Latest / The Difficult Boss Podcast with Fexingo: Managing Up, Toxic Managers, and Workplace Survival / How to Handle a Boss Who Keeps Moving the Goalposts
Transcript
- Lucas: So Luna, have you ever had a boss who, mid-project, just... changes what success looks like? You think you're on track, and suddenly the target moves. Luna: Oh, absolutely. It's like playing soccer where the goalposts get up and walk away every time you get close. And it's not just annoying, it's demoralizing. Lucas: Right. And it's one of the most common complaints I hear from listeners. So today, let's get specific. I've got a story from a product manager I talked to last month. She was launching a new feature for a fintech app — nothing crazy, just a savings round-up tool. The project was scoped for eight weeks. By week three, the boss added a new reporting dashboard. Week five, he wanted to integrate with a third-party budgeting app. By the end, the scope had nearly doubled, and the launch date hadn't moved. Luna: Classic goalpost moving. And she probably felt like she couldn't say no because he's the boss. Lucas: Exactly. And she didn't say no. She just kept absorbing the work, working longer hours, and the team got burned out. The launch was a mess — bugs, missed deadlines, and the boss blamed the team for not flagging issues earlier. Luna: That's the worst part. They get to change the rules and then blame you for not playing well enough. Lucas: Yeah. So let's break down why this happens and what you can do about it. Because a lot of the time, it's not malicious. It might be a boss who's under pressure from their own boss, or someone who just gets excited about new ideas and doesn't think through the consequences. Luna: Sure. But the impact is real. It kills morale, increases turnover, and makes the work worse. Lucas: Right. And that's why you need a strategy. The first thing I tell people is: document everything. Not in a passive-aggressive CYA way, but as a way to have an honest conversation. When your boss asks for something new, the best response isn't 'okay, I'll add it to my plate.' It's 'okay, I can do that. Let me update the timeline and see what we need to deprioritize.' Luna: So you're basically forcing them to make a trade-off, not just adding more to your list. Lucas: Yes. And that's a genuinely useful skill. You're not being defensive; you're being professional. You're saying, 'I want to do this well, but we only have so many hours. What's the priority?' Luna: I love that. And you have to do it in the moment, not later. Because if you just say yes and then go back to your desk, the moment passes. Lucas: Exactly. The moment is key. So here's a concrete script. When your boss drops a new requirement, say something like: 'That's a great addition. I'm worried about the current timeline though. Can we review the priorities and see if anything can move?' Luna: That's good. It acknowledges the idea, but it also puts the ball in their court to decide what's less important. Lucas: And if they just say 'figure it out', that's when you need to escalate a little. You could say, 'I'm happy to work extra this week, but I want to be clear about what we might not deliver. Can I send you a quick summary of the trade-offs?' Luna: And that's where documentation really helps. You write it down, you send it to them, so there's a record. Lucas: Right. And that's not about covering your butt, it's about clarity. It also helps when the boss forgets they asked for the dashboard, and suddenly you're the one who looks disorganized. Luna: Yeah. And that actually reminds me of something. A few weeks ago, we were talking about how to handle a boss who changes priorities constantly. This feels related but different. Lucas: It is. With a constantly changing boss, it's about chaos. With goalpost moving, it's about the definition of success shifting. And that can be even sneakier because you might not notice it until you're halfway there. Luna: So what else can you do besides scripting the conversation? I feel like there's a psychological element too. Lucas: Definitely. You have to detach from the outcome. If you tie your sense of worth to hitting the original target, you're going to feel like a failure every time the target moves. But if you see your job as managing the process, then you can feel good about a well-run project even if the end point changed. Luna: That's a mindset shift. It's like, 'I'm not responsible for the target, I'm responsible for the trajectory.' Lucas: Exactly. And that's a healthier way to work, honestly. It also makes you more resilient when the goalposts move, because you're not emotionally invested in the original plan. Luna: And it makes you more valuable to your boss, too. Because you're the person who can adapt without falling apart. Lucas: Right. And that's a skill that will serve you well beyond this one boss. But I also want to talk about when to push back harder, because sometimes moving goalposts is a sign of a deeper problem. Luna: Like what? Lucas: Like a boss who doesn't really know what they want. They're just reacting to whatever pressure they're under. And in that case, you might need to be more proactive about defining success yourself. Luna: You mean, propose your own definition of done? Lucas: Yeah. At the start of a project, you can say, 'I want to make sure we're aligned on what good looks like. Here's my understanding of the key metrics. Can you confirm?' And if they change their mind later, you can point back to that conversation. Luna: That's a proactive move. It's not waiting for them to move the goalposts, it's setting them together in the first place. Lucas: And if they still move them? Then you have to decide if this is a one-off or a pattern. If it's a pattern, you need to think about your own career trajectory. Are you learning? Are you growing? Or are you just spinning your wheels? Luna: And that might mean having a bigger conversation with your boss about how their style affects the team. Not accusatory, but curious. Lucas: Right. 'I've noticed the scope has changed a few times. I'm wondering if there's a way we might get better alignment earlier in the process. What do you think?' Luna: And that can be really powerful, because it shows you're thinking about the bigger picture, not just your own tasks. Lucas: So, to recap what we've covered so far: use the moment to force trade-offs, document everything, detach from the outcome, and when it's a pattern, have a bigger conversation. But I want to add one more thing. Luna: What's that? Lucas: It's easy to get frustrated, but try to stay curious. Ask your boss, 'What's driving this change?' Sometimes there's a legit reason — a new market signal, a change in company strategy. And if you understand that, you can get on board more easily. Luna: That's a good reframe. Instead of 'why do you keep changing your mind?', it's 'help me understand what's behind this.' Lucas: Exactly. It turns an adversarial moment into a collaborative one. And that can actually strengthen your relationship with your boss. Luna: I like that. And I think it also helps you become a better manager yourself someday, because you'll remember how it felt. Lucas: That's a great point. And speaking of remembering how it feels — if this episode has helped you think through a tricky situation, and you've got a coffee in hand, consider supporting the show. It's the smallest ask: buy me a coffee dot com slash fexingo. Keeps the podcast ad-free and independent. Luna: Yeah, we really appreciate it. And it helps us keep doing deep dives like this every week. Lucas: So, back to the goalpost problem. One more concrete example that might resonate. I was talking to an engineer last week who had a boss who kept adding 'quick wins' to a project. Every week, there was a new 'small thing' they could knock out. But these small things added up. By the end of the quarter, they had shipped a dozen extra features, none of them polished, and the core product suffered. Luna: And the boss probably thought they were being helpful, like, 'I'm giving them more opportunities.' Lucas: Yeah. And the team was exhausted. So the fix there was to create a visual board of the project scope and literally show the boss what's on the plate. When the boss asked for one more thing, the engineer pointed to the board and said, 'We can add this, but something has to come off. Which one?' Luna: That's a powerful move. It makes the trade-off visible and concrete. Lucas: And it works. The boss started to think twice before adding things, because they saw the impact on the timeline and the team. Luna: So it's not about saying no, it's about showing the cost of saying yes. Lucas: Exactly. And that's the takeaway for today. When the goalposts move, your job is to make the trade-offs visible, stay curious, and protect your own sanity. You can't control the target, but you can control how you respond to it. Luna: And that's a skill that will serve you in any job. Thanks for joining us, everyone. Lucas: We'll catch you next time.