaker 1: One of the best things I ever I ever read
• 24:15
  Speaker 1: that I read constantly or these people.
• 24:17
  Speaker 2: People will do these.
• 24:18
  Speaker 1: Breakdowns sometimes of like how many summer vacations you really have?
• 24:22
  Speaker 2: How many Christmases you have?
• 24:24
  Speaker 4: Toasts?
• 24:25
  Speaker 2: But they're the truth.
• 24:26
  Speaker 1: And I think if people stopped stepping back and going,
• 24:31
  Speaker 1: oh my god, summer break is coming, I've got three
• 24:33
  Speaker 1: months of what am I going to do?
• 24:34
  Speaker 2: And it's like you only have thirteen of.
• 24:38
  Speaker 4: These thirteen summers I just thought, and then that's it.
• 24:40
  Speaker 5: I know, I know, and then never again is your
• 24:43
  Speaker 5: kid gonna want to hang out with you during summer.
• 24:45
  Speaker 5: To make the best of it, do like raging waters
• 24:49
  Speaker 5: and the vacations and stay in a hotel, go to
• 24:52
  Speaker 5: the zoo, do the fun things that you can.
• 24:54
  Speaker 3: Because Elvis will never go to camp. I'm sorry, You're.
• 24:58
  Speaker 4: Never going to You're never going to sleep away camp.
• 25:01
  Speaker 4: Its sleep away camp. It's at our house.
• 25:03
  Speaker 3: But like I mean, we I I had my siblings,
• 25:07
  Speaker 3: so it's a slightly different. Obviously Elvis is an only child,
• 25:09
  Speaker 3: but like I had my siblings, So yeah, we never
• 25:12
  Speaker 3: got We never got shipped to summer camp. It wasn't
• 25:14
  Speaker 3: even an option because it was like, no, you have
• 25:17
  Speaker 3: your siblings play in the backyard, right it's summer. But
• 25:21
  Speaker 3: now that I am so, you know, hold dearly Elvis,
• 25:24
  Speaker 3: and I'm I'm the same way, Brian.
• 25:26
  Speaker 4: I'm like, you're not even going to nine to two.
• 25:28
  Speaker 1: Megan's the same way. No one wanted to do a
• 25:31
  Speaker 1: sleep away thing, and Megan was like, Nope, not going
• 25:35
  Speaker 1: to happen. So Noah was like, Okay, fine, I guess
• 25:37
  Speaker 1: I'll do drama camp again. You know things have changed.
• 25:42
  Speaker 1: I know you have to get somewhere. You have to
• 25:45
  Speaker 1: be a mother.
• 25:46
  Speaker 2: You have to pick up.
• 25:47
  Speaker 4: So can I ask you one more question?
• 25:48
  Speaker 2: Yes you can.
• 25:49
  Speaker 3: When I started, I was I was talking to you
• 25:52
  Speaker 3: about like like how you know I feel so independent
• 25:56
  Speaker 3: in a relationship and then like but needing to like
• 26:00
  Speaker 3: let the man come in, like as a man, and
• 26:04
  Speaker 3: the different relationships in your life, but maybe especially with Sharna,
• 26:08
  Speaker 3: just because like it's been your last one, in your
• 26:11
  Speaker 3: final one and whatever, Like do you feel like does
• 26:16
  Speaker 3: that relate to you as a man, Like do you
• 26:18
  Speaker 3: feel like as a man, I do need to be needed.
• 26:22
  Speaker 3: I like when I'm desired. I like when I can
• 26:26
  Speaker 3: be the man of the house.
• 26:29
  Speaker 1: Of course, of course. But I think for you that
• 26:34
  Speaker 1: you're going to find that naturally. I think you're gonna
• 26:38
  Speaker 1: find a situation where your guard comes down naturally. You
• 26:44
  Speaker 1: don't you feel safe in it, so you just then
• 26:49
  Speaker 1: start living into it and sinking into it, and you
• 26:51
  Speaker 1: feel that relief of like I don't have.
• 26:54
  Speaker 2: To do all that stuff anymore.
• 26:56
  Speaker 1: Yeah, Like I don't have to be the one that
• 26:59
  Speaker 1: is the soul provider and the soul like you know,
• 27:04
  Speaker 1: firm place to land all the time, Like I can
• 27:07
  Speaker 1: sit back a little bit. If I were you, I
• 27:10
  Speaker 1: wouldn't put pressure on myself for that though. Stay in therapy,
• 27:14
  Speaker 1: be doing what you're doing, continue to like really look
• 27:19
  Speaker 1: at yourself and figure out the things that you do
• 27:21
  Speaker 1: and the things you don't want to do anymore in
• 27:24
  Speaker 1: relation to yourself. But as far as a relationship goes,
• 27:30
  Speaker 1: trust that if you're going to go into something, you're
• 27:32
  Speaker 1: gonna need to put your guard down. You're gonna have
• 27:34
  Speaker 1: to and it's going to be scary as shit, but
• 27:38
  Speaker 1: you're gonna have if that's what you want. If you
• 27:41
  Speaker 1: want that kind of a relationship, that's something you're gonna
• 27:44
  Speaker 1: have to do. If you don't, again, nothing wrong with that.
• 27:48
  Speaker 1: If you said to me, I'm I'm good, Like if
• 27:52
  Speaker 1: I find a partner, cool, Like maybe things will change,
• 27:55
  Speaker 1: but right now I'm fine.
• 27:56
  Speaker 2: That's it's fine.
• 27:58
  Speaker 1: There is no pressure. I don't let any outside pressures
• 28:02
  Speaker 1: make you feel like you need to be in something.
• 28:05
  Speaker 1: Now do it because you truly want it, and you
• 28:09
  Speaker 1: have met somebody and you're spending time with someone that
• 28:12
  Speaker 1: you love sharing all of it with and you feel
• 28:16
  Speaker 1: safe to and then you these are conversations that.
• 28:19
  Speaker 2: You have with them.
• 28:20
  Speaker 1: Of like, I have always done these things, and this
• 28:22
  Speaker 1: is scary at for me with you because I'm putting
• 28:25
  Speaker 1: down these guards that I've had h but you make
• 28:29
  Speaker 1: that a like a rock within the conversation. You make
• 28:34
  Speaker 1: that an anchor thing. You know, you share those things.
• 28:38
  Speaker 1: That's that's the important. You want to find somebody that
• 28:40
  Speaker 1: you can truly share that with. And if you're with
• 28:44
  Speaker 1: the right person, they're not only going to understand those things,
• 28:47
  Speaker 1: they're going to love you because you are entrusting them
• 28:52
  Speaker 1: with helping you through those things.
• 28:55
  Speaker 2: Yeah, okay, I love you. I'm so glad that we
• 28:59
  Speaker 2: got to sit down and do this.
• 29:00
  Speaker 4: And I know I could talk to for six hours.
• 29:02
  Speaker 1: I know we could, and like, I know, but this
• 29:06
  Speaker 1: show is I do part two and I think your
• 29:09
  Speaker 1: part two has been so invaluable for people to hear
• 29:13
  Speaker 1: and we can talk about it forever.
• 29:15
  Speaker 2: I have a million more questions. Like you said, we
• 29:18
  Speaker 2: could talk about this for another six hours. But thank
• 29:20
  Speaker 2: you so much.
• 29:21
  Speaker 1: For coming here and doing this. It's been amazing.
• 29:24
  Speaker 2: I love you too.
• 29:25
  Speaker 1: It's been amazing being here and you are we have
• 29:28
  Speaker 1: had just an instant like bond and connection. And I've
• 29:32
  Speaker 1: got your back anytime you ever need anything. And I
• 29:35
  Speaker 1: and I've always felt the same.
• 29:39
  Speaker 2: I love you bye.
• 29:41
  Speaker 1: So have you found success in life but not when
• 29:45
  Speaker 1: it comes to dating? Do you need help on how
• 29:47
  Speaker 1: to navigate the world of romance?
• 29:49
  Speaker 2: Were We're here to help.
• 29:51
  Speaker 1: We we genuinely are. Just send us an email or
• 29:54
  Speaker 1: leave us a voicemail. All the infos in the show notes.
• 29:57
  Speaker 1: Follow us on socials I Do Part two. It's an
• 30:00
  Speaker 1: iHeartRadio podcast where falling in love is honestly the main objective.